• Story: White Demure (Update Complete!)

    by

    [Adventure]

    Author: Heitomos
    Description: When Apple Bloom falls ill with a mysterious disease, it's up to Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash to try and find her a cure! Can they find it in time, or will this be it for the little filly?
    White Demure (All Links) (New Chapter 12!)


    White Demure (All Links Alternate)


    Additional Tags: Possibly Long, Disease, Adventure, Quest, Cure
    Sunday, December 18, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , , , ,
    Open in app
    Share This! Facebook Share Twitter Share

    41 comments:

    1. Streek471July 21, 2011 at 10:01 AM

      First?

      ReplyDelete
    2. NinestempestJuly 21, 2011 at 10:01 AM

      JUST SO YOU KNOW

      This totally isn't Dangerous Business.

      ReplyDelete
    3. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 10:02 AM

      Twilight Sparkly?

      ReplyDelete
    4. Shellsh0ckerJuly 21, 2011 at 10:02 AM

      Yeah, that was my first thought too. Also, "Twilight Sparkly?" *snerk*

      ReplyDelete
    5. ZeroneJuly 21, 2011 at 10:03 AM

      Twilight Sparkly? Sounds like an upgrade to me.

      ReplyDelete
    6. FenixJuly 21, 2011 at 10:04 AM

      Twilight Sparkly is my favorite pony.

      ReplyDelete
    7. MastermudkipzJuly 21, 2011 at 10:06 AM

      hehehe i leik Twilight Sparkly.

      ReplyDelete
    8. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 10:10 AM

      hm, kinda sounds like the same premise of Its Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door

      BUT

      that does not mean it can't be good. Plenty of shows and stuff have the same premise and still are good shows sperate from eachother (all those crime dramas out there come to mind) So I'll give this a shot. ;)

      ReplyDelete
    9. TenchiFreak5July 21, 2011 at 10:19 AM

      I'll give it a shot, Dangerous Business similarities notwithstanding. Sir Leadhead hit it right on the money.

      ReplyDelete
    10. tinwhistleJuly 21, 2011 at 10:36 AM

      Sparkly

      ReplyDelete
    11. EkevooJuly 21, 2011 at 10:44 AM

      Well, Twilight's disease wasn't mysterious in Dangerous Business.

      ReplyDelete
    12. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:02 AM

      I like your idea of splitting them off into groups that wouldn't normally work together.

      Looking forward to reading more!

      ReplyDelete
    13. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:04 AM

      Sparkly? Was that an accident...or is it Ms. Sparkle"s evil twin?!?!

      XD

      ReplyDelete
    14. EkevooJuly 21, 2011 at 11:33 AM

      @Anonymous
      Well, I'd think Sparkly is sparklier thank Sparkle. :)

      ReplyDelete
    15. 20percentcoolerJuly 21, 2011 at 11:37 AM

      Twilight Sparkly sounds epic.

      ReplyDelete
    16. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 12:44 PM

      LOL Sparkly!

      ReplyDelete
    17. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:09 PM

      So basically... this is "It's Dangerous Business GOing out your Door..." Only Applebloom is sick rather than Twilight.

      ReplyDelete
    18. ActionScripter9109July 21, 2011 at 2:10 PM

      in4fter Twilight Sparkly

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:11 PM

      Twilight Sparkly

      Appleyjackles

      Rariteeny

      Pinkie Dinkie Pie

      Fluttershiny

      Rainbow Dashie-Washy-Pa-Ping-Pong

      ReplyDelete
    20. RavenJuly 21, 2011 at 2:19 PM

      @Anonymous
      We all know Twilight's evil twin is Rapidash! =D

      ReplyDelete
    21. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:48 PM

      @Anonymous
      you may want to look at my previous comment before you make a judgement based on that statement. i think i make a good point.

      ReplyDelete
    22. HeitomosJuly 21, 2011 at 4:02 PM

      Okay, I was at work all day and only now arrived to see all this.

      Well, I should say this first:

      I have not read "It's Dangerous Business, Going Outside Your Door" yet. I wanted too, I just never got around to it yet. In light of being told it has similarities, I will not read that fic until I have finished this one, so that, if I keep this up, you all know it's by happen stance and not plagiarising.

      Secondly, I have just noticed the Twilight Sparkly typo, and I'm glad you lot like it. :P It might get fixed soon, however.

      ReplyDelete
    23. ShadowFox04July 21, 2011 at 4:04 PM

      As many people have said, it's not Dangerous Business, but but it has the same basic plot. That's not a bad thing but it's what it will be compared to to begin with.

      Because of this it's got some big boots to fill. Still a solid opening. It'll be a couple more chapters till I make a proper verdict though.

