Author: DandT
Description: Rainbow Dash gets another chance to meet with Spitfire but things don't go quite as expected.Fire and Rainbows Part 1
Fire and Rainbows Part 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Rejection, Self Discovery, Acceptance, Love
Tellimine:
Postituse kommentaarid (Atom)
123 kommentaari:
First
VastaKustutaRainbow Dash gets another chance to meet with Spitfire but things don't quite as expected.
VastaKustutaHas anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Why does it seem like there've been almost no fics of this ship?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaHe dun goofed.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaThere has been one and a half before this.
Instantly decided to read this fic to WALKING ON SUNSHINE for absolutely no reason =D
VastaKustuta@Narwhals' Bend
VastaKustutaHe really dun goofed.
More of a ship I wrote as well~
VastaKustutayay~
I like where this is going so far, but two things annoyed me: 1. I felt as though the use of character catch phrases was a bit to much, especially with Rarity's "You must..." thing. It seemed a little bit forced at that point. 2. Watch sentence structure and comma use. If I had more time now, I'd point out some examples.
VastaKustutaGood start, looking forward to the next part.
Decent...
VastaKustutaI want more.
"Rainbow Dash gets another chance to meet with Spitfire but things don't quite as expected."
VastaKustutaThey end up fucking the shit out of each other.
Oh, please, another Rainbow Dash shipfi-
VastaKustutaDid you say Spitfire? *saves to HD*
looking forward to chapter 2. :3
VastaKustuta@DSNesmith
VastaKustutalol.
There needs to be a lot more Dashfire fic...
I like where this is going...
VastaKustutaSeriously, though; what he hell is with Spitfire's eyelids? The look like they're metallic!
VastaKustuta@SuperGiantRobot
VastaKustutaMakeup?
I heartily aprove of the notion. Will read latter. Cant wait for the continued chapters.
VastaKustuta(I sorta want to see Lunafire just because its such a cool name. Lunafire. Moonfire is a tad cooler though, but that implies either NM or the shadowbolts...)
"she's [Applejack] been together with my other friend Fluttershy for a while now."
VastaKustutaWait, shipping within shipping? Anyway, this story looks nice, can't wait for more. Good work!
@Narwhals' Bend All the time?
VastaKustutaIt feels kind of stiff; all the prose is more you telling us what's going on, and less what is actually happening. "Show, don't tell" is an important principle.
VastaKustutaDuring some of the discussion during the date, you seemingly jumped to Spitfire's thoughts quickly, using only "she," and it was incredibly hard to figure out there had even been a change. This is the only big issue, but stuff like it is apparent through-out the entire work: all of your dialog is somepony saying something, followed with some body language or inflection. Every single line of dialog I think except two is in that style. It gets super repetitive.
I just didn't like this. I love the ship but this seems really rushed, and man that silent auction thing is just kind of out of nowhere isn't it?
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaI have to agree on this one. It was good, it just wasn't... great. I got bored pretty quickly, except for one or two places. You seemed to have picked up a fairly good style in the last third of the piece, until the last couple of sentences. 3/5, would consider again.
So far I really like the pacing, It's not too fast and not too slow. It's just right for a shipping story.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaNarwhal's is pulling your leg; there's two before this.
Mine totally counts as one. I swear.
Will there be any more or does it end at this????
VastaKustuta@punchline
VastaKustutaRead the tags.
Jeez.
Does anything that includes Spitfire or Soaren have to be shipping?
VastaKustutaYesssss, my favorite ship 8'D
VastaKustuta-gets to reading ASAP-
@BagOfChips
VastaKustutaYES! Everybody must feel the love goddammit! Alright, the show has no romance, so it's the fans duty to make the community 90% shipping!
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
VastaKustutaI know, but I have like a combined twenty fanarts of Soaren and Spitfire that aren't blatant shipping >_>
@BagOfChips
VastaKustutaToo bad, THIS IS BRONYDOM, BITCH! We don't take to kindly to your friendly request to have none shipping material.
Yessir.
VastaKustutaI like it so far. There definitely needs to be more Rainbowfire stories.
VastaKustutawhy not just make a love triangle with Soarin,Spitfire,& RainbowDash? with some The Room plot thrown in for good measure oh and pie cause Soarin!
VastaKustutalulz i could see even though i dont want too 囧, Soarin Sticking his d**k in the pie
I didn't think it was that badly written, outside the fact it seems like it could be more descriptive....but so far there's no, ah, how to put it? It doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. If there was nothing about "things don't go quite as expected", my answer to the fic's ending would be "so?"....or something.
