[Normal][Sad] "These are lovely little vignettes you can read over coffee and get a smile or a melancholy sigh out of, if longer fanfics are too daunting or you just don't have the time." - Pre-reader #12
Author: George Pollock, Jr
Description: In an alternate FiM universe, the retired royal librarian of Equestria looks back on the interesting times of her life.Tales (All Chapters)
Additional tags: Twilight Sparkle, reminiscing about friends
192 comments:
I reviewed this on FFN a while back. Just check there for my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I'm glad to be the first person to give this the five stars it deserves.
waaay too short. I've had my fiction sent back for being too short, and it was thrice as long as this.
ReplyDeletebut that doesn't involve you. Good work, keep it up.
@Anon
ReplyDeleteYou know there are like, 15 chapters, right? You have to click the next button in the upper right hand corner.
Anyway, these look great, and I love flashfiction. I'll definitely be reading through all of them.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt's more than one story. Hit the next button at the top.
Oh mai... @ who Bic Mac married >.<
ReplyDeleteI'm only on chapter 2 but I can tell I'll be reading through this fast. I like it so far.
Abso-friggin-lutely beautiful. 6 stars, everypony, 6 stars.
ReplyDeleteFIM=Ponyville Memoirs... really nice touch....
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I submitted it to this site! Wish I could say I was the author, but I'm glad that it seems to be getting the love it deserves.
ReplyDeleteChapter 8 makes me cry manly manly tears.
Need a 7-star tag, Seth.
ReplyDelete@Cereal Velocity
ReplyDeleteBest image choice too. I was worried about what picture to use, but the simplistic minimalist Twilight does have that... reflective quality about it appropriate for this story.
ED has the best staff. MLP:FiM has the best staff. MLP:FiM has the best fanbase.
herp derp I'm the same brony who commented above Crimson there.
ReplyDeleteThey're excellent short stories. I loved them :) 5/5
ReplyDeleteThe unorthodox storytelling style which still manages to convey both a brilliant plot and fantastic characterizations, along with the author's ability to tie all that happens throughout the fic together before the final sentence, makes this a true gem.
ReplyDeleteAn adventure of the highest caliber, "Tales" is a captivating story of happiness, life, loss, suspense, and mystery. And when the dust has settled, the congregation of words the reader has seen remains intertwined with him not as a waste of time, but as one of the greatest accomplishments seen in this or any other fandom thus far.
5+/5, highest recommendation.
Hasn't this already been posted before? I know I've already read it a good while ago (maybe not the last chapter), but I'm not sure if I saw it on here first or if it was on TV Tropes (because there is a link to it on there as well).
ReplyDeleteAnyways, since its here I will say that I had been reading this with casual interest (that sounds a lot meaner than I want it to, but I'm not sure how to phrase it better) until Dash's chapter. After that punch in the gut, I hung on to every word from then to the ending.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteIt has not. I made sure to triple check before I submitted it. I found it on TVTropes and thought to myself "Why doesn't ED have this masterpiece!?"
And now they do so yay.
Many man tears were shed. This... is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. No rating is enough. This transcends being quantified.
ReplyDeleteOh god, I almost cried when I read chapter eight.
ReplyDelete[SPOILERS]
ReplyDeleteThat was heavy stuff. I am not quite sure where you got the idea Pegasi and Unicorns live so much longer then Earth Ponies, but its an interesting angle. Bit sad though, since we pretty much see no AJ or Pinkie. Not even a final goodbye, we just know they are long gone.
And why oh why is it so often Rainbow? What is it about her that makes bronies want to... Euch. Whatever.
Well, I just read all chapters in one go. And I don't have a single bit of criticism. Except maybe I would have liked to get just a bit more Pinkie and AJ, but whatever. I have no doubt this will be 6 stars before to long.
I'm quite astonished.
ReplyDeleteThis is one very good fanfic.
Easily 5 stars.
5 STARS IS NOT ENOUGH. NOR IS 6. 7. 8.
ReplyDeleteThere aren't enough stars in this universe.
@ Baree
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that too. In the straight GrimDarks, Rarity is usually the one who has the bad stuff happen to her (and, more rarely, is the only one who bad things happen to).
But in the Sadfics (and the Sadfics with elements of GrimDark), it is almost always Dash who suffers the most.
[Major spoilers[
ReplyDeleteI... oh god... Rainbow...
Okay I know this isn't supposed to be sad... well that is but the rest... but fuck me.
Fuck me hard.
5 Stars.
i'm going to save all of these fuck, fuck fuck. Saved. Fucking so good.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteI think the reason for that is that Dash is really the only character who has and shared her clear-cut goal in life; to become a Wonderbolt. None of the other ponies have such an easily quantifiable direction in their lives
And that makes writing Dash incredibly difficult. Nobody wants to be the one who attempts two have Dash live the dream, and then have their ideas not accepted by the community.
Or maybe I'm waffling.
I didn't like this fic because of Rainbow Dash. Not just because she died, (although that annoys me because RD is by far the pony most often killed by authors) but because she died stupidly.
ReplyDeleteOther than that though it was alright. Also didn't like the idea that Pegasi and Unicorns live longer than Earth Ponies.
There must always be... a Zecora.
ReplyDeleteSome elements of this, mostly the stuff concerning Spike, don't QUITE fit in with the established canon of the cartoon...
ReplyDeleteAnd this is me not giving two shits. This story was beautiful enough for me to know that, accept it, and push it aside without taking me out of the story itself. Well done!
@ Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteNo, you're very likely correct in that explanation. I would merely add that it is probably a combination of that and her personality itself.
Dash is always the one who acts as the rock in regards to how she carries herself and acts (her ego and her swagger), and it seems to me that bad things happening to her (especially in her prime, like what happened in this story and ones like The Last Sonic Rainboom) piles on the extra helping of bittersweet that wouldn't happen with other characters.
Of course, here I am fan wanking about literary concepts in the comment section for a fan fic, so what have you.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteRandom tragedies happen. Just like her husband.
Guess author just decided Rainbow should... you know...
because he's mean ;w;
Oh, these were absolutely wonderful. Really, very engaging and grabbing. The first person perspective was done beautifully and the laying out of the world beyond Equestria was pitch perfect.
ReplyDeleteOh, this author deserves a mountain of praise for this work. It grabbed at my heart, and while never ripping it out it tugged at the string.
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteThis is part of the reason her tragedy is such a strong thing to happen in that chapter; once that... simple, easy goal hits... it's FUCING KILLING ME FUCK
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure that was the point-and the tragedy-of her death. It was so needless-so stupid.
But it happened anyway. Just like it does in the real world.
Stupid shit happens, with seemingly no reason at all, and lives are tossed aside because of it. I have a friend who died in a car crash. A single automobile car crash. Experts who looked at the scene theorized that a deer jumped in the road and she lost control of her vehicle when she tried to avoid it. A fucking deer. Just like a fucking bird, being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And it was, and still is, tragic.
