[Crossover][Grimdark][Sci-fi] More Mass Effect Ponies! Unlike the other story, it's human in Equestria style.
Author: iheartfornax
Description: Through the workings of an ancient scroll, the world of ponies is transported to another universe. Will this cold, heartless, and uncaring void be the end of ponies everywhere? For to carve out a place of their own in this new galaxy, what ancient secrets, forbidden practices, and forgotten artifacts must see the light of day and night?Magic Effect Part 1
Magic Effect Part 2
Magic Effect Part 3
Magic Effect Part 4
Magic Effect Part 5 (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, Sci-fi, OC Ponies, Humans
50 comments:
Haven't read the story, but the picture of Tali riding Twilight is just pure epicness. Ima read the story now.
ReplyDeleteMemetic hazards? Oh my.
ReplyDeletewell i do enjoy tali......... i hope this has tali/twilight shipping >.> dont judge me brony
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I was wondering when someone will do the other potential take on this crossover.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh, bookmarked for reading.
mad i have waited about 5 days for a return thing for Seth for my 2 things a doc and picccccccccccc
ReplyDelete@Shmoogy
ReplyDeleteIt's not bestiality if it's two sentient species!
I'm liking this so far, hope to see more.
ReplyDeleteSub-orbital bombardment actually doesn't really work that well when you're trying it against a Sun Goddess...
ReplyDelete@ ninestempest
ReplyDeletethats highy logical i will accept that idea
i don't get why a random slaver from a random slave ship would try to hold on to any secret (lol what secrets btw?) while tortured. Do they pay them that much? Or are they that idealistic?
ReplyDeleteI always did draw a parallel between Tali and TS. Glad to see I'm not the only one who did.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI don't know a lot about Batarians, but from what I do know it doesn't seem like much of a stretch that one of them would be this stubborn.
SO. MUCH. CANON DEFILING.
ReplyDeleteTim? Mass effect powered weapons? RARARARGH.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletefrom what i can tell TIM is an acronym for The Illusive Man. For the weapons, if you read the codex for weapons in ME it explains that inside each weapon is a chunk of super heavy metal and a small bit of it (smaller than a piece of sand) is shaved off and fired using a mass effect field. So yeah it makes canonical sense
Mysterious star system appears out of nowhere where there had been none before. The physics of the system (sun orbiting the planet???) are so improbable that they MUST be artificial. And the first thing the ME people think is "We must loot the place!" instead of "Holy shit! Let's not annoy whoever built this place!"
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell???
@ a href #c658171646705768044 >Anonymous /a>
ReplyDeleteActually it makes total sense if you read up your ME stuff
I had the pleasure of reading this as a proofreader; a gentlebrony known as iheartfornax one day checked something in Arddun Lleuad, and subsequently gave me the formatting for the entire book. Hence I offered to proofread something of his, and I accepted his offer.
ReplyDeleteIt started out as a standard affair beginning, which was good enough, however halfway through the story suddenly The Illusive Man is mentioned and I'm left sitting there with my face blown off wondering what the hell just happened.
It turned out that my wife and I had been playing ME2 religiously at that point in our lives, so subsequently with this sudden serendipity I was rushed to the hospital to have my heart pushed back from it's new home in my throat.
Perhaps I was still reeling from that incident, but the rest of the story seemed just as good as we experience it had given me to begin with. Naturally when approaching a story like this you have to give a lot of thought and interest to how the entire universe works, meshing the two universes together and giving the meaningful, believable descriptions is the biggest hurdle to jump, and I feel this has accomplished it quite well, even though I know how much research iheartfornax did to write this, I would get that impression even if I did not proofread this. There are some grey areas but this is no fault of the author's by any stretch of the imagination.
As a story it really goes against my idea of Equestria, since the author has aimed for a Crapsaccharine world where what lies above in the happy wonderful lovely world of equestrian isn't necessarily what lies below, in the hearts and minds of its rulers and governors. I think the fact that it has such a dark take on Equestria sets it apart from being a normal crossover; not only is it a Mass Effect crossover, but also a unique take on Equestria, and the two of these elements in the story go very much hand-in-hand.