VastaKustutaStill, interested to see where it's going.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI was thinking the same thing. I've seen several subversions of it and a few ones that did it up as a joke before not going through with it. And when I posted about it earlier today I used different words to describe it, but I think the "one and a half" mentioned by Narwhal's Bend is a much better way to describe it.
Sorry NinesTempest. :p
The grammar errors really threw me out of the story. A few commas, clean up the run-on sentences... Hell, I always cut and paste my stories into Microsoft Word for spelling and grammar before I finalize it.
VastaKustutaOther than that, not a bad read. Not the best, but not bad.
Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony said... A BUNCH OF TEDIOUSLY PREDICTABLE SARCASTIC STEREOTYPES, AS USUAL.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous Ignore him, seriously, it's not worth the energy to even reply unless he's... lucid.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaThanks for the comments people, especially those with criticism, I'll take note of them for the next chapter.
VastaKustutaI know there's a few things from out the left field, that's mostly down to bad planning on my behalf. It wasn't originally planned as a multipart story but I got a bit carried away and ended up with 2 pages just planning the story out which probably would have resulted in one massive single chapter.
@ToonNinja
I think it goes to show that years and years of using the Internet has totally destroyed my proper use of grammar :( And that OpenOffice sucks at picking it up.
I would strongly recommend a thorough proofreading. Also, if you can, I would suggest getting yourself a beta reader/editor. I started reading this, but I couldn't make it much past the first paragraph. The bad grammar was just too distracting.
VastaKustutaI'll probably try to read this again, when I have a bit more time and patience.
I'm sorry I can't provide more feedback at this point. But please keep in mind that I don't want to discourage you in any way. Paying heed to grammar will go a long way in improving your stories, and I'm confident it's something you can pick up with a little bit of work and determination.
Well, i finally read it. Its certainly not bad, but its obvious that you don't have much experience with this yet. Dont worry, you can only get better.
VastaKustutaGood luck, and may the ship be with you.
Good read, there are some grammar errors that caught me off guard as others have said, but good read over all.
VastaKustutaThis has a lot of potential, but the lack of editing is a bit off putting. As I read it, I ended up having to cut out some words in my head in order to make it flow better.
VastaKustutaPlease don't take this the wrong way. I'm a writer as well, and I know sometimes the eagerness to submit your work can get in the way of taking the time to do a proper edit. Also, getting an outside opinion can help a lot. I'd highly recommend getting an editor.
If you want, you can shoot me an email at [email protected]. I'd be more than happy to proofread for you, both as a fellow writer and a Dashfire shipper :)
omg i want part 2 :3
VastaKustutaJust had a weird moment. When it mentioned FlutterJack, My mind reeled for a good ten seconds trying to recall if this fic was somehow related toany of the other FlutterJack fics. And I've come to the conclusion 'maybe'
VastaKustuta@Anonymous Nah, comments like yours only make me more determined to make everything else better, not stop.
VastaKustutaMain problem is this is the first bit of creative writing I've done in about 15+ years and it's rather obvious I don't remember as much as I thought I did.
Oh Dave... You really are a hoot. Sometimes I read your comments and think "pompous bastard" and other times I read them and think "BA HAHAHAHA! ... Good point." Your first comment on this story was of the latter variety, while your most recent is of the former. I haven't read the story yet, so I don't rightly know if you had a good point, but the few Dashfire fics I've read go like that so I chuckled. And why am I typing this, its not like you care what I think :p
VastaKustuta@DandT
VastaKustutaI sat down to read this again, and was able to finish it. I wanted to say that I like the content and ideas of this story. It's good stuff, and I'm interested to see where it will be going. Tackle the grammar issues, and you will have yourself a decent/sound fanfic series.
Well, I personally enjoyed this first chapter and I anticipate the next. Really like the style, and don't worry about the sort of out-of-nowhere thing with the silent auction; had you actually done anything different than that you probably would have to make a whole back story to it which would have just delayed the release of this good ship-fic. Good job on this though i enjoyed it thoroughly and plan to read the rest.
VastaKustutaDudeeeee need chapter two like nowww !! :)
VastaKustutaMOAR. Because MOAR.
VastaKustutaI like where this is going. I demand more.
VastaKustutaoh man i need some chapter two up in here...
VastaKustutaWe need moooooore infos!
VastaKustutaDude where is the next chapter? Come on, don't give up this is among my favorite ships I've read so far! PLEEEASE!!!!
VastaKustuta#best ship. just sayin.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaIndeed! And I was hoping he was gone...