The senselessness-yet /believability/ of Dash's death in this story is what makes it so tragic, so sad.
Pegasi and Unicorns living longer than Earth Ponies is believable. This interpretation of the MLP:FiM universe is one where Unicorns and Pegasi have magic running through their veins. They're arcane creatures in his interpretation. Earth Ponies aren't.
Holy shit I just analogued pony fanficiton to my friend's car crash.
ReplyDeleteI
I need to lay down
I just waned to say, as a lurker, that was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI cried.
But, I'm very emotional around this time of the month, so that might be why..
@Alexstrazsa
ReplyDelete7 STAR TAG YES.
NEED.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI... I feel awful for you. Somehow.
Regardless, about the Earth Ponies, Faust has confirmed that they also have magic; they have a connection to the land and animals (hence farming). It also makes sense when you realize Fluttershy was originally an earth pony...
I'm going to pelt Seth with demands this be made 7-stars until he gives in.
ReplyDelete@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind this story was written back in February. Might have been before Faust made that statement.
This is Mr. Pollack Jr.'s take on Equestria. Canon can suck it, it's beautiful.
Wow, that was powerful. Assumptions were made, strong characterizations were taken, but by Celestia, the outcome was so worth it. A full-deserving 5 stars, and my hat off, to you.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI agree, it's too powerful and imaginative to be anything less just because it might not be official.
WHY ISN'T IT STAR 7 YET?!!??!?!
ReplyDelete-_-
I nearly bawwed at the part about Dash and Rarity. I didn't cry at my grandmothers funeral but this did it. Wow this story was a tearjerker for sure 6-stars
ReplyDelete51 votes, 4.9 rating.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 6 stars.
(whoever voted it at anything other than a 5 has yet to fully embrace the magic of friendship)
I don't see how this isn't a five star (and I have only rated like 10 five stars out of the over a hundred fics on this site...)
ReplyDeleteIt's emotions vary a lot; happy, sad, uplifting, learning, tragedy, prose is perfectly in character. Drifting in and out of explaining dialog and having spoken lines works so perfectly.
I'm still major sadfacing at RD. Really fucking hard. Fuck me.
IS AUTHOR HERE
ReplyDeleteI BET HE ISN'T
FUCK
I HAVE A QUESTIONNNNN
@NinesTempest
ReplyDelete@Nope, afaik the author doesn't even know his fic's on Equestria Daily. It's only been like 2 hours.
That @Nope should not have an @.
ReplyDeleteherp derp
I just wanted to know
ReplyDeleteHow fast RD was going
when she collided with the bird
I mean if it was a small bird
she'd have to be going... really fast. REALLY fast.
SEEEEEVEEEEEEN STAAAAARS!
ReplyDelete@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteTo get the effect described in the story in regards to the bird, probably arouond 90mph.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwpRHrAh3pk
Keep in mind that Dash can go supersonic, and I imagine that she was going to end her routine with her signature rainboom, since nopony else can do it. So, in my mind she was just about to go supersonic after the loops.
IDK though. Fast enough.
@ NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about it. As I said in my first post, this is actually the second time I've read this story (it looked familiar, so I had to jump to Chapter 8 to make sure), and it screwed me up this time just as much as it did the first time.
I've shed manly tears over several Pony stories I've read, but this is one of only 3 that I've completely lost it over.
Friend, you have written a powerful memoir of the character. This excellent work deserves recognition, and it's worthy of such an honor. It's well versed, there is a lot of sadness in the chapters, specially Rainbow Dash's, but you did well. Keep it up, you have much potential.
ReplyDeleteCheers.
i enjoyed this
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about this story from now on, the word that will come to mind is "beautiful".
ReplyDelete5 stars.
Okay, they are really good. I mean REALLY good. Full 5-Star's. Only wish I could give more!
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm
losing it here too
Fucking... Dash... FUCK.
Hey this is my third fic then I've lost it over too
FUck yeah hard-skinned ftw
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteOh, now this is interesting.
What were the other two? I must take a look at those.
I'm afraid of putting this at 5 stars. How do I do 6?
ReplyDeleteI've only cried over this fic, Bittersweet, and A Summer Twilight.
ReplyDeleteAll of which are -excellent-.
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteI can link you
the first and only until the last two weeks
fics I've cried at!!1!
It used to be on eqd but I think the owner got butthurt and took it down lol.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteIf you have a DeviantArt you can message me:
http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/
Truly amazing story, so sad how rainbow dash died.
ReplyDeleteMusn't cry...
ReplyDeleteBe strong...
*whimpers*
This story rocks like no other. That is all.
ReplyDeleteAll in favor of 7-star tag?
ReplyDeleteAYE!
@ Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteYou've read one of them
The first one was Chapter 8 of The Night That Never Ended. I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit that, because TNTNE isn't really a sadfic, but I had built up a prediction regarding what would happen in that chapter that was so close to being accurate that it hurt that much more when I ended up being wrong about it.
Basically, it was my own fault for getting too emotionally attached to the character; spending too much time attempting to discover who she was and in the process ignoring the warning signs that had been put up to tell me it wasn't going to end well (because after I figured out who she was early on in that chapter, I came to the stupid conclusion that nothing bad was going to happen to her. Needless to say, every chapter since then has been read with a lot more caution).
Second one is much more straightforward. The Last Sonic Rainboom, which was the second story of the Nightfall at Sweet Apple Acres series. I claimed in the comments for that story that I had manly tears throughout, but the truth was quite a bit less elegant than that. In actuality, I basically just cried, and kept crying for a good while after I was done.
Also:
@ Crimson Valor
Really? I thought that avatar looked familiar. I love the stuff you got up.
That was undeniably beautiful. I'm going to be thinking about this for days.
ReplyDeleteOf the very few "what-if-in-the-future" stories I've enjoyed, this is among the favorites. Beautifully written, and everything fit. I would have guessed I was reading a script from Faust herself.
It was very moving in a sort of simple way. I have to say I nearly cried when I read about Rainbow Dash. Not the way I imagined it, but it seemed...suiting.
Truly amazing. Honestly, at LEAST 6 stars are in order.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteSomehow I couldn't cry at Nightfall, just because it was too peaceful of a way for RD to pass, so much she had already done and how she had impacted everyone and lived her life, as I said in the comments.
This here? Just as she had her dream. It was ON her tongue, she was standing on it, it was the pedestal beneath her hooves that she had already claimed.
And then ripped from her.
That's why this is true sad. A real tragedy isn't sad; maybe antigone could be sad, or hamlet could be sad, but it takes doing and thinking. This? This is just a random death at the worst possible time. The cruelest thing.
This thing going to get up to 100 ratings before it gets any stars?
