[Adventure]
Author: Cold in Gardez
Description: It is the longest day of the year, and something has gone wrong. Canterlot is in ruins, Celestia is an out-of-control god flying west, and it's up to Twilight Sparkle and her friends to save Equestria. But with the Great and Powerful Trixie playing a reckless wild card, do the girls have what it takes to set things right?All Links After the Break!
The First Light of Dawn (All Links New Part 10!)
Additional Tags: Origins, secrets, disasters, magic, weekly
75 kommentaari:
Hahaha, love it!
VastaKustutaTyrant Celestia and Trixie? How could this get any better?
VastaKustuta@Zerone
VastaKustutaNot tyrant! It seems to be more that she's... um... well, "out of control" is the right phrase.
@Homfrog
VastaKustutaOh, I see. A tyrant, then.
Hmmm, sounds interesting. Let's see.
VastaKustutaPretty interesting, enjoyable read, I will wait for more.
VastaKustutaI'm interested. But also tired.
VastaKustutaTo the reading list with it! With HIGH PRIORITY!
@ToonNinjaOk, maybe not Tyrant Celestia afterall. But I would absolutely love to see Trixie's dance!
VastaKustuta"are the girls bad enough dudes to set things right?"
VastaKustutaOh man, I can totally see Twilight making blank checklists just to have things to check off. I bet she'd be completely mortified if anypony found out about it, too, even though nopony would actually care.
VastaKustutaNow THAT is how you write a description. Will definitely be checking this out, first chance I get.
VastaKustutaTrixie in chapter 2... was spectacular. Such a fantastic portrayal of her picking herself up and staking a claim on what she believes is her due. She's still arrogant, but I have to applaud her nevertheless. You portray her as one with impressive skill and grace, and all in all it's a refreshing twist on usual fan interpretations of her.
VastaKustutaI'm really looking forward to what comes next, the first chapter's description of the chase and Celestia crashing and creating a molten crater... what could have lead up to this? I can't wait to find out.
I'm disappointed that the majority of the cast seems to have been written out of the story. I hope that's not the case and the rest of the mane six beyond Twi, Dash and Aj have impact in the story. It would be a waste not to involve them.
Very promising start; looking forward to more.
VastaKustutaSo I finally did get a chance to pick this up, and . . . oh man. This is good. This is really good. The prose is absolutely delicious, and the characters are so well realized they practically leap off the page.
VastaKustuta*scrolls up to see star rating*
WHAT! How the HELL is this only four stars? I bet the lack of a pre-reader quote is hurting this, actually. Hey, Seth how about using my first paragraph?
Posting to echo Shellsh0cker, these first two chapters have been such a fantastic read, there aren't enough stars on the rating bar to give it justice.
VastaKustutaMy imagination felt like it was being massaged the whole way through, from the opening scene of Celestia going from the intensity of burning sunfire to the flickering light of an eclipse, to Trixie's roadside event, not to mention her dance, all the way down to the dozens of minute details that brought this whole world to life.
Were my drawskills better, I'd be blasting out enough fan art of this to get its own Drawfriend thread — the pictures you've painted in my head are perfect, and numerous.
I was actually made aware of this fic due to the footnote in The Cutie Mark Conspiracy, where I noticed you also wrote Maiden Flight. Both of those were fantastic, and The First Light of Dawn has me absolutely enraptured.
Maximum recommendation given, definitely an author to keep an eye out for.
Tyrant Celestia? :(
VastaKustutaWhere are the stories where Celestia is an awesome big sister and playful prankster and not a evil tyrant, rampaging force of nature, arrogant or autocratic?
@Anonymous: So far, her characterization does seem very faithful to the show - she's an awesome big sister and a playful prankster. The situation described in the synopsis is... well, let's just say that the preview for chapter 4 makes it abundantly clear where the real fault lies.
VastaKustutaBah, sorry for the double post, but I do need to add my own thoughts about the story!
VastaKustutaI'll second Fox E: in seconding ShellSh0cker; this story definitely deserves more stars than it has right now. Canterlot feels like a living town, even viewed through the lens of the most powerful disdain in Equestria, and the prose is richly worded.
If I had to quibble - and I do, unfortunately - the lack of dialogue and especially the long lengths of time that are skipped over in chapter 3 make the second half of that chapter feel detached and somewhat insubstantial. When I read that Trixie's indenture was nearly over, I felt cheated of a promising source of powerful character development. Now, I realize there couldn't have been TOO much character development or the story couldn't continue, but to see the first meeting between Luna and Trixie - two ponies who have had reason to talk about pride and its consequences if there ever was a pair - and then, a bare paragraph later, a conversation between month-old friends... it feels like a waste.
Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to the continuation with bated breath. Keep up the good work!
