[Shipping] "I'm always amazed by how much depth background characters are given in their fan fiction. With this fic, however, I was completely blown away." - Pre Reader #12
Author: Melionos
Description: Shortly after her lyre is desecrated by magically altered parasprites, an irritated Lyra receives a package from a pony she hasn't heard from in years. And if the contents are anything to judge by, that pony misses her very much...Black and White
Black and White (Kindle Version)
Additional Tags: JUST READ IT
Also an audio book for you lazy people!
138 comments:
I had the privilege to preview this story as it was being written, and I have to say that Octavia's text makes me think a lot of Valerie's letter from V for Vendetta. And I can think of no higher praise to give it.
ReplyDeleteVery good. I felt compelled to give it a five star and I only half finished reading it.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story is all I can say.
ReplyDeleteHold on, I... *sniff* ...seem to have something in my eye...
ReplyDeleteWhat Narwhal above me said... I'm still reading... yet already I can see myself giving this a five star... Gotta keep reading though, but so far, so very, very good.
ReplyDeleteI thought of Valerie's Letter.
ReplyDeleteI thought of everything.
*Stands up, slow claps*
This requires a [sad] tag. Also, it was very very good.
ReplyDeleteIf this doesn't get 6 stars, I will personally remind Seth Trixie isn't real.
ReplyDeleteI'm 21 years old, and tears are streaming down my face. This is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI defer my recommendation to the additional tags.
ReplyDeleteIts alright but theres a distinct lack of differentiation between characters in their dialogue although I notice you put emphasis on context moreso than dialogue and evdence of characterisation is found in this context.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh, do I have to read this? That review... those tags... I've never actually read a good shipping fanfic before, bu-
ReplyDelete*Le fifteen 5-star ratings in less than an hour*
...dammit.
*Reads*
Wow.
Dear god this is awesome. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteDammit, you challenge my belief that spark is the best fic ever written, no fic has ever done that before, I have no higher praise than that, instant 6 star, I love you.
ReplyDeleteBravo Melionos. Bravo. While it was not enough to bring me to tears, it was a beautiful and well written tale. It deserves every five star rating it will receive.
ReplyDeleteThat is some serious fan-fiction rite thar. Without a doubt, one of the best I've read.
ReplyDeleteGod I love this community.
Wow. I never knew shipping something other than LyraxBonbon could ever be good. Way to prove me wrong. 5 Stars
ReplyDeleteThat was so... depressing. I think I need to eat a hoof-full of nails now to make sure I can still feel feelings.
ReplyDeleteGosh darnit i can't see the rating thing. :(
ReplyDeleteThis thing deserves my voooooottte.
That was definately bittersweet. I was enamored. I still am. INCREDIBLY well written, and the story flowed beautifully. God this was good... Like REALLY good. Pretty much perfect, though I can't say it IS perfect since I'm no English and Grammar whiz (Evidenced by the fact that if I use large words, they're most likely misspelled. Derp), but I'm pretty sure there wasn't a grammarical mistake anywhere in that story, though I'm most likely wrong. I sympathize with Octavia as well. Though instead of a mask of complete apathy, I act completely STUPID in public, and I have no idea how to interact with people outside of my own little bubble. I've never felt that kind of love for someone though, or at least I've never had an oppertunity to become that enamored with someone I like. 5 stars, deserves the 6-star rating.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't worry about it being personal. I TRIED to write a fic that was based on a personal experience, and it got shot down due to the fact that I had no idea how to end it. If it is based on personal experiences, it usually adds an emotional punch to it. You KNOW how the character feels, and you only need to convert your voice into theirs to get a good effect.
Manly tears
ReplyDeleteThis was a sad story, and brilliantly written. Well done, very deserving of 5 stars, 6 even.
ReplyDeleteTop notch. Insta 5 star.
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent, definitely deserves five stars.
ReplyDeleteTHIS. Was BEAUTIFUL. That is all.
ReplyDelete*slow claps along with everypony else*
I suppose we all wear masks. I like the way Octavia writes, it's exactly how I would write in a journal (although I might sidetrack more).
ReplyDeleteGreat story, really drove home how Octavia would feel. It's original, and the use of real life people as a basis for characters makes it more believable.
Just finished the whole thing... and I have to agree, one of the best fanfics I've seen on this site, and EqD being EqD, that's certainly saying something.
ReplyDeleteMy favourite part is perhaps the way Octavia's parts were written... Of a soul putting up a stone cold exterior while trying to contain the raging, aching loneliness within.
