[Normal][Shipping] "I was told to post this 'like a motherf^cker'. I don't see how's that relevant to the plot, but here's another Luna story to make up for it." If you'd be so kind.
Author: Slaanme
Description: After a thousand years in the moon, and even longer of not being yourself, how do you remember what you were truly like? Princess Luna isn't sure who she is anymore, and tries to rediscover herself through how others see her.Tabluna Rasa Prologue
Tabluna Rasa Chapter 1: Dreams of Adventure: Rainbow Dash
Tabluna Rasa Chapter 2: Dreams of Love: Fluttershy
Tabluna Rasa Chapter 3: Dreams of Repentance: Applejack
Tabluna Rasa Chapter 4: Dreams of Fabulosity: Rarity
Tabluna Rasa Chapter 5: Dreams of Parties!: Pinkie Pie
Tabluna Rasa Chapter 6: Dreams of Bonds: Twilight Sparkle (New!)
Additional Tags: Character Exploration, Blank Slate, Luna, Dreams
114 kommentaari:
I get the Tabula Rosa reference.
VastaKustutaIt fits, and I approve.
I just read all 3 documents and I like them. Chapter 1 and 2 both have that, "Its a dream" feel. Fluttershy waking up in chapter 2 and saying what she said was a bit of a surprise.
VastaKustutaTabluna Rasa ... the title alone deserves 5 stars.
VastaKustutaHaha I loved it so far. I wonder what Pinkie's dream will be about...
VastaKustutaAs for Rainbow's dream: John Madden! And Fluttershy... Oh my.
Prologue: Oooh, dreamscape stories~~
VastaKustuta2: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BAAASE! :D
3: .... oh my..... excuse me, I need to.... uh.... walk over pavestones. Yes, that clopping nosie is being made by my hooves..... on pavestones! Yes, pavestones!
*Grin* That second chapter was amusing. Feel kinda sorry for Fluttershy though.
VastaKustutaI only realized after finishing the first three installments that the title was "Tabluna Rasa". I just read it as "Tabula Rasa" and didn't think twice! lol...
VastaKustutaBut the Luna quote at the end of the Fluttershy dream was epic. "Wait, three times this week? But it's only Monday!" The moon base one was good, too. I hope that all the chapters end with something cute and funny like that. XD
This is clearly on it's way to six stars!
Hidden reference, bioshock fans? "would you kindly kill andrew ryan?" ya its kinda lame, whoo hoo
VastaKustutaFluttershy is not a filly-fooler. Except with Pinkie Pie. Anyway, yes, humor. Good job.
VastaKustuta'DAT FLUTTERSHY !
VastaKustutaIt's okay, Luna. I want a moon base too.
VastaKustuta"Rainbow Dash!" *Lifts hoof to the corner of her mouth* "Welcome to my moon base.."
VastaKustutaI wonder if Pinkie will turn out to be a lucid dreamer? It would make so much sense, you know...
VastaKustutaDash's dream is fitting, I think - she's eager for glory and adventure, and *hates* betrayal, so Luna would make a grand villainess for her to be a hero against.
Fluttershy's dream I was a little surprised by, but thinking about it, I can see this happening.
I'm quite loving this and really looking forward to more. Especially Twilight Sparkle's. :)
VastaKustutaAlso, the reference to Final Fantasy: Advent Children was quite epic.
VastaKustuta@Andrew
VastaKustutaI'm glad I wasn't the only one who got it!
*brohoof*
lunas new moon base!
VastaKustutaAuthor here. Just want to say thanks for the positive response thus far, I'm glad people are enjoying it. As it said in the prologue, I do appreciate constructive criticism, so do tell me if there's something that's not really working.
VastaKustutaAdditionally, yes, it has a shipping tag, but that was pretty much just for Chapter 2. I don't have any plans for any other shippy chapters.
So here's hoping you enjoy the other chapters as much as I enjoy writing them!
haa chapter 2 was jus silly keep it comin Slaanme
VastaKustutaWhen will the next one be out? :(
VastaKustutaFor those who dont get the title reference.
VastaKustutaTabula rasa: the epistemological theory that individuals are born without built-in mental content and that their knowledge comes from experience and perception.
WIKI MAKES ANYONE SOUND SMARTSY.