Why in Equestria is this only four stars? The only problem I can find with it is that already-mentioned quite long gaps in the narrative of chapter 3. I can see why they're there (covering every hour of every day would be a bit much to ask, and it must be hard to know where to draw the line of significance), though. Anyway, I've added my five stars to this, and I look forward to the next update.
VastaKustuta4.3 stars? That's disgusting. It's rare that I feel this way about EqD, but shame on some of you people. This is high-quality writing at its finest and giving it such a low score when some god-awful work gets much higher is sickening.
VastaKustutaGood anachronistic storytelling is hard to pull off, but it's done right here. Characterisation is preserved extremely well and the narrative so far is highly interesting. In particular, as mentioned by many others, the technical quality of the writing is superb, and it comes off as natural, organic, appropriate. It isn't perfect, but it's damn near close, especially compared to some of the other things on this site. It isn't riddled with errors, either, a definite plus.
FLoD isn't perfect, admittedly - the jumps in the narrative, a common complaint, can be highly jarring at times, and lengthening the piece to expound on important character development and whatnot would have been a far better approach. There's a fair bit of telling rather than showing (capitalisation in dialogue, for instance) and I am forced to question some of the author's design decisions in description, at least in places (particularly Trixie's magic show in the first chapter - vivid, lively and beautiful, but occasionally swinging and missing).
Nonetheless...ugh. Definitely better than 4.3 stars.
I went back and forth over the narrative leaps toward the end of chapter 3. Finally I decided there wasn't much to gain by giving a day-by-day account of Trixie's time in the kitchens, especially as the chapter was already getting long in the tooth (I try for ~4,000 words per chapter, this one was already 4,700). Judging by the comments I may have been wrong.
VastaKustutaThe rating doesn't bother me too much. It's been climbing steadily since the first day; I can only assume one or two people panned it. At this rate it will break 4.5 eventually and Seth may decide to upgrade it.
@Anonymous
I'll cop to the narrative jumping. My only defense is that it would be a really long story, i.e. novel length, if I tried to fill in all the gaps. As for the rest of the criticism, I do appreciate it, as I'm always trying to improve.
One thing I like about your style of writing are the kinds of hints you leave. They remind me of the way Michael Crichton wrote in his earliest novels which I enjoyed immensely. More than any other, Andromeda Strain, really. I'm looking forward to more!
VastaKustutaWelp, just as I thought I'd found a fic (not counting ships) where Trixie learns her lesson, tones it down a bit, and may eve end up not being miserable it all goes back to her ruining everything.
VastaKustutaAh well, will still gladly read; it's excellently written and paced. Deserves my humble 5 stars.
Guh. Trixie, Trixie, Trixie... Stealing from a god or goddess NEVER ends well.
VastaKustutaSome Ponies Just Want to Watch the World Burn.
VastaKustuta*sigh* Poor Trixie, I can understand Rainbow Dash but what Applejack did was just mean spirited. It seems Trixie just has an aura around her that makes people get agitated with her easily. I just hope everything works out in the end.
VastaKustutaAm I to assume that the torc isn't something that amplifies magic but instead restrains it? And that the reason Celestia wore it was because she had to take on much of Luna's power while she was sealed in order to move the moon and so she needed something to temper all the power until Luna could fully regain her own?
Applejack is a nice pony, but she's also the Element of Honesty. Trixie is pretty much the Element of Dishonesty, if such a thing were to exist.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaThat line got a good chuckle out of me.
Goddamn Trixie ruins EVERYTHING.
VastaKustuta@Specter Von Baren That's what I figured with the torc as well, it being a resistor / damper for when she opens herself up to the sun. Didn't occur to me it may be due to taking on Luna's power though. That must suck, being bound to that thing like she is.
VastaKustuta/agree on the way Trixie was treated, too. Grudge much, AJ? Crikey.
(I ofc mean that in the best possible way, I'm loving the characterizations in this story.)
Yeah, second fic in a row where AJ really goes overboard on her Trixie hate (though Rainbow's very perfect. I can easily see RD having that exact reaction)
VastaKustutaAs soon as I saw Trixie stealing the torc, I knew there was no way that it could possibly end well.
VastaKustutaAs far as AJ going overboard, I don't think the author is doing so. Look at AJ's response to Rainbow Dash's (from AJ's perspective) cheating during Fall Weather Friends. And RD is someone she likes. I don't see her reaction to someone like Trixie in this story out of line at all.
THE best fic sofar! 6 stars! Keep it up bro!
VastaKustutaAs soon as I saw Trixie stealing the torc, I knew there was no way that it could possibly end well.
VastaKustutaAs far as AJ going overboard, I don't think the author is doing so. Look at AJ's response to Rainbow Dash's (from AJ's perspective) cheating during Fall Weather Friends. And RD is someone she likes. I don't see her reaction to someone like Trixie in this story out of line at all.
