Author: Aoshi Stark
Editor: Scorch_Mechanic
Description: After a small argument between Applejack and Rainbow Dash over who has the harder job, each bets the other that they couldn't do their work for even one day. The deal is struck but there's only one problem, Applejack needs some wings. With Twilight away in Canterlot for the week, the pair turn to the only other pony they can think to help them, Zecora.To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves
To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves Part 2
To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves Part 3
To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves Part 4
To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves Part 5
To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves Part 6
To Trot a Mile in Another's Hooves Part 7 (New!)
To Trot a Mile In Another's Hooves Full PDF
Additional Tags: Role-Reversal, Friendship, Magic, Understanding, Long
116 comments:
Cool beans
ReplyDeleteLooks like a good read :)
Not bad however using the correct tense needs to be addressed. If this were a script for a episode you would use the present/future tense.But for stories use the past tense.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWhat this poster said. I liked the story and am excited to see where it's going, but the first two chapters seem to be written in present tense, while the newest one uses the past tense correctly. So I guess if you did it right in the last chapter, it should be smooth sailing from here on.
Cool story. Looking forward to what hijinx those 2 will no doubt get into later on.
ReplyDeleteBut Zecora's a zebra, not a pony. Unless pony is a state of mind? But her culture and behaviour is still somewhat different.
ReplyDeleteDigging this, looking forward to the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteIt's a neat story, but for the love of Celestia, please pick a tense and stick with it.
ReplyDeleteneed moar. great story so far, leaves me wanting to know the rest!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous My thoughts exactly! C'mon, people, stick with a tense!
ReplyDeleteBased on just the first chapter, this looks like a good story, but the tense shifts make it a pointlessly confusing read.
This whole fic was inspired by the image above, wasn't it? Your mind just kept saying "how would this have happened..." and a variant on the Freaky Friday thing sprung up.
ReplyDeleteNeeds less present tense. >.<
ReplyDeletehey there everypony, loving all this positive feed-back. Thanks for reading it and giving me some criticism too. Was speaking with my editor and we're going to try to go back and get all the tenses into past-tense only. It's a bit of a horrid writing habit of mine to accidentally shift tenses while writing. My bad.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
I actually made that image myself photoshoping the Recolor sheet that other pony did on here a little while back. Just for use with the Story and all. But yeah...I was looking at the recolor one night and it just hit me, "What if..."
As everyone else has said, nice story. It's nice to see something normal. I won't berate you about the tense shift thing, since you're already doing something about it. That was really the only downfall of the story, aside from a couple of word choice issues.
ReplyDelete5/5. Since you're getting it fixed, I won't hold grammar against you.
verreh nice.
ReplyDeleteand now for a joke:
Before you insult someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.
very rainbow dash, methinks.
There are a few spelling errors, but overall not bad, not bad at all...
ReplyDeleteRead the 3 parts, tenses bothered me, so I'm glad you're going back to fix. You've captured the character's nicely. I find it humorous that Rarity isn't considered by Applejack as somepony that could help her harvest apples, oh those two! I can practically hear the voices actresses delivering the lines you've given the characters. keep up the great work, I'll have my eye on this.
ReplyDelete>edited by Scorch_Mechanic
ReplyDeleteI hate to break this to you...but if this is the quality of scorch's editing, you really need to get another editor. Tense problems killed this story for me.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm plenty ashamed of it already, thank you.
Chapter 1 is done (waiting on approval and upload by PonyStark). Working on chapter 2 now.
I hope to have all the chapters properly tensed by thursday evening.
Quick update to anyone new or following:
ReplyDelete-Chapters 1 & 2 have been completely re-tensed and are good to go.
-Chapter 3 is large, so it's taking more time. Should be updated by the end of the day or tomorrow.
Really like it thus far, eagerly waiting for the next chapter! (When will it come?)
ReplyDeleteOh, and also, Confound these ponies! They drive me to read fanfiction!
I don't want to set a specific date for any chapters because I work and have college classes. I only get time to write between homework assignments. Though...depending on how long I want to make ch.4 it may be ready within a few weeks. possibly the end of the month (depends a lot on my free-time).