The letter in particular was heart breaking to read, especially when I realized that Octavia is supposed to be writing to someone whom she perceived as her soul-mate, yet even so she cannot help but to put up her usual stone-like mannerism, her words dignified yet distant.
Five stars, for sure.
This fiction got to me, partly because Octavia/the RL person behind Octavia seems to have gone through similar situations I have, and partly because I've known people who even further fill that role than I did.
ReplyDeleteGrammatically, it flowed beautifully, was written well, and kept a steady pace. Which is no small feat, mind you.
I need to frequent the MMO-Champ MLP thread more often, it seems!
I can honestly say that I have never related to a story so much or cried to this extent while reading fan-fics. This is an amazing story. Well done. Would also recommend a [Sad] tag.
ReplyDeleteI cannot approve of this enough.
ReplyDeleteSad, but sweet, and very well written.
SEVEN stars.
I'm going to have to agree with the pre-reader's comment. It's a testament to your creativity that you are capable of shaping a pony that had zero spoken lines, and that only appeared in one small scene in the entire season, into such a complex character. Have a life experience to base it on helps, but that doesn't make it any less amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredible story... I used to think of fanfiction as being creepy and such, but stories like this made me love it. Thank you.
This is heartbreaking and beautiful and brilliant. Thank you so much for this amazing tale.
ReplyDeleteBravissimo!
ReplyDeleteI'm not one for sad/love-type stories, but this, along with Cupcakes and Bubbles, got the tears flowing down my cheeks.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I can relate (somewhat) to Octavia's/the author's story, and that, along with the emotion flowing through this story, brought me to tears.
This is an amazing story; thank you so much for taking the time to write it up for us.
Alright everypony, stop writing. This person has won fanfiction. ;D
ReplyDeleteSeriously, that was the best piece of fanficition I've ever read. Fantastic work.
Being the prereader in question up there, I can assure everyone here that I meant every word of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see this story is getting the praise it deserves. And I'm glad to see that there's always plenty of material for me to challenge myself to match in this fandom. Keep being awesome, guys.
Manly tears
ReplyDeleteI don't think people realize this.
ReplyDeleteMelionos, *internet hug*
If you're happy now, thats fantastic. If not as happy as you'd like to be...iknowthatfeel.jpg
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteDid I say you could leave your cage Pre-reader #21?!
er 12
Or whatever
BACK TO WORK!
MMO-C ponies represent.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, great read sparks. It definitely pulled a few strings on my end from similar experiences. Instant 6 stars.
/brohoof
Uncanny really. A mask adorns my face as well. Not for the same reasons, but it does the same thing.
ReplyDeleteGreat story.
@Sethisto
ReplyDeleteNO PLEASE
DON'T PUT ME BACK IN THE CAGE
IT'S DARK IN THERE
AND TRIXIE IS A TERRIBLE HOUSEKEEPER
Jeez, warn us if the story is going to be sad. I don't mind sad fics, but THAT was just cruel!
ReplyDeleteThat aside, I can't believe you thought about depriving this site of this piece. If this doesn't belong on the site, then I suppose nothing else does.
As Billy Joel once said...
ReplyDeleteWell we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on
This story tugged at all my heart strings as deftly and as skillfully as Lyra plays
I feel like I'm going to be like Octavia when she was in music school once I myself get to music school.
ReplyDeleteThis story needs a Sad tag, it made me sad.
ReplyDeleteVery touching story. I understand some references placed in there. And I'm all for the ending. Well written, thought out and executed. Kudo's, highest rattings are deserved.
ReplyDeleteMelionos, thank you. What a beautiful piece. *crys manly tears*
ReplyDeleteWow. Reflecting what everyone else has said: That was some damn fine fanfiction. I managed to keep the tears in check, but don't think I wasn't moved.
ReplyDeleteReally, the only very, very small nitpick I had was at the mention of "November 6, 2007". I guess this is just a personal preference or whatever, but seeing a date from our current timeline appearing in the pony world kinda took me out of the story for a second. Other than that, that's literally the only complaint I had. That should be an indicator of quality right there, that that's the biggest problem I had with this fic.
Fantastic job. I don't know if I'll ever be able to see Octavia again without this story coming to mind.
And if this really is based on true events, then...my heart goes out to you. Can't say I've been in this situation, but...loneliness, not understanding your purpose for existing...Lord knows I've been there.
