Author: Robotech_Master
Description: When Twilight Sparkle corrects the grammar of a short story ApplejackFanfiction.net
wrote, she has no idea of the painful repercussions soon to follow.
Taken for Grammar
Google Documents
Taken for Grammar
Additional Tags: grammar, editing, meta, honesty, anger
39 comments:
First!
ReplyDelete...i'll read the story to make up for that.
i actually read this a short time ago through a few links. i forgot how i got to it though, sorry ... it was pretty good, actually. a good look into fanfics and the reasons and such. uhm, i liked it.
ReplyDeletefirst! wait a sec- fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
ReplyDeleteVery episodic.
ReplyDeletewuts dees (nuts) grammer yoo speeks uvs¿
ReplyDeleteAJ getting that upset over something like this IIIII dunno but the antics described were funny
ReplyDeleteIt's written well, but I'm confused by the message.
ReplyDeleteTwilight tries to give some friendly advice just once and she gets harassed for a full day and hurt. She learns she shouldnt have given well meaning help and laughs it off.
I come from the story thinking Applejack is a jerk. But maybe that's just me.
Painful repercussions from correcting somepony's grammar? I LOVE IT ALREADY :D
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI agree, the main message of this story seemed to be that Applejack can't handle criticism at all. I can see Applejack getting angry about it, but it wouldn't escalate that much. I was hoping for a bit more humorous pranks on Twilight, maybe even with the help of Pinkie Pie. Also, I don't know about bee stings, but I know about a horse dying from wasp stings...
I kinda recognized myself from this story. No one has thus far sent a swarm of angry bees after me, though.
ReplyDeleteI thought it had a promising set-up and all, but Applejack is ridiculously out of character. She's simply not that spiteful, petty, or mischievous.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons I had such trouble proofreading papers for college classes. My classmate might be absolutely devastated to see their paper or story covered in red (trust me, there have been a few that would warrant that). Even though I see tons of errors that are difficult to point out specifically, I mainly correct the obvious grammar and spelling errors. People need to learn to write better rough drafts!
ReplyDeleteThough I do know how Applejack feels too. It sucks when someone thoroughly criticizes something you made for fun when you haven't asked for criticism.
"Why Rainbow Dash Kicks More Flank Than You. Chapter One: Rainbow Dash vs. the Invincible Army of Evil."
ReplyDeleteFUND IT.
The idea is good, and I can certainly understand Applejack's hurt feelings. The same thing's happened to me many a time.
ReplyDeleteWhat I can't stand is how little punishment she receives. She's physically and mentally tortured Twilight, ruined her place of business, swindled her out of money...and all because she pointed out some grammar and spelling errors? And all it takes is a simple apology to make everything better?
AJ was way out of character, the ending moral was only two levels above "Show Stoppers" in terms of annoyance, and I felt more could have been done. So, three stars.
PS: Rainbow Dash Self-Insert. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
I thought this story was a good read and the plot can be considered very canon. But I will admit that while I liked overall the character interactions, I will say that AJ is not really the type to play pranks on the others. She just is not a very subtle pony. Now, if Twilight corrected Rainbow Dash's story, I can see Twilight falling victim to vengeful pranking. Still a great story though! Don't get me wrong! Both Twi, Spike, and AJ were all very well done and in character. Just that tiny part.
ReplyDeleteApplejack didn't really seem in character, and the lengths she went to were really very offputting. On top of that I didn't care for the message you were trying to send at the end, it seemed like twilight was put down just for the sake of the story and all too eager to forgive.
ReplyDeleteI could really see this turned into an episode or at least something along the lines of it. Rainbow Dash inserts win everything, but to me it really sounded liek a self help book, 'Why Rainbow Dash Kicks More Flank Than You'? Regardless, it needs to be made NAOW!
ReplyDelete5-star story, both technically and literally. Why it doesn't have at least a rating of 4.5+ is beyond me. Had me cracking up the entire way through, and took believable liberties with the characters in order to fit the plot. Great work, author!
ReplyDeleteFor those crying out foul about how AJ's portrayed in this, I just wanna say... for everypony who's thought they were a better pony than to become angry by a helpful critique, it can show you just how wrong you are. AJ didn't set out to write professionally, she just wanted to tell a story. And when somebody DOES correct you on something so close to you... believe me, you can act QUITE out of character indeed.
ReplyDeleteI personally think this is a fic that every fic writer and editor should read. Great work! And the RD at the end is priceless as well. XD
That may be, but it still doesn't excuse Applejack's behavior. She went too far and was immature.
ReplyDeleteTwilight should have at least gotten her back a bit..
ReplyDeleteI lol'd at the epilogue.
ReplyDelete@ a href #c3515705332119043371 >rebound /a>
ReplyDeleteI can easily see how a person can be annoyed by unwanted criticism. That's not a question.
It's the fact AJ resorts to physically hurt Twilight after the poor pony only did this ONE TIME that irks me.
Now if Twilight followed her around doing this for a week, or started finding other flaws and 'correcting' them, then sure, I could laugh at this.
tl;dr If someone hurt me after I corrected them once, I'd think they were crazy, and not in the good way... not laugh it off.
Now I wanna read about MartiaLl Llaw and his pursuit of the dreaded Dry GuLlch Gang...
ReplyDeleteYour story made Llama happy.
