[Normal] Dash doesn't know what image to assign this story either! Another human-in-Equestria story for you guys. Check it out!
Author: IceMane
Description: After strange dreams invade Chris's mind, he tries to figure out the meaning behind the snippets he can remember, but as he starts seeing strange phenomena in the sky, he begins to suspect that the two are not coincidence.Recon: Part I
Recon: Part II
Recon: Part III
Recon: Part IV
Recon: Part V
Recon: Part VI
Recon: Part VII (New!)
Recon: Part VIII (New!)
Additional Tags: Human In Equestria, Ponies in Human world, Mystery, Adventure, New York.
81 kommentaari:
Good so far...I want to see where you are going to go with this. Carry on!
VastaKustutaNice start ... but it's just a start :) I want to read more !
VastaKustutaPretty good stuff! Well written and for some reason very easy to read. Quite possibly due to all the paragraphs and spacing; definitely keep that up. Interesting; I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes!
VastaKustutaNice story! I'm eager to see how this plays out. I'm a fan of human in Equestria crossovers, and this looks promising.
VastaKustutaDo want more... I always love a human in Equestria story.
VastaKustutaBLogger ate my comment, that's weird.
VastaKustutaI wholeheartedly agree that this reads really easily and flows well. It's got that kind of writing style that just flows.
I really liked this, and I'll be keeping my eyes out for more.
- Pride
Really good so far. Looking forward to the next part. O.o
VastaKustutaI wouldn't mind longer chapters, but its OK.
VastaKustutado go on. this is interesting...
VastaKustutaSo awesome. Write more. DO ITTTT
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaLooks interesting, hope to see more.
VastaKustutaWhoops. Deleted my comment... I was saying, ch 4 will beout later today ^_^
VastaKustutaCool, is Ch4 out yet? o3o
VastaKustutaOk, perhaps a little later than expected, (talk about taking a leaf outta gabe newell's book) here is chapter four. At least its a few hours late, and not a few years :3
VastaKustutaand never fear bronies, this chapter is a whopping 7 pages!
MORE PAGES, MORE PAGES! OUR THIRST WILL NEVER BE QUENCHED!
VastaKustutai would like to humbly order you to write more
VastaKustutaI like where this story is going...kinda reminds me of Conversion Bureau, but I like the approach of this story more.
VastaKustutaThe Brony Khan demands more Ponies. Nao.
VastaKustutaMore recon!
VastaKustuta*Imreadingthisfucker.jpg*
Ahh last part was kinda short, I hope the next part is longer.
VastaKustutaI just finished the 4 chapters and I wonder when the 5th would come out. Then BOOM! its out. I can honestly say that this is the only fan fic that I enjoy.
VastaKustutaThis is awesome! And the funny part is, not long ago I had a dream of being a pegasus pony (no joke). Let me tell you, that feeling of freedom is overwhelming. I'd love to be in Chris's hooves in the storyline. I just want to fly...
VastaKustutaKeep writing! Great fanfic and intriguing story!
@bpskotch:
VastaKustutaSon. Join the airforce. Sure you might have to kill people from time to time but at least you can fly.
I think that's enough of human in equestria stuff from now on, it's too boring...
VastaKustuta@Rohit Eligeti
VastaKustutaI can't get enough human in equestria.
Partly because I know I'll never be able to go to Equestria.
Goddamn I just depressed myself, better go eat some candy or some shit.
Yo dawg if you seeing this you always gonna put other side-chars fuck up other char's banners?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaTo answer your question, there is no spoon good sir.
About chapter 5, i feel i rushed it. Sorry >. > but due to happenings behind the scenes, i now may contribute more time to fic writing! Yay!
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI wish I could do things like that. Sadly, my vision would never permit it. I have a bad case of near-sightedness, so yeah =/
Im reading more fanfiction than what is being produced
VastaKustutaAnd im loving this one.
Cant wait to find out why they gave him wings (seems like a plot hole not knowing)
Can't wait for next part! :)
VastaKustutaIts worth a read if you like us in them.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaChapter 6 was postponed due to finals, summer should allow for plenty more chapters! :D
VastaKustutavery awesome story dude! best plot advancment i've seen yet. keep up the good work, and i'll be waiting for ch. 6.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaWell you'll be happy to know that beginning of summer chaos is over, and that Ch6 is nearly done!
how much longer?????
VastaKustutaI really like this story
and im running out of fanfics
is this ever getting an update?
VastaKustutaSurprise! update! hope it was worth the wait derp.
