Author: Ninestempest / Edef
Description: Rainbow Dash finds Spitfire shortly after the Grand Galloping Gala, and is invited to spend a night at a nightclub with the WonderboltsWith a Spark
Additional Tags: Nightclub, drinking, coincidence, making-out, Wonderbolts
146 kommentaari:
The shipping tag looks weird black.
VastaKustutaI think seth messed up a little editing. I'm sure it'll be fixed the next time he refreshes the page.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaOh cool, you finally finished it.
VastaKustuta@Oleetar
VastaKustutaIt only took him a few months.
6 weeks, I'll have you know. 7 technically if today counts as a new week.
VastaKustutaI have it bookmarked, 9nine9. I'll give it a read in a little while.
VastaKustutaI remember when you started it...That was a while ago. I read a few paragraphs.
Looking forward to this.
whats with everypony thinking rainbow dash is lesbian... srsly guys srsly.
VastaKustutaYou left the shipping tag black, we will never forgive you!
VastaKustutaDidn't expect the story to go that way, although in retrospect, it makes a lot of sense. Great read, if I do say so myself.
VastaKustuta@Casper
VastaKustutaIt's a fact of life. Grass is green, birds fly, Rainbow Dash is a fillyfooler. Also supported by apparent wingboners around Pinkie Pie in her showgirl outfit.
Rainbow Dash / Spitfire shipping? YES :D
VastaKustutaNow that's a Wonderbutt.
VastaKustutaBolt.
Wonderbolt.
I'm excited by this plot.
Time to read.
Gotta say, that's not a very believable depiction of Spitfire, even for the sake of Drama. You'd have to be really huge asshole to do that to someone who literally saved your life.
VastaKustutaActually thats pretty normal for celebrities
VastaKustutaShipping and alcohol? Yes please!
VastaKustutaThe story was really well written, but it still amazes me, that in a lot of stories the wonderbolt nearly completely forget about the fact, that rainbow dash a) saved their lives and b) is probably the fastest pegagus alive. So why didn't it even occur to Spitfire, that RD could want to join the wonderbolts some day?
VastaKustuta@ToonNinja
VastaKustutaSweet, that's one thing I was going for.
In regards to fillyfoolerness, I like both straight or gay dash. But there's more material for a gay dash.
@Acriaos
I don't see how that's relevant; why should she care?
Well this is getting interesting... halfway trough... never thought it cold get THIS interesting to read fanfics... hint hint...
VastaKustutaI'm never writing out that scene.
VastaKustutaGO NUTS WITH IMAGINATION
Somepony should shank spitfire v:
VastaKustutaThis was certainly very steamy, at first. Highly erotic without specifics and explicit content. Then you go to: Yeah, you were just a one-night stand. Use 'em and loose 'em. Like a disposable party favor. And yet you successfully shifted from one extreme to the other very smoothly.
VastaKustutaNot too shabby. I believe I will rate this at 4 out of 5. I don't think Spitfire would be quite THAT heartless. The story was well written, graphic but not over the top, very emotional without actually bringing down the reader.
Personally, I couldn't see Spitfire being the "use and dump" kind of mare, and even less Soarin' being a ladiescolt (he's more of a "bottomless stomach" kind of pony, IMHO). But whatever works.
VastaKustutaFeels more like a sadfic than a shippingfic but it's quite good either way. Though hopefully this won't start inspiring a knee-jerk dislike of Spitfire.
VastaKustutaVery well written. Also...
VastaKustuta...I understand why the shipping tag is black now.
;___;
add a [sad] tag right this instant! epic read and sad story.
VastaKustutaSpitfire should care, because if RD joins the wonderbolts later, the two of them would have to work together, one way or the other. Considering this, she could have reacted less cold to the mare who saved her life... Of course then the story wouldn't work the way it did and RD would not give up so much (which also seemed a bit out of character for Dash btw.)
VastaKustuta1st i was happy then i was sad and now i am mad why would you do this that said i like how you write
VastaKustutaAlso... MOOOOOAAAAAAAAR
VastaKustutaThis needs a sad tag... It made me sad... mer...
VastaKustutaAlready posted on your DA page about this but I thought I'd re-iterate my comments here for others to see.
VastaKustutaThis is incredibly well written and powerful, even if Spitfire's characterization was a departure from what we've seen in the show and some of the subject matter (some adult stuff) takes some getting used to on a first read if you're not used to it. But again those are minor gripes. Nothing can take the fact that this is amazingly well written away from you. Not a lot of writers have the courage to do something like crush Dash's dreams and villainize her idols, and at the same time do it so well.
And of course, Dash's friends catching her and helping her get back on course. A sad story, but still some hope at the end.
Good job :)
As far as the OOC Spitfire goes, sometimes liberties have to be taken in order to make the story move along. We don't really know much about Spitfire anyways. ;)
VastaKustutaspitfire is now and forever a bitch. Im never reading a rainbow dash and spitfire shipping again (unless im bored)
VastaKustuta-D4SHTH3R4INB0W
Somehow, I really like the way you write, I just don't like your stories. I would love to see a fic with your writing that doesn't make me think whether or not a [sad] tag would be appropriate.
VastaKustutaRainbow Dash now creates the Sonicbolts and destroy Spitfire and the wonderbolts
VastaKustutai agree with previous posts. It seems out of character for spitfire to do something like that to rainbow dash ,considering that she saved their lives.
VastaKustutaDislike the negative spin on Spitfire :-(
VastaKustutaI has a sad.
This was great. As a fan of ponies, shipping, and alcohol, this is easily now one of my favorite fics I've read on here.
VastaKustutaThanks so much for this.
I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
Crossing fingers for a sequel that has Rainbow Dash kick the Wonderbolt's buts! This is probably a more realistic portrayal of the Wonderbolts, since many (most) super huge celebrities are also horrible people. Just because this is probably different than they would act in the show doesn't mean there's anything wrong with this fic.
