[Shipping] Big Mac and Luna? I'd write a blurb here about the last author I saw do a shipping of these two, but it's not blog-appropriate.
Author: DoubleMallow
Description: Big Mac is lookin' for love, but in the wrong places. He's never struggled with having "options" with mares until now. So read it and find out what happens!The Apple in the Observatory Part 1
The Apple in the Observatory Part 2
The Apple in the Observatory Part 3 (New!)
Additional tags: Deep, soulful, wishful, thoughtful, un-depressing
79 kommentaari:
Oh my
VastaKustutaGood, I am in need of an un-depressing fic between these two.
VastaKustutaI'm looking forward for part 2.
VastaKustutaOn another note, It felt a bit rushed when Big Mac first talked with Dash. It think it would've worked with a bit more dialogue, but apart from that it's good, and I'll be keeping up with it.
It's my first, so... I just hope everyone like it D:
VastaKustuta@DoubleMallow *likes
VastaKustutaGood for Mac!
VastaKustutaMaybe now Fluttershy won't be so hesitant to be around him when we hang out!
not blog-appropriate? Come on, like being appropriate even matters anymore in this day and age!
VastaKustuta@Anonymous i know. the base of the story was supposed to be around how this just happened and this was more the detailing at how he and Luna end up in the same place. part two will be from luna's perspective as to how she ended up at the castle.
VastaKustutaThe story's pretty good, and for some reason the picture makes me smile... O.o
VastaKustuta@DoubleMallow I'm looking forward for some Luna :D
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaIf I had to guess, I'd say he's talking about RagingSemi's "Luna's Sad Party" and the recent sequel.
Lol, I've read the story he is sethisto is refering to. Compared to other clopfics, it was actually surprisingly well written :)
VastaKustutaAnd then we learned what Cereal reads at night.
VastaKustutaTHE PLOT THICKENS.
VastaKustutaDUN DUN DUNN
But yeah, good start. Did feel a tad rushed though, but you got plenty of time to improve. I expect this story to go places.
Oh man, I felt Big Mac's hopes and dreams burst into horrible flames when RD dropped that secret on him D:
VastaKustutaNow to wait for chapter 2.
Hmm. (As per usual, my "Hmm" may indicate coming [SPOILERS])
VastaKustutaOk, some minor concerns:
1: As has been said, Big Mac talking with Dash at first was a bit rushed.
2: Why on earth (or Equestria) did Rainbow wait so long to break the news? I can understand why she wouldn't tell him right then and there, but she can fly. She would have been able to keep up with him easily and tell him sooner. Heck, even right before they left would have been better.
3: When she breaks the news to Big Mac it all goes a bit to easy. And then she even asks him to set her up with AJ? Whilst I can see Rainbow being so tactless (in fact, I can see it as a reason why she didn't tell him sooner, though not a very good one), Big Mac just brushes it off all a bit to easily. Also, the scene itself could be very emotional, but its all just sorta swept under the carpet. Surely even Rainbow would spend a bit more effort into making sure Big Mac would be allright?
Well, its only the first chapter. Maybe some of these things will be explained. I just hope it won't be "just" an easy way to set up Big Mac with Luna. Or the overly done "I wasn't that crushed because secretly I have always been in love with someone (somepony) else".
the Wa-wa-wa sound effect seems appropriate for Rainbows reveal.
VastaKustutaWhen I first read that part with Pinkie giving Big Mac a cupcake, I actually tensed up in fear for a moment. As in, "Oh not this situation again!"
VastaKustutaDidn't help either when she told him to talk to her if RD wasn't (and I quote:) "tasty" enough for him. Right after he ate a cupcake she made.
Dang that "Cupcakes"! Now it's scarred my fanfic-reading life forever!
Good story, but I thought Big Mac handled the whole "the only mare he's ever really had the hots for is gay" thing a little too well. Come to think of it, he might have been expecting that, given it's Rainbow Dash, but still.
VastaKustutaTO ALL READERS
VastaKustutayou won't understand the piece about him not feeling that bad until part 3. then you'll understand.
Keep up the great work. This site needs more Big Mac.
VastaKustutadamn. back down to four stars T_T
VastaKustutathe story definitely has potential, looking foreword to seeing how this plays out
VastaKustutaI think he was lying to RD about taking it well. It may seem to us like he just dropped the issue right there, but I bet it's gonna show up later with some issue.
VastaKustutaI like this. Eager for continuation.
VastaKustutaI can understand many of you judging on what you read even though it isn't complete, though i ask some assumptions are presumed around all parts of the story when published.
VastaKustutaThis is my favorite pairing ever!
VastaKustuta>>author says we won't understand till Part 3
VastaKustuta>>doesn't post an update for almost a month
>>trollauthor.jpg
Why is it that I need to request permission to view the second part? I want to know what happens next! *flails hooves*
VastaKustuta"You need permission to access this item."
VastaKustutaSeems to be all anyone can get when trying to get to the second part.
