Author: Chicken Vortex
Description: A malevolent force has come to Equestria. Can Twilight stop it? Can anyone?Slender Mane
Slender Mane Part 2
Slender Mane Part 3
Slender Mane Part 4
Slender Mane Part 5 (New!)
Additional Tags: Paranoia, Hallucinations, Schitzoprenia, Sociophobia, Multiple-personality Disorder
223 kommentaari:
nty
VastaKustutaLooking at the tags it seems pretty promising, might be an actual grimdark that is scary. I'll rainbow dash it up and give it a read when I have free time.
VastaKustutaSlenderman it is.
VastaKustuta..............does slendermane want his 20 bits?
VastaKustutaMeh. Kind of reminds me of Ernest Scared Stupid. The troll come from the seeds of the tree as they fall to the ground and then they are defeated by milk and a mothers love.
VastaKustutaI think everyone knew this was coming when people started posting Slender Pony DeviantArts.
VastaKustutaDiggin' this story. Can't wait for the next chapter.
VastaKustuta-Doc
Anypony else look at the picture VERYYY carefully?
VastaKustutaBet you anything Rarity is the first to break.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaYou mean Slender Mane in the background?
Nothing get's you more paranoid then the deadly premonition man Francis York Morgan who appears to get the raincoat killer who happens to be a pony named Slim N. Shady.
VastaKustutaBefore you know it purple fog and psychological interpretations of yourself romping through your mind shooting things that are possibly real living ponies.
Slenderman crossover! YES!
VastaKustutaNice job on the story, I'm really liking it so far. Finish the next chapters soon!
Gosh darn it! This is such a great start to a story. Continue please! I want to be freaked out! :D
VastaKustutaHoly crap, I was going to write a story about slendermane too.
VastaKustutaReally, it's kind of freaky.
Dear Balderdashington if you want to be freaked out watch helloween4545 on youtube, he plays nothing but horror games and spouts off nonsense about his shotgun having a life of it's own.
VastaKustutaThat or you could watch the Evil Dead movies.
Then there's Zombieland.
Resident evil.
Jeepers Creepers, which is what slender man takes some of his mythos from.
Friday the 13th with Jason Vorhooves.
There are plenty of scary stuff like the game Ill Bleed too.
The house on haunted hill is a personal favorite(the 1999 version).
But yeah "Slender" is nothing more then a Jeepers knock-off, except "Slender" doesn't fly... or does slender mane fly with someones stolen wings? Now I'm wondering how grimdark this story can get because it'll probably match 'Cupcakes' line of thinking.
Er, yeah. No, Slender Man is not a Creeper rip-off. He's far more frightening.
VastaKustutaShoudln't it be:
VastaKustuta"A malevolent force has come to Equestria. Can Twilight stop it? Can anyPONY?"
How so Ron? Jeepers is a creature that rips out peoples body parts and then uses them in his own body, then he goes and uses said bodies to line the walls of a room. On top of that Jeepers is immortal and can be pinned to a barn wall for twenty three years without dying from blood loss.
VastaKustutaSlender is just like any old monster made from a combination of monsters, only there is not mythology for how to beat him yet and that is the only thing that's frightening about him.
He has some Freddy Kreuger level abilities to be sure, but I don't see how this is more frightening then the markers from Dead Space which mind control entire species into becoming their pawns to the point that they actually have a shot of taking over the universe.
What Slender does is simply randomly chooses a target and plays mind games with them, like the many interpretations of Jigsaw who has people brutalize themselves to live.
Ron? I didn't know you were a brony too.
VastaKustutaI love The Slender Man, and run a blog in the ARG.
Ron too.
I like this story.
VastaKustutaAnd then i researched Slender Man.
Now i am scared to death of this story....
I can't wait to see where this goes! Good writing!
VastaKustutaAlthough I can't say I got into the Marble Hornets series, this story definitely has my curiosity piqued. I'm looking forward to the next installment!
VastaKustutaWhy did it take me so long to get the pun!? I'm sitting here like "Slender ... Mane? Why's his mane slender? Huh??"
VastaKustutaHaven't read yet, but I don't think this fic will bother me. A bit too many jokes with friends about Slenderman trying to scare you then bumping his head on the doorframe. I'm afraid I've been desensitized. But I do love Slendy, so I'll read it if it's written well.
Well, there, you just said it yourself. Slender Man is like a conbo of many of the best monsters. Well, I guess mileage may vary, but he scares me more than any of those others monsters.
VastaKustutaHey, there Marnax. Sorry I had to cut my ARG short, but I'd done everything with the story of the stoy I could. :). So how's it been hanging, man?
What a tease! I want more.
VastaKustutaI thoroughly enjoyed it, can't wait to see some more!
VastaKustutaCrap. Meant to say, I'd done everything with Ron that I could. Yep. I'm a brony.
VastaKustutaI just might have to write a bit about seeing The Slender Pony in The Path Of White Leaves.
VastaKustutaRon, If you are confused, read my blog.
Keep up with current events. Looks like the ending is coming.
Aw, I'll miss your blog then. But it ends when it ends.
VastaKustutaOh! This is so exciting!
