[Normal][Sad]
Author: Mistytail
Description: Pinkie Pie is about to attend the worst family reunion ever and she knows it. She can't help but wonder: was there ever really any love in her family?
Somewhere We Pocketed
Additional tags: Family, Love, Hurt, Hope, Memento
16 comments:
Always good to see that other side of Pinkie Pie. Gonna give a read now :D
ReplyDeletefar from the saddest thing on here and a little short but otherwise a well written footnote in pinkies life 4/5
ReplyDeleteAh, that was a nice little story! I really like the concept of how gray Pinkie's parents are. It was a great short read that I could probably read many more times and enjoy it just the same!
ReplyDeleteNice little thing..
ReplyDeleteThough I worry, what of her 2nd sister?
Not even mentioned in the photograph.
Eh. Its written well enough. No glaring grammar errors or anything like that. It starts out ok, keeps the attention. I kinda did feel sad for Pinkie, a little anyway.
ReplyDeleteBut the ending is just way to quick and abrupt. And it kinda comes out of nowhere. Clearly, this is something Pinkie has struggled with for most of her life. And for some reason now she suddenly reaches her great realization? There is no explanation why. I am sure she has had the photo for a long time and looked at it countless of times. So why only now? And then the story is already over, so it doesn't really mean anything anyway. There is no emotion.
I don't know. It doesn't do anything for me.
The story was decent, but Pinkie seems to have her revelation at the end little too quickly.
ReplyDeleteAs said by Baree, yeah the ending kind of just came out of nowhere. I didn't feel the gut-wrenching sadness, but the story is something to get a glimpse of Pinkie's family life and struggles.
ReplyDeleteGrammar wise, it's decent. But the transition from past-tense to present tense is a bit disturbing - remember you can only keep it one.
Pretty good, a couple things bothered me thought. First off, the bottom of page two/top of page three has some tense issues over the course of 3 or 4 paragraphs. I don't know about other readers, but I find it very distracting when the author forgets and switches from past to present tense, or vice-versa. Also, what about Pinkie's other sister? She had two in her flashback, but only Octavia is mentioned.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I did still enjoy the story. Although short, it painted a vivid picture of Pinkie's family dynamics. And unlike some of the posters here, I don't really have a problem with the pacing of the end. It kind of reminds me of the end of Party of One, where as soon as Pinkie realizes that her friends don't hate her she's immediately back to normal. 3/5 stars from me.
Thanks for all of your comments, everyone! :) I really appreciate the feedback!
ReplyDeleteI feel so dumb, I totally forgot that she had a second sister! Oof. That shows me to brush up more on my canon before I write, thank you guys. And yeah, I admit, I completely rushed the ending. This was my very first time writing fic for MLP (not that that's any real excuse), and I'll try to do better next time. Thank you all for taking the time to read it and to point out my errors :) I really appreciate it!
Don't worry about it. I made her name "Pinky Pie" (along with "Apple Blossom") with my first fic. I agree the revelation comes too quick. There's no "trigger". She sees the sad picture and boom... revelation. Conflict resolved. Cake time.
ReplyDeleteTo really make this story work (for me at least, so take that as you like) I need to see more interaction. Have her mingle with her extended relatives and enjoy a little artistic licence. One possibility; Octavia comes anyway. Why? They're family. You care about family, even if there's no joy. Another possible trigger, talking with her little sister who confesses being content if not delerious happy. If you want to go for the gold, have her confront her father in front of everyone and then give his side of affection. Maybe he didn't give her wild rampaging parties, but he made she she didn't go hungry, never suffered, and got to enjoy a better life than he or her mother did.
Ping, trigger for revelation. Conflict resolved. Of course I'm a drama junkie so this is just my take on things.
Sad and short but Sweet and deep.
ReplyDeleteI've got to chime in that the ending comes really quick.
ReplyDeleteAlso I find one of Pinkie's sisters is missing. Octavia is accounted for in that she skipped as mentioned in the text, and the reunion is assumed to have people in it, but they're never detailed.
Still I liked most of this, even if the ending does come out of no where.
>It was a family portrait, of Father, Mother, Octavia, and herself.
ReplyDelete-Pinky Pie, from the Cutie Mark Chronicles, has two(2) sisters.
-The strongest fan-theory states(pretty much accepted has it) that Octavia is one of them (I agree).
-The second sister is a bit more vague, but she exists, and theories about her identity(the current main-one, that I also accept but ->) aren't that stable. So, her identity is still pretty open for authors (personally, I like the Photo Finish one).
...For the rest... It was an 'ok' story. A bit simple, but not all can be super-complexe or in 20parts. ;)
The ending was a little sudden. There didn't seem to be any resolution, simply Pinkie Pie suddenly assuring herself it would all be okay, without much provocation. It seemed like there was supposed to be more to it.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't bad story by any means, but it kind of forgets some big main points about the family.
ReplyDelete@Facelessguru
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is the Saddest thing on here in your Opinion? Id like to know! If its 'Friendship is Tragic' or 'Bittersweet'. Don't bother.