Im honestly lying here crying over this story. you made me cry over ponies... bravo my good man, bravo
ReplyDeleteI endorse this, for whatever that means.
ReplyDeleteI endorse it gladly.
Flawless.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful in every way. I already sent the Brony responsible an email telling how amazing it was.
ReplyDeleteEveryone who wants to know what a good fan-fiction is should read this.
This is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI've never read any fanfics before I've discovered MLP:FIM. I've been in my share of fandoms, too. Previously very few stories were interested me, and those I've attempted to read were just horribly written. But with FIM...wow. I've lost count of how many amazing fanfics I've read.
I seriously love this fandom.
Needs a [sad] tag, and it's simply amazing, it should go under 5 or 6 star in the story archive.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of things I could say about this, but I've simply narrowed it down. Part of me wants to complain that this is "overwritten"- it threatens to veer from prose into poetry, which really never comes out well. And yet it WORKS. Octavia's POV is a interesting place to be- she's had a bit of a sad time, but she's really self-indulgent with her life. Seeing how little perspective seems to have come her way (and given the lack of honest-to-god tragedy in Equestria, I don't really anypony), her overly poetic response ends up really fitting the character. When it comes to our own perceptions, failed love is agony and misery, and someone who feels the need to point out worse things that of happened simply doesn't get how much live hurts, even without any physical damage. One thing to watch out for is the old struggle with "show don't tell"- the opening with Derpy was really sweet but the line "Derpy giggled as she laid the parcel on the table, her true nature disguised beneath the girlish laughter" comes off as a touch problematic- enough good metaphor has been used to establish that Derpy is no fool, so taking about her "true nature" is telling and recursive- I found it unnecessary, but it makes me sound terrible pedantic. Forgive me.
ReplyDeleteThis story is extremely touching and certainly reminds me of missed opportunities for love- extremely painful memories, and you really couldn't have done a better job than being able to bring those to the forefront of my mind. 5/5 stars for sure. Bravo. Bravo.
I really enjoyed this story, it resonated within me and reminds me of my own life. I liked the poetic way Octavia wrote, she must have mulled these events over in her mind for years. Melonios, thank you for writing this, I hope you're happier noq.
ReplyDeleteA story can sometimes dredge up memories and feelings of the past that carry to now.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely one of them. Well done.
This was brilliant, and had me in tears. I relate to this way too well. The masks, the hurt,the uncertainty, the gray path. This could be my story, except for the fact that it was so well written. If you are still in this place hon, know you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteHoly jeepers. This was one of the most touching stories I've read.
ReplyDeleteAn exemplary piece of literature in all senses.
When I hit the Author's Notes though it really hit me, and everything you'd said in the story had a deeper and more personal meaning.
That was beautiful. Not only in how well it was written, but in how much of an impact it had on me. I guess a lot of us can proabably relate to Octavia in this, but damn, her pain felt really familiar to me. I do the same damn thing. My mask is that of the cool, collected guy everyone can count on but never shares his own issues. It might not be the same mask, but it puts me in the same spot. Particularly in regards to this one girl I know. I get the sense that I'm the only one there for her and, despite how much I want her, I can never bring myself to say anything out of a fear that I'd disrupt the status quo. It's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't know why I typed all that. Confound this fanfic, it drives me to vent!
Anyway, if you end up reading this comment, I just want you to know that this actually helped me put some stuff in perspective, so thank you for that. Also, things like this are what inspire me to be a better writer. Please, please, keep it up!
Never in my life would I ever consider being moved by a shipping fic (usually not my cup of tea), But this story has definitely done it.
ReplyDeleteBy far, my favorite part was Octavia's and Lyra's duet. I could almost see them on the stage, hear them playing. Like a scene in a film. It was extremely moving. I almost forgot that this was a fan fiction featuring multicolored ponies. It felt like I was reading a professional story. a professional story that needs to be published.
Well done! Well done indeed!
This was amazing, and I can definitely relate. This needs 7 stars.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
Wow.
ReplyDeleteI don't have have a profound statement, I don't have a point to make and I certainly don't have any snippet of wisdom to share. What I do have is a recommendation. Read this, read it and feel it, and above all enjoy it. I'm going to bed now, but... I'm happy. Truly happy I read this.
Pastel
im just at a loss of words.
ReplyDelete10 star tag needed,
Pulitzer prize deserved...
Those author notes really make this story even more incredible than it already was. Three things have made me cry in the past 10 years, all of them Pony fics: The Circle of Friends challenge, Bittersweet, and this. Two hooves up. 6/5 stars
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit upset that this isn't a part of the actual story. It should be.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story.
