Author: Rated-R PonyStar
Description: Apple Bloom wants to try out Scootaloo's scooter, but Scootaloo refuses without giving a reason. Apple Bloom decides to try it out in secret, but an accident happens that breaks not only the scooter, but also a friendship as Apple Bloom learns the truth about the scooter and resolves to make it right.Google Documents
A Broken Bond Part 1
A Broken Bond Part 2
A Broken Bond Part 3
A Broken Bond Part 4
A Broken Bond Part 5
A Broken Bond Part 6 (New)
Fanfiction.net
A Broken Bond (All Links)
Additional Tags: CMC, Friendship, Trust, Sad,
117 comments:
That is not Applebloom riding on that scooter ಠ_à²
ReplyDeleteThought you could trick us eh?!
Anyways going to read it now.. I just wanted to be first for once :3
Does it have a happy ending?
ReplyDeleteIt's incomplete, so we'll see. Haven't read yet but I will.
ReplyDeleteLiking it so far
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think this will turn out to be an ok story. Bit surprised Applebloom still has the scooter, you'd expect Scootaloo to take it home. Broken or not.
ReplyDeleteI'm liking this idea
ReplyDeleteWow RatedR- this is... awesome. I just finished it. I love it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteCute
ReplyDeleteShh authors need to send me relevant images! I couldn't find one!
ReplyDeleteReally good story so far, read a lot of 'sad' stories before, but I can really relate to this one. No shame in admitting manly tears were shed.
ReplyDeleteThe Cutie Mark Crusaders usually annoy me, but I thought I'd give reading this a try; and I must say, the depth put into both Applebloom and Scootaloo really shows. I hope in future chapters that we get to see Sweetie Belle expanded on too, perhaps trying to heal the strain between both of her best friends or something like that, but on the whole, other than a few grammatical errors, it made for excellent reading.
ReplyDeleteNot bad. I don't think I'm connecting to the story as well as the other readers, but that's just me.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely not bad, but I couldn't finish it because of all the typos. They just stuck in the back of my mind and I couldn't fix them DX
ReplyDeleteAwesome work, can't wait to find out how it ends.
ReplyDeleteSweet read. :p
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDelete...there were still typos? Damnit. I thought I'd squashed them all.
There are a few here and there. Mostly of the "the word is spelled correctly but it isn't the right word" variety.
ReplyDeleteThis is a nice little story, but for some reason it held me at an arms length. I had trouble getting a true feel for it, and I'm not sure why.
Still, a nice start so far, so I'll keep my eye on it.
Really nice start. I'm excited to see more! Keep it Going! 5/5
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of the CMC but I'm deffinately glad I read this. I almost cried.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty good. I hope Scoots does forgive Apple Bloom after the Scooter is repaired.
ReplyDeleteReally am glad for all the comments so far. Have had a terrible week with my job so seeing this is nice to see after so many days of what I've been going through.
ReplyDeleteSo thanks everypony!
It's got my interest.
ReplyDeleteNice fic, but just a couple things; 1 you only use ya'll when you are talking about more than one person, a conjunction for you and all.2 the plaural for pegasus is Pegasi like octopus and octopi
ReplyDeleteOutside of a few typos which were mentioned earlier, this is a solid story and I can't wait to see more of it. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeletethe word you can be used as singular or plural but you are correct about the pegasi.
and i am really loving this fanfic! I usually am really lazy to read some fic but this one got me realy interested!
I'm lookng forward to part 3 o.o
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo Scootaloo's dad is named "Stormfront" and hangs out with a pony with an SS logo as her cutie mark?
ReplyDelete...
Ok.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete(Looks at what you just said)
....oh....crap....
Changing that!
OKay! Now it's just a fiery comet instead of those two lightning bolts! That was so not done on purpose and I cannot believe I missed that! Thank you so much for noticing that and giving me a chance to fix that!
