Author: Jess the Crazy Rabid Pony
Description: After following a baby griffin into the Everfree Forest, Fluttershy finds herself in danger. Fortunately, she is saved by a gentle and quite charming dragon.The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb Part 2
The Lion and the Lamb Part 3
The Lion and the Lamb Part 4
The Lion and the Lamb Part 5
The Lion and the Lamb Part 6 (New!)
Additional Tags: Dragon, Griffin, Everfree Forest, Danger, Rescue
39 comments:
D'awww...
ReplyDeletethat picture made me dawwwww
ReplyDeleteD'awww love the picture.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm not sure if a story revolving around Fluttershy and a Dragon with the tag "Shipping" on it is something most people will read as a sane and normal person.
Frightening tags indeed! And description. Gonna have to read this once I get the time!
@Fluttershy What? That's, like, the best premise EVER. Especially after Dragonshy.
ReplyDeletewhat I see
ReplyDelete"fluttershy + dragon"
what I think
"fluttershy + spike"
in reality
"fluttershy + other grown up dragon+
mind = blown
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete*Edited cause i found out there was another chapter hidden in the author notes*
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering, is the griffon chick just too young to talk, which would be rather surprising seeing as it has somehow survived on its own thus far, or has the author decided to take away griffon's sentiency from canon.
feels like the setup to some scenes just felt... off.
a log breaks beneath them, then Fluttershy wakes up perfectly fine, till she tries to move. oh look, giant boulder.
This as most fics, has promise...
But minor details are important and at times not so minor.
cute fic. will read more.
ReplyDeleteI love that picture of Fluttershy... So cute!
ReplyDeleteI needs a hugs again from Fluttershy eheh ^^;
"...gentle and quite charming dragon."
ReplyDeleteYes! Perfect! I love dragons.
Shipping OC and canon? That's murky territory.
ReplyDeleteD'aaaaw so far :D
ReplyDeleteThe image broked my brains D:
ReplyDeleteI agree with ZAquanimus that some set ups feel really... well set up, as it were.
ReplyDeleteyou paint a strong image with your words how ever i found myself quite frequently getting kicked back to reality by small things like over describing the scene "a time period of seven hours" could have been reduced to "seven hours had passed" or could have been done from one of their perspectives "it felt like seven hours had passed...". at the same time those kind of wordy descriptions help a lot like your intro describing the time of year. just take care not to over do scenes as its one of a million things that hurts pacing.
i'll be interested to see where this goes and i suspect you'll shine when it comes to dialogue.
3/5 (for now)
Thank you all for you kind comments! I will be sure to keep all suggestions in mind. Thank you again! ^^
ReplyDeleteIt's cute yes. And I dawwwed yes... but it's very short and it's moving very slowly.
ReplyDeleteNothing really WRONG with it, but only 3/5 until something actually happens :) Keep up the good work
I liked this alot 5/5, without hesitation!
ReplyDeleteFluttershy? Shipping? Dragon?
ReplyDeleteNot sure if I want to read this or not...
*Click*
So how long until the steamy interspecies makeout?
ReplyDeleteCuz' I'm still waitin' for that.
Truely a DAWWWWWWWWWW-tastic fic. Good for wasting a good hour or so in cuteness.
ReplyDelete@tinwhistle
ReplyDeleteWell, assuming the dragon can produce steam as well as smoke, I'd say pretty soon!
why is this fic being bumped to the top on the homepage
ReplyDelete@Anonymous Because blogger borked. The time stamp on this fic is 5:45 PM
ReplyDeleteEvery story that gets posted before that time will end up below this one.
Thanks again for all the comments! I really appreciate them! Happy Brony Appreciation Day, y'allz! <3
ReplyDeleteGenerally, I like it. The premise is intriguing - I hope you'll explore why Fluttershy is usually petrified of dragons. It is well executed technically, and your descriptions are vivid and easy to picture.
ReplyDeleteBut your story is falling a little flat, with me anyway, in the character department. Fluttershy and Smokey share the the traits of being nice, and being kind to animals. Chapter 4 shows Smokey can be a fierce protector when his charges are threatened - just like Fluttershy. In fact, it seems like if Fluttershy were a male dragon, she would BE Smokey. And while it's great that Fluttershy admires Smokey's skill with animals, and Smokey thinks Fluttershy is cute, I don't find it interesting to read. There's no conflict here.
Granted, part of it is that your chapters are short. Perhaps the plot hasn't really had a chance to get rolling yet.
TL;DR: Great idea, and great technical execution. Characters need work, and plot is slow at the moment. Suggested: get some conflict going.
much daawwwww
ReplyDeleteharsh contrast between high specifics and high imagery (it requires a master to combine them well)
I disagree with Mr. Previous Anon, as continuous conflict is not always necessary in short stories. One can enjoy good falling actions with mediocre conflict as much a good conflict (and resolution) with mediocre falling actions.
