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[Grimdark][Adventure] More Adventure!
Author: BronyCray
Description: Twilight enlists the help of Rainbow Dash to aid her with a new spell, but new magic can be unpredictable.
Special thanks to unitoone for the new art!All Chapters after the break!
DA
The Night that Never Ended
The Night that Never Ended Part 2
The Night that Never Ended Part 3
The Night that Never Ended Part 4
The Night that Never Ended Part 5
The Night that Never Ended Part 6
The Night that Never Ended Part 7
The Night that Never Ended Part 8
The Night that Never Ended Part 9
The Night that Never Ended Part 10
The Night that Never Ended Part 11
The Night that Never Ended Part 12
The Night That Never Ended Part 13
The Night That Never Ended Part 14
The Night That Never Ended Part 15
The Night That Never Ended Part 16
The Night That Never Ended Part 17
Atrocity
The Night That Never Ended Part 18
The Night That Never Ended Part 19
The Night That Never Ended Part 20 (New!)
Alternates
The Night that Never Ended (All Links)
The Night that Never Ended (All Links)
Additional Tags: Loyalty, Breakdown, Trials, Mistrust, Redemption.
Fan Art!
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519 comments:
Carriage Returns... needs Carriage Returns.
ReplyDeletePut a blank line between paragraphs. Makes documents, especially ones on the internet, so much more legible.
>Group teleportation spell
ReplyDelete>Mostly designed for Earth and Pegasus ponies
>Dash goes first
Aw crap...
I swear, I wrote the first chapter of my Halo/MLP fic before this was posted!
•elite guy 94•
I eagerly await the next chapter so I can see where this goes.
ReplyDeleteAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAHAHhHHHHHHH The formattttinnnnnng! It'sss horrrrribbllllleeeeeee!
ReplyDeleteNow that that's over. Please indent next time.
I've no idea how to make DA indent, you can read the google docs versions while I figure out the HTML code.
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteThe google docs has no indentation.
Damn it, I hate nights that never end.
ReplyDeleteWait, really? they did earlier, but clicking on them now the first part does not and the second part does. I'll try to fix that now, thanks for letting me know.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I think it's fixed now, maybe I didn't save an earlier version or something. If it *still* isn't broken into paragraphs and indented properly, try the DA links. They don't have indents, but it should stil be readable there.
ReplyDeleteThe irony of this situation is that I'm usually very anal about paragraph breaks and proper formatting, so I'm actualy kinda amused by this.
The formatting issues aside, it is so far reading well. The characters are spot on and Night!Pinky is incredibly creepy (especially Mr. Slide). If I may suggest, try focusing a little more on showing rather than telling: Action rather than describing what's going on. You're good at description and imagery, we just need more to be happening.
ReplyDeleteWhile there are a lot of "Bad End" alt universe stories out there, this so far has a lot of promise mainly due to how well you've characterized Dash and Twilight. Keep it up.
I thought this was very interesting. The characterization made sense, especially creepy Pinkie. I think you could do a better job evoking... atmosphere, I guess. Wrecked, abandoned, pitch-black Ponyville is awful, but I didn't feel like I was getting hit with the full force of it in these chapters. But I thought the terrifying and tragic events themselves were really great. There's a very effective balance between what's described explicitly and what's left to our imaginations. I'd love to see more of this.
ReplyDeleteI noticed you didn't capitalize the "Dash" in Rainbow Dash very early in the first chapter. I can't say why, but that really stood out to me. I didn't happen to notice any other errors, so that's good.
How come this is tagged with characters who haven't appeared in the story yet? Especially since they're tagged individually, and Pinkie isn't, which implies that they'll have a larger role than her. That's the kind of information I don't like to have before I read something. But I don't know the direction the author's going, so maybe it won't matter in the long run.
Damn that's DARK.
ReplyDeleteYou've characterised Dash and Twilight pretty damn well in this. The writing is just great all round. Awsome.
ReplyDeleteWow, what's going on here lately with the many great grimdark stories?
ReplyDeleteThis story seems to become great, keep up the good work, especially the good characterization!
I can read it perfectly fine.
ReplyDeleteMOAR!
ReplyDeleteSo that everyone knows, many comments here were lost in the blogger apocalypse recently. I'll post this again so that everyone knows: A new chapter is released every 2 days. Stay tuned for part four, its my favorite so far (And finally brings home the grimdark that I've been building towards.)
ReplyDeleteI'm likin' how this is turning out.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have a question: it mentioned that there was something else in the stew they ate. Something that had a "metallic" taste, if I remember right...
ReplyDeleteAre we going to find out what that was? I was kinda curious, because the story really just left it at that.
Who could the captain POSSIBLY be?
ReplyDelete@supervanman64
ReplyDeleteThis is just a guess but meat or blood perhaps? Iron's fairly prevalent in biology and the blood's hemoglobin is partly iron, after all.
Yeap, I figgered it was meat. Just surprized they didnt get sick. Most herbivores do eating meat.
ReplyDeleteThat confrontation with fluttershy was really well done.
ReplyDeleteJust read the 4th chapter. Though reading through it and seeing what the writer has done, not just to the alternate ways of this story's world, but to the ponies themselves, has made me look at the world of My Little Pony in a completely different sense.
ReplyDeletea more realistic sense.
@ Elite Guy 94: you did use the same sort of introduction, but yours is of a much larger scale.
*webbo9291*
Excellent use of illustrating in the perception of subsisting. Completely understandable. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteSo ponies were omnivores all along.
ReplyDeleteEither that or they're in for violent bouts of vomiting rainbows and undigested meat.
Loving it so far, looking forward to the next part.
Chapter 4 was incredible. All of it was good, but the scene at the end between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy was simply...wow. I wish I could write half as emotionally charged a scene as that!
ReplyDeleteEchoing what others have said, this is incredible. Wow.
ReplyDeleteEveryone, thanks for the awesome comments. I had high hopes about chapter 4, but I never expected that my first story arch would earn a 5 star rating. I'm just really glad I could give something back to such an awesome community.
ReplyDeleteI fail to see how Fluttershy is a monster, besides the cows. The cows pushed it. Does that make me a bad pony? I would've prefered if you kept the cows out of it to make it more morally ambiguous.
ReplyDeleteBut awesome story otherwise.
I figured it was meat, but now this simply confirms it.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me wonder what happened to Angel D:
chapter 4 reminded me of the 300 word story drastic measures, was your inspiration from that?
ReplyDelete@Bookman230
ReplyDeleteI tried to make it remain moraly ambiguous, even with the cows. It pushed the 'us or them' line and accentuated that Fluttershy was, in fact, a murderer. I don't think that's enough to say that she was certainly bad, though.
@THe poster above me
Yes, this chapter was written before that even and I used it as my inspiration for the 300 word story contest.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteI guess. I definitely side with Dash on this one though.
Oh my Celestia, that was awesome! I can't wait for the next part!
ReplyDeleteMy greatest problem with these stories is that I keep hitting chapter ends -_-
ReplyDeleteThis is a damn fine story, one I keep playing over in my head, I've got a strong feeling about the Shadow Bolt captain being someone but i'll keep it low for now.
