no pressure, 500 votes later...holy crap.
Author: Conner Cogwork
Description: Twilight and her five friends are transported during a botched spell, across dimensions to... Ponyville, Equestria? But not the same one that they knew. Sitting on a bench is Harpsy and Babar. The Doctoress avoids apples from an aspiring Applebuck. And in a library across town, six stallions join their forces as they try to decipher the appearance of filly look-alikes of themselves around Ponyville!Fanfiction.net
On A Cross And Arrow (All Links!)
Google Documents
On A Cross And Arrow Part 1
On A Cross And Arrow Part 2
On A Cross And Arrow Part 3
On A Cross And Arrow Part 4
On A Cross And Arrow Part 5
On A Cross And Arrow Part 6
On A Cross And Arrow Part 7
On A Cross And Arrow Part 8
On A Cross And Arrow Part 9
On A Cross And Arrow Part 10
On A Cross And Arrow Part 11 (New!)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Stallions, Genderswitch, HIJINKS.
763 kommentaari:
>up for three minutes
VastaKustuta>instant 1-star
Oh you guys.
Added to my to-read tabgroup. Sigh, it's getting awfully full. I wish I had time to read more these days.
Why do i love pics of boy ponies so much?
VastaKustutaOh seth, Saying he has 2/2 6 stars invites parasprites.
VastaKustutahaha, Seth; nice job on the parasprite invitation. c:
VastaKustutaFor the love of everything Twilight, stop trying group teleports. When has it done what it's supposed to?
VastaKustutaI like where this stories going...
VastaKustutaSo far, it looks like this story won't be breaking the author's streak.
VastaKustutaSlightly plain in terms of writing, but I definitely enjoy the setting. I shall have to keep my eyes on this series!
VastaKustutaInteresting story, will definitely look for updates on it :).
VastaKustutaWeird but I like it
VastaKustutaI think I'm going to like this one. Can't wait for the next installment!
VastaKustutaI like this much more than other fanfics, so I'll be following it!
VastaKustutaHuh... Dimension-shattering shipping between the mane-6... This has potential. I shall follow this.
VastaKustutaInteresting so far... I'll give it my usual response of four stars for now, and I'll adjust it accordingly. Nothing wrong with it, but I'm sure that in the next chapter it'll start to really heat up.
VastaKustutaHoly parasprite bait, Batman!
VastaKustutaTO THE 5-STARMOBILE!
The thought of two Twilight Sparkles (well, one Twilight and one Dusk) makes me giggle uncontrollably. Can't wait for the next chapter. 5 stars!
VastaKustutaHoly bajesus that was awesome.
VastaKustutaHaha! Can't wait for the next part!
VastaKustuta@anon1 im glad im not the only one with that problem.
VastaKustutaA great start to an interesting fic, hope to see more.
VastaKustutaSeriously, why does teleportation always go wrong? Looking forward to seeing how this story goes.
VastaKustutaPoor Twilight, so many story plots seem to begin because of a failed spell of hers.
VastaKustutaWorks good.
VastaKustutaTwilight messing up her spells is used so often because it's easy, and it works, but in a case like this, where it's done well...
Yeah, good stuff.
Darnit! Now I'm going to have to think of a different name for the Twilight counterpart in the fanfic I'm writing.
VastaKustutaI'm loving this story though, can't wait for the next update!
Please please PLEASE continue this... I like it so much...
VastaKustutaOh my Celestia, that was AWESOME. Please continue! It would be terrible to see this fall through!
VastaKustutaDidn't they already use this picture for "The 63rd Rune" Another genderswap story? In fact, wasn't this picture specifically *for* that one?
VastaKustutaSome oddities with word choices here and there, I think, but overall the story's a very promising start!
VastaKustutaCan't wait to see the colt-versions of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. :D
Please lessen up on AppleJack's accent, it was a little hard to read her dialogue at a few parts. Calling Twilight 'student' and the other ponies by their colors was a little confusing at first, nothing major. Also try to have to use a better selection of words for a more natural flow. Just minor things, other than that I really want to read more.
VastaKustutaThat's it, the *AWESOME* factor's gotten 20% cooler on this one... even when it's already OVER NINE-THOUSAND!!!
VastaKustutaLoving this fic to bits; just thinking about the pairings' already got me giddy enough to chainsaw an entire Forest of Redwoods!
Sorry 'bout that. My obsession with chainsaws is peaking again. :D
Shouldn't the frequency have been 63.0 kHz? :)
VastaKustutaLOL, the CMCs. Apple Bud? Scooter? I got nothin' for Sweetie, though.
I'm a bit terrified of running into Silver Spoon and Tiara's dopplegangers. And maybe Sugar and Spice too...
I think you meant "rendezvoused" and "coalesce" rather than "reconnoitered" and "convalesce"...
