Author: Al-170
Description: Wind Whistler, Gusty, and Applejack take a short trip to another dimension when they discover a capability of the rainbow vortex. However, they end up setting off a chain of events that causes chaos in two worlds.The Snowball Effect Part 1
The Snowball Effect Part 2
The Snowball Effect Part 3
The Snowball Effect Part 4
The Snowball Effect Part 5
The Snowball Effect Part 6
The Snowball Effect Part 7
The Snowball Effect Part 8
The Snowball Effect Part 9 (New!)
Additional Tags: G1, Multidimensional, Humans, Exploration, Oder
73 comments:
G1 and G4 collide? This sounds like madness.
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure about this. Just the thought of any earlier generation makes me cringe...
ReplyDeleteG1?
ReplyDelete...I'm going in. Wish me luck.
^We are all impressed by your bravery.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck, ToonNinja. You're going to need it.
ReplyDeleteIm giving you 4 stars(for now) and good luck.
ReplyDeleteNot the most beautifully written story, but I like it.
ReplyDeleteOkay, now that I've read this (and checked my vitals), I can comment properly.
ReplyDeleteThis story is kinda weird: just clearing that up right now. The dissonance between the two generations is mind-boggling, and I'm left wondering just how this can possibly end. Dammit all, I can only await the next installment to see where this is going.
Also, might want to tidy up the grammar a bit.
I like it...
ReplyDeleteI thought it was surprisingly good.
ReplyDeletePros: It entertained me. Interesting idea. I'm hooked to this.
ReplyDeleteCons: Grammar and spelling mistakes. Cliffhanger.
Bottom of line: MORE!
That's all.
Excellent opening chapters. Great story premise. Needs grammar and spelling help, but it isn't too bad. I eagerly await more.
ReplyDeleteI like the premise, and the story itself is most certainly interesting. Here's my 2 cents on what I liked and what I didn't, and what I think you could do to improve the piece.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I like the concept of G1 ponies being spatially displaced, and discovering Equestria. It's fun to see the two generations interacting with each other, especially where doubles are concerned. I'm intrigued by the circumstances that result in an apparently ruined Ponyland with advanced technology.
That said, I think the story could use some help in the spelling and grammar department, however. Words were often misspelled, and the narration seemed a bit wooden at times.
Furthermore, I think a bit more backstory for the G1 ponies would be good, too. Rather than having a disclaimer just stating the setting before the story even starts, consider weaving that bit into the dialogue and narration. The best stories are the ones that show, not tell.
Great concept: just polish the narration a bit and I think you'll have an awesome story. This thing has the potential to be great. I can't wait to see where the story leads.
*whistles* Okay then...
ReplyDeleteIt's certainly an interesting concept and I like the way the story is told from the point of view of the G1 ponies. I find it a little odd to think that the G1 ponies have interdimensional transporters though. That just seems... unlikely. Then again, I never actually watched the G1 My Little Pony for all the obvious reasons.
I was a little off-put by how many spelling and grammar errors there were. I think you may seriously want to consider getting yourself an editor. When there are this many spelling and grammar mistakes it can get tedious, even boring and/or painful to get through the story. It was very much this way when I was trying to get through the first half of the first chapter and had to not only deal with the spelling and grammar, but also with all of the pseudo-techno stuff and odd descriptions involved with the G1 place.
I suppose for what it is everybody's characterized well enough and the atmosphere feels pretty okay, but the flow is too broken up with bad spelling and grammar and the pace is just really too fast.
Still, interesting idea. Give it some more time, thought, and editing and you'll have a real winner on your hands.
3/5
Fucking G1.
ReplyDeleteCLEANSE PURGE KILL CLEANSE PURGE KILL
The spelling and grammar are that bad? I guess I'll get a proofreader.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually a series of stories about the G1's. However, I was not sure if Equestria Daily would take others.
I hope you guys like it going forward.
AUTHOR: Add a G1 primer to your piece! Put it in a Appendix or something. I'd like to read up on this thing (even if it's not G1 + G4 mixing as some may think) but I am soooo lost.
ReplyDeleteG1, Humans, and G4 collide?
ReplyDeleteLet someone else do the dirty work, because I am not wanting to travel into uncharted territory.
Anon 2:22 here. Go me for failing reading comprehension! It is what they said it was, I was misunderstanding the whole she-bang. Woot!