ReplyDeleteOverall this story even being grim-dark has drawn me in, you've got one reader who haunts ED to see another chapter sir.
Oh my Celestia, the Captain... Bah, I'll hold it in. I had my suspicions from the start, but now? Now I'm just excited for the reveal.
ReplyDeleteIt's gonna be SO. AWESOME.
I really hope the redemption tag is about this particular character as well. Ah well, only time will tell, hehehe.
Hehe, interesting and stunningly realistic take on the scenario. Fluttershy is your best character so far, no doubt about it.
ReplyDeleteContinue on, sir. I await every chapter with baited breath.
...Well, just read chapter 4.
ReplyDeleteJust great. I'm now contemplating becoming a vegetarian. That's how descriptive that was.
the ending scene of chapter 4 is one of the best things i have read on here ever.
ReplyDeleteY'know, we haven't really seen all that much of the "Captain", but I think she's becoming my favorite part of this. I want more of her <3, hehehehe.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I have SPOILERS!!!!!! Stop reading if you don't want to know!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure the captain is rainbow dash. All we know about her supposed "death" is that she screamed, Nightmare Moon laughed, and they didn't see her again.
@Pinkamina Diane Pie
ReplyDeleteYeah, that part was relatively obvious. What I want to see is exactly how that will play into this.
Will we have straight up evil RBD (which is a oddly enticing thought to me for some reason... I've always have a soft spot for the bad girls) or will she have some sort of redemption?
@InsomniaPony
ReplyDeleteI think she'll redeem herself, but that's just a mindset of "and they all lived happily ever after" where one probably doesn't belong.
For some reason, the idea of Dark Dash just confirms the "Evil is Sexy" trope to me.
ReplyDelete...Except, you know. Ponies. lol
@ Terible Fanart Brony
ReplyDeleteIf you guys still think this is a 'happily ever after' world, I'm doing something wrong. That said, I'm not sure what my end plans are for the ending yet.
I both cringed and laughed as I realized I was reading Rarity's parts in her voice. But I kept seeing the Captain as Spitfire for some reason. Too many dash/spitfire pics and fics lately I guess.
ReplyDeleteAs for the meat thing... I've always had a weird view on that subject. If it's dead, it's food. The soul has moved on and meat is meat. Only thing that turns me off of cannibalism is, I hear humans taste like pork, and I hate the taste of pork. Oh but I love bacon, Celestia damn my soul! I will eat almost anything if it's smoked first. But that's the Dragon in me...
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteHappy endings are overrated. Life has no Happy endings, only acceptance and compromise. Or to Quote my favorite movie:
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." -Dread Pirate Westley
Sixth Part is up and away, but it will probably be awhile before this post is updated with the link.
ReplyDeleteI can't find the words to accurately describe how much I'm enjoying this, so instead I'll take the easy way out, and simply say I bloody love this fic.
ReplyDeleteFor reasons I can't fully understand, the Captain has become my favorite character. From the looks of things, I'm not alone in that one.
You did a very good job with Rarity, imho. She was painfully in character, not realizing her generosity is going to get everypony killed.
Also, Soaren! Just when I thought I couldn't like this more, he gets involved. Hehehe, I was secretly hoping for a fangirl Dashie squeak, getting to fly one on one with a 'Bolt, but alas she played it cool. Confound the dark tone, making moments like that impossible. Er, not to say I don't very much enjoy that part of this.
Anyway, great chapter, but you just had to end it there, didn't you? Hehehe, now I'm going to be stir crazy until the next update. Hope you're happy.
I'm sensing a pattern in this alternate universe.
ReplyDeleteTwilight wasn't Magical enough to make the sixth element appear.
Pinkie Pie has completely lost her Laughter.
Rarity isn't Generous; instead of spending her own time to make sure everyone is accounted for, she just spends resources.
Fluttershy is not Kind, despite her argument to the contrary.
That just leaves Dishonest Applejack and Traitorous Rainbow Dash.
... OH GOD
ReplyDeleteI JUST REALIZED SOMETHING ABOUT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER
I think there's two possibilities for the lieutenant. God I can't believe I just realized who the other possibility is.
...Wait a second. That must the mean the Lieutenant is... OH CELESTIA!
ReplyDeleteI need the next chapter. Now. My awesome senses are tingling, and they haven't failed me yet.
Confound you, you're making me look forward to fanfiction updates. I never thought I'd see the day.
Okay, rarity is a dumb filly.
ReplyDeleteFluttershy gave away her innocent to innsure the lives of the others.
Pinkie Pie started up her rock farm, and lost her laughter on the way.
Now for some reason im think rd is the captain
I don't have the words to explain how awesome this story is and how much I love it. I just don't.
ReplyDeleteMy DA and Google Docs have been updated with part 7, this post should update in a couple hours or so as well.
ReplyDeleteI submitted part 7 six hours ago :( SEEETH! MAKE IT UPDATE FASTERRRR!
ReplyDeleteerr, by 6 I mean 11
ReplyDeleteit says i dont have permission too view this.
ReplyDeleteCan't access, give permission!!
ReplyDeleteI need permission to access it :(
ReplyDeleteUSE THIS LINK FOR GOOGLE DOCS
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/11yMMc2wNr1MQD7v5otWBvtjmLOxcnoU4d_wWhBo29RY/edit?hl=en_US&authkey=CP7JpEc
I sent the wrong link to Seth, i guess he didn't get my follow up email. You guys can always read it on y DA if something like this happens, and the (correct) link for GD is also posted in the description there.
Did they ever discover the remains of Rainbow in this world?
ReplyDeleteDammit cray, cut those ponies some slack!
ReplyDeleteIt just keeps getting worse and worse for them :(
Over Analysing time.
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash's loyality to his friends forced him to join Nightmare Moon as the Captain.
Why?
To prevent Nightmare Moon from directly hunt down the other 4 ponies?
To save Twilights life?
Wait, Twilight is still alive?
Sure, why not...
I mean, Nightmare Moon is powerful enough to keep Twilight alive somewhere...
And Pinkie talked about Mr. Slide giggling at ghosties before, ghosties as in plural.
On the other hand, it could have been some crazy thoughts in her head...
Anyway, the Shadowbolts uniform hiding the look of the pegasus, the Captain being so interested in the report of Rainbow Dash, the loyality to stay for his fallen follower, it all gives us hints to this universe Rainbow Dash.
So why was our universe RD faster?
Instead of training daily on new tricks, she was probably forced to train in combat to be able to survive and keep her rank as the captain.
And think of the story twist if New Ponyville residents decides to kill the Shadowbolts and Twilight tries to prevent them from removing the masks, because she believes it will be harder for the ponies to actually kill them if they see the pegasus behind the mask instead of just a Shadowbolt, and it's revealed that it's Rainbow Dash.
...Why do I worry more for the Captain and the Lieutenant than I do for the rest of ponykind?
ReplyDeleteStop making me love the bad gals!
Still, I really hope they make it. They're both awesome characters so far, and they deserve more "screen" time, lol.
Captured huh? How interesting...
ReplyDeleteI wonder how Trixie is going to use this to her advantage? Can't wait to find out.
