• Story: Bottled Up

    [Shipping] Someone finally shipped Colgate!

    Author: no space
    Description: Berry Punch is a pony with many demons trying to be a good mother, and Colgate just wants to help.
    Bottled Up: Bite of Lime
    Bottled Up: Night of Stories

    Additional Tags: Relationships, Alcoholism, Parenthood, Recovery, Acceptance

    38 kommentaari:

    1. brushie brushie brushie

      VastaKustuta
    2. Colgate has been shipped several times on this website... though usually under the name "Romana."

      VastaKustuta
    3. This might as well be tagged "Clopfic", with the way the opening scene is written >_<

      VastaKustuta
    4. There are a couple Romana x OPPP fics so...

      VastaKustuta
    5. It seems like the narrative structure falls apart in the first one in the bar night after her trip to Colgate's house :<

      VastaKustuta
    6. The opening is definitely dangerously close to clopfic territory. One might go so far as to say "in".

      VastaKustuta
    7. 1st one: Narrative structure falls apart, more like a clop-fic than a story.

      2nd one: COMPLETE TURN-AROUND. A nice parable for alcoholism in a very sweet story. I actually look forward to more, just please don't go all "Cloppy" in the next one, at least not too much...

      VastaKustuta
    8. Really short, and the first chapter when she returns to the bar confused the hell out of me.

      is okay.

      VastaKustuta
    9. Z'omg. The cute ending to part 2 makes up for the cloppy beginnings of part 1... *d'aw face*

      VastaKustuta
    10. Ok, wow, the second chapter is much better than the first :)

      VastaKustuta
    11. The evil wizard Patronius. Yup sounds accurate.

      VastaKustuta
    12. I liked it. Although I have to say that the idea of an alcoholic being picked up in a bar and ending up in a stable relationship seems somewhat far-fetched.

      But then maybe it's just the bars I frequent, which are often not conducive to social interaction.

      VastaKustuta
    13. DAMMIT! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING MY COLGATE SHIP FIC :|

      Not first....

      I'll read this when I have time.

      VastaKustuta
    14. I didn't think it was THAT cloppy... it was only a little lick. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. It is nice to know what everyone's thinking. No one else who read this before I uploaded here mentioned trouble with the transitions. Of course, that was before I moved the three parts of "Bite of Lime" into one document. The fact that they were completely separated before might have had something to do with that, I don't know.

      There are more planned, which will explore the characters' relationships and backgrounds, delve more into Berry's addictions, and possibly the earlier beginnings of Berry and Colgate's relationship, but nothing else cloppy, really. I wanted to write another "romantic evening" piece, but it will be much cleaner than the first.

      VastaKustuta
    15. A question about Colgate: at first, I thought she had been named Colgate because she had a toothbrush cutie mark or something. However, that is, obviously, not actually the case. So where did the name come from? Her color scheme?

      VastaKustuta
    16. The name Colgate comes from her colors and the shape of her tail. It looks like a glob of toothpaste.

      VastaKustuta
    17. This is a really nice story. The end of the first chapter made me want to read more.
      One of the best!

      VastaKustuta
    18. I still prefer Aquafresh as her name.

      First part was a little disjointed, cloppy, and wierd.
      Second part was adorable and quite well written. (On a unrelated note, I feel weird saying adorable as a 20 year of guy. Confound these ponies...)

      If I had to give rankings to the two separate parts, 3/5 for the first one, 5/5 for the second one. Hopefully the rest is more like the second one.

      VastaKustuta
    19. First, I was like "DAMN! Brushie brushie brushing on the edge of clopfic!" Then I was like "...damn. That was a rather well-written and endearing story, which I now feel a little guilty about lusting over."

      So, y'know, another Thursday afternoon.

      VastaKustuta
    20. guys... guys, why can't I stop crying?

      VastaKustuta
    21. >Someone finally shipped Colgate!

      she has been shipped with OPPP
      WAAAAAAAAAAAAY before

      there's even two Romana x OPPP fics here on EqD

      VastaKustuta
    22. Anypony looking through the comments to see if its worth it: the first chapter is..... pretty cloppy, but push through and it's worth it.