VastaKustutaWill Luna's male name could be Artemis?, the name is so ambiguous that it can be used either as a male of female name, ang how could they reffer to his evil equivalent of NighMare Moon?
VastaKustutaTERRORCOLT MOON?
oh lord, there is gonna be a colt that is as insane as Pinkie Pie. (Can't even think of what a good name would be) Lord help us all.
VastaKustutaBecause I've not had a point to pop the names into the fic yet, I'll plop them here.
VastaKustutaPrince Apollo.
Anarchy Apollo.
That said, thanks for the comments and feedback guys! I'm not real big on the ratings stuff to be honest. *though I AM honored that the other two stories became 6-star status!* As long as you're all enjoying it, I'm happy.
And to ^^Anon, you were right. Word choice was pretty blah on my part. Fixed.
Oh gods, Yaoi Fangirl Fluttershy was just too much. XD
VastaKustutaI can't wait for the inevitable conversation:
VastaKustuta"Hey, Pinkie Pie!"
"Yes, Pastel Pastry?"
"Are you thinking..."
"...What I'm thinking?"
"Great Celestia! There's two of them!"
...I hope it happens anyway...
Soooo... will the Prince have a stuck-up niece called princess Noble Birth?
VastaKustutaTaylor, that's just what I was thinking. Thanks to Twilight's mishap, that world is going to have two Pinky Pies there for a while. Celestia help us. Celestia help us all.
VastaKustuta^ Don't you mean solaris?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI think Applebloom`s counterpart has been named Applebuck in the summary. As for Sweetie Bell... how about Spicy Maracas? Sweet(ie) Drum? Sour Symbol (Ok, maybe not that last one).
Coming with the opposite`s names makes for fun times. Maybe Big Machintosh can be Pink lady (type of apple). What about Hurricane and Sora for Spitfire and Sorin` (the named Wonderbolts)?
cant wait to see chapter 2
VastaKustutaLombardi's and ChaCha's?
VastaKustutaBrony Meetup reference XD
Incest much...actually its a step worse than that even
VastaKustutaI'm not a big fan of Gender-swap stuff, but this is too funny/dramatic for me not to enjoy it. 5/5 stars. I CAN'T WAIT until the next chapter's out!
VastaKustuta@Anon "Incest much...actually its a step worse than that even"
VastaKustutaImplying that masturbation is a step worse than incest.
Oh wow, chapter 2 was amazing!
VastaKustutaI enjoyed it...
6-star story? no
4-star? nu-uh.
this is 5-star baby, a real kicker for sure! I enjoyed this fic, and I know a lot of others did as well... the crusaders made me laugh, lol!
...
VastaKustutaI...
...
...
*5 stars*
OMG I LOVE WHAT YOU DID IN CHAPTER 2 :D :D :D :D :D :D
VastaKustutaI think this would have received the 4.9 rating it needed for 6 Star status by now if Sethisto had just kept his trap shut and not attracted all the Parasprites.
VastaKustutaOH MY-
VastaKustutaTIMESPACE THEORY IS MY FAVORITE THEORETICAL SCIENCE!
*wills self to keep mouth shut before spewing off metric Alternate Universe theories*
6 stars all the way, man. For SCIENCE!
This is really amusing...
VastaKustutaI'm getting this odd feeling that Celestia and (speculation) Solaris kind of KNOW the other exists. Like, in the big conclusion they see the two just sitting sipping tea! Rambling nonsense aside, *5 star*
VastaKustutaAm I the only one who mis-read HIJINKS as HUNKS and wondered? o.o
VastaKustutaOhhhhhh my goooooooooosh, I just CAN'T WAIT FOR PART THREE. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Lookin' forward to this so much.
VastaKustutaI can only imagine what will happen when the 12 meet each-other. There NEEDS to be a scene where each really reacts to their counterpart...
VastaKustutaDusk and Twilight studying each other before Twilight talks about how they arrived, and Dusk asking Spines to grab the relevant book...
Butter and Flutter hiding behind the Applejacks before cautiously saying hi...
The Applejacks sizing each other up before they realize that both are basically the apple-bucking same...
Elusive complimenting Rarity's mane, Rarity complimenting his coat, and the two start swapping fashion ideas...
Dash and Blitz glare at each other, and immediately challenge one-another to four laps around Ponyville GO!
And as for Pinkie and HER counterpart... Well, see Taylor's comment above.
Coming up with a masculine name for the moon prince is gonna be a challenge... if it comes up, of course.
VastaKustutaSilly suggestion: Apollo.
Serious suggestions: Astreus, Hypnos, Chandra.
Awesome story. Of course they're going to have to be on guard for Pinkies counter-part since he shares her ability to freaking appear out of seemingly nowhere.
VastaKustutanice, please finish.
VastaKustuta@LordOfTheWrongs
VastaKustutaThey already mentioned in chapter 1; Princess Celestia is Prince Solaris.