VastaKustutaAnyone got good ideas on a team name if RRRRRAINBOW DASH! decides to make her own team? All I can think of is the rainbolts, which is a terrible name. :P
-Random Internet Person
@Anonymous
VastaKustuta... well, my crossover fic that's coming in a few months SHOULDN'T be sad, as it's half comedy half grimdark...
For those saying Spitfire should be kinder to Dash: she's a celebrity. We have no idea what kind, but most celebrities are douchebags. The ONLY thing we know about her is that she REMEMBERS that Dash saved their lives. We have no idea how entirely appreciative she is, other than a thanks at the end of Rainboom.
I don't think making her like this is too far OOC when we have no idea what IC is. But that's just my take; something tells me that come season 2, this won't be canon at all. Though it would be humorous if she was still kind of a rude celebrity.
And in regards to a sad tag; I told seth to send this to his proofreaders, and if they think it deserved a sad tag, then it should get it. Though a sad tag would spoil it completely, and then overshadow the some-what hopeful ending.
VastaKustutacont:
VastaKustutaWonderbolt1: Hey Spitfire, I heard you got confronted by one of your little filly flings the other day
Spitfire: Yeah, it was pretty sad, some ponies just get so clingy somehow. I won't be hearing the end of it from the other- *BOOOM* -what was that?!?
*Sonic Rainboom in the sky above Wonderbolt HQ with a rainbow trail following it spelling out in a neat cursive "FUCK YOU SPITS"*
Wonderbolt1: HAHAHAHA oh man that is awesome! Don't tell me she's the one you-
Spitfire: Shutup!
I am just about ready to draw this scene out
man, fuck Spits! D:l
@BB
VastaKustutaI would be honored beyond belief for anyone to do fanart of my stories, haha.
That scenario would be hilarious.
This is pretty soul crushing for Dash. I kind of wish there wan an epilogue. Showing Dash figuring out what to do now that her purpose in life is destroyed. All in all this was a great story though.
VastaKustutaBB.
VastaKustutaDo it.
I have to say, I'm struggling with this one. And its not even specifically for the same reason everybody else are.
VastaKustutaSpitfire is a celebrity. Celebrities are frequently douchebags. I get the correlation that could be made (though I think it is a fallacy to make it).
My problem is applying real life concepts to this, but only applying them to the extent that they justify the contents of the story rather then applying as they would actually play out in real life.
Yes Spitfire is a celebrity. Yes it is possible that she is a massive bitch underneath.
But no, I don't think it is realistic for Spitfire to use her influence over Dash so she can get a one-night-stand out of her. Even the douchiest of real life celebrities tend to keep from crossing lines like that, because they know what would happen if they crossed those lines and people found out. Especially not with people who are themselves somewhat famous (which Rainbow Dash is).
And I find it even harder to swallow that Spitfire would do something like she in front of the entire team, and not only would no one attempt to console Dash, but most of the team would in fact find the situation funny. It basically paints the entire Wonderbolts team as a bunch of douchebag frat boys, and I honestly don't think there is enough fanon in the world to carry such an interpretation simply because of what the Wonderbolts are presented as in the show.
I mean, the story concept is a good one, and the writing itself is pretty good. But I just can't see the use of Spitfire (or any of the Wonderbolts) as she was in this story as being able to be justified.
Anon approves of this story and requires more!
VastaKustutaI guess I can see why one wouldn't see it as justified, but I don't think Dash is that famous; the WBs themselves barely recognized her at the gala, and if she was that popular, she would have been actually hanging out with them more.
VastaKustutaIt's not like Spitfire raped her or something, or banned her from joining the WBs. She just said she had one night of fun, and Dash was clingy.
With a Spark II: Pinkie learns what Spitfire did to poor Dash and decides to cheer her up with fresh cupcakes – Wonderbolt flavor…
VastaKustutaI already expected/ hoped that Spite-on-you-fire was just playing with RD’s feelings. Thankfully this story didn’t disappoint me. It’s a refreshing change from the usual Shipping Fic where two character, who barley know each other, fall in love and make out after one day. Sure it works in some stories, but all too often it’s just corny.
Yes Spitfire was (probably) OOC as well as the rest of the Wonderbolts, but if the result is a good story I’m not complaining. And if nobody would write OOC stories, there would be no Trollestia and that would be a real shame.
In my humble opinion it’s worthy of 5 stars.
(If I could, I would give it eight stars. Five for the story and three bonus stars for the lack of wingboners. XD)
About time we got some Rainbowfire shipping, considering how many images of it there are.
VastaKustutawow...
VastaKustutaamazing story man, I really liked it!
It was cool that the ponies was drinking alcohol, it's not in many fics you see that.
I also almost shed a tear when Spitfire said that 'there was nothing between them' and yea.. that whole scene. 5 stars from me.
Awesome story. 5 stars, too bad RD didn't get the girl =(
VastaKustutaThat was very well written. Even though it wasn't what I was expecting, I still enjoyed it. I also can totally see Spitfire doing this. For those that say she wouldn't for PR purposes or whatever, you have to think of her as less of a "movie star" celeb constantly worried about image and more of a professional athlete, who is perhaps less concerned with what others think. Sure, most athletes are stand up people, but you can't tell me there aren't some that would take advantage of some chick throwing herself at them, regardless of the consequences. The other wonderbolts, regardless of their personal feeling, probably wouldn't want to start drama within the team over some filly.
VastaKustutaGah, these well written ponyfics make me want to put my non-fanfiction writings on hold to give it a shot.
Daaaaaaamn, there is one heck of a well written subversion of your average shipping fic.
VastaKustutain serious need of a sad tag in addition. i had to stop 1/2 way through.