ReplyDelete@ NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteMy problem with The Last Sonic Rainboom was that the same thing happened to her as what happened here. She achieved her dream, but she only got to live it for a little while before she lost it again.
Basically, I felt what happened to Dash in both stories was basically the same thing, only she had to live through the pain of having her dream snatched away rather than dying after having fulfilled it. And I personally felt that it was even worse than what happened here, because here at least when she went out she was on top of the world rather than spending most of her life dwelling on what it could have, no, should have been.
That was absolutely Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI read it while out eating dinner at a diner near my dorm.
Longest I've ever sat in the diner let me tell you.
Positively brilliant....
wow.. well 5 stars, because it was so beautifully written. but honestly, I wish I hadnt read it. it filled me with sad :(
ReplyDeleteloved the apocalypse ponies being worked in there though :D
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteYes, that chapter was pretty intense. I didn't take it the way you did; it didn't make me want to cry, but it shocked me and shook me to my core.
I haven't yet read the Nightfall series. I might, but after the emotional HE round that this fic was, I'm going to need some time to recover.
And yes, I am MaximillianVeers. :)
I've also suddenly realized why I tend to shy away from these kinds of stories: It's not the things the characters say or do, or even who may or may not die...
It's the fact that, eventually, we know, the characters will all go their separate ways... they will no longer be within arms reach of each other... and that's always the hardest part of friendships; letting those friends go.
I´m crying. Life is cruel and you make that obvious in this fic.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to say thank you to the bronies who inadvertently pointed me towards The Last Sonic Rainboom.
ReplyDeleteYes, chapter eight is a sad one, I cried as well. I am making a sketch of a story right now, after reading these... Mine looks like chicken scratch. To say the least. I only hope when mine is finished that it can look half as good as this.
ReplyDeleteKilling Rainbow Dash young is a convenient way of getting around the question of what the hell she'd do with herself as an old mare, at least. She's the one most difficult to see resting on her laurels as some kind of matriarch, and would likely have the most difficulty adjusting to old age and physical weakening.
ReplyDeleteCONFOUND THIS FANDOM
ReplyDeleteIT GIVES ME A SAD.
Wow. Just wow. I don't even know where to begin. I have tears at the moment and I'm not sure it's because I'm tired and running on a few hours of sleep, or this story. Stepping outside of canon,which is sort of a necessity at least to some degree when you mention fanfic, this was a very bittersweet story and I loved every moment of it.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoy the tear-jerking emotional response stories and this just hit the spot. It just, worked. It's a shame some of the characters passed on without saying much, but in a way that was the whole point wasn't it? Besides, as much as I enjoy Pinkie, I don't doubt that her perky randomness would have thrown off the mood of this story.
If I were to pick apart what I enjoyed about this story, it wouldn't even be able to fit only that in the 4000 something characters allowed. So, just know that it was able to make me feel truly happy, truly sad, chuckle a little inside, make my eyes watery, and have me wonder just what DID happen to Zecora?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make her death any easier to stomach.
I gave it 4/5 (since there are only 5 stars to officially rate with).
ReplyDeleteIt was very well done and I enjoyed the whole thing, but I feel it needed an editing pass to be a truly great work. There was needless repetition in too many places - jarring enough to read it took me out of the story. For example, twilight seems to ramble the same thing over and over again on certain points. Ex: The "Normal" dragon/Occidental/Oriental section. It was stated once, and didn't need to be reworded and restated several times. Overall, I felt informal tone was far too informal for the character, and the rambling, restating made it more cumbersome to read than it would have been otherwise. If the author was trying to approximate an older character whose memory might be failing and the rambling recollections of yore, I think they could have pulled it back a bit, and an another editing pass with a Beta would have helped. Additionally the transitions between retelling dialog and describing what happened could have used some massaging in some areas. Ex: recalling what AJ said after Dash crashed was handled well and clearly, but the retelling of what happened when Rex asked Celestia's permission to step out with Twilight? That was a bit more muddy and "Wait...what?". Good prose makes you think about the story, not "What the heck just happened in the paragraph I read?"
All that said, I think the emotion was there, and the author hit the right notes with it, and it was a generally well done story
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteneigh
6 stars inless the author fixes the part about spike to sync with cutie mark chronicals
Great story. Very heartwarming. :3
ReplyDelete@ Lan
ReplyDeleteI almost went back to change it down to a 4 star, but then I read more of your comment. This is a beautifully written story. So what there was no beta, so what they didnt fix every spelling error, so WHAT they repeated something twice.
This was a person throwing his story and ideas out there for us to enjoy. He conquered our interest, plucked at our heart-strings, and took away some of our dear characters. All the while keeping us deeply wrapped in the story. And what DID happen to Zecora?
This deserves nine stars. 10 would have been perfect, but again that is where I draw the line for mistakes too. I gave it 5.
@Skylark
ReplyDeleteSo how is a 4/5 different from a 9/10 then? ;) (actual math values aside, heh) It's almost but not quite perfect.
I actually didn't mention anything about spelling.
The commentary was more for the author should they ever show up and read the comments here (heh I know I would). I included specific examples so they could see why I thought as I did, rather than wonder with hurt feelings or just dismiss me as a hater (because I really did like the piece - it just wasn't perfect for me and I cared enough to wish to help in some small way)
Yes, their story was great but how much more impact would it have if they'd tweaked the dials and tightened the screws as it were? Constructive criticism is an opportunity to discover what didn't quite work, what didn't land, and what someone can work on in the future. The result? good becomes Awesome. Sometimes people don't care that much, and that's okay! This is all for fun. But oh MAN I wanted this to be tighter, which is really a credit to the author.
I wasn't ripping it apart my any means and I sincerely hope no one took it that way, as it wasn't my intent. I tend to leave comments only on fics I think are mind-blowing and on fics that are *almost* but not quite there. It's entirely selfish because I'd love to see those authors blow my mind in the future :)
As for more specifics of what I did like, much has been mentioned, but the thread with Fluttershy was creepy and yeah, I really *do* want to know what happened to Zecora. What IS with that cloak? Also I love world-building, so the inclusion of Mythos and Pyra? totally awesome! I also liked they did include both styles of dragons. :)
4 hours, 101 ratings, 4.9 stars.
ReplyDeleteI think it's time for that star tag.
Manly tears, ;_;
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm going ever read another sad fic again... this is just too sad. That said it's def a 6-star+ story
Noo it's down to 4.8. After 4 hours of being at 4.9. :(
ReplyDeleteAh well, just 'cuz it'll be improperly labeled as a 5-star story doesn't mean it's not a 6-star story in our hearts!
MANLY TEARS
Wow, that was incredible. It has seriously taken me 15 minutes to get my mind back together enough to write anything.