ReplyDeleteAlso, Chapter 3 was just updated to proper tense. Enjoy and peace *sleep*
Haha, this is great. I think what I'm looking forward to most is the reactions of the rest of the mane cast. Fluttershy flies over to tell Dash something, "Hello Rainbow D-WAAAAGH!" I hope Twilight returns early so we can see her reaction too.
ReplyDeleteI also love how we all seem to have collectively decided that the interior of Dash's house resembles a trendy penthouse apartment, rather than the pizza box-laden cave that might be expected.
Great concept, wonderfully realized, could totally see this as an episode. Just fix the tense problems and you'll be golden.
Well... damn. I've been wanting for a while now to write a story similar to this one (in fact, I think I've seen both PonyStark and Scorch on Synchtube around the same time I highlighted this idea on my own a while back)... but looking at it partway done now, and seeing it likely better-received than if I had written it, I can only say 'so far, so good'. Can't wait to see where it goes from here.
ReplyDeleteOk, fun read, but why on earth would Scootaloo know what hands are?
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDeleteSpike and the Diamond Dogs have them. Technically I suppose they're claws, but you get the idea.
We don't hammer logic too hard here.
yay I am happy.
ReplyDelete@Scorch Fair enough. I'll just read the line replacing hands with claws :P
ReplyDeleteThis chapter was so much FUN. The juxtaposition of Applejack's grounded nature with the breezy joy of flight was wonderful to read. I loved how Applejack really did master her wings.
ReplyDeleteEager to read more!
It's just like an episode in novel form, which is the highest praise I can think of.
ReplyDeleteAt first I was like "okay this is pretty cool"
ReplyDeleteBut then I was like "Yay Fluttershy"
Hmm... Applejack seems to be picking up the ability to fly a bit too quickly. Did that potion give her not only wings, but Dash's raw talent as well?
ReplyDeleteMoar Boar wants Moar plox.
ReplyDeleteI kind of agree that AJ picked up flying a little fast but if she only has one day to do all of this it kind of HAS to be rushed. It's like Dragonball and how Goku goes from 400 powerlevel to 9001 powerlevel relatively shortly and then manages to go from that simple 9000-30000 range to over 150 million by the time he beats Frieza. What I'm trying to say is... to be entertaining, sometimes things have to be a little rushed.
ReplyDeleteWell, concerning Rarity learned to fly with her magic wings in like 3 hours, I think it's realistic for AJ to learn to fly so fast.
ReplyDeleteIf they changed their bodies, AJ would only kind of have to relearn to fly, her/Dash's body already knows how to.
Dang, I really want to read this, but the tense change is just too distracting for me. Any chance you'll be editing this?
ReplyDeleteA truely great story, looking forward to more chapters and seeing how Rainbow Dash is doing as a Earth Pony.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for more! This story actually inspired my own that got posted.
ReplyDeleteI'm quite glad that this is still being updated.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy this is still being written! It's perhaps one of my favorite fanfictions on the site.
ReplyDeleteall right this looks interesting... *reads description* *looks at picture again*
ReplyDelete*double take* how long was i looking at that picture before i noticed!?!?
I've started to think, that project is abandoned. I'm happy, I've been wrong.
ReplyDeleteI love this story!
ReplyDeleteDidn't commented on this until now, I read the first four chapters of the story about a month or two ago.
ReplyDeleteI can't say anything much right now because I need to reread the chapters enough to make an impression...and that I'm flipping tired right now, really really tired.
Please continue what you do dear writer!
Thank you all so much for sticking with my story. I'm really glad Seth popped this update on around Peek Visiting Hours so almost everypony will see I have -not- forgotten my little project here on EQdaily. :)
ReplyDeleteThis Chapter was delivered REALLY late due to lots of Real-Life factors getting in the way.
College, College Finals, my job putting my hours up to full-time for the summer, and a plethora of other things including some really bad writer's block. My constant participation in the Newbie Artist Training Grounds didn't help the cause either, as each of my sketches takes roughly 2-3 hours for me. (that Event is awesome though, I'm so bad at Drawing but getting better ever time. :P)
Now that I finally broke my writer's block though I have a clear line set for the ending and expect to have this story wrapped up in 2-3 more Chapters. Expect Chapter 6 by the end of the month I'd say. Maybe sooner...
but... Zecora is a zebra, not a pony...
ReplyDelete@Casper
ReplyDeleteWould you agree she's a Pony-Sized Zebra? I mean, she does have a Cutie-Mark...kinda? :\
This is some of the best Zecora dialog I've seen. Most people just rhyme her without any though to meter.