VastaKustutaWasn't expecting that. Good work there, what I really want to see now though is a revenge story. I don't think RD would be happy with just moving on without leaving a bit of mental scaring.
VastaKustutaIf I ever made a sequel to this, it wouldn't be made for months, and it would be set several years in the future and have nothing to do with the Wonderbolts.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaWow this story took a suprising turn, it really got me into it. Nice stuff.
VastaKustutaPS: Epilogue, RD starts her own flight team that completely outshines the Wonderbolts
Also nice use of the whiskey
Nines tempest, I wont know exactly If I utterly hate you or love you
VastaKustutaI always crave for something happy and heart-warming on your stories, just to get trolled near the end
Like the anon said above, I like the way you write, I just dont like what you write
you big effing troll you
Subversion of generic stories, how work
VastaKustutaBravo Nines. Very well written. Five stars etc.
VastaKustutaI don't think you'd be doing Dash's character justice by leaving the situation unresolved. An epilogue was suggested, maybe a comeback where Dashie gets her dash back!
Moar chapters please!
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaActually considering the LIITs and whiskey RD drank she kind of did get raped (legally anyways).
@ZarPaulus
VastaKustutaDash remembers; I didn't want to make either of them get all out drunk.
@Rainbro Cash
VastaKustutaAs I said, I may write a sequel, but it would take a while, but I don't think there's enough canon evidence of what else Dash would like or do.
I really liked the story, well written... until the twist. It completely defied everything canon and most non-canon Spitfire was made out to be. I enjoy your writing style a ton but that kinda ruined it for me. I had to read three happy shipfics to recover from this.
VastaKustutaSeriously though, perhaps a bit more lead in to what would eventually happen or a more satisfying conclusion (doesn't have to be revenge or anything) would have improved this tenfold. Really good writing though.
very well writen
VastaKustutaStrong story. Not what I expected.
VastaKustutaThere's one crucial part that makes Spitfire come off as an out-of-character bitch. You might want to adjust it.
All Rainbow Dash saw was disdain. “I don’t think we’ll ever be seeing each other again, Rainbow Dash. Goodbye.”
That's unwarranted cruelty, particularly to an up-and-coming flier who saved your life.
@chinlamp
VastaKustutaAbout time... It's not like I submitted one a month earlier...
*SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS* Go down to bottom of comment for a Non-Spoilerish comment
VastaKustutaThat was... Perfect... Yes, that's the word, perfect. It flowed beautifully, and had an incredible amount of attension to backgrounds and movements without being overly descriptive. The switching of tones was dead on. It switched very slowly, bringing the reader to the same revelation just a few paragraphs before Rainbow Dash. The dialogue between Rainbow and Spitfire at their confrontation could've been a bit better, but not by much. Maybe Spitfire could've attempted to make an excuse before compleately spurning Rainbow. Her breakdown as she tries to hide her experience from her friends was just mesmerizing, and I half expected you'd go with the easy way out by shipping Dash with Twilight or Applejack by the end of it, but by resisting it the ending became believeable. I actually began thinking during the club scene that it was beggining to fall into the "Meet, fall in love instantly, implied clop" cleche that most shipping fics fall for, and turning that around was just shocking. All around, 5 stars.
Also, I found it ironic that I had this song playing during the "Implied Clop" scene and the morning after. It kinda fits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jig_BSvn8wE&feature=channel_video_title
If a sequel for this is written, I would tremendously love to see it center around Dash overcoming her heartbreak by forming her own aerial acrobatics team. And not just for the sake of seeing her get revenge on Spitfire. I just think the fallout of this story creates a good opportunity for Dash to strike out on her own and do something incredible and independent like that. To be honest, I've felt for a while like Rainbow Dash is overqualified for the Wonderbolts considering her personal accomplishments and her skill as a flier. And despite her big ego she never seems to fully give herself enough credit for all of that since she's constantly expressing infatuation for the Wonderbolts. She's too good for them! >8[ And she's certainly too good for this story's heartless version of Spitfire, I tell ya what.
VastaKustutaReally though, I think it would be highly entertaining to read. I can picture Dash eventually deciding to show up Spitfire by putting together her own crack team of incompetent fliers(Somehow I imagine Fluttershy agreeing to be a placeholder on the team, at first. xP That would be lulzy), but they'd eventually pull it together and manage to beat the Wonderbolts in some competition or... something. That would be amazing.
That was certainly a unique and an all-around good story.
VastaKustutaBut, (like several people have already said) I find Spitfire's actions to be a bit unbelievable. Between winning the Best Young Flyer competition and being the only pony to do a Sonic Rainboom (and doing it twice) (and being the fastest flyer in Equestria, if that's not an exaggeration (admittedly, it probably is)), the Wonderbolts really should, at the very least, be watching Dash as a potential future recruit. But none of them treated her like somepony they'd ever even want to see again. And you make Spitfire the leader of the Wonderbolts, which just makes it worse.
*sniff* I loved this, but it was soo sad that it deserves a sequel! I need a cookie now.
VastaKustuta***Spoilers I guess.***
VastaKustutaThis strikes me more as being subversive for the sake of being subversive, if that makes any sense. It's a really good taste of how 'real' "romance" '"works."' I'm not sure I want that with my ponies.
Don't get me wrong it's well written and totally slams on people's expectations. I do agree that this seems out of character for Spitfire even though we don't really know her. The shift from affectionate to outright coldness doesn't seem all that well foreshadowed. The whole thing doesn't fit with the flavor of the show? I guess I can't write that off as a legit criticism since that seems to be the point of a lot of fic. Prose is good and everything kind of clicks in place, from a technical standpoint.