ReplyDeleteI really hope nobody was offended....
All so I'm changing the name to "Storm Ride" instead of "Storm Front". Again, I am really sorry about all this everyone it wasn't my intention to make the name of Scootaloo's dad or the cutie mark of Firefly be anything offensive or suggestive in ways that are not proper.
ReplyDeleteI just took Firefly's looks and cutie mark from the MLP wiki site as for Storm Front...I tried to find a pony name for storm and it just happened. AGAIN I AM VERY VERY SORRY AND THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT!
I will understand if anybody feels uncomfortable reading this story now and stops reading it, but I only hope that you will still read this even though I made a mistake that I regret. By no means do I associate with anybody like that (If I really did would I even be on this kind of site?) and I just hope that you understand that. Again, thank you anonymous for pointing this out.
This was the first MLP fan fiction I've actually read in its entirety. It caught my attention because I really like the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and I found that this is actually a very good story indeed. All the characters are portrayed perfectly and it seems like it could be a premise for an actual episode if it wasn't for a certain grim detail about Storm Front.
ReplyDeleteYa'll need to stop actually "reading" a story and just paint a picture in your head as you go along -- then you won't notice the typos and such! Your brain can be an automatic spell-checker.
ReplyDelete>snaps fingers
Just like that.
...Anyway, reason I'm saying that is because I really didn't notice any typos everyone is claiming. So either you fixed them already or I was too into it. Win-win either way!
I enjoyed it, so please continue. Don't see many solid stories of the CMC.
I know this is AB and Scoot's story, but is it possible to see a little more Sweetie Belle? Perhaps her trying to calm Scoots down, or something. I'm just going off how you say it's a CMC story, not just AB and Scoot. :/
ReplyDeleteAnyway, very well written so far. Only gripe, "Y'all" is a plural usage when using that kind of incorrect english. "Yer" and "Ya" would fit better in most of the places you put "Yall"
Ex: "Yall just being selfish!" sounds and perhaps reads better as "Yer just being selfish!"
Also, in that form of english(lets call it Apple-Speak, seeing as how the Apple family is using it, :P) words ending in "Ing" tend to be shortened by removing the G. "Something" turns to "Somethin'" See what I mean? It sounds more correct that way.
Ok, I probably sound like a complete Grammar Nazi, and I'm sorry for that. I did really enjoy the story, and I honestly can't wait for the next chapter. 5-Stars.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't mean you should intentionally ignore the typos and neglect proper spelling and grammar. It still makes it distracting and hard to read, and quite frankly it's just bad form.
This was amazing. The backstory about Scootaloo's scooter got me teary eyed, very emotional. Please update soon, I want to know what happens.
ReplyDeleteIf i try to imagine too much, then those memories never leave my mind...FOREVER
ReplyDeleteFive stars?! Wow! Thanks everypony!
ReplyDelete(Starts rocking out to Metalingus by After Bridge)
This is really good. Well deserving of 5 stars.
ReplyDeleteThat naming thing oh wow. At first I thought it was a fitting name, the leading edge of a storm but then I used google :-(
Why did I read this?! It clearly said [Sad] there!
ReplyDeleteI thought that maybe I wouldn't get too sad with the [Normal] tag being there, just a little sad.
Apparently there's no such thing as a story that only makes you slightly sad, is there...
Anyway, you deserve all 5 stars and a bottle filled with my tears. Good job!
This is very touching, and I really liked how Sweetie Belle tried to reason with both fillies.
ReplyDeleteExcellent work!
Another good chapter.
ReplyDeleteExcellent stuff!
ReplyDeleteWhat's so wrong about the name Storm Front? wait....
ReplyDelete*googles* oh.... GOD.
Spoiler
ReplyDeleteYeah, decent enough chapter. Its a bit odd how Olive phrased her question about the scooter. "It was given to you by your father, correct?" or something to that regard. That just makes no sense. She is her mother, we already know she knows that. That should have been a statement, "I know your father gave you that scooter, but.." or some such. It kinda took me out of the flow of the story.