VastaKustutaIt looks like I have another story that I will follow closely.
How has everyone been talking about scary stuff for thirty commments, and not a single one of you has mentioned Amnesia?
VastaKustutaI don't get scared at movies anymore. That game scared the living shit out of me.
THANK YOU CHICKEN VORTEX, BUT DAMN YOU AT THE SAME TIME. I WAS GOING TO USE SLENDERMANE IN A STORY.
VastaKustutaRather creepy beginning! I'm interested to see where it goes from here.
VastaKustuta>>Are you Rainbow Dash enough to read it?!
VastaKustutaNo Ah Aint!
Ah aint Rainbow Dash enough to read it. I'm too fluttershy to dare, and Applejack enough to admit it.
I myself am a part of the Slendy Man ARG community. Not sure if anyone here's heard of DarkHarvest00, but anyways moving on: I think a Slender Man/Pony crossover is awesome because those are basically the two things I'm most interested in. I think there should be a subdivision of the two for where the two fandoms crossover. Slender bronies? I guess the name needs some work.
VastaKustutaMORE!
VastaKustuta@Aurastys Love Dark Harvest! If you're one of the creators, then you guys are doing an awesome job.
VastaKustutaOn the subject of the story, I can't wait to read the rest. Really well-written, and, despite the subject matter, it still feels like part of the FIM universe (e.g. "scari berries").
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
VastaKustutadats wat i said when i saw the title.
I read this alone. At midnight. In an old, creaky house.
VastaKustutaKinda creepy.
@Ron I don't mean my blog.
VastaKustutaI mean the whole story looks like it's building to the climax.
Wow, this is great! Can't wait for the next part. This first chapter was superbly written, although Zecora's rhyming seemed to start and stop throughout the chapter. Either that or it was kind of stretched. But still, awesome work!
VastaKustutaYAY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOREVVEEEERRRRR for THIS
VastaKustuta....... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
>>read description
VastaKustutaChallenge accepted.
>>read that fluttershy has been hurt
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
I doubt the whole thing is about to end. Perhaps entire plot threads about ol' Slendy are about to conclude, but as long as people begin new series about him, it woon't end.
VastaKustuta@Steve yes I am. The question is WHICH ONE? Hmmmm.... tricky question haha.
VastaKustutaYou'll find out eventually for sure though. In a future episode, probably over the summer, I intend on wearing a Rainbow Dash t-shirt.
Cantsleep.jpeg
VastaKustuta@Aquaman52
VastaKustutaAmnesia is stinkin scary, but its probably one of my favorite games ever. It's actually where I got my username (my friends and I call the monsters Wardens). I loves me the scary stuff.
This story is has some definite potential. I'm hooked, for sure. Can't wait to see where it goes.
And so I restart my creepypasta phase.
VastaKustutaExcellent.
@Aurastys Haha, I look forward to it good sir.
VastaKustutaI got into ponies last October and Slenderman last November, so they're two of my most recent interests too. Considering the number of different slenderpony pictures I have saved, I'd say the fandom crossover is fairly respectable.
This made me go watch Marble Hornets.
VastaKustutaYeah, I'm scared.
Huh. I'm not sure I like that they give Slender Mane this much of an explanation. part of what makes Slender Man scary is that you know nothing about him.
VastaKustuta@Pete
VastaKustutaMight not be true, afterall these are myths from a superstitious country.
It makes people feel better when they Think they know the origins of some monster, even if its completely untrue.
Appears the auto poster dun derped.
VastaKustutaUnless Seth wanted to post two things in the same minute?
That is called me forgetting i had something scheduled at 10 and doing a manual update ;p
VastaKustutaI am unashamedly loving this.
VastaKustutaOk, I am sure others have noticed this too. The author keeps using the words "people" and "man" and the like, instead of using "pony" or some variation of it. This is small, but, in a way, it breaks the mood of the story for me (and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one).
VastaKustutaPlease Chicken Vortex, please consider these as typos and fix them, and keep it in mind for future writings. I think we all will enjoy it more (or have a tougher time getting the stains out of our underwear, depending on how you look at it). :)
All I can think of is how sorry I feel for Spike. I think it'd be worst for him because as bad as it is to see your friend descend into paranoid delusions, it would be even worse for your mentor and parent figure who you live alone with to suddenly become dangerously psychotic.
VastaKustutaOkay, how many bronies here are part of the ARG?
VastaKustutaWoo, second part was great! Genuinely quite creepy, got chills and had to turn the light on while reading, lol. Can't wait for the next part, I really wanna find out more about that totem pole and see how the other ponies react.
VastaKustutaOne of the first creepy stories where I genuinely care about the character. I don't want Twilight to become insane! Also, could Zecora be the evil witch here?
VastaKustutaApparently, four of us, Marnax.
VastaKustutaWhy Fluttershy? WHY FLUTTERSHY?!
VastaKustuta@Marnax
VastaKustutaIn what sense? I follow some of the vlogs and keep up with some Unfiction threads, but I don't produce any content or solve any riddles.