VastaKustutawell now, i guess thats a long update queue. too much fanfiction! overloading EqD! AAAAH!
VastaKustutaLooks nice so far, can't wait for the next part! :D
VastaKustutaHuman in equestria stories are the mst patheti, wannabe fics ever. First off you're a freak for fantasising about having sex with an animal, and nw you write a fic about it. You, author, are a loser and if Rainbw Dash were real, you'd be rejected like the loser you are.
VastaKustutaI really wish these chapters were longer :(
VastaKustutaAuthor is so self-absorbed with his stupid fic counter-part that apprently all the characters in ponyville drop everything, includng their livilihood and jobs to help this egotistical prick who cant write for sh*t and assumes the world revolves around him. Human cross-overs are the most pathetic fics out there, they all are about brones attempting tonlive a fantasy of a pony-harem where they believe the world revolves around them and they are flawless. When in actuality, chris, you know you are a pretty pathetic excuse for a human being, you cant get any human friends, no pony is going to want someone like you.
VastaKustutaIt's idiots like these guys who make me embarrassed to be an anon. Personally, I think your story's great. Though in future, you might want to publish either longer chapters or more frequently.
VastaKustutalol im trolololing here at these comments, someones butthurt! anyway yeah, sorry for the long waits, they're gone now. I can guarantee it :D
VastaKustutaNot bad, but I noticed during the party RD is introduced as if she had never appeared in the story before. (Not sure if this is intentional seeing as the majority of the characters at the party don't know who Chris/Icy really is)
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaYou seem upset, anyway good story author, 5/5.
i really like the idea of humans in equestria but please no shipping!
VastaKustutaI'm not really sure why Icy's ice powers would be so unusual. Pegasi seem to all have a common talent for dealing with clouds, Dash can make rainbows, the Wonderbolts can generate thundercloud trails, and so forth, so a pegasus that can make snow doesn't really seem out of the question.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaKeep crying, bitch nigga. Sorry that reading this fic made you feel threatened when you realized the author might pair his character up with your pony waifu, but that's something you'll just have to deal with. Punk bitch.
I'm sorry, but after that scene with Icy's powers this story lost all appeal to me and you lost a reader. I don't generally mind human in equestria, but if the story needs a human to help the ponies with his awesome powers, it really gets ridiculous. I also worry a bit about your characterization of Twilight, she seemed very arrogant at times and that's just not her.
VastaKustutaThere were some good parts, for example Celestia's talk to her general, but those parts can't outweight the flaws. Even though the anonymous above was quite rude about it, I agree to some of his points. I'm very disappointed to see this story develop in this direction, but well, guess I'm off to read other stories (not like there is not enough to choose from on this page :) )
Keep up the great story! And yes, have longer chapters.
VastaKustutaThis fanfic plays to two of my fantasies: The Human in Equestria fantasy and gaining power of some kind. I like where the story is going.
VastaKustuta@nemryn
VastaKustutaI have to agree here, this doesn't seem like something other than an unusual talent for a pegasus pony. I could understand if Twilight was surprised that Chris could do something "advanced" but it doesn't make sense as a unique impossibility.
From what I can guess, it seems that "Inherant" humans are meant to be able to somehow neutralise magic, which really should be the only human-only ability thingy. I'm probably not saying this right and I'm guessing at stuff here, but I think it might be a better story if you go back and edit out the implied impossibility of the ice thing. It's still a cool thing for a human to suddenly do somehow but there's no reason for it to be something other pegasis ponies can't do.
Also, haters gonna hate.
Nah, there's never been anything suggesting that Pegasus are capable of making snow or anything like that, it seems plausible for a pegasus to do something like that to be unheard of, or at least, very, very, very rare. Also, great story, keep it up.
VastaKustutaI thank everyone for their opinions, and I especially encourage you to continue to have them, and voice them as well :D I take every one into consideration while writing to see if I can make it more canon-ish. Without fans, no writer anywhere would have a reason to write a story ^_^
VastaKustutaThis is amazing. This is one of my favorites, and (at least for me) rivals Fallout: Equestria in everything but length. This is one of the few I am going to read more than once, which only one other story has made me want to do.
VastaKustutaIn short, Bravo! Keep going!
Dang that queue is long, I finished and sent this in on friday.
VastaKustutaIm liking this story so far, the muscle memory thing is interesting as is Icy's first attempts at being a pony. Worth keeping an eye on this one.
VastaKustutaThis is the kind of story that we all need, I think.
