[Adventure][Sad][Grimdark]
Author: Viktor Lionheart
Description: A shadow from Celestia's past, the cause of her parent's deaths, is stirring in the depths of Equestria and it threatens to destroy everything she loves. Meanwhile, one of the mane 6 encounters a mysterious visitor who tempts her with an ancient and powerful magic. Can the ponies of Equestria band together against a foe not even the Elements of Harmony could defeat?Skyfall Part 1
Skyfall Part 2
Skyfall Part 3
Skyfall Part 4
Skyfall Part 5
Skyfall Part 6
Skyfall Part 7
Skyfall Part 8
Skyfall Part 9
Skyfall Part 10 (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, Adventure, Inner Demons, War, Forgiveness
55 kommentaari:
1sttttttttttttttt
VastaKustuta@Michael Bignell why must you soil ED with your tacky need for attention?
VastaKustutaHmm... color me intrigued.
VastaKustutaSpoilers incoming:
VastaKustuta>prince and friend
>friend goes off to find power, comes back changed, evil
>fights prince, wins, is driven off
I've seen this little plot in a couple of other places before, I think, but that makes it no less intriguing. I'm going to keep my eye on this one, because it looks like it has a lot of potential, and is pretty great so far! Keep it up, Viktor Lionheart!
Also, there are occasional errors here and there (for instance, missing periods at the end of sentences, such as 'The door opened', '"I'm afraid I don't know wha-ouch"' and so on), but with a good proofreader, you could quite easily make this a 6-star story. If you need one, shout out in the comments!
Awesome sauce! Moar! Me want moar!
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaMore spoilers ahead:
Given what it talked Fluttershy into doing with respect to Angel, I could see it being evil (even if the lesser of two evils PERHAPS), or it could just be just what he said, and the author's way of making Fluttershy a bit edgier.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaThanks for the input! I admit I'm not the best proofreader in the world, so I may take you up on that in future posts.
I'm glad you enjoy it so far. I'll be posting parts 4 and 5 very soon, after I've touched them up a bit. Thanks to all of my readers for your time and input :)
Just finished chapter 1, i want more. :T
VastaKustutaJust finished chapter 4, i must have more. :I
VastaKustutaEnjoyed the story! Keep it coming.
VastaKustutaSPOILERS:
My viewpoint is perhaps affected due to another story I've read recently, but I sincerely hope "being" inhabiting with Fluttershy is in fact "good" and not evil merely taking advantage of her kindness. I just feel bad for her in that case.
O-O!!! Loving the pony suspense.
VastaKustuta@DracoDei
VastaKustutaGood call on Acheron! Unless there is a twist involving Celestia being evil it seems as if your suspicions were correct.
Hmm...
VastaKustuta(SPOILERS & PREDICTIONS) Both Acheron and Chronus (through Celestia) each claim to have sealed someone (Chronus and a "being", could be Acheron) within the pendant. It's very easy to say Acheron's lying (indicated by a couple of slip-ups on his part, as well as other things mentioned above) and slowly turning Fluttershy against everyone.
However, the fact that Luna doesn't know anything about her parents, as well as the song Celestia sung about a "Tyrant King", puts suspicion on Chronus as well. I'm going with DracoDei's guess about Acheron simply being the lesser of two evils.
I love complicated stories that keep you guessing, keep it up. There were still some errors, mostly with capital letters on proper nouns ("princess Celestia" and "ms Shy" tere two that stuck out), but not enough to ruin the story for me.
I'm pretty sure this chapter had some subtleties that flew under my radar upon a first reading, going to have to give another read when I have more time.
VastaKustutaThe Mane 6(minus Dash) seemed way too understanding being lied to, especially Twilight. The misleading and lack of trust shown by Celestia towards Twilight from her mentor/idol, should have triggered a pretty strong negative response.
This just got really fucking convoluted really fast
VastaKustutaOne of the more interesting things I found is that Celestia and her mom were turned into alicorns when Chronus was trapped. What about Luna? She isnt mentioned in any of that and you would assume she would remember that.
VastaKustuta@ La Barata
VastaKustutaDon't worry - all questions will be answered soon.
