Author: Doctor Scraps
Description: Twilight is incited to begin a persuit of love and romance as a part of the magic of friendship after Rarity goads her about never having fallen in love before. Misadventures ensue.The Romancing Quest (All Links)(New Part 13!)
Additional Tags: Twilight, friends, romance, dating, derpy
233 kommentaari:
>romance, dating
VastaKustuta>Fluttershy
Been done before
>derpy
Ehh that's interesting
>Scootaloo
BUT SHE'S JUST A FILLY!!!!!
I think this one's a twixie.
VastaKustutaDefinitely looks like something I can get into, hope that it doesn't turn out bad.
VastaKustutaI like it, but I am definitely a fan of Twixie.
VastaKustutaI look forward to the completion of this story.
VastaKustutaSo now we have the REAL Romancing Quest.
VastaKustutaFor a moment I thought that Zecora story had updated already, but this is good too!
Shipping Away!
Adorable story, fun to read :)
VastaKustutaGlad to see no actual shipping given the topic!
Great work, keep it up!
Hmm.
VastaKustutaI hope you're not going to be to hard on poor Trixie, after reading your comment at the start of chapter 4 :P But yeah, fun story. Looking forward to more.
Dear celestia I hope this doesn't turn into another twixie or frankly, twilight being a fillyfooler at all, that is the one thing that this fandom does that I just loathe
VastaKustutaI aprove of this fic ¬u¬
VastaKustuta"Love is like…a Muffin! A muffin, with frosting on it!"
VastaKustuta"You mean like a cupcake?"
"Whoa…"
That part made me laugh.
A fic about romance that doesn't involve actual shipping? Whoa!
VastaKustutaThe Dr. Whooves part made me laugh.
HELL YEAH TWIXIE
VastaKustutaWait! Wait wait wait! Go back!!
VastaKustutaThat stuff with the Doctor sounded FREAKING AWESOME!! Can we... go back and see that? Please?
I mean, not that the story wasn't good in it's own right. It was vry enjoyable and quite funny(I especially liked the bit with Derpy) but... MY GOD MAN! You don't just bring up the concept of saving young princess Celestia from Pirates and saving guys from Cyberponies and such and just DROP IT!! O_O
It seems to me that Twilight's end of the Twixie appeared very suddenly; hopefully it will be elaborated on later.
VastaKustutaWhy am I reminded of a song?
VastaKustuta"You can't hurry love, noooooo, you'll just have to wait! Love don't come easyyy, it's just a game of give and take!"
It's definitely something Twilight would do, but I don't think she's developing any real feelings for any of the ponies she's been with yet, even Trixie. If anything, I feel like she's just been using all of them to prove a point, ESPECIALLY with Trixie. Thing is, I'm not sure if this lack of feeling is the author's mistake or if this is really how they want Twilight characterized?
I'm looking forward to seeing how this ends up, though.
I'm intrigued at how this is going so far. But it needs more Pinkie Pie.
VastaKustuta@the end of the first chapter made me think;
VastaKustutaWhat is love? Baby don't hurt meee
Really enjoyed this fic. Can't wait to see it continue.
VastaKustutaHonestly, I was a bit disappointed that it turned out as Twilight/Trixie shipping. Until the end of Chapter 2, I was thinking: "This sooo needs to be an episode in Season 2". I still like the story though.
VastaKustutaInteresting premise, if not too original, but I just can't get past the atrocious grammar. Author person, if you read this, heed my words: Find yourself some proofreaders.
VastaKustutaAlso, the title makes me want to write a real ROMANCE quest fic, Faerie Queene style, or perhaps a Le Morte d'Arthur crossover.
This story is great. It reads like a real episode, it evokes thoughts on astract yet extremely important themes, and has healthy doses of comedic relief mixed in.
VastaKustutaBut I'm worried about Derpy. If Dash's comment about her hurting somepony isn't in any way related to Chekhov, I'll be really surprised.
*giggles* Ah I love it! <^^> Very cute and amusing. Keep up the good work!
VastaKustutaLove it! If Twilight does fall for anypony, I'm actually wanting it to be Trixie. For some reason, I feel Rarity would be a better fillyfriend for Big Mac.
VastaKustutaI eagerly await the fifth chapter! XD
@Gallant Vision:
VastaKustutaFor some reason, I always see Big Mac and Fluttershy together.
OT: Did you use the Pony Name Generator to produce your nickname? I once entered my real life name into the Pony Name Generator, and the output was Gallant Aura.
>Chapter 3, one of the most beautiful Twixie moments I've ever read
VastaKustuta>Chapter 4, "No dedicated shipping"
what are you doing to my heart author
what are you doing
(5-star rated for hilarity and excellence)
@Tarvoc Macinshy also seems to be a good shipping IMO, but I haven't yet read any fics with it.
VastaKustutaAnd yes, I did get my name from the pony name generator. I also did it with the name of one of my Sonic fan characters, and he got the name Sterling Valor, which actually fits him to a T (he has white fur and helps out anyone in need).
I'm a little wary with this one, I'm liking where things are going so far, and especially liking that it seems to have moved away after veering so perilously close to Twixie territory in 3. Well, Twi's veered away at least, Trixie seems dead-set on a collision course in this one, but I'm okay with that. I could care less what happens to this instance of that mare, but not much. Strange, since Trixie's the one I care about most in The Empty Room.
VastaKustutaGo figure.
Interested to see where things go with Macintosh, I think he'd be a decent match for Twilight; I get the strong impression that he's honest, dedicated, knows the meaning of commitment, and that there's a lot more going on up there than his easy country pony demeanor would suggest, but that's just my two bits.
Plus there's that accent. Oh Celestia, DAT ACCENT. Sweet, delicious southern comfort.
Woah. Going a little Pinkie Pie here. I'mma stop talkin' now 'fore I post an essay.
...