It's a good sign when a pre-reader ends up simply reading a story instead of keeping the mindset that he is meant to be pre-reading, and that is exactly what happened to me whilst pre-reading this.
I genuinely look forward to reading more as new chapters are released.
- Pride
I don't know. Some of the Mass Effect lore seemed pretty off. I have never heard the Illusive Man being referred as Tim.
ReplyDeleteThe torture scene in this fic gives me such trouble. It's just so...sudden. Just out of freaking nowhere they decide to go Mengele on the batarian. I don't hold any particular sympathy for the batarian, but they're not even torturing him for specific information as far as I can tell. It's just like "Oh look, a person who knows things that could potentially, maybe, prove useful. LET'S TORTURE THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!!!!" It's just so far out of character and mood, I can't accept it. Which is particularly disappointing because otherwise I liked the way the fic was looking.
ReplyDeleteThe ponies have been interrogating the Batarian the whole day, when it was night time Luna finally decided that torture was the only way to get anything out of him.
ReplyDeleteAnd Batarians are assholes, I'd torture one just for fun. They deserve what happened to them in Arrival.
Wow. Somehow, I never had Celestia pegged as someone who could go from "nought" to "sadist" in just three chapters.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that bothers me: there's no explanation to how the batarians or TIM understands ponies, unless the ponies suddenly speak English. Even if that was the case, the ponies wouldn't understand batarians. Their equivalent of Esperanto (trade tongue) is too simple for broad topics and even then only most speak it (and how would ponies know it anyway?). The rest is translated on the fly, humans speaking English/Japanese/Finnish/whatever, batarians... batarese or something, turians turianese etc. and the translators take care of everything. Somehow I doubt the ponies would have those translators.
ReplyDeleteSo, handwave it with magic or something, if you would? Similarly you could add a bit of surprise to The Illusive Man's reaction to both understanding each other.
I've never heard The Illusive Man being called TIM/Tim in games but I'm willing to buy that it's used for casual conversation. Somehow I doubt TIM himself would like it much, though. Takes a bit away from the image.
Othar than that, it seems fairly good, though I'm not sure I like your idea of Equestria. We'll see, I guess.
I like the almost pragmatic approach to the situation that you've described. I do hope we get to see more characters native to the source materials soon, however. The amount of time spent without makes me a little worried that they won't be appearing at all (especially on the Mass Effect side of the equation).
ReplyDeleteSome of the sentence structure is... off? I'm not sure what's bothering me about the syntax, but it seems like some sentences run into each other without being run on sentences.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed TIM though. Good job.
This story is going to involve Shepard and the Normandy right?
ReplyDelete@Shmoogy
ReplyDeleteAh, the Talimancers are everywhere!
I'm okay with this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so confused...How did ponies make functional personal railguns with nothing but plans?
ReplyDeleteED needs a quote function dammit...
ReplyDelete@LOG
>> The torture scene in this fic
>> gives me such trouble. It's
>> just so...sudden. Just out of
>> freaking nowhere they decide to
>> go Mengele on the batarian. I
>> don't hold any particular
>> sympathy for the batarian, but
>> they're not even torturing him
>> for specific information as far
>> as I can tell. It's just like "Oh
>> look, a person who knows things
>> that could potentially, maybe,
>> prove useful. LET'S TORTURE THE
>> CRAP OUT OF HIM!!!!" It's just so far out of character and mood,
>> I can't accept it. Which is
>> particularly disappointing
>> because otherwise I liked the
>> way the fic was looking.
Agreed. And Part 4 makes it worse. It looks like Celestia isn't even giving TIM's representatives a chance to prove themselves before dissecting them. She doesn't tell her doctor that she MIGHT have new test subjects, but that she WILL have them. And from the human snippets, they're not planning betrayal. This isn't protective caution; this is outright dickishness on Celestia's part.
So what the hell?
