Author: Northland Pony
Description: The tales of Aurora, a student of journalism and pegasus who comes to Ponyville. And also the ongoing tales of the mane cast between season 1 and season 2. Evil stirs. Adventure is embarked upon. Muffins are eaten. Laughs are had. The crazy history of Ponyville continues.Google Documents
The Ponyville Chronicles Part 1
The Ponyville Chronicles Part 2
The Ponyville Chronicles Part 3 (New!)
The Ponyville Chronicles Part 4 (New!)
Fanfiction.net
The Ponyville Chronicles All Links
Additional Tags: Long, Series, OCs, Everypony, Evil Muffin
4 comments:
I like it. It seems to have slight pacing issues with some of the scene transitions, but other than that it is short, concise and to the point. The main thing however is that that last part seems like it sets up for a continuation over an ending.
ReplyDeleteThe only problem I found was that the three side characters really had no place in the story written as they were; It feels like you were missing backstory as well as closure on their parts.
I understand you were probably making this for fun, but as the story progressed, I felt like some things needed to be explained a little better, such as
ReplyDelete[SPOILERS]
What the three dark ponies were up to in the first place or where they came from? How did the infected ponies and food get out of the faulty Ponyville if no one who lived in the faulty Ponyville were willing to leave?
[END OF SPOILERS]
It sometimes felt like you were making things up as you went, which isn't always a bad thing, because sometimes really innovative ideas pop up and make the story interesting, but some of it just seemed out of place.
Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading both parts, but the plot seemed to be thrown together a little last minute. Hopefully you will explain things a little better in the next installment, (If you make one) but if not, then I think you should just keep the next piece a little more simple, for character development, and not just a random adventure.
What worked: The Mane cast's voices came across well and felt distinct. A lot of the jokes were quite clever "Evil Muffin."
ReplyDeleteWhat needs some work: The transitions between viewpoint characters was kind of jarring. It's hard to get a feel for the OC ponies personalities I think you did the canon cast better in that regard. The ending was kind of abrupt.
Author here. :) Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate the commentary! I'm a long way from home at the moment but I'll be trying my best to get a new segment up by the end of the week. Going to fearlessly shift gears and promise to make it at least 20% cooler.
ReplyDelete