[Adventure] Oc ponies?! Have a badass OC pony!
Author: Kitonin
Description: A trio of friends finds themselves in Equestria as ponies after being sucked into a strange portal. As they try and make their way back to their world they discover that Equestria isn't as peaceful as it seems.And Then They Were Ponies Part 1
And Then They Were Ponies Part 2
And Then They Were Ponies Part 3 (New!)
Additional Tags: OC ponies, evil plots, mystery, memories
20 comments:
cool.
ReplyDeleteSounds interesting enough.
ReplyDeleteSee that picture?
ReplyDeleteKrastos the Gluemaker
Oh with that title I was expecting And Then There Were None.
ReplyDeleteHmm... Maybe I'm jaded from all these HIE stories, but it seems a tad generic. Not to say I didn't like it, I like quite a few HIE stories, it just seems like a concept that has been done before, but in a different manner.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that title... I see what you did there :P
I WANT A OC PONY!!! damn it there needs to be a legit pony creator app on itunes!!
ReplyDeleteI was like Muffinsforever at first, but then when you threw in a hint at the plot-line, you got me hook-line and sinker.
ReplyDeletebeginning was rushed beyond, oh well better to get to the good stuff then having to read 10 paragraphs bout people move into a house
ReplyDeleteanwhooo cool cool cool, although the whole Mistress cult thing reminds me of The Empty Room
Whenever I read the word "yea" I can't help but pronounce it as "yay" in my head.
ReplyDeleteIt makes it sound like characters are constantly voting on things.
Dangit, I knew if i waited too long someone else would do a "multiple humans in Equestria" story.
ReplyDeleteAh well, this story and the one I am working on seem different enough so far.
Well, I like it, Kept my interest. So theres only 1 thing left to say. MOAR!
ReplyDelete*Attempts to Read*
ReplyDelete*Notices the names of the main characters are "Kitone, Athemis, and 'The Captain.'"*
*promptly facepalms*
Is there some reason why nobody can make an original character with a halfway sensible name? Can someone answer me please? Unless it's like a fantasy novel or something it's kinda hard to read about a story with people named Galatius or Veranth or, say Kitone, Athemis, and 'the Captain.' Why would these three seemingly normal human beings have names like this?
Seriously. There's never a Joe or Bob or Andrew in any fanfic, like ever. Why do people insist on making pretentious, seemingly original (emphasis on seemingly) names?!
*goes back to read and waits for the characters to start showing otherworldly alicorn powers because they're actually all siblings and are celestia's children*
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThere's a guy in a HIE story called Chester out there, name is crazy though so can't link it
I harbor great dislike for these sort of fics and even if i did i still tried to read it.
ReplyDelete1 star for effort. Keep trying and you might just get it right.
@Damhoof
ReplyDeleteThat's some good love and tolerance right there brony. Next you'll trash the nearest appledash fic or yell at the every arist that draws ponies in socks. I hope the author doesn't take this gilda seriously cause its like too soon to give stars imo. You might be onto something cool with that memory stuff.
I'll be honest, I'm a sucker for human in equestria stories. This one's pretty good so far, though your writing style could use refinement and the grammar nazi in me wants to rewrite your dialogue.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, there's a lot of potential here. Iron out all the little details in the story and it could be worthy of at least four stars. Right now, I think three is generous enough.
Btw- a succubus pony? 0_o
@RainbowDat
ReplyDeleteYes, a succubus pony.
I'll agree that I get a little sloppy sometimes when I'm writing. It's not great but I'm sure we all can agree its not horrible. Besides, three stars with the chance for four is a whole lot better than a flat one.
@9:08 Anon, I'd just love to see a story written about characters with the names Tom, Dick and Harry just for the sake of it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this most recent chapter took a sudden change, did it not? Me gusta the story, by the way, but still.
To the author, after this rather plot-heavy (literal meaning, not a oun regarding the last bit) chapter, I think you could do with a character-focused chapter next. You've got the story set up, but give us a bit more time to get to know the characters before this memory corruption stuff takes full effect. Stuff to think on: Give a more memorable character difference between Kitone and Athemis. There's not too much personality-wise to set them apart. And the Captain needs a bit more time as well. We can see that he's quiet, but that's not much to go on.
And that last bit. You know the bit I mean. It comes right the frig out of nowhere, but I think that adds to it. You're shocked and appalled at this character in a way that I suppose you wouldn't be if there was a warning that notified you of certain content. I don't know if it should be toned down at all, I mean it is fairly suggestive without overstepping boundaries too much, yet as it is it still gives the intended message. I'll leave that to you for now.
By the way, don't take this post too personally, as I know from experience it's easy to do with criticism. Just so as you know, I usually pass more lengthly critiques like this on things I like and see potential in. Good work so far! Just... draw things out a little more, and get us to know the characters. Even if less happens in a chapter, I think it would be worth it if the narrative doesn't flit from event to event so quickly. Pace it a bit more.
Good work!
im not much of a critisizer mostly because i dont a shit bout the "mary sues" & self insertions and other stuff like that, i still dont understand why people are so against these fics, i personally love mary sues(and the other ones). so ill just say i like this story!
ReplyDeleteplease keep at it dont let all the other neigh-sayers put you down!
*looks at picture*
ReplyDeleteThis fight is gonna suck...