[Normal] "You'd better be both dead and sick
If you don't drop everything and read this fic
Work and sleep? That is a load!
Read it now lest my anger EXPLODE!"- Pre-reader who RP's Zecora and drives everypony else insane.
Author: PhantomFox
Description:An injured Rainbow Dash is rescued by Zecora after a rogue naturalNo Tame Forest
storm crashes her into the Everfree Forest. But with an even fiercer
storm on the horizon, will Rainbow Dash be able to recover in time?
Can they figure out how to tackle this tempest and keep it from
blowing Ponyville to pieces?
Additional Tags: Episode-like (episodic?), Storm, Everfree, Zecora, Rainbow Dash
32 comments:
Interesting idea... I wonder how often weather blows in from the forest to Ponyville?
ReplyDelete"Rogue natural storm"
ReplyDeleteI lol'd. Will read.
zecora & rainbow dash adventure? oh kay
ReplyDeleteI love Zecora in this everything feels like a logical extension of what we know about her.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when an old D&Der like me recognized the description of "a six-legged black panther with two spiked tentacles" right off. As someone on TV Tropes put it, "Half the AD&D Monster Manual must live in that forest!"
ReplyDeleteAbout Zecora always speaking in rhymed couplets, I've always thought where she comes from that might be a sign of her being cultured -- the Zebra equivalent of Rarity's accent and mannerisms.
Headless Unicorn Guy
Fun story, nice to see a nice tight story that doesn't drag unnecessary characters in just for the sake of having them in. Every other fic seems insistent on including all of the mane 6 even if the story is about a completely different pony.
ReplyDelete@Homfrog
ReplyDeleteAww, you beat me to the first one...
HERE'S MINE: Only in Equestria can a natural storm also be a rogue one without it being a media exaggeration
I thought the Author name sounded familiar. Somebody with an account ping Sethisto and let him know that Sunny Skies All Day Long is missing an Author Tag. So anyone who likes Phantom Fox's work will have a hard time finding his first Star-6 story.
ReplyDeleteTo Phantom Fox: On GITP a while back you said you were split on starting either a Sunny Skies sequel or a Zecora story. Since you obviously went with the latter are we going to get said sequel any time soon?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOh AD&D, how I miss your ridiculousness.
Great story!
The letter at the end made me chuckle.
ReplyDelete@Headless Unicorn Guy
ReplyDeleteI always believed that her rhyming was due to a translation spell - probably from a potion she brews - that automatically translates her speech from Zebra to English/Equestrian, but only when she speaks in couplets. Hence why when she exclaims in her native tongue, she is not rhyming.
As for how the spell would know that she was going to rhyme before she finishes speaking, well, it's magic.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteEventually. :) There's one or two other projects that have my attention right now. Hopefully they won't take as long as this one did! Stupid rhymes breaking my creative flow. :D
Well, this surely was an interesting story. It surely had me hooked from beginning to end. I don't usually see too many Zecora stories, so this one was really nice.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the premise behind the panther. I wouldn't have thought of a creature like that in a million years. Probably. Although you did say in chat you got it from somewhere and what not, but I have nothing against that.
The plan Rainbowdash came up with, I thought, really fit in with the direction of the story. I myself thought it was an excellent plan. Good.
I really did feel sorry for Dash when she hurt her leg. She's really dependant on her ability to fly, and to suddenly have that taken away (even for a while), I imagine that was crushing. But then wouldn't have had character development.
And I can totally imagine Zecora talking in Heiku. In fact, I think it works so well her and Heiku are now in my personal canon.
Finally, I was surprised when she did break rhyme. But it had the desired effect. It sure would have made me pay attention for sure!
Again, kudos on this fantastic piece of fiction, thank you.
I haven't read this yet, but I actually DO plan on it.
ReplyDeleteI just have one problem: Why does this rhyming pre-reader not RP Zecora properly? It isn't enough to rhyme but to do it with the proper meter!
/Scold
Okay, I very much liked this story. It isn't perfect, but practically no piece of writing is. I love the way Zecora is portrayed and I much like this extra view into the Everfree forest! Very well done!
ReplyDeleteAlso, having Zecora write in Haiku is excellent. =3
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI really like the explanation from the story "Shaman" -- the rhymes are her personal taboo from the spirits, to make her think twice about advice before giving it.
Dammit. You ninja'd my idea of a severe weather outbreak threatening Ponyville. It was also storms that come from the Everfree forest. The only difference is in the story itself.