ReplyDeleteWow... This was just awesome! I loved it so much. It was written just as well an actual episode... But... No mention of Rarity? :(
ReplyDeleteGLORIOUS! I do so love Appledash.
ReplyDeleteThis might as well be an episode turned fiction. I'm constantly amazed by how some ponies can write in the show's style so well, and this is among the best I've read so far. Life outside of ponies is important (kinda), but taking everything at your own pace will make for a better written story; I eagerly anticipate the next update, but no need to rush.
ReplyDeleteACK! SEeeetthhhh...You forgot to change my author name Bronie! D:
ReplyDelete@Colt.45
Thanks for the words of praise. don't forget to rate it. :D
Life has been doing everything it can to stand between me and my key-board most of the time, but I take every chance i get to crank out a page when i can. The story is nearing it's closing too...one, maybe two chapters left to go. >:)
Sorry also to the Rarity-fans. I tried to find a way to squeeze her in, just couldn't find room.
I sense impending chaos on the rise for Rainbow Dash.
ReplyDeleteyou MUST make more of this story!!!!!!!!!!!!!...........
ReplyDeleteplease this one time i beg you?!
I couldn't get past the second paragraph. When you're writing ANYTHING, you need to stick with a single tense and stick to it. The narration can't decide if it wants to be past or present tense and it bugs the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteOther than a little iffy tensing in the first chapter, it's pretty good. You've got the characters spot on, and you did well to come up with the rhymes for Zecora.
ReplyDeleteDear PonyStark,
ReplyDelete1) Loved Zecora's rhymes.
2) I love this and think it would make a very fun episode.
Sas
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAre there STILL tensing issues on Chapter 1???
Scorch and I thought we went back and fixed those WAY back in like, March..?!
Applebloom and Scootalo alone with the applecart for three hours! Dash will be lucky if it hasn't burned to the ground.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, Thank you everyone for taking the time to read my fic.
ReplyDeleteBuster and the other Anons recently talking about the Tensing:
I had no idea Chapter 1 still had so much tense problems. I just took about an hour with the help of a friend to re-read and re-edit the entire chapter. I'm fairly confident it is completely free of Present-Tense issues now. If you're still seeing them though, point them out specifically so I can find them. :(
Zecora-Anon: Zecora Dialogue is a challenge, and I likes me a challenge. >:)
Shadow: Somehow, Scootaloo and Applebloom blow up the whole market! /the end :X
I can only imagine that there will be immense property damage when Rainbow gets back.
ReplyDeleteIn chapter 3, Applejack cuts a sliver off her hoof and it causes some pain and leaves some blood.
ReplyDeleteHooves are made of the same material as fingernails, hair, and horns; they don't have nerve endings and don't bleed. There's a reason you can shoe a horse (which requires pounding nails into the hoof) without causing it pain, after all. The only way there'd be any blood or pain is if most or all of the hoof was cut off.
@banjo2E
ReplyDeleteBut just like your fingernail: behind the horn there is flesh which can bleed. And in the center of a hoof there is only flesh and (nearly) no horn (that's the reason the hoof-smith nails only on the edges.
Plase write more chapters! I am really enjoying reading this!
ReplyDeleteJust keep going with such a fun story! I know this is going to have a great ending! Thanks Jeffcat
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite fanfic so far. Just wanted you to know that ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep 'em coming...
ReplyDeleteAt part 4... SO glad you brought at least one other character into this, it would be a shame for this kind of switch to happen and none of the other mane cast around to see it! And Scootaloo is SO. ADORABLE.
ReplyDeleteThis is really a perfect storm of a story: a phenomenal concept backed up by an excellent execution, with the feel of an episode. (And it's happy!) And for as long as it is, it's paced perfectly. I couldn't ask for anything more. Except, y'know, more.
Just want everypony to know the last chapter (7) is done and was just sent off to Seth.
ReplyDeleteEveryone get your storm caps on, Weather Mare Applejack's callin' for a heck of a thunderstorm in the conclusion. ;)
Not a dead pony, human, or H.P Lovecraft crossover in sight.
