[Normal][Random] The entire thing is narrated by Zecora. That is some serious work right there!
Author: Chopper's Top Hat
Description :When it comes to flying, no one does it as fineThe Most Dangerous Dish!
as Rainbow Dash, but when her pride's on the line
she grows rather reckless; now sit back and see
how she creates a frosting-topped catastrophe!
Additional Tags: Whimsical, short, rhyme, competition, cake
42 comments:
lol I read this as part of the competition. Somehow the rhymes just make it better. Especially when you consider that it's a speed-fic.
ReplyDeleteThat was brilliant XD
ReplyDeleteI just barely managed to cobble together cohesive prose in 2 1/2 hours, but THIS guy does rhyme in the same timeframe, and tells a neat little tale to boot! Nicely done, sir. I tip my hat to you.
ReplyDeleteThis one definitely deserved its own post. Its awesome for only 2 hours of work.
ReplyDeleteCompletely in rhyme? Instant five stars!
ReplyDeleteAmazing!
ReplyDeleteEverything rhymed plus a very fluid story.
5 stars!
THIS, was AMAZING. And dare I say, would love to see a series of tales coming ztraight from the zebra's mouth. I loved her introduction, and can see it being used again for any future flights of fancy that you manage to come up with!
ReplyDeleteVery good. The flowed worked well and despite the odd style, it still captured the characters.
ReplyDeleteThere was one line which stood out, though. It just didn't seem to flow as well as the others.
'Dash put down her entry right next to me,
and said, “Hey there Zecora, you're just in time to see'
I read it quite a few times and each I tried to pause after the 'and said', making me read what came after as a new sentence.
This caused the rhyme to collapse for me.
Even them it’s still better than most of Equestria daily.
Writing for Zecora is tough enough, but you did an entire story from her perspective? Wow. Five stars
ReplyDeleteAhaha,the mighty Rainbow Dash against a cake.XD
ReplyDeleteThis is most certainly quite impressive.
ReplyDelete5/5 stars
ReplyDeleteBrilliant writing, I could definitely see this as a nice storybook for young children. It's a shame you can't pitch it to Hasbro.
This was amazing. For all being in prose, wonderfully fluid, and done in two hours, I applaud you, sir. 6/5 stars.
ReplyDeleteSo...Pegasi eat cakes made of thunderclouds? No wonder Dash and Fluttershy are so awesome.
ReplyDeleteWriting Zecora, I know to be tough,
ReplyDeletePacked to the brim with much rhyming fluff,
But this here story, has much skill behind,
And what do you know, rhymes great to unwind.
5 stars
I'm awed by all the rhyming! There was even a surprise twist. And that last couplet made me giggle!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap this is an awesome story!
ReplyDelete*reads first six lines*
ReplyDeleteThanks for the directions, Zecora! :D
Excellent Writing Zecora is a Challenge in itself Yet your flow was fantastic. You choice of vocabulary was excellent
ReplyDeleteThis was truly awesome, and I'm still marvelling at how the writer managed to rhyme flawlessly the whole way through.
ReplyDeleteI'm also pretty chuffed that Zecora narrated the whole thing in my head.
5/5 stars.
ReplyDeleteThat was pretty awesome!
...
But who won?
<.<
LOL that was just fantastic :) This'd make a good... I dunno, like if they ever have some sort of "two parter" episode... you know two short stories that are only 11 minutes? this'd make a good one of those
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's me, but I just couldn't get into it. I can appreciate the effort put into the rhyming, because Zecora is tough to write for.
ReplyDeleteBut.. I dunno, it just didn't grab me.
>Author: Chopper's Top Hat
ReplyDelete>Narrated by Zecora, complete with rhyming
>Written as a speedfic
All my money.
I could never write Zecora. There are too many words that don't rhyme with anything.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of, I bet Zecora hates oranges.
This really needs six stars. I was enthralled the entire team. The author really has a beautiful talent here. A couple of beats occasionally seemed a little haywire, but with the proper rhythm this fic was just magnificent.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, this kicks the ass
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, this is amazing! While I didn't find the rhythm of some of the lines to be perfect, this was an all-around awesome piece. I loved the rhymes, and the story Zecora told. Hehe, it even had a moral, like the show!
ReplyDeleteOh ho ho! There can be no doubt we have never been in greater need of more writings for our favorite striped steed. I hope that to more stories for Zecora does this story lead. Soon, now, shall they grace the Equestria daily news feed.
ReplyDeleteset mind = blown
ReplyDeleteSimply, wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI honestly cannot see how a lightning cake could ever be made safe for consumption. I'm almost certain that puffer fish has a lower chance of killing you.
ReplyDeleteMoral of the story: DON'T FREAKING BAKE WITH STORM CLOUDS
ReplyDeleteThat being said, nicely done
@Flatterscheu Twist did.
...So Derpy is Canadian?
ReplyDeleteUh oh.
Done in only 2 hours, a cohesive story, a friendship report and all done in rhyme!? That take exceptional skill. The story/poem was imaginative as well.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm imagining an entire episode narrated by Zecora.
I think you deserve five stars just for making the whole thing rhyme, meter be hanged. And on top of that, a neat idea with some stuff like the pegasus recipes. "Canada in a gown" is the funniest thing ever. And love for Twist, that's adorable. Great work!
ReplyDeleteOh man, these comments are making me grin like an idiot. I was a bit worried about what kind of reception such an unusual story would get, so I'm really touched and happy that so many people enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, this version represents a bit more than two hours' work because it's a revised version of the originally submitted story. I tightened up some of the lines for the sake of flow(though obviously I missed a few, thank you to those who pointed them out)and added a few new scenes. So...maybe two and a half hours? Feels like cheating if I don't point that out. But it's not a huge change; I'd say it's about 90% the same story as before. Like Scootaloo, it is now 10% cooler.
Thanks so much for all your comments!
They need to make a real episode like this! It's like Lauren Faust ate Doctor Seuss and started wearing his face as a mask...
ReplyDeleteSuch great effort, the craft in making,
ReplyDeletethis tale of the dangers in baking.
I swear, Mt hat, you must be buried underneath all these internets you win every time you put your fingers to a keyboard. You deserve to have squadrons of beuttious genitals (of your gender preference) bombard you with money. The nice soft paper stuff to, not coins. Those F***ers really hurt with enough force put behind them
ReplyDeletethis story = facehoof
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story. The rhyming couplets remind me of Dr. Seuss (that's a good thing, by the way).
ReplyDeleteHave an Internet.