[Normal] Luna! Instant-five-stars, more like.
Author: Mr. Jack
Description: The evil force that created Nightmare Moon was purified by the Elements of Harmony, but dark magic is not so easily erased. A tiny fragment still remains, banished within the Everfree Forest, and it will do whatever it takes to get Princess Luna back.
The Lingering Nightmare Part 1
The Lingering Nightmare Part 2
The Lingering Nightmare Part 3
The Lingering Nightmare Part 4
The Lingering Nightmare Part 5
The Lingering Nightmare Part 6
The Lingering Nightmare Part 7
The Lingering Nightmare Part 8
The Lingering Nightmare Part 9
The Lingering Nightmare Part 10 (New!)
Additional tags: Long, Magic, Villain, Drama, Symbiont
235 comments:
CEREAL
ReplyDeleteAPPLE BLOOM IS PINNED TO THE TOP
Unpin Applebloom!
ReplyDeleteyeah.... appleblooms pinned, and luna isn't. fix this.
ReplyDeletePoor Fluttershy...
ReplyDeleteThis story is looking quite decent so far. Definitely looking forward to the next chapter.
How delicious, a story about me after setting my sister's pet against her friends last night. I'm flattered.
ReplyDeleteAh crap! I can't believe I forgot the Derpy Hooves tag when I submitted this.
ReplyDeleteHell ya! Finally an awesome Nightmare Moon story! Love it!
ReplyDelete... The sun burned it up while I was reading it... WTF...
ReplyDeleteNightmare Moon story? Hells yes!
ReplyDeleteIt did WHAT?!
ReplyDeleteCELESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Poor Fluttershy!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read the rest of this!
Nightmare Shy is best pony. YOU WILL ALL LOVE ME! FOREVER!
ReplyDeleteAll hail the All Powerful Nightmare Shy! Please excuse me for not bowing but I'd prefer not to get burned by the surface of the sun...
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading the first part... why is there no second part to read yet?? DDD8
ReplyDeleteI've never written fanfiction before so I wanted to get a reaction on this one before I decided if I wanted to keep the story going. So far the response has been very encouraging.
ReplyDelete@ a href #c5101086522461763469 >Dusk /a>
ReplyDeleteReally... that's ok. I guess. If you don't want to.
I mean..
wait.
YOU WILL ALL LOVE ME MY PRETTIES!!!
I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE! ALL OF YOU. EVEN YOU DASH YOU SHOULDN'T DASH EVERYWHERE LIKE THAT SOMEPONY COULD GET HURT!
Ooh, that's deep! Continue. You must. You MUST. You MUSSST!
ReplyDelete@Mr. Jack Please please continue it! I hardly ever read fanfiction at all and when I do I rarely expect very much, but this story sincerely has me craving for more since its giving us more than just a shipping story and I'm actually interested in the plot.
ReplyDeleteI'm super impressed if this is your first crack at a fanfic btw @___@
Once again please continue it... as soon as possible.. ..like... tomorrow XD;;
I'm not gonna lie, I couldn't make it through this one. The story seemed like it might have something going on with it but, I couldn't make it...
ReplyDeleteTry to focus on the giving the characters some kind of depth and originality before using them like pawns for plot fullfillment. They were utter archetypes.
This is pretty great.
ReplyDeleteI forsee a physical conflict with Rainbow Dash and or Applejack the way this is going. They are both strong willed ponies and won't go down with out a fight.
ReplyDeleteOh, this was very good. I eagerly anticipate the next chapter.
ReplyDelete@Nightmare Shy
ReplyDeleteYou're supposed to be me? Hmph, I suppose you'll have to do, but really the whole symbiote thing? You'll soon find out that even a body under your control is more dead weight than a body of your own.
It is nice to see myself as a presence outside of the recesses of that little foal's mind, just wish I weren't so desperate about it...
And Nightmare Shy, I heard you had such the delicious laugh when you went mad during the Gala. Keep practicing that, it really will suit you.
@Mr. Jack
ReplyDeleteFirst, poor Fluttershy :(, like people say. ;)
Second, I must say that the ''corruption scene(s)'' of Fluttershy were pretty well done. They were 'tuned' to her personality.
I wonder what will happen next ?
Morale of the story : Even if it's an ''animal'', never go near bubbling oozing mass of black stuff, they are nasty ''critters''. :)
O_O
ReplyDeleteWill there be a part two?
I'm working on part two. It's turning out to be significantly longer than part one. But I'm gonna finish the darn thing.
ReplyDeletePart 2 is 20 pages so far. It's a lot more than I was planning but I don't want to half-ass it. So help me, though, I'm either going to complete this story or drag it through the afterlife like Marley's chains. Hopefully the length won't put off too many readers.
ReplyDeleteWow, a very promising first chapter, keep up the good work and you will get 6 stars, I'm sure!
ReplyDeletebtw. If Noctis decides to change the host, I totally demand an epic mind battle between him and Pinkamina inside Pinkie's brain. Or will they team up and conquer Eqestria?
...
SECOND CHAPTER NOW!!1!1!
Is there a way to change or add labels? I've included every main pony at this point, so having it just say Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack is a bit misleading.
ReplyDeleteStrange, I thought Noctus would suddenly find Pinkie's and Pinkamena's separate personalities inside her head the moment he fused with her...
ReplyDeleteAs fun as it is to play up Pinkamena as being a second personality, it is not how I personally interpret her, at least for this story. I consider Pinkie Pie and Pinkamena to be more like separate identities than actual personalities. Noctis does indeed have all of Pinkie's memories and knows about her strict upbringing. However, I didn't really want to write Pinkamena as a separate entity inside Pinkie's head. Pinkamena is simply what happens when Pinkie's sadness and insecurities get the better of her.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I have nothing against other writers or artists who like to imagine that Pinkie has multiple personalities.
Oh. My. Lord.
ReplyDeleteI've never hated any character as much as I hate Noctis right now.
You're an incredible writer.
Need new fictag: [Disturbing]
ReplyDeleteThis is nowhere near Grimdark or Sad, but it's incredibly unsettling nonetheless.
Thank you for the praise! I try not to think too highly of my own writing, lest I get a swelled head, but if there's one thing I like to believe I do pretty well it's make some really loathsome villains ;)
ReplyDeleteReally digging this and can't wait to see where you go with it. But I second others in that it would have been very interesting if Pinkamena was a separate personality that interacted with Noctis.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I was hoping that it'd choose Pinkie last, and then right before succeeding and returning to Luna, Pinkamena gets "unlocked" and purges Noctis single-hoofedly. But then, I'm a sucker for anticlimactic twist endings.
Still, wouldn't make for a bad spoof...
Anyway, you've hooked another reader. I think I may have an idea of where you're (actually) going with this, and I am eagerly anticipating the next installment. Great work!
one comment/Word; MOAR.
ReplyDeleteYaaaay! Another update!!
ReplyDeleteI am severely angry for what Noctis did to Fluttershy but mostly I'm angry at how Fluttershy mistook him for a Guardian Angel. That's just adding insult to injury.
I'm super excited to read the next part. Also, despite it being horrible, I am curious to see how Noctis will try and "get" to the other ponies.
Also, I want to read more about how Pinkie leaving will affect the other ponies and what they will make of this!
Also... Pinkie Pie's dad seems like a dillweed. >:(
He is kind of intimidating, isn't he? Though honestly he could just be the big quiet type ala Big Mac.
ReplyDeleteI am loving this fic, it's so good!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see how Pinkie's departure affects the others.
You write Noctis so damn well. I swear I want to punch the bastard.
ReplyDelete"Hey! I heard you like parties so we put a party in your party so you can par-tay while you par-taaay!"
ReplyDeleteThat was one of the best laughs I've had in a while.
Need a new tag:
ReplyDeleteFUCKIN' BRUTAL.
MOAR plz
@Nightmare Moon your pet? your PET?! YOUR PET!!!!! THAT WAS NEARLY MY MOST PERFECT PUPET!!!!!!! YOU WILL PAY WITH THE LIFE OF YOUR ENTIER SPEASHES!!!!!! YOU WILL REMEMBER THE NAME MANTY FOR IT WILL BE THE NAME OF YOUR DESTROYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete@Manty fond ya bitch dont keep such a close eye on your er, pupets. this time I made you a physic tlakanesis prison thing. wont be worping out of this one.
