• Story: The Elder Scrolls: Equestria (Update Part 4!)

    [Crossover][Adventure] OC Ponies! Elder Scrolls! This calls for my favorite Oc pony.

    Author: Eamon Valda
    Description: It is the final days of the Third Era of Equestria, and mysterious events are taking place. How does one pony, scheduled for execution, fit in? Set in an alternative Equestria (that resembles the land of Tamriel both socially and geographically), one pony must realise their true potential, and bring about the end of an era... for better or for worse.
    The Elder Scrolls: Equestria Links Below (New Chapter 4!)

       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

    Additional Tags: The Elder Scrolls, Quest, Alternate, OC Ponies, Long

    45 comments:

    1. Pinkamina Diane PieJuly 20, 2011 at 12:14 PM

      inb4 second

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    2. Pinkamina Diane PieJuly 20, 2011 at 12:15 PM

      inb4 third

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    3. Pinkamina Diane PieJuly 20, 2011 at 12:16 PM

      inb4 fourth

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    4. Pinkamina Diane PieJuly 20, 2011 at 12:18 PM

      inb4 fifth

      I'm a parasprite nao! /)^3^(\

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    5. Crap and I wanted to do things today. T_T


      Curse you fanfic writers!!!

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    6. Oh my god! I'm going to love this! With this and Fallout: Equestria, my summer is complete!

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    7. This is where Valmir would be happy :)

      I can see him now, running through Equestria while pummeling Bandits and Undead with his hooves and mace! Haha, Dismiss undead bitchez.

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    8. the first oblivion crossover was epic, to bad the author abandoned it

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    9. must...read...exploding fücks...obivion!!!!!

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    10. Wow, I was just playing Oblivion prior to coming on here. Second time in a week that's happened. Awesome.

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    11. Ooooh YES come to pappa sweet fanfic.

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    12. Wut? My favorite series The Elder Scrolls combined with Ponies? Hmm...do want.

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    13. @Anonymous

      Hardly epic. The writer didn't do too much with it. Only got two chapters in, didn't it.

      Regardless, pllleeeaaasseee see this one through to the end. Thank you :-)

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    14. You might have noticed by my name (Sotha Sil) that I am a HUGE fan of The Elder Scrolls (especially Morrowind). But even though this story takes place around the same time as Oblivion, I can't wait to read it.

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    15. @Fifth Alicorn

      I sure as peas intend to. I've been itching to do some proper writing for ages; I've been stuck writing a bunch of short stories lately and they've been getting me depressed because I want an overarching plot line. Thanks all for the positive feedback; I'll just keep on keeping on then, shall I?

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    16. @Fifth Alicorn

      Also, do you have any idea where a copy of this other fic could be found? I've never actually heard of it, myself, but I'd be interested in looking at it for insights into a pony-fied Tamriel.

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    17. Good Celestia, my picture changed between comments! What sorcery is this?

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    18. Wow, I've a feeling this will rival Fallout: Equestria. Feeling competetive are we? I'm sure Kkat won't mind. (Not to mention Bethesda having all their work being turned into Pony-Fics)

      Anyways, it's really quite nice. I hope you make this as epic as it is intended to be. Many a chapter long and something to compete with FOE! Looking forward to more.

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    19. http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/story-pony-scrolls-oblivion.html

      link to first oblivion fic

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    20. ooooh....I like. Do very much want

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    21. The puns are just hilarious. And the little stories and explanations for various aspects of the world are a great touch too (e.g. Braevil).

      As a regular Khajiit, I must say that I appreciate Elsmayr, and am very happy that you used it in your story. It is such an underappreciated province.

      I've always wanted an Elder Scrolls game taking place in Elsweyr/Valenwood, with an expansion into the Black Marsh. That would be amazing.

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    22. 6 stars... wait, this is on a level with you-know-what? (That fic has more or less taken over my brain, I am unashamed to say.)

      Fine, I'll give this a shot.