      VastaKustuta
    23. If you think that's cloppy, you've never read a ButterscotchSundae story

      VastaKustuta
    24. Uh... you're doing it wrong.
      It's salt, then tequila, THEN lime.

      VastaKustuta
    25. You can do a Tequila shot either way, and I liked it this way better for the story.

      VastaKustuta
    26. Also, thanks! I'm glad that even some people who apparently think the first part goes a little too far into clopfic territory (which I still don't understand) are still reading it to completion.

      VastaKustuta
    27. @no space
      Bah, it's the Internet, if THIS amount of ''slightly suggestive content'' is enough to drive them off, well... They don't navigate much, not that it means anything.

      Also...

      Colgate is Berry's knight :) ...like people say : Awwwww, cute Ruby. ;)

      VastaKustuta
    28. I liked berry for some reason . . . i dont know if its all of the goofy pics or what, she is flawed but her hearts in the right place . . . I really liked this, it started nice and sensual . . . bah to the neigh-sayers . . it was not cloppy at all . . . i dont consider that even close to to being "clopfic" material. If yall cant differentiate a sensual moment from a sexual one . . . ya'll got some issues, im a 26 yr old male fer cellies sake. I mean c'mon bronies, enjoy the story for what it is, a tale of a families beginning. So what, there was some licking and biting . . . i saw nothing perverted there at all. No way even close to clopfic. *Hrmph*
      I think its perfectly fine for shipping, really i have come across much much worse than this. Its sad ponies here cant understand and enjoy . . . wow how do i say this without sounding wierd . . . . the passion portrayed. *nods* yeah that will do. They are characters from a kids show, granted . . . but this show has grown to be anything but just that. I think No Space did a great job with this story.
      I would leave this in my public folder . . . there is far worse on the damn tv.

      ANYWHO . . . This pony really enjoyed this story as much as memories in a bottle . . . . I loved the ending, made me teary eyed for sure. It was just that simple little line from ruby, "Colgate? Are you my mommy's Knight?" When i read that i choked . . . It was a wonderful surprise for sure. I do hope there is more to this in the future. Berry, Colgate and Ruby are my favorite pony family.

      VastaKustuta
    29. Aww, this one is cute! Especially the ending oh PT2 (No spoliers)

      VastaKustuta
    30. Ch. 1 - Huh, pretty well written.
      Ch. 2 - D'AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

      VastaKustuta
    31. The first part is very well-written and shows a deep, sad conflict. It's nowhere near "clopfic" material; even though it's a bit risque, it's quite tame compared to some other "not specific enough to be a clopfic, but metaphors abound for these two pages as the act of sex is being described" stories that are on here.

      The second part is cute, and I like how it addresses a new problem to avoid the "happily ever after" trope that is, quite frankly, bullshit. My main problem, though, is there isn't really a lot of description of either pony's inner thoughts, compared to the first one.

      VastaKustuta
    32. After reading the comments I'm not sure what this place wants of the story...... it's a good story, a good read and pretty much safe for anyone to read. (If you can't explain to your children what is happening there in a healthy and educational manner then I suggest you turn over your parent license).

      VastaKustuta
    33. Why is everybody complaining about a story based on a clop pic coming across as clopfiction?

      VastaKustuta
    34. This has to be said about the second chapter. There's no avoiding it.







      D'AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

      VastaKustuta
    35. There appears to be a third chapter linked to in the first one called Fifth of Memories

      Link:https://docs.google.com/document/d/16kq-ZTcm8zs5DfHlKEduAC8dToQjOTKfEe0PETYzcVw/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1

      VastaKustuta
    36. I was very surprised by this. The initial cloppishness nearly turned me off (at least I know where it came from). The very minimal nature of the writing left a lot to the imagination. And yet there was just enough there, just the right amount to make everything work. This one got better as it went, and the second part was excellent, delving into both characters and coming up with something memorable. I'd love to see their life together continue.

      ...Wait, I just got my wish? Hooray! I am incredibly bemused by the idea of ponies eating flowers, I don't know why. This is a fantastic addition to the story, you're really working Berry's backstory marvellously. I think I'll turn that fifth star on up there. Still wanna see more.

      VastaKustuta