ReplyDeleteVery well written and clever. Made me think and is still making me think. So sad in places and well, poor Twi such a hard life and an interesting view on Equestria. I have to admit I almost cried a few times, even had to stop reading at one point to stop myself crying. I'm impressed and that's not easy to do.
Thank you for a good read.
Came for the cool art,
ReplyDeleteStayed for the 113 ratings.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteTwo things. It's Rainbow Dash. Again. Why is it always Rainbow Dash? It's become cliche, it was cliche even when this was written, which was a while ago, and I'm not a fan of cliches when you don't need them.
And the accident was stupid. Not stupid in the "it was a senseless tragedy" way, but stupid in the "how the heck is that even possible?" way. If something like that happened in real life, I might laugh. It'd be like if a friend died from having a coconut fall on his head. Yeah, it sucks he died, but it was a stupid way to die, and so would be funny.
Same response to the other person who replied to me. It was stupid. I still laugh when I think about it. She hit a bird. That's just dumb. A dumb way to die. A way to die that doesn't even make sense. It's a bird, not a deer. She's a horse. If anything, hitting a bird at that speed should have just obliterated the bird. Rainbow Dash should have ended her trick covered in bird gore, not dead.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteYou clearly have no concept of basic phsyics. The meaning of Newton's third law is lost on you.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteWith all due respect, I think you're overanalyzing this just slightly.
Then again, I adore this story and have for a good while, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteI'd actually argue that he's underanalyzing it. Or is at least under the impression that Dash is a horse made of airplane.
Except birds take those out too.
Huh.
If she's travelling fast enough, running into a bird certainly could kill her. It's not the size or mass of the thing that matters, it's a matter of both the obstacle's mass AND the speed at which it is hit.
ReplyDeleteMythbusters proved this... hitting a housefly at 90 miles an hour imparts 20 pounds of force on the impact zone. It's not enough to kill, but you'd certainly feel it.
@ AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteA baseball thrown at 90 MPH can easily kill someone if they get hit in the head, neck or chest.
Birds can very easily weigh more than baseballs, and Dash was very likely going far faster than 90 MPH.
The energy expanded in an impact increases exponentially with speed, because kinetic energy increases exponentially with speed.
The bird would obviously be obliterated, but the force of the impact has to go somewhere.
Season 2 cannot come fast enough... every time I watch the first to pull myself out of a rut, it's less and less effective...
ReplyDelete@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteThanks to everypony who liked "Tales." I'm very flattered. And if I might say, I LOVE the Twilight art on the link! Might use it as my computer wallpaper. High praise to the artist. :)
Thanks again, everypony!
George Pollock, Jr.
Newport News, Virginia, USA
This was an intriguing set of stories, though I found the narrative style partially divorces the reader from the impact.
ReplyDeleteWith so few framing events to go with TS's narration, it feels a bit unnatural - the reader may be in the hooves of the "listener," but it's like they're standing there mutely, getting drowned in words.
Compare it with something like Spiegelman's "Maus," which is also a collection of reminiscences, but which has a prominent frame story to keep the reader grounded.
That said, it is only a SMALL bother. The vignettes were clever and well-presented.
The Dragon parts added some very interesting backfill for Spike, and everypony's futures seemed plausible (though yeah, Dash is this fandom's kicking bag - oh well...).
I thought the addition of the Steed "religion" was an interesting choice, given that "oaths" tend to use Celestia's name in the series. I'm not sure I've seen that before.
All in all, an easy and enjoyable read.
@George Pollock, Jr.
ReplyDeleteMr. Pollock...
I salute you. I doubt I will ever read anything so moving again, in my entire life. Your work is a masterpiece of such depth and quality that is unparalleled in anything else I have read.
I'll be honest and snooty here; I think those people who are complaining about you spelling or framing or whatnot are people who never allowed themselves to fully sink into the emotional content of the story.
It's heartbreaking, what you've written. But it's also incredibly beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing your work with us.
If readers want answers to their questions, please send a message at:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fanfiction.net/u/288767/George_Pollock_J
Legitimate criticism is fine (yes, maybe a beta reader would have be a good call ...), but no flames, please. Tanks!
Sorry. Should be "Jr" at the end of the address.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention "T-H-anks!" Where's my damned beta reader?! :)
WHY CAN'T I SEVEN-STAR THIS
ReplyDeleteWithout getting too deep, I'll say this about Zecora: She moved on simply because she wanted to. But she bequeathed her cloak, embued with her great spiritual power and knowledge of nature, to a pony who also has an affinity for nature:
ReplyDeleteFluttershy.
But the pegasus isn't BECOMING Zecora, per se. It's just that the cloak is imparting knowledge through spiritual power onto her. And sometimes, that manifests itself in subtle rhymes. :)
Thanks again to everypony!
Can we get this thing back up to 4.9? By the time Seth and Cereal stop their... fued... thing... I'd like to get this thing a 6-star rating. It really deserves it.
ReplyDelete@George Pollock, Jr.
I'm so glad that I brought this fic to ED. The response the fans have brought to it-and the positive response that you brought to seeing it here-have made me a very happy guy.
Thanks for bringing wonderful literature into our lives.
I'm done posting anonymously too, because I figured out how to make a blogger :D
*feud
ReplyDeleteWhen you get your beta reader, send him my way.
I was randomly thinking about Dash's passing, and my computer suddenly started played "Into the West" by Annie Lennox, and I broke down and cried like a baby.
ReplyDeleteOh shit! Why do you guys always find the most upsetting way to kill Rainbow off? :(
ReplyDelete*sniff* ... its... BEAUTIFUL... 6 out of 5 stars for you! A wonderful read. Was reading it on the sly at work, my god if I knew how powerful this story was I would have never dared start reading it at work - just about finished chapter 8 and I had to close it and try forget it until now, after work when I can read it and get all teary without being hassled. Anyhow, I loved it nonetheless! Gotta go find a happy fic to cheer me up now
ReplyDeleteI love these! They're so emotionally compelling, all of them give a strong sense of happiness or sadness, and really are well written.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I cried so hard on Chapter 8. Like I said, good stuff.
These stories set so many years in the future, that recollect on everything that's happened. My eyes are wet. It really felt emotional, it felt like Twilight was telling me her life's story. I did cry on chapter 8... that was beyond tragic... And towards the end I welled up again. The entire story was flooding with emotion. Amazing work. Magic. Surreal.
ReplyDeleteA keeper for sure.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteReplying to myself to tack this on:
This is the kind of story you give to your children many years from now, when they give you a puzzled look as to what bronies were all about, and ponies.
You let them watch the show, and let them read this. And they will understand then.
Just finished reading, I'm still crying... so emotionaly touched by this! It's just wonderful, I've never felt that way before! Thank you good sir for letting me experience this mystical feeling that combines such intense happyness and sadness! Trully a masterpiece of art!