ReplyDeleteDO NOT WANT
Rainbow got all of the rules of Applejack's job and she still messed up. Had Rainbow told Applejack that one small detail about stuff that could cause tornadoes..... that mess wouldn't have happened, so I say Applejack won
ReplyDeleteNot my favorite ship, but good story anyway.
ReplyDeleteNeeds more shipping!
ReplyDeletePretty good :D need more good story fanfic like this.
ReplyDelete[SPOILER]
ReplyDeleteWoo, its a Sonic Appleboom! :D
[/SPOILER]
That was a cool chapter, I liked the action scenes with the storm. Hope this isn't the last part though.
@BlasTech
ReplyDeleteWe're glad to hear it!
Unfortunately, this is the last part. Aoshi is stoked to be able to devote himself fully to the next project, and it's been sitting on the back burner for almost as long as To Trot a Mile has been in-progress. Can't say when it'll come up though. We'll see.
If MLP were to make a feature length film, this would be it.
ReplyDeleteAmazing. Amazing even more that you could do this without stepping into shipping territory.
Bravo. We need more of these. Like, what if Twilight and Pinkie or Fluttershy and Rarity switched places? I'd want to see that.
This needs an epilogue to finish it up. The ending felt a bit empty to me. otherwise a good read.
ReplyDeleteThis has always been one of my favorite stories, but I'm disappointed with the ending.
ReplyDeleteI was expecting the finale to see Applejack and Rainbow putting their newfound abilities to the test, working *together* to save the town. Instead Applejack saves the town and Rainbow just stands around and watches. Kind of sucks, since this basically reaffirms the popular perception that pegasi are inherently better than earth ponies.
I also don't know how I feel about Applejack pulling off a sonic rainboom, like, ten hours after learning how to fly. You know, that thing Rainbow trained basically her whole life to be able to do for the second time ever. Although I guess it *was* a life and death situation, just as it was in episode 16, so I can excuse that a teensy bit.
Most disappointing thing of all was the final segment. "Three cheers for Applejack, everypony!" Then a line about how Applejack feels blessed to have such good friends. But wait, I thought this was a fic starring Applejack *and* Rainbow Dash? So Applejack was the main star all along? I feel like I just got Trojan Pony'd.
Would have been nice if Rainbow got *some* of the limelight, like I don't know, a little blurb crediting her for deftly catching Applejack out of the air when she was falling to her doom at terminal velocity. Or maybe just giving her something else to do in the final chapter. Seeing a fic that was originally about the two of them end with an Applejack appreciation party seems a little weak.
Man this story was sweet it was seriously just like an episode. Great dramatic ending too :D
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a little weird that Applejack performed a Sonic Rainboom. I get that it was a life or death situation, that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that it is a RAINBOOM, and she has a RAINBOW trailing behind her. When Pinkie said a pegasus like Rainbow Dash, I assumed she meant one with a rainbow mane, or body, or something like that. I feel that Applejack's Sonic Rainboom should have been orange and yellow, then Dash would make up some kind of name like BlasTech thought of, Sonic Appleboom or something.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part the final chapter was a fitting conclusion, though I have to echo what G said above in regards to how it basically seemed to shift from a story about both of them having new learning experiences to a story about Applejack saving the day and Rainbow not really doing anything.
ReplyDeleteI mean, she did do stuff like trying to help evacuate the town and warning Big Mac about the incoming danger, but it was all treated as side actions to what Applejack was doing.
I'm also with what G said, and the ending felt a little...hollow. Overall it was a good story though.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, but no. Just no. AJ has no business WHATSOEVER pulling of a Sonic Rainboom. I was reading that and all the way going "Oh no... he isn't... Please tell me he isn't."
ReplyDeleteSeriously, the move that has been pulled of twice in Equestrian history, both by the same pony, being done by an earth pony who got wings a couple of hours before? Its just so utterly ridiculous it ruins the entire story for me.
I liked it up to the previous chapter, but in addition to the Rainboom, as others have stated this should not have ended with a "AJ is so awesome" bit. Have they already forgotten she started the storm in the first place? It should have ended with both of them admitting each other's job was harder then they thought, perhaps each of them saving the day in each other's role none the less. Its cliche, yes, but that is the tone you have been setting all this time. Rainbow indeed doesn't get enough credit in the end, and she should have done more to begin with.
Very decent story up until chapter 6 , very disappointing ending.