Needs moar Pinkie.
If, at the end of chapter one, Celestia's reply scroll didn't simply read "My faithful student:
VastaKustutaBaby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more
-Princess Celestia"
then her title as Princess Trollestia must be immediately revoked.
Great job on the story so far. The characters are in tune, and every chapters was downright hilarious. Hope you get 6-stars for this!
VastaKustutaOh, this'll be good. I can tell.
VastaKustutaI have really been enjoying this story...but I really hope Twilight and Trixie end up together in the end! Hooray for Twixie! The most great and powerful love of all!
VastaKustutaJust finished the latest chapter.
VastaKustutaI demand Pinkie/Brian fanart. Nao.
Man Trixie at the end of chapter 5 was gold!
VastaKustutaI actually like Ch. 5 a lot more than you seemed to have intended for anypony to enjoy. I don really think it's much of a "Filler" Chapter. It adds development for the TwiMac shipping that's neither too heavy nor too light.
VastaKustutaMy next comment will probably be hated by many, but I really don't want this to end up as a Twixie fanfic. Honestly, I don't like the two together; I'd much rather see TwiLuna, but putting something like that into this story with Twilight and Big Macintosh already shipping wouldn't really be good, even in my tastes. xD
Keep up the good work! When can we expect Ch. 6?
I actually enjoyed this chapter too. It was more development. I'm not sure where exactly you're going with this yet, but if that Trixie bit at the end was any indication, it should be interesting.
VastaKustutaI must admit Twixie is my favorite ship, but I'm a little torn on how I would feel if this fic took that direction.
Top hats are actually really expensive. How did Pinkie Pie afford so many to hand out?
VastaKustutaWell, obviously the same way Pinkie Pie affords every shindig.
VastaKustutaI'm glad everyone is enjoying the story. I may have been a bit hard on Ch. 5 due to the fact that I literally rewrote the date scene three times from three different approaches.
Chapter 6 may be a few days at least, as I am returning to a regular work schedule- I shall be diligent.
I am enjoying the TwiMac good sir. If you can somehow make it to where all three of Twilight, Big Mac, and Trixie get into a working relationship where all three of them can enjoy each other's company.
VastaKustutaI shall give you the deed to the Internet. If there isn't one, by God I will make it and quest for it. Punch A Shark in the face and have it dry humped by Chuck Norris then bring Pope John Paul the Second back from the dead to Baptize the Norris-Humped Great White Carcass. Then Appease the Gods so I can get that freaking Deed to the Internet. Then give it to you because you shall be the GOD of all Fan Fiction Authors who deserves every bit of the internet for making a TwiTrixMac Fan Fiction that works!
Chapter 5 was dawwww, even if it does go against both Twiluna and Fluttermac, two of my official ships. And in-character Twixie is also amusing.
VastaKustutaTwiMac shipping is best shipping for this fic. It's dominating something mighty, I don't think Twixie shipping's gonna stand a snowball's chance in hell.
VastaKustutaBut then again, this is a *comedy* I'm reading. I might as well expect the shenanigans Trixie's gonna pull off in later chapters.
A Twilight/BigMac/Trixie love triangle? All of my dreams... they are coming true.
VastaKustutaHow the hell did I miss this story the first time? This thing is fantastic.
VastaKustutaIs a threesome out of the question?
VastaKustutaTwiMac and Twixie... I don't think there are much more different character dynamics.
VastaKustutaThis is sweet, but please enlist someone who can tell the difference between "peak" and "peek". HATE that.
VastaKustutaOkay, after reading the latest chapter, I actually like the notion of Twilight hooking up with Big Mac. As well as after reading the story 'His Name is Mac' the other night, I now feel that Big Macintosh is a great match-up with any of the Mane 6 (Applejack not romance-wise, of course. Pony-cest I do not want.)
VastaKustutaI cannot wait for the sixth chapter! *half-expecting Trixietosh*
Must... Wait... For... Ch. 6...
VastaKustutaGAH! I can't take it anymore. I need to know what will happen! I'm out of ShipFic to read, so I'm so BORED without something awesome to read like this.
I don't mean to complain like this; it's just my humor. :P
Can anyone suggest a good ShipFic to read while I'm waiting for Ch. 6? I'm quite fond of TwiLuna (and pretty much all Luna ships), RariJack, FlutterJack, and TwiMac (thanks to this story).
@Gallant Vision
VastaKustuta>Trixietosh
Hmmmmm. I like that idea.
@Tricane
VastaKustutaYOU ARE TEARING ME APART, DOCTOR!
VastaKustutaoh god
VastaKustutawhat did i just read
inb4 Big Trixie.
VastaKustutaOr Trixietosh.
FUCKING FORGET TWILIGHT DAMN IT.
I gotta say, I've seen some rivalries for affection before in stories. But this is the first time I've seen a male going up against a female for the love of another filly. That right there takes the metaphorical yellow cake with lemon meringue frosting. Loving it!
VastaKustutai draw the line at sleeping with ponies
VastaKustutaA very interesting premise, and you seem to be executing it quite well (despite the odd error in mechanics). I shall continue following this with great interest.
VastaKustutaBeing the Great and Powerful Trixie, naturally Trixie will root for herself! She is the best match for Twilight after all! However if Trixie can say her piece, she's actually expecting this to end with FlutterMac and Twixie. Don't ask why it's just what Trixie sees!
VastaKustutahmm... Trixietosh, that would be an interesting and hilarious subversion: Twilight ends up brokenhearted...until a certain Doctor decides he needs some help saving the universe.
VastaKustutaThis was really great! I really enjoyed your interpretation of Big Mac (as in normal, not gay, socially awkward, or emotional withdrawn, like people tend to make him. Just a normal male character that isn't spike).
VastaKustuta... then chapter six roles around and everything is ruined for me by Trixie, true to character. Dammit, it was going so well too! Why Twixie!? Whhhyy??!!
