[Normal] Twilight Sparkle, Ace Detective. That sounds like a pretty cool idea for a comic book. While somepony gets on that, here's a mystery story for you.
Author: tootaloo
Warden of the Everfree Forest
Description: How does Ponyville remain safe while being so close to the Everfree Forest? Twilight and Spike investigate and come across an old secret.
Additional Tags: Mystery, Investigation, Everfree Forest, Ponyville, Fight
21 comments:
The idea is interesting. And most of the story works.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I can just not see Fluttershy killing any animals. I know you address it, sorta, but its still so against her character in the show.
Still, its not enough to turn me away from the story entirely.
Fluttershy just can't kill small animals. I agree, she doesn't really have the conscience to kill any small animal, regardless of the circumstance.
ReplyDeleteOnce the premise was established, the plot was fairly predictable. That didn't stop it from being awesome, however.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous you must of not read it then, because she doesn't kill any "small" animals in the story
ReplyDeleteAny sort of animals then.
ReplyDeleteLol @ seeing comments about Fluttershy killing animals. All I have to say to you guys is: what the flying fuck do you think she is prepared for? And Twilight was there, unconscious. Spike was too. If she didn't do something, that would be two deaths, and as evidence from Dragonshy, we KNOW she doesn't let others hurt her friends. Given her Warden status, I don't remotely see this as out of character.
ReplyDelete*Shrugs*
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I just feel there was no reason for it yet. She was using the stare. I will assume that would have worked hadn't she been interrupted. The Warden thing works. I suppose I can even see her killing an animal if it was absolutely necessary.
Yet it didn't feel absolutely necessary yet. Not to me.
a wizard did it
ReplyDeleteInteresting concept that could easily fall in with the lore. Well done.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous I like the way you think
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDeleteUnconscious Twilight Sparkle and helpless Spike?
I'd hate to see what is necessary for you.
Fluttershy = Xena. D: BADASS.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm... Ending was a bit abrupt, but otherwise good.
ReplyDeleteTell ya what I would have done, though. I would have had Twilight follow Fluttershy obsessively trying to prove she's the warden only to find out in the end she isn't, decide the Warden is all a myth, and then have a stinger with Pinkie Pie suiting up or something.
But what we got was good for a nice, light fic. Nothing really wrong with it.
A bit grittier than I prefer about of my Pony, but I have to say that the concept of Fluttershy shouldering such a tremendous duty is compelling.
ReplyDeleteThere's just one thing I can't get over. Well two really:
ReplyDelete1) "No monsters have EVER attacked Ponyville..." So wait. The Ursa Minor, Parasprites, snoring Dragon, et al never happened?
2) The guards in Canterlot patrol the streets. Presumably to deter crime and do law enforcement. These functions are expressly NOT part of the Warden's job. So how is law enforcement done in Ponyville?
The premise requires the entire village to carry the idiot ball (we live next to a forest full of monsters; let's depend entirely on a single anonymous, unpaid, and possibly FICTIONAL individual to protect us!), and that canon in the series itself be ignored.... Fluttershy didn't intervene with the parasprites, the Hydra, OR the Ursa Minor, and she had to be dragged up the mountain to intervene with the dragon.... which would have meant she was carrying the deception so far that it imperiled her friends and the village she was protecting.
ReplyDeleteIt would have worked, ignoring the idiot-ball issues, if it had been some other pony and Fluttershy was just a red herring. Heck, it would have worked if it was Angel the Rabbit. But Fluttershy? nope.
I was hoping to hear it was rainbow dash the entire way through, still it's a very fun read.
ReplyDeleteMy major complaint is that "loose" =/= "lose."
ReplyDeleteEvery time you used the two interchangably, I was ripped out of the story, and the narrative was interrupted.
Other than that it was... nice.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteAn animal greatly suffering and without any hope of making a recovery, I could see that (mercy kill). Maybe, I don't know, something like mad cow disease messing with a hydra. Killing the one animal that is beyond help to save the countless of other creatures it would otherwise kill in its madness. Stuff like that.
I can see Fluttershy distracting the basilisk here, luring it away from Spike and Twilight (the creature was already focused on Fluttershy after all). I just feel there were still other options :P Heck, as I read I was expecting her to nail the creature to a tree with her arrows or something, then use the Stare.
*Shrugs* The Fluttershy from the show would never, ever kill an animal. And I guess I just can't get over that.
Anyway, author, this is my personal opinion. I already told you I enjoyed the story, and even if this bothers me I still find it a good read ^^
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThis would of been an...interesting take in the story and honestly thought it was headed in that direction.
I started reading this and immediately wanted to stop. You spend an entire page telling us things we already know: where Ponyville is, what the Everfree Forest is like, what Twilight and Spike look like. They're right there in the picture! Have a care for your audience. I see things like this a lot in fanfic, and I think they're starting to wear on me.
ReplyDeleteAnd then Twilight freaking out about a lack of guards? "The Princess must hear of this"? What is she, Celestia's eyes and ears in Ponyville? It's partially that she seems out of character and partly that... she's just kind of saying everything out loud, her and Spike both.
The idea of the Warden is intriguing, and that's why I kept reading. And then I suddenly go "whoa wait what" as I catch the reveal.
Why doesn't Twilight just teleport out of Fluttershy's place? Issues of characterization aside, making Fluttershy secretly awesome is... awesome. I just wish the execution had been tighter in this one. The not-ending doesn't help.