I'm gonna do these in order, starting with G. Let me just say I love when people give critique, and I love responding about it.
ReplyDelete@G.
1) Let me just first say it took me a long time to figure out how I wanted to end this story. Scorch can attest, I bounced ideas off him almost constantly. I was disappointed too when I had to go down the route I did, but an Earth Pony is an Earth Pony, and I couldn't think of any 'proper' way for Rainbow to help AJ other than giving her as much support as possible and ensuring everypony was evacuated from the area. What can an Earth Pony truly -do- besides run or hide against a storm like that?
2) Originally I wasn't planning to use it, but it seemed like where the fiction wanted to go. I read every single comment someone makes on my work, and near the middle there were some fans who felt that Zecora's potions didn't just swap their bodies but also some of their own natural abilities. Rainbow taking on a portion of AJ's raw strength (a la her moving an entire apple cart and bucking trees clear all on her own) and AJ taking up some of Rainbow's natural talent for flying (the Rainboom, the swift learning, ect). I don't know if you've done any fics yourself, but I'm sure any author out there can attest that some stories will eventually take on a life of their own, leading you down paths you originally didn't plan.
3) I tried to give Rainbow as much of the spotlight as I could, but this Fic is in the AJ section for a reason. I'll admit she ended up being the star unintentionally, but like I said in #2, stories take on their own direction sometimes.
4) Wouldn't you say AJ appreciates all the effort Rainbow Dash invested at the end to get everypony organized and rebuilding the farm?
@Pinkamina Diane Pie
I did have a plan to change it to AJ's colors in the rough-draft but it became hard to word the entire thing properly. You can't really call a Rainbow that only has 2 colors (orange and yellow) a Rainbow...so I just made a call that Rainbooms, as their names suggest, are always Rainbow colored; even if the pegasus performing it isn't rainbow colored herself. It made writing it a whole lot easier on me, sorry to disappoint in that regard.
Really good story, if you are going to read a fic about ponies this should be the one.
ReplyDeleteThe story idea is interesting enough and does a good job of portraying the characters. Personally, I would put it up there along with Past Sins, but because this story doesn't have that "epic" feel to it, which it isn't going for, it doesn't get the attention it deserves.
GO READ IT!
@Baree
ReplyDeleteDid you miss the part where they were both sitting under cover where the cart was and had that "realization" moment? Or did you not get that far?
Well done! This was an enjoyable read. :)
ReplyDeleteI liked 9/10ths of the story, but I think you rushed the ending. You said that the HAPPIEST Applejack has EVER felt is when she was flying. You tried to balance that out by saying that Rainbow Dash felt more rewarded by her work as an Earth Pony, but that's not the same. Yes, they have come to appreciate how hard the other works, but now it seems like Applejack is unfilled by her lot in life. Your lessons are unbalanced. You've only got half the Aesop here.
ReplyDeleteApplejack needs more than that moment when she's happy to have a lot of friends - she would have friends regardless of whether she had wings. She needs a moment when she reconnects with her farm. She needs a moment when she is working hard to restore the Acres, and she likes it as much or more than flying. Otherwise, I get this bleak sense that for the rest of her life, in the back of her mind, she's going to have that same "something is missing" feeling that Rainbow Dash had without her wings.
@Aoshi Stark
ReplyDelete> I tried to give Rainbow as much of
> the spotlight as I could, but this
> Fic is in the AJ section for a
> reason. I'll admit she ended up
> being the star unintentionally, but h
> like I said in #2, stories take on
> their own direction sometimes.
Yup. I totally got Trojan Pony'd.
Well, congratulations on writing a terrific Applejack fic. You really had me fooled. I mean, the story tags say Applejack *and* Rainbow Dash, and the story pic shows Applejack *and* Rainbow Dash, and both characters were given equal treatment up until the final chapter. I guess I was wrong to assume this story would turn out to be a fic about Applejack *and* Rainbow Dash, though. I should have been paying attention to a subtle clue pertaining to its placement in the story archive all along. @_@
For the record, it isn’t that I hate Applejack. I’m annoyed because I feel like I got duped. Like you set the bait to lure me into reading this story under false pretenses, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. But that’s all subjective.
