Author:Grif
Description: What if ponies replaced humans in the Mass Effect universe? Will Commander Sparkle save the day like Shepard did?Pony Effect (All Links)(New Intermission 3/Chapter 12!)
Additional Tags: Mass Effect, Long, Battle, Sci-Fi, Friendship
90 comments:
I've been waiting too long or this...
ReplyDeleteTwo of my favorite things in one fanfic.
I can see it right now:
Dash.
Twilight.
Dash.
Twilight.
Dash.
Twilight.
Dash.
Twilight.
Is that the kind of Pony we want protecting the galaxy?
ReplyDeleteDRRRRRR, Change that intro to "PONY" not "HUMAN"
ReplyDeleteI was wondering when this was gonna happen. :D
ReplyDeleteI wonder how Virmire will be resolved.
ReplyDeleteOh man,
ReplyDeleteoh man
I wanna see Twilight getting it on with the Asari.
Really liked it, waiting for more.
ReplyDeleteGreat crossover, like how very accurate with the original source it is. Also, I saw what you did there - Ditzy Doo aka Derpy as Navigator? They will fly to the borderds of the galaxy with her in that role.
Cherilee as a Nurse? Why not Nurse Redheart?
Dash as a Wrex? No way - it will be BigMac, with his Eeeeyup.
Naw, Ponies are the human analogues in this universe. The alien cast is going to stay alien, i'm assuming. Applejack and Rarity fill the Kaiden and Ashley slots, with Fluttershy being an additional character built off the lazy smuggling dock worker.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering where Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash fit in. Pinkie Pie might make a good Normaredy requisition officer, she always seems to know where to get stuff. I would have thought Rainbow Dash would have made a good Joker, but that's out the window so I don't know how she's going to fit in.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYes, anon called it correctly, the alien cast will stay alien. After all, I can't very well ponify all of em and asari are too hot to ponify anyway.
On Ditzy Doo and Cheerilee as Navigator and Nurse respectively, I'll admit that I let those two slide into that role for laughs.
That said, thanks for the comments guys. You guys are what keep me going.
Ugh, just saw the mistake on the human part. That stain has now been rectified. My apologies for letting that slip under the radar.
ReplyDelete@Grif
ReplyDeleteJust don't forget some Twilight x Liara smut, and you're another fanfic god here.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI concur, for this part will be very, very important. Remember, It must be practicaly super cloppy to make us happy. Dat Hot Liara with Dat Rumpy Twi.
*_*
This fic should get interesting...
ReplyDeleteI guess there is also a bit of reversing roles. Trixie is an annoying, (at least seemingly) idiotic Anderson-analogue, while I'll guess Luna will be a much more pleasant Udina, exactly the opposites they were originally.
Or the Mayor is Udina, but the starting conversation (originally it was between Anderson, Udina and Hackett IIRC) hints Luna being the ambassador.
Somepony got guts to give it 1 star, but not enough courage to comment about it :p
ReplyDeleteThe nerve!
I don't expect my workman-like writing to actually win accolades. But I hope to improve on it. Well, try to. Heh.
ReplyDeleteOne question though. How are the size differences between ponies and bipedal aliens in this crossover?
ReplyDeleteI expect the ponies to be at least half as big at maximum.
Also, Anon7 was me. I got issues with the cookies.
Inb4 "I'm commander Sparkle, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel".
ReplyDeleteA very promising fic so far, keep it up, and you may get as many views as Fallout: Equestria.
ReplyDeleteSPOILER AHEAD FOR THOSE WHO NEVER PLAYED MASS EFFECT:
This begs the question, however: Who will die on Virmire? Rarity, or Applejack?
How long are you going to make this, BTW? Only Mass Effect 1 or are you going to cover the whole trilogy or what?
ReplyDeleteOh, I recall this! I remember you were asking on Ponychan what form the crossover should take, and I recommended you put ponies in place of regular humans with Twilight as a stand-in for Shepard.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering when you would post this, glad you went with my idea Grif!
@those wanting clopfics
ReplyDeleteTempting as it is, no, this will be clean. Somepony else is welcome to ship them though.
@Dat fucking writefag
Something like that. I imagined them to be as tall as chest level for a turian.