Dat Preview...
VastaKustutaDUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNN!!!!
Oh please do hurry up! I can't wait for the next chapter!!
"A DOUBLE RAINBOO-"
VastaKustutaI could perfectly imagine somepony singing about this on a hill.
In fact, there NEEDS to be a youtube video of that.
Like today.
You must continue this SOON
VastaKustutaYou must...
You must!
YOU MUST!
Brilliant so far. I am hoping for a scene where the mane cast's counterparts meet up and discuss what is going on, maybe when more rumours start spreading. I like to hear their thoughts on what is happening.
VastaKustutaI loved the way Rarity and Applejack interacted with their younger "brothers." As for Luna's boy name, it could be Prince Nocturne.
VastaKustutaAnother random idea for Luna's male counterpart. Anyone who's played Majesty: The Fantasy Kingdom Sim will be familiar with the name "Lunord". Since Conner seems to be following (as much as possible) the idea of keeping everypony's names as similar as possible from counterpart to counterpart (which admittedly is not always possible: See Rarity vs Elusive), Lunord seems an appropriate name for Luna's male counterpart.
VastaKustutaIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ...... i cannot wait for part 3 :)) ... omg i just love this story :D ... it could easily pass as an episode :))
VastaKustuta>a group of adult strangers ask three little children to take them to a place no one else knows about
VastaKustutai lold. great story i cant wait to read more!
I think Luna's male version should be called Prince Lunas. Luna with an s at the end to make it sound masculine.
VastaKustutaWhat a minute....
VastaKustutaTwo Pinkie Pies....
In the same place....
At the same time....
....
YOU FOOL!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!
WE ARE DOOMED!!!
Pinky and the Brain doomed or Grim Adventure's Mandy smiling doomed?
VastaKustutaThe fic was fun, but I beg the author to use something else other than CAPS. BECAUSE, they MAKE the EMPHASIS LOOK a bit UNNATURAL, italics can do wonders, you know. And small caps.
VastaKustutaI can imagine some of the male counterparts later on down then line complaining about the "girly" elements of harmony they acquired in their first adventure, like Blitz...
VastaKustuta"Ugh, I hated wearing that girly jewelry, no matter what cool powers and stuff it had. I mean a big gold necklace, c'mon!"
why isn't this story archived?
VastaKustutaI agree with Shadow Dragon. Luna's counterpart should be named Nocturne.
VastaKustutaUmmmmm....that fluttershy male version looks kinda gay and dunno...trabestie :/
VastaKustutaRemember that one time when Pinkie Pie was singing to Applebloom, and /another/ Pinkie Pie appeared out of nowhere? Well, picture that, but with /four/ Pinkie Pies. As somepony would say... "The horror! THE HORROR!"
VastaKustutaHere are some suggestions for names for genderswap counterparts.
VastaKustuta1. Luna/Nightmare Moon: Artemis/Lord Nocturne.
2. Trixie: Presto.
3. Zecora: Anansi.
4. Cheerilee: Joyeu.
Also consider changing Sweepy Bell to Silver Bell. It sounds more masculine.
i wish he would update more
VastaKustutaThis gets the Official of 20% More Awesome.
VastaKustutaI like where this is heading :P
VastaKustutaPart 3, woohoo!
VastaKustutaOh.. darn it. Another fic that's good and well-written and to add to the list of things for me to bookmark.
VastaKustuta*shakes hoof angrily.. then reads moar*
part 3 was great.
VastaKustutapart 4 looks like its gonna be amazing o.o
If I were female, I would be squee'ing over Fluttershy's little encounter. But I'm a male. Don't look at me, I'm not being unmanly over here. Really, don't, I'm seriously not squee'ing. Because I'm a man. We don't do that. Really.
VastaKustutaIs...uh...anyone else a little disturbed by the shipping between Butterscotch and Fluttershy?
VastaKustutaI'm sorry, but this just makes me incredibly uncomfortable for some reason. I mean, I could understand why, from Butterscotch's viewpoint. He doesn't know she's basically him from another world, and I get that common interests can breed affection.
But Fluttershy knows that he's her counterpart. And she doesn't find ANYTHING wrong with liking him...like that?
Lo siento, pero, no me gusta.
The rest of the story is good though.
Part 4 looks like it'll be interesting. Can't wait to see the inevitable chase scene between Dash and Blitz.
VastaKustutaOh god... That FlutterScotch encounter...
VastaKustutaThe most adorable thing I've ever read.
STILL LOVE IT
VastaKustutaCONTINUE THIS SOON AND I LL MAKE AN ALTAR/TRIBUTE ON YOUR NAME
Great story so far. Makes sense that, in part 4, Dash would be afraid of Blitz. She's not afraid he'll hurt her, she's afraid he's better than her - after all, he pulled off the Double Rainboom, and Dash didn't yet have the time to try it herself.
