[Normal] Dash's wings must be made out of tissue paper.
Author: SSGuy
Description: After attempting a record breaking lap around Sweet Apple Acres, Rainbow Dash crashes and fractures her wing. Not being able to return to the sky for a couple of months, her friends attempt to make her as happy as possible.Turning It Down A Mare Part 1
Turning It Down A Mare Part 2 (New)
Additional Tags: Rainbow Dash, Wing, Broken, Fluttershy, Friendship
57 comments:
FIRST
ReplyDeleteNot permanent flight loss? That's different I think.
ReplyDeleteYEAH, IVE SEEN A LOT OF "PERMANENT LOSS" FANFICS
ReplyDeleteEh, may give it a read.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't bad. Poor Dash breaks her wings far too often in fanficions. judging by the title of the document theres going to be more than one chapter so i'll have to wait and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteFunny, even tought people keep saying that Dash losing her wings is cliche, i've never actually saw any fic where she loses flight ability permanently.
ReplyDeleteIf someone could link me one i would be glad.
> Rainbow Dash's wings made out of tissue paper
ReplyDelete> Applejack composed of dark matter
> Rarity is 95% marshmellow
Dear Princess Celestia,
What kind of sick joke were you conducting during the birth of half of my friends!?
I say, not too shabby. I do like that it isn't a permanent flight loss, and I think he did a good job of portraying Dashie.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Zarkanorf
ReplyDeleteYou got a letter!
"To my Faithful Student
SCIENCE!
Sincerely, Princess Celestia
PS, you may want to stay away from magnets"
Excellent portrayal of both Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy. I can't wait to read the next part whenever it may be released.
ReplyDeletePoor Dash...
Poor Rainbow. We need to counterbalance her constant flight-loss by having more fics in which Rarity goes blind, Twilight loses the ability to perform magic, Fluttershy completely loses her ability to talk (including to animals), Applejack gets early-onset arthritis, and Pinkie gets put on a regimen of behavior-modifying drugs (Ritalin, antipsychotics, etc.). Misery loves company!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way this is handled. There are no quicky solutions to the problem. I also have to commend you; some authors would take every available chance to make this a ship fic.
ReplyDeleteMr nitpick away!
ReplyDeleteOkay, while the characterization, for the most part was well done, something about Rarity and Pinkie Pie felt...off. It's hard for me to explain, but it's just a feeling I got.
Also, to try and help Rainbow feel better, they basically said "hey, help me with my job" and something about that doesn't seem right.
Also, the nurse saying "see you in 3 months" i'd think that she would be getting regular check ups in her state, not going back just to get her cast off.
Okay, now that i'm done being "that guy" I did enjoy it in the end, and I like the fact that it isn't permanent loss, that stuff is a bit too grimdark for me. Looking forward to chapter 2.
@Trollestia
ReplyDeleteIt does make sense. She's a stunts'mare'. Flying fast, doing very risky tricks.
@shadefox
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense. doesn't stop poor dash from breaking them in all the similar stories.
@Trollestia
ReplyDeleteI swear, I'm going to have to write something where Dash manages an epic crash, walks away with something like a sprain, and has a sudden epiphany about the merits of picking better training grounds.
A good ending to the chapter and overall a good story.
ReplyDeleteMy only complaint would be that you didn't express Pinkie Pie terribly well. She is definitely more bouncy and would probably even be hugging Rainbow Dash's banged up body despite her complaints.
Feedback time!
ReplyDeleteI... I don't really care for these characterizations. Fluttershy's and Rarity's in particular.
I mean, one of your friends has just mangled her wing, and the first thing out of your lips is a "told you so"? That rings false. Rarity's annoyance is similarly off-putting.
I'm not sure about Rainbow Dash's characterization though. It's actually the most believable of the bunch, despite my initial desire for more Dashpression.
Despite all of that, I want to thank you and echo the sentiments of those above. This fiction feels like a slice of life fiction, something we need more of. Epic adventure, swashbuckling, mortal danger and all is fine, but it sours after a while.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter in this fic.
Never really bothered to read any fanfics before and i was surprised that this was actually quite enjoyable Look forward to more chapters
ReplyDeleteYAY! Rainbow Dash who IS NOT A LESBIAN/BI-SEXUAL
ReplyDeleteThis whole fic trope sorta reminds me of that "wrist strong" thing Colbert did a couple years ago.
