Author: milesprower06
Description: Twilight and friends are shocked to hear that Rainbow Dash doesn't make the cut for the Wonderbolts, and are determined to help her see past the disappointment, and move on.Spirit of Loyalty
Additional Tags: Short, Sonic Rainboom, Friendship
15 comments:
I saw that pic on DA i instantly faved it XD
ReplyDelete-D4SHTH3R4INB0W
rainbow dash needs a hug
ReplyDeleteI was... bored. Really really bored, reading this. Remarkably bored. It's just dialog dialog dialog dialog dialog dialog oh wait inflection dialog dialog. How about a little exposition? Slowing down the action? Get some real emotional expression going on. Because I'm not getting anything from RD except that she just didn't want to talk.
ReplyDeleteI just... augh. Didn't like it.
Didn't really get much from this. For reasons NinesTempest pointed out above, but also because I was having a hard time connecting with any of the characters.
ReplyDeleteI mean, the "you only get one chance ever to join the Wonderbolts" ultimatum seemed a bit contrived; and the way Twilight snapped Dash out of her funk rubbed me the wrong way, as it came off as "forget about your dreams, you have friends."
It also seems greatly at odds with the above ultimatum that Dash's life dream being shattered permanently would be forgotten because Twilight gave a six sentence Friendship Speech.
This story was weak. Flimsy, even. Given how easily Dash got over herself once she heard a brief speech about how friends are more important than realizing one's lifelong dream, I wonder if she even really cared that much about getting into the Wonderbolts. The artificial, unconvincing dialogue certainly doesn't indicate anything different. There's no emotion, no flesh in the story.
ReplyDeleteHey everypony.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback so far. I'm taking it all in stride, and will absolutely keep it in mind for my next one. I welcome criticism even more than praise, because it's the only way I improve as a writer. The one problem I had here was when I started out, I wanted to keep it short, and I think that's what kept me from developing it.
Short, but well written. Good call. I rate it a 4-star.
ReplyDeleteMeh, gave it a 2 star. It's not badly written, grammatically speaking, but it needs to be fleshed out.
ReplyDeleteThis was a cute, quick read. The ending was a bit weak, but it was still pretty good.
ReplyDeleteIt was okay. I'd say a 2.5 star. Needs moar.
ReplyDeleteIt's not really that sad, it's more heartwarming
ReplyDeletei really liked it ... in my opinion it should be made an episode in the next season :D ... it has a really good idea and it's written like a scenario.
ReplyDeleteSome introspection from RBD and a beefier resolution would have been nice. all things considered, it wasnt bad, just needs a little work.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I didn't particularly like this much. Dash giving up after a single try? The wonderbolts just brushing off a pony who can do the impossible? Dash just getting over the loss of her lifetime dream, in the time of a single balloon ride?
ReplyDeleteThe writing had potential, but this was far too short and handled too many issues too lightly, and resolved far too much.
I don´t get why you atack so hard the writer is actually a good story and yes I know that maybe is not as great as other fanfics that you have all ready readed but it´s really good not the best but is a little joyable story
ReplyDelete