Here's hoping the Captain and Lieutenant make it out okay as well. I wonder what everypony is going to think when they finally find out who is behind the uniforms?
Part 8 is up on my DA
ReplyDeleteI clearly see part 8 is up now.
ReplyDeleteI'll say it here, just like I said on dA, but more clearly:
I think I was saddened to the point where I have had trouble writing today, due to this update.
The story is growing ridiculously intense, incredibly fast, while still flowing naturally and everyone being enough within... no, I should say "not remotely out of character." It's so emotionally powerful that grimdark I think covers not only violence and death but also just is mentally disturbing. I don't think I've been this sad since Bubbles or Severing.
You have started making me disgusted with Ponyville and plead for those shadowbolts. Especially... her...
Fuck me.
@Foppe
ReplyDeleteTwilight is already dead, they ALL saw her die.
I am not the only one thinking who the captain is then, haha. I kind of agree that that seems to be a possibility, if it weren't for the fact that I realized one thing: the captain would be, probably, stunned beyond belief if she saw herself going around Ponyville. But we'll see.
Just throwing my two cents in here, take it for what it's worth.
ReplyDeleteI've never been a fan of horror anything. Movies or games. I avoid Amnesia: The Dark Descent and Cupcakes like nobody's business. BUT. This fanfic is without question my favorite. It's brilliant watching somepony who knows how to express the emotion of a scene without going overboard, who knows how to draw out the 'reveal' part, and who isn't afraid to really explore moral dilemmas. Nothing short of 120% fantastic, and I will remain vigilant for more updates. You're ripping my heart out (esp. with the RD/FS scene, that is still haunting me even though I read it like two weeks ago), and all I can say is this: Keep up the good work! You inspire me to make my own fanfics better.
LIKE.
ReplyDeleteA.
BOSS.
Comments like these are what drive me to keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys!
Oh man, hell of a twist at the end of chapter 8. I'm loving this series so much, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteYour use of foreshadowing is absolutely masterful. I was positive that I knew who the Captain was, and I was 95% sure I knew who the Lieutenant was.
ReplyDeleteAnd that just made everything worse, because I completely misjudged where the chapter was going to go.
This is the best fic I've read on the site, and I'm looking forward to the following chapters. This Chapter finally squashed any hopes I had for a happy ending, but I'm still holding out for a hopeful one.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeletePoor Soaren.
Those last two sentences just sapped all the happiness out of my day.
Well, that entire last paragraph turned something bad to utterly heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI'm sad now =(
That chapter 8 ending D:
ReplyDeleteThis just became the best grimdark-category fic here.
Nate here. Just wanted to say as heart wrenching as this story is I love it. It constantly leaves me hoping for a happy ending, and all but dashing those hopes as I read on... Perhaps I am too hopeful... I must say it's more depressing than Cupcakes (that being more gory than depressing, actually). Also... Part 8 broke my heart. T_T
ReplyDeleteT_T @ end of Chapter 8.
ReplyDeleteAnd suddenly I stopped rooting for new ponyville. Fuck those guys, I hope NMM burns them all at the stake. Now.
ReplyDelete...what, too much? No. Not enough. Rarity, AJ, Soaren? I hope they get theirs. Painfully.
I guess getting this much emotion from me says it all. Great chapter, but I now hate the people I thought were the "good guys". Hell, they don't even deserve that title anymore.
Long live the Shadowbolts! ;)
That everything...
ReplyDeleteYep, that's it. I'm only rooting for the Captain, RBD, and Twi now. Everypony else gets no sympathy.
I do feel bad for Soarin', but... maybe he'll redeem himself, maybe not. Can't wait for the next chapter. Still, if anything happens to the captain I'm going full cupcakes on you. Just a heads up, lol
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteyou are completely right, of course. But remember this: there is no right or wrong in war. The shadowbolts are not the good guys. New Ponyville is not of the 'light side'.
Revenge for revenge for revenge. Where does the cycle end? It doesn't. Not until absolutely everyone is dead.
One thing I am curious about is did Soaren know who the Lieutenant was?
ReplyDeleteSome of the things in Chapter 7 made me think that he did, but after reading this one I'm not so sure.
My reaction to the ending:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbeR6uYxU50&feature=player_detailpage#t=9s
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteNo, Soaren did not know. The Shadowbolts' outfits hide any and all features which could be used to identify the ponies beneath.
Spitfire definitely recognized Soaren, though.
Wondering now why she didn't say anything to him ...
No, nopony except the captain knew who the lieutenant was, but she recognized soaren, which mighg be what your thinking of
ReplyDeleteChapter 8...holy crap, chapter 8...my heart, it's torn asunder. Poor Spitfire. Poor Soaren. Poor Captain. POOR EVERYPONY!
ReplyDeleteExcept Applejack. @&$% Applejack for all I care.
rarity may just be the worst leader of all time. ugh twilight needs to take charge.
ReplyDeletemanly tears were shed. i only hope the captain gets out unharmed. shes the best part of this amazing fic.
So, Mister Cray. When can we expect chapter 9? After what you gave us in 8, I won't be able to think about anything else until I get it. :P
ReplyDeleteOh lord, that plot twist.
ReplyDelete@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeletePart 9 goes up on the 25th. I'm not sure how dark i want it yet, there's two ways it can turn out and one is heart shattering, one hopeful.
I don't normally read grimdark but this is a good read. But chapter 8 that had me tearing up a little bit at the end I was hoping that Twilight would step in sooner and end this Madness. What needs to happen so they can go home or either get the Elements of Harmony and End this nightmare. But still good read.
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteIt seems all the best authors want to shatter my stone heart into tiny pieces, and then shatter those pieces until they're nothing but dust. :P
I'll continue following this religiously either way. Though I admit, I REALLY want a hopeful ending.
...Any chance for alt endings? Hehehehe.
But seriously, great work. It's been a while since anything has made me feel... feelings like this.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteThe sooner the better, so I can stop having fantasies about dropping in on the proceedings of chapter 8 unannounced with a dozen banshees and a battlecruiser at my back and ordering them to raze the city. -_-
I can imagine now....
ReplyDeleteThe Lieutenant soared through the air, her hopes torn by the rending claws beneath her. Desperately, she looked up and locked eyes with Saoren. If I only I had told him, she thought, If only i had time...
She closed her eyes in her final moments, falling towards the crowd. She landed hard on...metal?
The revenant turned hard, splattering the mob members nearby. "into the passenger seat, there's no time!" Yelled Crimson Valor, activating the boost. The lieutenant's eyes began tearing. Maybe there were such things as happy endings...
...In Halo, at least.
Or even better:
ReplyDelete...and then the UNSC arrived and ruined their day.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteI laughed so hard. And felt sad again.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteAwww... you're so sweet. Doing that just for me? <3
Is was thinking Starcraft actually. =P
Blast the town hall with the banshees, back out, then Yamato the colony from orbit. >_>
Rest assured that whatever I may say about your work with this fic, everything about it is amazing. Never before have I actually wanted to continue reading something so dark so much. You truly are a master.
Oh wait, I totally forgot: first fly in at breakneck speeds, grab Spitfire milliseconds before she hits the crowd, do a death-defying turn with her in my arms and speed into the waiting dropship above.