      ReplyDelete
    24. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 10:15 PM

      One problem. Infections just don't pop up out of nowhere. Whatever Apple Bloom was exposed to could well still be out there for anypony to stumble over and spread across half of Equestria. Given that the White Demure has epidemic potential not informing Celestia of the potential threat immediately is criminally irresponsible.

      While I'm sure the Author is worried about Celestia just solving everything. The shear scale of the threat can work as an explanation why she can't. To cover all of Equestria to find the White Demure's source is a huge undertaking that will probably involve her full attention the organization of hundreds of ponies and weeks of planning. Weeks Apple Bloom doesn't have.

      ReplyDelete
    25. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:59 PM

      "It's Dangerous Business, Going Outside Your Door" isn't the only one with that premiss there's also the incomplete "Ten Very Venturous Ponies".

      ReplyDelete
    26. AnonymousAugust 10, 2011 at 12:38 AM

      Why is there a picture of Spike when he's not in the story!?

      ReplyDelete
    27. DaveAugust 10, 2011 at 1:02 AM

      I'm intrigued. Gonna follow this one simply because it's early enough in the story it's not so daunting to go through 10 parts or whatever.

      ReplyDelete
    28. pmdAugust 19, 2011 at 4:41 PM

      Please continue!

      ReplyDelete
    29. jet2112112August 19, 2011 at 9:57 PM

      Heh, I've actually talked to the writer on EPR many times...dude this is one hell of a fanfic! Keep it up man! :D

      ReplyDelete
    30. HeitomosAugust 19, 2011 at 10:00 PM

      Thanks you very much for the kind words! They bring me hope and motivation to keep on writing!

      ReplyDelete
    31. AtiarotiasAugust 20, 2011 at 10:07 AM

      Dat face of Spike in the pic...

      ReplyDelete
    32. richfilesOctober 12, 2011 at 12:44 AM

      Everypony knows that Twilight Sparkly is the rare bling bag pony! In all seriousness though, thanks for updating! This story had fallen so far back in the chronological listing of my bookmarks. I was wondering when an update would finally be released.

      Thanks!

      ReplyDelete
    33. Depo007October 13, 2011 at 6:58 PM

      This is a fun adventure piece. The relationships/reactions/etc. going on among the pairs is really good, and the premise is simple enough to dive into. I'm eagerly awaiting more editions.

      My only gripe is the increasing number of typos and spelling mistakes that are occurring with each passing chapter. If you would like an editor or someone to help I'd be glad to! If not, give your works an extra going over (and use spell check!) before posting. It's getting to the point of drawing me out of the story.

      Sorry for the long rant, but this is a really good story and I want to see it shine! Keep it up.

      ReplyDelete
    34. BareeOctober 20, 2011 at 10:00 AM

      Thats funny. Chapter 7 was my favourite one yet.

      ReplyDelete
    35. Depo007November 26, 2011 at 7:00 PM

      Hmm, didn't really buy the whole "wouldn't spend some bits to save a life" attitude of Aunt Orange. With that aside, great chapter as always!

      ReplyDelete
    36. artrclandNovember 28, 2011 at 6:33 PM

      Aunt Orange was quite the old nag.
      Good chapter, looking forward to the next!

      Thanks!

      ReplyDelete
    37. HeitomosNovember 29, 2011 at 4:56 AM

      Good to hear from you guys! Yeah, I made her rather evil to suit the purposes of the story, but we don't know much about her, so I figured I had a little wiggle room. As a note, the first two chapters are being re-written entirely, not sure when though... But soon, at least, as the story is wrapping up in two more chapters.

      Thanks for the support,

      Heitomos

      ReplyDelete
    38. senior-irishDecember 18, 2011 at 4:35 PM

      i'm surprised that no one has made a supernatural reference yet.
      fluttershy-Oh no, what are we going to do?!
      dean-kill it with fire. *Shoot with flare*

      ReplyDelete
    39. zaptiftunDecember 18, 2011 at 5:41 PM

      An engaging story from beginning to end. Well done!

      ReplyDelete
    40. AsterDecember 20, 2011 at 9:12 AM

      Its really superb addition from your side. I was quite unaware of this story but enjoyed a lot while reading it here. Keep sharing more in the future for all of us atlanta craigslist reviews classified

      ReplyDelete
    41. richfilesDecember 22, 2011 at 11:10 PM

      Well, I'm starting chapter 12 now. I'd write this after I complete the story, but I'm gonna read in bed on my 3DS cuz I'm freakin' tired. LOL! So far, I've loved this story. I'm both happy to see the final resolution to this one, but also sad to have one of my regular favorites come to an end.

      Well... Imma dive under the covers with my 3DS now. Good night!

      ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)