[Normal][Shipping] "Were I to meet the author in a bar, he would not pay for a single
drink that night."-Pre-reader 21
Author: Cloudy Skies
Description: Rainbow Dash is torn between fulfilling her dreams and acting on her feelings for Twilight Sparkle. Does Twilight not feel the same way, or is she simply oblivious to Rainbow's intentions?Building Bridges
Additional Tags: tender, Romantic, Cute, Suspense, Divebombing'
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128 comments:
FIRST!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I'll check this out.
ReplyDeleteYay Twidash! There's not nearly enough of that. :D *goes to read*
ReplyDeleteWow, that actually worked...
ReplyDeleteanyway, sounds good. Ill be sure to read it when i get the chance.
lul the pre reader
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic story. Beautiful, thoughtful, everypony is ridiculously in character and it's even a lesser done ship. It addresses every issue with both characters; the implications of love, lack of realization, Dash's motivations and Twilight's ignorance, and does it all well while slowing down and speeding up the action when needed.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic piece. Also yay beating someone to the punch~
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteWow bro, you must speed-read like mad. Off to do my first read through, be back in an hour.
Ok, I gave it a shot, but it just couldn't hold my interest. I'm sure its good, but it's too slow-moving for my liking.
ReplyDeleteAs the beta-filly for this story, I just have to say that I am oh so proud of Cloudy. :D This story is fantastic - it has just enough jokes and little winks to the reader to stay mostly light-hearted, but has some real, honest emotion to it as well.
ReplyDeleteMOAR FIC, CLOUDY! MOAR FIC!
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I deserve the praise, but thank you, truly - I am especially glad to hear that I may've hit on the characters, as that was my greatest fear.
@C. Theron Vulpin
I realize that the slow buildup may not be everyone's thing, and that's fair, but if what put you off was something very early, could I beg of you to tell me what it was?
I'd love to know what I could do to improve upon my ability to snare the reader!
This looks very good, i'll have to make time for it
ReplyDeleteHoooo boy, this is long. Good thing I have a lot of time on my hands tonight!
ReplyDeleteThis was really cute. Well done, and please write more!
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteYou don't happen to live anywhere near Huntsville, Alabama do you? I wasn't kidding about buying your drinks.
I didn't think TwiDash could really work. And you not only have made it work, you made Dash absolutely adorable while doing it.
That pre-reader. I don't know a more flattering compliment.
ReplyDeleteReally, really great! :D I'll admit that the buildup was a little long for my tastes as I went through it (I came for a shipping fic, so I want shipping NOW, dangit! XP), but it ended up being absolutely worth it in the end. You did a great job capturing emotion and keeping all the ponies true to their character! And making it absolutely adorable. That's important. :D
ReplyDelete...eh.
ReplyDeleteSee, now I feel terrible for saying that after such a long fic. But honestly, that's the only emotion I can drum up right now. "Eh".
I'll give the author this: he's got talent. Some of the passages in this were excellently done, most particularly the one where Twilight considers her experiences with and thoughts about flight. But unfortunately, IMO those scenes were too few and too far between, and too often the prose devolved into an excessively formal, almost stuffy tone that, when I'm feeling more colloquial, I just call "thesaurus rape".
Perhaps the larger issue was that the tone was simply too inconsistent; it seemed to me that the author was going mostly for a somewhat advanced style (judging by word choice and sentence structure), which can be done quite effectively and poignantly...however, to do so is incredibly difficult and, frankly, not a type of writing that I personally prefer. If you're going to go for that kind of style, you absolutely must keep that style throughout. To use an example from the story, when you referred to the bridge over to the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters as being "spectularly cheerful" in a sarcastic manner, I had to do a double take because I wasn't expecting sarcasm at all, since the tone of the entire story preceding that moment didn't match that in the slightest. There's nothing wrong with being sarcastic, but you have to be consistent; when you write a whole story in very serious, intentionally evocative prose and then throw in one acerbic comment, the latter feels very out of place. I'll never be one to say I don't have trouble myself with choosing a style for a story to be written in, but I am going to call this as I see it.
I also have to object somewhat to Tempest's assertion that everyone was perfectly in character. I'll give you credit where credit is due for Fluttershy, AJ, and Pinkie, but the two major players...I think it was the dialogue that threw me off. Far too much of it didn't feel like something that would actually be said by real people. Again, I'll be the first to admit that writing realistic dialogue for these characters is a hell of a lot harder than anyone might think, but it wasn't even so much a problem with that as it was a problem with the words simply not clicking together well. To put it another way, when I read the story aloud to myself, too much of it was awkward and a bit too verbose for proper dialogue, even granting you the fact that Twilight is a nerd in every sense of the term. As far as fixing that goes, I'll give you the only piece of advice I know about dialogue, which is to speak it aloud as you're writing it so you can feel how it sounds coming out of your mouth. If it doesn't seem to feel right there, then it's a relatively easy matter to go back and tweak it until it does.
I think this is getting too long, so I'm gonna put Part 2 of this review in the next comment.
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, I suppose my biggest critique of the story is that I just couldn't get into it. I'll be honest: Twidash is tied with Appledash for my second-favorite ship (with Vinyldash taking first despite Vinyl not even having a canon personality; I'm special like that), so I definitely expected to be sucked into this, but...I don't know. The formatting was weird, and the first half seemed to drag on too long while the second half almost felt rushed a little bit. I could give any number of reasons, but I suppose I'd just come back to the same thing: it just didn't click for me. I just tried to point out some specifics so I wasn't just some jackass who just said "meh, could've been better" and didn't explain why he didn't like the story.
Ideally, I'd give this a 3.25 for a creative idea written out in occasionally engaging but mostly shaky prose, but since Blogger's a bit more basic than that, I'll have to round to a 3. I am interested to see what other kinds of things you can come out with, though; you have potential to be great, but you still have a lot of kinks to iron out before you reach my own personal criteria for 5-star material*.
*Look at me, with my "criteria" and shit. God, I'm a douchebag sometimes.
Awesome. Extremely well done, everyone was kept in character, and the story was adorable.
ReplyDeleteI'm still reading this and will finish it tomorrow. It's nice to read something by an author who clearly has an expansive vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteIf I had one quibble it would be that you seem to use a lot of qualifying or otherwise unnecessary words. Take this sentence:
"Unable to disagree with the logic, Twilight merely nodded, wincing a little as Dash..."