@Anonymous: It'll be done when it's done. And that depends on any number of real world factors. Stupid real world, always getting in the way of my Pony...
VastaKustutaThe sidebar says Tabula Rasa. O U
VastaKustutaI'm giving this 5 stars for the Fluttershy Dream alone.
VastaKustuta.
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*clopclopclop*
appendix to post above:
VastaKustutaI WOULD give it 5-stars if the star rating thing would actually appear >:[
Hmm, I think Luna should have recognized Fluttershy from Dash's dream. Just a nitpick but little things like that establish continuity between chapters (at least to me.)
VastaKustutaAlso, not that I'm into clopping, but Fluttershy (and the rest of the mane cast) are at age of majority, aren't they?
Pfffffft–
VastaKustutaOh lord, the moon base and "it's only Monday" had me cracking up. Shouldn't this be tagged as comedy as well?
I loved the Final Fantasy reference and how Luna wants a moon base. The only bad thing about this story is what Blackseven pointed out. I think Rainbow Dash did say Fluttershy's name during her dream, so Luna should have known her name. Still though, absolutely great story. Can't wait to see how the rest of the dreams turn out.
VastaKustutaBut I thought you waaaaanted criticism! :)
VastaKustutaI have some fairly nitpicky editor-type notes. Would you like me to post them here, or email them to you, or annotate your Gogle Docs?
Oh, I get it. Even know I now know the premise, outcome, and means, I still want to read more, comma.
VastaKustutaHaha, interesting concept tbh.
VastaKustutaI enjoyed the first chapter, mede me think about Moonbase Alpha.
The 2nd chapter was funny! It was hilarious!
Keep up the good work!
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@blackseven: Oops, did not notice that. Umm, give me a sec, I'm sure I can come up with some sort of weak excuse explaining that...
VastaKustuta@LordOfTheWrongs: Feel free to email me. It's simply my screen name (siaanme) at hotmail.
The Moonbase and "It's only Monday!" jokes had me on the floor. Very nice set up, can't wait to see what lurks in the rest of the Mane6's heads.
VastaKustutaPoor The Other One, they really need to get around to naming the other 4 Wonderbolts(or 16 if you count that one scene from the VIP area).
Why is it that now I want to read an actual shipfic between fluttershy and Luna? Author, what have you done to my brain, because I kinda like it.
VastaKustuta"Now I want a moon base" and "But it's only Monday!" were truly epic. I've not laughed so hard reading a fic in ages.
VastaKustutaI don't know why, but I find the living in a hopeless internal fantasy Fluttershy to be a very believable Fluttershy. I half imagine her to be the type who would endlessly fantasize about the one she desires, but always being too shy to ever act upon it. It actually makes some sense in a sad, but cute way.
Apples... honestly, if I was AJ, come morning, I'd be a little creeped out.
VastaKustutaThe Applejack dream had a D'AWWWWWW ending.
VastaKustuta"Applelanch" was pure genius.
VastaKustutaHmm.
VastaKustutaI loved the Applejack chapter. However, it doesn't feel like a dream. At all. Its more a normal story. The Pinkie Pie and Twilight bit certainly doesn't help. "Meanwhile, across town" in a dream?
Still, like I said, I don't really want you to change it. It is a very enjoyable chapter to read as it is :P
APPLELANCHE!
VastaKustuta@Baree: I knew that would end up breaking the whole dream feel, but I liked the idea of Luna kicking an apple tree in the Library too much to ignore.
VastaKustutaAJ's a down-to-earth pony, so it makes sense her dream is fairly normal. Except the kicking the tree into the library thing. That's definitely dream physics.
VastaKustutaLove the story so far. Can't wait for the rest.
Pinkie Pie has got to be a lucid dreamer. Or maybe Twilight will be.
VastaKustutaFluttershy is just dreaming up material for her writing career.
Great stories so far. Rainbow Dash was slightly amusing; the others leap up in scale like the Filly Fantasy joke.
VastaKustutaFluttershy's dream was cute. Applejack's dream got me snickering to myself repeatedly, especially with the 'Twitchy tail!' scene shift. I was actually rather surprised, as I anticipated it would be more of a sadfic from the title. Not that I'm complaining about it being a gladfic, though.
The only thing I predict is that Twilight will have an idea of who Luna was pre-Nightmare Moon; regardless of how fragmentary said idea is.