Objectively, however, I don’t feel like this is a particularly good ending either. You’ve got a fic that sets out to show the pluses and minuses of each character’s respective life, only to admit that yeah, earth ponies really are pathetic and vulnerable compared to pegasi in the end. You’ve got two characters who are treated with parity for most of the story. Then at last call, you throw one of them under the bus so your personal favorite can steal the spotlight. It’s a broken trope.
This was an amazing fic 6/7ths of the time. I only hope your next story can carry the top notch storytelling quality that extra seventh of the distance.
Loved it!
ReplyDeleteUnlike some of the other commenters, I was very happy with the ending.
I enjoyed how they have their "we both have really hard jobs" epiphany at the climax, rather than after everything is over. It especially allowed for the ending to be much more thoroughly uplifting and happy than having the two friends being all apologetic with each other. It could have used a tad more at the end, than just Applejack realizing what wonderful friends she has, but really, it was very good.
And to all the people getting upset over the rainboom, it was a very lovely scene, you're all overreacting. And are you forgetting who Applejack traded places with? I don't know if the author intended it this way, but I justify it somewhat that Applejack doesn't just get wings, she get's Dash's wings. That, combined with the emotional power of the scene out to be enough to justify the rainboom, in my opinion.
Five stars, easily.
5 stars
ReplyDelete@Aoshi Stark
ReplyDeleteI'll be frank about this: If your intention from the start was to write an Applejack story to the extent of practically excluding Rainbow Dash from the plot when it came time to wrap everything up, you really should not have written the first 6 chapters of the story in a way that fostered equal character growth between them in the first place.
It creates expectations that go completely against what you are supposedly intending and it subverts the apparent main point of the story in the first place.
in chapter 1, applejack hit the tree so hard it changed the font
ReplyDelete@Aoshi Stark
ReplyDeleteYou mean when Rainbow admitted how easy she had it as a pegasus and how she felt almost imprisoned as an earth pony?
@Aoshi Stark
ReplyDeleteThat last comment perhaps came out a bit hostile, something I did not intent at all. My apologies.
Really enjoyed the last chapter. All of it was so cheesy, and I loved it.
ReplyDeleteI liked this story a lot, it really does feel like a possible episode for these two characters, however I do have to agree with the misrepresentation of AJ's Earth pony skills. Instead of spending 3 hours making pies with Pinkie(which isn't a skill exclusive to Earth ponies AFAIK) she could have spent more time on the farm, struggling with the more technical aspects of agriculture. Stuff like identifying and tending to the various crops, properly caring for the farm animals, preparing the soil with fertilizer for new crops, and even managing the farms finances.
ReplyDeleteAs for the tornado, if AJ and RD inherited each other's physical skills RD could have made use of AJ's rodeo skills here. Maybe used her strength and a lasso to save ponies from falling structures, her knot tying skills to hold buildings/trees in place, herding lost and frightened foals together and getting them to safety are just a couple ideas that could have worked.
Really great read seeing as I am just starting on reading any fics at all glad i started here but sadly this really felt like a punch out ending.
ReplyDeleteI mean they never even settled up on the bet I guess they kinda hit on it as the twister was forming but still seems like things got rushed as the end came along.
Also, the one day spell seems to end conveniently early with out a lampshade in sight.
I enjoyed the story quite a bit, but I feel that the ending was a bit rushed, and a few things were slightly off for me. I don't feel that either AJ or Dash should have been as good as they were at the other's job, and AJ should definitely not have been able to pull off a Sonic Rainboom. Other than that, I liked the story a lot. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteBUCK OF THE HEAVENS! RIGHTEOUS LIGHT SHINE FORTH!
ReplyDeleteThat was really cool. :D
OH MY GOD WOW SHE DID IT
The onomatopoeia is a little ridiculous in this. And there are still a couple errors in the last chapter. And the ending is really over-the-top. But WOW was that awesome! A great way to end the story nonetheless! No wait, I feel like this needs an epilogue! ENCORE!
I really liked this story, except for the ending.
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS:
I don't like the idea of anypony else doing a sonic rainboom, it's a special thing that only Rainbow does and I think it's partially possibly only because of Rainbow's mane. Just my opinion, but it was really good otherwise.
@Baree
ReplyDeleteDidn't feel the comment was hostile but thanks for clarifying.
@TenchiFreak5
What you wrote in your last comment seems like you really took the time to think that through. You've given me a very valid point and a very good thing to think about for my next works.
And more-so you did it very politely.