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    23. The only reason I haven't put this down yet is because it's an Oblivion crossover game. I'm sad to say that I have absolutely no idea where this story is going, and only because I'm a patient fellow is why I haven't 3-starred this yet. I'm really hoping for some story development in chapter 4, or else I'll have to stop reading. I'm not attempting rudeness, just trying to give it to you straight

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    24. @Fifth Alicorn

      That's perfectly fine; great, even. Thanks for the feedback, because it means I know where to focus my attention. And I can probably push the development I had planned forward a chapter or so, so I'll give it a shot and try to incorporate it ASAP.

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    25. Yes. Yes, this will do nicely.

      If you're definitely serious about undertaking a behemoth like this then I'm in for the long haul. I freaking love TES, along with a certain other bethesda property that may have been given a little of this brand of attention. Sorry, don't mean to draw comparisons right out of the stable, but I'm just sayin'. You've got your work cut out.

      One thing I would say: try to make your chapters longer. I can't really see how I won't love whatever you do with this, but it feels like as soon as I really start to get that lovely feeling where the words on the page utterly override all other aspects of reality then I'm "ejected" out by the end of the chapter.

      Oh, and I did have to raise my eyebrow at the swearing. Not that I disapprove; my words were along similar lines the first time an undead abomination came lumbering at me out of nowhere in an Aylied ruin, the language itself just seems a little out of place given the setting, although the lack of forceful expletives in either the poni or TES universes does present its own problem. If you wanna roll with it, that's cool. Just jarred me out of the story for a second is all.

      Um. Sorry for rambling.

      And really now. A necromancer on the team? Those guys are always evil! Somepony's gonna end up in a black soul gem or turned into a worm thrall before we hit chapter 7, mark my words... Anyway, good so far, can't wait for more!

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    26. @Bronode

      Rambling? I LOVE rambling! But that's a story for another time. I agree that I'd like the chapters to be longer, it's just that it's been snowing here a lot lately, and we haven't had proper snow for YEARS, sooo y'know...

      Weather's cleared up now though.

      Darn ;)

      Oh, and thanks for your thoughts. I'm actually compiling a list of things I want to actively work on, so I can just add suggestions like these to it. It's surprisingly useful!

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    27. Hmm, I just realised another (possibly better) name for my work might have been The Equestria(n) Scrolls! That would have worked as an acronym too... I always think of these things too late.

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    28. Seems really nice. I'm not really sure what province this will take place in, but will it contain the racism of Morrowind? Or is this more Oblivion? Or is this just another story pertaining to the Elder Scrolls pony style?

      Anyways, i like the characters, although Cavalier seems like a bit of an asshole. But then, that is leadership :P

      ps:Sil is an asshat

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    29. Why did he leave the party? you never leave the party unless you are: greedy and have a death wish or a rouge scouting ahead.

      Were the other prisoners just bit players, because leaving them behind in my mind is a mistake both gameplay and story-wise

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    30. It appears that the links to the chapters are incorrectly labeled. Link 1 is actually to the prologue, 2 is to chapter 1, and so on.

      It should be Prologue, 1, 2, 3.

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    31. I was a little bit skeptical until chapter 4, but I've been hooked. I'll definitely be on the lookout for future updates.

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    32. Boo, I had to re-login and I lost my post. Either that, or it's taking the longest time to show up. So either you get this one, or a semi-coherent post AND this one.

      Anyways, Fifth Alicorn here again.
      Chapter 4 was a refreshing step in the right direction. I'm glad that my previous comment was taken into consideration. It's always good to know that a writer takes his readers thoughts seriously.

      Not much wrong with this chapter, I'm pleased to say. A few grammatical errors here and there, but we're all pony, sorry for the bad pun. And speaking of puns, Corral made my parts happy, and of course Braevil.

      Going back to that 'refreshing step', I'm glad to see that the plotline is finally starting to come out of hiding. It's clearly starting to run parallel to what we all know from TES: Oblivion, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how you continue with this story. Yup, I backed down from my threat to stop reading because you managed to pique my interest. Good job :-)

      Well, I believe that I am losing coherence again, so I'll starting wrapping up. Good job with your writing this time around, and I can't wait for more.