ReplyDelete@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteI tried to recreate that situation, I played the song and thought about Dash's death, after 10 seconds I couldn't hold my tears, I'm feel all sad and lonely now but in the same time I felt soooo happy that, at least, she died in the air which she loved so much!
Rest in piece Dashie for you will be rembered in all eterity!
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDelete>read every sad/grimdark almost on the site
>like 2-3 have ONLY rainbow dash dying????
Oh, I read this one on FF a while ago. Pinkiepie + Machintgos that's a very random copule. I felt so sorry for Rainbow Dash
ReplyDeleteI normally hate future fics cause they're always so sad, but whatever, I'll read this.
ReplyDelete@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteIt's not just her death, someone else said it; Rianbow is kind of this fandom's kicking bag.
I mean look at "The Night That Never Ended"... She doesn't die, btu she gets a hell of a beating. Both of her.
@WindBlown Snow
ReplyDeleteI think it would have been the perfect song for her memorial service.
Oh, sweet Celestia, chapter 8...
ReplyDeleteYeah, Dash may be the fandom's kicking bag, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
It was the Missing Pony Formation flyover that made me break down. Beautiful and powerful.
Dammit, Seth, seven-star this thing. It really does deserve it.
... the visit to the memorial in chapter 15 brought my tears back, too.
ReplyDeleteI should've stopped reading this thing after chapter 8 and come back to it later, but I couldn't put it down. It wouldn't let me.
I read the whole thing during my lunch break at work yesterday... It was all I could do not to cry nonstop for the following 5 hours of work. -_-
ReplyDeleteBeautiful really.
ReplyDeletechapter 8 was soooo sad :(
now even though its been an hour since i read it i still well up thinking of Dash:'(
Like pearl on a necklace,those are beautiful...
ReplyDeleteSadly,i have only five stars to give :(
The most beautiful fanfic i've ever read.
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteIn context, it makes sense the other dash got beat.
OUR dash was in a fight, but nothing bad per-se has completely happened to her yet.
@rob
ReplyDeleteJust an hour?
I had trouble sleeping and i read it at around 4 pm.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteYet.
Trixie already hates the captain, don't expect here to treat our Dash any better if they meet.
Nothing good is going to come from when (I don't think we can entertain it being an "if" situation at this point) normal Dash runs into Trixie. Double that if she runs into Trixie when Captain Dash is still in the area.
ReplyDelete@ NinesTempest
Its not so much death as it is bad things in general tend to happen to Dash solely, and if they happen to other characters as well they hit Dash the hardest.
I wouldn't go so far as to call it a cliche, but it is certainly a powerful literary tool that I do see quite frequently in these sorts of stories.
A soldier's tears were shed.
ReplyDeleteI salute you Wonderbolt Rainbow Dash.
The Missing-Pony Formation... Honourable.
too beautiful, I cant even stand it. It's like that dragonball movie where Pan is a grandma and her great grandson looks just like goku. I get the same feeling.
ReplyDeletenot to be a jackass and rain on the love parade, can someone explain WHY you think this is so great?
ReplyDeleteWe have completely out of character Celestia.
We have absolutely no resolution/explanation for Fluttershy's BS
We have the most hilariously absurd death for Rainbow Dash yet (And yes: In the REAL WORLD hitting a bird at speed can kill. But Dashie regularly plows into the ground/other ponies. Rainbow Crash much?)
I mean, the little stories have some entertainment value--they are technically well written too--but I'm just not being drawn in at all. Am I missing something?
Very pretty + one of the most touching fanfics I've read so far. You have a really pleasant writing style, too :D
ReplyDeleteInstant 5-star.
I would have never thought that a fanfiction about colorful talking ponies could have such an effect on me. It kind of bugged me that the stuff about Spike was completely incoherent with the established canon (I know that the author can't be blamed for that), but still...it was beautiful. Not just the stories themselves, but especially how it was written. It kind of really gave you the feeling that Twilight is telling these stories directly to you. So, this was truly wonderful.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'll probably never read it again.
Sounds strange, but...like I said, this was written so well that it touched me deeply. And this is something I personally don't like when it comes to Fanfiction. That and the fact that it takes place so many years after the series. I just don't like these kind of stories, even if they're well-written. For one thing, they go much farther than the creators have ever thought and probably will ever think (which isn't that bad, I mean, that's part of what Fanfiction is there for) and for another thing...when I read about how the characters and the world I learned to know and love over 26 episodes changed in close to a few hundred years, I just feel like I've missed so much. Sure, in these stories, Twilight informs us about the most important events and changes, but missing all these little things that happened in between bugs me. Especially because FiM practically is about the mundane, everyday life of the mane cast. It's like the whole first season would only contain important events and thus the only episodes were the pilot, Dragonshy and Best Night Ever.
So, yeah: This fic is beautiful. Beautiful stories, beautiful writing. But...nothing I want to read again.
First of all, I want to apologize for any shortcomings in the story. My bad. Now, three things:
ReplyDelete1. A reader suggested on fanfiction.net that I should have labeled the story "alternate universe." That's a good suggestion, and I might do it next time. But it didn't occur to me because I think all fan fictions are, by their nature, alternatives to the canons of their sources. That having been said ...
A. (I actually stayed awake during "outline day" in English class. :) ) Out-of-character Celestia: As I planned her to be. My style in fanfics has been to take characters, make them a shade more realistic and put them in more realistic situations. (I'm a 52-year-old brony. I think like that. :) ) Here, I envisioned a slightly more realistic-ruler Celestia who's not as munificent as she seems. She likes to subtly remind ponies that she has a LOT of power. (The whole narrowed-eyes; leaning-forward; quietly saying, "We're doing it MY way; this discussion is over" thing.)
B. Fluttershy and the cloak: Interestingly, I felt I had to pull myself back from what I considered to be MORE sledgehammering the reader as to what was happening. Zecora leaves the cloak to Fluttershy, essentially saying, "See what happens when you start wearing it." When FS does, she starts innately knowing natural cures and starts speaking in subtle rhymes. (See my comment in another post above.) I thought most fans would realize what was happening. I thus thought that having a character say outright "Zecora's cloak is affecting Fluttershy!" would be bringing out the sledgehammer. I tried to be subtle. Maybe I should have brought out the hammer, after all ... :)
C. Dash's death: Simple, sheer, stupid bad luck. Just the right speed and angle of impact. It's within the realm of possibility. I'm allowed as the author to do that. :)
2. (Told you about "outline day" ... :) ) Not enough mundane elements? Too many momentous events? Yup. I envisioned this as Twilight ending up telling an epic tale -- but not really fully perceiving that she IS telling an epic tale. Not though stupidity or naivete. She just considers these memorable events in her life. Remembering having apple pie a few times over at A.J.'s isn't part of what she's doing here.