This was utterly amazing. It's such a shame this doesn't have more comments.
VastaKustutaThis was utterly amazing. It's such a shame this doesn't have more comments.
VastaKustutaAwesome, loved how Celestia moved everyone else away to make sure there were no casualties from a blind teleport. Clearly, she loves her people a great deal. Can't wait for the next chapter!
VastaKustuta@Michael Hahn
VastaKustutaIt's the fact that Trixie wasn't doing anything boastful at the time aside from dancing, which lot's of people were doing, if she had been boasting about her dancing skills then I could understand, and it's been almost a year since she saw Trixie last, emotions cool with time, considering Applejack isn't an angry brooding person, I figure she would be less harsh with her talk. I understand she would still hold resentment but the amount just doesn't seem to fit to me.
Imaginative, suspenseful, and above all well written. Keep it up!
VastaKustutaThis is actually nothing like I was expecting it to be based on the description and the first few pages (to be frank, I half thought it would be Corona Blaze rehashed by a different author at first), so now I'm very interested in seeing what happens here.
VastaKustutaIn regards to Applejack in particular, her actions were a bit harsh but not what I would really call out of character. Simply seeing Trixie at a royal function supposedly reserved for friends of the government would probably piss AJ off on sheer principle, I would imagine; because I can understand why AJ would think Trixie got in using some form of deceit.
@TenchiFreak5
VastaKustutaHhm... I didn't consider the misgivings might originate from suspicion of how Trixie was even at the party to begin with.
I was like "Dash should really take an insurance policy out on her wings or something" before the story completely subverted my expectations again. I quite liked how that scene was used as a test of character for her.
VastaKustutaSo then, who's going to write a story where Fluttershy loses her wings? :P
VastaKustutaGreat story, keep em coming. It really has me very curious about Luna...
This is really good because it keeps surprising me. The last update has just bumped up my rating. Keep up the great work.
VastaKustutaGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I want more!
VastaKustutaHmm I wonder what payment Luna owes the stars? Also, given Celestia's origin in this story what is Luna's origin and how did they first meet?
VastaKustutaBrilliant! Absolute and utter dramatic brilliance!
VastaKustutaThis is one if the best stories I've ever read, maybe even as good as Past Sins! (Past Sins is still the best, though;)
@Stephen Cawking
VastaKustutaWhat did her "meddling" have to do with Trixie stealing her torc?
WHY isn't there more of this? this is WONDERFUL!
VastaKustutaUnfortunately, there isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said. 5 stars and +1 request for moar.
VastaKustuta*grumbles at yet another evil author*
VastaKustutaWhy don't good stories like this get more comments? :/
@Melodia
VastaKustutaThe Michael Bay parody I wrote had over a hundred comments within 24 hours. It now has more comments than every other story I've written put together.
I just take it in stride. There's no way to predict what catches on.
Also, the final Michael Bay story will be out this weekend!
I wonder why it fused to her skin... Ugh... waiting for the next chapter is painful. Things are not going to be fun for Trixie when everyone finds out what's going on...
VastaKustuta@Specter Von Baren It's unsurprising that the torc would work differently for a unicorn, even a magically talented one like Trixie, than it does for the sun goddess!
VastaKustutaI'm torn; on one hand, I feel a lot of sympathy for Trixie's situation (the comment about her being used to waking up and finding herself regretting last night's decisions way too late to do anything about it rang very true!), but on the other hand she did bring it all upon herself and Equestria, and I'm interested in seeing some comeuppance.
In any case, this is an excellent story!
@Lurks-no-More
VastaKustutaI just hope things work out in the end. I'd hate to see this end with Trixie just being sent off in disgrace with everyone hating her. Despite whether or not she merits some of it. Ya know?
@Specter Von Baren
VastaKustutaIt's very possible that it fuses itself with Celestia. So it cannot fall off during the day.
She probably uses magic to remove it.
Just FYI folks, the next chapter will be delayed a few days due to some business travel. I'm also working on the final chapter of the "Michael Bay Presents" trilogy, which will go up this weekend-ish.
VastaKustutaMan I really liked this story! I thought it dissapeered for some time, I'm glad to see it resurface. Please update soon, I really like reading it, I'm just usually not the commenting type.
VastaKustutaBefore I read this I want to ask whether it is to be consider grimdark or not(and for comparison, I find Past Sins grimdark).
VastaKustutaIt's not gruesome or anything, it has some minor peril and some dangerous situations, but nothing over the top. If I actually had to rate this fic it would be PG or PG 13... not all that bad.
VastaKustutaI... actually feel sorry for Trixie.
VastaKustutaIt was a stupid thing to do, taking the torc, of course. A moment of weakness and all that.
But she really had no idea.