ReplyDeleteTHEN rave the town. >_<
Raze*
ReplyDeleteWe need an edit post button. =P
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the Captain now. ;)
Excuse me as I let my thoughts out here a bit:
ReplyDeleteI know @Crimson Valor stated that there is "no right or wrong in war", but I respectfully disagree. There CAN be a time where neither side in a war are in the right, usually because they are in it for selfish reasons. But that doesn't mean that no side in a war can be on the right side and no side can be the wrong side. I personally believe that New Ponyville is on the right side of the WAR. (emphasis added) Nightmare Moon is a force of evil who started this conquest of Equestria. Anypony who would be against her in my opinion would be on the right side of the war. HOWEVER, New Ponyville is not in the right on this course of action. Two very different things. They can be on the right side of the war and still make the wrong choice. Plus, I would wager that this vicious reaction by fans towards the characters of the story is comprised quite a bit by the fact that we know the characters in question. If the ShadowBolt characters would have been OCs who had little to no background to them, other than the fact that we are told they aren't truly evil, I would think readers would hate the ShadowBolt characters a lot more and the decision of New Ponyville a lot less.
Now to something else: I really like the kinds of themes that I'm seeing in this piece of fiction. It sort of reminds me of Stephen King's The Mist, were one of the themes is that when you take the certainty in life and place fear there instead, society tends to collapse on itself. People (or in this case, ponies) will become irrational, and mob rule usually wins out.
And that's the thing: Who can say that we would act rational and reasonable in their situation? Those who are lashing out against the actions of the New Ponyville characters are missing the fact that they have been through much turmoil in this universe, and what's to say that if given the same circumstances, anyone here would act the same.
tl;dr Don't hate on New Ponyville so much
Well, let's face it. New Ponyville is useless. They aren't fighting a war, they're cowering in a corner, slowly rotting under the "leadership" of Rarity. Maybe if they were actually trying to achieve something, they'd get my sympathy.
ReplyDeleteWhy not hold the Shadowbolts hostage, in case the town is found, to attempt to use them as leverage? Better yet, why not continue the interrogation, and actually see if they can gain useful information which they are CLEARLY lacking.
Naw, let's just murder them, lololololol. Revenge!
It's stupid. Nobody is in the right here, and what was once a bastion of hope seems to be more like a sad little coven of idiots clinging to the past.
Er, just my opinion. Didn't mean to sound confrontational there, lol
@supervanman64
ReplyDeleteTimes are trying, but this isn't even mostly about New Ponyville, I don't blame them at all. I blame Rarity for being a ridiculously incompetent leader who only does what the populace wants because she's so generous. She isn't fit to be a leader, but they had her take that roll. It's all she knows how to do, but my problem is that she ignores Twilight beyond all comprehension and just does things her own way, and that is what I don't like.
My hate is for an incompetent Rarity. And I guess we have a not-so-kind Fluttershy, a disturbed Pinkie Pie, and a Rainbow Dash (supposedly, if she's the captain) who betrayed everyone... so what did AJ lie about? This is what I am anticipating as times goes on.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI also have to agree with this, they aren't really fighting a war.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI haven't. While everyone in the square is busy watching me escape with their prey, my crack Ghost Pony squad went down and busted her out. <3
Exactly.they could have used them for information and somehow formulated a last ditch effort if it came down to it in order to overthrow Nightmare Moon. The have all six bearers of the elements of harmony. And the Spark that ignites them in Twilight but with the way things are going down in New Ponyville I doubt that will ever happen as well due to the fact this is a grimdark fic.
ReplyDeleteIMO Twilight needs to step and try and put some reasoning into these ponies or threaten to take down that cave they're living in if they don't listen. Honestly if I were Twilight that's one of the options I would try she obviously has the Magic and Will Power to do so.
my reaction to 8: Wow... that was...
ReplyDeletesad, impressive, depressing, left me speechless, left me with a feeling of having an empty soul, made me no want to watch anything happy, made me feel sorry for Spitfire, along with others.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete*sadface*
Ugh. Why all this hate for Rarity? It's pretty much established in 7 that New Ponyville's a dead town walking, the ponies here are so broken they're killing themselves left right and centre out of sheer despair, or they would be if Rarity hadn't splurged on the resources to make everyone's lives a little more bearable. Sure she's burning their future to give them warmth and comfort now, but the way the story paints it, they're all dead either way, either they die in comfort soon or in misery later. Would you call a terminal cancer patient an idiot for stopping their chemo simply so their now greatly shortened time left alive wasn't so grindingly awful?
ReplyDeleteThe right decision isn't always the popular one. Sadly, Rarity only makes the popular ones. Too bad that's dooming an entire town, huh?
ReplyDeleteOH GOD
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDelete>Implying there are any right decisions to be made here.
3 things
ReplyDeleteThe elements of harmony are definitely NOT in harmony, and it will take ALOT to bring them into play.
The identity of the Captain is obvious (or am I being fooled?), though I was quite surprised about the Lieutenant.
Cowering in a hole, not even making sacrifices and doing logical things to survive, is not fighting a war.
There out of my system; very good but quite depressing chapter there.
I really really really REALLY want to see how Soaren reacts to this.
ReplyDeleteI know if it were me I'd go into a complete and total mental meltdown.
So I'm 5.2k words into part 9, and I haven't even gotten to the 'holy shit' part of the ending yet. I think this will help balance out that chapter 8 was only about 4k (most chapters average 5k, at least form part 4 onwards). I hope you guys like long reads.
ReplyDeleteWhilst i am thoroughly enjoying this so far i feel i must point something out that nopony has yet to.
ReplyDeleteThe only light is during the night from moonlight right (accidentally rhymed quite alot there), but moonlight is just light from the sun that has been reflected, so how can there be any moonlight during the night if there is no sun.
just a little thing i had to point out, i guess i can just dismiss it as magic and carry on xD
Chapter 8... I... holy shit.
ReplyDeleteYou are an awsome writer. Amazing.
About the light thing... yea I know, I had to draw the line between realism and ponies soemwehere
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI agree with this. Rarity may not be the most amazing leader, but based on the situation I'm not really sure what could be done that would be any better than what Rarity is doing.
And it seems to me that, as such, what is needed from her (which I've read as basically her letting ponies live their last days as comfortably as possible) probably makes her the best suited for the job; similar in a way to how BronyCray utilized Fluttershy.
Meh. I don't know if I can accept letting everyone die out comfortably as something good.
ReplyDeleteA good leader would drag them out of this, by force if they had to. She seems just as concerned with her public image as she does keeping ponies comfortable, and she's going to kill them all because of it.
Point is, maybe there isn't a "better" option. But her current course of action sure as hell isn't commendable, or smart. Instead of looking to the future, they're too busy looking at the past, and pissing themselves in the present.
...Confound you author, stop making me analyze this so much. It's fanfiction, I shouldn't be this interested! ARRGH!
As unlikely as it seems, I think SPOILER-Spitfire-SPOILER still has a small chance of surviving.... ive seen characters come back from worse.
ReplyDeleteitsmagicIdon'thavetoexplainshit.jpeg
If she is dead then thats basically a death sentence for the captain as well.... I mean look how she reacted when they tried to treat the lieutenants wounds D:
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteLong reads are awesome. More words = more fun.