And is it 'Nightmare Moon' or "Night-Mare Moon"?
Hope no one reads comments before the chapters because that first one with "Now I want a Noon Base" while picturing a frowny faced Luna saying that had me laughing for a good while.
VastaKustutaAnd why do I keep reading these Stories with a sort of Fluttershy voice only with a hint of an English accent??
Speaking of which chapter two caught me by surprise, in a few ways!
1) I was expecting a heat to heart moe scene with the two girls talking about their fears and likes.
2) The fact that some how that seemed to fit Fluttershy far as fantasying about her desires, like how bad she wanted Luna lol!
and 3) "THREE TIME!?! BUT IT'S ONLY MONDAY!"
Idk Fluttershy and Luna seem to go great together but it seems in most stories she's got the whole Nightmare vibe speech going or a really cute more intellectual out spoken Fluttershy speech vibe.
Sorry if that sounded weird or made no sense and for the length but I felt it worth mentioning anyways.
Chapter 3 btw is AWESOME. "Oh but I replanted them and only 'half' of them upside down!" "Applelanche!" and the off shoot scene with Pinkie and Twi is just priceless, and IMHO because I've had plenty of dreams drift off in some such ways, I can totally see it fitting in with the dream and how she knew without seeing it land that it hit town.
I am really wondering how your going to do Rarity's and Twilight's. Pinkie well I'm bracing myself for a few laughs but imo she seems to be pretty good as taking peoples feelings into consideration when she does things.
I doubt she'd see Luna as an evil tyrant, a lover, or cupcakes, or a big meanie mcmean pants.
Idk and this has gotten pretty long so can't wait and hope to see this story through to it's end great job! <3
chapter 1 4of5 Stars the bits of comedy at the end earned it an extra star but was a bit too slow for my taste but kudos to that FF:AC ref. Still the Austin Powers one was epic.
Chapter 2 5of5 stars I almost blushed yet was too busy laughing in the bed scene as that quickly got too much thank goodness Fluttershy woke up before 'it' happened. Also LOL at going to TWILIGHT for COUNCILING on what her dream meant!
Chapter 3 5of5 It was too Applejack, and that was both a good and bad thing but gave it 5 anyways because of how she saw Luna being an over powered klutz! and the Twi Pinkie scene was a nice flavor to the whole thing.
"Now I want a Moon Base" I meant dang typo's =_=
VastaKustutaGreat story so far, I love it! Moonbase, only Monday and the Applelanche left me laughing on the floor for minutes! I even dare to compare this story with Progress...
VastaKustutabtw. Why do I have the feeling that Pinkie's dream will end with her leaving Luna to warn Twilight about a falling apple tree?
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaBecause she cares not for the 4th wall.
Sorry I didn't read this sooner! It's well written, funny, and heartwarming all at the same time! Wonderful work!
VastaKustutaApplelanche? Dear Celestia!
VastaKustutaWhat the...when I click a link it sends me to the Google Docs homepage.
VastaKustutaDamn...just damn
VastaKustutaShindig reference!
VastaKustutaLooking good thus far (nice Firefly reference in Chapter 4).
VastaKustutaMOOOOOOOOON BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE
VastaKustutaThese stories literally get better with each chapter. The only criticism I can really offer is that I felt that the prologue was a little to exposition-y, a bit too far on the telling the audience the big picture side of things, as opposed to the showing the audience the effects and letting them piece things together for themselves. Still, this isn't really a criticism so much as an opinion, and it definitely felt like you did that on purpose; it certainly helps get the story moving faster, at any rate.
VastaKustutaRainbow's chapter was... well, fitting. I dislike seeing Luna in a negative role, so I'll end it there.
Fluttershy's chapter was possibly the cutest little cloptease I've read, and though I'm sad that it was so one-dimensional, and that Flutter's affections wouldn't be returned, I enjoyed it.
Applejack's story was great. I loved the dynamic between the two, and even though the story's been done before, you pulled it off well.
Rarity's chapter was easily the best of the bunch so far. Even though I wasn't a fan of stuck up Luna at the beginning, I ended up loving everything about the story. You did an amazing job with Luna's "rough exterior" characterization here, and though I thought Rarity was a little too willing to leave all her friends behind for the chance at Canterlot, that's really the only criticism I have of the chapter.