Honestly, I think familiarity with the vlogs makes this story less scary. It helped me visualize some creepy parts (i.e., whenever Slender Mane was gliding by Twilight for a split second), but Slender Man stuff can be pretty funny! Pony silliness is kind of blurring together with Noah from TribeTwelve stabbing bushes or Jay from Marble Hornets wandering around abandoned houses in the middle of the night for no good reason. Both those Slender Man series are great and have entertained and terrified me, but for some reason I feel like this crossover emphasizes each continuity's silliness, not their scariness or potential for darkness.
In conclusion, DARK HARVEST BRONY HOLY CRAP. That series is my favorite!
p.s. Evan from EverymanHYBRID: kindred spirits with Dash, yes/no?
god dammit, Fluttershy
VastaKustutaYeah, Fluttershy was sort of . . . ABANDONING her friend! What the hell?! She couldn't even walk her back? . . . in the dark . . . with full knowledge of what the totem means, most likely . . . ok maybe this really IS how she would act. I picture her hiding under her bed, covering her eyes with her hooves, and muttering "I'm sorry." over and over again.
VastaKustutaNow we just need Twilight to carry around a camera and film herself, under the pretense of making a movie with her friends. Then she'll disappear and Fluttershy will go out after her.
VastaKustutaWe can call it: Marbleponies!
Fluttershy, you team-killing ****!
VastaKustutaAlso I am loving this. More!
The introduction, primarily Twilight's letter, inevitably reminded me of this Slender Man-related quote:
VastaKustuta"We didn't want to go, we didn't want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time..."
Foreshadowing? I dunno.
You know why I really like working the evening shift? Because I can come home around the same time every night and find a new chapter of this story to read before going to bed. This is awesome. SO awesome it makes me not want to sleep . . . like, never again.
VastaKustutaMoar.... moar... MOAR!
VastaKustutaI thought Slendermane's feet was a tree. Darn my monitor's contrast.
VastaKustuta3 Chapters in 3 days?!
VastaKustutaThis guy is a writing MACHINE!
Thank God no one's been murdered by Twilight yet. At least that's how it appears I guess...?
VastaKustutaWow, the guy writing this story is really great with work ethic... It must take him at least a couple hours to write these chapters and so far we've had one a day! Awesome stuff.
VastaKustutaAlso... last night, going to bed, I was drifting off to sleep and then I heard a tiny shift in my room (probably something electrical, I have no idea), and I instantly thought of some kind of slendermane Fluttershy with her eyes clawed out and her lips sewn shut standing behind me (I was facing the wall)... NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.
Creepy ambiance music is a must
VastaKustuta@Vopogon I dunno. I think silence is much scarier.
VastaKustutaCan't sleep, Slender Mane will eat me.
VastaKustutaI like it with and without music, though I always end up reading too slow to enjoy the ambiance.
VastaKustutaWhen I saw this, I had to stay up and read it. I can't wait for more.
VastaKustutaI've spent the past two days reading this and watching the Marble Hornets series. I haven't been this creepy-happy in a while!
VastaKustutaI love this idea. I can't wait for the next chapter.
I was so happy to see part three up when I got up this morning! The writing is still as good as ever and the descriptions of the way Twilight feels are great!
VastaKustutaMore! More!
You know... I don't really read books any more, I've kind of succumb to the modern age of FAST INFORMATION and EVERYTHING AT MY FINGERTIPS.
VastaKustutaBut I read this (my first peek at a fan fiction at all) out of curiosity (when it was posted, just because I enjoy scary tales, especially slender man, and was wondering how well it could translate to Ponies) and you know what... after finishing chapter three; it's actually good. God damn. First story i've enjoyed in a long time.
Well done, Chicken Vortex.
Double post - sorry!
VastaKustutaQuestion: is there a better way to keep track of Fanfics as they are posted? I can't expect Equestria Daily to keep track of EVERY ONE POSTED AND WHEN IT'S UPDATED... can I? Where is Chicken Vortex posting these? ... Ponychan? Is there a resource for this kind of thing? (yea I had a little google, fanfiction.net seems impossible to traverse... amidoinitwrong?)
Friends, Neighbors, and fellow bronies, the answer to getting rid of SlenderMane can be found here:
VastaKustutahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acBnEHT-fBo
Srsly, I got an overactive imagination. This will keep me up...
Slender Mane just needs his 20 bits
VastaKustutaBut it's a great story
I don't know if I'm a wimp or something, but this is the scariest thing I've ever read. The sense of atmosphere, Twilight's confusion and terror as she continues to see the Slender Mane...I'm outright scared myself!
VastaKustutaA combination between a slenderman creepypasta and a MLP fanfic? Hnnnnngh, I think I just came a little.
VastaKustutaWow that was creepy. I'm interested in seeing what comes next.
VastaKustutaThis was very well writtena nd it certainly freaked me out a bit.
Very well done.
My prediction (possible spoiler):
VastaKustutaTwilight will wake up to find herself wearing bandages again, and that it is Thursday. She will be invited to have snow cones.
Whether the next chapter is this or not, I look forward to it, despite the fact that this story makes the Grammar Nazi in me scream in fury. :)
imscaredplz.jpg
VastaKustutaI pissed myself in fear. D:
VastaKustutawhy does this update just before bed? D= i had nightmares last night, i need luna to chase them away or something..