I have to admit that the torture scene really cut me off the fic, in fact I just stopped reading it after that scene. Celestia and Luna just looked like cruel individuals to me (Luna actually seems to appreciate the deed). I'm a great fan of mass effect, and while I agree that batarian are for the most part a big bunch of criminals, terrorists or slavers (or all three if you're lucky), I actually felt that the ponies were the bad guys this time and I didn't appreciate it a single bit.
ReplyDeleteIts the main problem of this fic, the rest seems quite interesting and well written.
I don't want to give too much away, but you have to realize that this story isn't complete! Who is planning exactly what hasn't been revealed yet. We still have a long ways to go before all of it is said and done.
ReplyDelete========Possible Spoilers below!================
Yes, all mass accelerator weapons in mass effect are powered by Eezo--I've spent a lot of time perusing the Codex in both games so I could get this fic right.
If you looked closely, the planet of Equestria (which I am treating as the entire planet) is in the traverse, next to Batarian space, and outside of Council Space. Because the batarians are greedy, amoral, and have an economy in the gutter since their self-removal from council space, yes. Yes they would jump on the first chance at a planet below the technological level of their own to start mining operations for money.
TIM's never been one to show his hand at any point, especially in the games (if you've seen the spoilers in the trailers for Mass Effect 3), and the Princesses have been around far too long to think that doing something to the humans similar to what happened to the batarian in even the slightest sense isn't going to win them any friends.
But then, what is the life of a mortal being in the eyes of an immortal being? Especially the life of a hostile alien that killed one of your people? A puff of smoke, a wilting flower, leaves on a tree. The dissection (which is addressed at the beginning of the latest chapter, explaining that scene served two purposes) was necessary, and a specimen (who committed murder) was readily available. No, I'm not some kind of sick and twisted artist who gets off at the idea of torture, but this *is* labelled [GRIMDARK] right there at the top of the page. In the game, aliens and humans like died
As far as the language barrier is concerned: that was one of the first things I sought to explain in a crossover like this. It will be revealed in time, there's just hasn't been need of an explanation yet. So don't worry! I have everything planned out already. There's going to be many more chapters to this story before it reaches its conclusion.
That said, thanks for all the critique, compliments, and comments! I hope you enjoy reading my scribblings as much as I enjoy writing them!
@iheartfornax
ReplyDeleteto fix my mistake in the third to last paragraph:
In the game, aliens and humans died all over the place throughout the game. People die. Ponies die. It's a natural part of (mortal) life.
I'm pretty sure Celestia cares a lot about the sanctity of life...
ReplyDelete@iheartfornax
ReplyDeleteTrying to pass this off as GRIMDARK only highlights a problem with making likable characters.
The language barrier? Skipping the explanation for later only comes across as utter laziness.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNah, I just don't want the first three chapters of my fic to be nothing but explanations; it's part of the "show, don't tell" way of writing I'm working on.
So, I guess if you want something like Naruto, which explains all the rules in intricate detail and spends chapters illustrating every possible application, you should go read Naruto (and perhaps Bleach). There are plenty of works out there where, upon creating a unique world, the author doesn't give you the rulebook at the beginning. The "Saga of Ice and Fire" is a good example.
Just like the Mass Effect games, you weren't subjected to a long expository on who everyone was, how everything worked, and the entire history of the universe. You experienced it first-hand.
Like I said, the story isn't finished yet, and many things still remain to be addressed, but they'll be addressed in a way and in time to work with the story.
I've greatly enjoyed this story, so I hope you keep it up.
ReplyDelete%40%3C%61%20%68%72%65%66%3D%22%23c6263371734876284993%22%3EAnonymous%3C%2F%61%3E
ReplyDeleteIm getting a google doc error for this story, if there is other links to the story out those up instead.
ReplyDeletethe ones here are dead.
Yes, it does appear these links have been sent to the moon. Damnit, this story looked promising... Guess I'll scoure the internet for it instead!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTo new readers: The early links are to google docs that aren't available, but click the last one (chapter 5) and navigate back to the previous chapters from there on FiMFiction.net
ReplyDeleteHope it doesn't take another 5 months for the next chapter to come up though.