New to the fandom. Though I could have a stab at it, could somepony define "Shipping"?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous Shipping is a term for a type of fanfiction that pairs together two characters from the show that haven't actually shown romantic interest in each other. In this case the pairing of Rainbow Dash and Spitfire.
VastaKustutaIt'll be interesting to see exactly what it is that caused Dash to be that upset.
VastaKustutaDash, NOT a Filly-Fooler?! That's a rare sight :P
VastaKustutaSeriously though, I like this story. It's another one of these stories that takes the everything slowly, enabling you to enjoy it all. I do like Soarin in this story, I like his cheekiness. Looking forward to seeing where you take this.
Chapter 3 now!!
VastaKustutaYou really need to work on your sentences. They are to long. Some sentences need to be broken up, others need comma's.
VastaKustutaSoarin's reaction to Spitfire's confession is a bit odd. He's basically saying she should continue chasing Rainbow, regardless of whether she likes mares or not.
The sentence thing makes it really hard to enjoy the story, but other then that its not bad. I enjoyed Soarin's dialogue enough.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaEnjoying it so far. Keep us updated!
VastaKustuta@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaI think you are the most annoying brony I know yet.
Anyway, Dashfire's always good, so I'll get to it.
oh.. this is a good story. Really.
VastaKustutaWhat took me off was the direct "SHE" statement made by Spitfire.
Maybe proofread next time okay?
But I wanna see how you will go into the story. :D
Eugh, chapter 2.
VastaKustutaTransition was /way/ too fast. It went from a kiss to, in 3 3-sentence paragraphs, Spitfire being full of regret and sadness. Yet we're basically told this, and not shown it very well. Pacing went to hell after this. Kind of like the first chapter.
NO COMMAS USE COMMAS, PLEASE. Your dialog is... like, average, but man it needs commas. It's really hard to read right now. It feels like a bunch of run-on sentences.
Eugh, I like the subject matter but it... isn't done very well. Oh well.
Soarin made me laugh. Now that there's a stallion!
VastaKustutaUnfortunately needs to be longer which allow for more detail in each sequence. Would also make it a better and longer read! much more enjoyable!
VastaKustutaFantastic job! Keep it up :)
VastaKustutaHURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!
VastaKustutaPacing is a little out of whack. I will say this, though: Soarin made me chuckle.
VastaKustutaSoarin' is a pervert motherfucker.
VastaKustutaAnd I didnt knew that there was booze on Equestria. Guess that makes equestria 20% cooler.
Pacing was quite fast, but you managed to pull it together towards the end.
VastaKustutaAlso, Soarins comment made me laugh, as I said the same thing once to one of my lesbian friends when they came out.
Sweet Celestia...A shipfic where Rainbow Dash ISN'T a lesbian? WHAAT?!?
VastaKustuta@Shadow Dragon
VastaKustuta(whoops, forgot to actually TYPE something)
VastaKustuta@Shadow Dragon
Actually usually shipping refers to ANY pairing, no matter if it's canon or not. Both TVTropes and Wikipedia seem to lay it out this way, anyway, and I've certainly seen the term used for very obvious canon One-True-Pairing couples.
You need to write this quicker .
VastaKustutaIt's been forever since part 1, now i've read this I want part 3 !!!
@PewnyPL SHIPCEPTION
VastaKustutayo dawg, I heard you like shipping
This makes the second My Little Pony fic that I've read, the first being NinesTempest's "With a Spark", both of which are RainbowDash and SpitFire shipping fics. That being said I must say that I liked "With a Spark" more, mainly in part because the story was a single, standalone, piece and the story was short and very well paced.
VastaKustutaHowever this work has potential to be just as good, the placement of Spitfire as the instigator of the romance, while RD seems to be a "straight arrow" (if you'll pardon the horrible pun) is rather interesting and honestly surprising. As I said to NinesTempest before, "I've honestly kept myself from reading MLP: FIM fics out of fear of either degrading or pathetic writing i.e. turning Dash into some form of lesbian pimp." This fic continues and expanse on the notion that not everyone here wants to see Rainbow getting into everypony's proverbial pants.
Having read through many of the comments above, I can't really give any constructive criticism without literally parroting their critics. I will say this, you're story did take hold of me and held my attention until I had finished it, a feat not many works can claim. You have potential and there's apparent evidence that you have skills. Take what's been said here and apply it to your work, experiment and see what works for you and what doesn't. I cannot stress how much you should not let any of this be taken as negative. You have potential and it's up to you to see it through.
I'm sorry. I just couldn't finish the story.