ReplyDeleteWing violence is becoming all to prevalent in the fanfic media. We need to support greater wing safety in the Pegasus community. WING STRONG!
@RainbowDashIsNotGay
ReplyDeleteDid you seriously make a blogger account just so that you could argue about the sexuality of a fictional character?
And so the debate continues (I say bi, tbh)
So many fic starter cliches! Jeez...
ReplyDelete>Rainbow Dash injures a wing.
>Twilight botches a spell.
>Trixie is found in the Everfree Forest malnourished.
I see these three ALL THE TIME. Apparently in fanon Rainbow Dash actually /can't/ fly, Twilight sucks at magic, and Trixie magically forgets how to fend for herself.
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ReplyDelete@RainbowDashIsNotGay
ReplyDeleteSo, that's a yes, then?
@RainbowDashIsNotGay
ReplyDelete"RAINBOW DASH ID NOT A LESBIAN OR BI-SEXUAL"
No offense dude, but if Lauren Faust says that the characters' orientations won't be revealed, then you can't prove that dash is heterosexual (or homosexual or bi for that matter).
(All) Fans can assume anything they want. It's not worth arguing over.
@Delta Pangaea
ReplyDeleteThat is most distinctly NOT fabulous.
Dammit, this was (sort of) my idea! A bit more of a humiliation conga for Dashie, but still. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteCan't really say this is an original idea can ya... really, there are probably dozens of fics by now that have done this plot line, but I credit you with this! You didn't permanently ground her for a change!
ReplyDeleteIts an actual reasonable take for what might happen to Dash, and its fairly in the spirit of the show. 3 months makes sense (fractured my wrist, 3 months in a cast. sucked super hard).
Would make a cool episode idea if you could tone down the injury and therefore time spent laid up. I mean, twilight has magic, and I have no doubt there is a spell you could come up with to mend a wing! I look forward to the next chapter, none the less.
...however the need is still there to slowly phase out the "Dash breaks a wing, Twilight botches a spell" all purpose plot filer.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteCalm down, brony. No need to get your hackles up just because somebrony used a plot device you've seen a lot before.
Anyway...
Feedback, ho!
Overall, I liked it. However, as somebrony said before me, Pinkie Pie and Rarity seem a bit off in their characterizations somehow. Also, it doesn't make sense to me for Applejack to "I told you so" at Rainbow Dash, nor do I see the sense in everypony asking Dash to help them at their jobs when, by all rights, they should be the ones helping her.
First FiM fanfiction that got me to sit my butt down and read the entire thing...well...first chapter. I liked it, characters were about spot on. I like it!
ReplyDelete@RainbowDashIsNotGay
ReplyDeleteI'm just going to assume you're a troll, man.
First of all, I don't even think this is a shipping story (I haven't read it yet so...) so I don't know why you're even bringing it up.
Second of all, why do you care if she's lesbian or not? Why does she HAVE to be straight?
In Canon, it'll probably never be more than hinted at, but in fanon, she could be whatever the hell we want her to be.
Also, to you people saying "asexual."
That just depresses me for some reason. I don't know why (not a knock against you asexual bronies, by the way.)
Wait, what's that author's name? o_o
ReplyDeleteHmm. Its ok, but a bit more conflict wouldn't have hurt. Dash excepts everything just a bit to easily.
ReplyDelete@RainbowDashIsNotGay
ReplyDeleteUm, dude? I occasionally get annoyed at the characterization too, but I think you're a little TOO angry about it. It's just fan stuff.
Lauren Faust spoke on the subject a while back to a critic who called basically called Dash a stereotypical butch lesbian. Basically, she said the truth: the orientation of the ponies is never referenced. Which makes it fair game for fanfic writers to do whatever for shipping.
I'd recommend just letting the issue be. It doesn't matter that much in the end.
(BTW, why are you discussing it here? This isn't a ship fic...)
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI can't understand that whole thing, almost passion, at breaking RD's wings all the time ?
I mean, logically it wouldn't happen THAT often; Since she's THE (as she claim, anyway) Best Flyer of Equestria... and clearly the fastest... she must have quite a solid constitution, endurance and powerful wings.