ReplyDeleteOne of the rare ones who are so well written, I forget to do anything but read it.
When I, at the end there, read that it was based on your own life...
Good luck dude, with whatever it is you'll be doing onwards.
-The Jack
take all my stars.
ReplyDeletetake them.
I don't read fics often, but for some reason this one pulled me in from the description.
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm at a loss of words on how to describe this.
Emotion was captured so well, and for it to flesh out their backgrounds like this...agh, we need more writing like this, plain and simple.
Beautiful, really. I'd admit I was a little disappointed at some assumptions that were made to get the story flow (like 90% of Ponyville pop is female), but really, this detracted only a minimum from this fantastic read.
ReplyDeleteAnd then the author notes... oh Celestia, that made it 10 times better.
I wish you good luck in whatever you will do, Melionos. And take these 5 stars, they're all yours.
O___O
ReplyDeleteOMG I need to re-read!
This is so good!
Hmm. This story just leaves me wanting :P I'm one for happy endings, so I can't really handle an ending like this. I see nothing but praise. Means it must be good. I certainly didn't find it bad. But yeah, I wasn't really touched by it... I don't know if that would have been different with a happier ending. Maybe?
ReplyDeleteIn the end, it all probably comes down to personality. I can't relate to this Octavia, which is purely because I'm me. It has nothing to do with your writing. But that is probably why the story, ultimately, does little but make me want to see her find happiness. The open ending of it just leaves me with an unsatisfied feeling which takes away some of the joy.
I guess it simply comes down to this: Regardless of the quality of this story, its just not for me.
Just, wow. Wow.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit that's a long fic...
ReplyDeleteBut i'm thinking there should be summaries of fan fiction stories somewhere on the internet right? any ideas where can i find them?
It's not long. It actually reads very quick. And while it conveyed a lot of excellent emotion it made me wonder 'Where are all of the therapist ponies in Equestria?!' Still, as prose it is excellent. The only thing I think that would have made it better is if Octavia had intended Lyra to get it only after she left, but Derpy was faster than Octavia anticipated. Otherwise this book seems just a touch manipulative. Like Octavia is tossing one last guilt trip before she leaves. But that's just a niggling thought I had. Truly it's quite obvious she's in pain. It's just a pity that she can not talk about it.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell if I'm supposed to be sad, or some other emotion. I think I'm just going to be grey. 6/5 stars
ReplyDeleteI think I was a tad put off at first by how, well, emo Octavia is, but... around the time I got to the masks, her words were moving me. I like that Lyra calls her 'Tavy'.
ReplyDeleteWait, so, the songs actually happen? With the spotlights and everything? Ponies are truly the most magical creatures ever. That was a very odd ending; I mean, the absurdity of it snapped me out of the spell the rest of the story had woven. But I'm okay with this, and I don't hate you. Thanks for a great tale.
Mitsu from MMO-C pony thread here, that was an incredible story, having a real life story to work with on it gives it such an edge.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a quote I love
We all put up walls, but even behind those walls we wear masks, then who do we show our true selves to?
i have no idea what i just read, but something tells me to give it 5 stars.
ReplyDeleteMy first fanfic I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteIt was beautiful it brought me to tears. It has inspired me to be a better writer.
It was just...so awesome.
As I sit here crying as I type this, I'm happy to say this introduced me to fan fiction here on Equestria Daily.
If a story inspires me to become a better person, and make's me compare my life to that story, it's safe to say this is worthy of more then stars.
My praise goes to the author.
Thank You,
Jake "Jakeinator" Smith
The details of emotion and philosophy in the story played together beautifully, like Octavia's duet with Lyre.
ReplyDeleteI'm almost everyone here has had a period like this in their life, and undoubtedly most readers here shed some tears.
So, as I'm writing this review, I raise a tissuebox to you, Melionos. Thanks for the wonderful and touching story mate, cheers.
Wow... just wow... really awesome, read it before i went to bed, it really deserves the JUST READ IT tag, it really has another read then the usual fanfic, espeically after reading the FIN notes.
ReplyDeleteI felt a sad after eading those and it made me think for a while...
I can only say you'll find what you deserve oneday, never give up, never surrender, youve shown that you can stood out of the grey and this is what really matters, beingt stuck in such a position is the worst what could happen, but you showed you got the impulse and you could step out of it.
I wish you the best of luck.
