Author: CoffeeGrunt
Description: Ponykind has spread across the stars, establishing colonies on every habitable planet near Equestria in their fledgling empire. After contact is lost with the distant colony Harvest, the United Equestrian Space Corp suspects a terrorist attack. What they find threatens ponykind across the galaxy. A Halo crossover fic.Of Gods and Demons - Chapter One: "The Rookie"
Of Gods and Demons - Chapter Two: "One Way Ride"
Of Gods and Demons - Chapter Three: "O.N.I"
Of Gods and Demons - Chapter Four: "Bits and Pieces"
Of Gods and Demons - Chapter Five: "Special Delivery"
Of Gods and Demons - Chapter Six: "Overture" (New)
Deviant Art
Of Gods and Demons (All Links)
Additional Tags: space halo everpony scifi B.I.G.M.A.C.
139 comments:
FIRST!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm incredibly confused. This story was posted about a minute ago, and it has a 2 star rating already.
ReplyDeleteAre there really people who poorly rate stories on the front page just for shits and giggles?
Before I even read this, what the doozy is up with Pinkie Pie in that image? O_o
ReplyDelete@Daffodil
ReplyDeleteProbably butthurt sonyfags raging because they can't play any Halo games.
the author does know that Equestria is the country not the planet right?
ReplyDeleteDarnit, I was expecting Supernatural...
ReplyDelete@Paul
ReplyDeleteYou'd be surprised of how many of the good stories and such that has the lore wrong and stuff. My inner editor is at a constant alert, the grammar nazi inside my following every step I make.
Stallions.
Colts.
Equestria.
Magic.
Those 4 are the most twisted and wronged parts of fanfiction, being ruined and tossed around like a rag doll wherever fanfiction goes! Hell, even the show is using colts and stallions wrong, caling adult male ponies for colts, when colts are male ponies/horses under the age of 2.
I HATE MY INNERD EDITOR! I cannot enjoy my reading anymore except for in masterpieces!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Kim Fluttershy Dykas
ReplyDeletei think the show uses colts as a replacement for the word boy and in some cases man
like gentleman becomes gentlecolt, saying gentlestalion sounds a bit odd in my head and a bit long.
how do they mess up magic?
I don't think the show was ever too specific on whether Equestria is the whole world or just one country.
ReplyDeleteThe onyl hint I got is when twilight said "What in the great wide world of Equestria." but that's just a saying so its no real proof.
Confound you, you beat me to the halo crossover, I still need to finish my chapter 2 but my computer doesnt have internet right now D: blarg
ReplyDeleteThis fanfic needs moar Supersoldier
ReplyDeleteYay Halo! I REALLY hope this story is good
ReplyDeletelooks like rainbow dash is a spartan in that picture.
ReplyDeleteyeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Oh yeah, ponies with guns! Spreading love and tolerance across the universe one bullet at a time!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteShe said "what in the wide wide world of Equestria", which is a reference to the "what in the wide wide world of sports" quote from Blazing Saddles, a hilarious 70's satirical film.
in the dragonshy episode they say the dragon's smoke would cover all of equestria, which means if equestria were the entire planet and not just a country then it wouldn't matter where the dragon slept it would still cover all of equestria. that's how i know equetria is a country not the planet...LOGIC.
ReplyDeleteIronically, the title "Of Gods and Demons" is the name of the final mission of the EMPIRE campaign in warhammer: Mark of chaos.
ReplyDeleteso, Dash is some random ODST, Twilight seems to be Cortana.. who's gonna be the Chief then? AJ?
ReplyDeleteBTW, I've never played Halo and know only basic facts about it, but I'm finding this quite enjoyable so far.
ReplyDeletedecent Photoshop,yeeh...soo good it grabs my attention for more than 1 second and less than 2
ReplyDeleteInterestingly enough, this story shares its name with yet another Halo crossover, that one being a fairly popular one with Battlestar Galactica. [link] I have no idea whether or not this story will be anywhere near as good as its counterpart, but we can hope.
ReplyDeleteStarting with the Harvest encounter, interesting choice. So how far will this go, Author?
ReplyDeleteThe Apex?
SPARTAN III's?
Operation: TORPEDO?
Battle of Onyx?
Reach?
Halo Rings?
The Ark?
@C. Theron Vulpin
ReplyDeletePinkie Pie is the only logical choice.
Wat
ReplyDelete@Valmir_R0yalGuArd
ReplyDeleteI'd like to quote a favorite cartoon character of mine.
"That's not ironic, it's coincidental"- Bender Bending Rodriguez.
Anyway, I'll definitely check this out some time.
Well I finally got Blogger to work. So time tah get postin'!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the Equestria mistake, but hey, it beats Ponyworld. There's no name for the pony planet, so I just used Equestria.
@Kim Fluttershy Dikas
You'll hate Electromagical technology then. Which means you'll hate a cornerstone of this fic's canon.
Also about the similarities. I've played Dawn of War, but never Mark of Chaos. Also haven't really read fanfiction for anything other than MLP. Title came from the Halo 3 Announce trailer.
@Anonymous
Where will it end? I dunno. I have the story threads roughly planned out for the unannounced characters, and the currently announced characters all have a...destiny.
Five stars right now. :v
ReplyDeleteThat was an incredible dry beginning.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI think they won't get too far in the writing of this. If some of the mane characters are already accounted for, they can't be re-used... and... stuff...
Okay, I suppose it makes some sense for Rainbow Dash to be an ODST and the Princesses Admirals, but why is Twilight an AI? It would have made more sense for Spike to fill that role seeing as he's essentially a living fax machine.