VastaKustutaReally, thus far one of, if not THE best, "human in equestria" stories I've read. Very well written.
VastaKustutaI'm writing my own "Human in Equestria" story. At one point in the story, I need a quote from another Human in Equestria. If you don't mind, could I use a quote from yours?
VastaKustutaI promise that the quote taken will not be defaced, nor deface the story. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
This would make me very happy.
...Oh, and fantasmografical job on your story. It's inspired me to write mine.
@PonyWithPasta
VastaKustutaUm, sure... What would the quote be?
Shit, didn't expect an answer this fast... uhh...
VastaKustuta^
“He-hello?”
“HI! Nice to meet you! My name’s Pinkie Pie, and this is your welcome to Ponyville party!” The bouncing continued as she took a breath. “You see, I know every pony in Ponyville, so whenever a new pony comes to town I throw them a huge party to get to know them! And you see, this is your party! But you already know that because I told you so! Oh, wait; I don’t even know your name!” She paused, waiting for Chris’s name. He opened his mouth, but was instantly dragged away by Twilight Sparkle before he could say a peep. She turned him around to face her, and gestured for him to come closer.
^
Just that. All that will be mentioned about it will be names, phrases, and whatnot to let the character in my story (who will read this as a story on a laptop, and not an actual happening in Ponyville) realise... well... that I cannot say (at least, not publically). That, and it's a shout-out to you, because your awesome.
...Probably.
If you say no, I can just go to another "HiE" story.
I'll give you a thanks at the end of the chapter.
@PonyWithPasta
VastaKustutaI don't mind at all ^-^ please go right ahead!
@Chris
VastaKustutaYour fanfic is simply perfect. Oh how I want to be the Icy Snowfall. But, meh, it is not possible. Looking forward to see some more chapter.
From Soviet Russia, with love!
WOOHOO! That was tooootally awesome! Now I wanna be an Inherent! thanks Chris!
VastaKustutaGimme s'more D:
VastaKustutaOkay, I'm sorry. I really am sorry for what I'm about to say but...
VastaKustutaThis story has devolved into a puddle of rancid smelling goo.
Don't get me wrong, it started out pretty great actually. There was this whole level of intrigue going on with the whole "invasion" and "recon" thing, like Earth was invading Equestria's dimensional plane without actually KNOWING they were doing it and the result would b the death of everyone or something. But Equestria doesn't know that Earth is doing this unintentionally so Celestia sends the elements of Harmony over to do some recon and figure out what's what.
Now ignoring Chris's ability to see the ponies where everyone else can't, he was a generally likable and believable character. An Average Joe down on his luck who wants more out of life. I think we can all relate.
I also thought that his encounter with Rainbow Dash was handled relatively well. Certainly not perfectly, but better than most of the Human meets Equestria stories I've seen.
...But then we get to Equestria, and, well, everything's gone down the toilet.
Chris is too accepting and too adaptable. After only a quick freak out he is suddenly totally okay with everything that has happened and has absolutely no reservations or second thoughts. As much as he may have hated his previous life, he's just been dunked in way over his head. And yet he seems to feel absolutely no stress. It's just too... bipolar. He was too quick to go from "freak out" to "everything is wonderful," with no intermittent stress or pressure.
He learned how to walk too fast. I'm sorry, but have you seen how horses legs bend? I'm kinda sick of how fast most HiE stories make a character walk properly but this one just completely dropped the ball. Rather than saying "it felt like there was some weird innate memory" or that it was some form of magic, you actually had him LEARN to walk in minutes. That shouldn't be possible. In fact, if he actualy had to LEARN to walk again, I'd be somewhat surprised if he was ever fully mobile again. This is the sort of thing that if you don't learn it when you're young you won't ever learn it properly.
And no, Twilight's weird Magi-babble comment “Pseudo-muscle-memory from an adult body with no childhood, interesting...” doesn't just magically clear this up. Either it's muscle memory, magic, or he's learning it. Pick one. You can't throw all three at us because readers tend to instinctively grasp for the one which makes the most sense, which is that he has to learn it over again. You know... the one you had seemingly been establishing since he became a pony.
(Comment continued below)
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
VastaKustuta(Comment continued from above)
Another thing that struck me. Why is Chris a bad name for a pony? Have we forgotten the existence of Pony JOE? It's obvious they have regular names in Equestria too. But the name3 you chose for him sounded weird aesthetically if you don't mind me saying. Icy Snowfall? I'm sorry, aside from the redundancy of it from the beginning... it sounds like a chick's name. Especially since Icy was a character in Winx Club (Don't ask how I know that). I can think of five better names off the top of my head. Snowdrift. Blizzard. Cold Front. Wind Chill. White Out. But Icy Snowfall? I dunno, it sounds like a ditzy schoolfilly that likes to make snow angels to me...