WolfJoe
Also, you know that feeling when a story is so good, you want to read it again or else you feel bad.
ReplyDeleteThis story gives me that feeling.
I hope to see more of this author in the future. Maybe a story on a bit more insight on Octavia's future exploits of possible.
Best fic I've ever read, for probably all the wrong reasons. Octavia here is, word for word, action for action, me. Even the literary style is the exact same way I think to myself, and subsequently write in personal journals.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most important things to me is knowing myself, the good and the bad, inaccurate as it is to put it that way. I despise sugarcoating things and dismissive attitudes, instead forcing myself to be unflinchingly truthful in every thought I have, and pursue every possibility in my mind. I actively look for triggers that cause such opportunities, relishing the chance to learn and grow.
This, though? This caught me completely off–guard. It showed me a few things about myself that had never occured to me, and frankly left me in something of a shocked stupor; apparently to the point where I didn't even want to think about it initially.
This post is actually a rewrite. The first one was far less coherent, as I spent most of my time literally glancing off to the side every few seconds to look at something — anything — to distract, divert and bury the thoughts brought forth by this story. Kind of a silly thing to do, now that I think about it.
That's how eye–opening this was to me. It's not eloquently put, but it's the best I can do to describe the information I've learned about myself.
Anyway, I of course mean all of this in the best way imaginable. Not only is it one of the best stories I've ever read, but, silly as it may sound, one of the most useful and important. Seriously, I can't express how important it is to me. My only regret is that I've no proper way of thanking you, other than to say “thanks.”
So, thanks. I truely mean it.
Agreeing with the other praise. But I'm going to add mostly criticism. Because the more universal the praise, the more I feel the need to express my concerns. Brony fanficition can always be improved through the power of friendship!
ReplyDeleteAs much as I found the story quite beautiful and musical in it's construction, I had a few minor qualms, and one major issue.
The first is Octavia's admission of fillyfoolery -- that doesn't make sense considering she's writing to Lyra peronsally and in retrospect, so why would she need to "justify" her preferences unless it's the author justifying his/her own position to the reader? It feels out of character and mars the otherwise consistent first-person narrative.
Another minor issue is that I think you missed a key character development opportunity in Octavia; while it might deviate from your personal experience (it would seem writing this fic might have been cathartic), I feel that Octavia, from what little other have imagined about her and how you characterized her, would have become more acadmeically/musically aggresive in her third year. It would be this throwing herself into her craft that would bring attention (to others and herself) the sadness in her music, that she finds she communicates from beyond the mask through music and not words. It would be the duet with Lyra that caused her to fully understand this about herself.
Thirdly, I found the final scene confusing. I had a hard time trying to figure out what Lyra's intention was, or how it fit into an episode, or what I was supposed to "take" from it.
Finally, my most major concern. I find it disheartening that everyone connects with this fic because of the "forever alone" stereotype of bronies, or being stuck in the friend-but-never-a-boyfriend state. This bothers me because there is a failure to understand Octavia's true struggle. She fails to find herself in music school, and becomes ever more unsure of who she is anymore. She always defines her own happiness in the acceptance by those around her, and therefore ensnares herself further in a dead emotional state. Missed opportunities were not her core problem, she wasn't MAKING opportunities for her own happiness.
In an alternate ending to this fic, I can imagine her reaching out to Vinyl Scratch again. And then learning that it was Vinyl who felt rejected by Octavia because she was so withdrawn and disengaged. In this fashion, Octavia might learn something more about how those masks could negatively affect those around her.
Also, her mother is mentioned several times, yet she makes no attempt in the decade to change this (or explain how she tries and fails). I think that bit should be cut (or mentioned once); again I think this is too much of the author showing through.
Not much of a comment, but this is one of the best fanfictions I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteThis story was amazing. It has to be the greatest fanfic I've ever read so far.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys so much! This means a lot to me, really, it does.
ReplyDelete@pr0ntab
Constructive criticism is *always* helpful, and if I take it personally, then I've failed as an author.
Firstly, in regards to Octavia's admission, the book wasn't intended to be written only for Lyra.
I agree that I missed a good opportunity for a little more character development in her third year, and in hindsight I definitely should've tried threading in more development of her relation to music in general.