@Crimson Warning
Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it heh.
@Hertzila
I plan to finish at least ME1. I do have some ME2 ideas bouncing around in my head, but it's pretty fluid atm.
@Eclipse
Hm, maybe you were thinking of a different person? I first posed this question on the GitP forums and only went to ponychan for midnight's writer help thread. That said, I should thank midnight for his/her help with this. Many of the faults pointed out were pretty bad on retrospect.
Angel as a badass biotic, wow.
ReplyDeleteHope this goes all the way to ME3
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see The Illusive Pony
@Grif
ReplyDeleteAwww, com'on, no Liara shipping?!
If this does go into ME2 in the future, I can just picture Fluttershy as Thane.
ReplyDeleteHuh... Seems that a lot of the party members have been... Phased out...
ReplyDeleteSo, will Wrex, Garrus, and Tali even end up on the Normandy, or will it only be the main six? Because as much as I like them, having a Mass Effect story without other species just doesn't seem right.
Good stuff. I've only read chapter one, but I'm certainly interested to see how it pans out.
ReplyDeleteOne major complaint, though.
Stick to one tense. You keep flopping back and forth between past and present, even within sentences, and it's incredibly flow-breaking and difficult to muscle through. That and that alone can turn people away from your work, regardless of content.
@Kyle
ReplyDeleteYeah, I wonder about that too. I hope some of the Spectres are on the crew 8(
Who would be Miranda if this makes it to ME2?
ReplyDelete@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteDuly noted. I get this pretty often. Probably an indication of the haphazard way I approach writing at times.
I'll try to fix it as best as I can. :/ (that said if this continues, I'll really have to find another guy to proof read.)
@Kyle
Phased out? Heh, no. They'll be sticking around.
@Anon
Good question. Although I have another pony in mind already.
Hey, me again. Nice work on the new chapter, t'was a good read. Though I noticed something, you keep getting the genders mixed up, most notably with Angel, one paragraph, he's a guy, the next he's a girl, and this has been going on since he was first introduced. I also noticed that you called Rainbow a HE when you introduced her to the others. If you could fix that, that'd be lovely.
ReplyDelete@Crimson Warning
ReplyDeleteIt's a dinobunny. It can change its sex.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteUm, other Spectres? You don't get a Spectre on your crew in any Mass Effect game...
*SPOILERS*
Until possibly ME3, where either Kaiden or Ashley have apparently become a Spectre.
*End Spoilers*
@Crimson Warning
ReplyDeleteUgh, that's what happens when you write a fic AFTER replaying the game to get some of the ingame dialog to work on.
Apologies to my various of mistakes in that chapter. I'm going to get a proofreader next time before I post another chapter. :/
@Grif
ReplyDeleteI can volunteer for that. I'm well-versed in Mass Effect-related material.
I've never played Mass Effect, but THIS IS AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteGummy should be a krogan with no teeth
ReplyDelete@Crimson Warning
ReplyDeleteI would appreciate that. Drop me an email at [email protected].
Im Commander Shepard and this is my Favorite fanfic on Equestria daily.
ReplyDeleteUhh story issue:
ReplyDelete“Appleloosa was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit.” Even though the voice was distorted, Twilight was able to recognise the speaker. The spectre, Saren Arterius.
Twilight never met Saren before so how would she know what his voice sounds like? And wasn't the one speaking supposed to be Benezia and the Asari councilor is the one that recognizes her?
I have an issue, minor nit really...
ReplyDeleteAngel is a biotic rabbit, which is apparently noteworthy because no Ponies are biotic. Being biotic as near as I can tell involves having telekinesis which is accompanied by glowy effects.
But...
Isn't telekinesis something EVERY Unicorn can do? Unlike humans, the Ponies are ALL magical with Unicorn magic coming closest to looking like ME biotics. In fact, in someways, Unicorn magic is BETTER than Biotics because unicorns can do more than mere telekinesis. And we've seen even Rarity in this fic using her magic as a weapon.
IOW, it makes no sense for the Ponies to be impressed by biotics. Biotics is similar enough to Pony magic that you could write them being one and the same... but didn't. And if they aren't the same, Pony magic strikes me as being better.