Dear Doctor Scraps,
VastaKustutaWhat happened? things were going so very well until Trixie showed up again. It totally through off the pacing! Suddenly, after 5 and a half chapters of pretty funny, show characteristic (sorta...) interactions with Twi, my fav pony, and her little dating experiment, and then the Big Mac THing, which was super cute, had to be ruined by shipfic.
Why does Twi suddenly have ANY serious affections for either of them? One date with mac, and one trixie encounter and suddenly they battle for her eternal love? Dude, you tragically tossed out sensible plot to add shipping. Poor choice.
However...
So if he's really fast on his hooves, then he'll be extra fast if he can be fast haulin' our rocks! He's buildings endurance and stamina! He'll need it for when he marries Twilight and she becomes my sister!"
"Why's that, Applebloom?" Sweetie-Belle asked.
"Well, I always heard Applejack talkin' how Big Mac was fit to bust a filly when-"
"Applebloom!" Macintosh called over his shoulder, giving her a stern glare.
"Just sayin'!"
I about shit myself laughing. subtle humor. excellent.
Trixie definitely.
VastaKustutaSorry good guys but the villains win the popularity contest here.
Trixie Trixie Trixie oh god please choose Trixie...
VastaKustutaHmm....
VastaKustutaYeah, I'm with the MacTrix croud... It seems to obvious not to be true, especially after the last chapter.
I'd love to be proven wrong though.
Am I the only one who gets annoyed with getting stories off of FF... I dont read the stories on the pc, and generally use my phone. ( No offence to the author, its not them. I just feel FF needs a way to download like every other fanfiction site has. Although, what is with google pages, O.O that seems like a fail completely there. )
VastaKustutaANYWHO, I can't wait to read this, I skimmed the comments and it seems this is shaping up to be a really good story. Plus its about Twi, best pony ever!
Doctor Scraps is either very brave or very foolish. If Big Mac wins the girl, there will be a lot of angry, disappointed fans. If Trixie wins the girl, Scraps has just broken the unspoken rule that the 'good guy' always wins. (Remembering that Trixie is still a villain)
VastaKustuta@Doc Steedly
VastaKustutaThere's plenty of programs out there to DL from FF.net.
If Twilight picks one, she should pick Trixie. God knows Trixie needs it more...
VastaKustutaI am disappointed in all of you bronies. Macintosh is such a gentlecolt and he deserves Twilight. >=O
VastaKustutaYes, we have a neighsayer here. Not that I don't like Trixie, but I feel Mac is the better pony for Twilight.
I see a lot of potential pairings flying around here.
VastaKustutaI do not, however, see a shipping tag up there. If you're just trolling shippers here and nopony ends up with anypony then I may just have to marry you.
@Anonymous
VastaKustuta*raises eyebrow*
You got five chapters into this story and didn't see this situation coming? The story is a comedy called "The Romancing Quest" and Trixie was featured in Chapter 3, and you expected her to not come back to throw a spanner into the works?
When Trixie first showed up at Twilight's door, the bit where she expressed her feelings had me laughing so hard I was having trouble breathing. And the scene at the end of Chapter 7 caused similar reactions (Celestia playing the role chessmaster while messily eating cupcakes is far funnier than I feel it has any right to be).
I am making a wild guss that Trixie and Big Mac will fall in love with eachother
VastaKustutaJust read chapter 8. I didn't think it was possible to cram more shipping into this story, but you've somehow managed to shoehorn more in. Me Gusta.
VastaKustutaOkay. There's like 10 different ways this can end, all of them insane. And I absolutely love it.
VastaKustutaTwiluna, LunaMac (!), Trixietosh (!!), Twixietosh(!!!). Hell, it can end with nothing happening at all (I note it still doesn't have a Shipping tag). The only thing I'm absolutely sure is not going to happen is Twixie or TwiMac. I'd put money on it.
Spoilers...
VastaKustutaOk...I am... I don't know, a little angry? Luna's threat aimed at Trixie probably doesn't go for Trixie losing the race, but losing Twilight regardless of the outcome of the race. Also, she is the one who sneakily planted the idea of cheating into Trixie's head. It just feels like the royal sister(s) are setting Trixie up here.
Two things:
VastaKustuta1. Your next project is SO about Celastia's little love affair.
2. Nobody's going to end up together, are they?
@TenchiFreak5
VastaKustutaI still prefer Twixie Pie
Throwing in some ship-tease with LunaMac seemed kinda random, unless...aw crap. You're planning on this ending up as Twixie, aren't you?
VastaKustutaThen again, it seems like you are painting Big Mac in a more sympathetic light than Trixie...
Never mind, I am just confused. Sometimes it doesn't pay to Wild Mass Guess, as it will just leave you with a headache.
Worth a read, if you're this far into the comments and haven't started. Start!
VastaKustutaStory wise this love triangle is just to great to pass up!
At first I didn't think much of this fic, but when I noticed that there's no shipping tag, I decided to read. It was totally worth it.
VastaKustutaHowever, that Celestia-Doctor thing made me raise an eyebrow...
p.s. I also hope it's not gonna end up Twixie.
It's going to be awkward when the classic Suitor A wins the race and then Twilight decides to go with Suitor B.
VastaKustutaEveryone will be like; "Wait... What? I don't even..."
I just have this wierd notion that whoever wins Twillight will end up loosing xd
VastaKustuta..
If they are setting her up, Baree, she only has herself to blame; cheating is cheating. Blaming some random pony who suggested she use underhanded tactics to win is no defence for her lack of integrity.
VastaKustutaThey could have tried the same thing with Mac, but since that pony's character is not suspect, there was no need.
@Bronode
VastaKustutaI might agree with that if it hadn't been Luna who suggested that. It would only be fair then to also suggest it to BigMac.
