Author: Stainless Steel Fox
Description: I'm tired of Grimdark, are you tired of Grimdark? Even Celestia's tired of Grimdark, and that _is_ Grimdark. I've never been so tired of Grimdark except when I read Cupcakes, and I mean who can top that...The Best Night Ever Extended (All Links) (New!)
Pinkieness aside, I want to see something good happen. After all, we're supposed to like these ponies. And what better opportunity is there than the Grand Galloping Gala? Does anyone else feel that our heroes got a rather raw deal? Princess Celestia telling them it's all okay went some way towards restoring the balance, but I don't think it went anyway near far enough. Here's my non-canon, but heartfelt extension to the story. With added Luna.
Additional Tags: Humour, Post-Gala, Teamwork, Friendship, CheerfulLight
36 kommentaari:
lol at the "cheerfulLight" tag
VastaKustutaalso awesome story!
"Haha, that was amazing!"
VastaKustuta- Spike, Feeling Pinkie Keen
Tired of grimdark? Is yous trolling?
VastaKustutaIt was a nice read, but you forgot to filter out your pronouns into somepony, everypony, etc.
VastaKustutaI'm jealous of people who can carry an interesting dialogue for several pages...
I really like where this is going. You did a good job capturing the personalities of the main six ponies with their dialog. I smiled at Rainbow Dash 'inhaling doughnuts.'
VastaKustutaThe only thing I see wrong with this is that the dialog is a bit rushed in places, but it hardly detracts anything from this story other than a slight bit of flow. 5-stars.
Yeah, this was wonderful. And it figures Celestia would channel a little Vetinari.
VastaKustutaYou've got my 5 stars (and my axe, etc.), but I'd strongly recommend seeking out a friendly editor. Thattagen mentioned the pronouns thing (which I missed! *blush* Gonna have to pay more attention to that in my own writing if I ever get around to it), but you've got a number of tiny errors sitting around to distract people. (In particular, the name of the Wonderbolt is Soarin', with the apostrophe. I can understand sticking with just Soarin if you do it consistently, but you even called him Soaring once.)
That said, I still really enjoyed reading this despite being a serial nitpicker; I just want this fic to be even more wonderful. :)
One of the funniest fics I've read here, and that's saying something. Also, I'm putting my vote in for somepony, if not the original author to do the follow up on Blueblood's time at Sweet Apple Acres, turning up Apple pie deserves a good helping of humble pie if you ask me.
VastaKustutaI still believes Trollestia only sent two invites for the Gala and watched Twilight's friends fight :D
VastaKustutaFallout:Equestria grimdark is best grimdark.
VastaKustutaThis was definitely a worthwhile read; I loved your characterization of Luna and the dialogue was generally very strong.
VastaKustutaA couple of lines did startle me out of the story a bit, though:
"They're at least twenty percent cooler than my idea!" and "Considering apple pies were considered the weapon of choice for an Applosian range war, this was roughly equivalent to using her as a shield from an assault rifle."
The first one stops being realistic dialogue so that it can use the 20% cooler line, which seems like a bad idea; I recommend building new dialogue instead of relying on making references to please people. The second line could have been cut out of the story completely without affecting it, and it elevated what was simply churlish behavior to the level of high crime.
It's a testament to your skills at writing the dialogue, though, that only those two lines felt "wrong" to me. The rest of the story is very well-crafted, in-character, and enjoyable. Good job.
Not...bad. Not great, either.
VastaKustutaTo be frank, this felt as if you had a good idea for a short little funny fic, then had another idea for a fic about Luna and why she wasn't at the Gala, then sort of mashed them together at the last minute without really planning it through.
Her character doesn't fit into the scene, at the beginning she comes off as overly melodramatic and around the middle of the story, she just plain relegated the mane six to bit players.
The dialogue felt forced, or perhaps "rushed" would be a more precise criticism: Nothing too bad, but another editor would certainly help refine the lines. By now you've probably heard that a dozen times, though.
What really got to me though, and I realise this is rather silly, is that your stated intention was softening the "raw deal" the mane six got with the disastrous gala. I, however, felt that you achieved just the opposite - at the end of the episode, they are laughing, if only because at that point, the alternative would be crying (Oh, Trollestia, we love you so).
It ends on a rather positive note whereas your fic... made the whole thing sadder by having the characters complain about the injustice done to them, not to mention all the gloomy!Luna you added in for good measure. The last few paragraphs are, I believe, supposed to work in a way similar to the end scene of the episode, but instead just feel tacked on.
Lots of potential, but lacking in execution. 3/5
this needs to be cannon I want to see an episode of prince Blueblood being forced to work on sweet apple acres!! XD
VastaKustutaIt was a good, amusing and verily, entertaining read. I approve.
VastaKustutaI can agree on being tired of things Grim and Dark. These are ponies, after all! :)
(Maybe there is some truth in the old adage that good comedy is the hardest of them all to write.)