Anyway, that's all I got. Like I said, decent enough chapter. I'll be here for the next one.
I still wouldn't have found it necessary to change BOTH characters. Firefly's cutie mark has a legitimate inspiration. In all honesty, I didn't catch it, and I'm not offended by it after the fact.
ReplyDeleteIt's my belief that people can't stay offended by names, concepts or symbols for all eternity, simply because they were once associated with a terrible event. Oh no, two lightning bolts looks like a Nazi symbol, so i should clearly self censor myself and change it, even though I already changed the other detail, and this image has history with MLP.
I'm just very opposed to extreme censorship out of fear. It only speaks of a society that's OK with repressing ideas and is afraid to move on from painful history. Never forget, so you never repeat, but never let it haunt you either.
That's my take anyway...
What @richfiles said X 1000. Society can't progress if they keep relying on censors and political correctness. I never even knew the "offensiveness" of Storm Front before using Google, and even then, it's hidden among the other "innocent" meanings. Plus, it sounds better than Storm Ride. Anyway, I'm not a fan of the CMCs at all (shocking, I know) but this is a really well-written story. Keep it up!
ReplyDelete@Richfiles
ReplyDeleteI get what your saying and in a sense I believe it too, but the one thing I am afraid of most when I write (More then having a bad story) is offending people. That's why I refrain from using jokes or insults at people's races, skin, religion, sexuality, weight and so on. I guess the fact that not many people caught this shows that it's not a big deal, but again I fear insulting people with my writing.
I write because I love it and because I want to make people feel something when they read what I write if I give them the wrong impression I feel bad. Either way, thank you for take and hope you continue to enjoy the story
Why the name change? is it because of this?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.adl.org/hate_symbols/groups_stormfront.asp
Stormfront may refer to:
ReplyDelete-A weather front
-Stormfront Studios, a video game developer
-Stormfront (website), a white nationalist internet forum
-Stormfront, a set from the Pokémon Trading Card Game
I didn't see anyone complaing about that Pokemon card expansion which I'm sure had electric Pokemon with the thunderbolt symbol in it. You were using the name for the innocent meaning, quite frankly I didn't even think twice about it till I saw the note at the top of this chapter.
Anyway good story, i'll be back for the next chapter.
Very nice new chapter. what can I say, other than I want MORE! Lol.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see that much wrong with this chapter, aside from Olive's line that someone else mentioned.
I really liked the fact that you started getting Sweetie Belle's viewon what's going on. I could feel for her, because I've actually been in a situation of trying to mend relationships back together like that.
All I can say is keep going at the pace you're going at. This deserves every one of its Five Stars.
I'm curious to see just where this story goes. Is it gonna be "AB fixes scooter, Scootaloo forgives, both are friends again," or is it gonna become something deeper, like "AB gets involved with loan sharks or something?" Please say it's the latter!
ReplyDeleteDamnit, I made the mistake of reading this before it was complete, and till then it has seriously changed the way I view the CMC episodes. ;___;
ReplyDeleteMore, please! Please keep doing what you're doing as far as staying in-character! 5 Stars if this finishes as strongly as it started, as far as I'm concerned.
ReplyDeleteMore please! I am waiting patiently but it's hard!
ReplyDelete@Sgt. Grub
ReplyDeleteI noticed this too when reading the comments over Past Sins, I felt that most readers (well maybe most of the people in the comments) were trying to be editors instead of just readers and were being overly critical, and I see this in a lot of stories.
As for the singular usage of ya'll, Applejack uses it as singular in the show, so if anything Applebloom is being in character (not sure if Applebloom has ever used it singular, but it would logical to think so, being around AJ and all).
Hmm...ah hear there's a village o' them blank ponies it them thar hills. (My apologies, Apple Bloom, should that occur)
ReplyDelete@showmetheblueprints
ReplyDeleteY'mean editors or reviewers/critics?