VastaKustutaExcellent new chapter. I feel so bad for, well, everypony.
VastaKustutathe latest chapter wasn't bad, but I dunno how I feel about the reveal. monsters always become a little less scary when you reveal too much about them
VastaKustutaThis is so exciting.
VastaKustutaI, for one, LOVE that this gets updated at around midnight or so. Because you KNOW we are gonna stay up to read it if we have been reading this far anyway. Then we are just gonna stay up and stare at shadows wondering if th- . . . What was that noise?!
VastaKustuta@Anonymous "Also, could Zecora be the evil witch here?"
VastaKustutaGiven that we see her revelation through Twilight's eyes, and by now she's going seven sorts of crazy at once, I wouldn't count on that. Could be she's a witch, could be just another of Twilight's paranoid hallucinations.
I have Rainbow Dashed it up. I now do not want to sleep.
VastaKustutaWow.. so Pinky was right -- She WAS an evil enchantress!
VastaKustutaI usually don't go for the Grimdark stories but I follow a few of the 'Slenderman' series on Youtube and this one got me curious.
I usually don't read fanfic, no particular reason, just didn't.
VastaKustutaI saw MLP and slenderman in the same statement and was like "This is a good thing." And then it was.
Also, I like how the whole "perception of reality" angle is played here, it makes the whole story a whole lot more frightening because the character "telling" the story doesn't actually know what is going on.
Wait.....maybe I red this too quickly and didn't catch everything, but what is Zecora implying in part 4? What parallel is she drawing? Is this all in Twilight's head? Who buried Fluttershy?
VastaKustutaIn short.......WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????
Beauty.
VastaKustutaBut I agree with what Anonymous said above me. A lot of unanswered questions, but I assume that's just to add to the mystery of the story...
SPOILER
VastaKustutaWhy do I feel that if Luna stuck around the ending would have taken a 180? Great story, well written, but the ending is too "Standard horror movie" fare.
The ending was a bit anti-climatic
VastaKustutaSlenderman has always really annoyed me more than scared me.
VastaKustutaLittle Monsters (1989) actually scares me more than this stuff, most people involved with slenderman junk just try to hard and then it falls flat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MXYC_jX2Wc way more interesting.
that ending was...lacking
VastaKustutaThis story is very hard to fap to.
VastaKustuta=;/ not cool not cool
VastaKustutaSo Twilight and Fluttershy just vanish? Huh.
VastaKustutaGreat story over all but it fizzled out at the end imo.
VastaKustutaHmm.
VastaKustutaI expected better.
So that bright yellow eyed pony was Zecora? She was clocked after all so they thought she was a pony. And Twilight and Fluttershy turned into her nakamas?? And ended up living in Fluttershy's cottage? My mind is full of apples.
VastaKustuta...
VastaKustutaWell that was certainly a nice, cheerful tale. Sleep well, everypony :)
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI agree. I feel that the ending could have be more developed.
SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!!
VastaKustutaOk, for everypony that doesn't understand the ending I think I can explain.
Fluttershy was initially buried (by Twilight under mind control my slender mane) to be turned into another one of the Horrible Trees. That didn't pan out though. Later, it turned out that Twilight and Fluttershy ended up in the hospital, with Twilight possessed by the HORROR of slender mane. Twilight gimped up and infected Fluttershy with the nightmare terror. Then the two escaped off into the everfree forest, imbued with the evil immortal power of being slender mane's minions (remember what Zecora said about the berries giving everlasting life at a GRAVE price?) They replaced Zecora as slender mane's assistants, and abduct the little fillies to plant in the evil groves. Yes, they could live forever, but they were trapped in a horrible nightmare life in which every thought was a terror that would drive you crazy, AND they had to obey their master's evil demands.
Chicken Vortex, if I am off on this then please correct me, and BTW I really enjoyed this. I hope you make more. IMHO chapter three was the most frightening. I will have to agree with some of the other commenters when they say that letting the audience know too much DOES make it less scary (the only place I saw this happen was with Zecora's monologue in chapter 4). But all in all this was good stuff, and made me poop my pants . . . and then poop my pants again.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaSPOILER.
Nakama has more a meaning of "friend who is like family". I think the word you are looking for is actually "rape-slave". Those who are so brutally violated and beaten into submission that they no longer care what their actions are, just as long as they appease their master.
And I don't think it was Zecora who was the master.
Now we just another author to continue the story and we'll have a whole Slender Mane mythos.
VastaKustutaAnd to the guy who insist that Slender Man isn't frightening. Yes, we get it. He doesn't scare you. You don't need to repeat every comment you make.
VastaKustutaConfound this story, it's driven me to insomnia. Excellent story bronie,
VastaKustutaIt was a really good story and I should have known better than to hope for a happy ending.
VastaKustutaThe story was very well written, but I feel that too much was left unanswered. What was so significant about the day Twilight couldn't recall? What exactly was the totem/ Was Zecora really evil? How did Flutteershy end up half dead and buried alive?