ReplyDeleteI do hope that the next chapter starts with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Pinkie Pie being scolded for recklessness.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in G1 continuity, Applejack never met Wind Whistler or Gusty. She was of the Midnight Castle/Dream Castle generation, and the other two were of the Paradise Estate generation. x.x
ReplyDeleteOh man, I love cross dimensional stories and this one is far better than the other G1/G4 mix I read (I forget the name...it also gets better once the G4 ponies land in G3's dimension).
ReplyDeleteI do kinda agree that a "this happened" before the story is kinda jarring. Still I don't remember anything about G1 having only seen a few episodes when I was little, and this story does well to keep interest.
Certainly going to follow this one.
Things will be explained in chapter 4. I might even be able to get rid of the little thing before chapter 1.
ReplyDeleteThis is the G1 continuity done my way. Basically, all the ponies released in 1985 (including reissues) and 1986 baby ponies are together in Dream Castle. There are also the Big Brothers, Mountain Boys, and stallions and colts I developed myself.
Two Applejacks? That's one too many.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, I did find the differences between the two Applejacks to be interesting. But G4 Applejack is best Applejack.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'd disagree, just because I've watched the show since '85 and the original Applejack will always be just that. But her namesake has been growing on me.
And I think if someone told G1 Applejack that her name was still remembered all this time later, she'd be stunned.
I'm hoping Crunch or Grogar or Lavan will show up at some point...
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIsn't Crunch about three apples high since the Heartstone got put into his collar?
@NB
ReplyDeleteWell, technically I suppose...
You make an excellent point good sir.
I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen that many crossovers with G1. Counting this one and "a Pony and a Portal" this makes 2.
ReplyDeleteOther than a couple of errors and a few typos it was an awesome story.
Looking forward to the next chapter and the eventual meetings of Pinkie Pie and Surprise.
...Well. That was... interesting...
ReplyDeleteIf you don't mind me saying? It feels like you just transformed the well rounded believable and lovable characters into blank slates like, say, the G1 ponies they just met.
This is not good.
Actually, though, I liked the bit with Celestia and Luna. Incognito and on an investigation? That was actually pretty neat. More of that please.
Idea for another crossover:
ReplyDeleteStargate + Ponies = Rainbowgate: SG1
Actually, the device is an ancient transformers ground bridge.
ReplyDeleteThe mane six will begin to let their personalities show through a bit more as time goes on. They're just a little shocked a the moment.
I'm still not certain what is going on. Was precursor technology common in G1? What's going on?
ReplyDeleteThe rainbow vortex is a joke by me. It's transformers technology left on the ponies world millions of years ago as a reference to another Hasbro property.
ReplyDeleteSo it was an epic battle between the Ponies vs. the Witches and then they got Aku-ed into another dimension. That actually would make sense considering the number of weird stuff they had to fight back in the old cartoon.
ReplyDeleteThere was an epic a hundred years ago. Then, one of the witches (the main "villain" of the first movie) came back to try to finish the job, but failed miserably for years. She eventually stole a gem that removed them from their dimension out of desperation to just get rid of them.
ReplyDeleteYay, Rainbow and Firefly finally meet! Been looking forward to that since I started reading!
ReplyDeleteBTW, am I a total dork for mentally hearing the G1 ponies (Surprise/Firefly) with the same voice actors as their FiM counterparts (Pinkie/Dash)? XD
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, I keep expecting the Decepticons to show up. I don't know why.
ReplyDeleteFor the record.
ReplyDeleteWe use 100% of our brain. Just not all at once, because that would be a seizure.
And we are using over 10% of our brain at any one point in time, even while asleep. /nitpick
Smith was giving an approximate figure. The point is he believes unicorns can push their brains to higher levels to use magic.
ReplyDeleteNo Decepticons will show up, I can assure you.
I've just realized something about Wind Whistler: when she gets wound up, the rest can't quite understand what she's saying. Given the fanon characterization of a certain letter carrier from the G4 continuity, it would have been instructive to see her interact with somepony with strabismus and a similar inability to get her point across. "Observation: that bluish-grey pegasus with amblyopia seems to use the word 'muffin' as verbal filler."
ReplyDelete@DreadedCandiru2
ReplyDeleteMaybe in another story. This story is mostly the mane six and CMC on Earth. I might right another about some of the G1 ponies exploring Equestria in more detail.