One question I have, because it struck me a while after, but I'm sure you can understand I'm not falling over myself to go and read that again, amazing as it is... Did you at some point state that Spitfire had a mate and a foal, and that they died in the Manehatten riots? Or is that something I misinterpreted and ran off with?
@TenchiFreak5
She could have at least given the chance for compassion. Do you think Soaren would have just stood there and done nothing if Rarity had removed Spitfire's mask earlier? If he knew he was condemning a friend, and not some faceless soldier? If he had been in a position to stick up for her, I think he most certainly would have at least held the judgement off to hear her reasons for becoming a SB.
@Anonymous
Also my view on the subject. A true, competent leader does every damn thing she can to keep her people alive. The claim that she leads in the manner she does so that her citizens' "last days would be as comfortable as possible" is total balls. Sure you might be happy during that time, but then you run out of food and die an agonizing startvation-induced death over the course of the next month.
Chapter 8...
ReplyDeleteThe grimdark in it. I have to take a break now.. Shit that hit me hard.
6 stars.
Yea, spitfire had an unnamed mate and filly that died in the riots.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteFucking wonderful. That makes her death even more heart-wrenching. An entire family erased, for no reason other than to temporarily sate the bloodlust of a deranged mob of lunatics wearing blinkers.
Spitfire's motivation and past is difficult to piece together, because there's things the captin says in two different scenes that explain it. I think I might dedicate a pre-chapter italicized section to her in chapter 9 to lay it out more clearly
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteYou fucking destroyed me. Your story has wrenched open my ribcage, pierced the bright glow around my heart, sliced away the layers of my emotions, and plucked my very soul from its resting place. alternating between gently and forcefully you sew these dark seeds into my very being. Placing it back, you leave me open and exposed, forced to carry the icy metal burden till you return.
~RSZ
Civil wars are always the worst kind of war. Oh well, she picked her side I suppose. I just have to wonder about the collateral damage if the group ends up fighting Nightmare Moon.
ReplyDelete@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteCongratulations; you have gotten me to post on the internet instead of simply lurking. I like complex stories.
--Spoiler rant ahead.--
All of the Elements of Harmony characters are being stressed on their core values. I wouldn't place too much anger towards Rainbow Dash because she displayed an interestingly large amount of loyalty to her friends by playing the betrayer. I say playing because she seems to have been intentionally obstructionist about her job: burning down the town and letting everyone escape/scatter instead of actually looking for the other 4; hiding investigations and leads for the last several months; removing officers that are not loyal to her AND do not show an independent degree of compassion; keeping inquisitor Trixie out of her head and likely standing as a hidden opposition to her NKVD-like secret police... I guess that makes Trixie = Beria, Nightmare Moon = Stalin, and Dash ... Khrushchev? It seems like Dash's choice which broke her was to shield her friends by sacrificing herself in a more complete way than simply dying in a delaying tactic.
Also, Rarity seems to be an incompetent administrator, but has literally been faced with a growing problem of suicide. I suspect that might be the other reason for more holding cells. To her, nothing else much matters except morale issues at the moment in a way that reminds me of the book/movie 'On The Beach'.
That ending to C8... I... you... she.... oh, Celestia, that twist was good enough to warrant me commenting...
ReplyDelete•elite guy 94•
62 ratings
ReplyDelete5 star average
HOLY SHIT DO I GET A 6 STAR STORY NOW?
oh, uh, and chapter 9 is going up in the morning. I still got some stuff to tweak though, so maybe a bit later in the day.
Wait...
ReplyDeleteWhat if Twilight aint really dead... the original twilight of the world...
What is she survived, but just barely...
And then used the next 10 months to train her avatar like powers to stop nightmare moon.
Reuniting her friends... ANd finally work out what went wrong the first time around...
Soo
AJ tries to be honest about the resistance, but keeps ponies in the dark about certain vital facts.
Rarity is gives as much as she can to make the ponies happy, before they will all die an horrible death and start eating each other.
Pinkie Pie lost her laugh, and she uses the memory of olden times to keep her fears away.
Fluttershy kills her innocence, and her animal friends, her reason in life, she gave up everything close to her, to keep the other ponies alive.
Rainbow Dash who might be alive, gave up everything to do the classic playing traitor-gambit, buuut nobody knows... Other then Nightmare Moon.
As it is, there looks like there is no real hope to defeat nightmare moon... I just want a happy ending
Part 9 is up on my DA. It's the longest thing I've ever written. Most of you guys called what was going to happen I think, but nobody got it quite right.
ReplyDeleteAAAH, Last chapter was so awesome... yet so GRRRR
ReplyDeleteIm starting to hate so much, but you make it so... I want to read MORE.
I just... I just want to see some HOPE...
There is no... hope.... just no hope in sight...
there is no hope... There is no light in the end of the tunnel...
And here I was thinking that it was the most hopeful note since they had gotten to New Ponyville
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteHope, damn, I can't find hope. They will die of starvation or be invaded by Trixie.
Nitpick
"The car rumbled to a stop,"
A carriage is some sort of car, but my head thinks of modern automobiles. It broke the immersion somewhat.
6 STARS! YESSSSS!
ReplyDeleteI will write all day in celebration. The first section of chapter 10 is done, I'm in full swing :D
I'd like to thank all my viewers, Seth/Cereal and EqD for being awesome, and caffeing. Seriously, Arizona ice tea is a godsend.
Mostly though, you guys. The people who bother to read this stuff and maybe even the comments, whether you reply or not, I love you. MLP and the community have literally changed the way I think about life and make me want to share my love and friendship with everyone.
You guys rock <3
man you work fast dude, Im loving this story
ReplyDeleteThis is more of the, you can bring the pony to the river, but you cant make the pony drink from it if it does not want to.
ReplyDeleteRarity wants to kill the city, thinking about the now.
AJ is trying to do something, but really what is not said, as the resistant been silent for months.
Pinkie is insane, no hope there, unless all her friends comes togheter and kidnaps her, making her the hardest element to get.
Fluttershy is one of the healthiest of the six, since we know very little about what aj has done.
Rainbow Dash of the world does not consider them her friends, altought rainbow dash and twilight may bring some might bring some hope to her.
Rainbow dash is trying to hold strong, but with her hoof wounded she will be mothered by twilight much and cant do much, and only holds strong since twilight is, and wants to do anything to help her, keep her alive.
Then we got Twilight, the only one who havent completely lost hope, if we dont count aj who we know nothing about. She wants to make everypony to survive for as long as possible.
Next up we got the antagonists.
Trixie and Nightmare Moon.
Trixie, will invade new ponyville soon, and will gain some power from that, within a few chapters i would say. now she is very intresting. She has grown much in power since we first saw her in boast busters.
Nightmare Moon is satisfied with how it is, a the Shadowbolt police was just used as an inital army to do this.
But the thing is... Nightmare Moon is not evil... All she want is for ponies to enjoy her night. as it is they sleep during the darkness, and wake during the night. But i guess she will soon notice that nobody enjoys her night anymore... actually... All we know is how the refugees have it.. Horrible. And there is a resistance somewhere... but what about canterlot and whatnot...