@G., Popcorn and everyone else who didn't like the taste of the ending.
Now that the story is done and I can take a step back from it and look at how it's grown I can say you all raise good arguments. Through most of the fiction, to put it metaphorically, AJ had the wheel and RBD ended up Side-car. I kind of realize this now, though from keyboard to Gdocs I honestly didn't see it. I am sorry I couldn't make more time for RBD, but I hope you at least liked reading what I wrote none the less. I didn't intend to dupe, trick or "Trojan Pony" anyone...this is honestly just how the fic came out in the end in my head.
I really loved this fic. I really like the part where applejack tells rainbow dash about how special the wings are. The whole premise of people who are very different trading jobs is one I could actually see in the show itself (Not in the way that you told it) but still.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really enjoyable story to read. I really have to commend you for getting Rainbow Dash's color right.
ReplyDeleteIt's not Cyan people!
I really liked this, has pretty accurate characterisaton and the idea behind it waas good. I do wish there was a bit more of Dash in it all but all in all it was good.
ReplyDeleteApart from a few continuity errors in the last chapter (In particular, Zecora's spell ending 7 or 8 hours early) I really liked it.
ReplyDelete1 major issue, is you completely forgot to sum up the crux of the story. Who won the bet?
@Matrilwood
ReplyDeleteNot an error at all, actually. Zecora's spell literally went against nature and The Way That Things Are Supposed To Be. The sheer power of the Rainboom pushed it past the tipping point and broke the spell early. It is for this reason that it took an hour to transfer the wings in the first place, but a matter of seconds to restore them to their proper place.
There's powerful inherent magic woven up in these ponies, don't ever forget it.
@Wierdplatformer
ReplyDeleteApparently, your email (wierdplatformer@gmail.com) doesn't exist and I wrote that giant email for nothing. Basically, to sum it up, FPP said I could and read this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13VWfIXwTJXuNk24nDQoSAo0mMPLptz3UmuQ8WcK3-e0/edit?hl=en_US#
@Wierdplatformer
ReplyDeleteApparently, your email (wierdplatformer@gmail.com) doesn't exist and I wrote that giant email for nothing. Basically, to sum it up, FPP said I could and read this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13VWfIXwTJXuNk24nDQoSAo0mMPLptz3UmuQ8WcK3-e0/edit?hl=en_US#
@s Oh my god wrong post sorry!
ReplyDeleteXC
I had one problem, and one problem only with reading this fanfic:
ReplyDeleteChapter 7 was the only good chapter.
As much as I enjoy casual character and story development, it didn't seem like you described the theme as well as you could have. I liked the last chapter because of how radical it was, kind of like what would happen in a real pony episode, but it had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with Rainbow Dash, and that kind of upset me.
Main issue: The problem caused at the end should have been Applejack AND Rainbow Dash's fault, and not just Applejack's.
Don't get me wrong, I could NEVER follow through with writing a fanfic based on something like this, but I think if I could, I would've taken it a little farther.
Sorry for the negative review, just trying to help =X
I can understand and accept that this turned into an Applejack-centric story. Honestly, it was leaning toward Applejack even in the earlier chapters.
ReplyDeleteI can also understand the Rainboom issue. Firstly, it's life or death, and secondly, they actually traded bodies. If you get the highly-trained body of the best flier in Equestria, you'll be able to do some amazing stuff, even discounting the other potential magics involved.
What is inexcusable, however, is the loose end you left untied. For crying out loud, who won the bet?!? You didn't even include a throw-away line between the two saying "Let's call this bet a draw, eh?", or anything. The bet just doesn't exist as far as the ending was concerned. I demand an epilogue to satisfy this issue.
I could defiantly see this as an episode, also. WHO WON THE BET?!?!?!? EPI-LOGUE! EPI-LOGUE! EPILOGUE! (/chant)
ReplyDelete@The unknown Rainbow Dash
ReplyDelete@ Terrible Person
Who did win the bet indeed...
Hmmm, perhaps a small epilogue is in order. I'll jot the note down and look into it when College isn't crushing me.
@ Jett
Negative Criticism shows me where I can improve on my next work. I take it all in stride brony.
DO IT DO IT DO IT.
ReplyDeletewell i was about to post my complaints about not knowing who won the bet, but i see that it has alreadt been taken care of
ReplyDelete