But seeing you refer to Dash as being 'clingy' really challenges my respect for the whole thing. Being young and puerile and experiencing puppy (pony?) love is pretty natural. When you're young, and someone you adore and respect that you've had some positive interaction with on several previous occasions offers to open up and let you into their life, that's pretty damn significant. And then they drag you out to an adult club help you get boozed up and prey on your obvious inclinations for a 'night of fun' and then promptly drop your ass afterwards, leaving you alone and confused and sick and... meh.
Demanding an explanation for that is not 'clingy.' Feeling wounded by that is not 'clingy' and there are some serious problems if you think otherwise. This is plain out abuse that's unfortunately encouraged by the Bar-Dating culture, and if this was showcased as a criticism as such then I would endure this with a lot more interest and respect. But no, the 'clingy' comment seems to be implying that it's normal and okay for this sort of thing to happen. And that's a terrible message.
Man that sounds like someone's personal nightmare. I'd like to be proved wrong in that this wasn't written merely to be contrary. And I can definitely see more value in how one copes with this kind of asshattery than anything else. I'm sure with five of the best friends ever that one could make it through just about anything. Brings about some bittersweet smiles.
I don't know. Think I'm done here. Hate-on aside I'll rate it fairly.
Christ this was so upsetting and fantastic at the same time.
VastaKustutaIt's going to be one of those stoires which hangs on my mind for several days.
The bit where Dash confronts Spitfire the next day while the other wonderbolts float around laughing. The tears streamed down my face.
So so upsetting!
A continuation would be really nice!
Reading this because I am a real sucker for SpitDash.
VastaKustutaI like that, in amongst all the expected ohmygoshing, Rainbow Dash starts daydreaming about hooking up with Spitfire, letting her imagination get too far ahead. It says a lot about her character; also makes me wonder if that wasn't her reason for chasing the Wonderbolts in the first place, though I'm sure it isn't.
Also very glad that Spitfire made the first move. Awkward, nervous Rainbow Dash is best Rainbow Dash. Ooh, ouch, and then one-night-standed!
Ah, man, that was sad. Her whole life up to that point wasted. But I feel like this is a real starting point for something better for her. So yeah, not happy ending, but hopeful ending.
Also, weirdest boner.
fuck you Spits!!!
VastaKustutahere's a little something for you Tempest
http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/26384
@Asgard314
VastaKustutaThanks you very much. I don't think this is perfect, but it's nice to hear someone say that, haha. Pacing in this was hard, and tone transition went through so many versions (edef helped tons on the tone transition, he was gods on that department). The conversation between RD/SF is one part Edef still isn't entirely comfortable with, and neither am I, but I can't add any more without it getting... not preachy, but just long and pointless. Nothing else needs to be said about it.
Shipping with TS/AJ was never something I intended, that's kind of silly. I'm glad that it was shocking, as that was part of the idea behind the fic. Not being subversive for the point of such(more on that in the last comment), but to kind of turn expectations on their head. One reason it does not have a sad tag.
@Anonymous
Maybe, but I seriously doubt it. I think it should be left up in the air; hope is just that, hope. It can be stolen and given and you have it for as long as you think something is possible. Giving just hope ends this story just fine, I think. Maybe it would be interesting, but it would be more of a standalone than a sequel. Making it relate to this explicitly would be really awful, even if it wasn't revenge or proving herself to spitfire.
@Anonymous
It is not subverse for the point of being subverse; half of the story shouldn't be based on just one slip-change an author made in the sequence of events. Making Spitfire not like her back was the crux, not some underhanded, hipster way of writing.
I didn't think Spitfire was completely warm to Dash while writing it; in fact, we avoided most of those notions, and took out anything that was too obviously lovey-dovey. The closest to being warm is kissing and hugging. This was the intention; any lovey-dovey-ness is seeing this purely through RD's eyes.
Clingy isn't the exact word, it is the word used by someone else and I couldn't think of a better one. It would be better to simply go as the story has stated: that she actually loved Spitfire and Spitfire didn't love her. Not much more needs to be said about that. You're extrapolating far too much out of one off-hand comment.
I do not present this with any message or idea about bar-dating culture. I present this as a story to have an emotional impact and to entertain a reader. I am not pynchon or vonnegut.
@BB
VastaKustutaI fucking love you, saved so hard.
@Present Perfect
Hehe, yeah. The make-out scenes I decided I had no reason to be purposeful; I'm not BSS and you decide what goes on. Especially the ending to the hotel room (huehuehue...)
@Anonymous (The one with the long ass comment)
VastaKustutaThank you for posting what I was thinking but could not articulate.
Aeiou. My two cents.
VastaKustutaI thought it was very well written. But here's the thing NinesTempest, a lot of the criticisms the long Anonymous comment posted were completely legitimate, because it's what we as readers are interpreting from what you have written. You had to explain yourself which kinda ruins the point of retaliation.
All of my criticisms are basically the ones stated before but other than that I love the story, keep up the good work.
@SkyrimOrBust
VastaKustutaIf you mean the clingy-aspect one anon has mentioned, that was just a passing comment and not with the correct intention; she is truly heart broken and felt something real for her. It is a misunderstanding that I used the word.
Good story, I'll say, but couldn't you have written Spitfire to be a little kinder and less cold to Rainbow Dash and all? I mean, she did save her former idol's life and pulled off some sweet skills.
VastaKustutaSpitfire: Look, Rainbow Dash, you're a good kid and all and I really liked our time together. Really, I did, but you're just not my type. I'm sorry.
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaActually, I didn't mean that one as much as I meant some of the earlier stuff he posted. I can sort of get that impression of infatuation versus love I think anon was saying but it wasn't my major concern.
Long-anon here; I'm willing to accept that 'clingy' was used out of context and perhaps repeated without the intention of malice. No media frenzy here. :) ALL IS WELL.
VastaKustutaI suppose the fact that it's evoked such strong reactions from people is a mark of success. Still, I wonder if the tags/description for the story here might be somewhat misleading....
