Author: MichaelXX2
Description: A congregation of pony characters boards the RMS Titanic in 1912, and some meet a horrible demise.A Night to Forget
A Night to Forget Part 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Sad, interesting, grim, depressing, maddening
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[Sad][Crossover][Grimdark] This is a ....Titanic crossover. Yes, you read that right. I was surprised too!
Author: MichaelXX2
A Night to Forget Part 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Sad, interesting, grim, depressing, maddening
Sildid: Author: MichaelXX2, Big Mac, Braeburn, Complete, Crossover, Derpy Hooves, Everypony, Fanfiction, Grimdark, Lyra, Other, Sad, Star-3, StoryShare This!
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53 kommentaari:
Cue the Celine Dion music.
VastaKustutaas freakazoid once said: Now lets watch the lips sink"
VastaKustutahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saalGKY7ifU
VastaKustutaIt HAD to be done! The music, that is.......
Quick, someone find something witty to say about his typo.
VastaKustuta@Oleetar
VastaKustutaWhat was the typo?
@Narwhals' Bend
VastaKustuta"This is a ....Titanc crossover."
@Oleetar
VastaKustuta"What happened to Titana and Titanb?"
@Narwhals' Bend
VastaKustutaHAHHHHHHHHHHHH
(Oh, bad puns are just the best
This isn't surprising considering MichaelXX2 is basically incapable of creating NON-Titanic related material.
VastaKustuta@ a href #c1292982067186246608 >Anonymous /a>
VastaKustutaBut the Titanc typo was Seth's.
That being said, this fic bothered me. Did it even have a pre-reader?
The pacing was much too quick. There wasn't nearly enough character development -- I couldn't get a feel for the character's positions in the Titanic world, and I felt detached as each character got merely a paragraph or two before I was whisked away to the next portion of story.
Tense shifting throughout made it an awkward read. Especially when the tense shifted mid-sentence.
And the death sequences were awful... hell, I laughed at some of them.
Would have been much better if it was written in chapters, each one with significantly more detail, rather than attempted as a one-shotter looking more like an outline.
Break my reply tag, you're going to do that to me, Blogger?
VastaKustuta@ #c1292982067186246608 Anonymous
This any better or am I failing now?
I had to stop reading....I just couldn't go on when it showed poor Sweetie Belle..well...
VastaKustutaI'm going to have to express disapproval for this story. The key problem is it's just a shortened version of the movie with ponies substituted for the original characters. There's nothing distinctly Pony about it, nor is there anything original.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaIf Twilight's the captain couldn't she just I dunno...put some kind of melting spell on the iceberg or maybe Dash could move it out of the way? XD and Pinkie Pie at the wheel...I'm surprised that lasted as long as they did with that going on!
VastaKustutaIt wasn't bad. The title delivers what it promises -- a titanic pony port.
VastaKustutaI cringed at some of the scenes. Kind of felt things happened to fast.
But overall, good work.
Phenomenally bad. It's word for word in a lot of places. You can't just steal the dialogue and scenes from the movie and substitute the ponies who fit their roles best and call it fanfiction. True crossovers are a melding of the two worlds, not a copy paste.
VastaKustutaMultiple meaningless deaths. I didn't even care about most of them, there wasn't any connection to the characters at all. They were like mannequins being tossed about to fit the author's designs.
VastaKustutaTense shifting all over the place. As well as timeline jumping between characters. Show don't tell obvious in multiple places. Don't tell us Rarity is a coward, we should come to that conclusion ourselves after observing her actions. Don't explain exhaustively how everyone died and how they felt. Somethings are far more powerful when they are implied instead of described.
Finally, I remember this movie really well. And almost every scene is copied exactly. From the death scenes (fluttershy=fibrizio, twilight=captain, cheerilee=andrews), to the destruction of the ship, to the dialogue. Everything is copied. Very annoying. How did the pre-readers let this one slip past?
Wow, this sucked
VastaKustutaIt wasn't all bad. I particularly liked it when he made the ship sink.
VastaKustuta@blackopspublishing
VastaKustutaIf anything, this was a copy of A Night to Remember. If you actually read the book, you can see that's where he drew a lot of inspiration (ripped off from.)
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaSorry, haven't read that yet. Perhaps the writer is an equal opportunity ripper offer.
"I'm kind of the world!"
VastaKustutaAt least Cupcakes had decent writing.
VastaKustuta-One Star-
I can't say I really enjoyed this story, I felt that it was to much the EXACT copy of the movie, the lines and the actions. All you did was put ponies in place. There was nothing different or unique.
VastaKustuta3/5
Crap now my Birthday is Associated With the Pony version of Titanic too ;_;
VastaKustutaOh you guys
VastaKustutaReading that just made me feel bad. Not upset, or bored, or mad, or anything, Just... bad.
VastaKustutaAgree with 2:47 Annon: needed more pony melding, and more detail. I see what you did with the ship's log style there, but unless you get some good emotion storytelling (with ponyism, hopefully) in here, it's really just us reading that ponies died. Which makes us feel bad.
Why didn't the pegasus just fly away?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaSomething about it being too exhausting and too cold?
Sadly, I have to agree with many of the others here. It was simply a synopsis of Titanic that juxtaposed ponies for humans. I felt very little emotionally during most of the death sequences, due to lack of character development. Honestly, the only one I felt bad for was Octavia [and no, it wasn't just because she's the best background pony(sorry Octavia, you're second only to Rarity in my heart <3)].