@anonymous
ReplyDeleteSo you're telling me you wouldn't be surprised seeing a bunny of all things having the capabilities to crush every bone in your body?
So, is Wrex just not going to be on the party? We haven't seen him since his one scene...
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't this have the story tag?
ReplyDelete@Anon 1
ReplyDeleteTwilight met Saren during the first hearing.
@Anon 2
Little bunny, powerful biotic. Yeah.
@Kyle
Oh he'll be around. Wrex is too awesome not to be in on the mission.
OMG, I laughed so hard when she said "yes"! I could totally see it.
ReplyDeleteLove the story so far Grif, but if Rarity is Kaidan and AJ is Ash, who's going to be Miranda and Jack in Pony Effect 2? And does Pinkie count as a crazy Kasumi? Can't wait to see the Illusive Mare. Or Zercora Taylor: "Taking the fight to the Collectors I see, Do not think you will do it without me"
ReplyDeleteWhen I try to access Chapter 3 it says "Google Doc Error - You cannot access this document because it violates the terms and conditions. >.<
ReplyDeleteMy apologies, the chapter have been flagged. I have requested a review, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I might reupload these in my DA account, but that'll take time. (Darn DA and their funky html formatting.)
ReplyDelete@Anon
I haven't quite finalised who's to be Jack and Miranda to be honest. Loved your Zercora Taylor impersonation though.
First off, apologies for taking so long with this chapter. I was quite unhappy on how the initial version turned out and sat on it for quite sometime. I ended up rewriting a couple of scenes.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I have been experimenting in writing in a slightly different style in this chapter.
Finally, Google, in all it's infinite wisdom, unblocked the third chapter of the fic. So now it's viewable again.
Once again, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I had writing.
Ahhh, nice chapter. A nice respite from the others.
ReplyDeleteGotta say, though, you should ask for the "story" tag to be added. Gotta say I almost missed these past two updates because it's not tagged.
Anyway, great job!
Cupcakes reference, oh yeah!
ReplyDeletewho's going to be the prize and who's going to do the calibrations?
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for Liara...I still hope the author leaves romance option open...
ReplyDeleteYou could have saved some of the Mane cast for Mass Effect 2, rather than just cramming them all in haphazardly. Rarity would have been great as Miranda while someone like Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash was Kaidan, after all the only squad member from the first game who rejoins you is Garrus.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing the Illusive Pony would be Luna.
And Tali, forgot that Tali was there too. Point is that none of the Mane cast would be rejoining the crew in PE2 unless Rainbow Dash is still hanging with Garrus.
ReplyDeleteI tried not to copy the characters directly from ME. Rarity isn't a Kaidan per se, she's Rarity. Same with AJ as Ashley. Otherwise it'll just quickly become ME with ponies superimposed over it, at least that's how I see it.
ReplyDeleteAnd no one says I have to follow the ME plot exactly and not have them rejoin the cast in ME2. :p
As always, thank you for all those who read and commented. Feedback, you can never get enough of those.
ah yes ponies.....the sentient race of equans who teach us the magic of friendship. we have dismissed those claims.
ReplyDeleteI'm a big fan of both Mass Effect and (obviously) the new MLP, so I'm really enjoying this and hope it goes the distance.
ReplyDeleteQuick question - do you mean no shipping or not smut? Perfectly happy with the latter, but the romance is a big part of ME, and Liara and Twilight seem so perfect as a pairing.
Obviously no smut. I'm partial to the possibility of shipping now though, having had my heart melted at least once or twice by cute shipping fics posted here. Curse you IASiF.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I apologise for the slow progress of the next chapter. Turns out balancing the fic so that it doesn't get bogged down by meaningless sidequests and at the same time, not to rush the pace too much, is a worthy challenge in its own right.
Bioware y u so hard to do justice to?
So I guess you can't save Applebloom on the PS3 lol
ReplyDeleteAh, the story that tipped the scales and made me decide to write Pony Age: Origins. I commend you, good writer, for this. I hope I can come close to the quality you have shown.
ReplyDeleteAs for why Bioware is so hard to do justice for...its because its Bioware. And we loves them for it.