VastaKustutaThe lack of punctuation and grammatical errors just ruined it for me.
Ok, so it seems I'm still crap with grammar. I'll see if I can get someone to look at the next chapter because I'm obviously missing stuff that others aren't.
VastaKustutaI actually liked it a lot. The grammar didn't bother me 1 bit. It was still very easy to tell what was going on. I'd love to see more.
VastaKustutaI can see that quite a few people are enjoying it but if some people are saying that it's totally unreadable because of my grammar then I'd like to know what's going on.
VastaKustutaJust do a part 3 like everyone wants and get some one to read it over and check grammar and stuff like that. But mainly.....DO A PART 3!
VastaKustutaOh there's going to be a part 3 whether it's totally unreadable to some or not. Just need to figure out if I can fit Soarin' back in now seeing as he went down better than expected.
VastaKustutaWell this was very nice to read. I haven't seen any fanfics of DashFire until now, and I enjoyed reading it. Soarin' did make me chuckle, and you do have some grammar mistakes that should be looked at.
VastaKustutaOther than that, I'm keeping up-to-date on this. I wanna see how this all turns out.
I liked it. I like the plot, and I want to see more parts. The only thing that seemed a bit ... off to me were the dialogues. Sometimes they sounded to... made up. But I didn't care, since it was well written after all and there isn't anything better than DashFire. :D
VastaKustutawell i'm hooked
VastaKustutaPlease hurry with part 3. This is 1 of my favorite fanfics so far!
VastaKustutaI'm not much of a big fanfic reader, but I like this. moar plz
VastaKustutaI think the dialogues are a tiny bit...forced? But otherwise I'm really liking this story and I hope you write more :-)
VastaKustutaDialogue seems a bit awkward to me, can't put my finger on it to offer you constructive criticism though.
VastaKustutaAside from that, 4/5. And now, obligatory phrase time.
Moar plox.
Gahhh... want more
VastaKustutaOne of my favorite ship fics I've read in a while. Please publish part 3 as soon as possible
VastaKustutaOne of my favorites, checkin every day for Chapter 3. Also, i fell of my chair laughing at Soarins line. You know the one
VastaKustutaI like were this Story Fire and Rainbows is going plz make more chapters
VastaKustutaI'm not a big fan of shipping, however I found this a good read, looking forward to part 3, keep it up!
VastaKustutaY U NO update?
VastaKustutaSoarin's advice to Spitfire
VastaKustutamade me go TROLOLOLOL out loud.
seriously, funniest thing I've ever heard on this subject. I actually said it to one of my girls (one of my close girl friends) after i'd heard rumors about her being a lesbian. snapped her RIGHT out of depression XD. well she did slap me but it was worth it to see she's feeling better.
Make more chapters and I wil <3 you!
VastaKustutaWE DEMAND MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!! it's a gem to find dash spitfire shipping!
VastaKustutaლ(ಠ益ಠლ)Y U NO MAKE MORE CHAPTERS!!!
VastaKustutaWhat the ponies above me stated.
VastaKustutaif DandT is not posting any new chapters and here are the maybe reasons why
VastaKustuta1)Busy with social life such as school/college
2)Not enough time for anything especially writing
3)Not enough ideas or layout of the next chapter to be produced
4)Or either his computer/laptop is busted and maybe need a new one?
5)Maybe he needs an Editor for spelling grammar check etc,
It would be cool if i was his editor so can tweak n fix it up and BAM. another chapter loaded by him lol
Hey all, just you let you that in InFamous Spartan is pretty much correct with 1 and 2, I've just started a new job and it's taken up pretty much all my spare time but don't worry, I WILL finish this fic.
VastaKustuta@DandT Please do, I've been waiting for a very long time fir this to finish D:
VastaKustutaPlease just write the other/final chapter(s) D:
VastaKustutaIs this still alive?
VastaKustutaNone of the really good dashfire fics get finished =(
VastaKustutachapter 3
VastaKustutaThis NEEDS a Chapter 3
VastaKustutaCHAPTER 3 PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE D:
VastaKustutawhen is the next one due?
VastaKustutaTouches the heart, it is just awesome I got connected with the character through her eyes and felt her feelings, just work on your grammar that kind of spoils the mood
VastaKustutaNeed. Chapter... 3
VastaKustutaplease, for celestias sake.
VastaKustutawrite another chapter :'(
Please chapter 3 i wanna know what happens :'(
VastaKustutaLoving it do far thanks for the read and I'm looking forward for more :D
VastaKustutaLoving it do far thanks for the read and I'm looking forward for more :D
VastaKustuta