[Normal][Adventure]
Author: RiffBrony
Description: Ever wonder what Princess Luna was doing during the Grand Galloping Gala? When the Cutie Mark Crusaders are in need of a babysitter while the mane 6 are at the Gala, who should show up and offer her services other than the moon princess herself? However, much like Twilight and her friends, their evening does not turn out exactly as planned...The Midnight Crusades
Additional Tags: Young at heart, Little Sisters,
66 kommentaari:
I love Seth and Cereal. but mostly Seth.
VastaKustutaSo this is where luna was during the gala.....wierd but okay >.>
VastaKustutaTHIRD
VastaKustutaRarity's taken a quick turn for the selfish here, which seems sliiiightly out of character for her, even given her act in Sonic Rainboom, but still, overall good chapter. It was interesting to see Luna speaking in a very Celestia-esque tone of voice, and being more regal than normally portrayed.
VastaKustutaThough I imagine with the CMC under her wing that'll degrade pretty quickly over the night.
This promises to be interesting. Looking forward to more!
VastaKustutaI can very much see Rarity being like that if she was to miss out on the Gala.
VastaKustutaI can't wait to see more, it seems like it'll have a nice light hearted tone to it.
Yay! A non-shipping story! Headed to Minnesota (from Indiana) in about 12 hours so hopefully there will be more chapters when I return to the state! Too bad log cabins don't get internet ><.
VastaKustutaLuna plus the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Now this has serious potential. Going to be needing more of this promptly.
VastaKustutasomuchwant.jpg
VastaKustutaNothing gets between a lady and her man!
VastaKustutaalso: Cutie Mark Crusader Third Time's The Charm Super Sleepover at Canterlot!!!!!!!!
A CMC story that isn't comedy? Sorry, but those three are pretty insufferable
VastaKustutaI like the premise, but it needs another look over. The sentences tend to run on a little bit, and there's just a little too much explanation why every possible pony is unavailable.
VastaKustutaI would have accepted a blanket 'Most ponies were visiting families or out on their own parties."
Here we go.
VastaKustutaI feel all manner of sorry for Luna.
You may continue :D
I'm really enjoying this, particularly the dialogue when Applejack and Rarity start sniping at each other. And then their desperate attempts to find another caretaker . . . I was half expecting Rarity to try to recruit the Diamond Dogs. "Puh-leeeeeease won't you waaatch them for just one niiiiiiight?"
VastaKustutacan't wait till the next chapter! :D
VastaKustutaThis story looks promising. I'll check back on it once another chapter is added.
VastaKustutaDid I miss something or was there a reason Big Macintosh couldn't watch them?
VastaKustuta@Somber Poker night.
VastaKustutaOh Luna, what have you got yourself into now. Just please remember to watch their sugar intake.
VastaKustutaSgt. Brony
If I were in Luna's socks, I'd be thinking "Oh dear god WHY?!"
VastaKustutaI just want to point out that Apple Bloom should be holding the map in the picture. That is all.
VastaKustutamfw luna agreed to caretake them:
VastaKustutahttp://th04.deviantart.net/fs70/150/f/2011/184/8/1/the_sweetie_derelle_goes_aaaaa_by_goodstnero-d3kuebt.jpg
Nice start at least, liked the verbal banter between Rarity and Applejack.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaFirst chapter was the perfect prologue! Looking forward to more of this!
VastaKustutaOoh, this seems promising. I like the idea.
VastaKustuta@LadyM
VastaKustutaSure, pon... I mean, Miss Rarity, we will be happy to ste... watch your little sister. Is she any good at hunting gems? And does she... complain a lot?
@Somber
VastaKustutaIt is said in the story that both Big Macintosh and Granny Smith were doing something else, elsewhere.
This here's a great introduction to the primary conflict, but I'll reserve my judgment until the next chapter. I honestly have no idea where the author will take this...
VastaKustutaLast chapter would have been epic if the last line was:
VastaKustuta"Rarity fainted."
How hard could it have been for Rarity to just bat her eyes at some guy and get them to help her out? That stated, this is gonna be good. One hopes that poor Luna retains her sanity at the end of the night.
VastaKustutaConfound these bronies and they're amazing writing abilities! Just as I finish the first Stargate Crossover story (And geek out in the process...I mean...Jack O'Neal and Ponies! In the same story! OH GOD!!!!)
VastaKustutaI'm not wrapped up in another story, this one has promise. I look forward to the next chapter!
Confound M1Abrams and his using They're instead of Their!
VastaKustutaSeriously dude, it's not that hard. Here's how to make sure whether you should use they're or their. Does it make sense as they are?
"Confound these bronies and they are amazing writing abilities!"
No, it doesn't. Make it "their". Seriously.
This story definitely has potential.
VastaKustutaApplejack and Rarity's banter was golden.
Other than that Rarity seemed kinda out of character, but this isn't a story about Rarity so THERE.
Oh you TEASE!
VastaKustutaMore, I say! MORE!