WHEN NEXT PART PLZ
VastaKustutainb4 a certain Trixie-loving administrator removes this fic
VastaKustutaEwww, heterosexual.
VastaKustutaTrixie, nooooo!
VastaKustutaAnd what happened to the [Shipping] tag?
After that kiss I was expecting it to suddenly turn into Trixietosh
VastaKustutaI am not Barack Obama, but I approve this fic.
VastaKustutaWait... Fluttershy is a little filly now? When did that happen?
VastaKustutaMe gusta.
VastaKustutaIm not sure exactly where this can go next, but hey, Ill read it! Also: IN YOUR FACE Trixie fans! Put that in your pipe and smoke it... that is... if you don't mind.
You lost me at the Twixie shipping, I only read this because I didn't see a shipping tag, but I stopped at chapter 3....
VastaKustutaEW CUPCAKES REFERENCE EW EW EW.
VastaKustutalol Does Luna want some Fluttershy?
VastaKustutaThis is about the funniest shit I've read today.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaTo add on to this (I'm the same anon who's too lazy to put in a nickname) - I'm on the fourth chapter and am literally shaking with laughter. I love comedic takes on just about everything and this has some joke for every possible situation.
I would probably be in a writer's block if i were writing chapter 10. Looks like i'll have a surprise when i read the next one!
VastaKustutaHowever, how lucky am i to start reading this story just as chapter 9 was made.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaWell, with the larger then average size of luna compared to other pones and the fact that flutersy seems to shrink down as much as possible when Nervous, i think luna is excused in thinking fluttershy is a little filly. :)
Luna be pissed.
VastaKustutaI know you've probably heard this form many other ponies, but when I read the end of chapter one, where she asks the princess 'what is love?' I immediately started singing the song! XD (I ASSUME that you know which song I am referencing, anyway)
VastaKustutaAnyhoof, I'm gonna get back to reading, as I have 8 moar chapters to read! (Liking it so far!^^)
Gussing the end will be big mac x trixie
VastaKustutaXD I WAS wondering how this didn't have a shipping tag on it, but it's just too comedic to HAVE a shipping tag! XD (Then again, I AM only on chapter 7, so who knows if I'll be proved wrong?! XD)
VastaKustutaSorry to comment 50 billion times in a row, BUUUUUT...
VastaKustutaI JUST got to the middle of chapter 8, and I SO rofl'ed! XD I know it might be REALLY obvious, but the stallion Princess Celestia had/has a crush on or whatever is Dr. Whoof, isn't it?! XD Seeing as how on Twilight's date with the Doc, she DID meet the young Princess, so it only stands to reason that if she did and still DOES love somepony... It's only logical, isn't it? ANyhoof, I just wanted to let you know that I REALLY like those small kind of details that tests a reader's memory like that! I'll stop blathering on now, and finish getting caught up! HUGE Brohoof for ya, Doc. Scraps! (Can I just call ya Doc?)
Great story! I think Luna may have a student of her own soon?
VastaKustutaNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I caught up! ;n; Now I have to wait... Whai.... WHAIIIIII?!?!?!
VastaKustuta@Nightsong *pets with a gentle hoof*
VastaKustuta...Easy does it, kemosabe. I'm plucking at chapter 10 on and off today. Expect it by at least Tuesday, or Wednesday, depending on when Seth puts it up. I'm glad you're enjoying it. ^_^
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
VastaKustuta@Clockwork
VastaKustutaYou know, I've been trying to figure out what role Luna plays in this, and that was one of the possibilities that crossed my mind. She's certainly been pretty annoyed by the whole thing since the start, especially Celly's role in the proceedings, but she's been holding her hand close.
@Doctor Scraps
VastaKustuta/)^3^(\ You're an awesome writer, mate. I can't wait for chapter 10!
I can feel a war kinda brewing between Trixie or Macintosh, and personally I'm placing my vote for Trixie. I mean, the scenes with her and Twilight are just so cute!
@182crazyking
VastaKustuta*Well, I actually didn't mean to post that until I had actually finished chapter 9 (cause I was gonna edit based on the outcome) but my magnetic fingers drew me to the post button.
I admit, I did want Trixie to win, but I'm glad you're adding another chapter or so. If it were to end on 9, it'd have made one of those empty pits that you keep thinking "I wonder what would happen..." about.
God I butchered that sentence, but my laptop is about 2 inches from my shoulders so I'm typing the best I can here.
This reads like a crappy romantic comedy, only it's funny. However, Twilight is out of character, so a 3/5 from me (I grade hard)
VastaKustutaromancing quest, yet no shipping tag... whut?
VastaKustutaWhat is with Trixie and pine cones?
VastaKustutaI had been waiting for the "Fucking Trixie, how does she work?" chapter basically since Chapter 3, so I was quite glad to hear your spin on that situation. It is actually pretty close to my own, though not quite identical.
VastaKustutaAlso a couple of genuine lol moments in this chapter, like Trixie calling Big Mac a putz or when she got so pissed she evolved into a shiny Rapidash (which may not have been an intentional joke, but I still thought it was funny).
@TenchiFreak
VastaKustutaIt was an intentional joke. I like the idea of Unicorns faux-combusting when they're pissed.
Just for the record, feinting ≠ fainting. I laughed myself a bit silly with the mental image conjured by the line, "There was a heavy thud as Twilight feinted in the middle of the room."
VastaKustutaDecided to start reading first chapter.
VastaKustutaAnd now Haddaway is stuck in my head...
Baby, don't hurt me...
Don't hurt me, no more...
That story was actually really awesome. It needs some editting. I saw a few classic SpellCheck errors where a wrong (but similarly spelled) word was used. There were a few points which weren't very Pony too, I mean, hard to explain what that means, just moments when the characters didn't seem to be talking quite right. Although it was never Big Macintosh that was talking wrong. The only thing with him was that he was a teensy bit wordier than I expected. The accent was kept consistent though and I had no trouble imagining his lines said in his voice, which indicates all the right things.