Woe to whoever decides to translate Baldur's Gate with ponies. But I digress, keep up the good work.
@OmegPony11
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm really honoured that my fic was the one that inspired you to write your own crossover. Seriously that makes me happy that it made a difference in somepony elses lives.
That said, I think you're doing well with your story, and you should write moar. Mage Twilight <3.
Also, if anypony is interested, I'm still looking for a beta-reader/editor.
Yay, update!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite stories on the site, even if I don't know anything about the game. Can honestly say I was thrilled by the update. x3
This is going to be a review as I read the story.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like so far is that you take the elements of Mass Effect yet you make them work in a way that fits with the idea of all Ponies replacing humans and such. Gives it an interesting looks
So Applebloom is on a seperate coloney huh? And on the Feros one no doubt. Wonder if she's going to be Fai Dan or Elizabeth
“Standby shore party. Decontamination in progress.” I hated that more then I hated the elevator's in the first game, at least you heard funny talk.
XO DITZY DOO! This would be funny...if I didn't know what happens in ME2.
Gummy's a varren? I can see that. and Pinkie Pie is awsome in everything she does
Nice ending. Look forward to the next chapter
Okay, this was a fun read. My hat's off to you, keep up the good work, and I hope to see more in the future.
ReplyDeleteI have found a duplicated paragraph in Chapter 5.
ReplyDeleteFirst (and probably good one), just before :
>[Weather Control Station, Harnos]
Second, just after >Applejack style. ...and before :
>[Skybridges, Harnos]
>“I’m picking up radio signals.” Tali announced, as she worked the communication console she found on her side. “There’s someone out there.”
-* TO *...
>“Fair enough. Let’s go rescue these survivors.”
Ack. That'll be my lack of editors for this chapter showing. Thank you kindly. Fixing it now. :/
ReplyDeleteAlso, thank you for all the feedback. Working ever so slowly on the next chapter.
Well I thought this fanfic was a piece of ponysh-ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
ReplyDeleteGrif. I heard you are doing well with this fanfic. Keep up the good work. Fifth fleet out
ReplyDeleteIf anyone else wants a Liara x Twilight romance, here're all relevant cutscenes:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9Veak7u3zU
Just going to get this comment in before the new chapter is uploaded.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I am sorry for the delayed chapter. I had many amateurish mistake pointed out to be in the previous chapters, so I had taken time off to edit/correct the mistakes. (In particular Angel changing gender. ARGH! I thought I terminated that problem.) None of the scenes was rewritten, except for the addition of the bomb scene on Appleloose(Eden Prime) so readers would not need to go back and reread them.
This chapter is also a particularly long one, given that I wanted to wrap the Harnos(Feros) part of ME in two chapters. So yeah, prepare for a long read.
With that said, I hope you enjoy reading it!
@Dat fucking writefag
Heh, that'll be useful. (Mind I am still ambivalent about the whole thing, since I'm not confident that I can actually weave a shipping story into the fic without breaking character/making it look jarring.)
@Grif
ReplyDeleteHow long 'til we can see it?
(Or is it just me being unable to find it?)
Ah, I love seeing an update to this story appear.
ReplyDeleteLoving the quotes being used properly. Even the exact progression of events in the story. Keep up the good work :D
That is awsome!
ReplyDeleteAll I need now is Twi-Liara, Wrex to survive and Saren to commit suicide :)
ReplyDeleteToo bad we didn't see what Applejack and Apple Bloom had fought about :(
Hey Grif! Excellent work thus far, and you were able to answer a question that was bugging me since I started mine:
ReplyDeleteYou have a huge party on board the Normandy. I was wondering how you were going to manage so many party members, but you did so perfectly, by splitting them into smaller squads and having important missions for each. I also found a new appreciation to the Bioware writers and why the arbitrary headcount limit is in place.
Keep it up.
P.S. We could, like, form Biomare. Or something :D
Enjoyable read even though I've never touched Mass Effect. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteChapter 4's been thrown under a TOS violation wall. Damn trolls.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving how this is turning out. Though what Applejack said to Applebloom makes me uneasy (you know, for what happens later). Regardless, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteChapter 4 needs reposting
ReplyDeleteUgh, just saw the TOS violation thing. Now appealing.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, use this link instead.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/267/Pony-Effect
Just a comment in case anyone still reads this. I have requested that EqD to change the links to the chapters to the ones on FiMFiction because of the consistent trolling attempts on certain chapters of my fic, causing them to be flagged and banned.