It could be shortened to:
"Unable to disagree, Twilight nodded, wincing as Dash..."
Or this one:
"Rainbow Dash for her part looked a little uncomfortable after a moment, and grew fidgety rather quickly."
Could just as easily be:
"Rainbow Dash looked uncomfortable as well, and quickly grew fidgety."
I was trained as a journalist so I tend to have a bias toward brevity. Still, it's something you might want to consider.
Looking forward to finishing it.
Mhmm, in need of editing for minor details, but otherwise very good. This fic's strong point is it's ability to convey complexity of emotion, moving ponies smoothly through depression, anger, pride, love, so on, all mixed together. On the other hand, the justification is more-or-less after the fact. Four stars, I wish this was on DA so I could really make it a favorite.
ReplyDeleteRight now I'm halfway through. I gotta let this out.
ReplyDelete"PINKIE! YOU IDIOT!!!"
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with Aquaman in that I was left with the feeling of "eh". Firstly, Dash didn't seem like Dashie. At least to me, I can't see Dash running off and thinking her friends hate her. But that's my problem, so I'll move on. My biggest problem with this fic was the pacing of it. There are times where you follow every line Twilight is reading and then simply say "4 days later..." without it feeling like time passed by. I also was unconvinced that Twi would suddenly realize her feelings as she was running, again didn't feel like enough passage of time. In addition, it's really hard to think while concentrating on moving (think riding a bicycle, it's pretty tough) and Twi running full speed through the woods would appear to me that she's focusing on running more than thinking (but she did trip over stuff, showing she wasn't fully concentrated). I guess I'm just picky.
Finally, and this is just a personal thing, I don't like the whole Pegasus feather thing being a plot device but rather a plot element. To me, the feather is a cute symbol of love, and shouldn't be what brings about love. You got a hang of it when Twilight was clenching her teeth not to let that feather go, but it wasn't clicking with me before. Twilight of anyone should know that the feather is representative of Dash's commitment, and she should be mulling over that instead of mulling over the feather as she's running.
Nice story, cute and funny, although the pacing could be fixed up a bit. 3/5
@Kits
ReplyDeleteWould that I were on the other side of the pond! But your location has been marked as a watering hole. No, seriously though, I can't thank you and the other pre-readers enough. But I'm going to try: Thank you, from the bottom of my pony-addled heart!
And, hey, I must admit that when I set out to write this, I picked Twi/Dash mostly because of exactly that - it was slightly rare. Then I fell in love with the idea of focusing the story on how you can arrive on love from a myriad of paths!
@Fifth Alicorn
Thank you! And more there shall be! I am buyoed by feedback both positive and moderating.
@Sunbeamer
You are invaluable, hon. Thank you!
@C.Olimar788
Thank you! Adorable is generally my main goal, I suppose! I must admit I do see how it could've been shorter, but I think my problem is that I want to write a longer (as in, 50 chapter monsterstory) thing, and thus, I had a bit of issues reconciling a ship with that.
@Aquaman52
To separate my thoughts on your feedback a little, the vocabulary thing is something I want, more than anything, to attribute to style; garrulousness is a flaw I cherish!
I jest, I jest, but thing is, to tie this in to your second paragraph, regarding inconsistency, I feel you have a point, and I thank you for making it. The thing is, my "natural" writing style is thoroughly sarcastic and utterly ridiculous. I have a hard time taking myself seriously. If anything, consider this fic an attempt by me to break the mold, to go against my regular style. Thus, the example with the bridge, while I can't say I would want to edit it out, it IS a "flaw", I have to agree to a point.
Regarding dialogue, I don't rightly know what to say, because I'm very self-conscious about that, and thus prone to agree. At worst, I can be too verbal in my descriptions and too formal in my conversations to the point where it is unnatural.
All in all, I must admit I am of course disappointed that you didn't get, as you yourself put it, "sucked in", but I understand your reasons because, when I am my harshest critic, I agree with all your points.
Not quite sure what your last few sentences were about though, you've given solid reasoning for your rating and everything, and provided a lot of useful feedback.
(Is the formatting really that big of an issue, by the way? You're not the first to comment, and I must admit I just go by what feels natural. I have no "training" here.)
@Cold in Gardez
I love playing around with words - I feel language can be far too.. static, and play to expectations in excess of what's healthy. At the same time, inconsistencies can be frustrating. If it ever gets to the point where you pause and wonder WHY I wrote something in a convoluted manner, rather than marvel at it, then I've done it wrong, though.
So thank you for reminding me, at any rate! I know that I'll scrutinize each sentence of my next fic. I did not expect, and could not even have hoped for this much useful feedback. I am thrilled!
@PhallenFoenix
Thank you! For every person who finds this adorable, a pegasus.. no, wait. No, I just drink more sugary beverages. Can't go wrong!
@Avery Strange
ReplyDeleteI did write it in the reverse order - as in, painted emotions after what I felt was natural events, but to me, the emotions were what I was hoping to convey, so perhaps my desires shone through my method, there.
Well, what traces of method there were. Traces I tell you. All the same, thank you!
@Kimba the White Lion
I'd never simply ignore a feeling about something being ooc, you've a point, of course. My reasoning was that it wasn't about others, but about Twilight ruining it, and hence, more a bout of directed anger (though of course, it turned out it wasn't quite as simple). I can't tell you if this makes it seem more natural, but that was my justification, at least!
I'll admit up-front that I struggle with scene intros/ends, in that I tend towards bite-sized scenes, and that may be what messes with the feel of flow of time, if you experience that.
The reasoning behind Twi realizing how she felt as she ran and all such was simply because she'd never dared to actually let herself think about it before, and that was all that was ever stopping her.
Again, just my reasoning, validity/how natural that sounds is very much in the eye of the beholder I suppose.
Last point, I simply agree that I may have overused the feather as a direct object. I make no excuses there, Twilight's thoughts could have reflected the fact that she knew this.
Thank you for reading!
That was really really great. like, awesomely great.
ReplyDeleteCharacters were in their "setting" and they were flowed together perfectly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, i give you 11 plus the internets.
@Pre-reader Comment ...BARTENDER! Quickly, ten barrels of vintage scotch, and put it all on the author's tab!