"I do believe it is pineapple!"
VastaKustutaProof that Celestia has met Vetinari. That explains -so- much...
~~BlankFlankBrony
soooo tired of grimdark... many high fives for you.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaErm . . . I don't think you read all three chapters.
Anyway, to the author, I agree with the other anonymous commenter said about those lines of dialogue that felt a bit "off." Making jokes in the narrative voice is fine, but only if you do it regularly--dropping just a couple of jokes that way means they break the overall story flow. And really, the memes are kind of played out by now. They're only worth it if you can really build up to them. That's just my opinion, of course.
That said, I agree that you're an excellent dialogue writer. In the middle of chapter two I was like "Wait a minute, basically nothing has actually happened this entire time. Shouldn't I be bored now?" But I wasn't, and it was glorious.
Like many others, I too think there's been a rather large influx of Grimdark stuff lately, though that's not to say it's bad--I'm quite enjoying Frigid Winds, The Sun is Tired, and of course Fallout: Equestria. Still, it's something that should be taken in small doses, so thanks for the reprieve.
Ah, so this is where you've popped off to... ;)
VastaKustutaVery well done on the story thus far; as always, very enjoyable to read your work.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaNo... She IS Vetinari.
*stage gasp*
Brilliant, brilliant series. Love our actress Pinkie Pie.
VastaKustutaPlease do more. *puppy eyes*
Is it strange for me to feel protective of Blueblood, because people want to see him suffer so much?
VastaKustutaJust finished reading the entire story. It was fantastic.
VastaKustutaExcellent work, very enjoyable!
VastaKustutaHad more fun reading than I thought I might after Chapter 1. I admit I was thinking "Mm...3 stars?" for a good amount when "rating" in my head.
VastaKustutaAlthough come the later chapters I think you hit your stride a little more. Chapter 4 in particular ended very well with a complete "At the Gala" rewrite that was fantastically well made that propelled it up to a really solid 4/5 in my opinion.
After some of the stuff I've seen here and elsewhere, I so needed this. Thank you for reminding me WHY I started watching MLP:FiM in the first place.
VastaKustuta~Ardashir
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the whole point of "The Best Night Ever" that the mane cast DID get a raw deal. It was supposed to be them dealing with expectations that had built up nearly all season long being smashed into a gooey glob of massive disappointment. They were SUPPOSED to learn that social events like that tend to suck big time, and the people you go with are what brings fun to the whole thing. Not to mean that it needs to be excessively depressing and angsty, but why rewrite something that was done so well?
VastaKustutaThe topic is popular because the episode in question resolves little and generally leaves you asking "And then what happened?"
VastaKustutaWhen you have that in a fandom, you have people that want to answer that question.
My personal problem is chapters 1-4 basically read like the biggest wish-fulfillment fic ever. It just doesn't work and really feels like the happy endings are just being passed out like candy during Halloween.
And for something that reads like it's supposed to be about the mane cast, Luna is simply hogging the spotlight far too much.
Rewrite of "At the Gala" was pretty neat but pretty much the only bright star in the fic.
@Anon: Social events don't have to suck, and the ones that do are typically commemerative of a specific event or something of that nature (so the event is less about having fun and more about recognizing achievements and such). The GGG actually doesn't even fit into that pattern, at least as far as we the audience can tell it's just a big party.
Oh sweet Celestia, I need more of that CMC adventure stuff!
VastaKustutaany drawfriends out there, I'm requesting filly spitfire with fireworks strapped to her flanks. that is all.
VastaKustutaI appreciate the idea that this was one great big deus ex machina, but nonetheless it really came off well to me. The characters were faithful to their original roles, the writing was cleverly and technically high-quality, and the entire thing made me laugh out loud more than once.
VastaKustutaBesides the general issues with the nature of the reward and the absolute destruction of the episode's moral (which, to be fair, was entirely indicated in the summary, and anyone who went in expecting anything else is a little bit of an idiot), this was a fantastic fic. Even taking them in hand, the fic was pretty damn spectacular.
My only issue was that "At The Gala" addition at the end. I could not for the life of me read that without cringing, for which I am terribly sorry. It was just too much. :D
@Anonymous
VastaKustuta(Anon on Anon action, everyone loves it.)
I'm impressed that you bothered answering me, and I thank you also.
This raises the question though, of what exactly the Grand Galloping Gala is actually all about. I mean, aristocrats use it to network, and nobles use it to gain influence (and thus power), and every other pony USES it for their own reasons, but WHAT was it actually originally for? What event or achievement happened on that day? I wonder if Celestia even knows. It seems she must if she allows it to go on for so long, despite knowing how awful it is every year.
This I wonder, and offer to you to wonder too.
This was really nice and the song lyrics at the end were a nice touch.
VastaKustutaI'm reading it now, but for a fleeting moment there, I thought you had the same idea and REDO 'Best Night Ever'.
