Author: Mist
Description: Seven years ago The Knights of Celestia marched into battle. Under direct order from Celestia, and commanded by Twilight Sparkle, they ran into battle against their unknown enemy. That was seven years ago, and now all that is left are the bodies and remains of a once majestic land. What happened to Equestria? More importantly, what will happen now?All Links After the Break!
A New Equestria Prologue
A New Equestria Part 1
A New Equestria Part 2
A New Equestria Part 3
A New Equestria Part 4
A New Equestria Part 5
A New Equestria Part 6
A New Equestria Part 7
A New Equestria Part 8
A New Equestria Part 9
A New Equestria Part 10
A New Equestria Part 11
A New Equestria Part 12
A New Equestria Part 13
A New Equestria Part 14 (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, war, adventure, post-apocalyptic, Minor-OC ponies
59 comments:
Sounds like a decent concept to start a story with.
ReplyDeletesecond!
ReplyDeleteHm. An interesting start for an interesting concept, but I'm gonna wait for another chapter to see if I commit to it.
ReplyDeleteI quite enjoyed reading this, but I'd say spacing between the paragraphs in future might help to divide the text more than the indents already have.
ReplyDeleteNope, I don't like it. Lots of misused words or synonyms used badly, logic holes up the whazzoo and it seems really a bit over written.
ReplyDeleteSorry, don't like it.
I agree on the misused words here and there,
ReplyDelete(I won't lie, it IS bothering me ["baron wasteland"? WTF?])
not so much -however- on the "logic holes".
Could be interesting, but as it is, there needs to be more actual content to judge this story.
I'll be awaiting the things to come :)
Suggestion taken on the paragraph spacing, I'll update it before today is over.
ReplyDeleteAlso I'll be sure to read over my text more carefully for these errors. I am thankful for the feedback, good or bad.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteLogic holes. 'I silently cursed Dipper; he had never given me a map.' Yeah, let's curse the fellow that didn't read my mind to know I was going to leave the safety of my enclosed city. Good job. And of course, the decision not to bring anything along with him when he left. But it's more than that. What's a 2nd General? How can dirt be tarnished? He'd never seen a dead body before, OH WAIT, didn't Dipper die in front of him?
I could go on nit picking but it doesn't deserve that. This is an okay foray into MLP fanfics. It's better than half what I read, though it strikes me as a bit purple.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI failed the word the cursing of Dipper properly it seems. It's more of the irony that Dipper was a maps and navigation expert, yet didn't leave any kind of maps behind etc. Plus Dipper clearly encouraged Flare to leave the city (Might revise to make both of those more clear)
The decision to not bring anything actually came from 2 things, which may need some revision to point out: 1. In Flare's mind the war is essentially over. He thought that he would be going to a rebuilding of Equestria rather than a ruined one. 2. There is little that could be taken out of the city besides food really. Not much would have been useful, as remember they haven't seen the outside world for over 7 years.
Remember that the systems and military utilized in Equestria is not like that of our own. This is fiction, so their military structure is a bit different. It's explained a bit more later but for the sake of questions: a 2nd General in the Equestrian Military is sort of like the right hand of Celestia herself, Celestia obviously being the first command. There's a bunch of other stuff that comes into play as well (such as their firearms are not like the traditional human ones).
Dirt being tarnished was supposed to be sort of a redundant statement. The character is expressing that everything is ruined, even the dirt itself, however the fact that you point this out shows that this idea wasn't portrayed correctly, and I will have to take that into account next chapter.
The dead body thing, I kind of disagree on. Seeing someone die of illness in front of you is not exactly the same as seeing a "dead body". Flare is referring to the corpses in front of the city entrance, which Dipper was far from a "corpse" when he passed. He was only dead for a few hours, these bodies have been forgotten in the dirt for weeks, possibly years for some. Seeing someone pass in their sleep is a lot different on a person than seeing a rotting corpse.
I do appreciate the feedback, as I do all, in fact I really need it. Everything being said I am taking into account, and plan on making revisions, and keeping in mind in future content.
Interesting read, Mist. Just out of curiosity: What makes a story grimdark?
ReplyDeleteGonna call it right now: Flare is Celestia respawned.
ReplyDelete@banjo2E
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, not quite, though that's an interesting idea to play with, and I'm curious as to how you came to that assumption XD
@ Anonymous: Seth has a little thing on what that means I believe, unless you're referring to this story specifically, in which case I'd have to say that it's filled with death, considering there's a war, and like a majority of the population was slaughtered.
really liked the idea of the whole thing, but there are some logic holes as stated. but im not one to nit pick so i won't. really got into it and hope there are more parts to come.
ReplyDeletehuh, some sort of FALLOUT..?
ReplyDeleteI might keep reading it when posted more later on
Okay. You got my attention. I'll follow this one.
ReplyDeleteJust read through up to chapter 4, and this is actually really quite intrigueing and I will have to watch this story, it has a lot of potential.
ReplyDeleteYou got me kid.Interesting read.Keep it up please.
ReplyDeletei dont read alot of fanfics but this is my favorite. cant wait for more!
ReplyDeleteWell...
ReplyDeleteThis is what TvTropes would call a Crapsack world.
That place sucks. But the story's got me picked.
@wadegmc
ReplyDeleteYou have my love as well. :3
I originally wanted to just do 1 chapter at a time, but I wanted to bring people into the Rainbow Dash saga right away and give people some Pinkie Pie.
By all means though tell me what you like and don't like as you see fit. :3
Pinky still Pinky in wasteland... Great!!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the follow ups, thx.
So... it's like Fallout, but not Fallout. Okay.