Overall, I absolutely love what you're doing here. You say that this is your first fanfic, but it definitely feels like you've done a good amount of writing before. I love how in every new chapter the characters get more and more complex, moving from Rainbow's action movie to Fluttershy's... fantasy... through AJ's aesop and now with Rarity you're actually writing full, fleshed out characters whom I want to see more of (I especially enjoyed the little complications from Rarity's fluttering heart!). At this rate, by the time you crank out Twilight's chapter, you'll just have a magic portal suck us into the computer and drop us off inside a fully realized version of your Equestira.
I've really done any non-academic writing, but I can't imagine that it's easy ramping up the complexity like you're doing, much less completely re-writing Luna as a different, more complex character each chapter. Slaanme, you're doing a great job, and I can't wait to read more from you. Keep it up!
^ I [haven't] done any non-academic writing. Stupid Anon-eyes can't proof-read.
VastaKustutaMan, if Luna had guessed Candle Jack in the Applejack story I would ha-
VastaKustutaThe shipping in the Fluttershy part was hilarious. But it felt kind of tacked on in the Rarity segement
VastaKustutaI was liking the Fluttershy one, too bad she denied that one hardcore... Shame :)
VastaKustutalol would love to see that.
Great stories too, Really passing the time :D
These are very well written, and did anyone else get the radiata stories reference in fluttershy's story?
VastaKustutaI can't wait for the next update. :3
VastaKustutaI wanna see Pinkie's insane visions of Luna. :D
That was a really good interpretation of Pinkie's forth wall breaking powers. Pinkie didn't break it to make a silly joke, it was a lot more elegant than that. Really liked that ending of the dream.
VastaKustutaThe prank was pretty foreseeable with the acquisition of fake blood beforehand though.
Haha, that was great. I'd been thinking way too much about writing a similar prank, but that's the only way it could possibly end.
VastaKustutaPart 6 NOAWZ
VastaKustuta>Assume everyone's invited!
VastaKustuta>Assume everyone
>everyone
Aw lawds no!
But otherwise, awesome. I laughed a whole bunch at the flash mob. Chapter 6 plzzz.
@CoffeeGrunt
VastaKustuta>_<
You slip up ONE time....
Fix'd.
Why am I not surprised that Pinkie Pie is a lucid dreamer?
VastaKustuta@Slaanme
VastaKustutaI always thought "everypony" was a replacement for the word "everyBODY" and not "everyone." Since the words are nearly completely interchangeable, I know that "everypony" is used more often in replacement for both of them, but "everyone" could still be used if you really want to. Don't worry about using "everyone." Just don't EVER use "everybody." xD
Good Chapter! I took this story off my list because it had been so long since an update, but it looks like it'll go back on for a while. :D
@poopnate
VastaKustutaI'll try and get the next one out sooner this time, although it's likely to be the last one.
Drat. She didn't meet Pinkamena :D :D :D
VastaKustutaHuh. Pinkie's dream was surprisingly... sane. I'm going to assume she made an effort to keep everything relatively normal for Luna's benefit, seeing as how she's apparently a lucid dreamer - Pinkie Pie's dreams would NOT be a pleasant place to be once her subconscious really lets loose.
VastaKustutaOoh, I get it now. These are all the different personalities that the fandom has assigned to Luna. That's kinda clever.
VastaKustutaWow... The new chapter has been up for 30 minutes now and no new comments? Surprising...
VastaKustutaI found the endin to be quite nice, but I need more Luna now! Why does she have to be my favorite character if there's absolutely NO cannon for her yet and I've run out of Luna stories to read?! D:
@nemryn
VastaKustutaWhy did you have to make the first part of my comment false? This always happens to me. D':
A good final chapter to a good fanfic. I rather liked it a lot.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaCactus juice tea? :3 is that an Avatar: The Last Airbender reference? :3
VastaKustutaThat was a great story, and I hope you'll be able to find the time and inspiration to do more.
This pretty much sums up all of our collective speculation on what Luna's character will be like until Season 2 finally reveals who exactly Luna is.
VastaKustutaIt will be kinda sad, in a way, when our wild mass guessing on Luna's personality will be over.
But who is holding the chalk? Cause it sure ain't you or me!
VastaKustutaGreat story! Just now noticed that the personalities are fandom inspired! Awesome!