VastaKustutaSame for most of Trixie's lines, 'cept for one or two, and I don't hold that against nopony. Ack. Big Macintosh rubbed off on me. Why does this always happen when I read a story...
Anyways, it was a great story. I give it five stars. The height of artistry is not perfect editing but perfect conception, after all.
I really wanted Trixie to win, cheating and all, you make her such an epic character... She might've gotten it too if she'd taken Luna's advice and used a slightly weaker enchantment. What she had augmented her endurance a bit too much and it clearly encouraged the wrong habits during training. It seemed to me she ran into that mudpit because she got lost in the effortlessness of the run...
A-anyways, I can't wait to see how the story ends. I did think it was a mite odd that you shipped the Doctor and Celestia, but I guess it makes sense, seeing as they're both immortals. She might actually be more immortal than he is... and I don't think she'd have been as disappointed as he thought she'd have been. She seems quite a free spirit herself.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaUmm, same anon here as just posted, I, um, I think this fic has officially converted me into a Twixie shipper.
Yay, my OTP came true for this fic! Twicintosh (is that how you spell that ship?) foorreeeveeeer!
VastaKustutaAnyhow, Wild Mass Guess time:
Luna wanted Trixie to win so that she could keep Big Macintosh to herself, so she gave Trixie the idea to cheat and otherwise coached her.
Also, I loled at the pinecones reference.
This whole fanfic fits so perfectly with everything else, I just keep forgetting its a fanfic XD
VastaKustutaSuddenly, Molestia out of fucking nowhere!
VastaKustutaHoly shit man, Luna is gonna blow a gasket when she finds out about this.
I see Lyra is continuing her charade as totally not Celestia's spy. Good girl, Lyra.
VastaKustutaUmm...Molestia? That's a rather odd...test. o_0
VastaKustutaWonder if she'll ever tell Twi about that.
Wow. Celestia's got some crazy testing ideas. Makes you wonder how things went with Twilight as her studen— ohdeargod.
VastaKustutaThat was a bit of a dick move from Celestia. Wonder if she used magic to influence Mac or if she's really that hot to ponies.
VastaKustutaThats enough ToonNinja
VastaKustutaLoled at the "disturbance in the Derp" part...no wonder the Force doesn't work there, they use something else.
WAT.jpg
VastaKustutaSo many facepalms so little time
VastaKustutaWait, what?
VastaKustutaIs this even the same story?
I think it had something to do with the Cupcakes. I was a bit surprised by that sudden change of events though.
VastaKustutaIm having a feeling that the author gave up on the original story and just went crazy the last chapter or two...
VastaKustutaOr perhaps he's trying to force a Twixie?
VastaKustutaWhoooo boy, Mac is a player. Screwed two sisters who happen to be the rulers of the goddamn country, the latter of the two having been screwed in the room next to the one with his girlfriend in. And he's still able to screw her without her suspecting a thing. Bet you he's going after Trixie next.
VastaKustutaUmm... Wow... I think I'd like to see a side publishing of the unedited version of that... Just so I can grasp just what the BUCK happened there!!!
VastaKustutaThis juz inn't normal. Why???
Jus wut dat Molestia be up 2?
Granny Smith on love
VastaKustutaIt's like warmmmmm apple pie.
wait, did i just get American Pie'd by granny smith?
Flat what.
VastaKustutaWHAT.
VastaKustutaI have a really bad feeling about where this is going. I think I'm gonna pretend this fic ended after chapter 9.
VastaKustutaBut seriously, WTF is with molestia out of nowhere.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaShe's the incarnation of the sun. She is very, very, hot.
Also, wat.
...
VastaKustuta?
This fic is starting to spiral off in very odd directions. I'm beginning to be scared as to where it's going.
Or did Pinkie put hallucinogens in the cupcakes and this is all a very strange dream?
That did really come out of nowhere. I am not convinced the story calls for it, myself. Seems unnecessary and not in tune with the story so far.
VastaKustutaThis picture best describes my feelings regarding chapter 11
VastaKustutahttp://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/41521
It was Trixie. Trixie had Pinkie put aphrodisiacs in the cupcakes I just know it.
VastaKustutaOn the one hand, i'm a supporter of TwiMac...on the other, to say this story is rough around the edges would be putting it lightly.
VastaKustutaI was actually laughing my ass off at derpy's mention of 'leapfrog' and bigmac describing of how he thought it was twilight not celestia doing all that stuff! So Good!
VastaKustuta...I love the rest of this story - really I do - but that last chapter just seems to come totally out of left field and, honestly, it feels really out of context with the rest of the story.
VastaKustutaWhew! For a minute there, I thought Celestia's visit to Sugarcube Corner had been earlier that morning. I was going crazy trying to figure out why Celestia would need to dose herself with aphrodisiacs in such a roundabout manner.
VastaKustutaAlso, I'm glad this story didn't stop at chapter 9.
I hope you won't be offended if I consider the rest of this story to be non canon. It just seems unnecessary, but I must say keep it up cuz chapter 11 was HILARIOUS!
VastaKustutaYeah, this fic just got really stupid really fast. It's a shame. You were doing SO WELL, and then you killed it. It's like watching a racehorse trip in slow motion just as it's rounding the final turn. Shit sux, lad.
VastaKustutaMolestia? In my TwiMac story?
VastaKustutaBut why?
@La Barata
VastaKustuta>It's like watching a racehorse trip in slow motion just as it's rounding the final turn.
This.
Chapter 1: This will end poorly, but at least be funny along the way.
VastaKustutaChapter 2: ...I guess the transition from Twilight refusing to even consider a mare (despite the gender ratios in equestria mandating that at least 2/3 of romantic relationships must be lesbian) to starring in a Twixie story would be hard to write, but that was really abrupt.
