Author: Tales
Description: On the night of the Grand Galloping Gala, things take an unexpected and dangerous turn for Princesses Luna and Celestia. Amidst a chaos of words, secrets will come to light and emotions run high. A thousand years is a long time indeed.Worse Nights
Additional Tags: sad, Tales, Gala
12 comments:
Nice work! I really liked the dialogue in particular. Even though this story doesn't have the [sad] tag, I definitely felt some emotion in there.
ReplyDeleteAs for criticisms, I think a couple parts felt a little rushed. I also think that capitalizing the last word at the end was unnecessary. It should have probably been seperated from the rest of the sentence with an elipses as well.
All in all, not perfect, but I liked it a lot!
i liked it. uhm, Luna's ... reaction was a bit extreme, maybe? to the brush thing, i mean. suddenly one emotion, then another. uhm, a bit drastic but otherwise i liked it. and yeah, it might need a sad tag, it starts off that way. maybe grimdark, i don't know if attempted ... things count. sorry ...
ReplyDeleteI'm pissed off at the internet right now.
ReplyDeleteI was reading this wonderful short story, and then all of the sudden a certain line reminds me of a certain internet meme... and the spell the short story had been weaving over me was shattered.
Beyond that totally innocent and almost story ruining line, I very much liked this story, and I encourage the writer to do more. Tales is certainly better than me. I really should stop procrastinating on my own project... but it's too late to work on it now.
I d'aaaaaaawed.
ReplyDeleteMinalkra, I thought the brush thing was very realistic. Siblings can turn on one another, particularly younger against older, when the younger feels that the older is trying to take control. It's a power thing. A lot of problems between siblings are based on power, control, and who has authority over whom.
ReplyDeleteSo Luna felt threatened by Celestia and reacted emotionally. She felt her independence and sense of self under attack. Then her rational mind recognized that that's not at all the case; that it's not a matter of power and control but a matter of her older sister wanting to spend time together, and her emotions took a 180, her anger nose-diving, and her actions and emotions coming back into the original line.
It's very nicely done.
Oh I find myself having such a hard time critiquing this one.
ReplyDeleteI just wants to hug sad Luna and makes it all better.
I suppose the only issue I have is with her having forgotten who Pinkie Pie was, assuming that the energetic bright pink pony was Pinkie.
some spelling, some grammar, capitalization, nothing major.
I'm glad that my preferred of the 3 Luna gala dresses I've seen was the one chosen x3
Tia felt a bit out of character, though that may be just that we've only seen like 15 seconds of her interactions with Luna.
hmmm... is there a 4.5 button?
I'll flip a coin then.
@ Scorch_Mechanic
ReplyDeleteI just caught it too. Completely wrecked the entire scene, and it makes me so mad that it did.
This is a fantastic story despite that line, though, and it was absolutely not the author's fault that my mind jumped off track the way it did.
Luna thinks she's a fish :)
ReplyDeleteIts a somewhat uninspired story. Nothing new, been done many times before and all that.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I didn't mind at all. It was certainly very enjoyable. I always enjoy a normal story with Celestia and Luna, this was done well enough. Some minor dialogue and grammar issues as stated by others, nothing major.
I also d'aaaaw'd X3
ReplyDelete@mrscrib
ReplyDeletei'm sorry, i've never experienced that before myself. i've, uhm, never even seen such a change when someone wasn't under some influence or some sort. sorry, i didn't mean to upset anyone.
The sibling bonding in this was adorable, but...
ReplyDeleteI was not prepared for Luna attempting suicide. That really left me with a sick feeling.