VastaKustutaThe major flaw here is lack of originality. You need to make the story your own, not copypasta it onto the poniverse. I bet this could be a pretty great story if you put some effort into it.
Ok not bad so far still I wonder who will d... OH GOD BIG MAC, CMC, EVERYBODY! THEY'RE DEAD JIM! DEAD! ALL DEAD.
VastaKustutaOn a serious I had a good laugh. How did the planing go? "Hmmm I wonder who should I kill...Fuck it rocks fall, everybody dies."
Also why didn't the pegasii go on a cloud or something?
Also, if Twilight can carry an Ursa Minor and a water tower, she totally could have carried a few hundred passengers. Meaning this was just BAD END, and we should try again. :p
VastaKustuta@ The title: That's what she said.
VastaKustutaPart 2: Self-depreciation, self-depreciation, self-depreciation, Back to the Future, self-depreciation.
VastaKustutaPinkie in a Delorean would make it acceptable if you weren't so goddamn heavy-handed with the self-depreciation at the expense of everything else, like actually making things interesting. ATM you're just sort of jumping around randomly, which is fine for a crackfic but you failed to be engaging. Also, lrn2formatting, you're supposed to have linebreaks whenever changing speakers.
How is this part 2?
VastaKustuta1) Port = left. Starboard = right. To turn to port when told to go starboard is total incompetence.
VastaKustuta2) Stop changing tenses. That is a major grammatical no-no.
3) It was nothing more than a meaningless killing off of the ponies. You added nothing new to the story.
Oooooh, no, no, NO. Of all the fanfics, why continue this one? I can't even get past the first page of part 2 without getting a headache.
VastaKustutalolwut
VastaKustutaLove and Tolerance, folks. If you have to give negative criticism, be specific to help their writing grow.
VastaKustutaI will keep the love and tolerance high. I know how bad it feels to have people trashing your work, so my words are 100% free of spite. I really want to help here, because a crossover of Ponies with the Titanic sounds awesome. Here are some of the things I would change.
VastaKustuta- Stop using swear words. Swear words, at least how I see them, are a seasoning in a sentence. You use them for emphasis. You also use them when you want a funny punchline. Reffering to characters as "assholes", or "fuckbrains" is uncalled for, especially if it's these characters who say it. I don't say don't use them, I just say know how to use them.
- Be careful with tense. This is coming from the spanish author who tries to keep the past perfect tense in place in his fics and who doesn't remember half of the English vocabulary, but really, even I was pointing out the errors with tense in this fic. The people are Ponychan are awesome at keeping the tense in its place, so I'd recomend you to go see them as many times as you see necessary.
- Separate the dialogue and the other paragraphs. Many others pointed this out, so I won't brag too much about it.
- Try to keep the characters in character. It's okay to go ot of the way if you are using background ponies, since they are still open to interpretation and you can get creative with that. But Pinkie and Twilight are really well defined, and in this story they really are out of character. I have had problems with this as well, so this comes from somebody who is trying to correct his own mistakes.
I think that's all I can think of right now. As I said, there's no spite in my words. I really want to help you improve your writing, because a story that mixes My Little Pony, Back to the Future and Titanic shouldn't be trashed like this. Work hard to make it awesome!
@James Corck
VastaKustutaYou aren't a native speaker? Could've fooled me, you're better than 90% of the people I've seen writing from.
urrrrrrrg people born in the usa writing "Santa's for sale"
Wait a minute, wait a minute. We've got 3d models of the cast already. I say we pull a 'Full Life Consequences' and adapt this to GMod.
VastaKustuta@Otherunicorn
VastaKustutaI don't think you understand the history behind this. "Hard-a-starboard" means to turn the wheel right, making the rudder go left and therefore the ship go left. Derp.
@MichaelXX2
VastaKustutaActually, I am wrong. That was a command that stemmed from olden times.
@Everyone who points out that Titanic turned to port
VastaKustutaHistorically, First Officer Murdoch gave the order "hard a starboard", and the helmsman turned to port. This is still correct, because the engines were put in reverse (dunno if that's mentioned in the story, as I am too afraid to read it). With the engines in reverse, the turning orders are relative to which way the stern is turning. From an aft perspective, starboard is left, and port is right. Therefore, the order was to turn the stern of the ship to starboard, and to do that, the bow must turn to port. Hope that clears up any confusion.
@blitzthedragon
VastaKustutaSo...It's like FPS videogames? Invert the controls and all sense of logical direction based on the input is gone?
I just realized something. If the author posts a second chapter where a character goes back in time to first insult the author and then open another time warp to go fix the situation, does this mean the progression in Ch. 2 was planned as the ACTUAL story?
VastaKustuta...Then that would mean Ch. 1 was an intentional trollfic meant to INTRODUCE the actual plot! Read between the lines, y'all!
Either that or part 1 WAS serious, and the author made part 2 to perform damage control upon seeing how poorly part 1 was received.
VastaKustutaThis fanfic should crash and burn.
VastaKustutaNice job changing the picture.
VastaKustuta@MichaelXX2
VastaKustutaThis TwilightAWK-WARD.gif picture is hilariously meta. What was the original? Link?
I sort of want to have a crack at this concept myself...
VastaKustuta