Could you fix this DoubleMallow?
Jay :) I read the second part and loved it :) you have to make a third :D (or you don't have to but i would be sad if you didn't :P)
VastaKustutaSo I reread Ch1:
VastaKustuta"Being cool! And you do that already, so it shouldn't be a problem at all Mackie!" Pinkie exclaimed as she shoved a green-apple flavored cupcake in Big Mac's mouth. Her facial expression suddenly changed as she said softly: "though if Rainbow Dash isn't 'tasty' enough for you, let me know..."
...
....
.....
...........
OH GOD IT'S A CUPCAKES REFERENCE!!
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaReally now? Cupcakes? If ya forget Pinkie make SWEETS, shes not so subtlety hinting at herself...*facehoof*
Anyways, to the author of this fic, you better not stop it! It's got potential flowing out its...pores? I dunno, what ever something can pour out of a fic... Keep it up!
Forget about rising expectations. You're doing fine. Get help from fellow bronies to proofread and stuff, ponychan and all that. If not, simply just come back to it a couple hours later, and repeat the process a few times. It'll turn out great, trust me on this.
VastaKustutaUh, it's worth noting that Macintosh has orange hair, not blonde.
VastaKustutaOh, and I forgot to mention: THIS FIC IS AWESOME. MAKE MOAR I SAY
VastaKustutaThis is a really good fan fic the only thing I dislike is that there a tad to short.
VastaKustutaI am enjoying these. Can't wait for more. :3
VastaKustutabig mac can ship with anypony. or gryphon for that matter.
VastaKustutaI acutally refrenced BOTH cupcakes and common sky on accident. lol whoops...
VastaKustutaI'm actually going to be completly bed-ridden Wednesday and after due to oral (lol i said oral) surgery. so i'm hoping to have part three out soon. I know i could edit part 1 and make it better, but to me it's a symbol of how bad I must not be. It's weird, the first one was terrible, and i took my time, the second one i pretty much wrote this past week and rushed hard-core, and it was so much better than the first part.
VastaKustutaI'm interested. More?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous 1 more for sure. I'm actually really flattered people are asking me for more. Although my next two Fics I have after this one should BLOW this one out of the water. (which isn't really saying much, I know) But I can't wait.
VastaKustutaIf I only have one problem with this story, is that it feels kinda rushed. Not in a bad way, but there is nothing wrong with a bit of fluff here and there. Besides that, great work, can't wait for the next part.
VastaKustuta@Volk the first part alone, or the whole thing?
VastaKustutaIt's kind of amusing how much story can happen without the actual story moving forwards at all.
VastaKustutaOh well. I kind of agree with the sentiment that Mac took the news a bit too well (I'm choosing to look at it as a bit of self-defense emotionally, but that's unsubstantiated conjecture so far). Whole story kind of has a meandering sort of serendipity to it, which could be good or bad depending on how you look at it.
I dunno, I'm alright on this, but it feels like it needs a bit more set-up (and I'm sure I'm sounding contradictory at this point).
Hah. I was quite happy to see an update, but as soon as I started reading I knew we would end up at the exact same place as with part 1. I do hope you will continue with this.
VastaKustutaYep, I'm wanting chapter three. Please if you feel the power, update soon.
VastaKustuta@DoubleMallow
VastaKustutaWell, the whole thing. It's not a bad thing for a story to be short and concise. Maybe it's just how I read it, but all the conversations felt rushed. It just seams to be trying to arrive at a point where a lot of story is going to happen, and the prerequisite bits are just there to frame up whats going to take place. Maybe I'm just being a bit critical, just putting my two cents out there.
@Volk
VastaKustutathe first part I definitely agree that the dialogue felt a bit rushed. The second, I don't Believe I could've done anything to make it better. I'll keep it in mind as I write part3.
@DoubleMallow Oh don't get me wrong, the second part is a marked improvement; I wouldn't be commenting if I didn't enjoy it. It's well written, and when you're describing what's going on, it doesn't feel rushed. The internal monologue both stories have throughout is great too. Honestly, now that both sides of the same story have come together, I'm sure it will flow very well in part III.
VastaKustuta@Volk
VastaKustutaI apologize if that sounded at all snappy, not my intent.
To anyone interested, here are those fics Seth is being whiny about.
VastaKustutaLuna's Sad Party:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zXuGJ7pyvaW9Z2mzhNOQZuiCh7Bdzj-5I8-4zv5zYe0/edit?hl=en
and it's sequel
Big Mac's Family Dinner:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mrTGngfomAnpO1fDqLtvRc7gczCH-Vbft0km9Jbs4pU/edit?hl=en_US
Oh alright, this looks like an interesting fic
VastaKustuta*Starts reading Chapter 1*
Well this isn't-BIG MAC I'M GAY
Goddamn it. Interest lost.
i want moar!
VastaKustutaMeh. I thought the second part was actually worse than the first. Your writing style is a little odd.