VastaKustutaI STRONGLY feel that this story deserves a bonus chapter observing the events from other perspectives, perhaps through Fluttershy's, Dash's, Pinkie's, or even Spike's eyes.
I guess I'm just looking for a little more closure.
P.S. How dare you make Fluttershy, of all ponies, the subject of the savage beating and horror of this story. The thought of such an innocent pony being nearly killed then buried alive brought tears to my eyes =(
Well. I am depressed. Thank you Chicken Vortex. Thank you for writing such a depressing story with such a depressing ending. Fucking dammit.
VastaKustutaOh, I think I get it. Twilight and Fluttershy disappeared because Twi must have teleported the both of them out of the hospital and to... wherever.
VastaKustutaFurther proving that it was all in Twilight's head and that she simply went batshit fucking insane. With a hint of homicide. Er, ponicide.
That was a great story Chicken. As a normal reader of horror stories, I was hooked by your writing and was genuinely interested at every turn. The reactions Twilight had internally through the entire story was fantastic and believable.
VastaKustutaThe fact that you updated every day was very nice as well. A lot of times I start reading stories on here and they never update or finish. You not only finished it, but in good time which I thank you for.
If you have any more stories I hope to read them, particularly more horror since I can't seem to stop being intrigued by them.
I wish it had a happy ending, though I suppose horror, real horror, can't. But still, I wish it did.
VastaKustutaOh man. That certainly was a thilling story. I liked it. I thought it had a really good beginning, like you set up the little story with Zecora and stuff.
VastaKustutaThe ending though. That was just eerie and honestly, didn't make much sense.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaWell. You certainly cleared up things for me. Heh, its better then what I could have came up with.
Which was nothing XD
Seems a bit hurried, and there are too many unanswered questions, apart that, it was very good, and could use some bonus chapters.
VastaKustutaI think Grimdark is now my favorite type of story.
VastaKustutaExcellent story, though the ending was a little unsatisfying. I like the direction, I just think it could have used more detail. But conclusive at least =3
SUPER SPOILERS
VastaKustutaHello Everyone. I'm glad to hear that for the most part you liked my story. I tried very hard to make it something scary without resorting to just plain violent, and judging by your comments it seems like I did OK.
As far as the last chapter is concerned, there's not really much I can say. I thought I did well, but from reading your comments it seems I've let almost everyone down and doomed my story to be forever sub par to what it could have been, so I'm sorry for that. I'll try to answer some of your questions however nonetheless to see if I can clear things up a bit.
First of all I should mention that I was intentionally trying to leave this story more open to the readers interpretation. I wanted you to decide what was real or not. I had hoped that doing so would give the story another dimension of interest to it that I couldn't create via my writing alone.
Perhaps this wasn't the case however, so let me say that everything that Twilight saw was real, it was just seen through here eyes, which were clouded by paranoia and fear from being infected with the scari berry. Lost time is an important part of the Slender Mane myth, and it made sense to me that this would be medically caused by a split personality forming, which is what happened when Twilight first interacted with Slender Mane. The images were so traumatic that her mind tried to lock them away.
On the missing day Twilight was her split personality. She was paranoid of her friends, violent, and resentful, especially toward Fluttershy, who had supposedly betrayed her. When she went to her house things got out of hand and she attacked her. It was Slender Mane's influence that caused her to bury her on the edge of the forest (like he had been) and to mark it with the totem pole.
In the swamp, when Twilight encountered Slender Mane for the last time, a similar experience occurred, except there were so many traumatic memories given to her that her original personality was pretty much lost among them. She wasn't turned into a "mind slave" exactly, but she went through the same experience that Slender Mane did in the strange place beyond the door, so it had similar results. The same happened to Fluttershy in and after leaving the hospital.
I've always imagined Slender Mane to be a being who's not quite alive, similar to an apparition. The two ponies on the edge of the Everfree Forest that were once Twilight and Fluttershy were the same, but independent of him. The stories that the parents told the fillies weren't completely true due to the mystery surrounding the whole event. I had hoped to point this out by mentioning the false facts about the trees (screaming when you stab them, the berries killing you on the spot) and also by how much time had passed.
On the whole the epilogue was supposed to be the most uncertain. It was supposed to show that even though the story had ended, and everyone had forgotten about the events that had happened, it still wasn't over. Even though the fillies were happy thinking it was just a story there was still some truth to it, and you, the reader, knew that it WAS something they should be afraid of after all.
So that's my take on things. I think I'm going to take a break from writing, but I'll keep checking on these comments. Please feel free to tell me how I could have improved the ending, what you would have done. Despite myself I still hope to get better at this.
As a last note, I think someone asked how to keep track of my stories or something. If you click on my name I've made a little blog entry with links to everything I've written here on EqD. I try to keep it updated when something changes, so as far as I'm concerned, that's where you can go to follow my writing.
Until next time, Thank you again everyone for being interested in my stuff.
@Chicken Vortex
VastaKustutaHi, Chicken. Thanks for the explanation. This will go a long way to putting things together, I think.