ReplyDeleteGranted, some AIs are made from flash-cloned brains, so I suppose there's the potential for a flesh-and-blood Twilight to show up.
And who's Master Chief going to be, Applejack?
No one is mentioning how cute Pinkie Pie is as a balloon?? Blasphemy!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not normally a fan of Halo but you've done this well. It would be great if you don't fall into the trap of one super marine killing everything in sight like normal Halo.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for Twilight. Being turned into a computer is not my idea of fun (However use as a basis of an emergency cloning system for starship commanders, perhaps).
If Big Mac shows up, he should be in the biggest, heaviest armour and use some kind of assault cannon or other large weapon like other ponies would wield a normal gun.
I'm a HUGE Halo fan and I've read all the books that have been published along with having played all the games so I think I could assist in some of the explanations.
ReplyDeleteLike the author said the name of the planet on which Equestria is located is never revealed so just go along with what he puts out there for planets names.(that really didn't need any halo expert to explain but oh well). As for Twilight being an AI, that doesn't work all too well, it may have been a bit more precise to place, as somepony else said, Spike in the role of AI or have the AI be the spirit of magic that the Twilight represents.(An AI, in the Halo series, when flash cloned from a person, takes on parts of that persons personality and retains memories of that person too, this explains why Cortana acts as though shes known the Chief for a long time in the actual games/books) Because Twilight appears to be Cortana there will likely be no appearance of Dr. Halsey because Cortana was flash cloned from the Doctor, doing anything other than have no Dr. Halsey appearances will make the story very difficult to explain. Side-Note: AI's choose their own name, they don't inherit the name of the brain they may have been flash-cloned from.
@CoffeeGrunt In case you are not exceptionally familiar with Halo lore, feel free to run things by me for ideas you have for the story. Same for that other guy who said he got beat to the Halo crossover.
My opinion, but the Halo universe in this fanfic feels kind of...wrong.
ReplyDeleteI can't really explain it, but I think it's the way the character act, and some of the explaintions of things.
it's still good though.
I actually think twilight is perfect for the role of cortana. She may not play that sorta role in the show , but she has the perfect personality for it.
ReplyDeleteGood work, Spartans. GAME OVER
ReplyDeleteMy Face When the chapter titles are track names from ODST Soundtrack
ReplyDelete:D
@Daffodil
ReplyDeleteA common case of Troll-hitchhiker. They are like fleas, really, jumping to a story, voting 1 Star, then jumping to the next.
Would be great, if we had anti-hitchhiker poweder or something.
Also... Heeeeh, Pony-Halo... Someone was mentioning that in a story chat, I wonder if it's the same person ?
Anyway, reading soon, maybe.
@Zero
ReplyDeleteSomeone noticed!
Also Twilight isn't Cortana, and I have a plan for her and Celestia. As well as Dash, AJ, Rarity, (finding a plae for her was a bugger), Luna and all the rest.
It'll be revealed as I go. I could easily have skipped ahead, used established characters, and saved myself alot of effort, but that would alienate non-Halo fans. So I used a mix of OC and lesser-known canon characters. (Celestia being Preston Cole, etc. People who know who that is may have an inkling of how things'll turn out.)
Next chapter, O.N.I., is being written once I get back from work. I'll get my proof-readers to have a gander and it should be up by next week.
@Jelfes
I've read every book and adore this, but I'd be happy to have help proof-reading it before I post. You can use my GMail if you're interested.
@Kim Fluttershy Dykas
ReplyDelete>when colts are male ponies/horses under the age of 2
-For ***Real-Life*** real ponies/horses, yes...
In the series, on the other hand, a human-like age system seems to be used and IS used by authors when abording their age, personal growth, time passing.
But yeah, when properly scaling the real-pony/human age, ''colt'' should normally be used for young 'males'... but it kinda can be used for older 'males' too in the same way that we sometimes say ''girl(s)' when speaking of an older woman...
Ch.1 :
ReplyDelete>electromagical technology
-Well, Magic+Science... Magico-technology or Techno-magic... It's all good.
And for anyone who might have something against that, for some 'mysterious' reasons... On you left, you will see thirteen Final Fantasy games, and on your right, a hundred animes; all using this awesomely.
>a full battle fleet was collected by Admiral Celestia
-Soooo... huh, she came from Goddess-Princess to Admiral ? She's still the 'Princess', right ? ...wouldn't the 'Ruler' stay behind on the home planet, like a General or something, in relative safety, instead of going on front ?
(and what about Luna ? I wonder.)
... Also, I will say it now : I played Halo 1-2-3, that's all. My knowledge of those 3 is ok/medium, and I know just a bit about the other Halo games made, and their lore (I did watched Let's Plays of them though) ...
>a diminutive primate with a large metallic pyramid approached her
-Wait what, ''primate'' ? Not humans, I hope ? (that wouldn't be very ''Covenant'')
... Just to know, the ''Harvest and Reach'' thing in this story... Is it from the game where everyone in the Team dies one by one, until there's only 2 left at the end, but the main Hero still annoyingly dies after ''winning'' just ''because'' ? (yeah, in a last stand, but that's still a bad ending)
Dang it. I wanted to be the first one to get a Halo crossover out.
ReplyDeleteWell atleast from the comments I know your not going to the route I was going to take mine fan fic.
CH.2 :
ReplyDelete>Twilight, Celestia’s very own personal AI.
-She's just an AI ? ...I'm not sure how I feel about this ?
>An AI was born by flashing magic through a unicorn’s brain and saving the structure of it. The unicorn, sadly, died in the process.