Though, I tend to prefer that certain pony as voiceless and conveys through expressions and body language like a certain coyote.
So the Ponies are about to fight Cobra?
ReplyDelete@Al-1701
ReplyDeleteThat may be what he believes, but that's not the way human brains work. Certain parts of the brain are active to, say, process vision. Pushing the visual cortex to a higher level of activity wouldn't improve vision - it would result in a seizure. Brain tissue is extremely costly in metabolic terms to maintain, and brains are highly optimized for efficiency. Most of the brain isn't active at any given time, but that's because those functions aren't needed at that particular time. Activating more stuff wouldn't result in magic, and there isn't a "magic lobe" or something that just sits there unused. If you want to go this route, you'll have to deal with the issue (or just ignore it) and its implications, like how people with epilepsy don't have magical powers when using all of their brains, and why other kinds of ponies can't use unicorn magic.
Also, you seem to be implying at the end that there is a conspiracy to suppress non-petroleum lubricants (at least that's the best I can make of their motivations there). They actually predate petroleum-based lubricants, and exist today. Petroleum is widely used because it is a cheap feedstock for producing many chemicals with useful lubricating properties.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteRemember this is science fiction and fantasy we're talking about. I admit this is rubber science, but so's warp drive. That's part of the fun.
And they don't plan to suppress the lubricant, they plan to steal it for their own purposes.
This is one of the only stories that I like that's actually being updated quickly.
ReplyDelete@Al-1701
ReplyDeleteAh. The writer of the 'Kaleidoscope' series thinks of her as a cute mute too; s/he's also the source of the name 'Bubbly Delight' for everyone's favorite background mail pony.
@Al-1701
ReplyDeleteScience fiction and fantasy should be self-consistent. For example, if activating more of a human brain grants magical powers in this setting, people with epilepsy should have magical powers during seizures (which might be interesting to explore - "We know from these case studies that it's possible. We just have to make it controllable."). Star Trek isn't particularly good at consistency, but the "physics" of warp drive affect other technologies, like communications and weapons that use / must accommodate the imaginary physics.
Why would a shadowy secret organization steal a prototypical (implying incomplete testing / optimization) lubricant using an armed assault force (implying that they control the government and media, else they'd have to deal with SWAT, national security, and news responses). Why would the lab developing the lubricant keep enough of a test substance on hand to supply a "perfect" arsenal's needs? Do they have a few tanker trucks of it standing by, or something? Why does the secret organization need this particular lubricant (the dialogue implies that it's a spur-of-the-moment decision based on new information)? They could buy a lot of commercially available lubricant (even non-petroleum) for the cost of an armed assault, and if they have the control of the government they'd need to pull off the assault, they could just divert some supplies intended for the actual military.
Since this plot line is coming out of nowhere, it's a bit distracting when some of the few details given don't seem to make sense.
Let me try to explain this better. Increased brain activity does not cause magic normally. That was Cooper's point. That's why they want to capture a unicorn for study to a. find out if Smith's right about their magic and b. how they do it. Smith wants to make a device to mimic the process in Humans. He doesn't think it happens normally.
ReplyDeleteAs for what they want with the lubricant. That's spoilers. Who they are and why they do what they do will be revealed later.
Part 6's link doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteAw damn it. Need permission for chapter 6.
ReplyDeleteI've changed the share settings to public. Everyone should be able to see it now.
ReplyDeleteSorry.
It is clear now that this story series will have to be made into an episode if for nothing else than to easily tell the characters apart from 1 another.
ReplyDeleteEh...not really a fan of the whole "secret evil orginization" thing as portrayed like this. It's kind of a disjunct with the feeling of the fic beforehand.
ReplyDelete@Melodia
ReplyDeleteThat's how a lot of G1 episodes were. Things are all fine and happy until the villain of the day shows up. Granted, they Order's appearance is a bit late in the story (There are probably three or four more chapters). However, I wanted to have some interactions and reactions between the G1 and G4 ponies before they had to deal with a villain together.
I'm enjoying the story, but I'm kind of bummed by how G1 ponies keep all their powers while in Equestria but our friends from FiM seem to be pretty useless out of theirs, and even if you compare the amount of power G1 Unicorns had in Equestria it also seemed excessively more powerful than usual.
ReplyDeleteG1 unicorns were very powerful with magic that was more combat oriented. The unicorns we've seen in FiM don't really have any magic that they could use in a fight. So, the G1's might seem overpowered compared to them.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I can tell you Twilight Sparkle is just as powerful as ever and will show it soon if it'll make you feel better.