(spoilers follow)
The dragon resorting to combat broke the character for me. For a gentlemanly travelling magician it is much more believable for him to try to flee or avoid conflict than to jump into it. (success in too many areas makes an unbelievable character.)
Thank you for all the comments and criticism! They are appreciated. As for the above comment, I see what you mean, but the attack on poor Fluttershy drove him to protect her, yet his gentlemanly nature prevented him from using his own teeth in combat.
ReplyDeleteUp until this point, The dragon OC has been pretty much outshining Fluttershy throughout the story.
ReplyDeleteI realise this is likely to have the reader get a sense of the character, but.. well, I feel a little like the story doesn't actually need her there, other than for Smokey to care for (and court) her.
I like this story. Was a bit skeptical at first, as with many fanfics, many OC Ponies end up being self-inserted Mary Sues, but Smokey's done a good job of evading most of the stereotypes (save a couple).
ReplyDeleteOnly real problem with the stories I have is the curious fixation on Fluttershy's runny nose. I know she has caught cold, but there's more to illness than frequent descriptions of snot. Other than that, I like the story.
EDIT: I wish to amend my statement in the second sentence. I currently have seen very few Mary Sue OCs in this fandom. I should say I tend to be suspicious of OC characters in general when they are to become a canon character's love interest.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible to die by dawwwwwing to much?
ReplyDeleteOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh, I've been waiting for this :D
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the comments!
ReplyDeleteOh no! Patriot Dash, don't diiiie! XD
Such an amazingly detailed and sweet story.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to keep an eye out for this one.
Keep it up.
This really should have more attention, but anyways.
ReplyDeleteWhilst quite difficult to avoid considering this fic makes itself on descriptions of adorable things, there is a fair amount of word repetition. I realise eliminating that word repetition would most likely entail exhausting the English language.
The fic seems to be about perfect cuteness running around and being perfectly cute. Don't let anyone tell you that is bad or that Smokey shouldn't be a Mary Sue because that is exactly what makes this so great. The audience will empathise with Smokey -and though pointless to say now, this fic may've been better written from the point of view of Smokey- and in that, indulge a fairly powerful desire to care for Fluttershy. That is the purpose of this fic, as I see it, and anyone who claims Mary Sue of Smokey claims it out of attempts to find issue with the fic.
In this last chapter (6) the baby griffin is portrayed differently as to how she is in earlier chapters, particularly when she was in Fluttershy's hen house and play fighting with Smokey. She seems even younger and more babyish, and here I refer mostly to the scene where she lies in Fluttershy's embrace, than she was before. More like a helpless newborn than a very young (cub?) acting on instinct. This image of her could've been avoided with a quick line or two of her acting playful - that is to say that her actions in the chapter were fine, just needed a little framing.
Let's see, Smokey's fight with the werewolf seemed unnecessary and perhaps a little out of character. Perhaps he should've tried to converse with it first or, as commented above, ran until cornered?
How are you dealing with carnivores? Is the werewolf capable of living on a vegetarian diet? What about the griffin?
It seems a bit odd that Smokey lives in the Everfree forest as he does.
Maybe some more description of Smokey's house? Wait, was it even Smokey's house?
A picture pl0x?
There seems to be some sexual undertones, probably due in most part to all the porny content I've been searching up. But still, it wouldn't hurt to dismiss or confirm those in fic.
Keep making us d'aww!
@The Crazy Rabid Pony
ReplyDeleteAlrighty, it needs to be said again:
Tone down the abuse of vocabulary!
Normally, having a wide, expansive vocabulary in a story is really good. Using more complicated or complex words can be appropriate to describe a scene or action or emotion in vivid detail. I, normally, encourage this.
But dude, its just to much! I couldn't take it when I read this: "located in the vicinity of the fireplace", then the description of flowers after that, then you replaced the word mucus with "nasal discharge".
Rein it in a little! there comes a point were the use of such advanced vocabulary become superfluous and subtracts from the story! It makes the scenes or actions have an edge of artificial tone to them. Like with the fire pace scene when Smokey returns. It was supposed to be a heartwarming little scene with fluttershy surrounded in cute animals in front of a firepace, but because you over-described it, I, personally, suddenly became very aware I was reading a fanfic and lost the immersion in the story.
I really only noticed this in chapter 6. otherwise, a really like the story: its small enough and contained in its own little world that its a believable and cute read. Albeit, the shipping tag makes me wary for the future.
I look forward to the next chapter!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, I was pulled out of immersion when words were repeated.
Hm.
Sooooooooooooo much cuteness & charm with Fluttershy & the griffon chick!!!!!!!!! You've truly done Fluttershy a great credit.(Hugs Fluttershy from home!) I hope to see more chapters verrrrrrrrry soon!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Fluttershy is my #1 favorite pony!!!!!!!!
This absolutely made my heart melt. I love cute things *goes off to search for her own griffon chick*
ReplyDelete