@ iastfan112
Concerning what you said about the mane 6's reactions - Perhaps, although it seems to me that Twilight has always been a logical thinker. I believe that if she were presented with such a situation, given how much she trusts Celestia's judgement (thinking back to just after the mane 6's defeat of Nightmare Moon - Twilight realizes she should have simply trusted the princess's advice about making friends) Twilight may have been a little hurt, but she would have recognized the logical justification behind Celestia's actions.
However, in retrospect, I think you do have a point. When I wrote this chapter, I may have allowed myself to get a little too wrapped up in trying to present all of the facts, and perhaps some of the characterization suffered for it. There is one bit that I had initially meant to include in this chapter that I accidentally left out, so I will probably try to fix that at the same time (as soon as I have the time to fix it, that is). Thank you for taking the time to read this (I'm fairly new to the fanfic writing scene), and for bringing this issue to my attention. I hope I can count on your council in future!
@ Cyber.Kuriboh
Actually, Chronus wasn't trapped - If you think I should make this clearer, I would be happy to fix it. As for Luna, I purposefully, left her out. You will find out very soon why she is a little different from the rest of her family.
Thank you all for your time and input!
Going to start tomorrow! Hopefully a good read! :)
VastaKustutaLove to watch it online. Thanks for links sharing.
VastaKustutaWatch TV Shows Online
Part 7 is actually an updated Part 6. Someone gone an' derped.
VastaKustutaNot sure if Part 7 is supposed to be linked or if that is just an updated part 6.
VastaKustutaChapter 6 changes really hit all the right notes with me. Great job. As with others I'm wondering if a Chapter 7 was supposed to be included with this or if it was merely a revision.
VastaKustutaYeah, sorry about that - the new link was supposed to be a fixed part 6, not part 7. Part 7 is coming soon, though I've asked the Great and Powerful Trixie to fix it.
VastaKustuta@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaWould you happen to have a rough idea when we could expect a Chapter 7, anxiously awaiting it personally.
@iastfan112
VastaKustutaShould be up later today - i already sent it in.
Wow that chapter was really really dark between the Celestia and Fluttershy stuff. Well written and worth the wait for sure. I liked how this was more of an emotional bridge chapter rather than a significant plot mover. I do wonder Acheron's plan involving Fluttershy going forward. My single favorite scene in this chapter was the AJ and Dash conversation, nailed the characters and emotions they would be feeling.
VastaKustutaMy minor criticism would come from the Chronus and Celestia conversation/argument, something about Celestia's dialogue just didn't completely click with me, can't put my finger on what though. The other concern I have going forward is how dark this fic is going to get because I definitely see routes where this fic could get very depressing and well, damn, ultimately I'm hoping for a happy ending here!
Is anyone else thinking that Acheron might have been telling the truth earlier, and that Chronus feeding into the fear of him that he created to get them to help him use Dominion?
VastaKustutaI mean, he could be absolutely bibbledy batshit, but still telling the truth.
VastaKustutaLatest chapter needs more descriptions in the dialog between Celestia and her father. There's a bit too much simple back and forth without descriptions of how the two are physically reacting to each others words.
VastaKustuta.......... Acheron's a d*@#.
Acheron you absolute c***! I also think there's something more sinister to Chronus, but he might be a lesser evil than Chronus. :(
VastaKustuta@Specter Von Baren
VastaKustutaI think you nailed what my issue with that conversation. At 2 am I couldn't put a finger on it but I just knew something felt a bit off.
@Specter Von Baren
VastaKustutaHmm...I think you might have something there. There was something bothering me about that bit, as well - I must have rewritten it a dozen times, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. I'll tinker with it some more and submit a fixed copy soon. Thanks, as always for your time and input!
@ iastfan 112.
VastaKustutaRegarding your concerns over the darkness of this fic -
In my opinion, very depressing fics are engaging to an extent, but can seem pointless and gratuitous after a while. On the other hand, a happy ending wouldn't be as meaningful if the characters didn't have to go through hell to get to it. That's all I can say for now.
@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaYour second point is exactly how I feel. This is one of a couple of stories I'm actively keeping tabs on to see if the authors have said anything about when the next update is so, yes, despite the grimness of the last chapter I'm still on board!
@iastfan112
VastaKustutaChapter 8 should be up sometime next week. Thanks very much for your time :). I'm also thinking of including illustrations with future submissions.