@monkeyshine89
VastaKustutaI've been writing this story at the same time I've been writing the Michael Bay Presents stories, so the updates are a bit further apart than they should be. The final Michael Bay story will be up in a week or so, though, then it will be back to TFLoD all the time.
So now Celly knows (roughly) where it is, and Trixie is currently too terrified to think straight regarding what to do?
VastaKustutaOh boy.
Hhm... But why didn't Celestia tell them that her Torc was missing and that that was why she was going "nuts"? I'm sure it wouldn't have taken long to say, "I need my torc".
VastaKustuta*sigh* And next chapter, things get revealed.
@Saintspirit
VastaKustutaMy knee-jerk reaction is to say "No, this isn't grimdark. If it were I would have used that tag."
However, if you found Past Sins to be grimdark... well shoot. Maybe? That's a pretty low bar.
There's ponies getting hurt, but nothing gruesome. Dangerous situations. Some property damage.
Poor Trixie.
VastaKustutaEven if she doesn't get immolated or whatever and the torc stuff all resolves somehow, she'll still have the guilt of having being responsible for the destruction of Canterlot, and to a lesser extent Appleloosa. I wonder how much kitchen duty that'd be?
The fic felt it started a little slowly, which may be why it hasn't got the comments expected (People read the first chapter or two and move on?). However, the recent 3 have been really good, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
@Heliotrope
VastaKustutaThere will be about a week's delay in posting the next chapter of TFLoD. I have a research paper that needs to be written, and unfortunately it takes precedence over ponies.
Until then, consider reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Monsters, a fun little bittersweet tale that jumped into my head and wouldn't leave until I wrote it down.
I--FUCKING--HATE--CLIFFHANGERS! *eye twitch*
VastaKustutaChapter was beyond awesome. I couldn't keep myself from being giddy when Luna confronted Trixie...
But me and cliffhangers man...we're mortal enemies...
At this point the moon might be the safest place for Trixie, for hell hath no fury like a goddess betrayed
VastaKustutaAnd I'll reiterate - Poor Trixie.
VastaKustutaSome spoilers/speculation follows, so consider yourself warned.
Firstly, the meeting between Trixie and Luna was suitably awesome. Bravo! You really conveyed the pissed-off Luna thing and the guilty-to-terrified-to-despairing Trixie.
(Luna attempting de-torcification of Trixie) Ouch. Sure Trixie has messed up in a truly epic fashion, but be the better pony Luna, Trixie hasn't lead to any deaths yet.
Trixie must have a concrete skeleton, getting "slammed into the wall with the force of a runaway train". Either that or the torc has some sort of rejuvenating property. Hmmm.
I can't help but wonder how Trixie is going to cope going forward. She can't hide, she can't get rid of the torc, Luna has demonstrated the extent in which she's willing to go to part Trixie and torc, and Trixie is in unfamiliar lands.
With such a scenario, what can she do?
Run? Nope, Luna can fly, and besides has extreme goddess powers. (Although they may have taken a hit from the torc backlash)
Hide? Nope, Luna has her homing beacon spell (which Trixie may not know about, but may suspect following abrupt hotel discovery) and Celestia has her torc homing beacon.
Fight? Pfffttt. She can't even magic at the moment.
Even if Luna is comatose, Celestia is closing in and Trixie appears to be nearing her wits end.
To sum up: Between a rock and a hard place here, Trixie.
Perhaps Trixies best option is to actually seek out Celestia. If anyone can help before another city burns, it's likely to be the owner of said torc. (I wonder if the torc could protect Trixie from burning in 'Sunlight Celestia's' presence). She's unlikely to get a positive reaction from anyone, and probably a big ol' bag of hate from Twilight and co. But on the otherhand(hoof?) at least she could later claim to have tried to fix things once everything started going pear-shaped.
-Reads tags- Still not grimdark, so maybe Trixie is going to merely be banished to the moon, or sun, or petrified and turned into a statue by Celestia. Something like that...
And now I go and attempt to sneak in reading 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Monsters' whilst at work. Wish me luck!
Reminds me of Shadow the Hedgehog's inhibitor rings. Without them, his Chaos energy can run out of control, causing destruction on a massive scale.
VastaKustutahttp://archiesonic.wikia.com/wiki/Inhibitor_Rings
Brilliant story... really hope you have the inclination/chance to update this!
VastaKustutaWell there's a surprise update. I was just thinking about this one not too long ago as well.
VastaKustutaAnd the end of this chapter....it looks like you played a Freaky Friday here....poor Twilight, oh boy.
Poor Twilight... and Trixie... and Luna...
VastaKustutaDamn. I thought this was going to get a bit happier. Still fantastically written as always, though.
So now we get to do some Lotus Eater-ing? Awesome.
VastaKustuta