Chapter 3: well written, and good as long as you ignore what comes before and after.
Chapter 5: the whole Brian thing is seriously creepy. Also, this will all end in tears.
...
Chapter 11: http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/newsfeed/000/158/248/derp.gif?1312502023
I really loved this story all the way from chapters 1-10, but 11 was definitely not that good mate. You should stick to jokes that aren't so confusing or involved next time.
VastaKustutaAnd, as a writer myself, I know it sucks when people tell you what to do like I just did, so I'm sorry.
Somehow, I guess that wasn't Celestia, but Luna disguised as her. She was the one with blueberry hair who ordered the cupcakes from Pinkie, then she put something in them that helped her to seduce Mac.
VastaKustutaWhile chapter 11 was certainly a bit more out of the blue, I'm sorry to say that the story has jumped the shark before that in my opinion. Chapter 11 had some quite funny parts that I liked a lot, I just don't really enjoy the story anymore and not just since that chapter.
A naive Twilight trying to find romance? Trixie and Mac wooing Twilight? That was funny.
A naive Twilight in a boring relationship, while Trixie has her life destroyed a second time? Not funny.
I'm sorry, but this story has lost all its initial appeal with the outcome of the race. At first, I was hoping the winner just gets a date or something, but the winner basically gets her for ever and the looser can go home? This is medieval and way to shallow for all participants.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've had Jumpin the Shark.
VastaKustutaThen Nuking the Fridge.
Not to mention Frying the Coke.
Now I present to you all:
Fucking the Alicorn.
So much extrapolation of molestia and luna disguised as trollestia and aphrodesiacs and earth-pony-on-unicorn/alicorn.
VastaKustutamybrainisfulloffuck.jpg
I really like this story, so far, but Celestia's reason for intercourse with Big Mac was Horseapples. How faithful someone is to their partner wouldn't be measured by if they thought of their while having sex with someone else; faithful partners never have sex with someone else in the first place. And Princess Celestia would never use that excuse to do Big Mac in the first place.
VastaKustutaI really enjoy the "Trollestia" personality some portray Celestia as, but her characterization in chapter 11 isn't in the least bit enjoyable.
WOT?!
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI lolled.
1-10
VastaKustutaYeah that's... that's a pretty good job there
11
It's like a car crash in slow motion, it's like I'm watching you fly through the windshield.
@ Chapter 11
VastaKustutaWat?
I prefer the Trixie-Twilight ship and I'm not adverse to a bit of Sun Tyrant or Trollestia, but that? Seriously?
Wait... what???
VastaKustutaDid Celestia just... rape Big Macintosh?
Hmmph
VastaKustuta"This is medieval and way too shallow for all participants." I quite agree on this quote.
Also, one date and Twilight is ready to throw a contest and become a wife, that's just so abrupt. Considering her personality I don't think it would go so fast for her. Things feel...kind of fudged into one small territory where story is allowed to take place. Also, princesses seem rather badly played out as and most of all a bit too crude, like srsly they're supposed to be Royal.
Story itself was written nicely, didn't notice typos and so on. But it wasn't too appealing.
@MuffinShy Correction "Things feel...kind of fudged into one small territory where story is allowed to take place." surroundings feel Gray and could described more.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI... I think you're right.
:(
I think it might have been Luna disguised as Celestia seducing Big Mac with enchanted cupcakes.
VastaKustutaThe new Chapter 11 is so much better than the original. Made me laugh plenty too. Love the Jealous Luna, but I wonder what Mac's thinking with Trixie? Does he want to become friendlier with her, or does he want more?
VastaKustutaBig Mac Bangs Celestia? Joy.
VastaKustutaUpdate the tags to include 'shipping,' please? I use those tags to avoid this stuff.
First chapters looked like fun. Twilight fails at romance and hilarity ensues.
Momentum, trainwreck, and continued relatively mild content kept me reading through the Big Mac Bangs Celestia scene. (Thanks for that image...) Author explores just how graphic one can be without actually describing tab a/slot b interactions.
Fine if you're looking for it, but I'd rather not have started, wouldn't have if it was tagged correctly.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaHe got rid of the "Big Mac fucks Celestia thing.
New Ch11 is excellent, I think I see where this is going and I love it.
VastaKustutaWha-huh...???
VastaKustutaThe old chapter 11 had... Big Mac knockin' up the Princess?!?!
HOT DAAAAAAAMN that's the craziest shit I've ever heard.
And yet, I wish I had read that one.
Oh, and, a little thing I noticed as I read?
VastaKustutaTwilight's parents are Pegasi. Pegasi.
Okay, were the old chapter 11 and the revision seriously written by the same author? The new one actually brings back the comedy into this fic and addresses a few interesting facts, even gives a better understanding of Luna, Big Mac and Trixie. Alright, you just earned yourself one of my stars back :)
VastaKustutaUmm... Crazy as the old chapter 11 was, I thought it had some real potential for some epic conflict. I'm kinda fond of the theory that Luna was in disguise, and the cupcakes were in some way enchanted.
VastaKustutaThat would have opened up some crazy powerful conflict options between Luna and the other ponies. Celestia, for impersonating her in such a selfish and crude manner, Big Mac, for essentially raping him. Twilight, for betraying her... and who knows if Trixie is even involved in ANY of this bit. Trixie was Luna's ticket to keep Twilight occupied so she could have Big mac to herself.
It now makes COMPLETE sense with that theory on the table.
At the very least, where is a copy of the original for posterity's sakes. I was shocked by it, but actually liked it. Sadly, I read it on my 3DS, so I couldn't save the file when I had read it.
Also... WHY THE HECK DOES THE REVISION STILL HAVE TWILIGHT"S PARENTS AS PEGASI??? They are UNICORNS. Watch Cutie Mark Chronicles... Is there some weird hallucinogenic gas oozing from those cupcakes?