ReplyDeletenice fanfic! Er was manty some preview thing or a hater trying to mess it up.
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent material. The advent of demonic possession as a plot basis makes a good platform for rich dialogue and deep psychological character exploration, and so far the way you've taken advantage of this with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie has made it a very convincing fanfic. It looks very promising, and I just CAN'T WAIT for more.
ReplyDelete@Mr. Jack if i die I want you to finish this
ReplyDeleteI hope Noctis gets what's coming to it, and I hope it gets it *HARD!!!* D-:{
ReplyDeleteI suspect he's going to have Noctis leave midflight in her moment of exaltation and kill Rainbow Dash... hope he doesn't as poor Dashie really doesn't deserve the abuse she gets and that'd probably get me to stop reading the fic.
ReplyDeleteThen Noctis did say earlier that might be to suspicious so he may be satisfied with the pure ego monstrosity he's created.
Only 3 parts in and this is obviously (to me) one of the most well written stories on this site.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
Always been a fan of "bad guy" perspectives...and yours is well written.
Loving it so far.... PLEASE continue :)
*Doesn't even finish reading the chapter before writing:* Oh bitch... you are NOT messing with my Home pony Rainbow Dash are you?!
ReplyDelete*finishes chapter*
...Oh you have so got to die.
*coughs*
Anyway.. this is probably the first chapter where I'm starting to wish Noctis would jump off a bridge and I'm starting to dread him instead of just watching curiously at what he's gonna do.
So good job on that one XD you're getting me emotionally involved.
Rainbow Dash is my favourite, so I truly really hope she will regain her strength and speed, but at the same time I don't want her to make deals with the devil to be able to do it. I just want Dash to be whole again :'(
Great Chapter. Also, I loved they way this was written if that makes any sense. Not just what was written but they way you wrote it.
Waiting for next Chapter eagerly.
You could make the argument that Noctis is teaching important lessons to the ponies, but it is doing so in excessively cruel and misleading ways. Fluttershy's has grown to believe that her friends don't really like her while she continues to be who she is. She is changing herself not because she wants to, but believes she must if she wants to deserve to have her friends. Pinkie is going back to work on the farm, but because she has been led to believe she no longer HAS friends. There might be nuggets of wisdom in there somewhere, but it is surrounded by lies and deceit.
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel you, Stryke. I think poor Dash gets killed off too much too. As dark as this story can be, I'm trying to keep it away from Grimdark. That doesn't mean there's no risk though. Noctis is about to seriously raise the stakes. Stay tuned.
This fic is great. I love how Noctis is appealing to everypony's faults and thus turning them against each other.
ReplyDelete@Sun Ray
I do agree that Noctis appears to be teaching lessons to everyone. It seems to have an accidental tendency to teach its enemies lessons about themselves. (the 'Eigen plot' of episode 2 anyone? If you dont know what an Eigen plot is, look it up on "TV Tropes")
I'm honestly waiting for Noctis + Twilight. I mean, I kinda want to see what happens in all of the Mane Six. Besides, the author can still finish the story (whether Noctis dies or is victorious) after that point.
SO MUCH WANT, please give an estimate on when the part 4 will be up.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say
ReplyDeleteI really, really love that you completely subverted the unfortunate trope of Dash losing her ability to fly.
I mean yeah she's possessed and everything but when I started to read that hospital scene I groaned out loud. Pretty much every semi-serious to grimdark fic I've read has her losing her flight in some horrible way or another. And then you pulled this glorious shit and I love you forever.
Just saying.
Fucking. AWESOME.
ReplyDelete@matthew j. walker I survived surgery and will resume my fan made proalog but it just may not live up to this in the end.
ReplyDeleteIt just keeps getting better and better. EXCELLENT work!
ReplyDelete...But I don't think I can tolerate another instance of Noctus sneaking out the back door.
CONSARNIT RAINBOW DASH
ReplyDeleteDAGNABBIT DAGGIT NAB DAG DUG GONNIT NUGGET--
Hmm... Interesting...
ReplyDeleteCant wait to see more i mean.
At least some proper use of
grounded/crashed RD motive.
The author really took a big risk with Rainbow Dash... breaking her and making her almost/not enable to fly (no fans like that)... but Nightmare fixed her, making her into a Super Dark Dash.
ReplyDeleteWhat will happen next ? Will the sonic rainboom alerts Celestia ? Who will be the Pony to see that something isn't going right around town ?
All and more in the next episode of DBZ ! ...wait, that's not right ?
I must say what you did with dash was pretty clever. At first I felt uncomfortable with it of course but i'm glad I read to the end. Not only does what happened put more of dashes trust into Noctus but it can possibly make her ego uncontrollable.
ReplyDeleteI can already picture how Noctis will deal with Rarity. And now after part 4 I can see what could happen to Twilight.
ReplyDeleteBut I can only assume.
What do you think will happen? I'm not going to tell you if you're right, of course, but I'm curious about your theory.
ReplyDelete@Mr. Jack
ReplyDeleteMy theory is that Noctis will simply make Rarity believe that either "nopony" appreciates her, or something along those lines. Or maybe make her jealous.
While for Twilight, I will assume he'll have enough power he got from the others to force her under his control.
But... but... but...
ReplyDeleteCan I kill Noctis? With fire? Maybe lemons...
It's just wrong to do that to Pinkie.
And I'm only on part 2... I must read, but I will regret it.
This was necessary because of rainbows narcissistic monologue...
ReplyDeleteWINNING
Yay! More updates!
ReplyDelete*sighs* Good try Applejack *hugs her*
Anyway, Once again liking this so very much! I really like how you're stopping from getting stale by letting the rest of the ponies slowly realise something's going on.
And of course my love for Applejack just raised by 20%
Also, LOOOOVE for Big Mac!! I love that guy and it's always awesome to see him kicking butt and being awesome.
*cracks whip* Now write the next part!!
Wow. Chapter 4 was a huge, huge step up. The action scene was extremely intense.
ReplyDeleteGood heavens, Mr. Jack, you've outdone yourself again in this incredible fanfic! So full of surprises and new twists!
ReplyDeletePlease do me a favor and take long, relaxing walks, make your showers twice as long, spend more time daydreaming and reminding yourself of how awesome you are. I want you to be relaxed and happy, so that you can come up with the best possible way to continue and eventually conclude this grand tale.
The mark of a good writer is that he can make you well and truly hate a villain. I have to say, I don't think I have hated any villains more than I hate Noctis. Good job, Mr. Jack, good job.
ReplyDeleteMOAR PLEASE!
I commend you sir for what you have created.
ReplyDeleteThe corruption of each Element so far has been believable, the fact that this Noctis creature instills in me a deep and utter loathing...how you managed to orchestrate Applejack's fall from grace...
Everything fits. Well...almost anything. I do have odd questions about how making Fluttershy more outgoing but less self-accepting makes her less kind. Sometimes the tack that Noctis takes does not quite match up with the exact opposite; on the other hand there's no way that you could have manipulated Fluttershy into the Cruel Mistress of Everfree.
All in all, smooth work.
Fluttershy's flaw isn't that she is unkind to other ponies, it's that she's unkind to the pony who probably needs it the most: herself. Her shyness and social awkwardness come from a lack of confidence, which arises when someone is their own harshest critic. Fluttershy may have suddenly turned into a party pony, but it isn't because she has self-confidence now, it's because she has been led to believe that the quiet, timid pony she still is deep down is completely worthless.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that technically hurting her insecurity more instead of helping her get over it?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but I refuse to see any good in Noctis' actions. The ends don't justify the means (I'm not being angry at Mr. Jack in any way, I'm just annoyed that some people think Noctis' actions shouldn't be judged too harshly)
This story is awsome, although it's probably the one story where i've really felt hate for someone in them, damn that noctis!
ReplyDeletebut great work all in all! can't wait for the next part...
>It had been three weeks.
ReplyDelete-THREE weeks ?!
...Don't you think that this delay is a bit much too large, between the events ?
3 weeks of Dark Rainbow Dash, 3 Weeks of extra sad-depressed Pinky Pie, 3 weeks of Fluttershy strained personality...
