[Crossover][Adventure] I suppose it was only a matter of time before Octavia became acquainted with Dr. Whoof!
Author: RenegadeProtagonist
Description: The once peaceful town of Ponyville finds itself thrown into madness as a small pack of creatures known as Hablerie enter the town and begin to work their ways into the bodies of the other ponies in town, taking over their thoughts and filling them with rage. The only three that can possibly help the town overcome the monsters are the wall eyed Derpy Hooves, the well mannered Octavia, and the eccentric Doctor. Can they defeat the creatures before they are taken as well?Octavia And The Doctor
Additional Tags: Light hearted, strange, monsters, Octavia, Doctor Whoof
20 comments:
Sounds promising, imma read this one
ReplyDeleteHooray for Doctor Whoof fics! Also yay Octavia!
ReplyDeleteWait... "sister Pinkamina"... bye.
ReplyDeleteYay! Definitely going to read this. As a filly/ bronette, I will compliment Octavia on how pretty her hair is in that picture. ^_^
ReplyDeleteCool fillies aren't supposed to look at explosions.
ReplyDeletesixth...
ReplyDeleteInteresting conceit. I like the monsters and, whilst I'm not sure about connecting Octavia and Pinkie Pie by blood, they seem well-characterised and a damn sight more interesting than most. The monsters look good and scary too. Nice bitey insecty thingies.
ReplyDeleteI've been losing interest in Doctor Whoof, but bringing Octavia into this one might make it fresh enough to read...
ReplyDeleteThis ought to be good.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I dont really read doctor whoof fanfics (mostly cause I dont watch Doctor Who, I know, for shame!) but this seems interesting to have watch and wait for the next part at least.
ReplyDeleteI read this and It is a good start little more plot thought but good so far love it.
ReplyDeleteActually, gentlecolts, I've been having an internal argument with myself as to what the next chapter should be. A flashback into what happened to The Doctor before he got to Octavia's, or just pick up where this one left off... choices, choices...
ReplyDelete@ZeldaFan777
ReplyDeleteI do watch Dr Who and haven't read a single Dr Whooves fic.
Aside from the ninth Doctor, I don't really see anypony getting a spot-on characterization of him and thus don't want to ruin that image for myself.
@Homfrog
ReplyDeleteOh, come on, you're going to abandon a story just because the writer is a believer in the "Octavia is Pinkie's sister" theory? My god, how closed-minded can you be? It's a pretty good story so far. Plus, he had a written form of the title sequence in there, so it's all good.
Is that a UMP-45 and a MP-5 mixed together?
ReplyDeleteLooks like a bottle opener to me.
ReplyDelete...since when does the Doctor ever say "and just to get this out of the way now, I want you to know that I have a blue box that I use to travel through time and space?"
ReplyDeleteI mean WOW! Talk about out of character for the Doctor. Hell, even when explaining that sort of thing would so easily save his skin, like in the Episode "Midnight" he tries to refuse to explain that sort of thing. Why would he just randomly drop that information to a pony he doesn't even know?
What's really funny is that that whole scene could have played out EXACTLY the same without dropping that one doozy of an OOC line.
Also, at times the Doctor's BODY seems inconsistent. THere was a reference to his "hands" there that you may want to think about fixing...
Octavia basically has no character, so no major complaints with the interpretations taken there. I for one am a fan of the "Pinkie's Sister" theory, but I know others that aren't as evidenced from above.
You manage to build up some nice descriptive elements that give a realatively good sense of atmosphere in regards to Octavia's style of living and the monster she and the Doctor fight, but a lot of it ends up feeling odd or jumbled when certain... strange... word or phrase choices randomly pop in. For example. At one point while describing the monster you said "speaking of skin," which felt odd. THis isn't a conversation or movie script, so conversational tones like that are out of place in a written story. Another one that kinda jarred me was at one point you randomly asked "would she make it?" Why are you asking me? You're supposed to be the one telling the story here. I know it was a rhetorical question, but it's just very jarring to have the narrator of the story ask a question like that.
All in all, you've laid a decent groundwork for a story, but your execution is... lacking. There are too many jarring word choices and out of character moments for the Doctor. You did well in the character development part and in building an atmosphere, but the writing itself felt forced or strange and half the characters you developed were out of it.
Of course you shouldn't give up. That isn't the answer, and I'd love to see this story with more polish because it honestly sounds like you have a good idea here. These monsters, whatever they are, sound like real nasty buggers, perfect for the Doctor to fight. And I for one love Octavia and Derpy so seeing them alongside the Doctor is really quite awesome. But you may want to spend more time making sure that what you have really works and you'll want to get yourself a personal editor or something.
Keep working at it! Remember, with enough hard work and polish, anything can be great :)
2/5
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThanks for the critique! Critiques are cool. And yes, I know of the doozy line. The thing is, when I was writing this fic at first, I wasnt actually planning on posting it anywhere. It was just something I wrote because I was bored. Then I read over it, liked what I saw, and posted it. I'll be sure to fix what you said in the next chapter, I swear. I Pinkie Pie swear.
@RenegadeProtagonistwhen will this chapter come out
ReplyDeleteI agree, now that it is several months after that guy above asked.
ReplyDelete