VastaKustutaThe Butterscotch encounter was really cute. I'm confused about Dusk making the connection between their names though, Butterscotch and Fluttershy don't really have that much in common, naming conventions wise...
Really looking forward to the next one!
It was so awesome reading some ButterShy... moar please
VastaKustutawait so fluttershy is basically inlove with her self??!!!
VastaKustutaMegusta
VastaKustutaNarcicism is Love
VastaKustutaButterscotch and Fluttershy...
VastaKustutaUm, would that be narcissism or just masturbation? Either way... I mean, the actions are adorable, but... FLUTTERSHY! HE'S YOU! WITH MAN PARTS! Think on that for just a minute.
@Kyle
VastaKustutaI can see it being pretty easy to fall for your cross gender self. Same interests, same habits etc.
Yeah, people tend to like others similar to themselves.
VastaKustutaAnways, this fanfic is coming along nicely and I look forward to future updates.
I'm not sure whether Flutterscotch is adorable or disturbing. Actually, that's a lie, since everything Fluttershy does I find completely adorable. Fluttershy is best pony.
VastaKustutaOw... My brain. Multiple worlds theory, opening for xkcd references, so many more awesome things. You'll kill me like this. (Please continue!)
VastaKustuta... I know its wrong... but Fluttershy and Butterscotch togeather was simply the cutest thing ever! =D
VastaKustutaAlso... I would think being just alternate versions of eachother... if they would basicly be geneticly considered siblings o.o
@Var
I can see only one connection.... utters being in the middle of both there name xD
Sorry for the double post, but remembred something!
VastaKustutaThe Grand Galloping Gala might have gone either better or just bad in a differnt way for Elusive, since Males are supposed to be the kinds of thing that Prince Blueblood made Rarity do... I imagine its either reversed in this world(unlikely) Or the Female version of Blueblood ended up being so vane and talking so much about herself that it was to much even for Elusive...
As Keane says:
VastaKustuta"When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves"
:p
HNNNNNNNNNNNG
VastaKustutaI really need to get someponies to link me up to these fics. It's weird and wonderful to see characters you have created being released into the wilds of fanfiction. I look forward to reading more :D
VastaKustutaMust. Read. MOAR!
VastaKustutaSo...? Are the mane cast going to fall in love with each of their genderswapped counterparts?
VastaKustutaThat's really wierd, I can't even comprehend the disturbing implications if they got...intimate.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@Benschachar
VastaKustutasince they share a lot of genes, only being gender-swapped and whatnot, wouldn't produce inbred ponies?
O_o
Well, this fic is starting to enter some wierd territory.
VastaKustutaAnd yet, I still REALLY like this story for some reason.
VastaKustutaHeya folks! Just wanted to say HOLY HORSEAPPLES TROTSWORTH IS HERE I'm hoping you're finding the story to your liking sir I swear I saw your pictures and then the one image that's being used for the header right now and I swear the whole thing just played out right before my eyes and then I-*dead*
VastaKustutaFor all of you feeling uncomfortable with the self-shipping in this chapter... mwahahaha~. My job is complete. Seriously though, it's just Flutter and Butter, each with a crush. I intend to explore a wide range of relationship types in this fic. Rest assured, they won't ALL fall head-over-heels with each other. Just keep your eyes peeled. :3
Oh, Arcel, I'll go ahead and say that it was the latter event that happened.
And to that one Alter-building anon. I only accept sacrifices of deep-fried buffalo wings.
Glad you're all enjoying the story so far! Thanks again for the comment, Trotsworth! There's plenty more to come, so stay tuned!
I like this story but I can already see that it will probably spiral into a MASSIVE shipping pool where everyone is oogling themselves.
VastaKustutaIt would be alot cooler and intense if everyone was curious around themselves, but only fluttershy + butterscotch fell in love.
I mean, lets face it, if you didn't fall in love with fluttershy, you would have no heart.
Im just worried that by the end of it were gonna have 6 pairs of shipping in one story when this could actually be an amazing love story...
Desregard the above message, I am glad my fears have been dismissed, hahahahaha
VastaKustutaGive the author a chance. It’s just Fluttershy, who has developed a small crush on herself. That doesn’t mean that the whole Mane Cast falls in love with their male counterparts.
VastaKustutaAnd we don’t know how far things will go. Maybe all we will see is Fluttershy dealing with her feelings. Or she and Butterscotch sitting down and talk about the whole situation.
Yes, I’m aware of the Shipping-Tag, but a tag doesn’t say how far the Shipping goes and who ends up with who. Perhaps this little scene was the only Shipping in the whole story.
Even if it turns out that this is a Flutterbutter story, Conner has proven that he (or she) is a good writer. So I' sure he/ she can write such a Ship in an enjoyable way without too much squick.