Less time would be more reasonable (a week, a week and a half ?) and also suppose way less probable events that could/should have occured (or not occured) during that time... and why Noctis waited ALL that time and didn't tried any new plans for AJ during that time ?
Also, Applejack didn't think for a second to see Twilight during those ''3 weeks'' ? (more potential holes because of the the huge space of time, see ?)
...Also, RD's element being corrupted... How ?
In order to be corrupted, doesn't RD has to act NOT-loyal ?
She bragged, yes, but she's still loyal to her friends... It doesn't add up ?
...and will Honesty be corrupted JUST because AJ accepted HELP to SAVE her family ?
Some details don't compute...
I had a similar thought about maybe going back and changing the time span slightly before sending it in, but I was pretty tired when I finished the thing and I must have forgotten all about it before submitting. I would change it now, but it seems like it would be cheating.
ReplyDeleteAs for AJ, for a while she thinks she has a disease, and I figured she'd be a little too proud to go admitting that out loud if it didn't affect her ability to work. That's my personal interpretation anyway.
Regarding the corruption in general, the idea isn't so much to make them into the exact opposite of what they are, but to use their doubts and flaws to drive them to a point where they are willing to accept evil power. Once they do that, they're no longer pure. I thought about doing the polar opposites thing, but in some cases it just seemed like it would make the ponies act so out of character that it would be weird to read. That's just me, anyway. Sorry if I led you to think otherwise.
@Mr. Jack
ReplyDeleteI see what you mean... for the most part.
Adaptating and correcting a story isn't cheating (strange choice of word there ?), it's, well, it is what is it : Adaptating and correcting your story to fit better.
It's not a complicated phylosophical thing, here.
(and it's only changing 1 or 2 words ??)
And for AJ, >willing to accept evil power<... Well, she does it to SAVE lives, yes ?
...meh... I guess it's only the ''action'' to ''accept'' that counts, and not the reason behind it ? ...still...
I'm pretty new to this fanfic writing thing. Didn't really know if it was considered taboo to make changes to something that's already posted after receiving criticism. I guess it is only a few words in this case, oh well.
ReplyDeleteAnd while AJ did accept the offer for noble reasons, the fact of the matter is that she could have probably avoided the need to do so entirely if she had been honest with her family and done something about her "disease" instead of lying about it because she needed to be the rock. Maybe I could have conveyed that better, I dunno. This whole project has been a learning experience for me.
An excellent story. Extremely funny in places, and tragic in others.
ReplyDeleteOne the one hand, I want to commend Noctis on it's masterful manipulation of it's hosts, a task that is getting progressively harder. On the other hand, I want to drag it out, pin it down and burn it's dirty little soul to cinders under the white-hot fire of infinite wrath, for cruelly messing with our favourite ponies...
Awaiting the next chapter eagerly...
And so now the Great and Powerful Trixie is being dragged into Noctis' plot...Manure is getting real
ReplyDeleteso much want for moar.
ReplyDeleteI think we can now say that the balloon has gone up and dropped the other shoe on the trigger for the catapult flinging the midden into the windmill.
ReplyDeleteAll hail Nightmare Moon!
ReplyDeleteI hate you so much right now this last chapter has elements of things I'm writing in my own fic but none the less. Good update good update certainly Badass
ReplyDelete@Anonymous Too add on that I'd like to say I stil intend on publishing it.
ReplyDeleteBy all means, publish it. I hesitated on this story myself after I saw some similar themes in other stories, but I'm glad I went through with it in the end.
ReplyDeleteI don't really like it that now Noctis is abandoning any traces of subtlety (I actually liked his/her/its stealthiness and turning everypony against one another), but whatever happens, I hope the end will be EPIC!
ReplyDeleteWhy the hell doesn't Twilight ask Celestia for help? Seriously, her first idea is to break into a forbidden library and she doesn't even think about a single alternative? This seemed highly illogical to me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what exactly does Twilight plan to do with this new found knowledge? I mean, it's not like she now has anything in her hooves to defeat the evil. She still only knows that there is an evil force corrupting her friends and she has no idea what to do about it. What good would it do, to warn rarity now? She needs to find out how to defeat it and she can't do it alone, so going to rarity is about the worst thing she could do now.
Also, I think it's good you decreased the time, Noctis spent in Applejacks body, but it still seems too much. A lot could happen in two weeks (I doubt, Pinkie could still stand two weeks of rock farming) and Noctis seemed smarter than to take that long to come up with a new plan.
"Why the hell doesn't Twilight ask Celestia for help? Seriously, her first idea is to break into a forbidden library and she doesn't even think about a single alternative? This seemed highly illogical to me."
ReplyDeleteThis. Millions of this.
This is the stupidest thing.
Requiring Twilight to overlook the obvious action of SENDING A LETTER TO PRINCESS CELESTIA for the sake of the plot is lazy and it's bad writing. If you have to have a character act in a way contrary to their own logic, what you've done needs to be reworked. Honestly, this is pretty close to being a deal-breaker for this fic for me, I do hate to say. At least everything else had maintained characterizations, but really? Come ON.
It's especially jarring because the fic was going so well until now. Noctis was a great villain, but going from "This is really good" to "I think I strained my eyes rolling them so hard" is just disappointing.
I also asked myself why Twlight did't ask Celestia. One possibility? She may simply have let her concern stop her thinking straight (not like she's not done that before!) and sent away her fastest means of communication. Spike aside, it may not be that easy to get to Celestia quickly (or at least Twilight might not think that it is), and she's too worried to want to try and have to wait.
ReplyDeleteIt would be helpful to mention this somewhere in the story to close that minor plothole, though.
Otherwise, I like Noctis' steady escalation. It was inevitable, it wasn't going to be able to pull off all six without coming a cropper eventually (as it did).
Looking foward to the continuation.
I was going to explain Twilight's behavior later but it seems to be really bugging people so here's the abridged version:
ReplyDeleteThis is not the first time Twilight has tried to handle something herself because she didn't want to trouble or disappoint the princess. Remember the parasprites? Really, there a lot of things Celestial could fix that Twilight never asked her to. Her desire not to lose Celestias favor sometimes overwhelms her sense, and asking about evil magic is a pretty big taboo. She couldnt give real specifics even if she did ask because all she knew were that ponies were acting strange and having accidents. So somewhere she knows that she will have to ask eventually, but she needed to know what she even has to ask for.
As a more practical problem, Celestia IS a princess, and as such is probably very busy. Twilight can't just walk in and see her whenever she pleases. Spike was pretty much her direct line to Celestia. Her intention was to write her after knowing Rarity was safe, but having Spike leave threw a wrench into it.
Of course, if you interpret Twilight differently this might not suffice for you, but there it is.
Also, that reply was typed on a phone. Please excuse the typos.
ReplyDeletePeople are way too hard. Some things, like the one comment about Twilight not being in character because she didn't alert Celestia is just nitpicking at a wonderful Fanfic. I take my hat off for you, Mr Jack, and the way you graciously handle all the critique you get - both fair and less fair. With a few more revisits, and clarifications such as those you've given in the comments section, I am sure that this will be just as plothole-free as it is epic!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the awesome work. I check in every day just to see if you've updated. It's just that awesome - wellwritten, engaging, well thought out, lovely characterizations, and Noctis... oh Noctis. I'm a sucker for bad guys, and this one I love just as much as I hate it.
Looking forward to next part!!
@Mr. Jack
ReplyDeleteSorry, I still don't buy it. At least after she found out what is behind all this, Twilight should realize that it is bigger than she could handle. Twilight learns from her mistakes, so the parasprite episode argument doesn't really work for me. Celestia may be busy and Twilight doesn't want to disturb her, but the return of an even more powerful Nightmare moon might be a bit more important...
Also, unfortunately this is not the only time the characters in the story act like this. The thought process is sometimes shown, but quite often only to legitimate an illogical course of action that will be beneficial for the plot.
It just irks me, that this whole drama that you've got going here could be avoided if just a single one (!) be it Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, or Twilight would have just stopped once and asked someone else for help. It seems like a bad action movie, where the hero runs into a really obvious trap alone, instead of say, informing someone where he will be.