Aww...that was nice. Was hoping for an epilogue of sorts, but it's nice here too.
VastaKustutaGreat story! The ending felt a bit short but the message was clear enough.
VastaKustutanow a request... Could this be put on http://www.fimfiction.net/ too? I'd love to see more complete stuff there (so I can favorite it and vote!)
You need to write a love story with Luna and Twilight, or at least some adventures with those two. Hehe. Maybe she just doesn't realize that she's a "Filly-Fooler" yet and just needs the right person. :P
VastaKustutaIt needs a epilogue about Pinkie´s party~
VastaKustuta@Anonymous Eeeyup
VastaKustutaAfter reading this, I now need to find a Luna x everypony harem fic.
VastaKustutaThis was a really fun read, and while reading Rainbow Dash's chapter all I could think of was Moonbase Alpha.
Luna: I want a moonbase
Me: JOHN MADDEN!
Wait, wait, wait, wait...was that explanation of what happens when two magic bodies collide the same as the explanation for what happens when you cross the streams in Ghostbusters? I had to stop reading to quickly comment on that.
VastaKustutaI think this story deserves a round of applause. It's pretty strong all around. The character dialogue is good. I could easily read the conversations in the voices the mane six. Also, I believe that Slaanme deserves recognition for successfully employing humor without beating us over the head with it. The flying apple tree hit the library after the twitch was somewhat funny, but having it pop up later in Pinkie's dream was hilarious.
VastaKustutaThe plot progression was predictable, but that's pretty much a good thing for a story in this format. I really liked the different portrayals of Luna by the ponies. Rainbow Dash's was my least favorite, but that's just because I thought it was predictable (plus, i'm a Luna fanboy at heart). There was a moonbase in that chapter though, so I cannot speak ill of it. From there though, it got much better. Fluttershy's portrayal was just delightfully awkward, AJ's was like the general fan perception, Rarity's was like what I imagine all the pony's in the ponyverse believe, Pinkie's was filled with that special brand of awesome that only Pinkie can give, and Twilight's was just illustrative. The talk in the final chapter between Twilight and Luna seemed just a bit short, but I feel it was more than sufficient to get the final point across.
Overall, I say that this story is probably deserving of a 5-star rating. It's not quite at that legendary 6-star status, but what it did, it did really well. Good humor, good character voice, good plot. It was an enjoyable read. I'd eagerly commit to spending just as much time reading a story that was half as good as this one.
Good job Slaanme. You are awarded the golf clap in recognition of your successful writing in this fic. Keep up the good work
I demand an epilog of luna making her visit to ponyville
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaRazcora, there will be one
Awesome ending there! I love how you brought it around full circle. And, I agree! There are lots of ways to make Luna a great character! I can't wait to see which one they come up with for the show. :)
VastaKustutaAwwwwwwww, i was hoping for some Twiluna in the end, oh well, epic fic, loved it, now make a sequel with luna visiting ponyville and for goodness sakes, TWILUNA! 1415/5, i wish.
VastaKustuta@Everyone requesting a Epilogue: I'm unlikely to do one until we get Canon!Luna. Sorry, but that's how I can justify it to myself. I went into this with very little thought of how to characterise Luna outside of the dreams since that wasn't the important part. So I have NO idea how she'd react. But you never know, I might change my mind. Unlikely, but hay, there's hope.
VastaKustuta@Everyone requesting TwiLuna: I make no promises. Writing shipping isn't my preference, even if it seems everyone did enjoy my foray into it with LunaShy. Although I do have a potential story that could develop into TwiLuna of a sort.... *tease tease tease*
@C. Theron Vulpin: Yes. The better question is, why would Twilight have such a beverage?
@11:06 Anon: Okay, I can do that I guess. Links here when they're up.
@TwinkiePie: Yes, that was a description of Total Protonic Reversal. I'm surprised no-one commented on that sooner.
Also thank you for your thought-out review. I enjoy seeing what others think of my work.
Dammit, I keep overlooking updates will all the ponyfics I jump between.
VastaKustutaDon't suppose you could work on getting this onto fimfiction.net's site, could ya? I really wish more good stories would pop up there. Those green little check marks makes mass pony consumption easier to manage. =P
It seems like everyone just gives 5 stars if they like a story at all, but I try to keep it truthful. This isn't on the level of "Dangerous Business" or "Simply Rarity", but it is still a great read. I would encourage the author to write more.