-Ok... I feel *BOOT TO THE HEAD* about this... Oh yeah: ''they die, why ?, huh, convinient-so-we-don't-have-to-think-about-the-real-Twilight-and-also-just-because''...
Why does it has to be a ''destructive'' copying-process ?
One would think of this as a rather costly and ineffective method ?
Why would a ''magical'' scan of the brain be 100% fatal ?
This just feels like a thing put there, so the author doesn't have to consider a character that... ISN'T EVEN there ! So, no confusion is even possible, between the Real and the AI Twilight, in the first place !
Don't want to sound like complaining there, but this just scream ''convinience''.
>one of the two Head Admirals of the United Equestrian Space Corporation,
-Ah, so Luna is the second one... and from the way they say it, ''admiral'' is kinda equal to ''goddess-princess (well, Ruler)''.
But, I'm not sure to get why she's designated by her 'grade' (which is the highest, right ?).
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAIs in Halo are made by sending electrical bursts through the neural pathways of a human brain (though at least some are made from flash-cloned brains). It's being faithful to the other source material.
@CoffeeGrunt woohoo! You've read Halo Evolutions too,(not many of the people I know ever read the short story compilation) can't wait to see how you make Celestia work as Cole, hes such a badass. Yeah, I would love to proof read for your story. (warning, I can be pretty brutal about proper punctuation. I guess that may be for the better though)
ReplyDeleteAlso, in halo fiction that I am aware of the leaders of Earth are never really revealed as the UNSC is pretty much the war-time government of Earth. Also, for those of you who don't know, there are not many people in the Halo universe who don't know who Preston Cole is. I would say Celestia fits the role of Preston perfectly.
According to the author Twilight is not Cortana so you dont have to worry about it just being a convenience(very likely a reference to what happened in the Preston story), I haven't read the short story that has Preston in it for a while so I think I'll read it now and find out what AI/assistant Twilight plays.
@CoffeeGrunt
ReplyDeleteIs your Gmail account the coffeegrunt@gmail.com or something else?
@ZarPaulus
ReplyDeleteAre those sources of yours also mentioning AND specifying a 100% Fatal Ratio, upon ''copying'' a brain ?
Also, here it's magic... The author thus 'could' have chosen a different outcome...
Just finished reading what you've for so far, I must say, you do a very good job of writing in very much the same way the authors of the books do. I was immediately able to make the connection between Celestia and Cole, that being said I've read the books and anyone else who hasn't would likely assume that Celestial plays the role of captain Keys and Twilight, Cortana. Good thing you were able to describe the vehicles enough to know what they were rather than just saying, "that's a wraith." Overall very good descriptions and the dialogue IMO fits the characters well, I look forward to reading any other fics by you.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYes, the brain is destroyed in the process. But most of the time the donor is either already dead or a short-lived flash clone so nowhere near as bad as say, the Spartan-II program.
Anyways it's the author's choice how grimdark they want to make it.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAlot of what you don't understand is due to lack of knowledge with the canon. My tightrope walk is staying true to both MLP, and Halo. Another part is there's storylines I am saving that reveal things, they will become clearer as the story progresses.
Admiral Celestia:
The UESC operates in a more...communistic, almost, kind of way. I have planned to elaborate at a later point in the story. Luna's role gets revealed next chapter.
Primates:
They're grunts. But at this early stage in the war, the enemy is unnamed, so "diminutive primates."
Harvest and Reach:
Harvest and Reach are entirely different in Halo canon. Please, Google before you post.
AI creation:
AIs are created from willing participants, who's brains are flashed with an electrical signal, gathering the mind's pathways and mapping them. I use unicorns and magic as an analogy.
I'm staying true to canon, but it gives me an opportunity for the finale. Again, it will be revealed when it feels best for me to do so.
I have chosen a different outcome. This story is labelled as "incomplete", for a reason.
@Jelfes
Yeh coffeegrunt@gmail.com.
Also I have a story arc planned out for Celestia, remember if we estimate that current MLP is at the...Tudor period, say. It gives me 900 years to play with in terms of their realignment in their roles. She has her ups and downs, I'm bending both canons to fit, and I feel it's looking good so far.
There's a scene involving Insurrectionist attacks that will need an incredible amount of work. Especially considering the Norwegian tragedy lately, Sethisto is very against the nature of it.
@CoffeeGrunt
ReplyDelete>Please, Google before you post.
-No need to get on the offensive ?
Also, I never said I was -completely- ignorant... I do have a relatively good knowledge of the Halo games, and basic knowledge of the lore behind them... Small doesn't mean 'None', mind you.
...Also, about 'Harvest and Reach', I was referencing this part, between other things :
>The survivor limped back to Reach, the bastion of the UESC, and a full battle fleet was collected by Admiral Celestia herself to reclaim the stolen planet from the enemy.
>And thus the Battle of Harvest began.
... and I was wondering if this story would follow the scenario of the 'Reach' game.
Maybe I should have phrased the question differently, but I supposed it was clear enough...
-----
Also... Cole... A supernova, right ?...
Not quite, a brown dwarf. Supernovas are from suns...which might be more fitting, but I dunno.
ReplyDeleteThe first gattelgroup that investigated Harvest was annihilated to one ship, that then retreated to Reach, the military capital of humanity.
Whether I plan on doing Reach in this? I don't see the point, there's a game and two Halo novels that cover it, so I'd only really be able to write a ponified version of those.
Also there's so much conflicting canon between those novels and the game that I'mnot touching it with a barge pole.