Currently the only real threat is Trixie...
The Wonerbolts are loyal to only Rainbow Dash, but i doubt many of them knows her real identity, so rainbow dash might have abandoned them... But i find that unlikly, she will return, as its the only way to apparently help the ponies...
From that,,, the other ponies dont have it that good really, so maybe it explains something...
So really we need a piece of light... Like some mysterious V fighting nightmare moon alone...
Maybe Twilight could be the one to bring hope... To be the light, to create the thing that missed...
Oh yeah, it annoys me, butthe reason to why the sixth element did not appear... WHY
Wow Rainbow. Self-righteous much? Bah.
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteFrankly, 6 out of 5 stars is an insult, this story should be at least a 10 out of 5. But enough fancy mathematics, this story is amazing, the two day wait for a chapter here is bugging me about as much as the who-knows-how-many-months wait for season 2. Keep up the wonderful work, and I'll continue eagerly reading.
Oh my God... BronyCray, you have crafted the most moving story I have ever read. This transcends any other fanfiction I've ever read, and that's a LOT of fanfiction.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had anything more to say, but... wow.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou have a very odd definition of self righteous my friend. But hey, whatever.
The Captain, Rainbow Dash... did not disappoint. She's become my anchor in this story. I don't care what happens to New Ponyville anymore. Truthfully, I only care about Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and this universe's Dash.
I can't wait to see what you have in store next.
Story is getting really emo and pretentious now. I really enjoyed it before they arrived at New Ponyville. There's also a log of stuff that doesn't make sense like all of this could have been avoided if the Captain took off her mask and shown Rarity who she really was and explained
ReplyDeleteYour plot twists are starting to make my brain hurt. ._.
ReplyDeleteMy heart literally skipped a beat when I saw this had been updated <3
ReplyDeleteWhere the hell do I even start? I figured Dash would try to free the Captain, but that revelation hit me harder than I expected. We all knew who was behind the mask, but the way you wrote it allowed it to have impact regardless.
And then she spared Rarity. That makes me think that there is still hope left. I wonder what effect that action will have on Rarity? Maybe... I don't know, I really don't like Rarity but I really think this may help change things for the better. I'm a firm believer in Redemption, I think we'll see it. Then again, I may be proven wrong. Who knows?
Speaking of Redemption, I get the feeling that this may be an important theme here. Just a hunch, hehehe. No, I'm not just saying that because of the tag. The more I look at it, the more I KNOW it will play in somewhere.
Also I've said this before, but the Captain (Got to find a new way to say Dash without confusing anyone, since there are two now. Hehehe.) is SO. AWESOME. That much depth in fanfics is almost unheard of, but you've made her one of the most interesting characters I've ever seen. Her next actions will be very telling, I think.
I'm already awaiting the next chapter with bated breath. I'm very curious to see more of the Resistance, if they're even going to factor in at this point.
@Paperpony
ReplyDelete>Jump into grimdark
>call it "emo" and "pretentious"
>Idon'tthinkthatwordmeanswhatyouthinkitmeans.png
Anyway, the newest chapter was fantastic. It was... hopeful, in the small way that this universe's RD grew up, realized something. But for Ponyville? I want them to burn still.
I can see this going two ways by the ending:
Twilight, along with every other element from that universe, some how get together and vanquish NMM. Long shot but honestly who knows.
The other way would be something along the lines of "everyone is dying and burning while Twilight/Rainbow Dash teleport/cross dimensions to leave, and they try to forget everything they saw and gain a new appreciation for what they have in their world."
But honestly I'm not sure I like either. I'm still stuck on what happened to Spitfire.
To whoever was asking, Soarin was talking to RD about whether or not it was worth it to kill the prisoners and he said that Spitfire's "Colt and foal" died.
Now I need to wait two days for this next chapter. Fucking A'...
I'm sorry that this chapter was a little hard to follow. There was a lot I wanted to wrap up here, but the reveal of the captain was also long overdue. I originally intended Rarity to be pretty much a 1 shot chapter, like pinkie or Fluttershy, but then the lieutenant and Soaren came in and Applejack was more involved than I originally planned....
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I thought I might share some ways that this almost went. I played around with the ending here a lot, and some of the ideas that I wrote out were...not my best.
1- the captain was originally fluttershy.
2- New Ponyville was thought up while writing chapter 4. I had no idea what I was going to do with the story after Fluttershy until I started writing.
3- Rarity was supposed to just be in charge of distributing resources, and the mayor pony was in charge. I realized that this was silly because Rarity would simply be fired if she became overly generous.
4- Applejack wasn't supposed to even be in New Ponyville. You would have still not met her in the story so far.
5- New Ponyville was supposed to be a cameo spot for derpy and other random ponies from the show and community. As it turned out, its hard to make a scene carry much emotion when a mailpony crashes through the window.
6- Scootaloo was supposed to have died. There wasn't really any reason to kill a filly though, so I decided to just not mention the CMC at all (except for her one cameo when she talks to Twilight).
7- This might be my favorite. The leader of New Ponyville was almost Trixie. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. Ignoring the task of trying to explain why she would want to lead a bunch of random villagers, the villagers don't have any reason to follow her and her ambition would clearly carry her towards Nightmare Moon's side. The only thing i could have done with her as mayor was make her an already redeemed character, but that's boring and doesn't leave me any room to explore Rarity.
And these are just off the top of my head, you guys should see my notes document.
Now that was a twist I did not expect.
ReplyDeleteOh yea, Soaren. He was supposed to just make a cameo, but a few things lead to him eing an actual character. First off was the decision to include the lieutenant, who brought out the captain's character for the audience. The lieutenant, of course, had to be a real character herself, so I went for the emotional impact and made her an old friend of Soaren's. I played around with the idea of having Spitfire be Trixie's mole in the airforce, but I don't think I could have kept the captain from committing suicide had that happened.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Soaren kinda wrote himself into this against my will. Looking back now, he gave me a lot of opportunities to experiment with the will to live, guilt, and judgment, but at the time I kept thinking "WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS GUY?!"
btw, I still don't know how to spell his name.
I love how Rainbow is still the best pony even when were not sure it's actually her. lol
ReplyDeleteWish I could add something to these comments but all I have right now is "OHMIGOSHOHMISGOSHOHMIGOSH!"
Worst. Critic. Ever.
This has become my favorite chapter simply because of the reveal that's been a long time coming. Well played.
Looking forward to the next update. Can't wait to see where everypony goes from here.
This is amazing.
ReplyDelete@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteSoarin' is canon, hehe.
Personally, I wanted to see more from him. A conversation between him and Dash now would be very interesting indeed.
Ah well.
@BronyCray
ReplyDeleteIt's "Soarin." Was on faust's dA after the finale aired. Lol.
Anyway, yeah, Soarin... wrote himself so well. I assume he's... gone now?
I read it, and after I realized what was going on my jaw dropped (This was about 4 paragraphs before Applejack figured it out).
ReplyDeleteAfter I composed myself, I read the rest of the Chapter in a state of sort-of shock.
Then I reread the earlier conversation Twilight had with the new information on my mind, and my jaw dropped again.