3. The Spike saga: I wrote this in February, before "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" aired. At that time, I wondered how Twilight and Spike ended up together. Thus the scenario I came up with. If I had been inclined to write a story after "TCMC," I couldn't use the "Crown Prince Spikor" angle at all. In some ways, I want to respect the canon, too.
An interesting footnote: The entire story started in my mind as two events. They were 1.)Zecora's prophecy about a king's tears and 2.) it happening to Twilight. And the king turns out to be Spike. The entire story was just getting from the former to the latter. That simple. And I tried to tease the reader with Rex ("King") and the old king shedding tears on Twilight -- but neither being the king in the prophecy. :)
But I couldn't have written this story legitimately after "TCMC." I recognize that.
Well, that's enough insecure, overdefensive, thin-skinned whining. :) (Rarity: "Whining? I'll show you WHINING!") As I told a reader on fanfiction.net, "Pardon the pun, but that's my story, and I'm stickin' with it." :)
And above all else, thanks for reading and responding, one way or another. :)
@George Pollock, Jr. Regarding Point 2 here (as that's something I pointed out, not sure if other commenters also stated that, as I haven't read all the comments, shame on me): I completely understand your point here. If I wrote my memoirs, I would also stick to the few more or less exciting stories that happened to me instead of telling the people how boring science classes were or the details of my bathroom routine. I know where you're coming from and why you did what you did. It's just a personal dislike for these kind of stories, because, like I said, these characters have grown on me and I dislike missing entire decades of their lives. I remember that the first FiM-fic I read took place in the present day but had an epilogue set just a few years in the future and even that bugged me.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the whole Spike-thing: I think everypony with a bit of brain realizes that you wrote this story before "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" and "forgives" you for the fact that your story is completely inconsistent with the established canon because of that. But even with that knowledge, it feels a little...uncomfortable reading this and thinking "this is completely impossible" in the back of your head, especially because it is such a good and well-written story. But that's the problem with fanfiction: From one episode (or book, or game, or movie, or whatever you're writing about) to the other, your story can be rendered completely invalid.
But hey, again: This is good stuff and reminds me how awesome this fandom really is.
Keep up the good work! *brohoof* ;)
Thanks! And to show that I've only skimmed the surface as a brony, would I be right in thinking that "brohoof" is an Equestrian high-five? :)
ReplyDeleteEarly fanfic can easily be forgiven for inconsistencies; just wait until we see more parents or the CMCs get cutie marks.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a huge encompassing fandom where you can find everything through easy research and playing a game or reading the book; pokemon is an example of an easy canon to understand (as long as you play the games). FiM is a bit harder.
The shortcomings of your story are easily over-written by the powerful narrative from twilight, emotional conflict, and just overall plot was perfect.
@George Pollock, Jr.
ReplyDeleteI got another brohoof for you here, albeit covered in my tears.
Only other thing I'll say is thank you for the wonderful read.
After finishing chapter eight, I admit I felt a little unnerved.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it was the fact that I been reading non-stop since the first chapter so I was enthralled and engaged, or maybe it was the fact that it simply was well written. But I can't help but feel really bad for RD.
Amazing, this story is amazing. I read many fics here on ED but non match up to the level of emotion that this one has instilled out of me.
It's always so interesting to see what happens way later in the pony universe. Albeit, I know that stories of this nature are naturally dark, I still LOVE them. Especially when well written.
Good job man
Thanks, Banana -- and all who have read the story. :)
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteIt's more complicated than that (you don't speak about the structure of the two objects, which matter greatly). But in fact, I'd agree that she might die if she hit a bird going too fast, I was just getting a little carried away with my annoyance as I am sometimes prone to do.
However this doesn't change my main opinion, that the death was stupid. Like, lulzworthingly dumb.
Actually, this makes things better really, because it makes it less sad than it could have been.
@NinesTempest
It's not just dying, though she does that distressingly often. She gets injured a lot as well. There are plenty of stories which the entire plot is centred on Rainbow Dash getting hurt in some way.
this was just the kind of thing i needed right now. a meaningfull tale, but yet light, in it's own way.
ReplyDeleteit deserves 5 stars.
@George Pollock, Jr.
ReplyDeleteIt deserves all the stars it gets, it's simply amazing.
I got to the spike chapter and stopped, not because of sadness but because of the fact that it seemed REALLY out of character. He's practically her brother and she HATCHED him. They just seemed so distanced and really seemed like they didnt care about each other all that much. Everything else i read was amazing and ill give you 4 stars for that sir. I really am impressed by your writing skills.
ReplyDelete@Thesyn This was written before Cutie Mark Chronicles, back in February.
ReplyDelete@B.
ReplyDeleteHmm well I read through the whole thing, and though it wasn't TERRIBLY sad it was greatly written and definetly worth the read! It for sure deserves the 6 star rating it has!
Absolutely fantastic story, well told and really moving. One complaint is that you killed Rainbow Dash off, but I guess that's just an opinion and it was moving nonetheless.P.S. RIGHT at the end I got the pale pony reference ( Death ) and his team ( 4 horseman/ponies of the apocalypse ).
ReplyDeleteAs always, thanks for reading!
ReplyDelete1. I know that Dash is MANY bronies' favorite; I like her a lot (Twi's still my gal :) ); and Dash gets killed off a lot in fanfics. But I agree with one reader's view that the tragedy here is she achieves her dream -- at the cost of her life. She goes out on top -- and will never know it.
2. Kudos on recognizing the four horses of the Apocalypse. :) Many people have asked "Why?" about including them. I originally was going to use just the usual four-pegasus team (extra security for the doesn't-know-it-yet king). But then I thought: It's an equine society. You want to guarantee that the essentially defenseless child king gets to his destination. NO. MATTER. WHAT. What equines would be capable to defeat ANYTHING IN CREATION to protect him?
Death, Conquest (yes; check Revelation), Famine and Death.
You might defeat the first three. You wil NEVER defeat the last. You WILL lose.
Spike was in good hands: Twilight and four eternal horrors. :)
Thanks again for reading!
WAR, Conquest, Famine and Death.
ReplyDeleteSorry. :)
*sniff* *sniff*
ReplyDeleteConsarnit.
I'm actually crying after I finished this. I haven't cried to a story ever before. This is.. beautiful.
Anyone have a 7-star tag?
Gotta get a tissue...
Surreal.
ReplyDeleteYes. That's the only word I have to properly describe this experience, drifting through the mist of Twilight's life and singling out these profound moments... lost in time.
That was buuuutiful. spent last a few hours reading through at once (I'm not a fast reader).
ReplyDeleteI was like You have No Reason for this!? Why Steed Why!? at 8 but Ponys come and Ponys go I suppose.
These pony fan-fics are makin me think deep... deeper than any films or poems... funny actually..
You know, I didn't like this at first, but now I love all the ponies about 20% more than I loved them before.