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ReplyDeleteAwesome you finally got onto ED, SSG
ReplyDeleteIt was a good read proofreading your work
Can't wait for more chapters
Now things have been mentioned since I last read it
Glad to know you've taken the route of a temporary injury; to each his or her own way of expressing 'fics
Just still a bit concerned how Rarity did put here beauty concerns ahead and a lil' less smack from AJ considering what those two been through in Fall Weather Friends.
But what's done is done, continue on OwO
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOkay how about this:
Rarity is experimenting with a new form of gem that literally sparkles and glows when unicorn magic is stored inside it. She is slowly and carefully filling one when a loud, almost blood-curdling scream is heard! Rarity is startled and accidentally sends a magic surge into the gem, which shatters. Her corneas are scratched, but will heal in a few weeks, due to the gem shards being carefully removed by Ponyville's expert medical team. For now, however, she has to wear special eyepatches/bandages on both eyes.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteTwilight is studying the properties of poison joke. She's about as close as she can get to it without becoming affected by it, when a loud scream causes her gasp in shock, accidentally sucking in the poison joke! Twilight spits it out, but she can already feel it...the dreaded return of Twilight Flopple!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteFluttershy is in Froggy Bottom Bog with the Cutie Mark Crusaders who seem to think that maybe nursing animals is a hidden special talent of theirs. Fluttershy is preparing bandages for an injured alligator when a pained scream causes the alligator to panic, rushing back into the swamp. Its tail swings around and smacks Fluttershy in the face HARD, dislocating her jaw. The CMC, panicky at first, calm down enough to get Fluttershy to a hospital.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteApplejack and Big Mac are out harvesting a few of their apple trees when Applejack is distracted by a scream coming from the outskirts of Ponyville. This distraction proves to be painful as he misdirects her buck, hitting the tree unevenly and badly spraining a back leg. Big Mac lifts her onto his back and carries her inside for some ice and possibly to take her to see a doctor about it.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletePinkie Pie, despite Twilight's warnings, is experimenting with ground poison joke to make the ultimate prank: sneezing powder that applies the poison joke effect to both the sneezer and the unfortunate pony being sneezed on! But a loud painful scream from somewhere outside cracks her uncharacteristic concentration, causing her to give her well-known *GASP* and unintentionally snorting some of the poison joke powder up her nose. After sneezing a few times, an intense feeling of calm and peace washes over her, a slight smile playing on her lips as she slowly stumbles out into the sunlight...followed by nausea and a serious nosebleed. Through the haze of her altered mind came one though; maybe she went a little too far with the pranks this time, and now would be a good time to see a professional about the slight depression and lethargy starting to develop...
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash is on the outskirts of Ponyville, practicing stunts when an excited muttering of voices is coming from below her. A large group of ponies have gathered on the sides of the road leading to Canterlot. The notepads, cameras, and even a few microphones mark this group as one made up of reporters and paparazzi. The reason for their excitement soon becomes clear as Prince Blueblood, sitting on a palanquin carried by four ponies, comes up the road. The cameras immediately start popping and flashing as the mass of reporters and paparazzi crowd around Blueblood's carriers.
"Blueblood? What's that pompous idiot doing here? If those ponies want something really newsworthy, I'll give it to them! Maybe even the Wonderbolts will see my picture in the paper!"
And with a multi-colored streak, she is off! The ponies below oohed and aahed at Rainbow Dash's stunts. She flew down low, her slipstream ruffling the manes of her audience. One pony happened to take a photo of her as she zoomed by. Unfortunately, the pony used a powerful flashbulb, which disoriented Dash. She had just recovered from the spots floating in front of her eyes only to find she was heading straight for a tree on the side of the road! Hoping to steer away from it,she banked right. But, she didn't turn early enough and smacked into the tree's branches, falling into a heap at its trunk. Pain shot through her left wing as she tried to get up. It was bent at an odd angle, and she tasted bile. Her wing...she literally could not think of anything else due to the excruciating pain.
Forgetting all of her pride, all of her stubbornness, Rainbow Dash screamed in agony, louder than she thought was possible, let alone what she was capable of. After she was out of breath and her throat was raw, the scream's echo was heard in Ponyville, the edge of the Everfree Forest, even the Froggy Bottom Bog. Rainbow Dash lied there, half-conscious from exhaustion and shock, when she thought she heard a distant wee-ooh wee-ooh of an ambulance...