ReplyDelete*trollface grins*
@Kimba the White Lion
ReplyDeleteI was expecting the feather to be a MacGuffin myself, so I can see where you're coming from with it being a plot device versus simply an element.
@Cloudy Skies
I can understand that, actually; used well, more complex language is by far the better choice. There is a point, however, where words like "compunction" just stick out like sore thumbs.
Sarcasm is definitely my native tongue as well, which is why I try to create a balance between serious prose and lighter comedic bits in my own writing. Usually, I prefer to just do that by writing in first-person, but when I'm forced to work with third-person I've found it helps if I imagine that each section of the story is being written by the character in focus during that section. In other words, if I'm writing third-person centered around Applejack, I'll try to tailor the prose so that it has a definite country edge to it. Writing in character like that helps to maintain stylistic integrity while also giving you the option of being sarcastic if it fits the character and sweet mother of God look at all these big words I'm using at 1:39 in the morning.
Don't feel too bad about dialogue; I still don't think I've fully gotten the hang of it for this fandom myself, and I'm also someone who prides themselves on that particular aspect of their writing. I think dialogue is the biggest "eye of the beholder" component to any piece of writing; there's no real way to perfect it because everyone has their own idea of what "realistic" dialogue sounds like. The best you can do is just try to make it appeal to as many people as possible. XD
About those last few sentences, I just always get self-conscious about any review I give that isn't fully positive, because there's always that little nagging feeling in the back of my mind of, "Who the hell are you to judge when everyone else loves this?" I've gotten fairly good at ignoring that feeling over the last couple years, but it still crops up every now and then. XP
And as for formatting, I found it very distracting that there was no real noticeable spacing between lines that were meant to be separated (like when a new character started speaking). I also thought the spacing that was included was very random, in that I couldn't really pick out why you chose to double-space paragraphs out in the places you did. I'm a grammar Nazi, so it probably bothered me more than it did most other people.
Oh dear Celestia, I lost a ridiculously big feedback post somehow. I am rewriting it for the third time. I'm bad at this. I apologize for this being far more brief than I had intended, then.
ReplyDelete@Cold in Gardez: Noted! I do tend to play around, because I feel language should be less static, less.. serious than many make it out to be, in a sense, but if it ever feels frustrating, or inconsistent, then I'm failing. Thank you for the feedback!
@PhallonFoenix: Thank you, and thank you for reading!
@Aquaman52: Solid feedback is a boon, my only gripe is that I'm sorry you didn't get sucked in like you hoped you would be!
The tonal inconsistencies are a result of me trying to break the mold. My usual style is very sarcastic, informal and closer to verbal stand-up - despite word choice - than anything. Inconsistencies = Bad, but I'm not gonna simply say that this was an experiment and ignore this.
The dialogue comment hits hard because I know it's probably true. Since I love playing around, I can get lost in turns of phrase. Writing natural dialogue is something I've always feared I might fare badly at. If this is one of the weak points of the story, then at the very least I know my enemy: This is something that's comparatively easy to work at. Thank you!
I am gutted that you didn't get as much enjoyment out of as you'd want though. Whenever someone says this, I feel as if though I've failed - because I have. But I'll do better next time, just you watch. Thank you for reading!
@C.Olimar788: Thank you! I can see how the buildup can be considered long, though!
ReplyDelete@Kits: I wish I were, ha! Seriously, you pre-readers have been invaluable. I should be buying!
@Fifth Alicorn: Thank you truly!
My, that was a long one! You did a really great job conveying the emotions of the ponies. Twilight's eventual realization of her love was especially well done. The only thing that bothered me was the fact that Rainbow Dash, in my opinion, would never, ever, even consider putting her career ambitions before her friends. I know that she didn't end up doing this, and eventually resolved that conflict within herself quite nicely, but the fact that she even considered it seemed a tad out of character.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, this was a really well done fic that I thoroughly enjoyed. You made me laugh (Dash misspelling "loyalty" IS wrong for so many reasons!), and you made me dawww hardcore. 5 stars for you!
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDelete> The reasoning behind Twi realizing how she felt as she ran and all such was simply because she'd never dared to actually let herself think about it before, and that was all that was ever stopping her.
Call me crazy but I would say that's the turning point in the story (maybe even the whole point of it). Either it wasn't emphasized enough or I missed it completely.
As for Dash, I'm confused as to what Twilight exactly ruined. The line "That's what friends are for" did her over, but she was already broken beforehand. And I wouldn't suspect Dashie to be oblivious to the fact that Twilight is oblivious.
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteHum, did you actually manage to reply to the invisible swallowed megareply, or have I now made an inedible mistake and double-replied?
All the same: I see your point on, well, point of view and such. I tried, to some degree, to have a similar effect when I switched to Luna's PoV. I'm not sure how successful it was.
And aye, the dialogue issues are of course exacerbated (I bet I got that word wrong!) by the fact that most fics will inevitably put ponies in situations they're not used to, and you kind of have to go past the episodes' comfy samples.
Trick is making readers feel that the sentences could be spoken, regardless of whether or not the word choice is natural etc. There ARE people out there who speak in thees and thous, I suppose!
But! The formatting! Damn but that does my head in. The current "rule" I operate under is that I indent for dialogue unless the same character speaks multiple times in a row/fast, and line breaks whenever I sneeze.
No seriously, I need to learn this. I haven't had any formal writing training, so I play everything by the ear, and since this is the first thing I've written for an audience, it was silly of me to not research, leaving myself open to this. There will be many who share your thoughts, I imagine, in that it bothers them, while it may not bother me.
I stayed up later than I should have, reading this. I'll be tired and grumpy tomorrow morn. Yet, I have absolutely no regrets, and wouldn't have acted differently given the chance. Well written. This brought both laughter and tears. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletethank you author for giving me a wing boner!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThank you! And, you are correct of course, she wouldn't, and even Luna knew that. Hence, her pissing and moaning about the woods was more a "what do I doooo" thing. I doubt she seriously considered it, as hinted at by the way she goes slightly off-hinge when she goes "I win!".
If there are inconsistencies that contradict this, or if it's not clear enough, then that's my bad!
Thank you for reading!
@Kimba the White Lion
I think you are correct, really. It is the turning point, and perhaps it is a little understated.