Hey, it's your story and I am enjoying it, so no worries :) I was wondering at that little detail.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reply though!
Celestia used telekinesis! It's super effective! Helicopter fainted!
ReplyDeleteChapter 8 is giving me a "You don't have permission" message.
ReplyDeleteI enabled sharing. I keep forgetting about that. DX.
ReplyDeleteThe disjunction between worlds certainly takes some getting used to. But I'm dying to know how Celestia will get out of this. Please post more ^_^
ReplyDeleteuhm, it's ... ok. i'm not feeling it. why would smith immediately start the invasive procedure on Celestia prior to hearing an answer or waiting a decent amount of time (it seemed to me to be less than a few minutes)? i also don't like the Secret Organization thing but hey, it's cliche because it works. i guess. what is 'Intranational Affairs?' is that in the show, is that something that is divergent to our world? an analogue to the FBI? is this a law enforcement agency? military intelligence? national security agency department? it seems like it's a mix of all of those and, uhm, those don't exist really in the US. by law, the military is not allowed to be the primary law enforcement of anywhere excepting when they are placed under the command of a law enforcement agency and then usually only during a state of emergency. and why would he take a jet fighter anywhere? an investigation takes days or weeks to do, a regular jet would be more than sufficient for this purpose. if this is FBI analogue, how do they have access to fighter craft?
ReplyDeletei can't articulate very well how i feel, really.
a mixture of trepidation as to how you're currently approaching this and a desire to see it finished to see where it goes and how it works out. this is by no means a bad work, it ... works. it's just there seems to be issues. if this is meant to be like a G1 episode with 'rule of cool' overruling 'rule of consistency' then ... uhm, maybe i shouldn't nitpick so much? i'm sorry, it's not bad, it's just some thing i really don't understand. maybe i'm nerding it up too much. probably.
The MASS Device?? Why do I suddenly feel as if "Smith" might eventually take to calling himself "Adam DeCobray"?
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope that the Order finds Equestria a harder nut to crack than they might expect. Rarity has a modern-style military helmet in Dragonshy, after all, and that implies that either Equestria has a modern-style military, or that they know of other nations that do (and, presumably, they've got a military capable of standing up to them or an alliance with someone who can).
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've dropped quite a few references to other Hasbro franchises. What the ponies use is an abandoned Decepticon ground bridge used to stash energon in their dimension. Fortunately, that's the only way to travel between dimensions, so the Order isn't showing up in Equestria anytime soon and I doubt they would stand much of a chance against Celestia at her full power.
ReplyDelete*halfway through chapter one* I REALLY hope that these EARTHLINGS become EARTH PONIES like they'r supposed to.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed that; although I was a little put off by how 'useless' the G4s were (although their world is pretty much 'peace and love' they've shown no hesitation when faced with danger before). I also got the impression that the G1 unicorns basically had one special ability (+teleport), while G4s (Twilight anyway) were more generalists (no experience with any of the earlier generations, so be gentle!). Celestia also seemed a bit easy to catch and keep (would have expected at least a Twilight level magical ability, even without full 'solar power'), or did I miss something there?
ReplyDeleteOn the Order: the ability to teleport is pretty much a game changer, would you really need much more for world domination? Or are the capabilities of the device limited?
And finally...you mentioned this was part of a series, are the others online anywhere?
@ Luna-tic Scientist
ReplyDeleteYeah G1 unicorns were that in a nut shell. G2 had them but only in the toyline not the show(unless you count that one alicorn)and G3 had them in the later specials(never saw them so i don't know if they did magic).
Really enjoyed this story and like the idea of the Order, they're like Mech but with some of Cobra's better toys.
I was going to ask about the Harpies and the Penguins, but I'm going to take a guess that this Earth is like an adaption of the Hasbro/Marvel/Sunbow Earth where GIJoe, Transformers and the Inhumanoids use to roam back in the 80's.
Looking forward to what you have coming up.
@ ultra8:
ReplyDeleteMLP Tales was G1, not G2. G2 never got a show.
Have you considered posting this on http://www.fimfiction.net/ ?
ReplyDelete@Minalkra
ReplyDeleteIf you wonder how they eat and breath,
and other science facts,
say to yourself "It's just a fic,
I really should relax!"