Also sorry, didn't mean to be offesive. It was early in the morning, I'm a moonlover.
@C. Theron Vulpin
ReplyDeletePinky is probably just pointing out that they're all standing around in outer space without spacesuits.
@Paul
ReplyDeleteOnce the country takes over the planet, that stops mattering.
Link for chapter 3 currently leads to chapter 2.
ReplyDeleteplease fix the link seth
ReplyDeleteIt seems Derpy got into the blog again...
ReplyDeleteSilly Seth you double posted chapter 2.
ReplyDeleteZomg brokededed link!!!1!one1!
ReplyDeleteSorry if I'm re-posting this but I don't see my post. Seeing as the link leads to a different chapter, here's Chapter 3: O.N.I. Don't want to keep any eager readers waiting now!
ReplyDeleteseth, you derped it
ReplyDeleteI just noticed... I'm reading Sarge's lines on... Sarge's voice (RVB)
ReplyDeletejust 1 question in the image: were did you get the halo reach styled font(for the word "haylo")? I am since 2010 searching it
ReplyDelete@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteAttentive author is attentive! Thanks mate.
Well I go to work for a few hours and looky at this.
ReplyDeleteI've E-Mailed Seth and hopefully he'll see it and rectify his error. Also I got an updated image that I quite like, to replace the current one.
@Jelfes
Thanks for posting the link in the meantime. I checked this on the PC at work, but couldn't log into anything to fix it.
@Scorpon
Google bro. I just found the pic on Google.
...And everybody loves RvB sarge.
DAT ODST DASH
ReplyDelete@Seattle_Lite No problem, but I'm not the author, just a proof-reader with the link handy, the author is CoffeeGrunt.
ReplyDelete@CoffeeGrunt Again, no problem, I was on EqD late and saw the new chapter got posted so I figured I'd check out what people thought of it in the comments only to find out the wrong link was there.
This is looking quite good thus far, fairly reminiscent of Eric Nylund's novels (my favorite author of the series).
ReplyDeleteMy only qualm (I'm a big Halo fan, please forgive me) is that the Covenant shields seem to be a bit overly resilient.
Keep up the great work!
@zaptiftun I noticed the same thing, but remember, this is the largest ship the covenant have, the covenant supercarrier, the kind that required a slipspace rift in the center of it to make it come down in Halo:Reach.(At least, I presume that its a supercarrier based on the description) With a ship of that size, the ships are going to have a much larger amount of plasma recyclers, meaning the faster recharging of shields and faster salvo attacks. With that given information it would mean the shields could be rejuvenated after an attack, as read in the story, the only reason it worked for that short time is because they used staggered fire rather than making everything hit at once.
ReplyDeleteEric Nylund is also my favorite Halo book author, his and many of the other author's abilities to make a story flow so seamlessly even when switching between multiple perspectives.(Not to mention they always end a chapter when something big is about to happen so you have to keep reading into the book through another chapter with another cliff hanger ending creating an endless loop of, "I must read this next chapter!" which I believe makes the Halo novels so addicting to read.)
@C. Theron Vulpin that aint pinkie pie dats rainbow dash
ReplyDeleteMy favourites personally are Dietz and Staten in terms of Halo authors, though Nylund is an awesome guy and I'll take that as a compliment.
ReplyDeleteAlso the ship they first discover is the Shipmaster's flagship, i.e., the biggest ship in the Covenant's fleet. However the ponies assumed other ships that appeared would be that powerful, later, they may not be.
@JelfesAh, alright, that makes sense. Though, I must admit I am somewhat baffled by the strength of the Elite's shield.
ReplyDelete(My apologies, I get nitpicky on technical details with stuff I'm interested in [don't get me started on anything with WWII] :P )
@zaptiftun Yeah, same thing, with the covenant the higher your ranking the stronger the personal shield is, I don't remember right now what color armor the elite was wearing to signify its rank but I do remember it being one of the higher tier ones, that being said, the elite did take an exceptional amount of damage before it's shields collapsed so you're right there but there is some leniency to be had since the elite wasn't a minor (blue armor), never mind, I just skimmed through the chapter and saw the elite was wearing white armor, there's a wide number of elites that dawn white armor that goes from as high as shipmaster to as low as an elite ultra(not a low rank at all and one of the hardest to defeat in any halo game). I'm not 100% sure just how much punishment the highest level of shields can take but based off the brute pack leader Maccabeus in Contact Harvest, I'm sure its a pretty large amount of punishment to be taken as the chieftain shields another brute with his body/shield from concentrated fire, without his shields failing.
ReplyDeleteI too am nit-picky but I try to keep facts as accurate as possible, so I'm sorry if I'm being obnoxious but its just my way of letting the author work on the fic rather than answering questions or responding to loop-holes. That was a reasonable thing to point out though.
P.S. you have no idea how much I disdain the games that give people a false sense of military tactics and tech use. Prime example: the "Predator Missile" in COD: Modern Warfare 2 that is really a reconnaissance plane. Also, that was sorta relative to the nit picky thing you mentioned. Also, I love military history and WWII in specific, and even more so, aviation and aerial combat.
ReplyDelete@JelfesMy apologies, you are quite right. I didn't pay enough attention when I read that scene, apparently. From now on I'll keep my nitpickiness to a minimum.
ReplyDelete@ P.S.: Dude, your Brony-ness just got 20% cooler.
@zaptiftun Thanks *Bro-hoof*
ReplyDeleteYeh the Elite in question is an "Ultra," personally fighting those buggers on Reach, on Legendary was a bit overwhelming. They pretty much could just take on a fireteam single-handedly.
