Author: Hugo V
Description: Field, an honest and humble colt, looks back on his life and the tribulations that followed gaining an unofficial position at Canterlot Castle. Retelling the story through his own eyes, the now older pony reminisces about life, love, and most importantly, friends.The Pain of Plants Part 1
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5 comments:
First page and it already feels like a mary sue, also the 4th wall came down way to early. :( But ill continue reading and provide my final thoughts later anyways.
ReplyDeleteHaving fully read it now, the writer has a very good flair for writing, especially in a unique manner, however i just can't shake my mane free of the fact that it's a mary-sue.
ReplyDeletePonies? in my 4th wall?
ReplyDeleteOMG alliterations i love you for them!
Why does Celly talk in italics? Is she telepathic? Jesus? What?
And, sadly, the other comments are correct. Your character is very Mary. Getting in personally with Celly so quickly? "We hugged but not romantically or anything"? What started out as a good intro, a well-written intro, degrades. What is your hero's flaw? He's too wonderful? So much more can be done with this character, but in my mind all i see is FFX's Tidus. Waaaay too happy all of the time.
Plus he laughed about birds dying. Boooo...
This is so much fun to read. It really reminds me of reading harry potter and going "omg harry, stop being so uptight and have fun." Don't get discouraged by the lack of comments, this got posted at an awkward time.
ReplyDeletePleaser write the next chapter!n I really enjoyed the first chapter.
ReplyDelete