Yep, all 6 injuries were (directly or indirectly) Blueblood's fault. And that one paparazzi. Thankfully, all would make a complete recovery.
@S-Guy
ReplyDeleteYeah, join the club of feeling that.
@Whiteout
ReplyDeleteHey that's probably better than my idea of taking the piss out of the whole bloody cliche and Dash gets rebuilt as an unstoppable, cybernetic killing machine. :p
I propose a twist on this cliche. What if Fluttershy broke her wings? What would happen to the birds and who would take care of them?
ReplyDeleteShe must be made out of something weak, like papier-mâché...
ReplyDelete...Orrr Raditz.
You have Rarity giving advice to a young unicorn about "getting this gelding." Please look up the actual meaning of the word "gelding," and then take to heart this lesson about using words that sound cool even when you don't know their actual meaning.
ReplyDeleteMünchausen syndrome by proxy (MSbP) is a label for a pattern of behavior in which care-givers deliberately exaggerate, fabricate, and/or induce physical, psychological, behavioral, and/or mental health problems in others.[1] Other experts classified MSbP as a mental illness. However, the term is not officially recognized in the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 4th Ed., published by the American Psychiatric Association.[2][1][3] Münchausen by proxy has been described by some as a form of extended child abuse.[4][5] The motivation is to assume the sick role by proxy.[6] It involves physical abuse and medical neglect.[7]
ReplyDeleteThe characterizations are ringing true for me so far. To the point where I'm looking forward to Dash getting a kick in the flank to get over her attitude problem.
ReplyDelete@Reyemile
ReplyDeleteI've actually looked up the actual meaning now and I have truly never thought of the term that way. Living with horses for the longest time, I have heard the term called "gelding" claimed as a "male horse" and never questioned it.
It has been edited to say "stallion" now, but if I have any way offended any one by using the term in that context, then I truly apologize. I will make sure something like this doesn't happen again.
I do editing about as much as I do "commenting". Here you go (feel free to skip if you don't want it).
ReplyDeleteStory: Even the slightest bump wouldn’t bother the firm support.
Comment: Should be the OPPOSITE of "slightest".
Story: I wouldn’t even bother trying to sell these to a customer, let alone give them away for free.
Comment: Should probably be "I wouldn't even bother giving them away, let alone trying to sell these to a customer."
Story: I wouldn’t even bother trying to sell these to a customer, let alone give them away for free.
Comment: Are you sure you mean "mildly"? If you do, you should probably re-consider the rest of the sentence.
Well, I am going to stop commenting here for the moment.
@SSGuy
ReplyDeleteI'm not offended by the term, just it's misuse. Frankly, I think it would be hilarious if it were used in APPROPRIATE context as an insult--probably followed by a knock-down-drag-out fight.
Hhm... Might want to fix something. You seem to repeat thoughts a bit.
ReplyDelete"It made Dash red in the face to see her job being done by someone who was moving so slowly. She wondered how someone could be so proud of doing a job so slowly."
For instance, here you could have just added to the first sentence, "how could someone be so proud of something like that?"
Or this.
"Dash replied dryly as her attention was on other things. There are so many other things"
I would be better if the first sentenced just ended with, "replied dryly."
Also, it kind of seems to me like Rainbow is acting a bit like a jerk. I don't mean in the sense of her being angry about her predicament... it's like how when she was worried about the Best Young Fliers Competition, most of her negativity was directed towards herself, I imagine she would be more berating herself over and over again for being stupid than lashing out at others what with one of her best traits being loyalty. I'd see her being frustrated around Applejack because she could blame her for challenging herself or angry with Scootaloo for being in her way but there just seems to be a bit too much anger in her manners and not enough indifference.
I like the idea of this, and the first chapter was a good setup, but I honestly don't think the second was written as well as the first.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I can get Dash being pissed at everyone and everything and lashing out accordingly, but Rarity basically inviting her over to clean shit for her kind of stuck out.
I mean, if Dash was normal, sure, I'd see that scene happening more or less (though I think Rarity would have had far more patience than she did). But when she was supposedly trying to help Dash feel better I can't see it unfolding the way it did.
I'll await the next chapter with cautious optimism.