ReplyDeleteYAY! New chapter!
ReplyDelete...
Gotta love them drill sergeants. :P
Hey.
ReplyDeleteThe chapter names are the names of songs from the OST of Halo 3 ODST.
Dunno if somepony else already said that.
Big Mac = Jorge
ReplyDeleteConsensus from the Bungie.net MLP group.
ReplyDeleteAs Halo fans, we decided that really this doesn't do justice to either Halo or MLP.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletehttp://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/funny-pictures-cat-makes-a-raspberry-at-you1.jpg
Wait a second Dash had a pair of twos and a par of tens yet she lost to Sharps who had a pair of tens. What the hell is this because I don't even...
ReplyDeleteAlso Fluttershy seems to make a good master chief. The Chief is a spartan of few words, so it would make sense that it wound be a pony of few words.
@Kim Fluttershy Dykas
ReplyDeleteImpying that our favorite ponies age the same way as horses. Personally, I don't buy it, and use the term colts and fillies the same way you'd use "girl" or "guy". That is, to refer to someone who is either not fully mature or acting in an immature manner.
>117 Ratings.
ReplyDelete>Halo
>Me Gusta
@Anonymous You sir, must not have read the Halo novels because CoffeeGrunt's writing style is very much the same as that of the Halo books. In the books there's usually multiple perspectives progressing as the book goes along, giving the books their variety and keeps the reader from getting bored to death by the constant focus on a single character; variety is key in a book to holding the reader's attention and if you don't recognize the variety presented in this fic along with the smooth story flow and the continuously more fleshed out characters, then you are simply not a reader and should be ignored as such. Then again, I do see how any crossover doesn't do justice to MLP since crossovers will more often than not completely stray from what MLP is and misrepresent it. So if you aren't going to read a fic because it doesn't do justice to the universe it takes place in, then you probably shouldn't be reading just about every fic that is on EqD(crossovers, grim-dark, shipping, war, random, sci-fi etc...) and should adhere to reading "normal" and "comedy" fics.
ReplyDeleteJust saying, because I'm not going to let one person represent an entire fan-base from another forum without first explaining how something does not do justice to something else...
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWould you care to elaborate, in what way does this disappoint the fandom? It'd really help me to know.
@Other Anonymous
Sharps had a pair of tens in his hoof, so he had a full house of three tens, two twos. Dash had three twos, two tens.
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteWe are a group of dedicated Halo fans. So when we saw another Halo crossover, we jumped on it immediately. We gave up within the first few pages.
Why? We can't see the MLP and Halo universes be meshed together very well where (actual) ponies replace Humans. Technology would be a concern, and that magic/technology combination does not make sense to anyone who is a Halo nut (yes, I am a nut). The actual intro was so... lacking. The author tried to give anyone who hasn't spent anytime in the Halo universe, other than the campaigns of the games, a brief summary of Humanity until the Human-Covenant war. This part drove most of the Bungie.net readers away. It's not that we knew that already, it just made for a very dry beginning that did not add Halo's flavor to it. The back story of Rainbow Dash was rushed and seemed over-cliched to me. The combat scene following her "characterization" was a jumbled mess. I think the author tried to give the sense of confusion while fighting, but came out garbled more than fear-for-your-life. I quit the first part right then and scanned the next parts to see if it gets better.
As for me representing a 300+ plus group alone, I didn't. I presented them with the story, and they turned it down. Even when someone wrote another topic about it, more people shot it down.
As for keeping with the writing styles. I hope you realize that multiple authors leads to different styles. The author of this fanfic reminded me of Tobias S. Buckell from the Cole Protocol, which had a great story but writing that was to analytic. If the author emulated Eric Nylund, we might have read more.
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteIf you hadn't have guessed yet. Yes, I read all of the books.
Even Halsey's journal.
So 300 people hated it? Fair doos, by that estimate I could easily add another 6.7 billion to that number, by considering those who also hate MLP and Halo.
ReplyDeleteAs far as my writing ability? Yes. I am shit at it. I acknowledge this fully, but I write these fics to practice and get better. As far as combining Halo and MLP, like you said, it's buggering hard to please both fandoms. I have the Halo hardcore fans, the bronies who've never played Halo, and the people straddling the gap that might have played a bit of Halo 3 or something.
With respect, I've been told by a fair few people on DA who didn't like Halo that they enjoyed my fic, so I'd like to think that represents success with that part of the demographic.
As far as hardcore Halo fans? I've read every book, and if you expect me to rigidly stick to canon in a crossover with ponies, then no, sorry. It's not possible at all, and I can strike you off the list too. Like I said, 300 onto 6.7 billion is a neglible loss.
This is why I'm avoiding Reach, avoiding the Halo events, avoiding a majority of established characters. I knew I'd come across people who'd be unhappy with my flexibility with the canon.
@CoffeeGrunt
ReplyDeleteWe don't hate it, we just don't like it. The idea you are trying to could be considered a moonshot, if it started out correctly. It really seems like you have to slog through the intro, and even then, there is actually done to affect the story.
As far as writing ability. Your not shit; however, you need to consider what each part does to your story. The first time I wrote something, it was crap. I waited a couple of days and returned to it, cutting out half and re-writing it. Now it is a lot better. Simply removing certain words and actions will affect what the reader feels.
I am not discounting the dA commentors, I am simply saying that the largest gathering of MLP/Halo fans dislike your story.
Sticking to the Halo canon while with what little Pony canon there is pretty much insurmountable. The two universes clash in to many ways to actually make it work successfully while drawing as many readers as possible. And getting as many readers as possible is your goal.