What I rely on for Dash's reactions and obliviousness-to-obliviousness is, I guess, that romance is uncharted territory for her. It's a cheap out, here, I know. If it doesn't come out as believable, then I've clearly failed there!
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteFailing is just a harsh word for learning.
@Cloudy SkiesHmm. I just copy and pasted YOU mega reply and tried to post it along with one of my own.
ReplyDeleteIt too was swallowed.
@Sethisto! Blogger is eatin' our comments!
long story short: Loved the emotions. Huntsville AL == Space Camp and hit my up on gchat or google+ or flankbook if you want another editor and/or just want to chat.
*finished reading*
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome, and well deserving of the compliment.
I don't know what else to say besides MAKE MORE. This is seriously and completely honestly one of the best fics I've ever read. 100/5 stars.
ReplyDeleteCold in Gardez in particular seems to have some of the same thoughts I did on phrasing, so I won't repeat them.
ReplyDeleteOnce the story went 'into the wilderness', I chose to read Dash as buckling under an acute attack of Performance Anxiety/Stage Fright - that made the 'I must run away and vanish' a bit easier to buy.
The relatively slow buildup actually made the story work for me. There was enough interaction to fill the story out and make the trip from 'friends' to 'couple' more believable than I'd expect from fanfic. IMO, the fun of a story like this is all in watching the characters bounce off of each other - no point in skimping on that!
The characters mostly felt 'on', and the pairing came across as genuinely, awkwardly heartfelt from both sides. Niggles aside, this was a fun read.
My celestia... Manly tears of happy, sad, worry, and many other emotions were had in this wonderful story!!! On the star scale of 1-6 this ranks a 10 and probably higher. I have never read a story, so romantic... So happy and so sad inall my life!!! I am still crying over how beautiful it was.
ReplyDelete@Anonymouseseses: Thank you both for reading! And don't be grumpy! Eat a cupcake instead!
ReplyDelete@Kimba the White Lion: I didn't mean to sound defeatist, whining or any somesuch, I apologize and you are correct - it's why I truly appreciate all the feedback I've gotten. Thank you!
@Kits: I may just take you up on that offer, though I wouldn't want to impose as far as the editor part goes!
@KShrike: Thank you. For every pony who enjoys this, my heart beats a little stronger, I swear.
You did an amazing job. Please, write more, especially twidash, the greatest ship fic pair.
ReplyDelete@Thesyn: Thank you, truly. I .. I don't know what to say beyond that. I am humbled!
ReplyDelete@Anon: It's still suboptimal that you felt you had to do that to make you swallow what you considered ooc, if I understand you right, but it's helpful to know more people felt that Dash's flight was an issue.
I'm glad the pacing resonated with someone, though. I was getting a little desperate here, frankly! Seems the majority feel there are pacing issues, but I feel one advantage is that I wanted it to feel less forced. That bit was important to me.
Thank you for reading!
@twilightlover21: Thank you! I'm very glad to hear you seemed to enjoy it, and I hope I won't disappoint in the next fic I cook up!
The only pacing issue there is, is that a lot of people see "shipping" and they want SOME pony to be blushing and looking away awkwardly by the end of the second page.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that it took Twilight SO long to figure anything out is a _strength_ of this fic. It's in her character to NOT notice social cues. Maybe I just like subtel shipping: Over the Edge of the Map and Merely a Mare are two more of my favorites.
As for Dash running away: I had watched Rainboom earlier the day I reviewed this. Yeah, Dash is prone to buckling under pressure. I've alway seen her as using her brash, 'awesome' demeanor as a shield. She's not to worried about physical harm, but other's opinions really matter to her.
Bloody well done, lad.
ReplyDeleteI think this is the best TwilightXRainbow fic I have ever read. I've pretty much read all of them so that's some high praise. This was a beautiful story. I really enjoyed the Luna parts thrown in there as well. I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future.
ReplyDeleteAw shnit. Read it through (Loved it too), and was having a wonderful discussion with the other readers, when I hit backspace too much and left. Now I can't get back to the chat.
ReplyDeleteI was Anon52, Twixie Lover and Pinkie Pie Fan.
Loved this fanfic.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the inclusion of the feather as a romantic gesture and hat it actually became a plot device throughout the second half of the story.
The anger RD feels toward Twilight also seems realistic, though maybe a bit exaggerated in its intensity. Yet, I could easily see someone get that angry when they feel that they've messed everything up.
I was a little confused about why RD snapped during the party when Twilight learned she did it on purpose. I wasn't sure exactly why Twilight mentioning friendship caused her to act so strange. However, the second half of the story cleared up that confusion.
My reasoning for Dash's reaction is two-fold:
1) she is unsure how to confront Twilight about purposely crashing into the library and that Twilight is very upset about it
2) the mentions of friends made Dash realize that Twilight didn't feel the same way, which would be a massive shock to a character attempting to do a proposal.
Admittedly, that was a really nice and well-written story. And that's coming from someone who despises shipfics and shipping in general so take it as you will. I normally think shipfics aren't worth reading, but looks like this one is an exception.
ReplyDeleteI saw all the positive comments, was drawn into reading it myself, and in all honesty, was really impressed. It was definitely worth the read and even changes my perspective on reading shipfics. This is probably one of the best fics I've ever read.
That was fantastic! I think the prior comment is going to cast this one in a ludicrously positing light, but I honestly enjoyed reading this the whole way, and barring one instance of Applejacks accent getting incredibly heavy, it managed to keep me in the story with apparent ease.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for more, will definitely be keeping an eye on this author.
Derp, I meant positive*
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed the 3rd person limited PoV - I don't see enough of that nowadays... most is just all-knowing 3rd person or 1st...
ReplyDeleteThat was pretty darn enjoyable. Really liked that Dash and Twilight's reactions both seemed very in-character, and your Fluttershy was absolutely excellent. Applejack's accent did run away with her for a line or two, but not enough to be jarring.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that came off oddly to me was your Luna, but that wasn't jarring, just me being too used to everypony writing her as the shy filly that we last saw in the show, not in her full power as Celestia's co-ruler and equal. It was good to see someone writing her this way.
All in all, very nice to read a shipping fic that displays the complexities of the pony mind more than instant true love. Well done!
Twidash is best ship, and this might be the best fic. Oh i made a rhyme! No but seriously this was worth the read, and more, 5 stars for sure, i'm a sucker for shipping like this, and this was just... perfect.