And then there's the one that really gets me and pushes the story over into "obvious self insert mary sue" territory. His sudden spontaneous generation of X-Men Iceman powers. I just... ugh. What makes him so special? I mean, yeah, he is a human in Equestria but logically that should put him at a disadvantage for EVERYTHING rather than granting him superpowers. And they ARE superpowers mind. It's not weather control. Remember, Rainbow Dash, the chief weather pony, needs help from the Cloudsdale weather factory to make weather. aside from the Sonic Rainboom, which takes intense effort, she can't just whip anything up at the slightest whim. This is just... aggravating. And it's not done in a novel enough way like "Through the Eyes of Another Pony" to make it enjoyable. The story takes itself too seriously and sticks too close to normal formula for that.
We have the same exact problem with flying as we did with walking except amp up the annoyance sevenfold since there is no reason for a human to have any real familiarity with moving through the air. He learns it too fast. In less than a day. He learns how to FLY in less than a DAY. And you simply can't seem to decide on a decent explanation why this should be.
I just... >_<
I haven't read chapter 8 yet but in all honesty this story fell from interesting and intriguing to shameless self insert drivel faster than you can say "Who's a Silly Pony?" You had a real interesting premise going with an interesting character but everything became so unbelievable so very quickly that it almost seems like you're actively TRYING to make it into an awful self insert story.
So... yeah. I'm sorry if I come across as too strong or mean or anything but this... it's just so disappointing how something so interesting and new devolved so quickly into... this.
Wow... Suddenly I'm reading the previous comments and seeing that pretty much everything I said was said before...
VastaKustuta...Except it was said by rude anons who didn't bother to give any explanation or qualifying statements and thus came across as trolling rather than actual review.
Crap... that's going to come back to bite me in the flank isn't it?
Okay, let me cap this off by saying that in actuality, I LOVE human in Equestria stories as long as they're done well. Otherwise they come across as self insert. This one comes acros as self insert simply by how quickly the character goes from sympathetic and relatable Average Joe to perfect and capable Mary Sue.
Haters gonna hate, I loved it!!!
VastaKustutaIcy snowfall is a horrible horrible name. Only Bishonen get away with stuff like that and Chris was no Bishie. You could have just made his human name Christopher Snow or something. Then it could play into the whole predestination thing that pony names and cutie marks tend to.
VastaKustutaI would give the Ponies on Earth part of the story 5*, and the Human in Equestria side 3*. So 4* over all until we see where the story ends up.
Moar
VastaKustutaI just found this and read all 8 chapters today, and I'm feeling a bit mixed. Human in Equestra stories are really hard to write, and they attract much stronger criticism than others. Personally, I liked most of it. The ponies on earth part was pretty good, and I want to see where this conspiracy/dreams are going. I can agree with the comments that the part in Equestria isn't as gripping as the first part, but it's definitely not worth writing off yet.
VastaKustutaI can forgive how fast he learns to walk/fly. Since you can't realistically get full mobility in the frame a story needs, and since 'because magic, that's why' is generally thought of as a cheap way out, I feel writers should be cut a bit of slack there. Still, watch for moving it along too fast. As for the name, I really don't think that's an issue. Pony names seem to have a different standard, and while names humans consider normal are not unheard of, they might attract more attention than Twilight wants. The snow trick is wandering into dangerous territory, even by my fairly high tolerance. Overuse could drop you really far into Mary Sue territory really fast.
I liked the story Plz write more of it
VastaKustutapros its a good story and unlike the above anons i see very little bad about this story. However that being said the name could have been better becuse to be honest Icy Snowfall just sounds a little too OTT and diva ish. that being said some of the commenters above were unnessisarilty profain and rude about your writing. i apologise for their lack of manners and hope that future readers will realise that IT IS JUST A STORY AND SHOULDNT BE TAKEN SO SERIOUSLY....but ya keep up the good work and PLEASE write more soon
another human fanfic??????.......:megusta:
VastaKustutaPlease continue this story. It's a good one to follow.
VastaKustutaYa know what big mac, I might just do some more writing.
VastaKustutaplease do more! I'm in love with this story! I cant get enough of it! please, please do more.
VastaKustuta