I think the bungie.net group has yet to read a halo novel, cause this story is kinda like of them.
ReplyDelete*reads Anon's about magic and tech not meshing together.*
ReplyDeleteTo quote the MST3k theme, "Then repeat to yourself, 'It's just a show, I really should just relax'."
A good deal of suspension of disbelief is needed when reading something like this; sure it's a strange concept, but those are often the most fun. Also, as a writer myself, I must disagree: the main goal is not to get as many readers as possible, but to make the story enjoyable enough to make the readers who take the time to read it want to come back for more.
As a Halo fan (yes, I have all the books and I've beaten all the games save for Halo Wars), a Bungie.net member, and MLP fan, I will cast my opinion and say that I find this story to be enjoyable and I look forward to the next update.
@zaptiftun
ReplyDelete"Also, as a writer myself, I must disagree: the main goal is not to get as many readers as possible, but to make the story enjoyable enough to make the readers who take the time to read it want to come back for more." The purpose of writing is to create a message that is applicable to almost everyone (motif), and to do so, a writer must appeal to all audiences. What does it matter? Even though books like the Great Gatsby used incredibly obvious rhetoric and lacked any sense of continuity, it still appealed to nearly every American in the 1920's due to the message that Fitzgerald was trying to convey. The same could be said of Les Miserables, or any other classic.
"A good deal of suspension of disbelief is needed when reading something like this; sure it's a strange concept, but those are often the most fun." That is where most writers go wrong. They ask for to much suspension of disbelief. Almost any SciFi novel (like the Halo novels) will be out there, and unless the author can reign it in, I am dissatisfied and won't read anything else. I'll use a novel called "His Majesty's Dragon" as an example. England is saved at the end due to the fact that the main character's dragon is actually the most rare breed on the planet. I could only say, "What the fuck?" I then read the except for the next installment, and saw that the reason he even had the dragon was due to political issues in China.
The reason I balk at magic/electromagnetic technology combination, is that most of Halo is built around the explanation of technology. To say magic helps in the process seems like a major crutch to me.
The problem being I can't waiver the prescence of magic in MLP, and yes, I avoid canons that combine witchcraft and science normally, I like Halo because more-or-less everything is feasible. However I mainly made electromagical technology a byword for electromagnetics, the basis of 90% of the science in Halo.
ReplyDeleteI simply cannot make this work without bending the canon, and I can see that in your opinion it doesn't work.
I said to someone on DA a week ago actually. I know I'm not a great writer who can pull audiences like Penstroke, or Gravekeeper or EsperDerek. I said to the DA user that even if only five people came back to each chapter again and again, I would continue writing it.
I don't want a horde of bronies who read a chapter and five-star because everyone reccomended it to them, I want bronies who rate it high because they genuinely enjoyed it.
@Anonymous I too have read them all including Halsey's journal and the Halo encyclopedia and whatever small time or side documents there may be, there's no need to explain to me that you're a Halo nut, just say it and I will accept it but you also take on the responsibility of letting me have free reign upon your criticism's of any and all things Halo. P.S. Legendary edition was so worth it!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, yes, it is very obvious that writing styles differ between one author and another, but you must have noticed the trend with all the novels where there is usually 1-2 covenant having their story explained along with 1-3 humans having theirs explained. Usually have these characters from the opposing sides, "meet-up," sometime along the story, trending towards the end, and have one or the other eliminated. Those are just a few things the Halo authors have in common in their stories so I think it fair to compare CoffeeGrunt's writing generally similar to theirs, spot on or not. Honestly, it's rather selfish of the Bungie MLP group to criticize CoffeeGrunt for making an intro that was dry in their opinion while that intro was absolutely necessary for the majority of the people who aren't familiar with the Halo story. It's very clear that his goal was to cover the events following Harvest and not to inform the reader of the events preceding Harvest's demise.
As I've already said, no crossover can ever do justice to the universe it melds with, even more so in the case of a Halo/MLP crossover. For one, the ponies don't have hands/fingers... how could you possibly expect the ponies to be able to do everything humans can in the same way? Two, as CoffeGrunt mentioned, hes not going to completely ignore the aspect of magic in the MLP universe as that would be a huge injustice to it, so it would only make sense(in the MLP universe) for the ponies to use magic rather than electromagnetic technologies, especially with how much simpler the ponies methods seem to be.
As for the combat scene that is supposedly jumbled/confusing/disorganized, I honestly don't see how it was decided that it was disorganized. The ODST's gather next to their SOEIV's, they begin the decent down along with a very fitting MLP Dash reference, upon Dash's leaving of the insertion vehicle she encounters a grunt whom she slays, Dash then proceeds to gather with her team and fend off the hordes of cannon fodder, mostly the sniper's doing, and are introduced to another main enemy, the elite, that is in this instance, an ultra. Casualties are suffered on Dash's ODST squad and they witness the orbital re-glassing of the capital of reach where the second ODST squad is located. Also, no one else has mentioned that part being disorganized or confusing so I think it's safe to say that the people who made the accusation of it being so, were preoccupied/distracted at the time of reading it.
I don't believe I've written a comment of such size before...
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteYes, I noticed the different POV's normally used in the Halo novels. It allows for the authors to insert important information so that the reader doesn't throw the book away and scream their heads off. It seems to me, personally, that CoffeeGrunt has adopted Tobias S. Buckell's writing style. That might be different from what others think, but that is what I am getting.