ReplyDeleteAside from that, you may notice that I have rewritten Applejack's subplot on Harnos. I feel this version is significantly better and more in line with what I originally had in mind. I wasn't very happy with the initial published version, but couldn't think of a better alternative.
A good friend of mine in ponychan helped me in this regard. So vimbert, if you're reading this, many thanks to you!
Once again, I hope you enjoy the latest chapter.
Always a pleasure to help, Grif.
ReplyDeleteOoh a Mass Effect Fic...please be Renegade.
ReplyDeleteHoping to see more of this soon ^_^
ReplyDeleteAlright. Since everyone else is already calling Mass Effect 1 - im gonna go ahead and call mass effect 2 premptively! Ha! Suck it.
ReplyDeleteOh wait. Calling ahead needs ideas doesnt it? Bugger.
...Trixie as a jack? That could work. Being tortured as a youth could certainly make someone into a self-absorbed narcissist. Big Macintosh as that creepy mercenary guy?
Yeah, thats all ive got >>
One bit of advice ill give though, dont get too tied into the universe. Remember its youre rules. For example, if you had the perfect pony to be an alien character, but dont want to because you want ponies as humans - just change it. We wont mind, especially if it reads better.
Here's an idea for a scene of a possible sequel: Tali's loyalty mission.
ReplyDeleteWith the opening of a mechanical door, Fluttershy walked in first and gasped at what she saw before her eyes. "Fluttershy what's u- -" Twilight froze at what she saw herself and let out a quiet gasp.
"Oh dear." A Quarian in a red and cream-colored suit, male, laid dead. "Father!" Their fears were confirmed, Rael'Zorah had died.
"No! No no no! You always had a plan. Masked life signs, or, an onboard medical stasis program, maybe. You! You wouldn't..." Tali couldn't comprehend any of this, she had thoughts of this being a bad dream, of it being a hallucination, it wasn't.
"They're wrong! You wouldn't just die like this!" She said as she grew increasingly choked up. "You wouldn't leave me to clean up your mess! You can't- -"
"Hey. Hey, come here." The Unicorn insisted.
Twilight gave Tali a comforting hug, as the Quarian returned it. "Damn it! Damn it. I'm sorry." She said tearfully.
"You've got nothing to be sorry about." Said Twilight, putting a hoof on her shoulder and nuzzling her head gently. "Maybe...He would have known I'd come. Maybe he left a message."
She hacked her father's Omni-Tool and there indeed was a message there. Bad news. A hologram of Rael appeared with the message. "Tali, if you are listening then I am dead. The geth have gone active. I don't have much time. The main hub will be on the bridge. You'll need to destroy it to stop their VI processes from forming new neural links. Make sure Han'Gerrel and Daro'Xen see the data. They must- -" The transmission had cut off at the last minute as the holographic image showed Rael'Zorah attempting to make a run for it as the message ended. "Thanks. Dad." Tali said mournfully followed by a sniffle.
"Um. Tali? Are you..going to be okay?" Fluttershy said quietly. Knowing the nature of the situation. "I hope so. It's just that I don't know what's worse: thinking he never really cared, or thinking that he did, and this was the only way he could show it." She assured her little Pegasus friend. "It doesn't matter. One way or the other, I cared. I'm here. And we're ending this."
"I hope you'll be okay, it's just that..um...if you don't mind we can talk about it later when we're not shooting geth." She squeaked. "Thank you Fluttershy, I'll be fine. We have to clear them from this ship." "So you're ready to finish this?" Asked Twilight.
"Yes, I'm ready."
It came to me.
@Joey O'Connell
ReplyDeleteYou sir, deserve a medal for this.
@Grif
ReplyDeleteOh, why thank you. X3
I've got some suggestions for you with Pony Effect 2. Like character roles.
Say, Gilda in Jack's position, or Fleur as Miranda given Rarity is already in Kaidan's spot.
Whaddya say?