And now the most important question: Is Dash/ Blitz so awesome that she/ he can make herself/ himself straight? (I’m only joking. Please don’t kill me…)
...Rarity and Elusive are going to want to kill each other by the end of this, aren't they?
VastaKustutaThere are just so many fun character interactions that could happen and you're obviously having fun with this project; thank you for writing such an entertaining story. I look forward to seeing how this will develope.
@Kyle
VastaKustutaEh, go buck yourself.
Over 450 ratings at 4.9. I do believe that qualifies for Star-6. So that is in fact 3 for 3
VastaKustutaOyus. This is some really great writing. I can't wait for the next installment. No, I seriously can't wait. MUST. GET. MOAR.
VastaKustutaPart three hemorrhaged cuteness. I couldn't stop going "DAAAWWW" the whole time.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous Flutterbutter! The ship name is as adorable as the ship itself!
VastaKustuta@NotAGoodUsername360 Geeze, I'm sensing some hostilities... What I was trying to get across was that if it were literally anypony else that Fluttershy started crushing on, it would have been one of the cutest things ever. But since she started crushing on herself, things got weird for me. It was still adorable, on both sides, but the fact that they're basically the same pony save one being the male version of the other...
VastaKustutaThe many major possible relationships the Mane Six are going to have with the Male Six thrill me to the bone.
VastaKustutaI simply can NOT hold my breath any longer for another update, seeing as this fic's got its teeth sunk in deep.
ButterShy's all adorable puppy-love and amps the cute-factor up to eleven; DashieBlitz is (most probably) going to be something of a rivalry filled with competition, the former one-upping the latter and vice-versa...
Oh LAWD, the connections between the rest of the Mane Six and their Stallion counterparts I can't even BEGIN to imagine.
Mr. Cogswork... I salute you.
Good to hear that not all the mane cast fall for their counterparts (a cliché in stories like this). As for my thoughts on the relationships:
VastaKustutaTwilight/Dusk: Not really sure, but it will be interesting to see.
The Applejacks: Will probably treat each other like they are family members rather than developing a romance. I base this on Applebuck's reaction to her.
Dash/Blitz: I'm interested in why Dash is scared of Blitz in the 3rd chapter's preview, as she doesn't usually react this way unless she is really pressured. Apart from this, I expect them to be friendly rivals, though love may blossom.
Rarity/Elusive: One of three possible routes.
1. Fall in love at first sight and find that they are quite happy with each other.
2. Same as above but find that they remind each other of their dates at the Gala (Blueblood/Noble Birth?) and therefore avoid each other when possible.
3. Become friends over discussions of fashion.
Pinkie/Berry: ?? Anything's possible for those two. Probably will be having too much fun with each other to consider a serious romance.
Thoughts on this?
Also, keep up the good work Conner Cogwork.
@Noble Stallion Dash is probably scared that Blitz is going to be better than her, that she won't be the coolest pony anymore. And Pinkie and Berry are probably going to get together and throw a double-size 'Meet Your Gender-Swapped Counterparts From An Alternate Universe' party.
VastaKustuta@nemryn
VastaKustutaThat is possible, especially if Dash feels the to get away from Blitz, which seem likely given the viewed circumstances (maybe the double rainboom will make blitz faster than dash during flight?). However, I feel that it doesn't fit with Dash's personality. Rather, Dash would see it as a challenge to match her counterpart's skill rather than fear that she cannot do so. I say this because of Rarity's comment in chapter 2 (concerning Dash's pride after seeing the double rainboom).
Also, I think your second point might be a possible ending for this story.
...
VastaKustuta......
...............
FlutterScotch OTP.
dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
VastaKustutaI read all of blitz's dialogue as being the biggest bro in the world. It is amazing.
VastaKustutaAlso, I figure that Twilight and Dusk will initially have enough self-control to stay away from each other, but will eventually succumb to curiosity.
VastaKustutaOn a related note, I hope that Twilight figures out a way for them to meet without risking damage to the fabric of reality. Half the fun of a fic like this is seeing the characters interact with their alternate versions.
Wow, this is story is EXTREMELY interesting, and every chapter hooks me even more!!! The only downside I see is the wait after each chapter XD
VastaKustutaI'm surprised that either Fluttershy or Butterscotch were able to tell each other anything at all.
VastaKustutaThis is pretty awesome, would love to see more of this!
VastaKustutaCan't wait for the next coming chapters.
@NotAGoodUsername360
VastaKustutaYou said that. You ACTUALLY SAID THAT? You sir (or madam), have just taken the prize for worst pun.
Is it just me or is Twilight not keeping with her own explanation. Wouldn't this be the same thing as her earlier explanation with the Sonic Rainboom. I would think it would reason that there would be a alternate universe where they met themselves and one where they didn't. Besides. I can't see how you can mess anything up more than normal if you aren't time traveling or anything.