It has suddenly occurred to me that it was never explained about the strange door the monk entered, or the stranger with the box and key who initially met with the monk. I hope it stays that way. There are things that are just have far greater impact when left to the reader's imagination.
Having said that, I still want to see more of your stories. With practice I think you can make something really super-shit-your-pants frightening . . . you know, if you want to do that to people, I mean.
It seems that many consider your last chapter of this story to be the weakest, but I think that is just because they didn't understand it enough. It looks like now you are going to have to skirt the fine line between explaining things too much (and lessening the impact) and being too ambiguous (and risk losing the understanding of the reader). In this case I think you may want to consider keeping the ambiguity level the same, but take VERY special care in the wording you use when describing things. Stories can be simple and to the point while still being subtle. It's tough at times but it can be done.
But again: thank you and good stuff all around.
It was the scariest thing I've ever saw or read. brrr , I am still scared.
VastaKustutaGood story, but I wish it had had a happy ending...
VastaKustuta@brian_13090
VastaKustutaNo ending will ever be a happy one with the slender-stories. In deed, they shouldn't be. There should always be a few stories somewhere that end by terrifying or saddening us. It is better this way. Things like this let us know we are still alive, and keep us guessing at how long it will be that way. It keeps us from taking our lives for granted. Sweet dreams.
I wasn't entirely pleased with the ending, but that's okay. Well done ghost story. Actually I kind of wish you had done more with the unreliable narrator, to have Twilight not trusting her friends through paranoid interpretations of their actions, but ...
VastaKustutaBy the way, what was the blood in the bathroom about? Did Twilight attack Spike or was she hallucinating that? Who jammed the door, or was that also in her head?
Oh, just thought of it, maybe she cleaned up after attacking Fluttershy and then teleported out while under Slendermane's influence?
@Chicken Vortex
VastaKustutaHi -- Kennet Brent (also on blogger) and I have been starting to turn some fanfics into .epub files for those who'd rather read longer stories like this on eReaders such as Nook, Kindle, etc. I was planning on working on Slendermane but wanted to ask you first.
I can't hide the fact that I'm disappointed with the ending, but not the way it ended, just the fact that you missed opportunities to bring us down with Twilight more.
VastaKustutaIn my opinion her descent around Zecora is well executed, but around the time she starts dealing with Ponyville it seems rushed. More time spent unnerving the reader with better detailed accounts (Which don't have to be reliable) about what is happening would be much more satisfying.
great, looks like it's going to be another sleepless night for me, damn good story though
VastaKustuta@Sorrowful
VastaKustutaHey there Kennet. Thanks for asking permission. I'm fine with you turning my story into a .epub file.
OK ... this is a very sad sad story ...
VastaKustutaThings happened i didn't expect at all.
Like Fluttershy abandoning Twilight ....
Now i wonder, is slender mane physically existent or are things like moving doors just Twilights imagination.
Also why did Zecora ask for help to cut down the tree in the first place?
She obviously didnt want to harm anyone ... but she wasn't much help either.
That was the greatest fan-fic I have ever read! Also, the only fan-fic I've ever read.
VastaKustutaWell that was fucking creepy!!
VastaKustutaI did plan on sleeping but fuck it ill watch some more ponies
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI'm glad I was able to make you watch more ponies :)
This was the first MLP fanfiction I had ever read and it is going down as one of my favorite fanfictions ever.
VastaKustutaI love Slender Man and the whole mythos, and MLP:FiM is just magical; but a combination of the two most wonderful things ever to be created? Put together so well and written even better?
Amazing.
This story put out a whole new view on Slender Man that no one has explored; him having links to a person prior to the haunting/curse. Simply amazing.
Bravo, Vortex, bravo.
@KisaShika
VastaKustuta<3
I really should not read this or I will lose sleep. oh well
VastaKustutaI'm only on chapter 3 and I'm already twitchy. Is this normal or am I just acting like a foal?
VastaKustutaD: 5/5
VastaKustutaChapter 3 also and I'm hooked, this is soo good.
VastaKustuta...There was a fanfic named "Cupcakes?" Are you sure?
It was a good, spooky, and interesting read.
VastaKustuta...and then BAD END happened. I RAGE'd.
Woah, Marble Parasprites, or is it EveryponyHybrid, can't think of one for TribeTwelve. Great story too, definitely creepier than Cupcakes.
VastaKustutaI love this story. Seriously, it's very creepy and well written. Some extra time spent with twilight thinking her friends were out to get her would have been nice though. You get a very solid 8.5/10 from me, good sir.
VastaKustutaGood stuff. Makes me a little paranoid of falling asleep tonight.
VastaKustutaI was expecting this to be a lot longer; five chapters just doesn't seem to capture the mounting horror of the story.
VastaKustutaWELL THANKS!!! I WASN'T PLANNING ON SLEEPING ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaOH GOD I SEE IT
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaOh Celestia I can't stop laughing! I'm sorry, no offense, but I just imagined you staring at your computer screen for over a month now, trying to see what other anonymous was referring to, then just BARELY realizing what it was and totally flipping out.
You sir, have made my day.
Last story you wrote that I haven't read yet. Since the others were awesome, this one will be too.
