• Story: Deluge

    by
    [Grimdark][Shipping] Another Noir style fic.  Probably not for everpony, but the pre-readers that do enjoy noir loved it, so hopefully it's a hit with the rest of you!


    Author: no space
    Description: It's been years since many of the ponies from Ponyville moved to the big city to follow dreams and other friends. The years, however, have not been kind.
    Deluge

    Additional Tags: Noir, Murder, Detective, Gang, Interconnectedness
    Monday, May 30, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , , , , ,
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    12 comments:

    1. FickleMay 30, 2011 at 2:18 AM

      Dark, mysterious, pieced together like an expensive puzzle.

      I like it!

      ReplyDelete
    2. GarnotMay 30, 2011 at 2:27 AM

      I'm loving this story!

      ReplyDelete
    3. AnonymousMay 30, 2011 at 2:29 AM

      I love Noir to no end, this was a great read, even if it felt short.

      ReplyDelete
    4. AnonymousMay 30, 2011 at 3:02 AM

      Ponies seem to work frighteningly well in a noir setting. I really loved this story and hope you choose to write a continuation...so much more could be done with this universe!

      ReplyDelete
    5. AnonymousMay 30, 2011 at 3:37 AM

      Noir pony is best pony. I'd love to see more of this story, even though the ends are mostly tied up

      ReplyDelete
    6. Frosty BrandMay 30, 2011 at 3:41 AM

      wow. one pony [and dragon] after another. I think I didn't think I'd find Noir style interesting.

      ReplyDelete
    7. aclockwerkponiMay 30, 2011 at 8:04 AM

      Amazing! I hope a sequel (or prequel) is in the works!

      ReplyDelete
    8. TosxychorMay 30, 2011 at 8:45 AM

      Short and very sweet (or perhaps sour? :p) but all the same, nice job! Hope to see more of your works :)

      ReplyDelete
    9. TenchiFreak5May 30, 2011 at 8:50 AM

      Works very well as a self-contained piece, but I do really hope you write a continuation.

      ReplyDelete
    10. NinestempestMay 30, 2011 at 1:44 PM

      Tagged as complete I see.

      I... well, it was okay. Yes it is noire, so it is a subject matter I'm not familiar with. But I honestly didn't feel much emotional investment in the characters or with what was going on. RD seemed to only be there to get TS to talk about what they had; TS seemed to only be there to have that talk. PP/FS and AJ/Rr were good curves, but it felt kind of empty. Maybe that's intended, I can't tell.

      I... I just don't know. So very odd.

      ReplyDelete
    11. no spaceMay 30, 2011 at 2:19 PM

      @Nines

      Thanks for the feedback. I actually was afraid that would be a problem. When I was going into the story, I knew I wanted to condense it as much as possible. I wanted it to be mostly snapshots, instead of entire scenes of how they got there and where they're going. I had a lot of background desires and emotions for all the characters that I knew they were feeling, but I didn't think it would be very organic if I brought them in in an obvious manner. The characters are playing a lot of things close to their chest since they no longer have these confidants to share things with, and they probably don't even allow themselves to think about them much anymore, and instead just react to the situations. At least, that's what I was going for. I probably didn't pull it off very well, and I can definitely see how the emotional investment would suffer for that.

      The RD/TS thing, I hadn't really thought of. To be honest, the part you're talking about was more of an after-thought. I was just going to detail RD getting some money from TS, then leaving, but I needed to flesh it out more.

      ReplyDelete
    12. PandarsenicMay 30, 2011 at 5:00 PM

      @no space: Ehhh... I'll say I thought that stuff came across fairly well. A lot of it was implied in the Noirity of it all, to be fair.

      But yeah. I loved it.

      ReplyDelete

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