Absolutely fantastic.
... So only three of us figured out it was RD back when they met in everfree?
ReplyDeleteLol. I feel special now.
Soar(e/i)n is gone, yes. I don't really want to write more about him, but I'm definately seeing where the story takes me as well. If I see an opportunity for character development, I'll use his suicide for some more impact.
ReplyDeleteI do love this story, and the new rainbow dash excites me, a path with the story, she seems more like the only one too really pull the story.
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash just want to protect Twilight, Twilight want to move an unmovable wall...
So Rainbow Dash is the only character not bound...
Its a bit like V for Vendetta... She is free, Only Rarity, Soaren, Twilight, Rainbow Dash aand... 2-3 others who knows who the captain is.
So you got an antagonist who became the protagonist...
So tomorrow maybe a new chapter...
Also BronyCray, jesus you write fast.
I have to agree with the above.
ReplyDeleteThe "new" RD seems to be quickly becoming a main protagonist. I'm very okay with this. She's been a favorite from the start anyway.
I'm interested in hearing where you think the captain's character is going. Your predictions about everything make me smile.
ReplyDelete@AnonymousCould be. Though you have to admit, the dressing down she gave Rarity was as self-righteous as it gets.
ReplyDeleteNormally, I should be on her side, but somehow she makes my blood boil instead. It's like her being a Shadowbolt suddenly is a virtue (one I'm not yet seeing), and her lieutenant is worth more than everypony in New Ponyville. Way more than Spike. That's just messed up. Did she feel sorry for THAT yet? Does she feel sorry for ANYTHING besides Spitfire? It's like are supposed to ignore the Shadowbolts part completely! And Paperpony is right, they had ample chance to make their identity clear. I feel like I'm supposed to root for her, but instead I just want to yell to her face.
That Rarity (who, in the other world, kicked a Manticore in the FACE) suddenly became a coward probably didn't help much.
I'm sorry. Something about Rainbow provoked a gut reaction in me, made me really angry with her, more angry than any other fic I've read on this site. I fear I can't explain it better than that...
@AnonymousCould be. Though you have to admit, the dressing down she gave Rarity was as self-righteous as it gets.
ReplyDeleteNormally, I should be on her side, but somehow she makes my blood boil instead. It's like her being a Shadowbolt suddenly is a virtue (one I'm not yet seeing), and her lieutenant is worth more than everypony in New Ponyville. Way more than Spike. That's just messed up. Did she feel sorry for THAT yet? Does she feel sorry for ANYTHING besides Spitfire? It's like are supposed to ignore the Shadowbolts part completely! And Paperpony is right, they had ample chance to make their identity clear. I feel like I'm supposed to root for her, but instead I just want to yell to her face.
That Rarity (who, in the other world, kicked a Manticore in the FACE) suddenly became a coward probably didn't help much.
I'm sorry. Something about Rainbow provoked a gut reaction in me, made me really angry with her, more angry than any other fic I've read on this site. I fear I can't explain it better than that...
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteI suspected it almost immediately, but I'll admit that I didn't truly put any weight on the idea until the beginning of Chapter 6.
Damn double post Argh!
ReplyDeleteHard to say. I do really think that whatever is going to happen, she's going to be a major player, or even catalyst.
ReplyDeleteHeck, I'd even wager that she could easily become the main protagonist here. The Elements in this universe seem to be a bit twisted, but so far they only seem to be twisting because situations call for it. Fluttershy has lost her innocence, but the cause of that? It's kindness. She does what she does out of kindness to the other ponies, so they don't have to experience what she does... So far, with the possible exception of Pinkie and AJ, they've represented their traits to a fault in many ways. I think there is still some loyalty in Dash. It just has to be earned again. Plus, her time in the 'Bolts has proven that she's not really betraying anyone. She may be the only reason they're still alive! I'll think she'll find redemption, one way or another.
Plus, we can't so easily forget... Friendship is Magic, you f*ckers.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteHaha. Yes I was talking it over with a few people on dA... :P
To this anon who double posted: I honestly don't feel much for RD yet, sure she's my favorite and she's made the hopeful choice, but I don't think it means much for Ponyville.
the mental image of a pony trying to twirl a knife made me take that last chapter less seriously than I probably should have :p
ReplyDeleteIm a little scared of the next chapter since the otherworld trixie seems to be undeniably evil, and now she knows where they are... It can only get worse unless they find some kind of mcguffin.(is that what you call it?)
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI didn't take it as self-righteousness. She was basically calling Rarity out because Rarity was pretending to be the self-righteous one.
I'm also in huge disagreement about whether Captain Dash and Spitfire should have revealed their identities, because it doesn't seem to me like it would have made any difference at that point.
--------Possibly Crazy Idea Beyond This Point---------
Also, unless I completely misread something in Chapter 7, I don't see why we should act as if Spike is actually dead.
i just read part 9 i think im now confused at what happened
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWhy would she? She didn't kill Spike. Little guy didn't move out of the way of a tree. Plus, she didn't even know him. Never got the chance to.
Dash is loyal to her friends. In this case, her only friend was Spitfire. Her leadership of the 'Bolts seems to be subversive to NMM's regime as well. She seemed to make sure innocent casualties were kept to a minimum. In her own way, she's proven to be just as if not more loyal than her "real" counterpart.
Er, just my opinion. I respect yours as well, and do see where you're coming from. ;)
I had a feeling Spitfire would end up as a shadowbolt, it never mentioned that she died, but i didn't suspect RD til she began avoiding questions
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDelete>Spike went missing during the fight
>Tree fell
>He hasn't appeared since
>They assume he's dead (hint: he actually is)
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteLets get it out of the way so people will regret reading the comment section ahead of time:
Rainbow Dash from this alternate universe accepted NMM's request to join the Shadowbolt's when they were going through the Everfree forest during the pilot episode. She is the captain of the Shadowbolts, and took Dash's place during most of this chapter when original-universe Dash went to release her from her cell.
From his DA profile on chapter 7
ReplyDelete~BronyCray 4 days ago
Spike is dead, I originaly had a scene where they went and got his body back, but it really didn't add anything to the story that didn't fit better somewher else.
So far I am liking the story. It is really well written and I am liking how the characters are interacting, even if Rarity seems like she could use some slightly stronger characterization.
ReplyDeleteAs to the people above, what I felt was the case is that the decisions they are making are the way they are because they are all completely out of their elements and just trying to make the best choices they could, but failing because the situation is simply that bad.
Finally, in regards to character death. As a writer never kill off a character simply because you don't know what to do with them. There is a difference between a character dying to a trivial cause, and a character being killed trivially.
One can be used as a story telling device if done right(In this case Spitfire,and if you carry through with it, Soarin'), but the other (In this case Spike's rather ignored tree encounter) implies that you as an author just did not take the time to come up with a way to use them.
Knew it. Knew it like 4 chapters ago.
ReplyDeleteThat is all.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI was under the impression Spike's death was a justification for immediately giving the Wonderbolts to the citizens?
Oh. Well that torpedoes one of my ideas.
ReplyDeleteYea, Spike's death is what pushed Rarity from "there's no reason we can't be civil about this" to "no need to be civil about it". Had she remained impartial, she might have at least given them a fair hearing.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat was exactly why I thought Spike being dead was going to be subverted in the end, though I guess I was just reading too much into it.