However, I must say that you do write the villain a lot better. Noctis acts a lot more believable and I can't wait to see the shit beaten out of him :)
>It had been weeks since Rainbow Dash had put herself into near-seclusion
ReplyDelete-Week *S* ? ...still went for the LARGE 3weeks gap between the events ?
Let's just hope -nothing- happened during those ''21 days''... sure was a quiet month, apparently ? (well, except for Pinky Pie mysteriously leaving, and RD's near death and extremely miraculous recovery, that is...)
>“Long story” he replied plainly. “May I come in? Reckon I need to talk to you.”
-GAH! Somepony thought of doing something and finally talk about what's going on !
...also, I can't help but seriously scratch my head on this whole thing, after Big Mac spoke to Twilight...
No, really. Did Twilight alredy forgot -Absolutely- everything about Nightmare Moon ?
Sure, she might be 100% SURE that she was destroyed, but *IT* is still a *reference*, about dark stuff and acting bad and being controled...
One would have thought that she would remember those important details ?
...also, why can't Twilight simply place a request to Celestia to access the restricted part of the ''Library'' ?
I'm pretty sure Celestia would be pretty interested to know that ''something'' is making ponies not act good and/or not like their usual self...
>Horn? Is that you?
-That, it's somewhat funny I would say. (I still remember that one episode ;) )
...Rarity has a pretty weird and vague reaction to everything happening ?
>and Rainbow Dash was an even bigger egomaniac than usual ...yeah... Right after almost horribly dieing and a god-like miraculous and instantaneous healing ? (really ? nopony is more surprised by THAT ? Is that a normal occurance ?)
>Unfortunately, it was black, the ugliest of all gem colors.
-Oh Rarity... Obsidian black is an awesome color... and 'black' goes with everything.
>Over 1000 years ago, when Equestria was ruled over by the prince and princess
-Maybe it's just me, but shouldn't this be a bit farther/older ?
Since, you know, 1000Years ago Celestia and Luna already ruled the land, before Luna became Nightmare Moon.
>“Rarity!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle
>“She’s in danger! I have to get back to Ponyville!”
-...and not warn Celestia that a OMEGA-SUPER-DUPER Evil thing might be corrupting and threatening everypony ! (Really not Twilight's finest day, that's for sure ?)
(Lots of details and ''points'' ( > ), I know... I guess most of them are just me thinking and wondering... ?)
Hoo boy. Okay, I have a response to your questions but it will have to wait until I have more time.
ReplyDeleteOkay, here is my in-depth answer.
ReplyDelete1) It's two weeks now, not three weeks. I changed it after it was pointed out to me. That might still seem like a while, but bear in mind that during those two weeks AJ had stopped Noctis in its tracks until it decided to try something desperate and thus blow its own cover, so no further strange activity had been going on. Dash has been absorbed in her project and Pinkie Pie had been a rock farmer all her life before getting her cutie mark, so going back to the farm for two weeks doesn't really strike me as that unusual. Remember that the ponies DID try to get her back after she left and as far as they knew she didn't want to return. Twilight did try to research Dash's recovery, but she couldn't come up with an answer from her own texts. Since her friend getting better is a good thing, it's not necessarily something everyone would tirelessly pursue.
2) No pony but Luna and Celestia really knew how Nightmare Moon worked until Twilight became the third to know by reading the book. All that is common knowledge is that Luna went bad one day and tried to create eternal night. Nightmare Moon actually didn't even work the same way that Noctis is manipulating the mane cast right now. I'd explain more but it's best to save that for a future chapter. The point is, until Twilight learned otherwise in the restricted section, Nightmare Moon wasn't thought of as a mind slave, just a princess that had made a big mistake. Twilight suspects that at least some of the Elements are being used to corrupt ponies, not that they're actually coming together as she sits there in the library.
3) Twilight could ask to be let into the restricted section. She could do a lot of things that would solve her problems more easily if she was just willing to put aside her fear of upsetting Celestia. To me, that is Twilight's biggest flaw. Her fear of losing Celestia's favor can and has driven her to do some dumb things, even in the show itself. It's happened more than once, too.
4) 1000 years is correct. The book acknowledges Nightmare Moon as a real event and not a myth, which means it was written a long time ago. If the book had been written around the same time Twilight read it, then it would have said between 1500 to 2000 years ago.
5) Remember that we as readers know a lot more than Twilight does. She is aware of the Elements of Chaos, but not how they're being used or that the sixth element in itself is an intelligent being responsible for everything that's occurred. The book tells her a lot but it doesn't tell her everything, nor does she realize just how dire things have truly gotten. On top of that, her expectation was to quickly find Rarity in Ponyville, get her someplace safe, and then immediately use Spike to instantly send Celestia a letter. Losing that line of communication was something she did not anticipate.
I guess this is just a problem with releasing stories bit by bit. Some of this stuff I fully intended to elaborate on in future installments, but since I'm the only one that knows everything about it from the start I guess it can be confusing to everyone else.
As far as ponies acting illogical, yes. They are acting illogical. Noctis made sure of that. It is well aware that if they start talking to each other the jig is up, so it has been breaking down their spirits and their faith in each other as friends using their own doubts and fears. Plus, if someone came up to you one day and said they heard voices in their head, how ready would you be to believe them? You could argue that the presence of magic makes it more believable, but I've never spotted any unicorns or even Celestia herself using actual telepathy, so I'm pretty much treating it as the behavior of a nutcase when Noctis isn't responsible.
ReplyDeleteI realize all this may still not be satisfactory to everyone, but hopefully it will at least shine some light on the thought process I used.
Huge shout out to Mr. Jack for taking the time to respond to the readers!
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying this story so please keep having fun and continue to bring us awesome content!
i see it as the elements of harmony ARE the elements of chaos each of the elements have a dark side such as
ReplyDeletecompassion and cruelty
generosity and greed
loyalty and pride (selflessness and Selfcenterdness)
honesty and treachary
laughter and dispair
magic and darkness
Yay! More updates!
ReplyDeleteAs I said last time, I'm really really happy this story is properly fleshing itself out and not just content with the whole "What if" scenario regarding the corrupting of the Elements of harmony.
I also like the history you're building here as you go. XD and once again I'm happy to see Big Mac get some 'screen time'.
I'm a little unsure why Twilight didn't just ask for Celestia's help regarding the restricted section but I suppose we wouldn't have a story then.
Anyway! Waiting anxiously for the next part! I really wanna see how our friends get out of this mess! D:
Part 6 is going to shed some light on Twilight's issues with Celestia. I don't plan on leaving that hole.
ReplyDeleteXD;; I just read the comments (I tend to just comment right away) so I kinda understand the Celestia/Twilight issue a little better.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see a problem with Twilight's first concern being Rarity. She'd just figured out that the Elements of harmony are being targetted, and so far each person has been getting it worse and worse. And after JUST having heard about Applejack being hurt, her first thoughts would go to Rarity (So much so I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to wink all the way there)
Also, about the 1000 years thing regarding the book. I figured the book was old. It makes sense.
Anyway, sorry for repeating what every-one else had already pointed out ^^; and thanks for taking the time to reply to every-one and address their concerns!
I always thought Twilight, despite being Celestia's "Faithful student" always seemed a little intimidated by her in the show.
Oh Celestia... I hope this story ends with Noctis winning, I want evil to win for once!
ReplyDeleteI figured it out, everypony.
ReplyDeletehttp://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotBall
Noctis IS the Idiot Ball. He causes the ponies he infests to derp hopelessly as one of his powers. <_<
Chapter 6 is restricted.
ReplyDeleteSorry. I had to take down for a few minutes while I fixed something I overlooked. It should work now.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Seth or Cereal, could I get labels added for Trixie, Gilda, and Diamond Dogs?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteClear. It's all good.
This just gets better and better and better.
ReplyDeleteBest story on the site.
I'm humbled by such high praise, and I really appreciate the encouragement from all the enthusiastic readers. I have to say that part 6 put me through hell. Coordinating events required me to make up a chart, and the amount of time I took to edit the document itself was so large that it probably could have produced a whole other chapter. I had to alter certain story elements entirely once I discovered information in the show that contradicted what I originally wrote. I even caught some kind of virus and was ill for about half the time it took me to write this, but I was too stubborn to wait until I got better to finish. It was grueling, but I think your comment just made my day.