The final scene was really odd to write, because it was part of the 20% of the story that's made up, so I essentially wrote what I think will happen. Lyra's intention was to brighten Octavia's day with music, which she did to some degree. The point of the ending was to be slightly ambiguous as to what I wanted the reader to feel; in effect, grey. Even as I read it myself, *I'm* not sure what I'm supposed to feel. Sad that Octavia's leaving? Happy that she's smiling? Sad that she's still alone? Happy that Lyra reconciled, somewhat?
The ending was really supposed to convey the ambiguity of grey; it's not purely happy or sad, just a mix of the two.
As for her mother...in retrospect it was probably too much self-projection at that point. I could waffle on about the fact that she's only tangentially mentioned is a sign of how disconnected Octavia is to her, but that most definitely was not my original intention. Thank you. I'll certainly be watching for signs of over-self-projection leading to needlessly unanswered questions in the future. :)
I'd love to write about a rebuilding of her friendship with Vinyl, but unlike most of the rest of the story, I have no real-life experience to draw from when it comes to the reconstruction of this particular friendship, if it will ever happen at all. And as of this moment, I don't plan on writing any continuations or alternate endings.
It took several readings of your major concern to realize that it was directed at readers and not me. I feel like an idiot now. (._.)
At any rate, thank you. This is my first 6-star story now (*squee*), and hearing someone else not only tell me that I can still improve, but tell me how, is serious motivation to keep writing and getting better.
Thank you pr0ntab for your criticism, and thanks everyone else for the kind words!
I'm not gonna lie, I thought the concept was very good, but I must be the one guy who thought octavia's book, and the first person chumks, a complete chore to read through.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be the one mean party pooper hype backlash guy, but every time the story shifted back to octavia, I found myself groaning. it kept repeating itself, rambling, droning on, and quite frankly more than a few times felt like it was just not bothering to show and not tell.
that and while I get the ending is supposed to be ambiguous, I just plain couldn't make out what exactly happened until someone else explained it to me... but I won't hold that against the story, as that's probably just me being too dumb to read again.
I mean, I get that it's supposed to convey the routine she was stuck in. and I have ltttle sympathy for people that are depressed ebcause they aren't unique and notable. I know there were more reasons than that, but it's just one of my pet peeves when people feel like they can all be unique and special and noticed.
ReplyDeletethey can't. that's how the world is. stop obsessing over it.
then again I've never been one for individuality compared to collectivism.
then again, it could just be me hating a fic for being completely loved as a bit of writers jealousy. I'm not gonna deny I suffer it. if this is the case I apologize for being a complete ass about this.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Adrian Brony
ReplyDelete"This week my very talented friend Rarity learned that if you try to please everypony, you oftentimes end up pleasing nopony, especially yourself."
I know it's a little dismissive, but it'd be stupid and incredibly presumptuous of me to assume that everyone will love this story. And you're not being an ass, you're expressing your opinion without flaunting it like it's gospel truth. You're also being honest about your jealousy, which is totally understandable, believe me. Both of these (and the fact that you admitted it) are a testament to your maturity. Kudos to you, kind sir, for being honest and not afraid to stand out (because from what I hear, th few people chatting about this in Google Docs were afraid to post their criticisms out of fear of fan-retribution >.>).
@Melionos
ReplyDeleteheh, thanks for being understanding. I'm sure it's a good fic, heh. I don't mean anything personal.
loved it, I could perfectly relate to octavia's personality and her actions. I hated her for hesitating after Lyra broke up with Cloudburst but I know I would've done the exact same thing and I would've hated myself for that, too.
ReplyDeleteThe ending was kind of strange and sudden, you could've explained what octavia was feeling more detailed
but overall it's a nice fanfic and definitely worth reading
I came, I read, I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!
ReplyDeletePerfectly done my friend!
I'm making a list of my top 10 best Fanfics i have read and yours hits number 4!
i've only gotten 5 up to now. =P
but yeah I'm not into octavia but i loved this!
5 seconds. Five God damned seconds. That's how long Octavia was on screen in the final episode. All you got was a brief glance at her and her instrument, and you made it into this piece of art. You, sir, are fantastic. Being in Octavia's hooves more than once in my life, I felt the emotional tug within as I was reading. You succinctly captured the thoughts of an aching heart, all spawning from that five seconds and a pony who sits on park bunches funnily. Please write more. This was amazing, and I loved every second of it
ReplyDeleteWow. Very good, but I agree that it ought to have the [sad] tag.
ReplyDeleteThis cannot be based on a true story... I cannot imagine such a sad experience happen to anyone. Best of wishes, Melionos
ReplyDelete:'(
I didn't read this yet - though I did listen the audiobook version by Scorch. At least based on that this is easily 5-star worthy. It stirred strong emotions in me. Will give this an actual read and see how it feels as a read story this time.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's over.