Some parts of this story are very clever. The amazing use of blindbag ponies, for instance.
ReplyDeleteBut other parts weren't just tasteless, but pointless. If even Twilight knows mind control spells (the want-it spell) and if Discord can do mind control out the wazoo, I'm pretty sure that Celestia and Luna could have persuaded the Batarian that he wanted nothing better than to help them out. And there were certainly plenty of dead bodies underground, so no vivisection was necessary for any scientific purpose.
All-carnivore ponies is a silly concept. Horses have pretty good stomachs, so they can eat a little meat. But the quantities you're talking would just be undigestible, and certainly it would be silly not to cook it. Why don't you just have them eating a nice boiled blood/oatmeal haggis? It would make more sense.
Basically, this is the author being tasteless and grimdark for very little reason. It would be a lot more creepy for ponies to conquer the galaxy with smiles and apologies than otherwise.
I can understand making a Mass Effect direct crossover grimdark. There's a lot of grimdark stuff in the game.
ReplyDeleteBut making it significantly more grimdark than the game, and having the grimdark come FROM THE PONY SIDE, is laughing in the face of believability.
I can understand this being the concept in your head you wanted to write about, but if you are going to deviate from canon and characterization to this degree, you can't expect this story to have "Mass Appeal".
I rather liked this story, and I can actually see where the author is coming from on some aspects of the pony-side Grimdarkness. I especially liked the cleverness that was feeding the Knightmares raw meat; that's actually training them to get used to the taste of flesh and blood, more of which they will be tasting when using those new flesh-rending fangs to fight against other aliens, if and when it comes to that.
ReplyDeleteAll of the things that are depicted from the pony side seem to be stemming from Celestia's and Luna's experiences with other hostile alien races, and they're just deeply (and vigorously) examining their potential enemies' technology and weaponry to figure out defenses against them. Although it seems like a bit of a stretch of the imagination to have the sisters instantly become aggressive over the thought of aliens once again coming to Equestria, being the immortal goddess-princesses of ponykind that they are, I'd imagine it'd be warranted if they went through something similar before.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
First time posting... I'm actually unable to read this fic. Googledocs says that it's violating some form of the Terms of Service or summat
ReplyDelete@Draconis
ReplyDeleteYeah, about that: just go to the last chapter posted (Chapter 5). That will take you to FiMFiction. From there, just navigate back to the first chapter.
This barely deserves a sci-fi tag at this moment. In all aspects it's fantasy with some modern words thrown in without even a hint of attempt to make them stick together. And if you haven't stuck in 1970th sci-fi you'll find most occurrences annoying. At best it's about the level of "it's magic I ain't gonna explain anything" at worst it's plainly ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteIf you skip thru the almost non-existent sci- part you'll end up with a decent 4-star fantasy story.
Is anyone else getting an error that says you can't access the document because it's in violation of Google's Terms of Service?
ReplyDelete^ this
ReplyDelete@iheartfornax
ReplyDeleteIf you're going with the Tyrant Celestia meme instead of an actual characterization for her, yes it makes sense. But the benevolent ruler we've seen, the one who cares enough about mortal lives to take down her own sister but instead of killing her enemies starts a thousand year Gambit to cure them? The one who takes in and cares for little fillies who destroy her palace in a magical outburst and personally teaches them control? Every time we've seen the Princess she tends to be a bit of a troll, but in every place where it matters she's a bleeding saint.
There's a big difference between 'grimdark because bad things happen to good people, those you care about might be hurt or killed, and things are generally gritty and pessimistic' and 'grimdark because I want to write something grimdark, so get ready to see your favorite pastel ponies murdering, torturing, and eating anyone who annoys them!'
Celestia would not torture. She would be very unlikely to kill, and it would only be under circumstances where there was not a better option. Memory magic is a much more effective option in an interrogation (especially since Jack Bauer interrogation techniques never work in the real world), there are plenty of ways to study something without cutting them open, and ponies could build a prison that'd hold an angry Krogan.