One thing that distracts me is when people people use 'ah' for 'I' when someone is speaking in a southern accent. It may just be me.. but I know Apple Bloom is southern, so I read that in my head naturally.
ReplyDeleteIDK, it's just a thing that annoys me.
It's a great story thought, moved me to tears with Scootaloos' dad and all.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI mean it is like they are trying to find errors on purpose (see: editor) instead of just reading and enjoying the story.
@Kitty Kat
ReplyDeleteI agree with this. I think authors should just establish that the character speaks with a southern accent, and then only write it out if they need to emphasize something, like 'Applebloom was furious, her accent as thick as ever, "Ah'm furious!" she shouted.'
Maybe not the best writing but that was just an example.
Just my two cents.
@PacManDan
ReplyDeleteLooks like its the loan sharks after all ... or in this case the Loan Hydra/Manticore/etc.
Wonder how she'll call for a missing cat? If Scootaloo is a chicken does that mean Sweetie Belle is the (scaredy) cat? XD
HOLY SHIT YES!!!!
ReplyDeleteI've been waiting on the new chapter for WEEKS now :I
"Apple Bloom: A secret society. Yeah. We need a name for it though.
ReplyDeleteScootaloo: The Cutie Mark Three?
Sweetie Belle: The Cutastically Fantastics?
Apple Bloom: How about... The Cutie Mark Crusaders?"
Just putting it out there that Applebloom came up with the name.
Can't wait for the next chapter =D.
ReplyDeleteI'm really interested in this story.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was going to say this as well. Its already established in canon how they came up with the name.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_i3n26NieE&t=20m32s
Thus, the intro of this story is false. Don't worry though, still a great fic, and I still enjoyed this chapter...I just love nit-picking more.
Yeah, I forgot about the end. I realized that later after somepoony pointed it out. My bad.
ReplyDeleteI hope she finds the kitten >~<
ReplyDeleteAnother great story to follow.
ReplyDeleteOh man, this sounds like a good premise, but I -hate- reading incomplete stories. But I think I'll break my tradition of waiting till they get a complete tag, I just can't resist!
ReplyDeleteMan, this was great. It almost seemed like it could be an episode, but with just a lot more depth and complexity. Beautiful writing, keep it up. I can't wait for more :)
ReplyDeleteConsidering Twilight payed her 20 bits and that she had 30 in the piggy bank... are you saying that she's only managed to get 20 bits out of helping Flutershy with the birds, moving crates, delivering sacks, wrapping candy, getting groceries, delivering newspapers, and more? That doesn't sound right at all unless she was getting paid one bit for every job. You might want to increase how much she got from all that.
ReplyDelete@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteEasy to fix.
Cheerlie? What's a Cheerlie? A cheery lie?
ReplyDeleteThe teacher pony's name is CHEERILEE.
Lemme spell it for ya:
C H E E R I L E E
Is it really THAT hard?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteDoes it really matter? It's just one e.
Anyway, good story, can't wait for more.
Update?
ReplyDelete@marioandsonic
ReplyDeleteWill this week. I'm justing waiting for one last edit from Midnight.
Part 5! that was exciting, but felt too short.
ReplyDelete@BashfullBrony
ReplyDeleteReally? That's actually the longest chapter I've written for this story.
it 'felt' short. it was all tense and made me read faster.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that they're coming back to their senses, though. keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteYay for logical continuations. I was hoping this would go a direction that'd allow Scoots to rescue Applebloom.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, the filly's dialogues slipped up a few time, but I'm way to into this to give more than a passing damn.
Loving this fic.
Hhm... A nice thing to add when Applejack learns about what Applebloom has been doing would be if she reflected on the Applebuck Season episode and what happened to her when she herself bit off more than she could chew in the working department.