I have to say, that was wonderfully written, but I have to agree on the desire for a [sad] tag. I started reading expecting some nice & fluffy DashFire shipping and halfway through was sniffling like a baby. Now I've gotta read something much happier to recoup from that.
VastaKustutaI specifically avoid sad fics because I hate to see the mane 6 get their dreams crushed and while there was some hope at the end that's small comfort after watching my favorite pony have her entire lifelong dream come crashing down around her.
@BB
That went a *long* way towards making Dash & me much happier :) thank you.
Damn that was a good read.
VastaKustutaReally deserves a [SAD] tag because this story was heartbreaking....
@BB
VastaKustutaThis ending is now canon for me, as far as this story is concerned! I would have given the story 5 stars if this was in the story from the beginning.
@NinesTempest: You think you could include a link at the end of the story to the pic?
why was there no sad tag? I cried a little ;_;
VastaKustutaGood story though, but I'm still upset.
That's what happens when you sleep late, Dashie! ;)
VastaKustutaIn all seriousness, though, I'd almost prefer it if this didn't have the [sad]. It hits harder if you don't know what's comin', just like it does with the main POV character. A story well written, authorperson!
Okay, first off, I love this fic, I've honestly kept myself from reading MLP: FIM fics out of fear of either degrading or pathetic writing i.e. turning Dash into some form of lesbian pimp. That all being said I couldn't have found a better read, you have a talent, a gift, for narration and story telling I don't see often, even in best sellers. While I, like many who've posted before me, would like to see more, I feel that it is unnecessary and would otherwise taint my feelings for your work.
VastaKustutaDash, as a character, has a beautiful soul and wonderful personality, all of which you've shown here. If I had to describe this piece it would be "Tastefully Heart Wrenching" Keeping in mind that this story and the canon works by Miss Faust, are two separate yet equal works of fiction, I feel that the characters in this piece are phenomenal. The characters are wholly complex and well rounded, Spitfire (while I feel she's a total $#@^% in this) is amazingly and sadly realistic and even understandable to a degree. Rainbow Dash shows her more innocent nature that's hidden behind her rough and tumble exterior as well as the delicate defenses she had keeping it at bay. As for Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, while they weren't in the story enough to show the depths of their characters (speaking solely from what we see here) they're true natures were hinted at by their willingness to help their friend when she needed them.
The atmosphere was a master piece unto itself. The setting, mood, speed and descriptions (thankfully you didn't delve too much into the "night time events" otherwise it would have just been another of those kinds of fics and I would be writing a totally different response) helped to solidify the world around Rainbow Dash as well as the reader, pulling us into the world and feeling the suspense and remorse she felt. As stated above I don't find work like this often and as such I felt obligated to make this comment.
NinesTempest, you are a master of a sorely weakened craft. You are a beacon of writing philosophy in the dark world of modern day literature. Thank you for writing this wonderful piece and I hope that you will write more soon.
Needs a [sad] tag and a part 2.
VastaKustuta@Desert Rose
VastaKustutaThis is never going to have a sad tag because of this:
@Anonymous
@John Sullivan
Th-thank you very much, lol. Flattered doesn't quite capture how I feel, or maybe it does. Dash is my favorite character, and she's one of the more complex ones to write for (the other most complex one, in my opinion, being Rarity), and I'm happy to see that I've captured a semblance of her show canon in my story.
Yes, the avoidance of descriptions was something I took very seriously, as it wouldn't have melded well with the "climax" of this story (huehuehue).
Thanks for the comment though, really. I'm kind of like that too, so I really truly appreciate such a well thought out and lengthy response.
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaHere's something ironic, I read the sad Rarity fic that was posted a bit after yours right after reading this fic. And you're right, Rarity and Dash are the more complicated and deep characters to write with oddly enough. O.o
@BB
Yeah, for some reason this odd show for little girls has created a small Rennesaince (However you spell it >.>) in people who watch it. Video editors, writers, artists, music makers, etc. have all been releasing a vast amount of art, and it's beautiful.
I really liked this story. The first half was warm and fuzzy, and the second half really managed to pluck some emotional strings.
VastaKustutaA few people have opined that Spitfire and the Wonderbolts are OOC. Personally, I don't see the sense in complaining about the OOC-ness of a character who really had no characterization in the show to begin with. The authors' take on Spitfire is fresh, new, and not unrealistic of celebrities and athletes. Rainbow's fear, self-doubt, and vulnerability are closer to her depiction in Sonic Rainboom than her usual cocksure self, but it's a side of her personality that shouldn't be forgotten, and it rings true in the story. As far as I'm concerned, there isn't a single OOC moment, and the behaviors of the characters are completely realistic and natural.
Great story. Five stars. :)
@Asgard314
VastaKustutaThat is a COINCIDENCE god damnit.
@Aldea_Donder
Thank you, and that's one reason I (and edef) decided to go with that situation. She HAS no characterization, other than she remembers that Rainbow Dash saved her. I think it's silly that people are saying she's out of character; there's disliking the subject matter and there's being a silly filly about it.
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaOf course, if Spitfire's been doing this for a while - especially if she's been doing it with other hopeful Wonderbolts who felt they couldn't dare join the team afterwards - Rainbow *might* have enough other jealous flyers out there to start her *own* rival team.
@wolfemann
VastaKustutaTHat is a possibility, but I very very doubt I'm going to really write an epilogue. If I do, it won't be for months.
And then Dash remembered what happened last summer, and started the Shadowbolts. :)
VastaKustutaI have to join the group that says Spitfire was acting really unprofessional here. Dash isn't just some random fangirl; she's one of the brightest up-and-coming flying stars of her generation, and very likely to join (outside of these events).
So?
VastaKustutaSomeone tell me how that's relevant. It's not like the wonderbolts are in competition or in any short need of fans. And I already said that she isn't as recognized as we think she is, given how spitfire sees her at the gala.
