Author: Kegisak
Description: Ziggy Stardust was never good at talking. A bouncer didn’t have to be. He wasn’t expecting that to change when he moved to ponyville. He wasn’t expecting the DJ either. Sometimes it just takes somepony else to get you started – all you need is a little feedback.Feedback Part 1
Additional Tags: Ziggy Stardust, Scratch
[Shipping] Story 2!
Author: Kegisak
Description: The night can be an amazing thing. It can reveal mysteries and house the most beautiful music, and the night that Scratch and Ziggy shared on the hill was no exception. A single night can do amazing things for two ponies, even if they don't realize it.Sing the Night's Song
Additional Tags: Club, Music, Poetry, OC Ponies, Sequel to Feedback
137 comments:
Crappy day at work.
ReplyDeleteGet home, Open EqD first thing.
Vinyl Scratch story at the top of the page.
Also it's shipping.
Everythingwentbetterthenexpected.jpg
~Scratch
My first shipping story was a Scratch and RD one... Brings back memories, bro.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletewhere were the spiders?
ReplyDeletesomething that irked me:
ReplyDeleteSpacing between the characters lines. Typically you put a double space, which is what should have been done here. It was kinda hard to distinguish who was speaking.
Also: For the love of God, change the font.
Fffff oh my god this story.
ReplyDeleteThis fucking story.
This is the first shipping story I've bothered to read in full (other than Everypony Loves Rainbow Dash, but that's not over yet). I fell in love with it. I cannot express how much I liked this story.
I...I think you just gave me an...an...
An OTP.
Moar! I want moar!!!
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome. Seriously, these two are great together. Vinyl's blindness threw me for a loop at first, but it actually makes sense.
ReplyDeleteWhile it's not perfect (seriously, title dropping _that_ many times?), I really really like this conceit. Scratch living for feedback is a ... ridiculously clever idea, and it's well presented.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing that bugged me was that Ziggy seemed a bit undercharacterised. But, well, I don't know who he is. Have we seen him in the show before?
@Vopogon
ReplyDeleteFunny thing about the formatting, is that the double-spacing actually bugs me. I learned to write novel style, where everything is just on the next line. As for the font...is it hard to read, or something? I could change it, but it looks fine to me, so...
At Anon:
ReplyDeleteYes, he's the bouncer for a club in one of the episodes.
@kegisak
ReplyDeleteFont seems fine to me, but what do I know, I'm a robot, beep bop.
And the font makes my eyes bleed and scream out for death.
ReplyDeleteOk, so not quite that bad. But one of the other fonts would be preferable.
Ziggy Stardust...
ReplyDeleteDid I miss another David Bowie reference getting snuck into MLP proper, or is just this some kind of fan nickname or OC pony thing going on?
Any chance we'll see more? I loved it, and already want a sequel, hehehe
ReplyDeleteD'aw.
ReplyDeleteI am quite surprised the comments aren't more positive. Today has been extremely good for fanfics. This one was no exception. I honestly can not find a single flaw (well, I think you wrote a "knew"as "new" somewhere, though that may have been another fic). Anyway, the angle you went for you executed superbly. This is one of the most adorable stories I have read on ED so far. Everything about it just really works. The ending was perfect. I'm not sure what else to say, really.
ReplyDeleteI liked. Hell, if this could be expanded on, I wouldn't want to see it happen tomorrow, I wouldn't mind in the slightest.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with the font. What is everypony talking about?
ReplyDeleteAnyway I'm still standing by wanting moar. Vinyl's blindness really made a good hook that made me get invested. Moar.
@kegisak
ReplyDeleteThe style you're talking about -- text on every line, paragraphs indented -- was created by typesetters to minimize their page count. Out here in internet land, where vertical space is free, the arbiters of writing style prefer a blank line after each paragraph and no indention.
Surprisingly good, actually. I'll admit that the twist of Scratch being blind was something I never would've thought of myself, and it really gives this story an touch of uniqueness to it. Ziggy seemed a bit underwritten at times, but Scratch more than made up for it. I'd give four-and-a-half stars if I could, but I can't, so I'll just round up to five.
ReplyDeleteI like it. Nice shipping story. Though Ziggy seems a bit lacking in focus in his life considering ponies have a pretty blatent "this is what you should do with your life to be fulfilled" thing tattooed on their butts.
ReplyDeleteI highly recommend reading this while listening to Justice - "Waters of Nazareth" turned all the way up.
ReplyDeletejust decided to read more fics. i realy liked it
ReplyDeleteThis was great. Thanks for writing this. I absolutely love any fic that involves ponies at bars/clubs, for some reason.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more from you.
@LordOfTheWrongs This has always bugged me. How do you show a scene change with that style?
ReplyDelete@Tiroth
ReplyDeletePersonally, in my own stories I use a trio of asterisks, centered and separated by tabs.
* * *
It's worked pretty well so far...
You did an excellent job describing Vinyl's thought processes and why she loves music.
ReplyDeleteThough loud techno/dance music, which seems to be her favorite genre, can't be good for her ears...
Really good fanfic. It got me kind of interested in DJ-P0N3 and Ziggy.
ReplyDeleteTake my stars, all of them.
ReplyDeleteVery good story. Chars well fleshed out, could be a bit longer, but pacing was amazing. 5 stars, easy. I look forward to future works!
ReplyDeleteIt's about time people started giving Scratch more of a character. For each of the songs you described I acctually had one on my youtube close to it. Close enought to jam to while reading at least. I'll give you a list if you'd like. Great job. :) Thoroughly enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Sure it's sappy, but in a really good way. Like a REALLY good way.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help but smile at it all.
Well Done
Ah, Geez, I always wanna reply to every comment I get...I guess I'll just give a holistic comment here.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad to see that you all liked it - and it looks like you REALLY liked it, I wasn't expecting to brush up against a five star, that's for sure. I just wanted you all to know that I'm taking your criticisms to heart. Especially about Ziggy being under characterized, and the good couple of anonpony comments about the title dropping, and Ziggy's lack of focus in life - They're all things I'm going to work hard on fixing for the sequel, and the last one might actually be the main plot.
Yes, you all read that right, there is going to be a sequel. It's been demanded so much on ponychan that I don't see how I couldn't, and I promise I'll try my hardest to make it feel like a continuation, and not tacked on. But anyways, you guys are all great, you really know how to make a Brony feel awesome. I'm happy to see I've made you all a little bit happier.
Also, to the anonpony a couple of comments up, I'd be interested in seeing that list of songs.
This is really good. I love Scratch, and I love the ideas people come up for her eyes, this one taking quite an interesting turn.
ReplyDeleteAnd as weird as it sounds, the way you've written her has given me the idea that her voice would probably sound just like Gilda's.
I have only one complaint about this story: he spelled P0N-3 wrong!
ReplyDeleteThis is so good, I cried in Work. Good thing I am the boss here, so no one could say anything about my manly tears. ^_^
ReplyDeleteI LOVED what you Did with Scratch, she is Adorable, sweet, cool and a tiny itty bitty tragic character. I could fell for her that way, I am quite sure of it. Also - Ziggy - nice flesh out for a character, that have like 5 seconds in the series.
Their relation is greatly described, because it is never rushed, it looks and feels natural and It ROARS for next chapters, chapters in which we could follow how this relation, well, blossom.
I Love it. 2x5 Stars!
I am at the lack of words...
ReplyDeleteI will just say that this is awesome.
Blind Scratch ! Awesome idea !
ReplyDeletei loved that story, it was a great read. And I am pretty happy to see there will be more of it !!!
This is the anonpony with the list of songs. They don't match the descriptions exactly but hey, it's close enough for the mood :) Also I think a good way to not make it feel tacked on is pick it up right at the next morning. I'm curious about how Ziggy would act in an awkward situation like that.
ReplyDeleteTHE FIRST: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZA91uQO9VU
THE SECOND: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hLrsmipwmA
THE THIRD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxgao2rYZw
The third one you titled Hobo Painter. I feel it matches... Minus the intro that is. Hope you enjoy the music :). I have more where that comes from if anypony wants it.
Very well done!
ReplyDeleteThis was an excellent read, but is this really considered shipping? I'm not a fan, but if works like these get stamped with [Shipping], I can't help but feel I'm missing something by overlooking most of them....... probably not. Five stars regardless.
ReplyDeleteLink to your Ponychan thread?
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this. Somepony understands pacing in shipping.
Your interpretation of Scratch is now my head-canon. You've made a genuinely interesting character. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteThis. This story just...
ReplyDeleteMore. I want more, dammit!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/9359.html There you are(I can't imagine why you'd want it, but to each their own and all that)
I'm not sure I'd call it understanding pacing - unless you just mean that them outright getting together after a couple of days would be silly.
@kegisak
ReplyDeletePonychan often moves faster than ED. Some of the folks I follow have early updates in their threads. *shrugs* Oh well. If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
You'd be surprised - or not - at how often pacing isn't even considered. It's just nice to read believable character development.
@Baree
ReplyDeleteCane is also misspelled as "can".
Sequel? Yes. Rock on you awesome pony you!
ReplyDeleteI read this yesterday and loved it.
ReplyDeleteLast night, the events of this played out perfectly in my dream, and I was Ziggy.
Thanks to this, I woke up madly in love with Scratch.
Oh god, don't let Rainbow Dash hear me say that...
... I need professional help :(
I loved this. This is now how Scratch is portrayed in my head, and I have seen some great fics involving Scratch. I love this story so very much and will be waiting with baited breath for the sequel.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing that came to mind with your description of Scratch's opening song was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9vn6I17yWw&feature=related.
ReplyDeleteI think blind Scratch should be fanon canon, like how Applejack's hat is from her father, or how the term for lesbian is "fillyfooler".
ReplyDeleteIt just makes such a nice touch to the character. I also really liked Ziggy. Maybe we can get some more of him too.
Anyways, really nice story. Loved reading it.
omg! i love Vinyl Scratch so much! will you make more chapters? pleaseeeeeeee :D
ReplyDelete@Anaonpony two comments up. I think this is much more apropriate. It suits the energy she showed before hand better. But that's just me.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDndZn0YPdI
Such a nice little story that I saved it
ReplyDelete@kegisak
ReplyDeleteJust curious, is that sequel still in the works? ^^
@Baree
ReplyDeleteyeup! Well, sorta. I'll probably be able to start on it this weekend, or next week. Expect it within two or three weeks, at least.
You know who immediately came to mind when I read about blind scratch?
ReplyDeletePeter's girlfriend from foxtrot. I can never remember her name.
It's a realy lovely piece! The idea of blind Scratch makes her character so much more complicated and interesting that, as said above, it must totally become fan canon, at the very least. The story of her going blind, how she thoght "the world was ending", has deep emotional impact and her account of it and her reactions are very well written.
ReplyDeleteThe way you deliver the beginning of their relationship is very well done as well, progressing from the situational walk in the city, through dialogue and musical allusions towards the birth of something of a tender, although a little bantering, friendhip.
Though sometimes it felt that their emotions shift a little too fast, it is not breaking the suspension of disbelief, but somehow builds up the tension of the piece, as the reader is bound to feel nervous about the possible rash words/decisions any of the two can make.
The ending of this chapter is also absolutely beautiful, in my opinion. It brings the emotions expressed throughout the piece to a peaceful, although open conclusions, and Scratch's "you have just described the scenery for me" line almost brought tears to my eyes. Very well written scene, and with deep emotional impact! Also lovely how you ease out of the peak emotional moment with Ziggy's clumsy, although adorable, poetry :)
The only think that brushed me wrong in the whole stroy is, I guess, is the excessively flirty mare in the club. I fully understand why did you include that bit, but it's a little too obviously a contrasting to the Scratch's character, as I see it. You've done great job in making Scratch's character deep and meaningful, so you haven't had to make Sweet _this_ shallow. Actally, making her more complex and a type readers could more readily identify with, you could have added a level of emotional turmoil in Ziggy's thoughts, as an opportunity to define him more.
Anyways! Very nice writing and I hope to see the next part, although don't feel pressed by overwhelming positive comments and don't rush it, I suggest :)
P.S. Is there a way to contact you personally (e-mail or PM's on some site, as I can't seem to find any personal messaging system on EQDaily)? I'd love to ask your permission to use your idea of blind Scratch in writing for her on an RP Board - of course, in a completely different story setting - while crediting you as the original author of the idea! *^_^* The board I am talking of is here - http://mlpfim.proboards.com/index.cgi if you want to see what it is about. Or maybe you yourself would want to join there and write for her or Ziggy?
@QuillShy
ReplyDeleteEeeeeehehehe! Long comments, my favourite!
*Ahem*, But yes, Thank you for the wonderful Comment. Sweet Stuff(The mare from the club)was a bit shallow, yeah, but it was mostly because she had a very brief appearance. But it's a valid point, I don't mean to make excuses fro myself. Thanks a lot, especiallythe encouraging words at the end - To be honest, I was petrified of writing the sequel for the longest time, because I didn't want to let the fans of the first one down.
As for getting in touch with me, I go by the same name on both DeviantArt and Gaia, which I check regularly, and I don't have one yet, But I may set up a separate email account for my writings.
BUT I have no issues with you playing a Blind Scratch, no. (Forgot to post this with the last comment, bluh.) I may join in somewhere down the line, but I have a pretty full plate right now. But thatnks for pointing it out, at least.
ReplyDeleteHehehh, glad you liked the comment *^^* I'm about to post something of mine as well soon, so I guess when it comes to commentary I'm giving what I'd love to receive when I do :P Well, that and good writing inspires me for long commentary :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the sequel, I'd say write it regarding the piece NOT as the sequel, but as an independent work with its intrinsic value, only related to the first one. And just as the first one doesn't really _demand_ a sequel to be enjoyable, the second one may even not require the first one to be read for the reader to enjoy it :)
I'll contact you on DA if you don't mind, when I'll get myself a new account with this pen name! Thank you very much for letting me borrow your idea for the RP, and hope to see you there as well sometime! It's new and not very fast-moving or having tons of previous content as of now, but of course I know how it is when there are much things to handle at once, so surely absolutely no pressure here :)
Aw, man.. True story.. I was in the shower pondering stories behind Scratch's eyes, and the goggles, and I think up; what if she's blind? Yeah, that would be a really neat twist!
ReplyDeleteSo I get onto the computer to think about it, meanwhile I'm looking through some fics for inspiration; browsing the later pages of the Star-6 category, lo and behold, someone's done it, and better.
Ohhhhh my life.
Okay, that out of the way, this is one of the sweetest things I've ever read. It's hard to do more than echo the praise from previous comments, but I'll at least try.
Firstly; Vinyl's personality is extremely well played, especially how she handles the disability with her job - and the way she was describing sound and music, as well as the world at large, had me ecstatic and floaty-feeling. You pretty much have what I had in mind, fleshed out and played perfectly. I was flat out crying [in the good way] at the end segment - and I agree with what others have said, this deserves a sequel, very much so, and I truly hope you get around to it.
Ziggy is a cute character in his own right, as well, although he was a little blank more than a couple times - it's also understandable considering what you were going for with him. His poetry had me giggling, and you can really feel what a proper match can do for opening one up - the title is absolutely perfect for this fic.
Sweet Stuff.. well, understandably a filler character, she was a tad too much to the shallow, stereotyped side. That would be my only other critique, is adding more depth to even backup characters can really take a fic to soaring heights. It doesn't detract from this one, mind, but it's something that comes to mind.
Overall, pretty much perfect. I adore Scratch - and even moreso now with this quirk and personality really developing around her, so much so that I'm really hoping it becomes canon similar to Derpy the mail carrier. (Albeit, with her as a confirmed ascended extra in season two and the scripts already done, I suppose it's unlikely - but that's why we have fics.)
Finally, I wanted to ask... would it bother you if I wrote a fic featuring blind Scratch myself? I'm worried now.. I don't want to try to steal your thunder or anything, nor have charges of plagiarism going around, but it's such dimension to her character. Not to mention, her personality is pretty much the finished version of what I started to have in mind, I just wanted to have the okay by you, at very least if I was to post any here.
Thanks~ And keep writing~
@Bluberry
ReplyDeleteha, that's pretty much the exact same thought process I went through before deciding on her blindness.
I don't mind you writing her blind at all - this is fanfiction, it's not as if I can really lay claim to anything here anyways, and to be honest I'm honored that people like the idea enough to want to make it a part of their personal cannon. I honestly thought that people wouldn't like the idea, at first.
First Vinyl Scratch story I've ever read; her characterization hit me like a ton of bricks! From that first line of dialogue, she was awesome, and then she kept getting cooler. I like Ziggy too, if only because you didn't try to overdo the reference in his name and turn him into a Bowie clone. His personality is really natural.
ReplyDeleteI d'awwed at the end. They've got great chemistry. This needs a sequel!
At first I d'aaaaawwwwwed. But then I d'aaaaawwwwwed some more.
ReplyDeleteWow! I was not expecting Vinyl Scratch to be blind! Not in a million years!
ReplyDeleteThese are times when I wish there were a whole lot more fics with Scratch than there currently are.
Right now, there's only three others with her that come to mind:
- "Thunder and Lightning"
- "The Vinyl Scratch tapes"
- "Filling in the Missing Beats"
I want more fics with my favorite non-mane cast pony in them NOW!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWell, give it a week or two and you'll have a sequel, at least!
@kegisak
ReplyDeleteI was checking this space to see if there was any news about the possible sequel. So yeah... good to know its still in the works ^^
I wonder if the average guy who calls the character Ziggy even knows who the hell David Bowie is other than "he sang a song called Diamond Dogs. o dood skrillex haz a nu song out!"
ReplyDeleteZiggy needs to recruit CMC and start a band called Ziggy and the Ponies from Mars and release and album called The Pony Who Sold Equesria or something like that
ReplyDelete@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
ReplyDeleteI don't think you give people enough credit. I might be an 18 year-old guy who listens predominantly to electronic music, but I certainly know who David Bowie is :P
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony oh yeah, wasn't he the vampire dude in labyrinth?
ReplyDeleteotherwise, yeah, i had very little interest in scratch before i read these two pieces, but your scratch has given me a lot to think about. absolutely superb, man, both fics! hopefully this isn't the end!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt's funny cause everybody has poor musical taste.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Bronymuch as this is an opinion, i am inclined to agree.
ReplyDeletealso, i'm glad you didn't take me seriously. i was worried your response would be ferocious!
I liek this shit =D
ReplyDeletekeep it up!
(Hopes for more)
Hears the name Velvet in the story. Thinks to Velvet Remedy from Fallout: Equestria
ReplyDeleteD'awwwww. Well done. I like ships that aren't too... um, heavy. And this was well written. I particularly liked the way Scratch was done, except dang it, now I want to write something with a blind Scratch! Curse you! I don't think I'll ever be able to see her any other way. ;)
ReplyDeleteHmm. Okay, so maybe not everypony has to be a lesbian after all. Still not my favorite ship for Scratch, but this stands out and is more than deserving of its six stars.
ReplyDelete"Didn’t I say you seemed like a cool filly to hang out with?"
ReplyDeleteUmmm…why is Ziggy suddenly female?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteuuuh...a few things must have slipped past me while I was editing. Thanks for pointing that out, though, I'll fix it up as soon as I can.
I love the way this is written. I like your twist on Vinyl Scratch, with her being blind. It gives an interesting twist to the tale and also helps keep readers interested, as it stops DJ PON3 being a flawless Mary-Sue style character. Ziggy, to me, is highly relatable. I often have difficulty saying exactly what I mean without needing to pause for thought. The restaurant scene is also one I've experienced, minus the race, though it was only me with food on my face. A few minor spelling mistakes were all I could find from the literal side of things, 'fro' instead of 'for' and such. In my books, I'd say 8 out of 10. It's a joy to read. It progresses a little too fast, but as it's an internet story and not a novel on my desk, that suits it.
ReplyDeleteGood Job Kegisak!
Blind Scratch is best Scratch. I really like your stories.
ReplyDeleteI really loved the first part of this and the second part certainly didn't dissapoint!
ReplyDeleteThat's a really awesome story and a great read.
Now if I read any scratch stories I keep comparing them to this one.
Awwww...I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWell played Kegisak! These really are impressively well done. I can easily imagine you writing many more stories about these two, and I can just as easily imagine myself (and many others) enjoying reading them. They always leave me wanting to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteHere's to any more epic tales you may produce. Stay inspired my friend. I'm hungry for fries now. Keep up the good work, and remember,stay classy.
Just a tip to Ziggy: in that poem Scratch found, you should change the last line of the first stanza. You set up a rhythm with the simple rhyme scheme and the consistent trochaic tetrameter of the first three lines, and then when you break that rhythm it sounds wrong. You could use that for effect, probably in a modernist sort of poem, but I don't see anything about the subject matter that would justify a deliberate wrong note, as it were. Your decision to switch to trimeter and an ABAB rhyme scheme in the next stanza is interesting, but there's not enough context for me to have an opinion on it. May I suggest, though, switching the meter and rhyme scheme back and forth as you switch between nature and the club, as a way of contrasting them? That could be nice.
ReplyDeleteZiggy Stardust...
ReplyDeleteI see what you did there
As I said on ponychan, this is GOOD! So good in fact that I stayed up reading it and almost missed class. =P
ReplyDeletethe end of part 2 is so heart warming :3
ReplyDeleteI also love the cast you got going on.it would be such a delight to see scratch and ziggy again.the reason i love these two is because most shipping storys are lesbian ones,which has started to get old.
the only criticism i have about this story are the typo's...quite a few :/
this does not affect the storys mood though :)
5 stars! good job! :D
I loled at the Spiders From Mars album, nice reference if you consider Ziggy's name as well. :D
ReplyDeleteThese were two beautifully written stories. I do hope you continue it, it was wonderfully done and definately deserved the 6-star treatment.
Hey hey, a pseudo-sequel. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great, man. Don't think your Author's Note is arrogant, you have every right to be thankful of us for giving your support, as we should be thankful of you writing something worth reading.
I'm not sure if I already commented on this as anonymous before when the first story was put up, but if I did, well this is worth posting again.
ReplyDeleteI love what you did with Scratch here. Ziggy was definitely under-characterized in the first story, so I'm really glad you addressed that in the second story. Great job, and I'm looking forward to another story in this arc if you decide to make one.
It be awesome you continued the story, btw its was story to read:-)
ReplyDeleteSequel to Feedback (AKA first story I fav'd)?!
ReplyDelete*INHALE* ~yay~
I'm very happy to see this continued. I have to say this is my favorite fanon Scratch...well, this or "Vinyl Scratch Tapes" Scratch. Tough call. Point is: fabulous work, and please keep it up!
Wow I really like how you're developing the characters. The seemingly random events end up playing bigger roles than you'd expect, just like reality :). Keep it up. Please.
ReplyDeleteYour grammar need some work. Beside that - awesome!
ReplyDeleteI always thought that Feedback was cool story. I was happy that it concluded stuff nicely, yet sad that it hadn't and probably won't have a sequel. And here it is!
Man, just, woah!
...
ReplyDeleteMore?
Please?
I loved this.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few spelling/grammar mistakes. Not that anyone cares. Because the fan-fiction you wrote kicks ass.
I love this. Please write more of it.
@Stephen Cawking
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can see where you're coming from there.
Sweet Stuff was meant to be a sort of dark Pinkie Pie. She find Ziggy cute, but her motivation isn't directed at a relationship specifically. She just thinks he's depressed, and wants him to cheer up. It was ham-handed, but I really did spell out the bulk of her motivation...
As for Ziggy, it's not that he doesn't catch the stuff - he's observant enough to see it, he just doesn't undesrstand ponies enough to realize what it means.
Still, valid complaints. If anything it's my failure that they didn't come across better. And I'm glad that you enjoyed the fic in general.
*reads both in one sitting*
ReplyDelete@zaptiftun, I second that! More?
Ok. So... How hard was it to write this? How often did you worry about not being able to reach the quality of Feedback this time around? You took a long time writing this, I can imagine part of the reason for that was that you were worried it just wouldn't be as well received as the first part.
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to decide for myself if you succeeded. Either you did, or you got really, really, really close. I honestly can't decide yet. In fact, if you "just" got really, really, really close, the difference would be so minimal, its hardly worth mentioning.
I loved it. I was so glad to hear at the end that you had fallen in love with these characters and that there might be more in the future. I certainly hope so. The beginning was a bit slow maybe. I am not sure I picked up anything from Feedback that would suggest Ziggy was drunk at the end of that, so him being fuzzy and not remembering anything from that night was a bit odd to read. At first, I was a bit surprised at Ziggy's reaction to Sweet Stuff. "He can't honestly be that dense", I was thinking at one point. Then it turn out he probably wasn't, not in that way anyway. He's still dense enough not to realize how things might look to Scratch though. Which just makes him more adorable.
As for Sweet Stuff... In Feedback, she did appear a bit shallow. Just somepony who took a shine to Ziggy and decided to flirt with him. Thinking back, I'm not even sure shallow is the right word. Its more like... She was just a character thrown in to add an extra scene to the story, or so it seemed. In a way I liked her, but I was also kind of annoyed with her for coming between Ziggy and Scratch.
Now though... Even before her little speech about how she likes to make ponies happy she was already growing on me. Mostly the scene with the crickets I reckon. Even if she didn't quite see things like Ziggy did, she was trying. After the "I make ponies happy" speech I was sold. For one, she really doesn't seem shallow anymore. I quite disagree with Scratch there. But I loved that little back and forth Ziggy and Scratch had talking about her. You know how sometimes when you read something, one line just really stands out? Yeah... "“So when you're little, shallow things seem deep,” Scratch giggled."
I just love that line. I can't even begin to say how much. Its just so... perfect. That whole conversation is great, but that line... Its true of course. Its 100% true. The metaphor is just beautiful. And in light of the conversation they are having, its also funny. Adorable. When I read that line, I had one of the biggest smiles I ever had on my face. I thought, "He's done it. This is Feedback all over again."
So anyway, yeah. I like Sweet Stuff now. A lot. It didn't seem like she was really flirting now, she seemed honest in her explanation. Judging from one your your comments, I am just not thinking that, you are as well. So then we go to Ziggy meeting Vinyl's mother. Nothing to special there, could perhaps do with just a tad of fleshing out. Not really necessary, but as it is Velvet isn't really interrogating Ziggy. Just a couple of questions that may give her some information, but over all are relatively harmless. It might just as well be just making conversation. Of course that doesn't mean Scratch can't feel like her mother is interrogating. Young adults do that after all, worrying about things like that.
ReplyDeleteThe dinner was fun. The race was both cute and funny, and it really seemed like the Scratch you have created. Gravy was again worthy of a laugh. Comics, ok. Music, Scratch ruining Dream Valley for Ziggy, better. I don't know if Dream Valley is a real band, but that scene just works. (Btw, you have the line "they're bassist succccks" there, "they're" should of course be "their"). Then she finds the crumpled up note. Ziggy's attempts at poetry throughout so far were fun, and the fact that he doesn't remember but still does it works nicely for the story as well. So yeah, when Scratch finds it I can't help but go "YES!". Without ever really giving us much, of course you realize at least some of the feelings Scratch has when she sees it and hears Ziggy's explanation. Another good scene.
Fast forward to Scratch's place, (where you have "“you mean, since we left my place?”", and "you" needs a capital letter), she plays her song, Ziggy remembers. Again, bit odd he got so drunk he forgot in the first place, but whatever. Seeing how well it helps the story, I don't care. Also, bit cliché and you could see it coming a mile away. Again, don't care. Its still a cute scene. (Also, “Not really, no...” He asked. “why?” Scratch shook her head." That "why" kinda needs a capital letter too). The scene with the glasses, Ziggy's compliment... Maybe not as perfect as him describing the scenery in Feedback, but close. Very close. The idea behind it is just as good, its just the wording. I don't know, maybe I am just not getting what you are trying to say. "But the real moon is down there too, somewhere...there's something amazing behind the moon that we see.”" Its that bit. I love the first part, her eyes are like the moon, but not quite. The moon just reflects the light of the sun, her eyes shine of their own accord. But that last line kinda confuses me. The real moon is where, in her eyes? And what is the real moon? Does that also shine of its own accord, is that what you are trying to say? And behind the moon we see is something amazing, a moon that shines of its own? Is that it? Genuine questions, I just am not sure what you are going for there.
Either way, love it. If it wasn't for my slight confusion because of the wording I'd deem it perfect, just like the describing the scenery scene in feedback. The "Want to go on a date" and Scratch's "I think we just did" and then "I'd love to" wrap it all up beautifully.
If there is going to be another chapter (and man, I really, really, REALLY hope so, no matter how long the wait) I hope we get to see some more interaction between Velvet and Ziggy. And of course, just more of everything else. *Phew*. I probably have to post this in two parts, don't I? *Grin*
@Baree
ReplyDeleteMmm, my favorite kind of comment...
Oh, gods, you have no idea how hard it was to write this. Probably every time I sat down to write I was afraid I would never be able to do what I did with Feedback again. Feedback felt like some sort of freak accident for me; I had never expected it be really even be seen as good, let alone great! It's wonderful to see people enjoying it again.
Thank you, for the wonderful comment. It's nice to see that Ziggy's forgetfulness wasn't too jarring, I know that was one of the weakest parts of the fic, and I'm happy that people are taking a little more of a liking to Sweet Stuff as well. It's funny, that line you quoted wasn't even one of the ones I though would have an impact.
And thank you as well for pointing out those flaws near the end. Most of the end of it was written in a single sitting, pounding it out as fast as I could, so I know that a few mistakes slipped by me in editing. I'm planning to go back through it with a fine-toothed comb as soon as I have the time.
There will probably be another chapter. The thing is, I'm just not sure how much more I could do with the pair. They've reached the dating stage, so it's hard to give them a goal now. What I can, and probably will do, however, write more about the side characters, like Sweet Stuff and the other workers at the club. I find a strange glee, as a writer, in setting up details and hints in tiny, innocuous little lines of dialogue. See if you can spot a few. ;D
But thank you, again, for the wonderful comment. I really am glad to see that my work is making people happy.
Oh gosh, where has this been all my life?! This story is beyond great, I can relate with Scratch easily, I'm in love with music, I listen to it all, and Scratch just does it for me, Ziggy is just silly himself, in his own awkward way.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this story, great job writing it and hope to see more! :D
Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!
ReplyDeleteI very much like this story. Thanks!
Okay, so as an author I love you 20% more now as you are presumably a fellow Canadian...When I saw hafries and gravy and cheese I got all giddy OMFG IS HE..IS..YES. That and the continued awesomeness about a DJ Pony(Although no DJ would ever be caught constantly pulling cables and rearranging them..but ill give you some creative lisence for how they mix in equestria :D)
ReplyDeleteThat and an I think you're awesome due to the fact you wrote a good solid story(and please write more! even if its not a third chapter to feedback!)
This is how my day went: Go up town, buy awesome thing, get home, read fanfictions, find fairly decent Vinyl fiction, read comments, find a comment that had a link to this, clicked link to reread, see this has been updated Squee
ReplyDeleteSACREBLEÚ! Why is thar no moar LE FEEDBACKEU!?
ReplyDeleteFRANCE DEMANDS MOAR FEEDBACKEU! NAO!
On to the 'serious part', keep up the good work, love character design & plot. There's always the little insignificant grammar mishap, even though nopony cares! So keep it like that! And take care.
i love this story so hard it has to be one of my all time favorites
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteInstantly my new favorite fic. I loved it, especially the sequel. Can't thank you enough for writing this masterpiece!
ReplyDeleteI sat down last night and read through this on my PSP.
ReplyDeleteI can't place why, but something in it really resonated with me. I'm sure it is one of the reasons outlined above by Baree, but I will say that you've created a loving world with believable characters, one that I hope you will continue in future stories.
Y U NO UPDATE D:
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteUm? Sorry but, while I may do another one eventually, I'm not going to try and force it...I don't have ideas for the series yet, so I'm not working on it.
Besides, I have other things I'm writing at the moment.
@kegisak : Just got linked to this this morning, and I wanted to drop in and tell you how much I enjoyed it. A blind Scratch would seem like something you could play for horror, but you handled it very nicely.
ReplyDeleteZiggy's enough of an everyman to really resonate with me, especially given the trials of writing. Well played, and I'll be looking forward to more of your work!
@kegisak
ReplyDeleteNo. You do not write anything but this! jk, but I want an update soooo much.
Even though Scratch appears for all of 8 seconds in the show, she still is my favorite background pony, because writers like you give her amazing characterization. I always imagined her like she is in the 'Vinyl Scratch Tapes' or 'Thunder and Lightning', but you did something so unique with her and now I love her all the more, and Ziggy was just as good, with such subtle character building.
Actually, I don't even think this needs another chapter. Just an epilogue would do. Even if it just panders to the crowd that wants the happy ending for the cute couple, it would be enough... maybe. If you decide to do more, I'm absolutely sure it will be just as good. Like you said though, don't force it!
all of my stars for you and Ziggy.
Absolutely fantastic. Cannot wait for the next part. I'm serious, I need more.
ReplyDeleteD'awwwww~
ReplyDelete^^
When I saw this: http://mlp-headcanons.tumblr.com/post/9793354982 the fist -and only- thing that came to my mind was this fic.
ReplyDeleteJust reread this...it's still awesome. The only thing I can think of that'd make that last scene better is if she asked if she could touch his face, to feel what he looks like.
ReplyDeleteAnd now "Earth Angel" starts playing on my iTunes, good timing.
More "Feedback" is required.
ReplyDeleteYup.
@kegisak
ReplyDeletesigh... still no epilogue... oh well, it was wonderful while it last. Not implying you should please please please write one but, you know...
(its so good, please don't stop writing. Doesn't have to be feedback, but you do some good stuff)
@Risky
ReplyDeleteYeah, sorry... I never like forcing anything that I write, so I want to wait for inspiration to flash before touching feedback again, even for an epilogue. I just can't think of anything to do.
And at any rate, I sort of need some time away from Feedback. It's the first thing that I put up here, and by far the most popular, and that... irks me, a tad. I keep telling myself, 'I need to do something as good as Feedback. This is the standard by which I measure myself. I need to beat it before I can come back to it.'
For what it's worth, though, I have had a sort of prequel idea - exploring Scratch's early life, as she acclimates to being blind, and moving to ponyville with her mother. It's low priority on my writing list, but hey, it's on it at least.
At any rate, for all my issues with it, I really do love working with Feedback, so I will come back to it... eventually.
I was just thinking about this fic, and lo and behold, a sequel!
ReplyDeleteThere's some homophone issues (it's/its, your/you're, their/they're), and using 'pegasi' when it should be the singular 'pegasus', making this rough around the edges.
By the time they're bantering at the bar after hours, this has picked up steam back to where I remember the first part being. Man, that Vinyl Scratch is a firebrand. The discussion on shallowness and youth is pretty damn profound.
Poutine! HAH!
Deadpink, pfffff. X3
You know what's most effective about this fic? The shipping took its sweet damn time. :3 Far too often, shipping consists of "I want these ponies to kiss, KISS NOW". The gravy incident would have been a perfect opportunity for something schmaltzy and cliched like that. But this relationship is progressing at its own, completely natural pace, and that's why it's so beautiful. I do hope to see more, but as this is, it's a very fine thing to sit and digest on its own. No rush. :) Thanks for writing.
This is my favorite fanfiction, just so you know. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis fic is so awesome... Scratch x Ziggy forever!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great fic
ReplyDeleteaaaaaaah dat update
ReplyDeletedat update
...how did I not know that there was an update to this?
...
yeah.
Some slightly annoying mechanical issues aside (it's/its, now/know, etc.)
...this...
This is beautiful.
My favorite ship fic by far.
Me Gusta, Do Want moar
ReplyDeleteI searched for 2 hours to find this (I desperately wanted to re-read it but couldn't remember the name) so I searched thru countless fics tagged with "Vinyl Scratch" to find out that I had mentioned it on my iPad's note section in the entry about great fics... Anyways, it was worth the searching <3 i loved it then and I love it now!
ReplyDeleteWow. One of the best stories i have ever read. I just read the whole thing in 2 hours. what a great story. :) I absolutely loved the ending.
ReplyDeleteloved it but it feels as if ya left us hangin there at the ah dont know if it was just me but i feel as if there should be a part 2 to this part 2
ReplyDeleteAn excellent story; well written too. My only problem with it is that there are several minor spelling and grammar errors throughout the two stories. Other than that, good job! I hope to see more from you in the future.
ReplyDeleteI' thankful for you to write this. Despite some spelling errors I found this story enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteAlso I'm thankful to MaxVeersBrony for exporting this story to ePUB (for iPad)
so...
ReplyDeleteTo anyone, and everyone interested, if you want to feel your heart stop, listen to this when Scratch and Ziggy are on the hill at the end of the chapter,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-Xm7s9eGxU
It's beautiful ( gotta love dat classical =P )