ReplyDeleteThis made me tear up. The characters are written so well; Apple Bloom's guilt and Scootaloo's sorrow feel real and appropriate for their age. Poor Sweetie Bell, trying to reconcile her friends :( I loved the scene where she can't eat lunch since she was forced to act as the go-between for her friends.
ReplyDeletePlease update soon! Also, I'm not sure if you have a pre-reader but there are a few recurring grammatical mistakes (like mixing up "your" and "you're"). Nothing big but the characterizations are so good that it's a shame to see small things like that!
this is a really good story i cant wait to see how it ends
ReplyDeleteVery nice story, I too can't wait to see how it ends.
ReplyDeleteBut about the typos... there were kind of a lot, I wrote up the ones I found so you can easily correct it:
2nd page middle: Yet a part of her wanted to tell her big sister about the her feelings
4th page middle-bottom: Applejack said as they three of them hurried outside.
11th page top: Twilight opened the box and lifted out a small dark green crystal with ruins (runes?) on it that was held by a black leather necklace.
16th page middle-top: Apple Bloom was truly sorry for what she and done and Scootaloo did nothing, but ignore and hate her.
And I don't know what could replace this word, but it seemed that all the ponies had a "stupefied" expression at least once, and the use of the word felt repetetive.
I loved it. Can't wait for (the finishing?) part 6 :3
ReplyDelete@qzole
ReplyDeleteStupefied... hmm... astonished, dumbfounded, shocked... amazed...
I cant wait for the finished fanfic.
ReplyDeleteI shed a manly tear reading this.
Is this fanfic still being continued, or is it like many of the other fanfics I like and just been abandoned?
ReplyDelete@ImaCreepyBrony
ReplyDeleteThere is one more chapter and I'm working on it right now. I will finish this I promise.
Awesome. Can't wait for more.
ReplyDelete@Rated-R PonyStar
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see it!
I like this story a lot. Thanks! Sweetie Belle is actually my favorite of the CMC and I really felt for her, caught in the middle as she was. I am patiently awaiting the end. Take as long as you need to finish it well. 5/5 stars.
ReplyDeleteSeems to be a recurring theme in any lost-in-the-woods fanfics: when in danger, jump into the nearest river.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story. I think I rated it 4/5 when it first began, but for the life of me I can't remember why. Each part just got better and better, and by the time the finale rolled around I was on the edge of my seat.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy fics that are episodic in nature, and this is definitely one of those fics. I feel like the plot (and the lesson) would easily fit in as a legitimate extended episode. All the ponies were in character and each of them, particularly Scootaloo, were written with a depth that's a cut above most fanfictions. I was quite impressed overall.
If I could offer something constructive to say other than lots of deserved praise, I would say to avoid the use of cliche. In the last part specifically it seemed like cliches were applied liberally--here's a few that stuck out, to paraphrase, "a cat out of ponyhell," "my world shattered like glass," "her body was thrown around like a rag doll," etc. Because phrases like this are so overused, it lessens the impact of what's happening. To use the rag doll one as an example, instead of falling back on the cliche, write a simile or metaphor that illustrates the same idea, something like "Scootaloo's body was tossed around like a twig in a typhoon." It still displays how helpless Scootaloo is in this situation, and even relates to her surroundings, giving better context. Cliches are useful, but overused they can be distracting.
I still really liked the story as a whole, and would read it again in a heartbeat. 5/5
Very well done story conveyed emotion well some typos but such is life whats your next project if you know yet?
ReplyDeleteAn excellent story that was very emotional at times, but ended just as an episode of FiM should. I was especially glad to see some atention paid to Sweetie Belle, who was kind of neglected in the story for awhile. Good to see positive interaction between her and Rarity.
ReplyDeleteThe last chapter felt a little bit rushed to me, but that tends to be a common problem when an author is nearing the end of a story. A nice added dimension might have been to see some interaction between Apple Bloom and her family in the hospital room after the rescue, perhaps explaining her actions, apologizing, and confirming that she'd learned a lesson.