My personal feelings aside, I think you need to work on your writing skills a little. Most of the awkwardness is in the first half of the fic; the latter part is much better. I didn't "like it" like it, but it was pretty well written.
VastaKustutaThe start of the fic kind of feels like I skipped the first paragraph; a little bit of setting the scene before or after the first sentence wouldn't go amiss.
You've got a number of malapropisms like "eloquent" clothing. I'm pretty sure clothes don't talk, so you probably meant "elegant". In the same paragraph you described the sunset casting "deformed" shadows of the city. While the word is technically used correctly, it connotes that Dash feels threatened or unsettled by the city, which isn't borne out by the rest of the paragraph. That's the sort of language I would use to describe a spooky forest.
The text doesn't always flow properly -- Dash spent an entire day in Canterlot offscreen and unmentioned. There's no reason they couldn't have gone directly from the donut shop to the nightclub.
You spent a remarkable amount of space describing Dash's room in Canterlot which is never seen again and doesn't come up in the story. A brief description would provide some flavor, but you're detailing the furnishings, color of the walls and carpet... why?
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaAt the Gala, Spitfire remembered Dash as soon as they met, in a different context from their orignal meeting, not knowing Dash was going to be there, with Dash in a dress and sporting a different hair style. That is not "barely remembering" someone.
As for not being able to hang out, remember that the place was full of nobles. In a courtly situation like that, when the Duke of Whatever starts talking to you, you can't just tell him, "Sorry, I'm gonna go over there now."
In the fic, it sounded to me like Spitfire outright said that Dash would never be considered for membership.
I'm honestly surprised you're taking such offense at negative reactions to a fic that mistreats a member of the mane cast. You gotta expect that with sad endings.
Do you know how much nice Spitfire I'm gonna have to read to get bitchy Spitfire out of my head... RAWRJASDGFKJAHGDKAJSGDADLADLKAHD!!!
VastaKustutaIf I were Dash in the scene where she catches up to them, I'd be all, "Maybe I should have just caught Rarity and dropped you bastards!?"
JK But, seriously, this brought back my depression. Same thing happened when I read "Sun Is Tired" but I rather like that one for some reason.
Wuah
VastaKustutaThis story really touched me deeply
It has a lot of my biggest fears: Discover that your idols are not what you expect of them, the fear of fall in love of someone that only looks for a one night stand and mostly the fear of have to star from scratch (actually not because you never lose your skiils, drivers, etc...)
Well this is most becuase I´m 16 but we all have passed through this ones in life but remind us that we have our friends for tha bad situations and sunnier days will come
Congratulations
(sorry the crappy english, I´m working on that)
@LordOfTheWrongs
VastaKustutaI had a long response but blogger ate it, so here's a tl;dr.
Yes, I think deformed works in other contexts just as well, I skipped to before the nightclub to give time to build Dash's feelings and build more empathy, and skipping to the bottom of your next post, I dislike people who judge solely on subject matter and use bad evidence as justification for an argument.
Would you believe that I stumbled upon this story again on accident?
VastaKustuta@Aldea_Donder (and I suppose @NinesTempest as well)
It isn't that her characterization is OOC because we were given so much information about her. You are both correct in that respect.
It is that her characterization is OOC because of how unrealistic it is for the leader of a blatant Blue Angels equivalent to act like a particularly unscrupulous basketball player, and for the entire team to basically be in on the joke. That kind of unprofessional behavior clashes hard with what we are shown about the Wonderbolts in canon.
@NinesTempest
And I have to say that she isn't as unrecognized as you think she is. She's been a singular catalyst for several high profile events, had a role in several other high profile events, and is one of the best friends of the personal student of the Princess (who knows Dash by name). Spitfire knows at least most of this, and she recognized Dash instantly at the Gala anyways.
Is she Wonderbolts-level famous? Not at all. Is she famous to the extent that pulling the kind of stuff that happened in this story would be unbelievably idiotic for all involved? I say yes.
I don't think we're given enough information in canon to completely deny that something like this could happen, so I'll skip to the second point.
VastaKustutaShe is recognized to a degree, but it's not like anypony else at the gala recognized her, and the only high-profile thing she should be recognized for is saving the WBs lives (which is pretty high still). That said, what do you think would have happened if Rainbow Dash hadn't liked Spitfire in particular and they had this night out at the nightclub? Absolutely nothing. But Dash liked her and said that, and Spitfire could argue that, heaven forbid a one night stand happened in a night club, that it shouldn't have met that much. It's not like flings are rare, nor that she raped her or something.
It's not much of an argument, but it's what would be made if something were to come up in the paparazzi of Equestria, or something.
To accept Spitfire's treatment of Dash, we need more information. You need to let us into the Wonderbolt world at least a touch more.
VastaKustutaI really liked this story, so after reading it I was racking my brain for possible explanations, and came up with some notes on 1-2 side scenes, following Soarin' and Spitfire directly after they left Dash behind, that would clarify. I might write them up as a side fic, if that doesn't offend you.
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaIt's perfectly believable that Spitfire would take advantage of Dash for a one-night stand and then dismiss her in the morning. It's perfectly believable that she'd be curt. But it's hard to buy her cruelty.
“There’s nothing between us,” Spitfire remarked with utter indifference.
“But... last night...”
“Was just that. One night. Enjoy it for what it was.” She gazed right back into the sobbing pegasus’s eyes. All Rainbow Dash saw was disdain. “I don’t think we’ll ever be seeing each other again, Rainbow Dash. Goodbye.” With that last line, Spitfire floated off to re-gather the other Wonderbolts, leaving the teary-eyed pegasus alone in the sky.
If this is how Spitfire treats potential recruits, it's hard to believe she has a team at all.
I'm honestly not proud of how that scene plays out, it went through so many changes. There's probably a better way to say it than that, closer to indifference or something, but eh. Just excuses on my part.