Fluttershy :(
VastaKustuta@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaSorry, scratch that - been really busy this week, but Ill have it up in a couple of days or so.
Any new timeline when we'll see this story updated?
VastaKustuta@iastfan112
VastaKustutaMy deepest apologies - jury duty along with a lot of other stuff the past couple of weeks has given me little time to write. However, I am just now putting the finishing touches on Chapter 8, and will be uploading sometime tomorrow - That is final this time. This is also by far the longest chapter, so its taken me a bit longer to finish.
In the meantime, I have fixed chapter 7 as mentioned above and I will be submitting fixed copies of some of the prior chapters in the near future to take care of a couple of very minor continuity errors, and to improve the quality of the writing in general.
Thank you very much for your continued readership, and again, sorry for the delay.
@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaNo need to apologize, ponies are hardly life's highest priority. I don't mean to come off as nagging, it's merely nice to know a rough timeline for fic updates(imo). I look forward to the newest chapter. Continue to put out an interesting story and I'm fine with the wait!
Damn, shit's gettin' epic1
VastaKustutaI'm aiming to have part 9 up sometime next week. Of course, I cannot make any promises what with the chaotic nature of my schedule, but I will try to avoid the month-long interim that preceded parts seven and eight. Thanks to all of you for your time and input.
VastaKustutaJust a shout-out to anypony who is still waiting for the next chapter:
VastaKustutaChapter 9 is in progress and nearly complete. This next one's a bit of a turning point and there's a lot that needs to happen, so it's kind of a long one - hence the delay. At any rate, thank you all so much for your continued readership.
@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaGood to hear, I've been checking periodically and was slightly concerned that perhaps this had been abandoned.
Well, at this point I suppose this will be in vain. But I'm still waiting for chapter 9.
VastaKustutaFret not - chapter 9 is going to be by far the largest chapter, easily twice as long as chapter 8, which is why its taken so long. I really do appreciate your continued readership, especially since this is my first fanfic, and I'm sorry for not posting more regularly.
VastaKustutaA lot happens in this chapter in terms of wrapping up some loose ends, delving a bit deeper into the backstories of certain characters, and the nature of the relationship between Chronus and Acheron. Here is where things are going to start happening pretty fast, and I'm trying to make sure I stay as true as possible to the characters and how they would realistically be reacting. Though the actual plot for the chapter and the sheer majority of the writing is complete, I am in the process of making the proper adjustments and tweaks to try to avoid any inaccuracy in characterization.
I know I'ts already been quite some time, but the chapter will be ready soon. Again, thanks so much for your time and comments, and for your continued readership.
@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaWas totally not expecting a reply from you.
Well this is certainly great to hear but if you don't mind, I'd rather continue fretting.
After much delay, have an update! This is only the first of two parts of chapter 9 - the latter half still needs a bit of tweaking, but I will upload it soon. I will post a comment here to let you know when the full chapter is uploaded- it'll be under the same link. Sorry for the wait, and, as all ways, thanks for reading!
VastaKustutaIn the words of Fluttershy...~yay.
VastaKustutaChapters one and two updated for error fixes and general improvement - working on three and four.
VastaKustutaChapter 9 part two posted. There is still one more part to go - I'll post another comment when it's up.
VastaKustuta@Viktor Lionheart
VastaKustutaHmmm... Google Docs loves to derp my formatting. I think I fixed it all, but don't hesitate to let me know if there are any sore thumbs in there.
Just a statuus update - Chapter 9 part 3 should be up sometime tomorrow, and chapter 10 is nearly complete.
VastaKustuta9 part 3 is finally up. expect chapter 10 soon.
VastaKustutaOkiedokielokie. I highly doubt anypony is visiting this page anymore, but for those of you who are, I have pretty much stopped updating this page. I am, however, updating this story regularly on FimFiction.net
VastaKustutaI was not at all please with the quality of my work before now, so I ended up deciding to pretty much rewrite the whole thing. The story is still the same, but thanks to my trusty team of editors, the quality of the writing has been vastly improved and there is quite a bit of original content that was not in the first draft of the story.
The google docs links above should still work, I think, but I will be uploading the revised chapters in their places.
Thank you all very much for those of you who took the time to read this, and I'm very sorry to have left you all hanging like this. I have by no means given up on this story
and I hope you will join me on FimFiction as I continue to write it.