One part of the story that I didn't understand the inclusion of was Twilight's explaination to Spike about her experiment, the differences in magic between the types of ponies, and what she was hoping to accomplish. It seemed out of place and unrelated to the rest of the story.
All in all, however, a great story. Well written with only a few noticable typos. Well done!
Hmm. I found the end to be a bit anticlimactic for some reason. And I couldn't even tell you why exactly. I think I would have liked to see just a bit more conversation between the three girls then there was. And also maybe a glimpse of the reunion between Sweeite Belle and Rarity (since the other two were unconscious).
ReplyDeleteOther then that though, I enjoyed the story enough.
Thanks for reading everypony! Yeah, I make Typo's here and there, but not as bad as other people do. Yes it's a bit cliche at the end, but I kinda wanted it to be somewhat like an episodic fic you know? Still, I take all Criticism so I can writer better.
ReplyDeleteAs for my next project? I'm kinda busy these days working at Gentlecolts and school. But I do have a few short story ideas. As for my first epic length story...that's going to take awhile and some planning. I'm expecting past 100 pages for that one...maybe 200.
Y'know, I realized something while reading the latest chapter: it's easy to pick monsters to inhabit the Everfree Forest. Just open up a D&D Monster's Manual and pick something!
ReplyDelete@BlankFlankBrony
ReplyDeleteThat's what i did!
Hmmm...a sad tag?
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the sad-fic about Scootaloo not to long ago I might just end up having nightmares if I read this one. Anyone care to convince me to red it anyway?
Wow, I totally did not expect a krenshar to show up there. D&D ref, ftw.
ReplyDeleteHey wow, been waiting on this one to complete. Off to read!
ReplyDeleteIts a beautiful fanfic, I don't think you can improve it. The non-canon part doesn't bother me.
ReplyDelete^ And I mean that as in, "Its already perfect".
ReplyDelete@Sketch Scribbles
ReplyDeleteActually no, Seth just put that up for reasons I don't know...hey worked out in the end!
To anybody who's bummed by the last Scootaloo sad-fic, I say read this one anyway. The sadness in this one is not as intense and the main story has some solid action sequences. I would call it a 'page-turner,' if pages were involved.
ReplyDeleteGOD DAMIT WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SAD FANFICTION!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI"M GETTING DEPRESSED.
@Hivemindits sooo worth it, it has a happier ending^^
ReplyDelete@Hivemind Its worth it , it has a happier ending that the other scoots one^^
ReplyDeletealso baddass song at the end there^^
Amazing. Just amazing! I sat down and read all of it in one. I bow for the creator of this story.
ReplyDeleteA lovely way to wrap it all up.
ReplyDeleteI liked the ending very much. Thank you! An excellent fiction overall.
ReplyDeleteI have one criticism: the writing seems to repetitive; meaning you repeat words and ideas often, sometimes in the same paragraph. This does not take away from the story, but makes the writing seem a little clunky.
Also, on a more personal level, I think it was a little odd for Scootaloo to wake up with only her mother there, but everyone around Apple Bloom. I know that Bloom was injured worse, but, to me, it just felt like nopony particularly cared about Scoots.
I have to say that of all the stories ive read, this has got to be the best. It made me feel for every single crusader; it made me break down inside. Damn good, i wish they would make this an actual episode, with a bit of child friendly changes.
ReplyDelete"If you find Apple Bloom, have one of your unicorns send up blue sparks into the air and we’ll know that she’s safe before meeting back here. If you’re in trouble, just shoot up red sparks and we’ll come help.” I smell a Harry Potter here... >.>
ReplyDeleteAnyway, nice story. The time it took to update however and the length of the parts made me lost interest in it and by the time the last part came out all I could do was make myself skim through it.:/ Other than that though, nice job!
-AdmiralCubie