ReplyDelete"I just damned him. Because I wanted him damned.
ReplyDeleteAnyway …"
Can you get rid of the "anyway"? I think it completely ruins the flow. It's such a sad moment, and that break just seems to distracting. Distractions during highly emotional moments in fiction mean we bury those feelings, or they're lost, and then it's hard to get the full effect with everything thereafter.
I suppose I'm exaggerating a little because I'm drunk and tired but I just thought I should share this.
Interesting argument on "anyway." I imagined the story as if Twilight were conversing, more or less, with the reader. As she recalls how screamingly angry she got with The Steed (yes, it's supposed to be God ...), she knows how blasphemously outrageous what she just said can seem to the listener. So she sighs, just sort of shrugs with "Anyway ..." and continues with the story. That's what I was going for. And thanks for reading! :)
ReplyDeleteThose were some really beautifully written tales. While Spike's didn't match up with the established canon, I still thought the idea and its execution was cool and well handled overall.
ReplyDeleteAlso interesting to see a fic gives the unicorns and the pegasus ponies long lives instead of just typical lifecycle of normal earth ponies.
I also *really* liked the direction of Fluttershy's character in this. It just fits her so well. Keeping Zecora's fate a mystery was also really interesting, although it's pretty clear she is using Fluttershy as a vessel
to occasionally come back in.
Rainbow Dash....Damn, that was really tragic, I almost cried. It's terrible but that's just the way existence is, complex, wonderful, and at times unbearably and needlessly cruel. All we can do is accept it and keep struggling ever forward for as long as we each can.
My main criticisms of these tales would be the handling of Celestia's character and the inclusion of her "father". While an interesting idea, I felt it just didn't mesh well with the established lore. Celestia and Luna just don't seem like the type of beings who would have typical parents as portrayed here. I also prefer to see them portrayed as the highest known powers of their local reality, not omnipotent by any means, but sufficiently "godlike" that no one else in the known region of space they exist in would be more powerful than them. The way she is portrayed here makes it seem more like she is "just" another royal figure and not really the Lord of their planet that she actually should be given her power over the sun.
The inclusion of "The Steed" as the pony's creator god or whatever, again didn't really sit well with me, I certainly like the choice of name, and it makes sense that some of them would want something they would feel the need to pray to or damn in Twilight's case. However, as I mentioned, it just sits better with me having Celestia and Luna occupy the deity aspect of things if their even needs to be one at all. However, that could just be my atheist bias pushing me that way hehe.
Thoughtful comments on Celestia, her "father" and her role in Equestria. Well worth considering.
ReplyDeleteOf course, here, she can also ask a favor of the Four Horses of the Apocalypse. So she must have SOME influence beyond mere royalty ... :)
As always, thanks for reading!
While I was reading chapter 8 my sister waswatching a movie in the room next to me
ReplyDeleteSomebody got shot just as I read the *gulp* part and it started playing sad music really loud
When I finished the chapter I realized I was crying
Literaly crying
You know, this is the first fanfic I have read where one line brought a tear to my eye. The line of 'a king will kiss you as tears strike your face' and for a couple of chapters, I thought that little prophecy had already come true. But then that Spike chapter happened and then I read that line and I had to stop because I felt myself choking up. This was an excellent, EXCELLENT story! I give it 6 out of 5 stars!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed it and that it moved you. I admit that I wanted to throw off the reader with the first two possible "king's tears." :)
ReplyDeleteYes, the tears of Rex ("King") and the old king fall on Twilight. But only ONE king's tears fall on her face ... :)
Thanks for reading!
That was extremely well written. I've seen some really amazing fics here, and this easily is up at the top.
ReplyDeleteMost of the chapters were really good, but Chapter 8...yeah. I got 3 lines into it and started choking up right away, knowing that I wasn't going to like how it ended. A perfect example of tragedy, eliciting all the emotions it's supposed to.
I wish I could give it 10 stars; I guess I'll have to settle for 5.
That was..touching..
ReplyDeleteI cried..I broke down..I couldn't finish the very last line in the last chapter because I was crying. I haven't cried in a long time. Makes you realize how short of a time you have on this planet..and how you're going to miss the good ol' times. Very, very, very touching story.
Thanks again. I've been surprised how many people have been deeply moved by this story. I was always very afraid that it would be viewed as over the top. And people have been surprised by that they were so moved by, of all things, a story about cartoon ponies.
ReplyDeleteI'm 52 (yes). I know what it's like to cry over something that isn't related to your life, family or friends. So I'm gratified that I can create something that touches people like that.
Thanks for reading.
@George Pollock, Jr.
ReplyDeleteOh dear god... you bastard. Chapter 8 was just so freakin... Yeah, I cried.
This was great. It really earned the sad tag. These kinds of stories really aren't good for me to read. I'm too young, in that getting misty eyed about life before your even of age isn't something I think I should be doing.
But... this was really, really emotional, beautiful. You did wonderful things with a kids cartoon. ANy story that can make its reader shed a tear speaks to the merit of the writer. I want so badly to gush about these beautiful vignettes, that make me both excited and a little woeful that I have a long life ahead.
Bravo.
... but again. chapter 8. why do people do such horrible things to Dash? god above, I'm just gunna go watch the show now and try to pump some happy back into me... Dash..
Thanks for reading. Although I'm a little ambivalent about leaving a young reader so affected that he or she is a little woeful about having to live the rest of his or her life. Certainly not something I foresaw. :)
ReplyDeleteI recommend "Sonic Rainboom" and "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" to restore your Dash happiness. And "A Bird in the Hoof" is simply the silliest episode. Good medicine. Thanks again!
great. now my mind will forever think that your version of pony life-spans is canon (makes a lot of sense actually) and never again will I be able to watch an episode with Applejack or Pinkie that won't make me sad for a moment.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes really, really, hate these "What happens after" fics simply on the grounds that they are never happy (save for 'Longer Than Diamonds'. go read that) and sometimes ruin the feel of the shows innocent and naive, if not endearing nature.
While this is an awesome read, very emotional, very beautiful, I have 2 critics (not regarding the plot breaking from show canon, as I imagine it was written before the backstory episodes) to give:
1. Celestia felt very out of character. Kind of unfriendly to twilight.
2. I really didn't like the inclusion of The Steed as a god character. Twilight's relation with him felt out of pace and very... artificial.
Otherwise, the 4 ponies of... must avoid spoilers. loved that. loved your creation of mythos and Pyra, and in general, you made something very cool, if not really, really freaking depressing.
Now to go watch pinkie keen to cheer up.
Wow, I was supposed to be studying but read through it.. Chpt8.. gosh darn
ReplyDeleteFollowing some good advice from a reader, I eventully marked this as "alternative universe."