Ohh, this is good. I can't wait for the next installment.
VastaKustutaAlthough, whats wrong with Zecora watching the girls? Applebloom gets along swell with her, so I don't see why the other CMC's would have a problem with her.
*shrug* I still want to see where this goes. *popcorn*
Thank you everybody for the feedback! Happy to see that people are excited for it. I won't have a "regular" update time, but anytime I have a break from the glamorous lifestyle I lead of working a part time job and reading other peoples' MLP fanfiction, I will be working on this. I hope to have chapter 2 up by Monday.
VastaKustutaAnd two concerns I saw pop up...
1) My run-on, over-explanatory sentences. Yes, I admit this is a problem that I have a lot when I write stuff, stories or otherwise. I will try to keep this in mind for later chapters.
2) Rarity's OOC-ness. Again, I will freely admit that I wrote her out-of-character. I don't really have an excuse for this one other than I haven't really exposed myself to much of Rarity. I don't dislike her, but I don't think I've ever seen any Rarity episode more than once, and except for a recent Rarijack story that I just read, I haven't read a single Rarity-based fanfiction. I will do my best to portray her better in future chapters and, yes, she and Applejack will still play a major part in the story after this part (but no, it will not be Rarijack).
@Commodore Z
VastaKustutaOh, man, that's a really good point. I honestly didn't even think of Zecora. Well, for now, I'll just go with "we wouldn't have a story if she could."
Ohhh so much want, can't wait for next part :D
VastaKustutaThe picture kind of spoiled it, but eh.
VastaKustutaI love this story so far. : )
VastaKustutaThis is gonna be gooood :D
VastaKustutaLook promising.
VastaKustutaGood 'cliffhanger' at the end of the first chapter.
Nothing bad striking the eye.
Please do continue :)
Awww, just a prologue. Ismorewantingyesyoubetterbelive.jpg
VastaKustutaAlso, I hope the pic is just a pic and not a 'spoiler' like the above poster implies.
@Melodia
VastaKustutaIt basically only spoils that Luna was going to be their caretaker.
@Commodore Z
VastaKustutaThe problem is not so much getting Zecora to watch the girls. But getting all the way through the Everfree forest to drop them, and pick them up.
Besides, imagine what would happen if they wanted to try getting Voodoo-based cutie marks. Poor zebra will get scarred for life.
What a random idea for a story.
VastaKustutaWhoa... I love this one~. ^.^
VastaKustutaYou pretty much got all of the characters' personalities down perfectly, which is a huge plus.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. ;D
:P In case anybody is reading this, I got a bit sidetracked this week, so I hope to have chapter 2 up tomorrow.
VastaKustutaI love this so much~
VastaKustutaHow do you add stars?? I wanna give five! <3
How long does it take to get posted?
VastaKustutaEr... putting this story on hiatus with the intent of fixing up the overall story before I continue on. For those who like my writing, I do have some smaller pieces I am working on and will be submitting here.
VastaKustutaWhen the CMC first arrive at the Cakes' place, the word "man" is said by Scootaloo and Applejack, within about 50 words of each other. You might want to fix that. Does anypony know what the word "man" means? *shrug*
VastaKustutaAlso, Rarity says "men" when talking about them and their habits for not liking to visit their in-laws.
Loving the story, can't wait for an update. :)
Thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter I look forward to future updates.
VastaKustutaFirst chapter without a second? I seems people are waiting, as am i! I hope for the next installment.
VastaKustuta♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
VastaKustutaAt the end I was like "the fuck?"
VastaKustutaWhy isn't there a chapter 2. :'( Great read so far.
VastaKustutaIt's gone!
VastaKustutaWHAT THE F-
I hope this one isn't abandoned. It's one of my favs of the 'normal' type.
VastaKustuta@Riffbrony, I didn't like Rarity that much before either. Fanfic changed my mind.
VastaKustutaThe best short Rarity stories are "Carousel" and "Simply Rarity". A little longer, "Ah Ain't Got No Ack-Cent" has a good amount of Rarity. "Pony Psychology" gives version of her that is a little off-kilter, but very much her, and it's also short. They're all 6-star.
So, we've had 3 episodes of season 2 already, and there's still only 2 chapter? The fuck?
VastaKustutaThe page is broken for me, I get 3 MySQL error lines instead of getting the link to the story. :(
VastaKustuta(the fimfiction page is broken, the ED page is working fine)
I'm having the same issue as Mister Tulip up there. If anyone has an alternate link or google doc, I would love to read this story.
VastaKustutaI am the author of this story, and I am sorry to say I had it cancelled. I quickly lost the inspiration needed to continue this, and am, for now, going to focus on short one-parters, if any FiMfiction at all.
VastaKustuta@CanterEdlund
VastaKustutaGlad to know I don't have to waste my time waiting for an update.
my gosh...you canceled?
VastaKustutai want to read it!!!
please give me the incomplete story....i want to read it please!
Please, please, please!!!!!
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