VastaKustutaAlso did it strike anyone as odd that this other universe seems to be a day behind? Dusk seems to have been planning when the others showed up. But if everything was equivalent they would have left at the same time. Perhaps it took them longer to stop Nightstallion Moon's and the extra long night caused 24 hours or so to be gained between universes. Just a thought.
This isn't a bad read, and I especially found it adorable with Butterscotch and Fluttershy's meeting. However, I then realize that their crushing is only going to end in sadness, as Fluttershy would have to go back to her own Ponyville soon.
VastaKustutaUPDATE GODDFREAKINGDAMNIT
VastaKustutahow do i know when its updated? do i just bookmark this page and comeback once a day?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaJust keep checking the EqD front page regularly. When there's an update to the story, the post will be bumped back up to the front page. That's how it usually works.
@Kyle
VastaKustuta>sensing some hostilities
...Have you had your humor glands surgically removed? Because you seem to be stuck at the "At first I was like -_-" stage...
@Rafael
VastaKustutaHomophobia aside, wtf is "trabestie"?
I just finished reading the first chapter and let me say. . .
VastaKustutaYou've got a lot of good stuff in here. A little bit of a slow start, but I can see why you have 2/2 six star stories with how you write. That said . . .
Please, please, pleaaase! address the bad habits you've picked up. The biggest offender is writing AJ's lines phonetically (misspelling words to mimic pronunciation). This is is not something a writer wants to do, ever. It simply puts the reader in murk swamp of letters they have to trudge through to figure out what's being said. Write AJ's lines spelled correct, please. We know what she sounds like, as long as the words are not out of character ("Forsooth," AJ said), we'll read it with her accent. [-ing reduced to -in' is okay though]
Second, I'd suggest looking a bit closer at the other character's spoken lines. There is a tendency they have to occasionally break character. For example, Pinkie saying the word "impart" or Rarity speaking in alliteration. These just don't seem to fit and occasionally jostle me.
Alright, now that I've given out the hard pill to swallow, just let me reiterate that this IS GOOD STUFF you've written. These problems you have are just like a little dirt on a sports car. Just take a rag to it, scrub it real good, and the car will look pristine. But I can't help staring at the mud until it's cleaned.
Best of luck!
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaONE MORE THING!
Sorry, I forgot to add this. But reading chapter two, I just remembered. Unfortunately, stuttering is not something Fluttershy actually does in the show. It's a bit distracting to see her portrayed as doing that, because it's not quite accurate to her character.
Again, sorry to lay this all at your feet like this, but it's my hopes to see improvement on something good rather than to discourage it continuing.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaFrom what I heard on Ponychan, he recently got an editor, who's been helping since chap 3. They probably havn't gotten back to the earlier chapters yet. But he'll probably get to them soon. I know somebody else in here caught a couple of things, and he corrected them.
On AJ's accent though, have you read 'Ah Ain't Got no Accent' by the same guy? That's likely where he's carrying on from.
@rebound
VastaKustutaChapter 3 had the same problems (StutterShy and AJ's inability to speak proper spelling into existence). The editor is probably helping with typos, but he really needs to address these more writer-oriented things.
The grammar is fine just make it . . . better.
Y U NO UPDATE
VastaKustuta@Conner Cogwork I was going to write a nice longwinded reply, but instead, this seems easier:
VastaKustutaMOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR
I'm loving this "forbidden territory" in shipping you're treading on.
check this to hear how the male versions could sound :D
VastaKustutahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WSObyDIfxk
Need another update!!! I need more Buttershy/Flutterscotch.
VastaKustutaWe had better get something special for 20 million views...
VastaKustuta...crap. I'd forgotten that male Dash would be shipped as fervently as female Dash.
VastaKustutaGod I hope none of the mane 6 are Yaoi fangirls... *shudder*
@NotAGoodUsername360
VastaKustutaMy bet's on Rainbow Dash herself.
holy sh*t this fic is epic
VastaKustutaLoose isn't the same as lose.
VastaKustuta"That feeling int the pit of her stomach"... that term is used twice in the fic...
VastaKustuta...hmm... I wonder...
I once read an article on Cracked about something similar, it was originally related to clones, but this is close enough to that to trigger it... I think it was called the Fight or F- er, BUCK instinct...
@ProfPyro *bows* I'd like to thank the Academy... however, I can't, seeing as they're not here.
VastaKustuta"There's a filly out there who looks just like me, can fly just as fast as me, and can even perform the Sonic Rainboom. On top of that, she bucked me. Twice."
VastaKustuta*spit take*
SHE DID WHAT?!?
@NotAGoodUsername360
VastaKustutaI lol'd.
I love this fic...
Porn mags and double rainbooms ...
VastaKustutatake all my stars damn it! 5 stars and beyond!
Well, reality's doomed.