VastaKustuta(Did I really need to comment BEFORE I read it? I hate to be hypercommunicative like tonight D:)
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VastaKustutaZmFjdCBvciBmaWN0aW9uLCB3ZSB3aWxsIGNvbnF1ZXIgZXZlcnkgd29ybGQuIG5vdGhpbmcgY2FuIHN0b3AgdXMuIHdlIHdpbGwgZmluZCB5b3UuIGZpbmR0aGVhcms=
VastaKustutaWere you implying that the "visitor" that left the key in the box was, in fact, the Slender Man we know and love?
VastaKustutaHmm... I suppose that would make the box he left behind the Ark, then, wouldn't it?
...which would mean...
...holy shit, I've a new theory for Marble Hornets...
@Shiko
VastaKustutaI like you Shiko. You're nice.
I've been listening to this while reading:
VastaKustutahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbrSZZLTHEI
I'm scared...
God this story was amazing. No other story has ever given me such a feeling of... well horror!
VastaKustutaAnyways, I am slightly dissappointed of the end :S
I wish there were more, but I suppose you can only get so much out of an horror story!
I...don't get what everypony else was griping about the ending.
VastaKustutaThis was a wonderfully written story and was truly chilling. I've gotten used to the old standby's of Silent Hill and even (somewhat) Amnesia - and this still scared me. It wasn't knowing what was coming after you. It was SEEING it and NOT knowing. Not knowing what or why or how it was doing what it was doing - only knowing you couldn't escape, you couldn't kill it, and you were...inevitably...going to die.
Well done. o o;
@Anonymous
VastaKustutahttp://www.youtube.com/user/MarbleHornets
it'll explain everything
giggle at the ghosties
VastaKustuta........well that was a terrible ending lol naaa it was a good fan fic and slender man is beast
VastaKustutaGood fanfic, but poor Twi and Fluttershy! They didn't die, but it would've been better if they had rather then become monsters that kill children, er, fillies.
VastaKustutaI was shivering while reading this one, gosh was it creepy... and the ending didn't make me feel better at all, images of Twi and Shy killing little fillies was just... eeeww gross, gross, gross! and yes this is my mind blowing up.
VastaKustutaAnyway, it's a 6 stars fo sure.
the horror! THE HORROR!
The ending didn't make any sense until I realized something.
VastaKustutaWhat if Twilight was being hallowed?
It makes sense. Blacking out and the slender man at every turn! If only she was coughing, but maybe the hallowing doesn't affect ponies like that. This just made an already good fanfic with a strange ending into a good fanfic in general. Yippee.
Mind so blown. I've seen all of Marble Hornets a few times over, and this story gave me the creeps just as much as the first time I watched it. The descriptions of Twilight and Fluttershy damn near made me cry. Bravo indeed. Six stars.
VastaKustutaWell, I'll be honest. In a way, you replaced my fear of Slender Man with anger. Not because of a bad story, no. It was fantastic. But the fact that I had to sit and watch as some of my favorite characters were left to the will of such an evil being. And I couldn't do crap about it. So now instead of sitting in fear at night I want to fight him.
VastaKustutaAs much as I hate the fact that it wasn't a happy ending, I totally see your point. Besides, it's hard to make a good happy ending these days with stories like these. Many take the cheap way out by saying it's a dream or something. And that's cheesy. And people don't like that. In order to have a good happy ending today, the problem at hand has to solved, beaten, ect. By leaving it vague, you gave us a different entertainment by letting us imagine how life played out afterwards.
I believe it only bothers me because of the 2 characters that were chosen for the bad stuff to happen to. Twilight because she's my favorite character and Fluttershy because, well, it's Fluttershy. I liked the ending, a lot. Just the characters that hated to see it happen to the most. But that makes it even more saddening to me, which, in turn makes it better.
im sad becasue of the ending
VastaKustutabut happy of the crossover
FUCK
VastaKustutaYOU
SIR
....
THAT
WAS
JUST
WRONG!
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI couldn't agree more...
Dear Princess Celestia,
VastaKustutaToday I learned a very important fact about reading fanfiction; Never, EVER read anything in the grimdark category that involves psychological torment and/or delusions of the mind after the sun goes down and everypony is asleep except you. EVER.
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I liked it. Chilling, and I had to go watch Bridle Gossip right after this to make sure all was right. Giggle at the ghostie...
VastaKustutaI have to say, though, it wasn't as scary as it could've been simply because a lot of the Lovecraftian horror was lost. The biggest differences between Slender Man and Slender Mane is that Slender Mane has a backstory, a cause, a goal, and even an accomplice; you know what Slender Mane is going to do to you, etc. A huge part of what makes Slender Man so scary is that it takes HUGE advantage of our natural fear of the unknown.
Props for that ending, though. That was really creepy.
Yesterday night I read the first two chapters. Then I tried to sleep. After 2 hours of lying awake I decided to finish the story. It was really creepy. I liked it. (Btw, after I finished it I could sleep again. I really should have learned by now that I should read or watcht this kind of stuff before I go to bed).
VastaKustutaNow only one story to go and I've read all your stories ;)
Well then, if you excuse me, I'm never going to sleep ever again.