ReplyDelete*Finishes reading Part 6. Hopes Part 7 is finished soon.*
ReplyDeleteThis story is a sterling example of what fanfiction can be. It is a rare occurrence when someone can make a villain not only vile and despicable...but fascinating and dynamic enough to garner the respect (and, perhaps, the support) of the reader. Notcis is proving to be a truly incredible villain, one that I think would make a fantastic addition to the show itself. Not to mention the way the other character, like Trixie and the Diamond Dogs, have been worked into the narrative seamlessly.
ReplyDeleteMy hat it off to you, sir. Keep up the fantastic work.
Confound you MR Jack,it's me I was the anon that had similiar concepts as you but now that you have published it I think I may be able to still write it without taking the same approach as you.
ReplyDeleteAnyways on to the update fantastic I can feel the tension and Anxiety rising in Twilight. She can only take so much before she loses control of her magic and go all Rapidash on somepony. I also feel that we'll be hearing from Pinkie Pie soon enough. I think Her Pinkie Sense would be going crazy write now especially since Her friends are in Peril.
Keep the good work
,Ikusa GT
MOAR, evil trix is natural trix.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you improved quite a bit in this chapter. I still don't forgive you all illogical acts the characters made and a few choices and coincidences are just too convenient for the plot to be believable. I do hope it gets wrapped up soon though, the story might get a bit overloaded which could deprive it of its focus. Sorry if I sound overly critical, just trying to give my opinion.
ReplyDeleteFOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LIKE TO ANALYZE STUFF...
ReplyDeleteThis story deserves 6-stars!!! <3
Cant wait for the next chapter!
Not only is your characterization so spot-on I can practically hear the dialogue between characters in their own voices, but it's amazing how detailed this story is; it really is as though I'm watching an episode.
ReplyDeleteOnce I started at the first chapter, I simply had to continue.
This is really beginning to turn into a 'fic of epic proportions, and it's already one of my favorites. I cannot wait for the future installments.
Listening to Ruins of Beverast, reading part 6. AMAZING. Thank you, Mr. Jack, for giving us no less than your best efforts in writing this fanfic.
ReplyDelete>Just had me some kinda bad bug recently. Was makin’ me hear things in mah head. It’s okay, though, really.
ReplyDelete-I know Applejack is a farmer, and etc, but she's isn't stupid... Confusing a ''voice in her head'' for a virus ? A TALKING virus ? Really ?
>One sip and she’ll have back her memory
-Ahhh, dear miraculous Zecora :). What would we do without her ;).
>She’s awake” said Twilight gently, “but I don’t think this was an accident. I think somepony used dark magic to make her fall...(etc)
-By the moustache of Albert Einstein ! FINALLY ! :D
>“Oh man, I’m so stupid! I should have said something to the princess sooner!”
-I know I shouldn't find this somewhat amusing, but... HAH ! ...1 point for Logic.
>“You mean she doesn’t know ANYTHING? You never told her a single word in all this time?! Why the heck not?!”
-Why do I suddenly have this strange feeling of being observed ?
>“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just ASK Celestia if you could go in?
-Did you used our prior conversation for this part or something ? ;)
>The whining one! She has returned! Just as the prophecy foretold!
-Hehe... The Whining Prophecy ;)
>I can’t promise that any of us will be coming back from this one.
-*Raising an eyebrow*
-----
...Thinking about something there...
If something is broken, it can be repaired... If someone is corrupted, it can be redstored. But, this usually require a sample of the original ''material''.
Here, we 6 Elements, and 6 ways for the ponies to redeem themselves... 6 ways to come back in a ''kick-ass'' way ! ;) (save 1 step, since they probably don't have bubblegum)
...Yay, for future Hero Ditzy. Like the Cavalry, they are never too late or in advance, always right ON time ;)...
...They had troubles EVEN before knowing what was Noctis, and now they must face a Super Trixie, a Super Gilda, and an ''army'' of Diamond Dogs...
I'm wondering where the Main Cast could possibly find something to balance the fight a little ?
You know Nova when I read your comments I keep picturing that comic book store owner from the Simpsons sitting at his computer and typing about how the animators should be fired from Itchy and Scratchy for an uncolored eyeball in one frame.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSay the ''Anonymous'' person, heh.
Seriously... can't read and give my thoughts and theories about various elements of the stories, without having one one those ''kind'' of person popping around, that leave such ''polite'' and ''develloped'' comments...
Comments are to be read, then people think about it on their side.
It makes people think about what they may have been already thinking, or it makes them think of things they may haven't considered before.
Some may find themselves contributing to one or many of the various points, some may just read and start thinking about new stuff, and some may just shrug and go read other things...
Why do you think people read and make comments ?
To get information... Spoilers, warnings, details to think about, what to expect, what to look for, etc...
And here's a detail to entertain yourself... Analytical Chemistry Technician (job).
Wait, Mr. Jack, so you "caught some kind of virus"? Did that virus also start telling you that your friends aren't going to love you any more unless you write more ponyfic?
ReplyDelete...Maybe you should listen to it. We need moar! (But we'll still love you all the same)
It occurs to me, what with Twilight's issue with telling Celestia about the Elements of Chaos, to remember what happened the last time Twilight wrote to Celestia about an emergency situation. "You simply must stop reading those dusty old books!"
Sure, Twilight *eventually* realized that Celestia had an ulterior motive for responding like that, but that would have certainly left an impression.
I'm working on part 7, but it contains a few action scenes (which are hard to write) and one kind of surreal scene that has me wondering how people will react to it. Unfortunately I only have one beta reader, so I won't really know for sure if people will be confused by it until it's up. I guess I could always just explain it in the comments if I have to, but I try to make that necessary as rarely as possible.
ReplyDeletei think noctis and GLADoS should join forces. Who's with me? *starts clapping slowly* p.s. deadly neurotoxins
ReplyDelete@Mr. Jack
ReplyDeleteOh, please oh please oh please oh please. Post it naow! I am an big fan of this story! Come on please!!!!
I've read just the first three chapters thus far and man! Poor Fluttershy, poor Pinkie, and poor Dashy!
ReplyDeleteI'm so very eager to finish this, I'll probably be seeing Nightmare Moon in my dreams tonight.
This story is amazing
ReplyDelete*spoilers for part 7*
Loving the new Noctis after its merge with Luna. Its form being affected with how Luna thought creates an interesting dimension to the whole Noctis-Luna working together as NMM storyline.
I also liked how Noctis used Twilight's own magic to force her to comply with its wishes. I'm curious who's voice Twilight heard while being pressured by Noctis, and look forward to see if/when that subplot gets resolved.
I had no idea I could be that powerful...
ReplyDeleteEvil me scares me.
So much cliff hangers.
ReplyDeleteSpoilers
ReplyDeleteSo far I've agreed with most of the decisions you made regarding how Noctis convinces his hosts to let him in. I found Pinkie a bit dubious, you'd consider her to be perhaps the most difficult to corrupt. Then again, that just is general consensus. I'm a bit torn when it comes to her. I guess I can sorta see why you'd make her one of the easiest to corrupt as well.
Luna however, risking all of Equestria just to save Twilight... I just don't see it. Even if she is confident Noctis will never truly possess her, she never should have taken such a risk. Even Twilight might not have sacrificed Equestria for her friends if not for what I agree with Sun Ray is probably the Element of Magic, or just her magic in itself.
Still, I'd rather have this happen then this suddenly turning Grimdark. Its not really a big complaint. Overall, it looks like we are approaching the end of the story. Not sure how many chapters still, but I will be here for all of them. I have been enjoying this so far.
I'm behind on these >___< Will catch up as soon as I have time! *begs forgiveness*
ReplyDelete@Baree From what I gather Luna did sacrificed her self because she saved the world with the element of magic and she could surely do it again. If Twilight dies who knows how long it would take to find a new host.
ReplyDeleteYay! Ok I've caught up! :D
ReplyDeleteAnd things have suddenly turned EPIC! I really like that Noctis is perhaps the one villain who turns into a bubbly mess at the end who really FEELS like a monster to me based more on his actions and outlook rather than just his goals and appearance. I've very rarely encountered this in any story to be honest (I have but not very often) so I really applaud you on that.