VastaKustutaI... maybe I'm really stupid, but I don't ever explicitly say she's the leader of ALL of the wonderbolts.
@Star Whistle
VastaKustutaI have absolutely no problem with you doing a side fic, especially since there's already been fan art!
I don't let the readers more into the WB because Dash isn't let more into them, because to her, she already knows all about them. More information would be an info-drop I'd prefer to avoid.
If I may throw in my two cents here, the depiction of Spitfire we are shown is sadly realistic. The truth of the matter is that many public figures do things of this magnitude on a daily bases. Whole teams have been shown doing things like this and then cover for their buddies, i.e. look up the term "Blue Code of Silence" for the most sickening example of what groups can and will do exactly what the WonderBolts did here.
VastaKustutaAs for possibly damaging the reputation of the WonderBolts and scaring off potential recruits, look up the term "Hazing" particularly for old institutes like fraternities, where hopefuls are treated like ^&#* in hopes to weed out undesirables. The Wonderbolts don't really need to worry about a lack of fans lining up at their door looking to join up, because they have some bad press. Most professional sport teams might as well hand their players black and white stripped clothes and serial numbers and put them up for a line up every time a crime happens, seeing as how most of them have committed and have been convicted of crimes, least of all breaking a girls heart. To believe a team doesn't have skeletons in it's closet, particularly of taking advantage of gullible fans, is ridicules and woefully naive.
That being said, do I believe that Spitfire (and the WonderBolts be extension) are terrible ponies who receive coal from Santa Colt every year, no. Yet on the other hand, do I believe she's a kind and compassionate pony with a smile and hug for all of God's little creatures, likewise no (if Fluttershy can't do it, then no pony can). She's bound to have her share of faults, many of them could actually be geared towards pushing hopefuls away out of fear of losing her position as Head Flyer or leader, to simply being unwilling to train a new pony up when she has a perfectly good team already.
If it's a question of how would they defend against something like this going public, it would honestly come down to this. Most ponies would think this first when hearing about it, "I know the WonderBolts, I've seen them do amazing tricks and stunts. I don't know Rainbow Dash, what has she done?" with that mentality already in play, the WonderBolts would simply have to say something like, "Rainbow Dash was a hopeful recruit who simply didn't make the cut for (input bs reason here)." and most ponies wouldn't think twice about it, most would even think Rainbow Dash was a bitter (&$@( about not being chosen and tried to destroy the WonderBolts out of spit. As for Rainbow Dash knowing Twilight Sparkle and by extension (really stretching things here folks) Princess Celestia. As much as we joke about Celestia being a "Dictator" or a "Troll" she couldn't be able, or allowed even, to simply take one side of the story and believe it without serious evidence to back up Rainbow's claims. Sadly Rainbow doesn't have any evidence other than a broken heart, which would most likely feed the WonderBolts accounts more than her own.
With that, people look at yourselves. We are all bronies here (and if you're not, then watch the show and come back, we all be here waiting to welcome you to the Herd) this is not what we do here. If you want to call someone out for doing something you dislike, do it with civility, a personal e-mail expressing your discontent, give the rating you feel it deserves and leave it at that, or if you must be openly expressive yourself, write your own Fanfic parallel with this in the way you believe it would/should play out and let the vox populi decide.
I cannot and will not discredit someone for not liking this story, I personally love it, yet I understand that nothing will please everypony, and to those who disagree, I will LOVE AND TOLERATE you as our New Pony Overlords dictate.
That is all, thank you for your time.
@John Sullivan
VastaKustuta... Stop knowing more about my subject matter. Lol.
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaNo.
Okay.
VastaKustutathat was
VastaKustutasad
I loved the subversion of the traditional shipfic. And while I don't think this is canon spitfire, it does fit with her observed behavior and is unfortuntely not out of character for that sort of rock-star celeb.
VastaKustutaBut I'm not sure Spitfire is a serial heartbreaker; most people are not intentionally cruel. Maybe most of her groupies know exactly what they are signing up for, and she just assumed that Dash understood the subtext. Her response was harsh, but more just irritated than mean.
I would love to see a sequel to this. I really am interested to find out what Dash decides to do with her life after that, and whether she finds somebody who respects her in addition to being attracted.
I loved the subversion of the traditional shipfic. And while I don't think this is canon spitfire, it does fit with her observed behavior and is unfortuntely not out of character for that sort of rock-star celeb.
VastaKustutaBut I'm not sure Spitfire is a serial heartbreaker; most people are not intentionally cruel. Maybe most of her groupies know exactly what they are signing up for, and she just assumed that Dash understood the subtext. Her response was harsh, but more just irritated than mean.
I would love to see a sequel to this. I really am interested to find out what Dash decides to do with her life after that, and whether she finds somebody who respects her in addition to being attracted.
Now I can't watch any scenes with Spitfire anymore. Your writing is so good it has actually caused my opinion of Spitfire in this story to mar my opinion of her in the show. Excellent work.
VastaKustutaOh my, I'm changing people's permanent interpretation of a character?
VastaKustutaFuck.
Why can there never be happy rainbowfire shipping D:
VastaKustutathis story is very good.
I really liked the subversion here, I think it was a good move.
VastaKustutaPart of me thinks that perhaps Spitfire wasn't actually disdainful, that it was part of what Rainbow's perception of the scene, much like how she imagined any affection beyond the physical the night before.
That said, if it wasn't in Rainbow's mind I think Spitfire definitely had some shades of OOC, even within the fic itself. I had expected her to dismiss Rainbow's feelings as 'c'mon, we both know it was just a fling - I mean, seriously?' and fly off without a second thought. But instead she drops some verbal barbs that are harsher than necessary.
The twist was a refreshing subverion of expectations which I appreciated, being a dabbler in storytelling myself. However, the execution of the twist was off, and that's what was jarring me out of my suspension of disbelief.