As for being selfish, most could not get past the intro. CoffeeGrunt tried to do to much and to little. He tried to summarize the Human aspect of the Halo universe in less than a page, even referencing the Rainforest wars. That was a a bad way to set-up the story to focus on the Battle of Harvest. It was not necessary to cover all of it at the beginning. During the story, yes. At the beginning, when the reader should be set-up to focus on Harvest, no.
I have no problems with ponies using whatever method they can to hold weapons. That can be explained with articulated gauntlets or that bone and keratin are capable of conducting energy, therefore creating a pseudo-hand. But the author didn't. And I still have an issue with trying to mesh technology and magic. Like I said before, there is a tolerance level of suspension of belief and using magic as a crutch.
As for doing the universe's justice, it can be done. But trying to combine the bright, pastel universe of MLP with Halo's rich, dark one, is not very feasible. The forces behind both are to unalike to work as best as possible.
And the combat scene. The unbroken dialogue made it to much of a mad jumble to understand. Juxtaposed with the orderly layout of actual combat, I had to go back and make sure that I read each line in order.
Because I know not many are going to read through this whole thing, I'd just like to ask which of the Halo books was your favorite, mine is Ghosts of Onyx.
ReplyDeleteI hate to ask this, it's somewhat unrelated to what we are talking, I don't mean to be rude or anything of that kind but in what case wouldn't someone read the lines of text in order? "I had to go back and make sure that I read each line in order."
Now, I understand how using magic could be seen as a crutch/shortcut as a way to leave out certain explanations, but, again, magic is almost required to take the place of most of the more advanced technologies, I think it can be seen as a crutch, but at the same time, a necessary one.
I see the point you made on the intro sort of being a little empty now though, it's a good thing that he did make it for those of whom were unfamiliar with the universe, however, the information that was given in the intro was a portion of what should have been given if an intro was going to be included. That being said, I believe CoffeeGrunt did cover a large portion of the necessary information to get the basic idea of what is happening with the humans.(there were three factions, one was more powerful and had more support and became the dominant force pushing the other two into secluded areas, some of those that had different ideals chose to be part of the colonization of outer colonies and eventually created insurrectionists that fight back against the UEN/UESC from their bases of operation fighting to gain freedom, now one of the colonies, Harvest, has ceased contact with the home planet to the ponies, the loss of contact believed to be a terrorist act.) There aren't many things, that I see, that could be expanded upon to give the reader a deeper understanding of the Halo universe especially due to all of the major events in Halo that hadn't occurred yet.
Please show me what part of the combat seemed to be a jumble.
Maybe I was being to extreme saying it can't be done, but, from what I've seen, most of the crossovers have things that simply don't exist, not only physically but also thematically. In Fallout Equestria's case the crossover can't do justice to either universe for a vast amount of reasons, one of the reasons, (this one makes me laugh) is that there's no discrimination of race or color between the ponies of Equestria meaning there would be no Chinese to nuke U.S. and send it into a post-apocalyptic nuclear waste land; another of the things being that there hasn't been any war in Equestria for ages along with all ponies being ruled by the same two rulers, not separate governments feuding with different governing styles(capitalism, fascism, communism, etc...). Not to mention that not only have there not been wars but murder either(as far as I can tell there isn't at least) With that said, there's a lot of fics that have the same problems, crossover or not. Pretty much, it's possible, but extremely difficult.
For the sake of not congesting the comments I will attempt to make future responses much simpler, I may have a tough time doing that though...
ReplyDelete@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteThat's why Kkat used zebras as the stand-in for China, you saw how racist most of the ponies were towards Zecora and Twilight said zebras weren't from Equestria (indicating it's a country, not a planet).
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteDo me a favour and nudge your Bungie group admins please. My request to join's been gathering dust for the last day and a half.
@CoffeeGrunt
ReplyDeleteAdmins have been absent since yesterday.
@JelfesGhosts is my favorite as well.
ReplyDeleteDue to how fast I normally read, if there are lines that get mashed together like (take any dialogue in the story) I have some trouble reading. I will skip or re-read lines. This, added on top of the Coffee Grunt not following basic English rules, makes the dialogue, and the action scene, is particular jumbled. As for everyone else, most didn't make it to the 3rd page, so they didn't read it. The few that did, simply said that it was alright and needed to be spaced.
I really don't see the necessity of retelling the Rainforest wars. The two groups that were involved had nothing to do with the secessionists that are the current "Innies." The war did not impact space colonization other than the UNSC Marines were formed in response. That part is what made the intro seem dry. An explanation of the secession and first Harvest battle would have done fine since those are pertinent to the story. (FYI to CoffeeGrunt:Slipspace Engine was made 100 years after the rainforest wars)
I will just have to leave the magic argument alone. Ad Nauseum
I haven't read Fallout Eqestria so I can't comment or speculate. From what I have heard, its a decent read.
@ZarPaulus I am yet to begin reading that fic as its still in the massive stack of those I plan on reading so it may not have been a prime example since I haven't read it but there are still things that I mentioned that are applicable other than the zebras playing the roles of the Chinese(the killing, the wars and I'm sure there's more but I'm in a bit of a hurry to get this comment spat out). I just chose FOE because so many are familiar with it.
ReplyDeleteAs for those who didn't make it to the third page even, it is a shame, to me it's nearly the same thing as judging a book by its cover since a book that doesn't want to confuse its readers will usually not
start with all the meat of the story that's really interesting and compelling to read. If anything, I think I can say that the intro could have been done better, but, what's passed is past and should be left alone and learned from.