I laos like that you can show Luna being regal and kicking ass rather than the emo low-confidence wench some fanfic writers turn her into. and kudos to her for growing a pair since she's been away from Noctis to tell him to stuff it!
Waiting to see how Twilight comes back into the tale and what happened to AJ, Spike and Rarity. As well as the final battle.
In regard to the Anon's post concerning Noctis and GLaDOS, I'd like to state that I've been reading Noctis' lines in GLaDOS' voice throughout the story, despite the periodic references to it being a more masculine entity. It just fits the character so well, being as evil as it is. (until the most recent chapter that is, had to get creative imagining how Noctis is supposed to sound now)
ReplyDeleteIn my head, while I'm writing Noctis' voice (up until it was changed by Luna) sounds like something between Arakune from Blazblue and Scarecrow from Arkham Asylum during the nightmare scenes. There's no real "correct" way to imagine it, of course. The one thing that is meant to be the same no matter what is its disconcerting nature, though.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Sun Ray
ReplyDeleteI had a whole thing typed out, assuming you were the author. Looks like that is not the case. Trust me when I say I do not see Luna as a bad pony.
Part 7 :
ReplyDelete>You know me, Dash. I’m a rebel. Ripping off wings isn’t my style. Think I’m gonna let the MAN cramp my style? Dream on.
-Hum ?
Wasn't it just last chapter that she was almost literally foaming with rage about RD ?
Even thought she would probably never ''do what Noctis said to do'', one would believe that she wouldn't be back so friendly (or at least trying to) with RD THAT quickly ?
>Noctis’ new form did not even have legs, and was merely protruding like a lump out of the pit that spawned it. It had two long, emaciated arms that ended in terrifying clawed hands. Its head was shaped like a dragon’s skull with three glowing white lights for eyes on both sides.
-Mmh... The description kinda remind me of Crocomire, from Super Metroid : http://ravenshield.deviantart.com/art/Crocomire-1160980
Anyone else see it ?
>Many ponies were intimidated by her.
-Well, they both are Goddesses-like Princesses... It kinda comes with the ''job''.
---------------
Well... hmm... ok , ok, this Chapter was good (not that the others weren't, contrary to what SOME people might have thought I said... which I never 'said/written'. Seriously.).
It was certainly better than the previous one, that's for sure.
...flowed more smoothly than some of the other chapters.
Maybe because there was way less bumps on the road, and less small holes to trip on...
All that is left, really, are the pieces that were placed around the 'board', around 1 maybe 2hours (supposed time it took her) before Noctis came to Luna.
-The still remaining 'threats' of Gilda, Trixie, and the Diamond Dogs' ''Army''.
-The 'current' location and Health of the Main Cast.
2 relatively clear sets, each one to do something during the time it took Noctis to reach the castle, and both to culminate somewhere during Celestia-Noctis 's fight.
So... it got more interesting.
When is part 8 coming out?
ReplyDeleteI'm currently working on part 8, but a sizable portion of it is pretty much a fight between two nearly godlike beings, which is pretty damn hard to write. Action scenes were already hard as is, but seeing that Celestia is the most powerful pony in the world and Noctis is the most powerful evil in the world, it's quite a challenge to take magic of that level and make it sufficiently creative and epic. I imagine that readers who have been following this story are probably expecting this battle to take things up to 11, and I don't want to disappoint. I know I always hate it when a series builds up a huge battle between two extremely powerful characters and then it ends up being a totally underwhelming letdown. I'm making progress, though. It will be done before too long.
ReplyDeleteThe most amazing realization happened to me here. My dad does the same type of mocking noctis does. He made me go to the brink of insanity. I wanted to kill myself. It is hard to believe that it was only 3 years ago I suffered the same type of mocking noctis makes. As a side note, the paragraphs where noctis mocks is similar to GlaDos in the Fanfic Through Science and Ponies
ReplyDeleteFUCK YES! Celestia vs. Noctis. This is going to be so awesome! *RD face*
ReplyDeleteMr. Jack, thanks for writing this brilliant fic. I hate Noctis, really, really hate him. I've only read the fic tonight, but it's been excellent. I can't wait for part eight. I had to rate 5/5, but I think it's worth a 6.
10$ Dollars it's taking longer because he's weighing the opinions of redeeming Noctis into a good essence or destroying him completely.
ReplyDeletePart 8 is done actually. Just waiting for it to show up here.
ReplyDeleteYAY UPDATE
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS STORY XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Lumina, lolwat.
ReplyDelete>previous comment
ReplyDeleteDidn't mean it to sound rude, it just made me chuckle, aside from that, I LOVE WHERE THIS STORY IS GOING.
Yeah, fantastic fic. Fight scene between Noctis and Celestia was epic! But I also adored the scene between Pinkie and her father.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous At this point Noctis has to be eliminated. He absorbed Luna. Banished Celestia and is threatening to the destroy the entire world.
ReplyDeleteI must say the Scene between Pinkie and father was heartwarming. The fight scene was intense.
Time for Ridiculous Speculation :Spirit Bomb jk lol
Keep up the good work
You know, I wonder, if when all is said and done, and Fluttershy finds out that she's the one who set the ball rolling, she'll tear off her Element necklace, renounce her avatar of Kindness.... and try to kill herself in despair....
ReplyDeleteSweet Dreams, kiddies... :D :D :D
This has got to be the best fic I have ever read. It should also be labled as normal/sad, cause it made me cry... I mean many tear!
ReplyDelete*Sigh*
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought we were approaching the end 2 or 3 chapters ago. Guess I was wrong.
I suppose it could be seen as a bad thing to want a story to end. But really... I just want to see the ponies catch a break you know? Pinkie's bit was a much needed break from all the depressing stuff, but yeah... After that we dove right back in. If I may be so bold... do you have a rough estimate as to how many chapters we might expect?
Huh. Deus Ex Machina FTW?
ReplyDeleteWow this is getting pretty epic. I thought I new how the story was going to end, and that the end was near, but you have taken it in direction I was not expecting. Really excited to see what happens next.
ReplyDeleteI like how the story was mostly told from the villain's perceptive. I have not read many stories (MLP fan fics or otherwise) that have done that. Noctis and the Elements of Chaos were a nice and unique addition to the Nightmare Moon story. The characters all felt in sync. I am guessing that Lumina is the good counterpart to Noctis. I am very interested in seeing where you go from here.
Without giving an exact number, we're a little past the halfway point. I know the ponies have been put through a lot of hard times, and it may seem pretty bleak, but something to remember is that they are not going to give up no matter what. Even if the odds against them are a million to one, they're going to put their all into that one chance they have. That's why Celestia put her faith in them.
ReplyDeleteDon't believe in yourself, believe in me who believes in you?
ReplyDelete@Mr.Jack:
ReplyDeleteSo I'm guessing the story will end around chapter 12 or so. I have to say this is one of my favorite stories on EQD. I like the tender moment Pinkie had with her father. Also, Noctis may seem all powerful but with Luna's body rejecting him he's still a messy abomination that can be beaten.
I do wonder...why didn't Twilight include Fluttershy in her plans when she noticed something was wrong.