Still, loved the story anyway, especially the bit where Applejack assures Rainbow that they'll always be friends regardless of orientation.
Good job!
Just one more reason to not drink alcohol.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI assume pony livers are immune.
Rainbow Dash: Hum. I wonder if the Stormbolts are still around...
VastaKustutawhy is there not a (sad) tag?
VastaKustutait definitely had a sad/ harsh ending.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaBecause spoiling an ending is totally cool.
That...
VastaKustutaWow. I did not expect this story to end that way (no I didn't read the extended ending).
Extremely, painfully, tear-wrenchingly well done. I kept expecting Rainbow Dash to perk up by the end, to move on... but you ended the story right before she could choose, and left that up to the imagination of the reader. It's this kind of writing that's made the short story my favorite format, and this story is an exemplary example thereof.
Well, Rainbow Dash? What are you gonna do now?
This did make me genuinely sad. Which I enjoyed! I take it to mean it was well written. It bugs me when people always want there to be happy endings (although I guess some people were just surprised that this was sad because they were just expecting steamy drunk pony shenanigans or something.) And who's to say this wasn't a happy ending, in a way? There is nopony out there cooler than Dash, and I trust her to pull through this and probably prove herself 20% more badass than the Wonderbolts. Personal growth achieved!
VastaKustutaThis fic was awesome. Good job with it :]
Thanks for the comments both of you.
VastaKustutaTo Mechanic, I didn't entirely mean to leave it up to the imagination whether or not she "got over it." At least, from what I thought I was writing, it was clear she was in the process of at least starting to get over it with the entire AJ talk.
And to 3:49 anon, yeah, it's a hopeful ending. There's still a chance I'll continue this... in like, the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar futurrrrrrrrre.
What Rainbow Dash should do is make her own flying team or join another one. The Wonderbolts were her idols, but she liked flying and tricks before she liked them, so that seems like something that might help her. (And if this flying team just happens to make the Wonderbolts look like two-bit amateurs in comparison, well, that's just a bonus.)
VastaKustutaSpeculation speculation.
VastaKustutaJust know that whatever I choose to do, it probably won't be entirely expected, and maybe a little bittersweet. I have no idea because it's not in planning.
@Anonymous your pc is high
VastaKustutaI like it!
VastaKustutaAt first I was like /)^3^(\
But then I was like ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
I read it and enjoyed it up until the end. It's hard to like an ending like that when your two favorite characters end up like that, really tore me apart. Really unsure why there's no sad tag.
VastaKustutaBecause it, you know, would spoil the entire thing?...
VastaKustutaJust saying, it's kind of strange to cross off sad in the archive and come to this. If all the sad stories didn't bother putting that on there to savor the ending and end up stabbing some people in the heart, I'm pretty sure I'd be done. Then again, it's your story, so if you're content with that then that's all that matters.
VastaKustutaNecropost from me!
VastaKustutaI think the tags and description of this fic are very misguiding. It was not at all what I expected to read, seeing as it was more sadfic than shipping. Also, when you finally realised what kind of fic it was the plot made much more sense, up until then it just seemed to be a somewhat mediocre shipfic. The fic was actually good, but not at all what I expected (and wanted) to read right now, and going into it with the wrong ideas sort of ruins it. As I said, during most of the fic I just thought it was a mediocre shipfic, not a soul crushing sadfic.
Good fic, terrible tagging.
@Youkai_Appleyouk
VastaKustutaGiving it a sad tag would literally spoil half of the story and make the first half look terrible, when the generic-ness of the ship is subverted by the one-night-stand approach by Spitfire. The story is intentionally mis-leading because it also mis-leads Dash along the way.
@NinesTempest
VastaKustutaI understand why you wouldn't want to sad-tag it, but then I'm afraid you should have kept it off EqD. Sadfic gets sadtag, they are there for a reason. I don't want to go into a fic expecting diabetes and getting a stomach ache instead. And as I said, had I known this was a sadfic I could have actually enjoyed it. Now I just thought of it as a crap shipfic until 2/3 through, suddenly realising the fic hardly deserves a ship-tag at all.
As I've previously said many times: tag describes content, and for a reason. Doing anything but using them correctly is stupid. It may cause more of an impact since the ones reading it won't be expecting it, but the result will ALSO be that the ones who are looking for this sort of fic WON'T find it, and those who are not WILL. That's never good. You want readers who might want to read your fic, don't you?
RD loved spitfire, that is more than enough for shipping.
VastaKustutaAll shipping means is that there is a relationship that isn't canon. And the story had that. Mood, atmosphere, all of that stuff you decide on your own, and if you went into it expecting diabetus, that was your own head's judgement call.
What about it was crap until the reveal?
Ok...... As entertaining as this story was to read, it stood out the wrong way in one huge way. And that way was the way Spitfire was portrayed. This story alone makes me lose every bit of respect I already have for her! The only reason I have chossen to keep that respect for her is because she isn't like that. That being said I have to say now that this has got to be my least favorite of all of the stories I've read so far. Seriously, man what makes you think that Spitfire can be like this? I mean Dash DID save her life after all. Also I'm pretty sure if Spitfire could read this, she'd be pissed.
VastaKustuta@N.1.S.
VastaKustutaIt is intended that you hate spitfire in this story. And until she has full, canon episodes, the things in this story are not outside the realm of possibility.
Excuse me for a moment, there is something manly in my eye.
VastaKustutaBetter now, Thanks BB for the ending drawing!
Was the the only one who read the cleaner's voice with a Spanish accent? Is that racist?
*Was I the
VastaKustutaI found it lacking in most ways, there were a few well written parts however overall it was merely a string of statements threaded together which portrayed a scene from the author's mind. More expression and substance would have been nice.
VastaKustuta