VastaKustutaThe one piece of advice I have concerns shipping. This story takes it's setting and characters straight from the show, which isn't a bad thing. It's fan fiction, so we all know what's going on. When the bits of shipping come in (mostly the pinkie pie and dash) it pulls the story into a new setting that hasn't been properly explained. It seems like a small nag, but it really broke the mood of the story for me.
TL;DR: Less shipping and the story would have been a 5 star or better for me.
"Luna's magic had grown since then, and scientists had estimated that if she were to go head to head with any other unicorn with her level of magic, or even just very close, the worst that could happen would be all life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in existence exploding at the speed of light."
VastaKustutaGot it. Don't cross the horns.
And thusly we reach the end. I don't feel like I have much to say, other then that I enjoyed it.
VastaKustutaJust needs an epilogue.
VastaKustutaWith fabulous lesbian Moon Base party.
This was a very good story, I enjoied every bit of it. It had laughs, it had sadness, had love, and most of all, it had a great message. 5 out of 5 for you good sir! and please continue to make more.
VastaKustutaWow... this was very in-character, for everyone (except maybe the Fluttershy and Rarity lesbian pairings). The thing with Pinkie Pie realizing it was a dream was surprisingly unsurprising (we all know Pinkie Pie has powers beyond understanding). Also, the message at the end was very appropriate - we don't know what Luna's going to be like any more than the Luna in this story does.
VastaKustutaAnd FiMfiction version is now live for all those who requested it.
VastaKustutahttp://www.fimfiction.net/story/397/Tabluna-Rasa
I suppose I should probably email that link to Seth and get it up with the other links.
Firstly, am I really reading this fic this long after it got completed? Man, I should really be more punctual with these things.
VastaKustutaSecondly, this was a great story. I detect a little bit of poking fun at the fanon for making a big deal out of a character we've never even really met, but it's still well-done within that. We all need reminders like this from time to time to make sure we don't start taking things too seriously.
Nice touch on the total protonic reversal, although she was already in another unicorn's dreams (Rarity). Might just be how she thinks Twilight might be almost her equal in raw power, though, while Rarity's more a normal unicorn.
VastaKustutaAnd in Pinkie Pie's chapter? 'The payoff!' was worth it.
HEY! does anypony know faust's email?
VastaKustutaif so send her a link to this!
it would make a great set of back to back episodes...um, buuuut she may need to change fluttershy's dream a little bit.
Darn, now I want a moon base.
VastaKustutaI'm willing to bet no-one is reading these comments anymore, but I need to gauge interest: now that we have a canon Luna, do I make a epilogue?
VastaKustutaAlso, does anyone else think the Luna I wrote in Rarity's chapter was the closest I got to canon?
@SIaanme
VastaKustutaI read to many fics to remember them all. For that reason, every now and then I just open a few at random and see if it is one I read. Sometimes I open a series that I haven't seen in ages and kind of forgotten about.
To answer your question: I enjoyed this fic and I would like to see a prologue.
Err, epilogue obviously. *Facehoof*
VastaKustutaI have to say, I think a little more thought could have gone into this. I got the sense that you were thinking about what happens in dreams, but not what happens in particular pony's dreams as much. Dash, for example, I guarantee could list the names of the Wonderbolts in order of any stat you care to name in her sleep, and I doubt AJ would think to have Luna comment on the gravity difference between Equestria and the moon. And Rarity's chapter at times was far too much like how I think of Rarity, and I know she's a better pony than I give her credit for.
VastaKustuta+1 Star for its title. I like smarty bronies ^^
VastaKustutaI'm not done reading yet, and this comment may go unanswered by the author, but I have a question.
VastaKustutaWas Rarity's dream deliberately meant to parallel Spike's crush on Rarity? It really came across that she was subconsciously putting herself through the same emotions that someone like Spike might go through: someone with a crush on someone they can never be with.
@Kyso No, it wasn't deliberate. I'm willing to pretend it was if you are though.
VastaKustutaYou captured the personalities well, defined and independent. Some people make the mistake of following too much of a structure, you did not. There was no sense of repetition, it was entertaining and enjoyable.
VastaKustutaThe only thing I would have liked is for it to be longer :D