H̊ͤͣ̄̎̈́ͫ̊e̫͍͍͍̹̟̞̱̋͊͗̓̉ͨ͗͟ͅ ̵͇̪̤̣̩̙͈̖͚̓͌̇̒͌ͧ͆Ĉ͕͍̫ͭ͒́͗͢͢ͅo̢͚̟̟̺̭̻ͪͧ̒̍̔̄ͯm͎͎̖̲̥͛͋̒ę̥͈̗͍͔͇͍̖̿ͣ̚
ReplyDeleteŅ̞̺̙̤̻̪̗̙̅̾̋̎ͥ̽ͯ̀o̴̜͍̅ͩ͘c̶͉͔̤̳̲ͦͥͤͥ̿̒̈ͪͅt͕̖̿̒ͪ̀̌̊̔͑ȉ̃ͩͫ̉̀̚s̡͖̗̣̥͕͓̝̉͂͌̑̈́̏͊͑̕ ̸̧̖̰̳̻͑͊ͪ͗ͭ͝i̭͖̲̖̘̘̹̣̜͊̑̒̇͋ͩ̿͐s̳͔̪̻̭̿̂̀͛ ̖͍̣̓͋̿̍͊̒͂ͫ͝ͅõ̡̰̠̭̀̊̚͜͜nͫͮ͋ͩ̅̎ͧ͏̷̯͖̗̬̙̘ļ̴̘̪̼͚̠͙̔͂͆yͯ̄͛ͧ͆ͨ̽̚͏̻̺̯̦̜̩͓̬̳ ̡̜̳̳̺͈̱͊̈́͌̒ͫ̿̐tͮ̂͋͏̦̪̕ḩ̲̗͇̖̬̝̙̞͛̽͑͛ͭͫ͆̽ͬe̛͕̬͍̩̖͕̬ͮ͂͛̐̎ͅͅ ̤̼̺͂b̰̳̳̩͙̊̌͂͠ę͚̤͚͓͕̭̩ͣ̏̉̀͜g̘̱̥͛ͯ͌͒̽͒ͬͦͤi͆̿͝͏̗̭̘ň̠̮̪̞͚̞͍͕ͦͮ̓̏n̦̼͖͇̜̝͇͂ͤ͌̉͋̂ͣï̖̝͔̼̿͂ͧ͗̎͊̉͝n̷̯̻͍̣͓̮̊̿̽̋̓́̽̕ͅ
S̨̞̯̟̀̆̋̎ͥͫ̉ͧ̀͝o̷̯̟̮̜̤͓͖͉͊̋̏ͪo̗̜͔͎͒̿̇ͨ̓̓̑ͩn̛̅̈́̅̔ͣ ̡̝̹̞͑ͬ̌̆ͣd̴̛̖̙͈͇̈ͩ̒ͨ̍̂ͦ͋͜ė͙̮̠͕ͧ̿̅ͫ̉̕͝ͅc̡͇̗̤ͯͩ̊̐̐̃̆͒̉ặ͈̜̪̱̹̟̥͖̓̊̎̓͗̕y̰̜͍̫̫͔̯͐ ̢͔̖̘͓͚̥̲̦͊̒̑ͭ͋͗̅ͭ͘w̜͚̲̻̜̮͇͆̐͋ͬ͆ͥ̔͑̒i̵͖̯̖̲̞̋ͥ͊̀̽̃̑̃̀̚͢l̷͈̠̪̾ͫ̋͛̀l̻͓̰̣̭̺͊̚̕͢͝ ̣̃ͧ̾ͤ̾̋ͬ͞r̶̯̙̝̰͓̊͆̂ͮ̏ͣͣ́ͅe̮̰̍ͯͨ́͡͝i̮͓̳̣͆̈ͭ́g̞̬̝̠͍̺͓̈́̑n̄̾͏̖̯̝̤̻̖͎̀
̬̘͈̳̇͌̕͢͝
@MasterofRoku
ReplyDeleteIf Trixie hadn't already been lurking around in Ponyville to stop Rainbow Dash, Twilight's plan would have worked. She wasn't expecting things to get so complicated, and she certainly wasn't expecting Trixie to be there. She couldn't bring Fluttershy to the rendezvous either because Trixie didn't demand it, and if she showed up for no reason it would have instantly been suspicious.
>the rock soup her mother made for dinner
ReplyDelete-Is that a... Flintstones joke ?
... Pinky Pie has a father with the wisdom of a ancient Mountain ...
>it burst out through her mane, turning it puffy and buoyant -Restore 1/6 done. The Pink is back online.
---------------
>I will try with all my heart not to let you suffer for too long...
-Let me guess : After a super fight, all points toward Celestia winning and... Inverted *Deus Ex Machina* and she will ''somehow'' lose.
>Forcing itself to ignore the terrible burning of her magic, it pushed against her and a gave a hard crank with every bit of strength it had left.
-...Millions, I tell ya... A Millionaire I would be, if I had bet on this.
(sigh) Just can't take the rest of this seriously now.
>“It...worked?”
-Even Noctis can't believe it.
>“Sister...I trust you...Goodbye...”
-...I believe she must be the only one, right now *mumble-grumble*
---------------
>“Don’t be silly! Nobody can see the future! Well, nobody but your friend Pinkie Pie with those crazy twitches of hers. Hey, did you ever figure out how she does that? It’s totally freaky!”
-... ... ...still midly annoyed.
>“Call me...Lumina!”
-... ...It is an interesting name.
...thinking of Secret of Mana, right now...
@Nova25
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzyd91NFx-Y
Huh, I think I might have preferred it if Celestia had curbstomped Noctis down hard as he's a fecking loathsome bastard and it's been a long dark journey already.
ReplyDeleteBut.
That scene where Twilight sang 'Giggle at the Ghostly' was flawless, same with Pinkie's father admitting to his favourite record. So long as you keep up the quality I'm staying on board.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete...and he probably even believe he's original, right now ?
You aren't the first to act ''maturely'' like that, while trying to discredit someone else.
But I will throw you a bone for at least trying to half-'troll' using a video.
Now, if you have any kind of comment about the story, its content, your thoughts and/or your appreciation of it, wondering or questioning about something or anything at all...
I believe your energy would be better spent that way. Most surely.
This is pretty intense.
ReplyDeleteJust when I thought it was wrapping up nicely, major plot twist and darkness wins.
I can hardly wait for the next chapter!
So just an update in case anyone has been looking for updates in the last week or so. I'm about 20 pages through part 9 so far, but it will probably be the longest chapter so far. That's not a guarantee, but right now it's looking that way. I do regret the delay, but real life distractions have recently given me not nearly as much free time to work on this little project.
ReplyDeleteThis GOD DAMN heat wave isn't exactly helping either. Turns out it's pretty hard for me to write when it feels like my brain is cooking inside my skull. I must have passed out at my keyboard three or four times so far just because of how hot it is all the time. Still, part 9 is going to come sooner or later. Hopefully when my life slows down a bit I'll be able to update on a more timely basis.
Good to hear an update from the man himself.
ReplyDeleteI will await the next chapter with great anticipation.
Part 9 is done. A whopping 43 pages. All I need to do is run it by my beta reader and then I can FINALLY submit it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to lie, I was so ready for this story to be over, and then it just wasn't. The Celestia thing just 'really' felt forced, if the only way I can make it interesting is to try and compare it to Kamina's -spoiler- in Gurren Lagann, then I don't even know.
ReplyDeleteEspecially now that 'God' is in the story. I'm gonna give chapter 9 a shot, but this really will decide whether or not I keep reading, or pretend that the last two paragraphs of chapter 8 ended differently.
I admit, like the poster above me, I was... perhaps a touch uneasy about where you were going after the last chapter. And of course, my worries were unfounded. And excellent conclusion. If anything, it's even more satisfying to see Noctis go bonkers because nobody will play his little game anymore. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteContinuation, even, not conclusion. (Just a clarification (as I can't edit my prior post!) so that people reading the comments don't get the wrong impression because my brain has the dumb this morning!
ReplyDeleteIt's 3 AM where I am right now, and I'm a bit tipsy, but I'm going to read this right now anyways despite it being 40+ pages, because I've been waiting over a week for it. Thank you so much, Jack.
ReplyDeleteAaaand...brilliant. I read it nice and slowly, took notes, and enjoyed it thoroughly.
ReplyDeleteYou managed to gracefully compresses character reinforcement and world building/backstory into most of this monumental chapter. I just love when setting and plot are put into dialogue. Furthermore, it's nice the way that all the conflicts of previous chapters are resolved; you managed to make it not seem too forced, to me at least. You even made room for skillful use of background characters, and one unobtrusive OC whose mere name told volumes about what followed the break.
...And all in 43 pages with few if any errors. Please, sleep in. As said before, enjoy long, leisurely walks, daydreams and showers. Relax. You deserve it. This is easily the best fanfic I've ever read, and it deserves to be finished well, so keep up the good work.
The weird thing is I would be happy to see Appleloosa burn to the ground because they settle on some native buffalo land and the buffalo give it away for PIE! It is just like the native Americans selling Manhattan for a song! Outrageous! The appleloosans will burn for their karma. BURN!