For what it's worth, I was trying to go for something akin to Cutie Mark Failure Syndrome here. (Element of Harmony Failure Syndrome?) The idea was that being the subject of unintentionally brutal honesty set up kind of a feedback loop in Applejack where to object to it felt like she was objecting to a part of herself—but at the same time, it hurt her feelings and she didn't have any way to let off the pressure so it kept building up. And as we saw in "Fall Weather Friends", Applejack can be a trifle mean if she gets worked up enough.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "well-meaning help" thing, there's a bit of a difference between offering help and butting in where it's not wanted. What she could have done was asked if Applejack wanted her to proofread it for her, then gracefully accepted Applejack declining.
As the author's note at the top suggests, this was inspired by actual events, with me in the role of Twilight Sparkle and the other author's reaction exaggerated for comic effect.
You had me up until the part with the bees.
ReplyDeleteI can see Applejack giving Twilight the wrong apple or indirectly leading the Crusaders to wreck the library. That are fairly harmless gestures that in the end would be easy to forgive when all was said and done after Applejack explained her feelings
But I can't see Applejack doing things that would knowingly lead to Twilight getting hurt, nor can I see the later scene playing out where Applejack says a few things to apologize and Twilight forgives her like it never happened and Twilight was in the wrong.
Well Applejack should have just talked to Twilight and explained to her that she didn't appreciate her editing her story. There was no excuse for her immature behavior. I mean hurting Twilight for editing her story? That's just going too far.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, the entire mess could easily have been avoided if Applejack had just told Twilight she didn't like the help and Twilight could have apologized. Yes Twilight could have asked first, but her not asking doesn't excuse Applejack's behavior. AJ should have acted mature and just spoke with Twilight instead of hurting her.
For the bearer of the Element of Honesty to act that way over honest criticism... totally wrong. Might have worked with RD, but the reaction was just too strong and out of character for AJ.
ReplyDeleteLeft a bad taste in my mouth.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteI couldn't see Fluttershy turning into a rampaging lunatic and causing a stampede of the animals she wanted to befriend—the very thing that she was upset when Applejack did in "Applebuck Season"—until it happened.
@Chris Meadows
ReplyDeleteSubverting a shrinking violet character by showing occasional streaks of contradictory actions under certain situations is a storytelling technique as old as time itself. "Beware the nice" ones is a trope that probably exists in real life more than it does in literature, in fact.
The show had even done it twice before the final episode (in Dragonshy and in Stare Master); and while the execution there was to set up a Mama Bear situation rather than a Yangire one seen in the final episode, it is ultimately the same idea.
In this story, Applejack took criticism badly. Fair enough. And rather then tell Twilight about it she held a silent grudge over it (which is certainly believable based on her character), which steadily increased in intensity until she ultimately committed an act of outright violence against Twilight (which is not), which conceivably would have continued had Big Mac not intervened.
That alone is what derails this story, and it is another world away from anything Fluttershy did in the show.
I am SO stealing the word "Canternet". It's far better than what I came up with.
ReplyDeleteCutie Mark Crusader Cheesemakers. That's all that really needs to be said.
Wow, a beehive? Applejack REALLY doesn't take criticism well. Admittedly, this story is all about Twilight being a jerk, lol. Hooray for Big Macintosh!
Hah, and now I know what story inspired this! It was a good one, as is this! Really funny, good episodic feel, and I loved the epilogue. Here's to ponies writing stories about ponies!
Make a colony of bees sting your best friend? Applejack went a little too far with that one.
ReplyDeleteShe should've told Twilight how she felt about her editing, instead of letting a grudge fester insider her.
Applejack was a bigger jerk than Twilight, however. Bees are no laughing matter, especially if you're allergic.
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash may have been a better choice than Applejack. It's already established that she's a prankster, so it's easy to see her getting back at Twilight with some harmless yet hilarious pranks.
And no, making bees sting Twilight wasn't hilarious. It was awful.
As a previous poster said, I was with you until the bees. I don't have a problem with the idea of AJ carrying a grudge, I just have a problem with believing she would put her friend in that much danger.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion as a reader, two things could make it more believable. First, if, rather than needing Big Mac to rein her in, AJ had seen the whole swarm going after Twilight and realized on her own that she had overreacted. And second, if Twilight were just a little bit angry about one of her best friends attacking her with a bee swarm.
Other than that, very well written.
Dude... I totally want to read Dash's story O.O
ReplyDeleteThat still doesn't change my mind about AJ's behavior in this fanfic. She still went too far.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna say that ponies are definitely over-reacting to the bee thing. Cartoons often portray over-the-top violence with none of the real world consequences.
ReplyDeleteIf you think about the idea of an anvil dropping on someone's head, you realize just how gruesome the prospect is, but within the realm of the many cartoons which have used this gag it is a harsh but SAFE display of hyperbole.
I'd say that skull crushing is a bit more worrisome than bee-stings, and yet I doubt anypony here is bothered by the Roadrunner cartoon's common use of this gag.
Basically, this is just a case of cartoonish hyperbole which has been taken far too seriously by readers.
Chris Meadows (Or Robotech_Master, who's the author?), I thought this was a fun and very silly little episode. There didn't seem to be a prominent story arch, and the pace felt a bit rushed, but for a casual read, it was entertaining enough. It was nice to see a little real life experience placed into the story, makes for a more natural read. Good job.
I just have to say that after what Twilight Sparkle did in "Lesson Zero", I think Applejack seeming a little out of character here to the point of seeming unconcern with the welfare of other ponies fits in with the sorts of things we've seen on the show JUST FINE.
ReplyDeleteAnd, likewise, after Rarity's ungenerosity toward her sister in the first part of "Sisterhooves Social".
ReplyDelete