VastaKustutaAbsolutely bone-chilling. Highly recommneded. Cupcakes ain't got SHIT on this.
VastaKustutaI was enjoying the story up till the end of chapter 4 and all of chapter 5. When Zecora started saying that she was working with Slender mane, it kinda contradicted how worried she was when she found Twilight had gotten the berry on her, and the ending was just plain disappointing. they just vanished out of the room with no explanation and no follow up just, they're not here and we never saw a trace of them ever again.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutawhy does it look like pinkamena...
Oh my god... I'm SO glad i didn't read this at night or in the dark. It scared me even with all the lights on!
VastaKustutaI'd seen the videos about Slender Man a few years ago and COMPLETELY forgot about him until I started reading a few of the comments.
Honestly, I think this was done better than those videos.
Good work at scaring me half to death! :p
A thought just occurred to me.
VastaKustutaThe trees seem to grow from ponies/foals beaten half to death and buried alive. Zecora says the trees have a spirit. That means the screaming heard from burning the roots is probably whatever is left of the poor pony's spirit crying out in agony as it is destroyed. So, in the future, when the trees are cut down and burned by those trying to keep them at bay, they have to listen to the screams of lost foals.
Makes you wonder, who was the victim screaming in the beginning of the story?
Well..this has officaly made me paranoid...The ending pissed me off though. Good story..just the ending I didn't like.
VastaKustutaScari berry? sounds like Datura
VastaKustutaI agree with Jet. I'm probably gonna have nightmares tonight (yay for reading this at 3 AM), but the ending..... wtf.
VastaKustutaThank you for writing such a great story. I was going to go to sleep tonight but I think I'll just stay up all night and read some happy fan fics
VastaKustutaThis story scared the living shit out of me, especially the ending. Tho few people seemed to like it, I think it rounded things up in a nice way, giving room for the dark curse to continue.
VastaKustutaBut seriously, is there some kind of medicin against paranoia and/or extreme dread? Because that's what's inside me at the moment D:
that was bucking terrifying. I really shouldn't have started reading this at 1 am, but I literally could not pull myself away from this......
VastaKustutanow THAT is the mark of a good story....
Cool story man.... Though a few things I'd like to point out
VastaKustutaFirst off when you had zecora speak Swahili (“Jua na mwezi kulinda mimi!” “Pepo wabaya fujo si hii nyumbani!”) did u purposely mean "The sun and moon to protect me!" "Paradise is not a bad mess at home!" or was that just a fluke?
Second very suspenseful and unexpected that she was actualy the bad guy/girl/pony I thought it might been Fluttershy but way to keep me on it.
A song that reminds me of this.... "Invasion" from the "bleach" ost it fits in many parts.
Also I came expecting blood and guts left with mental ponies and awkward feelings... Awesome... Simply awesome
"One, Two he'll come for you
Three, Four lock your door
Five, Six Walking through Bricks
Seven, Eight It's to late
Nine, Ten..... "He's made it in" or "you can't run from him"
(Say that in a creepy little kid voice XD)
"We all know it's Mr. Slender Mane, (Tap foot to three beats to syllables) Mr. Slender Mane, Mr. Slender Mane, we all know its The Mr. Slender Mane and he's gonna come... For you"
Again awesome story my friend... Also I literally saw this playing in my head... Unfrocking believable... I mean it seriously seemed so real that it could literally work if MLP ever took on a more adult type of persona I can see that and I'm okay with it.... True story
Also another song "Lullaby for a dead man" fits by elena seigman
This story was awesome, and actually caused an incident in real life. I had just finished reading it quite late at night (and got creeped out in the process, congratulations) and it inspired me to tell my brother about the slender man. Later on, I was on Fallout 3, and he was still looking up stuff about the slender man on the laptop. We were both a quite creeped out, but we continued discussing it anyway. Then at around midnight (ikr!) I opened a door into a large, open room in an underground sewer system. Tension was high, and our eyes were drawn to the screen. There were enemies, but we couldn't see them. I looked left. I looked right. And a feral ghoul jumped out of nowhere, half a metre from my character's face, completely filling the screen! Both of us actually screamed. The lights were on and it had to be one of scariest experiences of my life. Thanks for setting it up :P once again, great story.
VastaKustutaah i started reading at 2:00 in the morning now my mind has been well and truly fucked, i'd hate to loose my mind like that in real life :/
VastaKustutagood story though just very disturbing (congrats on creeping me out)
and I think next time i read a story like this ill do it during the DAYTIME when i wont get as scared.
I am working on my own batch of Slendermane stories that are 'sequels' to this storyline. It's a real Apocalypse story, and I'm having fun writing it. Hopefully it will make it to EqD soon.
VastaKustuta@Xander
VastaKustutaDo me proud Xander. Do me proud.
Jua na mwezi kulinda mimi! Pepo wabaya fujo si hii nyumbani!
VastaKustutaThe sun and moon to protect me! Is not this evil mess at home!
Oh google translate, what would I do without you?
This story is amazing! It touched me.
VastaKustutaThat was one creepy story. The way it turns into a movie in my head made it much worse.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta