Author: Chicken Vortex
Description: “The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea” -Isak DinseGetting Lucky
Getting Lucky Part 2
Getting Lucky Part 3
Getting Lucky Part 4
Getting Lucky Part 5
Getting Lucky Part 6 (New!)
Additional Tags: Ship, Shipping, Science, Something, Snow cones
Also His April foals entry after the break as requested
12) The Bestest Pranksgiving Ever!
Description: Love is like a sandwich. It happens when you least expect it, and usually comes with fries and a drink.[Crossover] Lucky, Dr. Whoof, Coconut, Sandwich, Author: Vincent Van Dough
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129 comments:
Ahah. Ship. Because they're on a ship.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Well, it amusing at any rate. Does it reference something I am not getting maybe? :P
ReplyDeleteAn enjoyable goofball with a never-ending supply of luck? Fun!
ReplyDeleteI like where this is going! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteIn the name of the holy shit! This is amazing!
ReplyDeleteso much win in just one fic, why did you do this? how can I do this? goddammit! just AMAZING! now on my favorites list
It's nice to see you ebrona! I miss you...
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that we saw your message! I hope to see you soon...
Im sorry about the comment that has nothing to do with the story!
Ebrona!! ♥
ReplyDeleteI'm reading the story. I bet it will be amaaaazing!
Glad you like it! More on the way soon.
ReplyDeleteHaha Nokota Terska. It's Nikola Tesla only a pony. I get it. Also he is the most awesome scientist in the history of forever. See The Oatmeal's comic for more info.
ReplyDeleteHmm. It seems pretty promising so far. I kindda wish I had some details on what lucky and coconut looked like. But I liked it, I'll be on the watch for another part!
ReplyDelete@Kjh242
ReplyDeleteThe only real mad scientist. If he had lived long enough, and gotten enough funding, war would be fought with death lasers mounted on tamed flying-giant-squid-cyborgs that we ride into battle. That, or tanks that shoot ark-lightning like they were Sith. Either way it would have been awesome.
OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH
ReplyDeleteTHIS WAS AMAZING!
Lucky is now my favorite background pony. He's better than Caramel and Lyra combined!
I LOVE THIS STORY.
ReplyDeletePlease finish it. It made me smile while I took a break from my sad story. =3
I like how this includes Coconut who is one of my favorite background ponies :3
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty interesting, but...
ReplyDeleteDoctor Whooves actions/personality seem a bit forced on the ''angry-fan-joking guy''... a bit much...
Solid story so far. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteFYI that quote is from Karen Blixen, under the pen name of Isak Dinesen.
ReplyDelete@Naxts
ReplyDeleteYou can always look at the list of ponies in the wiki
Hello again! So I'm going to try to answer some of your comments every day while working on this. Here goes.
ReplyDelete@Baree
I'm glad you found it amusing, and no. This story is not referencing anything. Hopefully you'll get it by the time it's done :)
@madmax
THE Madmax? Famous for such quests as "April Foal", and defeating ex-hero Twin Blade? (Fable reference. That's how I greet everyone I meet who's name I know). Why I did this was because Magic, and if you want to do this then BUY MY NEW BOOK, "I'm Equestria, and so can you!" Sold at all pony retail stores near you. Also ♥! I appreciate your comment.
@Naxts
You're right. I didn't describe any of the main ponies. I will give you a hint for Lucky though. Somewhere on this page there's a picture of him. It's near the title of the story, so if you want to lock down what he looks like in your brain, then just look around a little. I'm sure you'll find it. Also as Anonymous has said. The wiki has pictures of them.
Ok, so that's all for now. I'll check in again when the next chapter is up!
o_o ... That might have been the most aggressive flirtation I've ever seen... Either Joule lives up to her name and is just a raging supply of energy, or she's scheming something... Something, EVIL!
ReplyDeleteI cannot wait for more!
I know a nokota is a wild horse breed... But Terska? My google-fu only found that term as the finnish word for, well, penis. (And dammit wikipedia, for having a bunch of illustrations right at the top of the page...)
ReplyDeleteIs that intentional...?
@Escher
ReplyDeleteHaha. Wow. That was in NO way planned. It's actually based off of the horse breed "Tersk". I added the "a" to the end in order to make it sound more like Telsa. Your discovery just happens to be an extremely awkward coincidence.
themoreyouknow.jpg
I kept thinking of the game "Save Doctor Lucky", because the game takes place on a sinking cruise ship.
ReplyDeleteI love this story.
ReplyDeleteGreat job characterizing the ponies, and it's very well written. I'll be keeping close watch of this story.
Yay! I love it!
ReplyDeleteI fear the Joule is planning something... nasty... :P
Well, that was most excellent. Chapter two had me laughing at several occasions. Mainly Lucky's reintroduction, that was priceless. I am really looking forward to chapter three now.
ReplyDeleteAren't those three the guys that sprayed Vinyl Scratch with green hair paint?
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome.
So this will be too!
*starts reading*
Bitches be crazy, man. Seriously, Joule sounds like a Level: Fatal Attraction.
ReplyDeleteVery good. i was skeptical after the first part, but now that the second part has arrived, I can safely give it 5 stars!
ReplyDeleteThis is totally a 6-star story. I've loved each and every word of it thus far, and it's so brilliantly written.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for more! :)
Thoroughly enjoyable if I do say so myself... I like the personality on Lucky for some reason... even though normally I wouldn't.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE EVERYTHING!
ReplyDeleteFirst chapter didn't really impress me, but it's been great since!
ReplyDeleteJoule is a scary lady. Good thing Lucky doesn't mind a little violence between friends o_0
ReplyDeleteYou would do well to use only one exclamation mark or question mark at the end of a line of dialogue. "!?!" is never pleasant to read. (If you feel a single mark provides insufficient emphasis, then put more force into the lines and the descriptive text.)
awsome story and cant wait for the nest part
ReplyDeleteavocado snow cones mmmmmmm.....
ReplyDeleteThis, i dare say, would make just a good piece of original work if you simply adjusted all the pony-flavored text. I mean, a little more detail and you just have a great story about a guy and his former girlfriend. Not that the pony theme isn't creative, but there's not a lot that they do AS ponies that can't be done as humans.
If this is a test run for an original piece of work, congratulations, you passed! If it's just a nice bit of fanfiction, well, keep writing anyway. Not generally a fan of het shipping (or any shipping, really), but this is pretty cool.
At first I was really disliking Joule, but ch 3 kinda fixed that. I can totally understand her point of view -- "I thought you were being mean! I didn't realize you were really that stupid."
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, was wondering how Coco and Scratch are getting along? Thought it was a little odd he went on a cruise without her and then seemed interested in the nurse... did they break up?
ReplyDeleteHi again! I'm glad to hear that several of you are still liking it!
ReplyDelete@theredangelz
6-stars? Really? That's nice of you to say. I certainly wouldn't mind it, but we'll see how it goes. I'll love my story no matter what.
@Star Whistle
Yes. Yes Joule is. Also when it comes to "?!?" I don't really know of there are rules for it or what. I do that just because "?!" makes it difficult to see the exclamation mark sometimes. I shall do some research into the rules of such things.
@jenovaii
Just to let you know how my brain works, at first I thought you wrote "hat shipping", and I was wondering how hats could have a relationship, then I started getting ideas for a story about it, then I read it right and forgot about it. I'm not really a fan of shipping stories either, but I want to try different types of stories, if just for practice.
@Escher
Glad to hear you can empathize with Joule. I'm also glad to hear that people were scared of her before. It means she came across just as I hoped she would. Also lore fact: Scratch is just too much awesome for one pony. Her and Coconut still do stuff, but they're not exclusive. I think I might try to get that story pinned to this post after it's done, just so people know what I'm talking about.
Thanks for your comments everyone! It's just so much better than silent appreciation. I guess there's a new system for releasing story updates (something about releasing them all in one big clump at midnight instead of individually) so be sure to be on the lookout for that. See you all then!
From the comments, I can say that this trio had at least one story before. Anybody could give me name of it or link it?
ReplyDeleteCause the writer definitely know what he/she is doing and made quite a nice story.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm working on it, but my method involves portals, and it's taking me some time to work out. Have no fear. There will be a way to reach it... eventually.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAlso thanks for saying I know what I'm doing. I appreciate you having such an opinion of me.
Chapter 3 made me dawwww.
ReplyDeleteWell done, good sir. Well done.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteThe rule on punctuations is you use only one punctuation mark, but an interrobang ("?!") counts as a single mark, as does an elipsis ("...").
Don't worry about ?! being hard to see -- it's not, promise. Putting more than one punctuation mark just makes it look a bit like a bad twitter post.
hehe this story is pretty damn cute
ReplyDeleteThe end of 4th chapter is just awesome. Keep going!
ReplyDelete@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteYes, really, 6 stars. I love this story so goddamn much. <3
All throughout these stories one phrase has been running through my head- OH DAYUM!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI like the style, reminds me of Catch 22.
ReplyDelete@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteThey've added previous fic, that I requested. Sweet!
Hey everyone! Chicken Vortex here again to respond to comments. Here-a we go!
ReplyDelete@Escher
It has been done! All ?!?s are now ?!s.
@Crimson Valor
You think it should be 6-stars too? Well I am touched. I'm a little nervous to see what people will think once it's finished, since I've had a bit of a bad history when it comes to endings (I have a few theories for this, but that's for a different discussion), but like I've said before, I love my stories no matter what, and it makes me feel good when other people do too. So thank you Crimson Valor, for thinking so highly of my work. A brohoof to you.
@Anonymous
Heck yes. You're welcome.
OK! If any of you have something to say, feel free, and I will be back later to answer you comments later. By for now.
I liked reading these a lot. Both Getting Lucky and the Pranksgiving story.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed was that you misspell 'handsome' a lot.
I was wondering, does Lucky appear as a background pony in one of the episodes? I know Dr. Whooves and Caramel do, but I was wondering about Lucky.
Great story, amazing humor throughout the whole thing. need moar!
ReplyDeleteLucky is the most adorable pony ever.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the next parts!
If this guy wasn't so funny, I'd ask him to co-write a fic with me. No, seriously, I would.
ReplyDeleteUm, I think this is being updated too quickly.
ReplyDeleteNo, wait, what am I saying. That's impossible.
I love this story too much.
if terska's announcement is what i'm dreading it is... I really hope it isn't. Seriously. That would make me a saaad pan... pony.
ReplyDeleteotherwise, 6/5. Lulzy, right length, excellence.
I'm terrified by what Tersek'a announcement might be. But I'm holding on.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, great story! The only problem is I occasionally notice a slight grammatical error, but never often or big enough to impact the story itself. I love how you've made Lucky Equestria's biggest goofball, but not the annoying kind. And his and Joule's relationship, frankly, is quite hilarious. Great work, mi amigo, great work.
Ok I wasn't going to read this but it keeps popping up really fast and well EQ: Fallout hasn't updated yet, plus the comments say it's good so I shaw give it a shot.
ReplyDeleteThis is by far my favorite fan fic! I also caught the reference to Tesla's earthquake machine in there, good job!
ReplyDeleteoh no, you gave me this horrible pit in my stomach about Terska's announcement :[
ReplyDeletewhen Coconut started freaking out about the news I was "oh no oh no oh no D:"
Heh. The way the story is written, I am not concerned about the announcement at all. And there was another laugh out loud moment in chapter 5, so keep it up ^^
ReplyDeleteI was literally screaming cmon lucky, you got this all through out chapter 5... I love this story so much... I love you my fellow bronies... Continue with this crazy fandom
ReplyDeleteHm... What could this announcement be...
ReplyDeleteOh my god, is Joule a ROBOT?!
Also, I figured out what's up with Lucky, putting it in D&D terms... He used Int as a dump stat, in order to sink massive points into Charisma. And every so often, Lucky makes a Diplomacy check against the universe and wins. So he's always in synch with it, hence in his uncanny luck!
Still a likable oaf though. ^^ Hope to see more of this story in the future. And once this ends, here's hoping for more of Lucky and co's antics.
This is such a creative story! I loved reading what was up so far, and I really look forward to the rest of the story. ^_^ Good work
ReplyDelete@Kyle
ReplyDeleteI think Fallout's SPECIAL system works better.
Strength - 4
Perception - 2
Endurance - 9
Charisma - 10
Intelligence - 2
Agility - 3
Luck - 10
A fan of min-maxing it seems.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteI like your stories. They are simple, not too static nor too dynami and most importantly - fun.
Because really, what else you should do with ponies? Let them slaughter each other or cry in sorrow?
As I said before, you sir/madam know what are you doing. High hoof!
Hello again! Back to answer more comments. Looks like there are some good ones.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
Thank you for pointing that out. I now know that "handsome", and a hansom, are two very different things, and shall act accordingly in the future.
KNOOOOOWLEDGE!
@Pinfari13
You caught the reference! You actually caught the reference! I didn't think anyone would. A brohoof to you. If we were to meet in real life I would buy you a snow cone.
@Kyle
That's right. She's a robot. A gay Robot. Just like Dumbledore.
Also I may just need to play as Lucky next time I get into a D&D campaign. That would be so fun to RP as! I can imagine it now....
"You enter the dark, sinister cave."
"I'M SO HAPPY!" I yell, running around like an idiot.
@KalasTheBrony
Well I love writing for you. You're all so nice!
@Anonymous
Thank you very much. I have some theories about what should and shouldn't be done in stories to make them good, but I've never really been sure about them. Your input is helping me to lock some ideas down though, so I appreciate it.
Ok then. I guess I'll see you *gulp* after the next chapter is released. Hope you like it!
P.S. Do you like it when I answer your comments, or would you rather not have me spoiling the moment? Just curious.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteWe prefer you answering comments, thank you.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteWait... You mentioning the next part is going to be released? Is that gonna be soon? Is it is it is it huh huh huh?! *Hophophop*
Sorry, started channeling Lucky there for a minute...
@Kyle
ReplyDeleteI've been releasing a chapter a day so far, and I don't plan on stopping until it's over. It's coming alright. It's coming....
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteHow many more chapters do you think there'll be, if I may ask?
@KatalusTalrius
ReplyDeleteOne. No fancy mathematics here.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteSounds good.
And no offense to you, but you just sounded a lot like Applejack.
Truly, you are a master of hilarious dialogue.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping we get to see more exploits of these colts. The way these three work together is comedic gold!
ReplyDeleteI felt so sorry for Lucky, but things will get better for that lovable idiot.
Wow, I'm just...wow. I'm speechless.
ReplyDeleteOkay, speech is back. Now, what was good about this? The dialogue? No. The story? No.
Everything? Yes.
GOD yes. The dialogue was humorously touching, the story was simple but fresh, the characters (though a mite cliched) were truly sympathetic and enjoyable, and that ending...God, that goes on my top ten favorite endings to any story I've ever read or seen. Well done, sir, well done.
That... was fantastic.
ReplyDeleteTo start, it was hilarious. Lucky is... such an odd character, the doctor as well. I'm amazed at these characters, as they seem to have turned the four humors on their head and take a different turn from most three-character personality sets, from PPG, Fosters (sort of), and Ed Edd and Eddy, at the same time. Their interactions are funny and genuine!
And then there's Jewel (:D). Their meeting was probably the funniest thing I've ever read. It reminded me of something but I can't put my finger on it. Regardless, their relationship, even with just exposition and the oddly-confused Lucky explaining it left the perfect amount of emotion and confusion that you wanted to really see how it went. And it did go well, though now I feel really bad, just because I wish they could be together... because she's done so well. An intellectual who hated Lucky because he was stupid? I'm not sure... if that is really... It just seems so ridiculously odd!
And that pacing, ohooooh that pacing. It was great, just BARELY (I iterate this because it was the one flaw I think the fic had) enough description to tell me what their surroundings was, while still keeping great dialog and fun interactions. Funny was definitely a word; though most of the humor was the characters making fun of Lucky, the scenarios still drove most of it, and that is what kept it funny ,at least for me.
Bravo, I say.
Quite possibly one of the best fanfictions I've ever read. Nines basically sums it up well.
ReplyDeleteI believe that if the Epilouge wasn't included, that ending may have actually ruined the story for me.
I'm still musing over the ending, but whatever. I'll just agree with everyone that it was well written, hilarious and very entertaining. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteA truly excellent story, all around. You write very good comedy, and the ending was genuinely touching. I really hope that we'll see more from Lucky and his friends in the future!
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed by whole story. Heck, I probably don't even have enough knowledge of english language to describe how awesome it is.
ReplyDeleteBut still - it's awesome. I wouldn't really bother reading another story of these guys. Good job!
im trying to look for the appropriate word for how awesome this story is...Shmooglydong? no, thats not it, but close. the part before the epilogue made me a little sad and then the epilogue brought back the happiness :D 5/5. youve earned it.
ReplyDeleteI waited for this story to be finished before reading it.
ReplyDeleteIt was well worth the wait. An excellent, upbeat, and hilarious story if I've ever read one. There's not much I can say, since it has been covered already by previous comments. But I will say that the first meeting of Joule was by far one of the craziest, funniest scenes I've read in a long time.
Also the ending was absolutely adorable, and the epilogue wrapped everything up very nicely - with a nice bit of humour too.
("It'll be a cold, dark day in Equestria before anypony ever gets close to getting lucky"
I see what you did there, well done.)
Well done. I'm actually quite pleased at the end the story ended. I don't think it would have felt right, with how slapstick the rest of the story had been, if Lucky and Joule had ended up together. And the fact that Lucky was still able to be smiling at the end, and not have that happiness feel forced, is a testament as to how well the tale was written.
ReplyDeleteThe only part of the story I didn't really like was Dr. Whoof. Even for the level of silliness, I felt that at times he came across as a little too harsh or abrasive, and didn't show himself as being a friend to Lucky often enough to warrant the trust that Lucky showed him. Still, it didn't stop me from enjoying the story, and laughing out loud at times too.
I hope to see more from you down the road!
Dr. Whoof reminds me a lot of myself, actually... which isn't really a compliment to either of us :P
ReplyDeleteBah, nevertheless. This deserves 10 out of 5 stars. I hope we see more of Lucky and his friends in the future.
I know I commented once already, but now that the story is finished, I'd like to post a new one if that's okay :3
ReplyDeleteI really loved the entire thing from beginning to end, the plot is well-thought out in my opinion. You did wonderfully.
Also, are you going to be making side stories/ more main story in the future with the same characters, or are you going to leave it here and work on something else entirely? Either way, I'd love to see more of your stories if you are able to get more creative juices flowing ^_^ You're really good, imo. I suck at writing fanfics D:
Great work, again. :D
This was a wonderful story. I don't think I understand the ending, though.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I get that she feels it's more important to stay with her father for now, but... well, not to put too fine a point on it, that's not forever. Why the big "you'll find somebody else" rather than "When you're ready, come find me in Ponyville; I'll be waiting"?
I feel like I'm missing out on a motivation somewhere here.
The story was hilarious and awesome, but the ending left me rather flat.
ReplyDeleteEscher hit my big complaint, and I want to add that the climax -- the backstage discussion -- seemed rushed and poorly elaborated, like you were trying to get through it as fast as possible.
I could understand Joule's position a little better if she felt she was emotionally vulnerable at the moment and didn't want to jump into anything romantic right then.
I'd like to see this character come back at some point in the future. Presumably, given your style, right after Lucky has become involved with somepony else. }:)
I really liked this, but I must say I was both disappointed at the ending, yet, somehow... not.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of a movie I once watched. The entire movie, this boy has been madly in love with this girl, and wants to ask her to this dance, and at the end, she ends up dancing with a guy she likes and he just hooks up with some girl.
Yet, at the same time, it's a beautiful ending that shows the close bond between family that can be broken by nothing, and also shows that not all endings can be happy.
The epilouge made me smile a bit, but, personally that ending kind of ruined it for me.
The writing style was great, though, and the story line moved along nicely. I' have to give it four stars
Pretty nice story all around.
ReplyDeleteBut... Even if I understand the ''remote probability'' for the end to ''Be'', well...
Why can't she work AND be maried ?? It's not like both were mutuality uncompatible or something... (check Reality) There's plenty of that here, and it usually work ?
...errr... I guess it's ''just'' to give the reader some 'artificial-sadness' at this point in the story ? or something ?
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteYay! my first brohoof :D I had remembered seeing something about it on TV a while ago, how it almost destroyed a building.
I finished reading part 6, and I really liked the ending! I feel somewhat bad for Lucky though, it seems like his luck finally ran out on this one. That is, unless he meets someone else even better (the nurse that kept treating him earlier, maybe?), then that would definitely be lucky!
Dear Princess Celestia,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Lucky, and I wanted to personally tell you how grateful I am to you for letting me go for a cruise on the Equinox. I met up with an old friend that I hadn't seen in years, and we had a lot of fun. It broke my heart when the cruise ended and I had to leave her behind, not knowing how long until I would get to see her again, but I'm super happy that we were able to make some new memories together. I hope that someday her and I will meet again and be able to make even more. Thanks again.
Sincerely,
Lucky
Dear Lucky,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed the cruise, but that ending. Really? No stars for you.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
ReplyDeleteWha?! But-aaaaaaaaaw.
Sincerely,
Lucky
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteDear Princess Celestia,
Plz STFU. That ending was bitchin'.
Sincerely,
Katalus Talrius.
So! Things didn't go so well in the end there. Lost my beloved 4.8 stars, kicking my story out of the 5-star division. Depressing, but I shall answer your comments anyway, in no particular order. Here goes.
ReplyDelete@KalasTheBrony
I'm glad to hear you liked it!
As far as future writing goes, I don't really plan ahead. I just wait until I get an idea, then see where it goes most of the time. I do like these three though, so I think I would enjoy using them in another story should the opportunity present itself.
@Anonymous
Thank you.
@KatalusTalrius
Thank you thank you!
@NinesTempest
Thank you thank you thank you!
@Anonymous
You didn't like Dr. Whoof being a jerk? Well, I'm sorry to say that he can't help it. He's one of those people that always needs to make a witty comeback. When it comes down to it though, he would do anything to make sure his friends are OK. He just doesn't like to show it.
@Escher,@Anonymous,@Derpy,@Nova25, and others who may be wondering the same thing.
Hmmm hmmm hmmm. Why can't she marry him and live happily ever after? I suppose I should explain my reasoning, seeing as how it seems to be a rather confusing matter.
First things first. Joule lives far away. She can't live with her father in her home town and with Lucky in Ponyville at the same time, and for either of them to move and leave their whole lives behind would be an unfair sacrifice.
Second of all, she's not just working. You may have read that she was devoting her entire life from that point on to science. It's a lot to do, and she wouldn't be able to devote her entire life to both a family and science, hence conflict. You may argue that yes she COULD do both at the same time, but if that's the case then why are you telling me? That's your opinion, and I cannot change your opinion no matter how much I write.
Thirdly, the point. The whole moral of the story was this: Sometimes, when life doesn't work out like you planned, or like you wanted it to, then you need to move on. Joule urged Lucky to find someone else because he shouldn't halt his life in order to wait for something that didn't work out to come back around. Lucky urged Joule to take over her dad’s company because he knew that was what she was meant to do, and attempting to convince her otherwise in order to make himself happy would have been cruel.
What happens after the story ends is really up to you to decide, but to say it was a bad ending because they couldn't find a way to get married? That's missing the point entirely. I wasn't surprised by the fact that they weren't getting married while writing the end of the story. I knew what was happening all along. There was a reason behind it. I wasn't trying to squeeze a few extra tears out of the readers by making the ending like I did. I was trying to make it a good story by showing that the characters were strong, and were able to rise above their circumstances to do what they needed to do. I can’t write to make everyone happy, but I CAN write to make everyone think, so I ask that instead of complaining about why things didn’t turn out the way you thought they should, instead try to argue why things turned out the way they did. I think stories should teach the readers something, and as a writer I won’t compromise that ideal for anything.
Thanks everyone for reading my story. I do hope the majority found it enjoyable. I’ll probably answer more comments tomorrow if you’re still asking questions. Until then, stay classy.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteQuick question that occurred to me: why did Terska bother confiding in Coconut, again? I understand that it was necessary to add suspense before the finale, but it seemed a little...odd. I could just be forgetting something, of course, so feel free to enlighten me.
ReplyDeletei just cant find the words to express how much of an amazing job you did making the reader feel from this story, it really felt inspirational in some parts @.@ and made us all want snowcones lol. i agree with you completely chicken it's more important to make the reader feel the story outside of just telling a tale
ReplyDeleteThis story is amazing
ReplyDelete@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteI didn't exactly object to the ending -- I could easily make the point that they were both running on nostalgia and residual puppy love. They just didn't really talk it out or anything. Lucky seemed to give up before they even started.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteSeriously, now... Care to remove those 2 absolutely IDENTICAL SPAM message ? Really not necessary, and overly dramatic.
@KatalusTalrius
ReplyDeleteThe reason Mr. Terska told Coconut what was going to happen was because Joule had told him about their plan. She persuaded him to trust Coconut with the information because she did actually want to help Lucky and his friends, and Mr. Terska agreed because he's a cool guy that doesn't afraid of anything.
@LordOfTheWrongs
Puppy love? Didn't talk enough? That's... actually a legitimate point. I suppose that Lucky might have been rushing in to things a bit fast, and maybe more conversing would have helped to better explain what they were thinking and feeling. I'll make a note of this for next time. Thanks LOTW.
@Nova25
Oh Nova25... That was actually a blog glitch, but as always I appreciate hearing your opinion on things.
Hmmm... I have a question for all of you.
ReplyDeleteDo you think I'm over-writing or under-writing my stories? I've always hated when books or T.V. shows never give you a real ending, so I try to finalize things as much as possible. Perhaps I should put more thought into this matter however. Any opinions readers?
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteGrab a seat and have a drink. This is a bit of an essay.
You can probably guess from my previous comments, but I'd say under-written. Like I said before, you're great at dialogue. Your "stage direction" (if you will) could use some work though.
What I mean is, reading your stories kind of feels like watching TV with half an eye. You get all the dialogue and a general idea of what's going on visually, but no detail. It boils down to "show, don't tell", but I want to go into more detail on what exactly to show.
For example, take the bit in Part 2 where Joule flips the table under Lucky. If this were a movie, the sequence would probably take 5 or 10 seconds because we'd have time to register him sliding off the table, crashing into the ground, the book sliding down the table toward his face, his reaction shot, and then impact and Joule picking up the book. You glossed over that all in three pretty brief sentences. I know what happened, but I didn't really get to see it happen.
This is especially important with emotional scenes. "He was just happy to be there for her" is a dead sentence. It isn't mentally engaging. If I were standing in the room, though, what would it look like for Lucky to experience that? How does he express it, and what is it like for him to experience it? Is he conflicted and hiding anything? How successfully?
Furthermore, hesitations and pauses to think (including verbal ones like "um" and "well") make dialogue flow more naturally, as if the characters aren't reading a script that tells them what to say ahead of time. When Joule asks him "Why can’t everything just be perfect?", how long does it take him to formulate a good answer? Does he have it on the tip of his tongue already? If so, why? Did someone else say the same thing to him earlier in the story? If so, nice foreshadowing!
P.S. Fridge Logic... you'd think wedding rings would be a rather unicorn-specific tradition.
P.P.S. Gawd, I hate my brain sometimes. So now I'm going to inflict the mental image on you: a unicorn with a Prince Albert. >_<;
@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteI will agree about the ring - I forgot to post about it myself.
Anyway, I don't think that he is under-writing. You know, pointing out all details slows down the story and leave little for imagination. I belive, that "Getting Lucky" wouldn't be as fun to read, if not dynamic as it is. This might not be a Die Hard movie, but I know that high tempo is important here.
Following your first example when Joule flipped the table under Lucky. I saw some scenes like this, which were terrible to read, because the author wanted to point every "spectacular" detail. It was like watching a wildlife documentary.
Following second example - he could formulate answers so fast because he is lucky. Magic, I say magic! But seriously, you can see that he mentioned "bad luck". He - probably the most lucky pony in Equestria. I found it as indication, that he was pondering about his life before.
I got no bloody idea if I said what I wanted through last sentence, but you should get the drill. That basicly goes up to all my post.
Great story, very well written! I especially liked the ending, very poignant.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see things worked out better for Nokota then for our Tesla!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't stop laughing all the way!!