@ZarPaulus I am yet to begin reading that fic as its still in the massive stack of those I plan on reading so it may not have been a prime example since I haven't read it but there are still things that I mentioned that are applicable other than the zebras playing the roles of the Chinese(the killing, the wars and I'm sure there's more but I'm in a bit of a hurry to get this comment spat out). I just chose FOE because so many are familiar with it.
ReplyDeleteAs for those who didn't make it to the third page even, it is a shame, to me it's nearly the same thing as judging a book by its cover since a book that doesn't want to confuse its readers will usually not
start with all the meat of the story that's really interesting and compelling to read. If anything, I think I can say that the intro could have been done better, but, what's passed is past and should be left alone and learned from.
@CoffeeGrunt
ReplyDeleteAdmin showed up around midnight.
You are now a member.
Yes... Figured out how to comment on Fanfics.
ReplyDeleteSo Anon, who are you?
I agree, it's rather odd to have such frequent of discussions with an anon, a name perhaps? I applied and joined the Bungie MLP group as well, I wasn't aware it would be so easy to locate the group but the popularity of it helped a lot.
ReplyDelete@KalAllBea Ah, I thought you were familiar, when I went to the list of members I saw your name on the same page as mine and somehow recognized it.
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteWhat be your username/coup name?
Okay, I'm rewriting parts of the intro to be a bit slicker to read, and hopefully not create a brick wall.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't the first time this came up in a review, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't causing me to lose four-hundred readers, (who it turned out pretty much don't give a foal's rump.)
Also part five will be out this weekend, trying to keep a schedule up between it and my various side-projects. It's going to involve a little more action and soe different interactions, I'm starting to move the story forward now I've established the characters.
@KalAllBea It's, "jelfes."
ReplyDeleteFor the time being, call me Legion
ReplyDelete@Anonymous For you are many?
ReplyDelete@Anon For you are many?
ReplyDeleteAll my comments are getting removed so I will attempt to post this, for a third time.
ReplyDelete@Anon For you are many?
Legion...
ReplyDeleteReal clever.
Maybe trying to post will actually work now.
ReplyDelete@Anon For you are many?
holy hell, sorry for the spam, i just messaged seth about my comments not showing up on anything so i kept testing it and now theyre flooding in as he restored them
ReplyDeleteJelfes, local comment-booster. :P
ReplyDeleteI've tried a rewrite of the first chapter to flow better and be a bit more coherent. Just waiting on pre-reader opinions and then I'll add it in.
Also Chapter Five, Special Delivery, will be out this weekend, Sethisto's massive backlog of fics notwithstanding.
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteNo, because I took it upon myself to represent the Bungie.net group.
I just couldn't resist the Mass Effect 2/bible reference
ReplyDeleteCoffeeGrunt, repost about it in the group.
ReplyDelete@Legion So you decided to represent a 400+ group?
Unless you are one of the Admins, that was a stupid idea.
And what is your favorite Temeraire novel?
@Anonymous AKA Legion and in doing so, inaccurately, if the group thought it was that bad I would think they would have more than one person post about it to the author. (Upon review of the thread about CoffeeGrunt's fic on the Halo MLP group's forum, it is revealed that you are a depiction of a very small portion of the group that actually thought it was as bad as you said)
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, 90% of the people there hadn't read it/didn't care anyway.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
Please. Just...you're not even trolling, and I've already talked to the Bungie MLP group.
Good job with the story hope theirs many more up dates in the story to come hope theirs a mention of chef
ReplyDeleteThe GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor approves of this fanfic! (Assuming that the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie shows up EVENTUALLY, even if only for a few lines!)
ReplyDeleteI feel that the Ponies exterminating any species, even the Griffons, is terribly out-of-character. I realise that this timeline has been harder on Equestria than the events of MLP:FiM, but having Celestia preside over wholesale murder just feels wrong.
ReplyDeleteSo...the reactor was 20% cooler by the time they reached Equestria? Clever :P
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, good work.
@The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor She already did show up, Trixie is the AI belonging to Admiral Luna.
ReplyDelete@zaptiftun Ha, didn't catch that one myself!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, just wondering, what is it that everyone here is looking forward to or want the most from this fic?
@GBscientist I agree it is a bit out of character of the universe, but I find that it makes more sense that the Griffons were the aggressors and the Ponies were on the defense, Griffons seem to be more violent in general so it's possible they decided to fight to the last breath, in essence they killed themselves by going to war with the Ponies.
ReplyDeleteWell this story is interesting and lives up to the grimdark tag. I mean having ponies commit genocide...yeah. To be honest while the characters hold some interest I never really got into the whole Halo universe because it seemed to be just a metaphor of Sparta versus the Persian empire. Good job in getting and keeping my interest up to this point.
ReplyDelete@Jelfes
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd like to see the Mane Six reunite somehow (yes, I know Twilight's gone, but her mind - and possibly her memories - was saved by Celestia) and together take on a secret mission against the Covies. Though, to be perfectly honest, I'd really rather not see anymore die; that, however, is up to the discretion of the author, who has been doing rather well so far.
*reads chapter 2*
ReplyDeleteTwilight is just an AI? Well, f*ck this, I'm not reading anymore.
AI in Halo are more-or-less on a par with humans in intellect. In fact, in most cases they're far superior.
ReplyDelete@RainbowDat Well I don't see how something as minor as that dissuaded you from reading anymore but that's your own choice, IMO I get enough of Twilight being the main character of any story just from the show itself so I think it's refreshing to have the other members of the mane six and other ponies being the main characters.
ReplyDeletenext chapter?
ReplyDeleteI really like this story plz make more
ReplyDelete