Are any of their guests EVEN REALLY THERE???
OK.. read the revision... Clearly it WAS Luna plotting. That suspicion was confirmed. I'm still rather disappointed that the author caved to the masses and drastically altered the path of his story rather than following the plot the way he created it and resolving the questions and shock with answers provided by the subsequent chapters.
VastaKustutaI can understand BASIC revisions and tweaks. That chapter seemed a bit disjointed and confusing. It could easily have been clarified without being so destructive.
Also, I feel the author will have had to toss out some ideas that might have been very cool, thanks to the changes in the story. I was very much looking forward to seeing how all that treachery exploded in pony's faces.
Also, the leapfrog line! That was EPIC!
I'm just aggravated with all the whiners here. People never let authors here finish out their stories before whining them half to death over what they don't like. I was SHOCKED by the turn of events, but I said "Jus wut dat Molestia be up 2?". Rather than shoot down the author, I shared my shock and stated that I hope some questions get resolved, in a goofy way.
We'd probably have the next chapter already if you people would just shut yer yaps and let the author do his thing! Instead, you got the poor guy all worried that he should edit this and revise that.
It happened with Past Sins, and now it's happening here. I feel like just screaming SHUT UP! I get little errors like having Twi's parents be pegasi. Grammar or spelling errors too. I can also get wanting to clarify a scene, by either putting more detail into it, or flashing it out, or trimming it to make it easier to understand. These are simple technical edits.
When people start demanding "I don't like the way the story is going... You gotta change it or else you're a dummy dumb pants"... That's where It crosses the line from constructive criticism, to just plain being a jackass.
You guys are as bad as trolls! Let the author's creative process go where it wills itself. If you got a problem with the story, WRITE YOUR OWN, don't HIJACK someone else's. Contemplating what hasn't happened yet is fine. Part of the human though process, but when you demand an author redirect what they've already done...
I look forward to whatever Doctor Scraps creates. I'll eagerly anticipate the likely LATE next chapter, and hope the author is able to get most of his original ideas to fit with THE PEOPLE'S revisions.
Way to make an author second guess his own work.
I'm still hoping the author will release the original chapter 11 as a novelty at least.
Yes, it's shocking, but I for one thought it was hilarious!
Analyzing this revised chapter suggests that the author may have cannibalized some concepts intended for the next chapter to flesh out the disemboweled ending left behind by the cuts you people influenced him to make. Again, judging from the path the story took, knowledge of the old chapter and the revisions in the new chapter, I want to say I believe that Luna's plot would have been revealed in the next chapter if people hadn't gone all nuts over 11.
VastaKustutaI guess that just means we have to wait extra long for 12, and hope the whiners don't have the extra time needed to influence changes to all the other chapters.
Rarity's got a plan, and it's as hot as her flanks.
VastaKustutaNo, I have no idea why I that sprang to mind. Truly, your guess is as good as mine.
@Richfiles
VastaKustutaI appreciate your support,a nd am glad that perhaps someone got what I was aiming for in the original version of Chapter 11 (by Celestia's tiara, that makes it's sound ominous...Like Hangar 18...or Cabin 12), however, maybe I did feel pressured into revising it to appease my readers, but at the same time, even I was unsure if that was where I wanted, just so I had an opportunity to use the "I detect a great disturbance in the Derp" line that inspired the scenario.
I would like to think that I'm more than pleased with the revision, it's longer, it has more characters and more Pony-Like behavior is involved. I have no ill-feelings about the re-write because I was already considering it. I will even say that the original Chapter 11 was a rush job. I wanted it written and posted. Pure impatience on my part.
Maybe in the future, I'll write a more...clop-worthy version of the Kitchen scene...Purely for novelty, however the original...no longer exists...As I edited the main file, meaning that unless someone saved the original, and were to forward it to me, the original is now but a memory except in my mind.
In closing, the next chapter is in the works, and while the usual delays may be expected, please don't assume that the chapter 11 fiasco will put a hinderance on where this story is going. I know where it is going, and I'm taking that bus all the way to Canterlot.
yay
VastaKustutayou rock
In all seriousness... I find this story intriguing. I certainly am glad to hear the modification of chapter 11 didn't hinder your ultimate overall plot direction.
If I sounded like I blew up earlier at commenters... It's cause I did!
I really have been so sick and buckin' tired of watching all the trolls and whiners complain whenever they don't like a story. I've watched at least one instance where an author nearly abandoned the whole story over an incessant stream of complaints from a handful of extraordinarily rude trolls.
I've just grown to develop a powerful passion of resistance against those who would try hijacking other people's work.
I'm reminded of Suited for Success. Seriously, I feel it's rude to act in that manner. Constructive criticism is fine, and postulation on what may happen is fine too. I think it's a bit too close to trolling once people start putting down authors or their works when the story moves in a direction the commenter doesn't care for. I also despise when people act as such grammar nazi's that they put down the author or the work and say it's unreadable because of errors... Point out the errors instead, and do so politely, so they can be corrected! Simple!
It's just something I'm rather passionate about.
I prefer to stand by an author's decisions, and I choose to wait and see where their own creativity takes their ideas. I'm not afraid of sharing ideas, but once the story is written and released, that's it for me. I accept what I'm given!
I just want to say This story has been an absolute joy, and I hope the wait for the next chapter isn't too unbearable!
Keep up the good work!
@richfiles
VastaKustutaRichfiles, my friend, people complaining about something that they don't like in a story is not trolling, it's feedback. Trolling would be if commenters were putting down the story as a whole for superfluous reasons. What happened here were people voicing their opinions regarding a particular scene/plot-point in chapter11, and that's exactly what the comment box is for.
No one forced the author change anything, that was purely of their own decision; there is not one comment in this thread that demands any change be made to chapter11.