ReplyDeleteShipping wasn't overly done: Just perfect for me.
ReplyDeleteThe buildup wasn't insanely fast: Just perfect for me.
It was my favourite pony x Dash: Strangely enough, I'm liking this idea.
The feather. I liked it.
The story. I liked it. 5/5
(Grammatical errors be damned)
Holy mother of God, This is Amazing, really wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to carry on crying now.
Yeah, I am sure I will agree with everyone else. Very well written , emotional at times, in character for all of them. And you took your time, which is so important in a shipping fic. With a one shot story its even harder, but you did very well there. Couple of typo's here and there, but considering the length of the story its minimal. I am not sure how I feel about Luna's bombshell at the end though. I just don't know if it was necessary for the story (Twi was already getting there and you could have used any mythical dangerous creature, to take her place, really). It gives Luna somewhat of a dark edge that I personally don't like to see. Well, guess that is your take on her.
ReplyDeleteVery minor complaint though. Overall, this was truly a joy to read.
Oh Celestia I loved this, oh my. My stars, have all of them. TwiDash is one of my favourite pairings, and you did this SO WELL.
ReplyDelete@Anon: Thank you! I'm not sure I'm going to re-try TwiDash right away, but I'm certainly working on another story!
ReplyDelete@Kits: While I both see the point of those who critique the pacing, and also prefer the slower buildup myself, I feel as if I should be able to cater to both preferences somehow. Not sure how - yet!
And aye, exactly that, I am playing on and hoping people interpret that as part of Dash's well-known and obvious inner frailty.
@La Barata: Thank you!
@LoganBrony: Truly, thank you! I must admit that I haven't read many, if any Twi/Dash, but I probably should change that posthaste! Got any to recommend?
@Anon52: Sorry to see you disappear! Was fun hanging out there, even tho I probably talked so much crap due to being tired, sorry. x3
As one of the ones telling you to get off your ass and get writing for the last couple of years, i am thrilled to see this finally out and fairly well recieved! seems I wasn't crazy afterall!
ReplyDelete@EonMaster: Thank you! As for why Dash snapped, I chalked it up to an "Oh drat, this isn't how it's supposed to be" with a sprinkling of "Friends? She -does- know, and wants to be FRIENDS!?". Add her frailty and desire for approval (which I may've exaggerated?) and, voila!
ReplyDeleteThat was my take on it at any rate, you'd have to ask Dash, but I hear she's on a date atm.
@FangShaymin: I think very few things can warm my heart as thoroughly as hearing that somepony tried something outside their comfort zone and that they liked it. I am thrilled, if you did indeed like what you read!
@Common: I am suddenly glad that when I wrote this, I didn't act on the impulse of "Shouldn't AJ's accent be a bit thicker?", ha. Can I ask you to point out where it felt wrong, for you? Regardless, thank you, and thank you for reading!
@Wlah: I'm glad to hear it! I wondered if it'd worked, and I'd seen very few ponies commenting on it. I realize it may not've been as I'd liked, in some spots, but when I reached Luna's second 'chapter', I realized what I'd been doing, and went with it. Thank you!
I loved it. The feather was a very cool addition. Even more so, I like how you wrote Luna's whole conversation with Dash - very interesting interpretation. 5/5.
ReplyDeleteI have to add this to my reading list.
ReplyDeleteI'm so backed up, I have around 10 fics to read!
@Whiteout: Augh, more AJ accent fail? You MUST tell me where! (..Please?). I'm glad that I didn't miss the Fluttershy though, considering that she had to act in what is for her a pretty extreme manner, during her limited screentime. It could've been Bad.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Luna thing, aye, I'm aware of the most common interpretation of her (My favorite being the Progress series), I just wanted to try a different take. I understand why and how it's not everyone's cuppa, though.
Thank you for reading!
@Casper: Thank you, truly! I'm overjoyed that you liked it!
@Tast: Oh my, thank you. I'm glad!
@SmittyG: Thank you for reading!
@Baree: If we link the creature in the forest to Luna's personality, and make that the single issue, then, hm, I -want- to chalk it up to preference. I really like the stronger Luna who's all about tough love, keeping up a front, and being distant, yet no less caring than her sister.
I can only apologize if it didn't resonate well with you, and thank you for reading!
@Amber Dawn: Thank you for the praise, and thank you for reading!
@Ocean Breeze: I'm pretty sure you're still crazy, I'm sorry. I mean, oatmeal?
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteI'm with Aquaman on this. I also felt that the story had pacing problems, rushing ahead too quickly to some scenes, and then dragging once there. My impression was that of distinct sections of "things happening" and other sections of "people talking", which gave it the sense that we're gonna stop the action now while people chat.
Which isn't to say I didn't like it, but I could see a lot of room for improvement.
I was kind of frustrated by how much everyone was holding in when the story seemed to dictate that it was time to spill their guts. I felt like the "why I love you" discussion at the end should have come a LOT earlier, and the way Fluttershy acted toward Twi seemed really unfair to me given that everyone should know Twilight is somewhat oblivious.
That said, I also thought you played Twi a little bit TOO oblivious. She seemed to dismiss her friends' odd behavior instead of digging into it. After Fluttershy's surprise at the textbook, I'd have expected her to do some looking and be prepared the next day with, "Dash, you already know this book cover to cover."
@Anon: I'm glad to hear it! It was, actually, my favorite part to write. Thank you for reading!
ReplyDelete@Hobo: I know the feeling. :| Thank you for showing interest tho!
@LordOfTheWrongs: While it seems some ponies are split on the pacing, even if I could chalk that up to preference, I can't ignore the fact that fluidity could be better with regards to conversations, be that inserting conversations in action or just conversations in general.
You may have a point with the pregnancy of the debate. I feel I gave reasons, but they may not have been strong enough. I could have hinted more strongly at, for example, how filly-foolin' is kind of a bigger deal to make it more hush-hush, but I didn't, and as such, perhaps Twi's exasperation after Fluttershy's departure at the party is one that is too easy to understand in a reader as well.
The Twilight thing though, if I went back to try to make that seem more natural, I'd play up how she doesn't see because she doesn't WANT to see. But perhaps it's too much of a stretch given the long time period?
