Author: The Whelp
Description: Princess Celestia's formerly loyal subjects start rebellingEquestria Divided
against her. She retaliates with brutish force, destroying whatever is
in her way and outlawing magic for everypony but her own servants.
Twilight Sparkle is caught in the middle, initially siding with her
master. But she eventually realises what this has cost her. She now
tries to make amends for her own actions under Celestia's orders while
simultaneously trying to stop the power-hungry goddess.
Additional Tags: Expansive, 1984-ish, Brutal, Serious parody, Epic journey
62 comments:
Oh comeon, everypony keeps finishing their ideas before me!!! D:
ReplyDeletePretty compelling read.
ReplyDeleteHoly hell that's dark. I'm gonna have to take breaks with this story
ReplyDeleteGreat story, really powerful. But that intermission? ruined the emotional buildup, it was funny, but i think i'm going to star skipping those till the end.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. I just didn't like the intermission. i prefer to keep the feel of suspense (but that's just my opinion.)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for next chap.
5 stars
That intermission didn't help at all. Pinkie Pie with a Death Note ohmygod. D:
ReplyDeletewhoa great story couldnt stop reading until finishing it
ReplyDeletecant wait to see, how everything turns out
There's a lot of potential in this story. I can hardly wait for the update.
ReplyDeleteThere were a couple of sentences that were ill-worded and a little confusing. I also felt that the intermission killed the mood of the story. I did find it funny that it was supposed to lighten the mood, but was kind of grimdark itself.
Keep it up, Whelp!
This is based off of 1984? That was an awesome book! I can't wait! I'm surprised no one has done Animal Farm!
ReplyDeleteI never read 1984, but I love this story.
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOOOO LYYRRRRAAAAAA!
ReplyDeleteThis story didn't make sense to me. I didn't understand why Celestia did any of the things she did. I don't see any logical progression from the world of the show to what happens in this story, even assuming that Celestia is evil for no reason.
ReplyDeleteCelestia is evil because it amuses me.
ReplyDeleteAs for the intermission, it was an old thing I thought I might as well put in for kicks and giggles. I'll be more conservative with them in the future.
It's getting late over here, but I expect to put up an update sometime tomorrow, given all the nice reviews.
Glad you people like it.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAw, crud, might as well use my real name. Hi, I'm the author. I also posted that comment under the name "Whelp" up there because it's been my screen name for ages.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, the 1984 part will be far more prevalent once I get them to some kind of city. I do have a grand scheme with this, though, and all will be explained in time.
Hmm... In my opinion the intermission just kinda ruins the atmosphere.
ReplyDeleteIt does little to lighten one's mood when reading, and for those who have read far worse it just gets in the way of the story.
There's my two bits.
Fair enough. I'll remove it then.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll post it with a Watchmen parody some day.
All the mares and colts of the world will look up and shout: "Save us!" And I'll whisper: "Neigh."
I want to read the intermisson :(
ReplyDeleteWell, I believe it's on ym deviantArt account and that it's the only thing there. It's OMGzecookiez.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's there.
Evil Celest AND Trixie! yay!
ReplyDeleteA great read! Very well written. Can't wait for more! As far as "1984" goes...It doesn't share the sub-category 1984 does. Obviously, both take place in an oppressive regime. The difference is in 1984, the Oceana government is everywhere. They give you your food, tell you where to work, say what you can and can't do. Hell, they even oversee your workout routine. There is nothing you can do in 1984 without the government watching you. But like I said, you have the overall tyrannical government part down pat. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteInteresting Story. I wonder what will become of the other ponies.
ReplyDelete@aclockwerkponi
ReplyDeleteYou are right. I updated the story four times after submitting the application, and in the end, it turned out that I was writing something very different from what I had originally planned. It's been, I think, five years since I sat down and read through 1984, Animal Farm, etc., so my memory of them is less than perfect. I also changed the name after submitting the application, for abbreviation purposes.
In the end, I sat down and thought out a storyline for the future, and it's probably gonna play out more in the "Japanese RPG where we go out and save the world" style than I had originally planned. However, it mirrors the first two episodes in many ways, which you will eventually see.
Glad you liked it!
Updated. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! Keep it up!
ReplyDeletereally a great read,hope it its still active :D
ReplyDeleteits refreshing to read grimdarks for MLP, could you maybe post you a link to the intermisson if its still around somewhere? :)
I really enjoyed this. Is it ever going to get updated!?
ReplyDelete@Nerevar:
ReplyDeleteWell, if you wanna know the truth, I've actually updated it about 4 times since I posted this, I just haven't re-submitted it. I'm working on a full novel and that's been taking up most of my time. I'll try and see what I can do.
... The subject matter on who is evil automatically makes it not worth my time. From what I've seen though, you are a good writer, but I'm very sorry but having Celestia be your villain makes this a uninteresting read, I am sick of people putting Celestia in the villain role. I understand you are going for a 1984 feel, but equestria isn't like that. Just because shes leader gives you no reason to thrust her in the role of antagonist. You can't just hand wave it into "power corrupts" without giving reason, or back story to the corruption. Celestia is a god, no pony could stand up to her, there is no way to hand wave away the fact that, if she was an evil power hungry goddess, she would simply smite them if they disobeyed, she has no reason to feign niceness if she is evil. But if you give reason, and its a good one, perhaps it could be understandable. I just hate seeing otherwise good authors using one dimensional villains. For example, a simple, plot hole filled, but still valid reason you could give is because, as she became more corrupt, she still wanted to feel as she did innocent, like forming a mask to hide the emptiness inside.I'm not trying to be mean, I just want you to have a better story, I really want to enjoy it, but I can't.
ReplyDeletePainfully short but exquisitely dark.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to further chapters.
~Scratch
Well this was twisted.
ReplyDeleteThat was great! Can't wait for the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteThis is even better than cupcakes.
ReplyDeleteI shouldn't be reading on Sunday mid-night but oh WTH.
ReplyDeleteRevamp? yay at least something more to read :D
ReplyDeleteOh, dammit Sethisto, did you replace the link? Ugh. I fixed the doc, it only contained the prelude before. Now it has both the prelude and the rest of the story. Enjoy.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI don't really know what to say. You probably only read the prelude, which I sent to Sethisto to put in a seperate doc because, well, it technically breaks the guidelines for gore. But apparently, it was alright. Try reading the full story. However, I can assure you that I have more plans for her than being a one-dimensional villain. But hey, it's your choice. Thanks for your input, though.
A Revamp?! o.O
ReplyDelete*notices his comments on this from months ago*
hmmm...
*opens the doc*
OHHHH ITS THIS STORY! :D
I haven't even read this story yet and I'm excited for the next chapters! I thought 1984 was a really good book, if this does half as good a job of making the oppression felt as 1984 did then I will be satisfied. I look forward to reading your work especially if you plan on updating frequently because I have quite a list of fics that have remained incomplete and un-updated for a while now.
ReplyDeleteAlso, is that intermission that has been mentioned previously, "A Very Pinkie Day," on your DA page?
ReplyDeleteIm a sucker for happy ending(well here it can be a good ending at least,to many dead to be really happy)
ReplyDeleteotherwise the story can be whatever it wants as long as its good
the prelude is pretty grimdark compared to the rest, didnt read cupcakes(and dont want to xD ) so cant really know if it a better horror then it.
2 new parts to read, yay, still im going from the beggining to not forget anything important that could come up.
I hope that celestia was just corrupted like Luna was when she turned into Nightmare moon.The elements removed the corruption but didnt defeat Luna in any way,so dont know how Twilight plans to use them to defeat celestia for good.
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteI have had problems with my update scehdule due to some - no, a lot, actually - of private problems as well as some other stuff. But people on Ponychan urged me to update it and so I have done a few times. As well as adding that little grimdark prequel. And yes, the intermission is on my dA page. It's linked in the story.
If this site didnt allow Grimdark or Sad tags, there would be 95% less fics on here
ReplyDeleteI was wondering what happened to this one.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that's meant as a stab, but I wouldn't know. I assume that people - well, I can only really speak for myself here, but whatevs - are interested in grimdark because it make for an intriguing twist on the universe. It's hard to make something like the episodes without becoming even more cheesy and anvilicious than they are and still retaining their charm. Heck, the episodes don't even have all that interesting plots in my opinion. But hey, no one is forcing you to read it. I'm just writing this for my personal amusement. If it amuses other people, that is something I see as a bonus. Not the main objective. I need to finish it, though.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Looking forward to more.
ReplyDeleteI hope Twilight dies, not because I hate her, she seems truly remorseful, but because I don't see how she can be happy with her life long term given the atrocities she helped commit.
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Mr. Whelp!
ReplyDeleteWell, as some said Celestia becoming powercrazy evil dictator is getting kind of old. Twilight being her right hoof, then confessing and changing side's easely predictable, but story itself is nicely written. Everything is mostly set in a sober-mare walking over old battlefield, gray clouds overshadowing everything and her herself thinking of past sins.
ReplyDeleteMan, I wondered where this had gone. Can't wait for more updates.
ReplyDelete@MuffinShy
ReplyDeleteShe is suited to fit into the role frequently . Strongest magical being in the canon, leader of the whole nation, pitting her vs. her sister or her vs. the elements makes for interesting conflicts. Until more imposing big bad's are introduced you'll see Luna/Celestia frequently be the villains.
@MuffinShy
ReplyDeleteOne thing you have to keep in mind is that this story was originally started back in April, so this is actually closer to a case of http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SeinfeldIsUnfunny than anything. This had been done some times before when I wrote it, but at the time, it was actually still a sort of original twist, at least in FiM. In general, making the big good evil all of a sudden isn't new, of course. However, rest assured that I plan on making Celestia more of a tragic character than a villain.
Cant wait for more, I absolutely loved it.
ReplyDeleteI could not get into this. I was hoping for something that would be well-written enough to overcome my usual distaste of tyrant Celestia stories, but that opening... Not just Twilight being severely out of character, but the errors. Not a good way to start a story. I think I'm completely done with tyrant Celestia.
ReplyDeleteFirst time with a grimdark fanfic, except for Cupcakes that is. Gotta say, I'm impressed. I'm enjoying this so far, can't wait for the next chapter.
ReplyDelete@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteWould you care to elaborate? I'm all for constructive criticism, but I would at least like examples of why you think so if that's not too much to ask. Ah well, you're probably never gonna read this anyways. But as for Twilight being out of character, that is explained later on. The errors, though... Well, I don't know what they are, so I really can't explain those.
*Looks at concept*
ReplyDelete*Looks how long it is*
*Favorited*
YEAH, I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway. Good job. But I agree with present perfect - The prelude seemed a little out of place to me.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read how AJ and Pinkie are in this story.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to rush but I got too many stories on halt in brain and it's starting to confuse me. So, looking forward for more.
@Morten
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that this story has died out, but I still really want it to continue. Do you have any plans on continuing?
I also hope this isnt canceled,maybe on hiatus and he/she did a revision of all of it so that too took its time.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell if its done or not, I really want it to continue, the odd matching of twi and Trixie is quite interesting and the story is compelling over all
ReplyDelete