ReplyDelete"You don't need brains to be nice"
-Of Mice and Men
Just finished! What a great story! It had me laughing the whole way through! I really liked how the story was much like a romantic comedy film but was not super cliche and boring to read. Your comedic elements were well placed and again they were actually funny. I could tell that you put a lot of thought into what to write and that you wanted to make sure that the jokes were funny to everyone not just yourself. The ending was very well done and you did great in causing the emotional reaction that you were going for. It was sad but you also made it hopeful. Honestly the morals you pushed with the value of marriage and showing that "what you want is not always what's best" were very well done. It even started to get me a little misty eyed at the end there. The only real problem I had was the times when they picked things up had me thinking "how are they doing that with their hooves?" That is more of a nitpicky thing but still thought it might be helpful. Overall you wrote a great story and I really hope you continue to write. Thanks for the great story!
ReplyDeleteWhenever i read Lucky's lines i always think of him as having Goku's voice. They're both just so *ahem* happy-go-lucky and easily injured.
ReplyDelete@640x480
ReplyDeleteWell, that's a bit of a strawman argument, don't you think? I didn't say he should go write War and Peace...
@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteNow now, I wouldn't say that. You two both actually have good points. I do realize that I don't describe scenery much, but if I were to add too much detail (which is very possible that I would do while trying to fix the problem) then it would mess up the flow of the story, and that's no fun either.
What I need to find is a balance between the two. A way to describe things that adds a splash of detail that's just enough for one's imagination to form the rest of the picture. I'm guessing that in more important parts you would want to add more detail, like focusing a camera lens, so that people get a clearer picture, but sometimes less detail and more abstract feeling might be better too.
I appreciate both of you answering my question, and your comments give me a good perspective on the matter from different views, so thanks very much.
Also thanks Wolf-man and Yuri and anonymous and anonymous for your compliments. Makes me feel good :)
P.S. Seeing as how Joule IS a unicorn, I assumed a ring made sense. Even then, she could always wear it on a chain around her neck or something I would think.
I'm just saying that the ring is kind of a human thing, and the tradition likely wouldn't even have started among ponies.
ReplyDeleteDon't ask me about the scissors.
In fact, the three canonically married couples we know of (the Cakes, Pinkie's parents, and Twi's parents) don't appear to wear any specific accessories or hair styles that indicate they're married. I need to go overthink this now.
ReplyDelete@LordOfTheWrongs You make a good point about the ring being a mostly human thing... I mean, in "The Ticket Master", Dream!Blueblood did offer Rarity a ring, but it was just Rarity's fantasy...
ReplyDelete@Kyle
ReplyDeleteAnd that's why I don't complain very loudly. They were both unicorns anyway, and more importantly, it's a visual shorthand for the benefit of the viewers.
I also have to wonder... Hey Vortex, if you happen to read this, are you planning on giving us more stories involving the antics of Lucky & Co?
ReplyDelete@Kyle
ReplyDeleteY'know, I was planning another one, but 10,000 words into it, it still wasn't feeling right. I'm trying to figure out what to do now. It's plausible that I'll write another story with the team eventually, just not as soon as I was thinking.
@Chicken Vortex Hey, take your time.
ReplyDelete@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteI still hope you do. I never enjoyed any fanfic as much as the two about Lucky & co. Big compliment and thanks for these awesome stories!
@Shiko
ReplyDeleteI shall do my best.
rainbowsalute.jpg
HOLY SON OF A SAINT! I read like the first two pages and got hooked. To quote a very wise man this is: "More addictive than chocolate covered heroine!"
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful. I red it in July and it's the fic that got me into fics and the reason I have no bias against background and OC ponies. I can't thank you enough for this incredibly funny and sweet story.
ReplyDeleteYo bronies, I heard you like ships, so I put a ship on a ship so you can ship while on a ship.
ReplyDelete@tinwhistle
ReplyDelete@The Writer of Fate
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The Cycle is complete.
Ohmygod.
ReplyDeleteTHAT ENDING.
THE FUCK?
My god.
Of all the things that could happen.
That's the cruelest and cutest thing at the same time...
I love you, Chicken Vortex. You have created a perfectly amazing story.