ReplyDeleteI could say quite a bit about Octavia wasting her prowess by lamenting what she lacks, and about the necessity of always wearing a mask for (very literally) surviving, but this is a comment, not an essay or thought-experiment. Suffice it to say, 5/5; good job on making a character so easy to conflate oneself with (and thus to, in some ways, hate). I did not "love it" per se, but was obviously affected and found no grammatical annoyances. Efficaciously done - you should be proud of this work, and of your own talent at capturing one of life's little puzzles.
This was simply amazing. i found myself overwhelmed with emotions during multiple points in the story. Most notably the auditorium scene, which i can't begin to tell you how beautifully written and gripping it was. I liked the sort-of epilogue-ish bit at the end, talking of the stories basis. I should have figured it out sooner (i fell kind of stupid) but a story with that magnitude of emotional power can only be written from experience. After reading this, i am considering editing my attempt at a fanfic into first person because of how powerful this was.... Thank you for an amazing story.
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing it.
Okay...
ReplyDeleteLemme just say that, before reading this story, I had no interest in the character of Octavia at all. Like, seriously, none...whatsoever.
However, I am deeply grateful that I took the time to read (well, listen to thanks to an awesome audiobook on YouTube) this story, I have a whole new respect for her, even if it is all fiction.
It took no effort to read (listen) on, the story is so gripping, you just need to know what's going to happen next. Each character had so much depth, you'd never believe this wasn't canon.
I feel the writer's pain (I've been there too, buddy), and because of it, I have this newfound respect and admiration of Octavia. So thank you, Melionos, for a touching, gripping, and truly awe-inspiring story.
And anyone who hasn't read this yet, just do it; your time will be well invested.
That hurt. In the best way I can imagine. It's hard to find a story so compelling.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't stop reading.
I think it deserves five stars, even six. But, that's just me.
332 ratings and t has a perfect 5 stars. I think a new rating deserves to be minted specifically for this story. 6^10 stars. The coloration of the ratings text will be white, grey and black. That is all. My mind was blown.
ReplyDeleteI gave it a listen on the merit of "Hey, it's that same guy that's doing the audio book for Fallout Equestria," but didn't care for it. Shipping isn't really my thing, but even if it was, this brand of storytelling kills me - not much happens, but it was still a 53 minute audio recording. While I'm all for depth in stories, the monologues droned on and on.
ReplyDeleteI've never cryed when i've read a fic before(though i got close once). but this one left me teary eyed. i hope your future isn't always grey.
ReplyDeleteI returned to this post on random browsing. And just thinking about the story gave me enough shivers to raise my hairs involuntary. In my book, that's 6-star worthy; when your subconscious is telling you that the story is awesome, you listen.
ReplyDelete<3
Nevermind, now that I read story again, and the author's notes... *sigh* now I *really* feel this a genuinely good story. And not only because the best fiction is based on truths.
ReplyDeletePeace out.
Congratulations, you did it.
ReplyDelete-Kavonn
Normally I have a gigantic wall of text I carefully suggest to the authors of the fics I read after I'm finished with them but by thunder this one has defeated me.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
That's all I can say. Five stars.
-SR
My god, this story is absolutely beautiful, well written, well thought out.
ReplyDeleteI hardly stopped to breath when reading this, I was just so thrown out of my seat, just amazing.
You have ruined all Lyra/BonBon fics for me, because now I don't want Lyra to be with anypony other than Octavia. But damn you, you beautiful sunnuvamare, you wrote the most hauntingly touching fanfic I've ever had the pleasure to read.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit.... This is deep. I teared up a couple times, but this kept me anchored in a melancholy state of emotion. I have been through a bit of Octavia's Loneliness. I Feel some of her pain, But I am not yet out of High School, and have yet to experience the full extent of the pain described in this story. But I have felt a fraction of it.
ReplyDeleteThis is really beautiful. Some of these sentences are now my favorite quotes. I've never read a more emotional or tear-inducing story in my life. I thank you for sharing this story with all of us.
ReplyDeleteThis was fantastic. I loved the way Octavia was characterized and her story written. Sounds a lot like myself, actually.
ReplyDeleteThe one quip I have is with the mentioning of 2007 as a date. That seemed kinda weird. But yours is the only story thus far in which I've found zero grammatical errors. You're awesome.