ReplyDeleteChapter 5 link is broken. Just beings you back to this page.
ReplyDeleteOh, hey I was wondering whatever had happened to this story...
ReplyDeleteLink is broken, looping back to this page.
This is awsome, I love these post-apocalyptic type stories. However, CHAPTER 5 IS BROKEN, HELPS!
ReplyDeleteI'll message Seth about that. XD
ReplyDelete@DeathsEnvoy
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/15gQydkhKP5jIwgWYDOx35vZONkQ1ZaSN6aKKHVzMFNE/edit?hl=en_US
Link until Seth fixes it.
finally! though this chapter seemed alot shorter than the others, but that dosent matter much if more chapters come out sooner. still a great story and one of the few fics i keep an eye out for.
ReplyDeleteFallout one is far too long for me to catch up but this one, I'm co-oping with it. Quite a short update huh? I hope the actual story and history revelation gets on the way soon.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a cool read, the minor errors are, you know, minor. But DANGIT why don't I EVER listen to the tags? Poor Rainbow, what with her wing and all D:
ReplyDelete@Dashmaster
ReplyDeleteDash is my favorite pony by far, so it killed me to do this to her.
I. Need. The 6th. Episode. Why did it have to end just when my fav pony Octavia appeared in the story? Greetings from Polish brony. Youre doing a good job there.
ReplyDeleteUh, Seth, I think we have a broken link. I'm hitting chapter 6, but it keeps pulling up 5 instead.
ReplyDeleteDang two stories I wanted to read(this and Skyfall) both with links to the previous chapter in the past two days. :(
ReplyDeleteChapter 6 is just a re-posted chapter 5, Seth>
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe link is fixed.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletesorry about those comments i removed, grammar error. anyways, part 6 was short but still entertaining. and the thing with the disappearing cutie mark was kinda odd at first but made sense after i thought about it. still looking forward for more!
ReplyDeletePinkie Pie eating ponies? The only thing I don't like about this story. Disappearing cutie mark - excellent. I wonder what'd Lauren think about this idea.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, I didn't know this had some updates! I got a lot to catch up on..
ReplyDeletenice secret story btw :P
Awesome story! Keep it up!
ReplyDeletePinkamena is a interesting character, i expected her to be the insane one, but she has a purpose, she believes its the right thing and got Flare to do it too obviously.
ReplyDeleteWonder if he will snap later because he realizes what he has done.
(we talked in the chat of chapter 8 )
GODDAMMIT.
ReplyDeleteYour main character goes within two chapters from being a heroic person with a solid belief system to cannibalism, brutal murder, and in general just totally raping all morals just because Pinkie (who WE ALREADY KNOW IS INSANE) says it might be a workable idea to potentially save a handful of lives that we don't even really know if they're still around.
Buck you and your story.
i didn't know that chapter 7 and 8 were out, was it posted here? doesn't seem like i would have missed it. anyways im caught up now and the story has gotten better than ever imo. always enjoy seeing it get updated.
ReplyDelete@banjo2E
ReplyDeleteFlare wasn't meant to be good or evil. He is more or less a mold, it's sort of symbolized by his lack of a cutie mark. He has not "talent" or alignment.
I would argue though that his logic in this scenario is sound. Consider this: He's aware that Canterlot exists and is essentially the last known stronghold for civilization. If Canterlot is lost, everything is lost. He knows a plague exists and is slowly killing ponies there. He also knows that the savages want nothing to do with a new society. Logically if told he had the chance to save some ponies in Canterlot by destroying some of the savages (Which are essentially a threat to it anyways) then he would be willing to make that choice, though begrudgingly as he's shown.
I will say his "transformation" may happen too quickly, but to each their own on that one. I feel he was desensitized to murder already by Dash and Pinkie for the past few weeks.
oh wow, I like this Pinkie(Pinkamena). I'm still not sure whether she's right or not but I love the character
ReplyDeleteCall me effed in the head, but I'm really enjoying how you've written Flare in regards to the whole killing ponies thing, and even the not standing up for the pony that Pinkamena beats because he doesn't want to get on her bad side. I'm a little tired of the self-righteous, lawful good heroes, so I find Flare to be rather refreshing
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just wanted to say I'm loving this story and I really hope you continue on with it
oh AJ..
ReplyDeletePart of me hoped they would die in the Factory,oh well darn ill have to wait for the next threat to kill them :D
ReplyDeleteBit of an update: A New Equestria is on temporary hold while I finish another story. It will be a MLP fix, probably 4-5 chapters, but I'm going to finish it all at once before release. A New Equestria will return finishing up the Canterlot saga and enter a Halloween themed saga.
ReplyDelete"“When you first came out here, I thought you were just another overly righteous colt trying to better Equestria through peaceful means and understanding and all that rubbish..."
ReplyDeleteBravo good sir. I think I'm in love.
Halloween saga? Well, that sounds so ungrimdark comparing to the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteI love this story. Even though you confound me to OC characters, the story is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteNice to see this is still going. It's very rare that I follow stories like this and I'm not entirely sure why I'm following this one, but whatever the reason I'm still enjoying it.
ReplyDeleteMinor-OC ponies...
ReplyDeleteThe story is told through the OC pony, I wouldn't call that minor.
Hm. So it doesn't seem to have been Trixie's forces who shot down the chopper...
ReplyDeleteOk so on chap 12 and I cant help but feel like this a combo of gears of war, fallout, and star trecks Borg. Addicted though. Good job!
ReplyDeletehm, what happened to this story? I hope it gets updated sometime soon...
ReplyDelete