ReplyDeleteIt may have never been written anyway, though. I'm not much of a fanfic person. I can always post an outline or so if you all still want to read it, though.
Told ya it wasn't bad, told ya it would go up. I've alread given this a read and stuff, so I'm just going to rate it.
ReplyDeleteZecora knows lots,
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash learned a lesson,
Easily five stars.
This was pretty good. I liked it.
ReplyDeleteYou've managed to capture Zecora's type of speach in tact while making it seem realistic. I've only read a couple of stories with Zecora being the mane point of view. Needless to say what you've done is an impressive thing.
ReplyDeleteStory was competent and coherent. Nothing seemed to jump out at me that screamed mistake, for those I'd need a second read over. Stories very well done. Easily a five star and deserves nothing less.
I truly loved this story! Good reading indeed, I will definitely reccomend it.
ReplyDeleteBest part of this story: SPEAR SHAKER'S SONNETS!!! I have GOT to draw a William Shakespeare pony. I wonder how the plays work in Equestia: Romeo and Muliette...Big MacBeth...Two Stallions of Verona...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFinally read the story. It's very good all around. The way RD and crew tackle the severe storms intelligently in the end was good, and it will make it hard for me to write about storms that are even worse and thus harder to defeat.
ReplyDeleteThe ending could use a little polish, but I really liked how this writer fleshed out and utilized Zecora so well. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteI guess I missed this before. Good thing then that I occasionally go back through the archives.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, yeah, it works. No badly written, characters act natural enough. Not sure how I felt about Zecora not rhyming, but meh... That's nothing worth complaining about.
One problem though... Rainbow Dash can barely walk, she can't even lift off. So how is she bouncing around and jumping on those clouds like that? I mean, they might look soft but they are solid for the pegasi. And she has to put weight on them, even if they are soft.
"Oh, what the cuss!" I loled. :) Though I don't see how she's having trouble taking off -- she frequently hovers in favor of walking or standing.
ReplyDeleteThere's a small issue I want to note -- you repeat yourself quite a bit. For example,
She sipped some of the stew, perking up upon discovering that it tasted pretty good. She settled down on the bed and continued to sip at the stew. "Hey, this isn’t bad! ..."
If she's going to say it's good out loud, you don't need to narrate it to us, and you certainly don't need to use "sip" twice. This passage would be tighter if you said,
She took a cautious sip of the stew, expecting the bitter flavor of medicinal herbs, but she was pleasantly surprised. "Hey! This is really good!" Rainbow Dash settled down on the bed and guzzled the entire bowl in seconds.
Also, and I give this advice a lot, you need to watch your point of view. You're switching randomly between Dash and Zecora, and it would be more immersive if you stuck to one or the other. Try to switch only at scene changes.
If there's a particular reaction you really want to switch characters to expose, either do it through action and dialogue (Dash tends to speak her mind anyway), or save it up for the next scene change and work it in later.
Thanks for the critique. This originally started as a Zecora POV piece, but Rainbow Dash quickly stole the show. So what you see is me trying to go back to my original idea a couple times. I didn't think it was that disruptive, but I'll keep it in mind for my next project. I'm thinking about calling it "My too-faithful student"
ReplyDeleteSPOILER ALERT!!!
ReplyDeleteThe concept that a flier as well-rounded as Dash would need her wings to take off is a bit of a wall-banger, but it serves as a useful plot excuse.
Spear Shaker’s sonnets
-hah.
the panther revealed a pair of spiked tentacles waving dangerously in the air.
-I see you took Sun Tzu's "Where I Watch" to heart... or came up with the same idea on your own. I wonder if you will include its signature ability? Probably. It would underscore Zecora's previously spoken lesson.
Zecora's discussion of Cockatrices and how she harvested the numbweed make me think that Dash will be finding a way to turn the storm's own strength against itself.
“Don’t fight the wind! Work with it instead! Keep working towards the front, and if you run out of cloud, go around and start again at the back!”
-If the cloud-cover is solid enough to walk on, then working on the front, to buy more time to work on the back would seem to make more sense.
Interesting writing style for Zecora. Got sick of making rhymes, but didn't want to flake out totally I take it?
A fun little story. Zecora is always a welcome addition.
ReplyDeleteExcellent balanced characterization of Dash. No seriously. Way too many exaggerate her well beyond where she exaggerates herself...
ReplyDelete