VastaKustutaWith THAT out of the way, I can work on my story guilt-free.
I gotta say that I enjoyed most of this fic. It's not my favorite, but it was definitely worth the better part of an hour that I spent reading it.
VastaKustutaYour use of the character's canon personalities was well done. The only things that ever struck me as odd were "thinking dash" and Luna. The latter is simply because I've already read way too many fanfics with Luna, and have a mental picture how I see her, so there's nothing that was done badly there. Your explanation for Dash's personality there was good though. It was a decent enough explanation for her actions. The Pinkie Pie dialogue was good. I'm always impressed when I see a well done Pinkie Pie. The last time I saw one done really well was in "Half the Day is Night". Anyway, you portrayed her well here. I loved your line "there are things that magic and science can't explain, and pinkie pie is most of them". It got to be a little much in a couple of instances though. The Darth Pinkie moment kinda made me facepalm slightly.
The tone of the story was definitely done in the style of the show: very upbeat. Oddly enough, it seemed odd to me at first. Maybe I really have been reading too much grimdark lately. I will say that you should be careful of that though. If a story is too happy in tone with happy endings awarded all over the place, it may slightly cross the line into "fan wank", especially here when it's attempting to fix the canon storyline (as it kinda did here).
Your song at the end really won me over. I've never seen that ending tactic successfully executed in a fic here. You definitely get high marks for that. Kudos to you.
All in all, I'd give this story a solid 4 of 5. You got an extra bit with the ending song.
Rescue Rangers, eh? Now I know why I recognised your name and writing style at least!
VastaKustutaLovely story, I do think you pulled off the rewards for the characters rather well! Some was, perhaps a bit over the top. But I'd be hard pressed to find anything I would have liked to see different.
Spoilers.
Maybe more of an insight into Celestia would have been fun, she was a bit too quiet most of the time. Even if she is a devious plotter!
I really liked the way Soarin and Spitfire doubted Luna to begin with as well, only to then get shocked when Celestia appeared. That made me grin. It would probably have been out of character for her, but man, I wish she had said "Boo!" or something there xD. Would have made it truly hilarious. (And confusing for those poor Wonderbolts!)
Luna gave a shake of her head, whipping her mane back and forth.
VastaKustutaI WHIP MY MANE BACK AND FORTH
Em, sorry about that.
I apologise to all the Anon's who felt that I was too free with the happy endings. That was not my intention. My initial idea was more along those lines, but as I progressed with my writing, I saw I could do something better.
VastaKustutaThe simple fact is, I hated the moral. 'Don't get your hopes up about something you've dreamed of your entire life, because it will suck, and no amount of effort or hard work will change that. Oh, but if you have friends to comiserate with, that makes it all alright.'
Part of it was because I considered this to be a reward by Celestia for their hard work. They _deserved_ some good things to happen. Maybe that's not what the writers intended, but I like to look deeper. Which meant I was unhappy with how it turned out.
But rather than have Celestia come along and hand out happy endings like candy, I made them work for it. They got help, yes, but ultimately each pony had to, or will have to make their happy ending.
Fluttershy will have to go back to the garden and overcome the animals shyness with the help of Luna and Greenhoof.
Rainbow Dash has her shot at the Wonderbolts but she's had to realise that there's more to it than just the trick flying. She'll have to work harder then she ever has before, and overcome that stage fright. Though with her friends helpand support she's found she can do it.
Applejack will make the money she needed for the farm, but it will take sweat and hard wotk, and a lot of support from her friends.
Rarity has her chance to design for Royalty, the easiest one to get I admit, since Luna was already sold on the idea before the fashion show. But after all her hard work designing costumes for the Gala, doesn't she deserve that chance?
Pinkie Pie gets to do the biggest party of her career, contingent on her making a good party when Luna comes to visit. And that is going to require all her friends to pitch in.
Finally Twilight. Is it really such a stretch that she gets to spend time with her mentor, it wasn't exactly much to ask for. Yes she's going to have an awesome time learning about old magics from Luna. but she's also going to be working her horn off bringing Luna up to sped on modern magical theory.
So my moral was 'You can make a happy ending out of the most unpromising start if you're willing to stick at it. Also if you have good friends to help, you can acomplish things you couldn't alone.'
That is a better moral to end the series on. I don't deny your right to disagree what the original story was about, but I also stand on my interpretation, and thoguh there was an element of wish fulfillment but I do deny the idea that I made it easy, or that happy endings were handed out like candy at Halloween.
I also make no apology for hammering on Prince Bueblood, the jerk, or the song at the end. I like re-writing existing songs with new lyrics, and if there's any universe where a group can burst spontaneously into song, it's Equestria. It's even canon.
Also, see my latest fic, 'The Blueblood Redemption' to get a completely diferent interpretation of what was going on, and how it resolved itself. What if Blueblood had an excellent reason for acting like a jerk? What if his real personality was rather different?