Like many of the commentators, I related to Octavia, which was a revelation by itself. When I saw that this was written by experience...
ReplyDeleteMelionos, best of luck to you, for whatever that may be worth. I could go on about how this affected me, but I don't know that answer yet.
Tears of Manliness. They were shred.
ReplyDeleteTears of 'I know 'dat feel brony' were shred when I read the author notes.
I bet'cha this have been told a thousand times, but if so, then I'll merely join the crowd: Always stand strong, always press forward. Accept, adapt, endure. Such is the way of life
Also. Now I want to have Octarvia shipped with Macintosh.. Favourite Stallion and Mare now.
Write more. Write from the heart, just like us musicians play from it! (:
This fic dropped me into an emotional state where I started doubting the choices I made in life... Bravo sir, you moved me.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI don't read a lot of fan-fic, but I can say, without a doubt, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteThis is sad. Maybe it hit me harder because I feel like this could have been me had I not changed. I stopped being as open as I had been before I became a brony. Luckily, I have managed to move on from that, but it's sad to hear someone (the author, namely) had a life similar to this.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, Melionos, I loved your story, despite some of it's flaws, and I hope your life is satisfying now. Good job, man.
I'm really glad I asked you for the link to this. It helped me to understand some of my friends more as well.
ReplyDeleteTen years (and counting?). Wow. That’s about twice as bad as what I’ve been through. (Purely quantitatively, that is.)
ReplyDeleteFor me it wasn’t three words—“I don’t know.”—but one that haunted me as it helped me describe my predicament: “Uncertainty.” I guess it’s pretty much the same.
I have changed somehow, and for several years now, my past has hardly affected my present, but your story has taught me that it is, of course, still present to some degree. If I may quote from a Joss Whedon series: “You don’t get past it, it just becomes part of who you are.” (Echo/Rebecca in Dollhouse season 2 episode 8)
And now I’m only obsessing over whether that comma splice of mine is really justified, so I should probably go to bed instead.
Thank you, and I wish you all the best!
I liked it, but that ending really skeeved me out. It just came out of no where, and didn't function as a proper resolve. 4/5 though.
ReplyDelete@Sethisto
ReplyDeleteyou totaly derped...
why is this not 6 star?
i do belive i am crying now.
ReplyDeleteWow, this story has genuinely touched me. I feel like a dick for not crying. My heart goes out to you Melionos.
ReplyDeletegah, my heart.
ReplyDeleteThis is the only thing I have ever read that has ever brought me to tears. I have read notes of family deaths, horrors of reality, and soul-crushing rejection. I have faced all of them with my usual stony personality.
ReplyDeleteExcept this.
I do believe you just changed my life.
Like the guy a couple of posts above me said, isn't this a 6-star? I don't really know how to read the star things, but from the eye it looks like at least 4.9
ReplyDeletescorch-mechanic gave a narration that did this justice. Nice tale sir, bravo.
ReplyDeleteI read this listening to Bittersweet Symphony...
ReplyDeleteIm no musician, nore knowledgable in the different instruments, but I can say that I envisioned Octavia playing the string throughout the song while I read, pouring her soul into each note.
*hugs*
This is an absolutely beautiful piece, but still, it does need a [sad] tag. Now, excuse me while I wonder why I'm not crying harder.
ReplyDeleteThis is Beautiful. The Depth that is given to Octavia Here is mind blowing, this is not the stiffish, easily offended Octavia of the Vinyl Scratch tapes, this is a deeply scarred lonely Octavia with whom I can identify all too well. Her fears, insecurity, and desire to love mirror my own. And the use of language is perfect. I'm no expert but I think I noticed one flaw in the whole thing. Just one. That's impressive. I tend to notice. if there was ever a perfect Fan fiction. This is it.
ReplyDeleteA professor of mine once said that people are incapable of pure originality. Without exception, we draw from our past. Even so, I have never read a story that executed a personal tale so well.
ReplyDeleteThere wasn't a lot of scenery, I didn't get a great sense of time or space in this story. But the emotion! Sweet Celestia, the emotion.
Logic has always kept me from straying too far into loneliness or feeling "grey", but I'm no stranger to the emotions. This is an old fic so you may have moved past this. You may also never read this. Regardless, Melionos, I offer my heartfelt condolences and +1 internet hug.
http://arch.413chan.net/I_know_that_feel_brony-(n1301655838986).png
stay stron bro! i hope u have found some peas, and thank u!
ReplyDelete