Author: A.J.
Description: The Story of Dicey Chance, owner of The Golden Horseshoe resort and casino.Dicey Chance
Additional Tags: Original Concept, Casino, Dicey Chance, Request
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[Normal] More OC pony! This one was actually pretty common on /co/ a while back... which is surprising considering how much OC is hated over there!
Author: A.J.
Additional Tags: Original Concept, Casino, Dicey Chance, RequestShare This!
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8 comments:
Ok. I like the general concept of a local crime lord, card shark and overal bad pony with a lighter side of a true Don. Like the mafioso-style here, it could be interesting persona to follow in a story. The problem is the story itself so far - we have no background to the character. We don't know nothing about it. How Dicey became like that? Why she is like that? Draw some surroundings, some vivid life around her, make the character exist in some kind of environment.
ReplyDeleteSo, in conclusion, I like the idea for a character, but there is simply not enough "meat around the bone" to chew into. Write something bigger with it.
@fireant
ReplyDeleteI rather like the mystery surrounding Dicey so far. It adds to the immersion that a character with such vast connections can seem to know everything, yet we know nothing about her.
though some work does need put into the surroundings. I had no clue they were at her Casino for a good while. I thouht they were in Ponyville at the Spa.
Oh, she's a responsible casino owner. Wow, I was TOTALLY expecting something different with Mr. Cake at the end. I want to see more of this character.
ReplyDeleteWell, so far we have OC pony being kind and generous to everyone (with a little hinting at a dark side that does not pan out at all) and, well... that's it.
ReplyDeleteIf this is chapter 1 of a longer piece, your story needs to open with something that gets the reader interested and involved right away. I almost got interested when she seemed to be threatening Cake, but then it was all for his own good and she did him a favor.
You don't have to open with a conflict per se, but introducing your OC does not constitute a gripping start. This feels more like a chapter 2 where you slow down after the tense opening and fil in more information about the mysterious character we met but know nothing about. At this point there is no plot occurring, no reason to come back for part 2.
If there is no more than this, well... I have to pan it on the grounds of not being a story, since basically nothing of consequence happens.
What Escher said.
ReplyDelete2.5 stars only ?
ReplyDeleteWhy do I smell the awfully bad smell of *OC-hating trolls*, this morning ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteRead it, than speak up about OC hating :)
@fireant
ReplyDeleteNot sure of what you said, but anyways... ?
I SAID, that the low rating was unjustified and most probably related to OTHER PEOPLE who hate OCs and systematically voted low.
(Not me. Me, I don't care, really. Main cast,CMC, OCs... IF the author devellop them and/or make them somewhat interesting, then it's all good. People have no damn reason (almost always) to hate OCs other than to hate for the sake of hating, which is stupid.)
This story was ok, relatively interesting, and just need more chapter to add to the development. So far, it's good.