This was some really good stuff, I must say. The alliteration early on the the use of words I would have never thought of worked really well. It tells a really nice tale in single go, and I really like that. Kudos!
ReplyDelete^_^ Proud sister is proud.
ReplyDeleteProud sister is also helping fix the formatting errors some of you pointed out, so that should be done and updated by this evening. >_>
Twilight is at her most adorable when nerding out over friendship, and you captured that brilliantly. Rainbow's bumbling, childish antics are likewise interminably endearing. This is one of those stories where the slow opening works very well, building tension as Twilight's friends do weird shit. Telling this from Twilight's oblivious perspective was a fantastic choice, too.
ReplyDeleteTwo Weeks Since Last Party party. That's the best party.
"Bam, like a muffin, straight into the library!"
What I am loving about this is the dynamic of romance upsetting the bond of friendship the six mane ponies have forged. I was just discussing this the other day, as a matter of fact, and I'm glad to see someone tackling it head-on. (Also Dash's less-than-stellar spelling abilities.) Not to mention, I don't know that I've really seen TwiDash before.
If you'll permit me to ramble for a moment, I think the thing I find so compelling about shipping Rainbow Dash, aside from the fact that everyone who sees her immediately goes "That pony's a lesbian lol", is the whole loyalty deal, not to mention her general character. She's not emotional; obviously, that means she keeps her emotions hidden. She would definitely be beating herself up about something like this, in just the way you present it here. Shipping these two is just fun because it plays on Twilight's general naivete and lack of social skills.
I love the conflicting emotions that continue on for both of them right up towards the end. I love that Rainbow called her a dork. These two are going to have a beautiful relationship. And whoa, Luna's meddling in her subjects' lives now? That little revelation at the end was unexpected. And wow, this is a first fic? Great work! I hope you keep it up. :D
It took me a solid hour to read this. Thank you for making that one hay of a enjoyable hour. Top notch.
ReplyDeleteSolaris90 here. That was lovely. You don't see this pairing too often, and this is a shining example of why that is so dissapointing.
ReplyDeleteI start to tear up this was so awesome. fanfics like this are why i am a twidash shipper
ReplyDeleteThe writing in this story has a lot of potential. There are a lot of sentences and paragraphs, though, that contain unnecessary repetition. I would advise more re-reading and editing after you write.
ReplyDeleteThe characterization was solid to me. I've seen complaints of OOC in the comments, but I feel more like you've drawn upon character traits, personality and history that were only hinted at in the show proper. Context is important, and you created a context in which the characters probably would act differently than normal simply because the stakes were higher than they would be on a little girls' cartoon show.
My favorite scene was at the party. I loved the way everypony's feelings came to a head, especially Rarity's and Fluttershy's. I've had experiences like those, so I know where you're writing from. There is a lot of truth you wrote in to that particular scene.
That being said, there are a lot of other truths that I felt were not expanded upon enough, in the final act, regarding Rainbow and Twilight's behavior and feelings. Your rationale for the pair coming together seems to be, "It's love. You can't explain it." As someone who has experienced a great deal of love in my time, I feel this was kind of a cop out. There were so many situations in the first act of the story where you could sense the underlying reasons of Rainbow's feelings for Twilight, and also how those feelings could be returned. In the last act, however, I feel that you settled for, "They realized they loved each other but couldn't say why," and this bled into the kind of awkward ending.
I felt like they could have said why, and I felt like you could have, too. The resources were there, both in the show itself and in your own writing. In the end, though, the background context behind Rainbow's feelings were a bit underdeveloped, in my opinion, and the same behind Twilight's was almost non-existent. Twilight's fight with the monster over the feather would have been the perfect climax if there had been more preceding and feeding into it, and this is because I felt that when Twilight realized her love for Rainbow, you could have inserted any other pony with any of their other virtues and come to the same conclusion.
Even if love can't be explained, we all know that when we feel it, there is something special about the person we love that separates them from everyone else. I felt that feeling was missing, especially from Twilight's point of view. Even if these ponies couldn't explain why they loved each other, they should have been able to explain what made them more special to each other than anypony else. I didn't feel that was the case while reading.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm a bit disappointed; many fanfiction authors who ship just throw a pair together without creating or drawing upon an existing context in which the relationship would work while saying, "It's love; that's what happens." I felt like you weren't doing that for most of the story and then you did; I felt like you were laying the context for something that was much better thought out and then got out of it the easy way.
Don't settle for the easy way. You've got great potential and great insight. You had the resources to really show your audience why Rainbow and Twilight would love each other, and you almost did, too. But then it felt like you just told us they did to make a fairly weak, and in my opinion unfounded, point about how love works.
All that being said, I really hope you write again. I enjoyed a great deal of the story, even if I do disagree with some of your perspective on love. Hope this will be helpful.
FUUUUUCKING FIIIIIIIIIVE STAAAAAAAAAR
ReplyDelete@Heitomos: Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you liked it! The alliteration was something I really had fun with, but after reading certain other stories, I realize that if it's less than 20 counts in a row, I'm slacking, ha!
ReplyDelete@Sunbeamer: I do think I get the whole formatting thing now though! Just you watch me next time, I swear!
@Present Perfect: I'm glad you feel the pacing worked! Using the other members of the mane cast was one of my goals, though I wish I could have used them even more.
And, thank you! There is truth to the fact that the dynamic between the friends IS affected by something that is new compared to the canon material. This was my "excuse" for some of the characters to be a little askew - as in, while this is certainly within the displayed range of emotions for Pinkie and Fluttershy, it may seem odd to have them act at their extremes for such a significant amount of the story.
I'm really glad you agree with the characterizations, too! I personally wish that it made more sense to write a follow-up, because I feel that, as you say, they'd make The Cutest Couple.
As for Luna, I.. hope that it made sense, and didn't sound weird. I have my own idea of Luna, and it was a little scary to try to have her act according to my version of her, without having had a five-page preface explaining it.
Thank you for reading!
@Anons, all four of you!: Thank you! I am humbled at the amount of positive feedback, and I can only hope that whatever I apparently did right this time around, isn't missing from my next fic.
@wolfe_guardian: First off, thank you for reading and for your feedback!
ReplyDeleteI think your first paragraph on characterization rings true with me, and I agree with the line of thinking. Without waxing philosophical here, there is of course some leniency that comes with fanfics, because inevitably, unless you write the script for ep 27/s2 ep1, you are placing the ponies in situations that are weird and new.