VastaKustutaWow, I mean wow, chapter after chapter this fic is getting more great! I mean, it just so awesome, with such an amazing concept, a very great story, top noch character development, I thought progress was the greatest fanfic on ED, now I'm starting to doubt that!!!
VastaKustutaAll my congratulations sir, take them all!
Why does Rainbow Dash have to be so awesome as to challenge Fluttershy for best pony?
VastaKustutaSrsly, Fluttershy>=RainbowDash>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>everypony else
I feel like I'm channeling Terumi today...I'm laughing like a maniac.
VastaKustutaThis series has so much potential and right now it's using it all.
*slightly maniacal*Oh I can't wait for the next update.Eheheheheh...ahahahahahahaha...Kyahyahyahyahyahyahyahyahyaaaaaaaaa!
Hmm...you'd think with all of the universe not exploding twice that's going on whenever the ponies meet their gengerbent selves that Twilight Sparkle would maybe lighten up about the whole thing. Then again, that might kinda kill some of the drama. Still, it would be nice to see Pinkie Pie and her genderbent clone trying to outparty one another...on second thought, that might just be the universe buster that Twilight was worried about...
VastaKustutaGRAAAAAHHH!!! I love this fanfic far too much. I am going to cut myself when Fluttershy has to go back to her universe, I just won't be able to handle the awfulness of unfulfilled love!
VastaKustuta@Bugsydor
VastaKustutaThat's what I've been thinking. Jeez, lighten up Twilight. I want to see how Dash and Blitz get along when Dash isn't beating Blitz up, lol.
I liked it up to the porn part, I still read it but it isn't one of my top stories anymore.
VastaKustutaYeah, I would think that Twilight would lighten up after there were a few harmless encounters with their other selves. But seriously, WRITE FASTER.
VastaKustutaRainbow's interaction with her alternate self was great. It's interesting to see that her alt self is also bi-curious and that he's actually a little more reckless than her.
VastaKustuta@Twilight Sparkle As long as you're note scribbling cryptic messages on the walls or on pages and pages of paper, you should be fine.
VastaKustutaNow if you'll excuse me, I've gone OOC and I want to get this chapter of Grimdark done before the Witching Hour.
*takes hallucinogens*
*uncaps marker*
*prepares pile of paper*
Any minute now...
No muffins for you!
VastaKustutaAnd now we have to wait for the next installment.
VastaKustutaThese previews... dang. You take an awesome chapter, and then you leave tantalizing hints for the next chapter, which leaves us eagerly awaiting more! Well played, Conner Cogwork, well played indeed.
I will be watching this story closely as it progresses. It's good, healthy mixture of humor, events, and sprinkling of shipping, all in the joy of exploring a wild concept.
VastaKustutaMan, I love the writing and the plot, but the CONSTANT CAPITALIZATION IS REALLY GETTING TO ME.
VastaKustutaItalics, man, italics and bolding are your friends.
@Anonymous D:
VastaKustutaOh my gosh I love this story. The way the genderswapped ponies act with the real ones are golden. I can't wait for the next chapter to come up! Male Rarity and Pinkie should be interesting.
VastaKustutaHonestly, I like bi-curious Rainbow Dash/Blitz. It's a great way to throw a nod to both sides of the "Rainbow is a lesbian" divide. And if I'm not mistaken, the author had a bit of text that implies Applejack may not be straight (her thoughts on Butterscotch are framed a particular way that implies a few other things). While Butterscotch/Fluttershy is both adorable and weird (and reminding me of an episode of Sliders, the one where day-time trash TV rules the airwaves: "I met a female me in one universe." "Did you do her?"), I definitely hope that the rest of the Mane 6 don't end up crushing on their counterparts. It fits for Fluttershy/Butterscotch because of their mutual shyness, but Applejack^2 would see each other too much like family (especially with male!AJ looking more like Big Mac), Rarity and Elusive would be far too strong-willed for each other, the Rainbows still aren't sure about anything in general, Twilight/Dusk would be too focused on fixing things (or worried about the world exploding), and Berry/Pinkie.... I really don't see that working. At all.
VastaKustutaAlso, Cutie Mark Crusader colts are soooo adorable!
Twilight really needs to take a chill pill. But then, that's Twilight for you. She ALWAYS needs a chill pill.
VastaKustutaAnd if this fic does not end with some way for Fluttershy and Butterscotch to stay together, I will cry and send hate mail to the author.
Anywho, AMAZING story! Write more!
@NotAGoodUsername360 If this spit-take scene happens in the next chapter, I will laugh hysterically.
VastaKustutaExcellent work, looking forward to the next chapter as always.
I demand part 5.
VastaKustutaWas that... was that an Ace Attorney reference? XD "The Fragrance of Dark Coffee" is certainly a... specific phrase, to say the least.