ReplyDeleteI doubt that Fluttershy will forgive herself so quickly. Especially since she's getting kind of a track record for bringing destructive creatures into Ponyville. Noctis... the parasprites... that xenomorph... the Incredible Hulk... Kratos... and that's not even touching the fan art...
ReplyDeleteWell, I was almost right.... :D
ReplyDeleteThis is really really good. I love it.
ReplyDeleteFreakin' Hoity Toity and Photo Finish, man. They have ascended to Awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteWhat a glorious "fuck you" moment they had.
I have to admit that writing the parts for Hoity Toity and Photo Finish was probably the most fun I had with this chapter. I did love getting to use Carrot Top and 80s Cheerilee too, though.
ReplyDeleteCarrot Top + Ponyroll + Everything involving Hoity Toity and Photo Finish = BEST CHAPTER YET.
ReplyDeleteNo seriously, keep up the good work! I'm excited to see how this concludes
I hate to say this, but I couldn't get past chapter 5 - it takes alot to break my suspension of disbelief, but Twilight immediately jumping to "I need to break into the princess's private library." without even considering any alternatives did it. Having some reason why she couldn't contact Celestia would have avoided me stopping reading this otherwise excellent story. On possible reason for the miss communication which would fit with the premise perfectly would be Notics doing something to Spike so that his mail is intercepted. Celestia ignoring her letters would be something that I could buy sending Twilight into fits, and causing a laps in judgement. It could have been something that Notics did when she was trying to wear down AJ
ReplyDeletePart 9 :
ReplyDelete>“I’m sorry for yelling, girls, but we’ve lost too much already...Our homes, our princesses
-One of them(Princess) for an extremely ridiculous reason, that even the villain couldn't believe...
>“I love you all so much! I’m sorry I left! I wasn’t thinking straight, but I’m just so happy to be with you right now, Rarity! I missed you more than you can imagine!”
-Well, THAT is somewhat positive... ...let's see how long this will last...
>“Well...I guess I did used to really like the Safety Prance...” admitted Cheerilee.
-Well... that's a nice little reference, I guess.
>Your magic is only as strong as your will
-Mmh... I somewhat agree to that.
>I’m saying we should merge together like Nightmare Moon, but as good guys instead of bad guys!”
-Sooo...? Lumina is like Nightmare, but 'Positive' instead of 'Negative' ?
...I guess it's a interesting concept, and it sure is new (No one used a Positive-Nightmare fusion, so far. So, it's pretty much officially a first.).
>“Ugh! This is ridiculous! >STOP HAVING FUN, PONIES!”
-It's impossible ! ;) ......I guess things are geting a bit better now ? We can only wonder, if this will last.
>And you, Hoity Toity! You are to design uniforms befitting of my greatness!
-Huh... unless it somehow changed, since last part... Isn't Noctis still looking like a monstruous-undead-blob-thing ?
How does 'It' expect to ''wear'' clothes/stuff ?
>not even Celestia herself would be able to challenge it, assuming she ever got out of the sun, which was impossible.
-You know the expression ? : ''Never say never'' (and then someone's head exploded).
Also, -Nothing- is truly impossible, thanks to the magic of *Statistics and Probability*. ;)
>if I sent her to...Appleoosa...?” >BACK FROM APPLEOOSA!?”
-The right name is : Appleloosa.
Just pointing.
... I believe it was a 'good' part; at least, something relatively 'positive' seem to be happening ...
The uniforms were meant to be forced on the ponies, not worn by Noctis itself.
ReplyDeleteI know it's been a while. In case anyone has been checking, I apologize for the delay. Real life (especially work) has been kicking my ass lately. On top of that, chapter 10 is probably going to be even longer than the last one was. I'm 30 pages into it right now, and this is just an estimate but I wouldn't be surprised if it hit 60 pages before it was done. I hope that doesn't turn you guys off. Believe me when I say that I'm not trying to pad things just to make it longer. Chapter 10 is going to be when it really hits the fan, so I just have a lot to cover.
ReplyDeleteGood Grief 60 pages(that's not a bad thing)? Anyways I'll be waiting patiently.
ReplyDelete60 pages? Child's play! The hardest thing related to 60 pages is... Writing them. The more pages the merrier :3
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm changing my estimate from 60 pages to 80 pages. I swear that I AM working on this whenever I have the free time to do it. I'm really hoping to get part 10 out before Season 2 premieres and probably contradicts everything I've been writing for the past several months.
ReplyDelete@Mister Jack
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean chapter 10 will be the final chapter?
Also, damn, 80 pages O_O.
No, part 10 won't be the final chapter. Unless I get really lucky, I'm assuming the Discord episodes in season 2 are going to poke many giant holes in this story, which is going to drive my little OCD mind absolutely nuts. I want to at least get one more chapter out before that happens. We are past the halfway point, though. I'm tentatively planning 13 chapters, but it could end up being less or more depending on how things pan out.
ReplyDeleteIT'S DONE. It currently stands at 72 pages. Now I just need to proof it, run it by my prereader, make any edits I need to, and I can finally submit it. If this thing gets a lousy reception I think I may set fire to my laptop. This chapter was an absolute NIGHTMARE to write.
ReplyDeleteI highly doubt that people won't like it.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read it.
I... Can't...
ReplyDeleteThe anticipation is killing me. I'm serious when I say that I'm looking forward to the latest chapter as much as I am Season 2.
Very nice work on the battle between Rainbow Dash and Gilda in chapter 10. Every chapter that gets closer to the finale makes me more and more impatient :(
ReplyDeleteWell, that was pretty epic. Excellent read.
ReplyDeleteNow that the world is DOOMED I can't see how the Dogs, Trixie or whatever else could stay on Noctis' side, though.
Spoiler ALERT!!!
ReplyDelete“Oh, I have a cutie mark! Mine’s just in a place where it can’t be seen!”
-Her "heart"? Or, maybe, since I am watching an animation blooper reel for season one [joke] it is on her inner thighs?[/joke]
but to her surprise Rainbow Dash suddenly emerged from the flames, charging out of the inferno with a trail of burning colors in her wake.
-Blew a hole in the fire with cool air?
but she was quickly being reminded that fire was hot.
-Ah, pumped up on pain-killers? Or does it actually heal too? Like she was regrowing her skin in places?
Las Haygas
-ha.
He sucker-punched me...and the sun was in my eyes...Nothin’ more!
-Snerk.
“I told you to watch out!”
-Learned that one from Pinkie Pie at the start of "Gryphon the Brush-Off", right?
Gilda opened her mouthed and exhaled a long, continuous stream of fire, turning her head to move it around with little care regarding what, if anything, it was actually hitting.
-Taking bits of your fight sequence from Toothless and Hiccup vs The Red Death are you? I completely approve.
Even with Dash’s unexplained power
-Is it just me, or did "Loyalty" just get uncorrupted and return to operational status?
-And now Legend of Zelda... I would think that ponies would die too quick to produce much energy in that way... or is that part of the insane nature of the plan? Season 1 Episode 2 was won when the sun came up... technically the victory point here will be when the moon rises.
Oh yer a long winded one, aren'tcha? I've been waiting a long time fer this one, laddy, and ya leave me with another cliffhanger? Yer a sadistic one too... I like it.
ReplyDeleteDash's medicine is pretty much just meant to dull her sense of pain (but not completely) and give her a huge, fairly dangerous boost of adrenaline. There are no healing properties. She's just a tough lil pegasus. This probably wouldn't hold up under medical scrutiny, but...magic ponies.
ReplyDeleteLas Haygas...well...I couldn't think of any better puns. I tried Neighgas, but when you say it out loud it just sounds...wrong.
Noctis' plan might work. It might not. I'm leaving it up to the
reader to decide whether Noctis is good at improvising or has just gone COMPLETELY INSANE.
@Mister Jack
ReplyDeleteI happened to LIKE "Las Haygas". It just didn't make me literally lol, or even pause to appreciate the joke, so I gave it a comparatively flat compliment.
I am so glad that this fic is back in operation! I can't believe how long this chapter was, but it was a great read and I am relieved that this is not a deadfic, because it's one of my favourites.
ReplyDelete