As such, all we've to go by is whether it feels weird or wrong when you read something. If you've watched all eps, you can tell if AJ acts out of character. I'm glad you feel I hit there, to some degree!
As most of your comment is concerned with the background and reasoning for love, though;
It is my opinion that love is something you arrive upon, and that you can end up there in a myriad of ways. Indeed, that's part of the "message", I guess. In Rainbow Dash's case, what I should have done better, perhaps, is given more examples from the episodes, where I feel her obvious respect for Twilight shines through.
In Twilight's case, perhaps I over-emphasized the fact that she could not logic-crush the feelings into submission and make sense of it, and just had to think about it using her heart instead. Instead, I could've put more focus on what draws her to Dash, though I feel it's something we on the outside probably realize; her loyalty, her strength (not the physical prowess!) and attitude.
If anything, I'm very sad to hear that it felt like a cop-out. I mean, to the degree this stems from a differing opinion of what love is, I can accept that, and I can live with it, but it's far more sad to consider I may not've painted a strong enough target.
That said, "Love happens" IS also part of the deal here. It doesn't have to be analoguous to two-page clopfic love, I feel. It's more terrible to me to hear that there's an unknown missing, because that's harder to fix.
All the same, thank you for your feedback, I truly appreciate it: while it's unlikely that I'll make any major edits to this story, I -am- hopping straight back to my keyboard and writing more.
Perhaps I will rewrite, or, more likely, write another angle on Twi/Dash. This discussion on reasons/motivations behind love aside, I have a multitude of other things I feel I can pick on, highlight and explore in this ship, and it's impossible to fit it all into a single A to B ship fic.
You ought to write a Luna piece, then, and show off your vision of her.
ReplyDeleteWell that was really sweet. I really liked it. Me and my incredible descriptions... Oh whatever I thought it was cute.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say I dont normally read fan-fic or care for shipping, but if every shipping fic were as genuine-feeling and warm as this, I wouldn't read anything else! so tyvm for a great read (actually read it twice now...)
ReplyDeleteI feel that you missed a grand opportunity when you failed to title this fic 'Reading Rainbow'
ReplyDeleteAlso, I liked it.
@Ebon Mane
ReplyDeletepfffft!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSHz7Thvbc
Easy 5 star, not a ship I've read before I think but you definitely made it work.
ReplyDeleteLooks at picture*
ReplyDelete...............
*reads right away*
......5 minutes later.....'best story i have ever read!'
@Present Perfect: Next fic will actually be Luna-centric!
ReplyDelete@Ihaveanamebecause?: Thank you! Hey, you used the words "sweet" and "cute"; if those're heartfelt, then I've succeeded!
@muninn: I am truly glad to hear it, high praise, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story - thank you for reading and for your words!
@Ebon Mare/Kits: Would that be better or worse than the potential of shipping Dash with Dash for a Double one? All the same, glad to hear you liked it, thank you!
@Stryke: Really happy you think so, thank you for reading!
@Vinyl Sratch: If I am to take from this that you read it in 5 minutes, you have GOT to hook me up with your reading coach! I am SO backlogged on awesome stuff to read!
As a sidenote, I'm loving the pic that was chosen for the fic. So cute.
Oh, and if I am just confusing myself and overinterpreting your words: I'm glad you liked it! If.. if you did.
I must say, I quite liked this story. I was a bit confused at some parts, but reading on helped me to hash everything out.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of torn on this one. On the one hand, I agree basically completely with NinesTempest. To many, this pairing seems like a weird one, and you do a really good job exploring Twilight and Rainbow's characters in a subtle way to explain how the events would progress from each other.
ReplyDeleteFor example, the part where Pinkie Pie accidentally makes the reveal to the group was a dramatic and strong point of the story. I actually think your interpretations and descriptions of the characters were perfect in that regard, because this is a concept far detached from anything the show ever covered so it is unreasonable to expect the characters to act exactly the same way.
You tied the characters' more subtle base personality traits well to guide them through the reactions that they went through, and I think you built quite well off of those base personalities.
This is where I think the first problem of this story comes up, though. Honestly, the reason I think some of the readers are finding Dash and Twilight to be OOC is that too much happens in this story for the way it is presented.
Even if you wrote all in one sitting with the intention of being a one-chapter epic, it really could have benefited from being split into two or three chapters (my personal suggestion would be to split it right after the fallout from the party). A lot of emotions, and a lot of reactions to emotions, and a lot of reactions to reactions, occur as this story goes along.
If nothing else, being presented as a two parter (or whatever) would allow the readers to better mull over the emotions that everypony in the story are going through and why those emotions are present. I don't personally see anyone in the story as being OOC, but I can understand why those feelings popped up for some when so much happens at once. It can make it hard to understand the emotional triggers for this thing.
On the other hand (and this is not as damning as it will probably sound), I also find myself agreeing with wolfe_guardian to an extent.
ReplyDeleteYou've crafted a loving, thoroughly explained world around this story. The two major players, over the course of the story, were both heavily examined to a large extent by themselves and by the readers that by the end of it you could almost guess how they would react to any outside forces.
Basically, you had crafted a story with more than enough hard justification to make a thorough and thoughtful explanation in the end.
And I really don't want to call it a "cop out," because I feel if you paid close attention to the proceedings you as a reader could understand the reason that they loved each other, even if they themselves couldn't explain it (which I also understand may have been the entire purpose of writing it that way in the first place).
But it seems... "off" to me for this story, which was so much about those two finding their inner selves and struggling with their internal feelings, to not be able explain themselves to each other when all was said and done and they confessed said feelings to each other. It almost gives the impression that they did know their reasoning, but they didn't want to explain it.
Eye'm gonna make a PMV based on this fanfic, hope you like it~
ReplyDeleteThere is cool and then there is Rainbow Dash cool (about 20% cooler than normal cool) and you my friend are Rainbow Dash cool! Awesome story, hope to see more! Also MLP FIM is so Freakin awesome!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDDD MUST HAZZZ SEQUALZZZZ NAOWWWWWW RAWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!11!!1!!one!1!!