VastaKustutaPlease tell me that the Prince has a big rainbow beard. I will love this story even more than I already do.
VastaKustuta@RedSquirrel456
VastaKustutaYARRR, BY CELESTIA'S BEARD
---
Read all 4 chapters. NEED NEXT CHAPTER NOW. : O
This is best fanfic, keep up the great work
VastaKustutaI cannot wait for the next chapter.
VastaKustutaIF anyone has a time-travel mechanism, let me know.
Oh my god. Fluttershy and Butterscotch. It's like.... it's like Fluttershy times two.... It's like the cutest, sweetest, shyest, gentlest most caring pony in the world met someone who was just as cute and sweet and shy and gentle and caring as them. And then they fell in love! /)^3^(\ Too. Much. Cute. 0_o wut?
VastaKustutaAs expected, another splendid chapter.
VastaKustutaOh great. Now I have this stupid grin plastered on my face. Oh well, my coworkers already know of me doing that every now and then, grinning like a moron for no visible reason.
VastaKustutaFlutterscotch is so much cuteness overload it's epic.
Fantastic chapter, although I've gotta admit, I really do hate the Twilight in this story. Although I do sorta always hate on people that don't understand romances screwing them up, no matter HOW dimension shattering they could be. (Unlikely..)
VastaKustutaBUT PLEASE don't let Twilight ruin it! Flutterscotch is adorable!
If I saw this at Barnes & Noble, I'd be like "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY"
VastaKustutaSeriously, RD? You really thought it was a good idea to break into your own house and look for your dirty magazines to learn about the sexual orientation of your male counterpart? Sadly this is totally in character for her.
VastaKustutaPerhaps the mane six should reconsider to reveal themselves to their male counterparts. They already know about them and it’s obvious that nopony exploded. If Twilight and Dusk would combine their researches they could be back home in “ten seconds flat”. However, it’s funnier to see the characters desperate attempts to maintain their cover while the make one mistake after another.
I looooooove this story sooo much!. But I disliked majorly the "magazine" and double-rainboom parts. They kinda spoiled the story for little while. You could have atleast tried to be subtle in the magazine part. Otherwise, awesome job so far.
VastaKustutaI hate these links! They don't let me export PDF! Here's BETTER links:
VastaKustutahttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1IG9NDIg_O8grzt2puch2_7NSYaNJ6NuLd0n3MpXSFzM/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aRogfoH063jwu6VxZHlrygbpXa57ZwxICu_eIll1V4w/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HuBmY-0FmmYk_gIFa79NpYHje7pnpZ4XozTE5E3JC3I/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1h2PiEt6G_YjqjA0oQvhnmbmkwfJNXcBoQuPdp3obcFg/edit
I'll be back later, when I've actually read the thing. =3
I feel like a traitor for liking the FlutterButter ''shipping'' part. I ship FlutterMac after all...
VastaKustutaConner Cogwork, if you are reading this. Make this into a book. I WILL buy it. Amazing story and i love how everything unfolds so... PERFECTLY! 10/5 stars (it's that awesome)
VastaKustutaThank you, SIR! May I have another?
VastaKustutaYou know, I started this story knowing full well that it would totally be in Rainbow Dash's character to be the one the cause everything to go to crap. A sort of intentional-yet-unintentional disaster waiting to happen.
VastaKustutaAnd it was still fantastic to see it pulled off as well as it was in Chapter 4.
i just had a great idea concerning elusive and rarity talking to each other about the gala, how blueblood was very ungentlemanly, have princess blueblood be very unladylike
VastaKustutabut being the genius that you are you have probably already written something about that
Heya folks. I apologize for the lateness of this chapter, but I'm glad that it's been so well-received by everypony. I know a few of you are groaning about the Double Rainbooms and the naughty magazines bit, not to mention Twilight's over-reaction to things. I'll try to lay lightly on the memes from this point out, if that makes you guys feel any better. It was just too hard to resist! As for Twilight, y' gotta keep in mind that she gets worked up over the things she deems important. Contaminating another timeline kinda ranks up there on her list of 'important' things.
VastaKustutaTo Olimar: It's a reference in so much as to trigger that music to play in your head the instant you read that sentence. Fallin' Winter, if you read this, next installment allready!
Just so you know, Maximillian Veers on DeviantArt has begun compiling Cross and Arrow into E-reader format! Those of you asking for books *can't tell how serious or silly you folks are being* can now enjoy it on the go, and it won't cost you a cent! It can be found here!
http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/art/Cross-and-Arrow-eReader-217807746
Again, I'm glad you're all enjoying it so far! Still plenty more to come! For the next chapter, I hope you'll all hungry for lots and lots of ham! Hope to have it in on time this time!
FFFFFFFFFF~~~~ uck
VastaKustutaYou keep leaving me wanting more :|
Need chapter 5
VastaKustuta