VastaKustutaFirst, you spend a lot of words to describe irrelevancies like Luna grooming herself, which gets kind of boring. It's perfectly OK to skip past those with a quick sentence and move along to plot points. Or just start at the plot point, since there's nothing interesting happening here until Twilight enters.
Second, your dialogue could use some work. A lot of these lines sound just a little bit stilted. Try to convey more with gestures and expressions rather than direct dialogue. Real people say a lot with just their body language. Oh, and turn down the Mac accent. It doesn't take much phonetic spelling to convey it, and then we don't have to suffer through "if'n'ya" and "ins-ahd". Word choice is more important than phonetic spelling.
Third, people generally don't monologue to themselves. For example: "Maybe I can sneak in there quietly, grab the journal, and sneak out. Maybe i could levitate it over? no wait, I can’t even SEE it from my current position." This would be much better written in a third person point of view: "She nudged the door open a bit farther. If only she could spot the book, she could levitate it over and sneak out again without even disturbing the other ponies!" Moreover, though, you could really improve this section by conveying Luna's reaction to strangers in her ostensibly undisturbed domain?
How the heck does a book survive for a thousand years, anyway, and exposed in a ruin to boot?
@Anonymous sorry bro, doesn't revolve around rainbow dash.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous 1) simple build-up and detailing, but i concur
VastaKustuta2) you're definitely right I did Have trouble trying to fit the accent in there, and i over-worked it.
3) I just felt some internal dialouge would be useful there, but if that was the case i should of used it in more cases or probably not at all.
4)Magic? (To self: CelestiaDamnit.)
I hope you get time to finish Chapter 3 one day, I'm waiting.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
Why would a Goddess, that knows she can live for thousands of years, not use some form of magical enchanted book when she writes down something important?
I mean, she wrote it down for a reason, so she could return to it if she ever forgot what she wrote down, so why would she write it down on something that can't survive for a long period of time?
Well, although not excellent, its still interesting enough for me to actually hope for a third chapter, although you need to work on the things that the last Anon told you, and well, add some backstory about why is Luna so depressed (I kinda know why, but still, its always fun to heard each author reasons). So please keep going with the story!
VastaKustutahurry up and wright!
VastaKustutaI love this Fanfic! It blows my mind and I would LOVE to read more of it. Only one little problem....YOU NEVER UPDATE!!! This is straight Six Star material and you never update it! COUNFOUND IT!!! YOU DRIVE ME TO DRIIINKING!!! *Rant done*
VastaKustutaUpdaaaaaaate
VastaKustutaI liked this enough to add it to my ever growing list of ones that I follow.
VastaKustutaPlease update?
VastaKustutaInb4 part 3 update.
VastaKustutaThis chapter was interesting. It seemed to progress naturally enough for the most part (perhaps still a bit rushed), but I think that Big Mac's actions don't seem to be matching Big Mac's thoughts.
VastaKustutaIn his mind he's acting like it is no big thing and he is already used to the idea of being friends with Luna; but the way he is actually reacting implies that he is almost perpetually henpecked by everything that she does without her knowing it.
And I can get it if he was frought with nervousness, but for the most part it doesn't seem like that is actually what is happening.
UPDATE! YAY!
VastaKustuta(Would a Pre-reader help with the updating at all?)
Can't wait for the next chapter!
~ Magical Trevor
I'd rather the story ended after yet-again-gay-Dash turns Big Mac down and he is left alone and miserable.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaI absolutely LOVE the concept, it sounds brilliant. My only criticism is a few grammatical errors, but I'm quite uncertain in that of my own regard...
VastaKustutaKEEP WRITING!!!!
OOH OOH Better yet!
VastaKustutaLuna turns him down BECAUSE SHE'S GAY TOO! I mean, that's how she's represented as in most fanfics!
@Eclipse
VastaKustuta... Can't tell if paraspriting... or just very full of mad...
I was surprised to see this story updated. I mean after so long I had to skim through the first two to make sure if I had read the second or not and just to plain ol' remind me of what happened in them.
VastaKustutaI'll read the 3rd one today but I wanted to ask what made you come back to this? course could just be that days seem like weeks, weeks feel like months and months seem like years in this fandom with all the crazy going ons and tons of fics that go by.
I just wanted to say that I am glad to see this being updated again and hope ch 3 turns out as enjoyable or more so then 2. I hope you remain diligent in your writing endeavors because I remembered being curious what a straight ship fic could be like (pretty sure this was a first I think if you don't count Abacus cause it's not even a living thing!) and I was surprised how well it came out so without further ado I am off to read ch.3 =3
I like the story-line, but not the writing style. Feels too rushed. But don't worry, you'll get better if you keep writing :). It takes time.
VastaKustutaThis needs an update, and soon.
VastaKustutaThis fic is not finished, I intend to do something drastic! >:3
VastaKustuta@DoubleMallow
VastaKustutaThen do something drastic NOW! I love this fic!! >.<
well then...
VastaKustuta