      ~Fifth Alicorn

      P.S. I apologize for any perceived harshness you may have gotten from my earlier comment. As an amateur writer (hoping to start my first ponyfic soon), I appreciate the value of constructive criticism, and I just like to pass on the sentiment. Good luck!

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    33. @Eamon Valda

      Two things
      1) My original comment didn't post, so you get the above one
      2) I just now saw the comment that this one is linked to. I went and dug up the ponyfic in question. Don't even bother reading it, it literally isn't anything worth reading. The story doesn't even get into the Elder Scrolls universe. Regardless, here you go
      http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/story-pony-scrolls-oblivion.html

      ~Fifth Alicorn

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    34. Ugh~ I'm guessing the errors are a result of writing at midnight. I'll run an check now, and write a little more organised-ly from now.

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    35. I have to agree with what GIR said in that I'm a little puzzled as to why Cavalier's by his lonesome now. I know I'm drawing slightly unfair comparisons again here, but one of the biggest draws of Fallout: Equestria was the interplay between the party characters and it seems like you're limiting your narrative arsenal by having a lone protagonist. I was looking forward to Silenus plumbing the depths of assholery with the others.

      Unless you're just screwing with us and he'll meet back with his party fairly soonish, in which case ignore my words and play on.

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    36. I think the dialog could use some touching-up. It just comes across as unnatural a bit too often to forgive and ignore.

      Cavalier himself is somewhat inconsistent as well: He's frustrated by poverty, so he ran away...to go adventuring, spelunking and smuggle skooma components. How does this help the destitute?

      Some other bits could use some work too:
      Chapter one;
      --"Recoiling with a gasp, I realised that it was forbidden blackfire, an ancient magic prohibited in use by just about everypony because of its incredibly dangerous power. I had thought that nopony knew it anymore; that it had been forgotten and thus made safe. Well, apparently not; and here was the proof. "
      So...if it's supposed to be forgotten, how did he know what it was?
      --The whole thing with them explaining their life stories to one another...yeah, no. Even if they did hold things back, it stretches my suspension of disbelief to think they would open up so quickly among complete strangers. (Also, from a technical viewpoint, that sort of info dump just breaks the whole flow of the story.)
      --Another thing that wears at my SoD--Swift just oh so conveniently finding food just when they happen to decide to camp.

      Chapter two;
      --Sil's "logic" that deduced it was cultists who attacked is...something, but it isn't logic. Other characters also make astounding leaps in their thought processes at times, like Brother Hoof.

      Chapter three;
      --"returned the item to the collector who paid us enough for 25 bits or so each and informed us that he’d be sending them to Canterlot" This confuses me. So...did the collector pay them in something other than bits that was worth ~25 bits and sent it Canterlot, or did he pay them actual bits? And what was being sent to Canterlot, their payment or the item they retrieved? If the retrieved item, then why would he tell them that?
      --"There’d be no more of this weird dream business." He's only had one so far. Hardly a "business" of them in any sense.
      --"I don’t know exactly how to close this portal, but I know it can be done" 0.0 -.- 0.0 Uuuuuuuuh. So...he does, or he doesn't know?

      Details in the story also feel kind of clumped at the moment, I'd suggest trying to spread them out a bit more and add a few more small ones.

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    37. @Sebiale

      Thanks for your feedback. Obviously with a lot of your points, it's difficult to incorporate them at this stage; it is true that some areas of my writing could perhaps be misread and thus be construed to have a different meaning than that intended. With this, though, there is little that can be done, except to perhaps synonymise certain phrases to increase their specificity. However, it is not always such phrases can be picked up before being released, of course. Regardless, in regards (that's a mouthful) to your suggestions that could be incorporated in future, I will look into.

      -Eamon Valda

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    38. It also seems prudent to mention that I agree with you on many counts; let it simply be said that I no longer am writing what I began writing, and unfortunately as such I am left with some ends fixed where I would have them loose and vice-versa.

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    39. Swift finding food at the camp is a nod to the games; food items, usually perishable ones, can be found inexplicably stored at more or less every camp in Cyrodiil.

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