@Zanzibar
ReplyDeleteA mcguffin is a meaningless trinket used to move the plot forward as the characters try to obtain it.
What you're thinking of is "Dues Ex Machina" where something saves the characters that was never mentioned before or is ridiculously overpowered.
All I know is that with recent developments Twilight and Rainbow Dash better find a way to get out of Dodge that is of course. But with the impending Trixie rad coming business is about pick up.
ReplyDeleteoh.... wow...
ReplyDeleteeasily one of the best pieces of literature i've read. especially the last two chapters.
you left me speechless.
Well... the only thing lacking is Twilight returning from the death, after figuring out what caused them to fail.
ReplyDeleteShe is hell bent on destroying rainbow dash, hillarity ensures as she finds the wrong one, and meets other twilight... An magic battle like no other happens as Twilight thinks twilight killed rainbow dash, this causes both of them to go into avatar mode and starts destroying the world around them... Something happens and they fuse togheter to one super magical pony.
Then they go to defeat NM
Rainbow Dash is alive, both meet up, get applejack with them, Rarity follows as everyone in New Ponyville is dead. Fluttershy learns about this somehow, brings pinkie pie.
They collect the elements, defeat NM and Celestia re-appears. This time NM is almost destroyed due to the discord in her. leaving only that tiny piece of harmony left...
Geeeh blah i want to delete everything i wrote but i wont ._.
Ain't getting this love for Captain Rainbow Dash. You know she is to blame for what the residents of New Ponyville became, don't you? And is responsible, by extension, for their actions. Sure, she disobeyed her first order from Nightmare Moon but only instead of killing the town quickly, she just killed their future, leaving those left to their own devices, watching each other die a slow, lingering death either from starvation or sheer despair. Chalk one up for compassion eh? Seriously, fuck the captain. If Celestia ever gets back, I hope she roasts her in solar plasma for what she's done.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteEmpathy is a powerful thing. We haven't experienced those things, just the loss of Spitfire, so we don't have those emotions to dwell on.
I kind of agree, that this RD isn't... exactly the best; that's why the author's comment that this chapter was uplifting confused me. She's sort-of-evil but not completely, but she still took the merciful approach when it came to Ponyville, and she took the approach that saved as many as possible. When she took that power, there isn't a lot she can do against nightmare moon.
LOL. Right, like Ponyville wouldn't have burned without her. Nobody would be alive if it wasn't for the Captain. This story would be two ponies wandering aimlessly, only to get snatched by the 'Bolts and summarily executed.
ReplyDeleteShe saved them, in Ponyville and after when she didn't report their presence.
If anyone has killed New Ponyville, it's Rarity. The one who led the chance she was given slide into *this* shit.
Captain Dash held off NMM long enough for the rest to get away, she saves them in Ponyville without them even knowing it, she withholds information from NMM about Dash and Twi, and then she spares Rarity, the pony responsible for the brutal execution of her "only" friend.
ReplyDeleteYeah, what an "Evil" character. Heh...
New Ponyville's condition isn't her fault at all. They wouldn't exist without her. You're telling me that she should have just let them all die?
And it's not Rarity's fault either, other Anon. I'm not a fan of her here either, but the hate is getting absurd. Everypony has been broken. It's all of their faults for not recognizing a chance to get carry on when they see it. It's actually kind of pathetic, come to think of it.
I find the claim she saved the citizens of Ponyville a little hard to stomach. If she had prior knowledge of a the existence of a cavern within reach, sufficient to house and conceal the community, and a viable food source to support them such as the edible fungus growing throughout the Everfree forest, then I could take the burning of Ponyville as an attempt to save them.
ReplyDeleteShe displayed neither.
So yeah, I'd say burning a town, along with their main source of food and leaving them to slowly waste in the dark is still pretty evil.
You're assuming it wouldn't have been burned either way. And if she tried to defend the town, all she would have done was gotten herself killed. It was inevitable, and she took the only viable option, which allowed them to at least have a chance. One they haven't capitalized on. At all.
ReplyDeleteWhat, she should have just let them all die in the raid? She's what keeps the 'Bolts in check. Without her, they would have been openly murdering everyone that didn't conform. Calling her evil is just stupid. Dark? Oh my, yes.
Let's face it. Characters have flaws. You only look at the flaws, then of course you'll have an opinion like that. She's the only one who has adapted to the situation. Heck, she may have even done more for Ponyville than Rarity, whose contribution was inevitable starvation.
Now she seems like the best/only chance they have, if she doesn't just simply go back to Nightmare.
Posting way to often here. Confound these ponies, yada yada yada...
ReplyDeleteGetting away from the whole dash mess, I'd actually quite like to see what would happen if Trixie successfully usurped Nightmare Moon. I'd love it if she actually turned out to be some kind of magnificent bastard and ended up literally saving (or helping to save) the day.
Indeed. I've never felt so strongly about a story... I need to stop posting myself.
ReplyDeleteStil, I do respect your opinion. I keep coming off like a arse, so I apologize. :(
Oh wow RD, how generous you were back then. Let Ponyvile suffer more at the hand of NMM while you go on and fuck up the rest of Equestria. It isn't like the other shadowbolts or the rest of NMM's army could destroy Ponyvile without you.
ReplyDeleteRainbow basicly said fuck you too them all when she joined the NMM. Even if she was forced by circumstances she could have left at any time because only Nightmare knew who she was. The only reason she had to stay is to try to sabotage them from the inside. The only good thing she did was not revealing the location of New Ponyvile. And she fucked that up. Now Trixie will come and destroy the village.
Also regarding Rarity's decision... Let's be honest here it was without a doubt the only good decision.
She had 3 options.
Let them go and risk to revel their location to NMM
Keep them in cells and give them food from the already low supplies.
Kill them to boost the morale of the inhabitant's and maybe stop them committing mass suicide.
Rarity made the best decision in her situation. The only other thing she could have done was to torture them to death for information to give to the resistance.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNo worries. Whatever our opinions on proceedings, we're still united by our love for poni, right?
Only good decision? Are you high?
ReplyDeleteThey captured two members of the Shadowbolts, ask like two questions, then execute them? The FUCK? It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Use them as leverage, maybe TRY to interrogate them?! No. Morale low, so kill time! lololololololol
And supplies wouldn't be low if it wasn't for the fact Rarity is literally the worst leader of all time. Cap'n Dash did NMM a favor leaving Rarity alive. Now the town will continue to rot into oblivion. No force needed.
But now Trixie is coming, to end this herself. Can't say I'll feel bad when history repeats itself, but Captain Dash isn't there to reign the chaos in.
She's the only character aside from Dash and Twi I can feel anything for at this point. She's the reason they had any chance to survive at all, but between Rarity and Trixie, that hope is a thing of the past.
...Wow, I did it again. Celestia, I'm sorry. Don't post while intoxicated.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the triple, but I'm gonna... not do this anymore. I feel really bad. I like Captain, you don't. You like ponies, and so do I! It's balances out, right? :D
ReplyDeleteG'night, and sorry for the spaminess.