ReplyDeleteThis the concpet of The Steed. It's been criticized before. Guess it was just my nebulous religious inclinations there. :)
And as I explained above, I saw Equestria -- in this story -- as a slightly more realistic society. Thus Celestia became a slightly more realistic autocrat. Not a tyrant or dictator, just somepony who expects to always get her way. And she expects that even of Twilight. Note that when she says, "Don't disappoint me, ..." about Twilight working on the old king's records, she ends with "... librarian." She's reminding Twilight that the younger pony is a subject of hers, not just a student and friend. Again, it's how I envisioned THIS Celestia in THIS universe.
That having been said, note that Celestia comforts Twi after Spike has to return to his homeland. She's not a troll, despite some people's opinion of her. :)
Thanks again.
I've been reading these for a little while now, and I have to say it's by far my favourite story from this fandom, and I've read many.
ReplyDeleteI've made it to chapter 8 so far. I haven't cried in almost three years now, but what was written there felt so.... real to me. I know it's just a fiction story about ponies, but it really can hit hard when it's written so well.
I wish I could say more, but I don't want to spoil anything. Just, I lost someone really close to me a little while ago; someone with such a colorful personality. I miss him, more than I can say. I wear a black ring on my left hand to help me remember him, and to be a happy, and good person, the way he was.
I read this, and I couldn't stop thinking about him, and what happened.
Aiden, I miss you very much.
-Shake
I'm sorry you lost someone so special to you. I'm also sorry that I accidentally made you feel the loss. But I'm also glad I helped you remember that the person was so special to you.
ReplyDeleteI really do appreciate every ounce of effort you put into writing this, because it shows.
ReplyDeleteI haven't finished reading yet, but I am looking forward to it.
So concise, yet so moving...I always like these sort of "what if in the future...?" fics, but this one takes the cake. Each chapter is another touching work of art, beautiful in it's simplicity and honest tone. Wonderful, wonderful work.
ReplyDeleteDang. I can't even believe just how good this is. How much it makes me feel. Like when spike looks back, with those "Changed" eyes, I felt that. Just put on some Gymnopedie No.1, loop it, and sit back to this, and you'll feel spell bound I promise.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading! I checked out the instrumental you mentioned ands enjoyed it. ALSO like "Into the West" by Annie Lennox, which was mentioned by another reader. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteOh fuck chapter 8.
ReplyDeletejust... aw man. I've read it before, I knew what would happen but dammit, now my day will be tainted with pony sadness. Christ forbid the rain outside clears up and theres a rainbow because I WILL NOT be able to last long.
I beg you author, use you powers of writing for good! veer away from the sadness fics, bring happiness instead of ABJECT DESPAIR.
I live in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia. We had a strong rain here Sept. 5 that cleared up quickly. There was a beautiful rainbow. At which, I actually thought, "There goes Rainbow Dash!"
ReplyDeleteToo much of a brony at this point?
Season 2 starts Sept. 17, I think. We need new happy stories, yes. :)
Most likely the fanfiction that will have the most emotional impact on me. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm flattered that you liked it.
ReplyDeleteIn memories.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I don't see what the big deal here is. I was kinda sad at the part when it talked about Rainbow, but I got absolutely noting else out of it. Also, what's with the false back story for Spike? We all know he was born in Canterlot when Twilight magically hatched his egg during her entrance exam. Fanfics are supposed to be stories that happen outside the plot of the real show; maybe referencing events from real episodes or even including scenes from them to be expanded upon in ways that hadn't been shown onscreen; they're not supposed to actually rewrite the history of the show that has already been confirmed in the show. You could say pretty much anything else about Spike's life before the start of the series, but since the show has shown how and where he was really born it's a bit too late to be making an actual origin story for him (unless it's about where his egg came from or something like that).
ReplyDeleteI wrote the story in February 2011, before "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" aired. It was my speculation about things in the show up until then. Episodes after I wrote the story did, indeed, make a lot of stuff therein moot. But I enjoyed writing it when I did. I also took good reader advice and later marked it "alternate universe" on fanfiction.net. Thanks for the assessment and for reading.
ReplyDeleteThumbs-up Mr Author for giving Rainbow Dash such an awesome demise.
ReplyDeleteNewton's Third Law is a powerful tool. Respect it.
@Aquaman52
ReplyDeleteI'm not reading this. It's obviously amazing and I probably will one day, but I just read A Summer's Twilight and I'm too close to crying already. Another time friend.
It's cool. My story will still be here. :)
ReplyDeleteI would like to know... I read through the comments, but what is this about "interesting times"? It's said in such a way that I believed it meant something more, like there was an undercurrent of mystery that Twilight was somehow left out of. Was there something I missed?
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading. Sorry if I got too obscure about "interesting times."
ReplyDeleteThere's a Chinese saying: "May you live in interesting times." It's a left-handed good-luck wish, in a way. "Interesting times" are those that present great and memorable -- but stressful -- challenges. The extreme examples are war, famine, etc. Closer to home, it means, for example with Twi, having to dealing with the passing of friends and loved ones, as well as having to raise a family by yourself. Maybe you're a surprised witness to great events, like learning that a good young friend is really a crown prince and has become king on his father's death. Maybe it's that out of nowhere, a dying king wants you to collects his life's records. Maybe it's watching your friends' lives unfold in wonderful -- or heartbreaking and tragic -- ways.
The point is that as you endure and persevere through interesting times, you grow strong and have an eventful life to reflect back on. Again, it's usually a left-handed good-luck wish. But of course, Zecora would never wish evil on Twi. She was telling Twi -- in the zebra's mystical way -- that a rocky, challenging, sometimes-heartbreaking, adventurous and epic life was ahead of her.
@ George
ReplyDeleteAhhhhh. I knew there was something more to it. Cool :). Chinese proverbs, the book of Revelations, political intrigue, this was truly an awesome set of anecdotes.
The grand world of Tales mixed with ponies.... I can't wait until more comes out!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, and I'm flattered that you liked it. However, I envisioned this 16-part story as, paradoxically, a one-shot. Any other "FiM" stories that I might EVER write wouldn't have any connection to "Tales." Sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteStill flattered, though ... :)
... I really, really should know better than to read really good, really moving stories late at night.
ReplyDeleteAll chance at sleep has now gone out the window. George, I salute you.
Thank you. I'm flattered.
ReplyDeleteHi, I've been asked to do a cover art for a friends' FiM fiction and I was wondering if I could use the above picture of twilight as a part of it. My email is [email protected].
ReplyDeleteI'm not the artist who did the image of Twilight, though I love it. But I THINK you can reach the artist this way:
ReplyDeleteGo to deviantart.com. On the home page, search for "Twilight Sparkle wallpaper." Among them, you might find this one. The artist (I THINK it's a woman) did the entire Mane 6 in this style. And then she (?) did the Mane 6 again, in the same style ... but as humans. :)
Good luck! :)