Ah, this edit makes much more sense than the original; looks like there'll be some interesting developments to say the least.
VastaKustutaAlso, minor nitpick here, but how are Twilight's parents pegasi?
That was a typo that I originally thought I had fixed, but apparently I had forgot to hit the save button after making that adjustment.
VastaKustuta@Doctor Scraps
VastaKustuta... a typo? You typed "Pegasus" instead of "Unicorn" 4 TIMES IN A ROW??? Wow, now that's a weird typo ^^ Seriously though, could you maybe turn Twilight's parents back into unicorns? They didn't much appreciate to be turned into plants, so I doubt they like being suddenly switched to pegasi :)
So, a ménage à trois is in the works? Does Twilight know that Mac and Trixie are sharing her, or is she oblivious? I hope Luna will try to pry Macintosh away from Twilight at some point.
VastaKustutaOh god. why did you have to change the chapter?
VastaKustutaNow you made me very angry sad and confused at the same time.
The rewrite of Chapter 11 was probably a good idea. It's one thing to stretch the boundaries of characterization, but that was a rather odd thing for Celestia to be doing.
VastaKustutaOn another note, possessives!
Twilights = More than one Twilight
Twilight's = Twilight possesses something
I could see potential for the original, but I prefer the rewrite. Molestia was just... Awkward.
VastaKustutaSo... did anyone save the Molestia version? It made me laugh and derp way too hard to imagine it lost forever.
VastaKustutaMollestia was awesome.
VastaKustutaYou people need to stop being virgins.
"Home wrecker" made me lol, shit's about to get real. Oh yes.
VastaKustutaFluttershy and Luna's conversation in chapter 12 suddenly made me hear Luna as Jeremy Clarkson and it's hilarious(ly inappropriate).
VastaKustuta"…They're so beautiful."
"They're rubbish."
Even with the rewritten chapter 11, I feel like this fic has jumped the shark big time.
VastaKustutaThe first nine chapters were lighthearted and didn't take anything too seriously. The humor was excellent, the character interaction top notch, and each pony was believable and in character. The whole premise of the story to begin with was Twilight's misadventures in the pursuit of love. The race finale would have made an excellent stopping point, because the conflict of the story is resolved with Twilight entering a steady relationship. A bit of editing to include a meeting between Twilight and Trixie after the finished race and maybe a resolution between Mac and Luna's past would have tied everything together.
Reading after that, the lightheartedness of the previous chapters is snuffed out with Trixie angst and a menage-a-troix completely out of left field that doesn't even make sense for any of the three actually involved. The Luna-Mac subplot feels messy and contrived. Worse, the Luna-Fluttershy subplot is introduced as suddenly as the Molestia disaster. It's not even explained why Luna is on Fluttershy's property to begin with, and then all of a sudden they end up in bed together?
It's a shame to see a good author not know when to put a story to bed.
Rewrite felt...shorter for some reason. I dunno why, prolly nothing.
VastaKustutaChapter 12 is interesting, but I have a feeling this story is going to wrap up shortly.
I liked 12. I thought is was cute, just like the author suggested. Luna ending up in Fluttershy's bed??? Was it only a Monday?
VastaKustutaListening to Gala Night Fever as I type, and loving it!
\o
.|>
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@ GWGV
VastaKustuta"author not know when to put a story to bed"
On the contrary, my friend, I believe he DID in a sense... a few times.
Cheesy humor aside, I only just started reading this one. I guess I put it off long enough. The premise is interesting enough, and it made me laugh on quite a few occasions. I didn't get the chance to read the original chapter 11, so I'll just have to take your collective words for it. It sounds kind of creepy though.
Ah well, I'll keep an eye out for more of this story. It was, perhaps, a bit over the top in some places. At some points I almost think I'm reading one of Rarity's novels, but it definitely doesn't lack in its entertainment.
-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
I thought the original Chapter 11 was hilarious. I was like "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Wolololo!"
VastaKustutaRewrite is great too. I loved the cute moments, plus the love triangle and obsessed Rarity. And the abrupt public announcement of the love triangle.
Luna x Fluttershy being in bed together didn't bother me much. I'm just assuming that Luna passed out or something and Fluttershy didn't care to wake her so just slipped in with her. Completely casual. Of course, I may be entirely wrong and they bumped uglies, but I'll find out when the author comes up with it.
For some strange reason, my eyes keep reading "Unicorn" as "Pegasus"...
VastaKustutaPlease tell me that's just me.
Huh. I honestly was not expecting Rarity to actually be right... Sort off. I mean, she's partly wrong too. Anyway, I don't mind chapter 12. I just hope that it won't end in tears for anypony involved. Celestia seemed to think so in an earlier chapter.
VastaKustutaYeah... I LOVE the story, but PEGASUS??? That's not how you spell UNICORN. I counted no less than 5 separate instances over two chapters. I see three of them were corrected in Chapter 11, but one remains still, and a misspelling of the word gold.
VastaKustutaTexticle Tourettes? I like the sound of that.
Mister Sparkle glanced around the room, spying the big red stallion come trotting in from the kitchen.
"Ah, we got guests?" Macintosh asked as he suddenly found a hoof seized by the male **PEGASUS(unicorn)**, whom shook it with great vigor.
Lyra and Bon Bon were on their way to the pond to feed the ducks, as was their ritual on days such as these, when they paused by the road to the Library, observing the four stoic white and **GOLF(gold)** Pegasus stationed outside.
Chapter 12
Near the end, where my favorite flavor of orange chicken grabs Trixie...
"I gotcha, you home wrecker!" Scootaloo cried out as she clung onto the **PEGASUS'S(unicorn's)** mane.
You almost got it! Fix those few errors and you'll have the worst out of the way.
5 stars from me. I couldn't care less about minor errors like that. A rate on the awesomeness of a story! Woot!