ReplyDelete@The Lovely Penguin: Thank you for reading! It'd be very helpful if you could point out to me which parts were confusing though. :)
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5: Thank you for reading, and thank you for the feedback! It's an interesting point with the chapters, because I think I might agree. Initially, I'd planned this as a three-chapter thing, but then I realized the chapters would be very short - or rather, that a chapter #3 would feel odd. Perhaps I should've made it two chapters instead of ditching them alltogether.
I certainly see your argument about forcing a little reflection, though.
Since it's not the first time I heard the comment on lack of explanation at the end though, I realize there has to be at least some truth to it. I mean, to me, I'm sitting here thinking "But, they did!" - some of that has to be because I wrote the damn thing, ergo I'm probably unable to separate justifications and such I thought of and never wrote, from the written material.
All the same, thank you again for the feedback!
@DJ RBDash: I can't wait to see what comes out of this!
@Anons: Thank you! I don't know if anything is -quite- as cool as Dash, but we try, eh?
I may do a sequel, but atm I'm working on another project that's looking to be fairly long. I tend to get very attached to my thingies tho, so I reeally wouldn't be surprised to see myself writing a sequel afterwards.
Cute.
ReplyDeleteNever will be one for shipfics (seriously guys and gals, its freakin PONIES, its up there in the creepy scale. plus it can really ruin the shows innocence for me...) but this was a genuinely cute little (actually, rather big) story. The feather was just so very very cute. I smiled HARD ready those parts. Play much Harvest moon author?
Ultimately, good work. really. Keep 'em coming. Just please, please, no more shipping. it's time guys.
Personally, I never thought Twilight+Dash could work... but this story convinced me!
ReplyDeleteBravo, sir, bravo. Beautifully written!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteHere's the PMV eye promised you~
Dedicated to this fanfic and shipping, enjoy~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEU5tiKJCnU
@Anon1: I don't think I'm quite ready to abandon an entire element from my toolbox (i.e. romance/affection) just due to a request, but I am glad you seemed to like it!
ReplyDelete@Anon2: Thank you for reading, and thank you; It's not as "far out there" as some others, as far as challenge level goes, but I guess it's not the most obvious ship, either.
@DJ RBDash: I don't think I'll ever convince myself that I deserved that, so I'll attribute it to Twi and Dash being teh adorbs, instead.
No seriously, thank you, that's just freakin' awesome, and SO cute!
This was cute :P
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this en, thank ya for writing ;)
I've seen some Rainbow Dash and Twilight shippin' fics, but never really read them. Just seemed like an odd pairing. When I saw the "are you giving it back?" pic on ponibooru and deviant art, though, I decided to give this one a try.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm glad I did. That was an excellent fic. Anyone who thinks "Meh, don't want" in regards to RBD/Twi, give this fic a try. After all, it's not like you have to go out and be an avid RBD/Twi shipper just for reading a fic that ships them. It's a damn good read, and there's no shame in enjoying a good story! n_n
Oh, my drawing made it up there, though he saved it as a jpeg image...
ReplyDeleteThe whole story behind the first feather is 'dawwwwww worthy enough to warrant the five stars this story deserves. I was actually really touched by it, it was a perfect plot device that kept Dash perfectly in character, yet made her totally vulnerable.
ReplyDeleteFive stars! And I've got myself a nice, heart warming story to come back to whenever I feel down (and that's rather hard for me to admit as a guy... though made slightly easier due to the anonymity of this place).
Please-oh-please write more stories. Possibly even a continuation... if you dont think it would get stale, that is.
Thanks for the wonderful read. I feel all fuzzy inside.
Incredible - I read through the entire thing last night without any breaks other than a bathroom run. This may sound lame and sappy, but his story was able to find its way straight to my heart. The storyline, characters, and emotions were downright fantastic. (Especially the first part with the feather..)
ReplyDeleteVery excited to read this story again sometime in the future.
@Cloudy Skies - You owe it to the world to write another story, and I will love you forever if you do. No homo.
Alright maybe a little.
That feather.....you sir are a god of writing, one of the best fanfics I have ever read. I hope you are proud of yourself for writing this amazing story :)
ReplyDeleteokay well normally I'm not one for fanfics or fan made pairing fors characters, but this was simply fantastic. From the second I opened it up I had to read it all the way through and actually found my self laughing to my self of feeling that "aww" moment at points and best of all the characters actual were in character it was as if I could actual hear the voice actors saying these lines. great job and thank you for a great read.
ReplyDeleteRead, loved, rated, saved, backed up. Best shipping fic ever by a ways.
ReplyDeleteIf you find yourself near Bristol in the UK someday, there's a drink on me for this one!
Pre-reader 21? I agree.
ReplyDeleteHow is this not star 6?!
ReplyDeleteFound this to be amazing, there is a sheer load of writing in that one link instead of chapters but that's not a bad thing. I was really brought in to this story when I read it. Excellent work!
ReplyDelete~yay~ cloudy ~you rock wohoo~
ReplyDeleteI loved this story :)
ReplyDeleteThere isn't enough Twidash in my opinion.
I mean, I love Appledash but its not hard to find :P
Awesome! This is my favorite TwiDash story. Beautifully written and gripping. I love the symbolism of the feather. Bravo good sir!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this story. TwiDash is definitely my favorite pair. It just makes me wish that the show was geared towards us instead of the little kids they meant it for so that they could actually go into these relationships on the show.
ReplyDeletemanly happy tears, many were shed
ReplyDeletealso, it just me or did anyone else imagine pinkies hoof twitch during the description of the hospital room?
Loved it, i really like how you managed to capture the traits of the main characters, touching and entertaining. 5/5
ReplyDeleteI think this is a well writ fanfic. The storyline was stupendous. All I can really say is... WOW! I see true talent in you. All I say is, continue writing, my friend, it can lead you many places!!! Sincerely, your fan, and be it friend, Logan Parkinson
ReplyDeleteAn absolute joy to read and partly listen (Youtube ftw ;D)
ReplyDelete*****/***** naturally
Hope we get so see more of your work in the future!
Well I FINALLY got around to reading this.
ReplyDeleteThis is now my 3rd favorite shipfic after the Combinatorics Project and Composure; and the 2nd best depiction of the intense emotional bonds between the Mane 6 after A Rose is a Rose.
One of the lessons imparted was that some things have no words, but I shall try in vain to sum up my feelings in a simple statement I hope... Is satisfactory.
ReplyDelete"I cried."
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