• Story: A Day with the Wonderbolts

    by
    [Normal] It's totally Rainbow Dash day or something. Still /r/ing a widescreen version of this btw, thanks!

    Author: The Dark Griffon
    Description: Rainbow Dash gets to live her dream -- a day with the famous Wonderbolts. What does the leader of the team, Skybuck, have in store for her, and what will she do to convince him to let her join the team?
    A Day with the Wonderbolts (20% cooler formatting)

    Additional Tags: Short, Rainbow Dash, Wonderbolts, Slice of Life
    Tuesday, May 31, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , , ,
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    23 comments:

    1. NinestempestMay 31, 2011 at 12:02 PM

      Eugh, pages format.

      Still, I shall read on.

      ReplyDelete
    2. Doc SteedlyMay 31, 2011 at 12:28 PM

      I cant stand the pages format x.x I dont read the stories at my pc . . . . i take them on the go, or i lounge around with my phone doing that. THankfully i havent run across too many stories in this format . . . Im sorry author, the page or two i read was pretty good . . . thank you for the effort, but even tho i have a very NICE AND LARGE pc monitor . . . its not compfy place to read.

      ReplyDelete
    3. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 12:29 PM

      Assuming that the page formatting problem was the lack of indents, that was corrected and a new version is now posted. Hopefully, that'll make things easier!

      ReplyDelete
    4. VideoGMay 31, 2011 at 12:35 PM

      I thought I posted a widescreen version of that already.

      Oh well, here it is again:
      http://dl.dropbox.com/u/23511114/rainbow_dash_tagme_wallpaper.png

      It's 1600x900. I can adjust the size/positioning, if you want.

      ReplyDelete
    5. NinestempestMay 31, 2011 at 12:42 PM

      CRITIQUE (goddamn I'm glad RD is my favorite poni)

      I felt that, despite RD being the main character, and the character experiencing all these new things, and hanging with her idols, and being so excited, that you didn't focus on her enough. Most of the PoV seemed to be from behind Skybuck, but you kept giving RD's reactions. Skybuck also did 90% of the talking. Which is fine, I guess, given the situation, but I kind of wasn't sure how RD was feeling throughout most of it. Also, when RD had failed to get Skybuck's ribbon, she just felt kind of instantly admonished and sad for basically little reason. BOOHOO THEY WON'T LET ME INTO THE WONDERBOLTS BECAUSE I WAS TOO SILLY IN A FLYING GAME. No, I don't believe RD works like that. She'd curse herself and be more confident.

      I actually think she was too reserved in all of this. She didn't remain quiet when she met the wonderbolts at the competition (omgomgomgomgomgomgomg), and she TRIED to talk with them and impress them constantly at the gala. I think this just wasn't confident or vocal enough to be a good Dash.

      It was still fun; your interpretation of the WB's main site, the building in general, and their teamwork was all done well. Dash just wasn't enough Dash for me.

      ReplyDelete
    6. VideoGMay 31, 2011 at 12:45 PM

      Picture's updated. Now 1920x1080.

      ReplyDelete
    7. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 12:46 PM

      @NinesTempest

      Thank you for the critique!

      One question, though: how do I fix the page formatproblem? I really don't know that much about Google Docs; what format should it be stored in?

      ReplyDelete
    8. NinestempestMay 31, 2011 at 12:50 PM

      @The Dark Griffon
      I... I have no idea how you people are getting the pages format.

      just google google documents, make a new document, and copy-paste the text in. Docs is good at knowing formatting, italics and all.

      I believe pages is what happens when you upload a PDF, right?

      ReplyDelete
    9. DrOrbitalDeathRayMay 31, 2011 at 1:04 PM

      I haven't read it all the way through yet, but it starts with a Van Halen quote so it can't possibly be bad.

      Rainbow Dash:Pinkie Pie :: Sammy Hagar:David Lee Roth

      ReplyDelete
    10. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 1:07 PM

      @DrOrbitalDeathRay

      It's actually more then just a Van Halen quote. It's the unofficial theme song of the Blue Angels. :>

      ReplyDelete
    11. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 1:13 PM

      Okay, I've fixed the page formatting. The non-page formatted document is here:

      https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IIae0lPuOk69ExRmxLb3zwiqv7d4Lsef-bFFxgL9t9c/edit?hl=en_US&authkey=CMn6hoYP

      Once the link is updated, feel free to delete the comment, Sethisto.

      ReplyDelete
    12. NickMay 31, 2011 at 1:19 PM

      This was entertaining to read. I really enjoyed how you planned out the whole day, and how Dash was beside herself with fangirliness.

      The two things that stood out (other than the formatting, but I just made a copy and converted it to editing so it was at least somewhat readable) were how rushed some parts felt and how you sometimes weren't specific enough with pronouns. The latter wasn't terrible, but it definitely led to some confusing parts when I had to reread in order to find out who was doing what. The former... you should've written a bit more, I think, about Rainbow Dash's thoughts.

      ReplyDelete
    13. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 1:36 PM

      @Nick

      Another thank you for the compliment and the critique.

      One thing I'm considering doing for a newer version of the story is adding a better epilogue. I figured that Dash would be overwhelmed enough by the experience not to think that much as it's happening -- she's not the most cerebral pony anyway. But once she's home, and has time to digest it all, she'll be thinking about pretty much nothing else for a while!

      ReplyDelete
    14. Doc SteedlyMay 31, 2011 at 1:40 PM

      THANK YOU for the widescreen version of that pic, now i have to add it to my bg rotation . . . YAY!!

      THank you for posting the story in google docs. I cant wait to read this tonight. Im drawing right now . . .. i may start doing the daily draw things here . . . . Gonna try one out today n.n

      ReplyDelete
    15. Doc SteedlyMay 31, 2011 at 1:42 PM

      it just takes me soo long to do my pics . . . and i dont rmember the deadlines for hte drawing things . . . i woulda started earlier but i had to fix the spider on my cars subwoofer . . . it shatter . . . O.O how i dont know . . . . . hmmm maybe twi will have some insight? lol

      ReplyDelete
    16. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 2:16 PM

      @Alexstrazsa

      Thank you! It's good to know someone really liked it.

      ReplyDelete
    17. AnonymousMay 31, 2011 at 3:38 PM

      Finally Rainbow Dash and Top Gun references, the one thing I was waiting for.

      ReplyDelete
    18. The Dark GriffonMay 31, 2011 at 3:52 PM

      @Anonymous

      Skybuck certainly had some inspiration in Viper, but he wasn't quite an Expy of him. Slider was more blatant. ^.^

      ReplyDelete
    19. Lectro DubMay 31, 2011 at 6:34 PM

      Excellent story. While I'll agree with one of the comments on how there wasn't enough focus on Dash, it was really great on the Wonderbolts' part. Very professional and insightful.

      ReplyDelete
    20. TenchiFreak5May 31, 2011 at 10:45 PM

      This was a fun little story to read. I highly enjoyed it, and while I agree with the above comments that it wasn't Dash-centric enough, what was there was fantastically written.

      ReplyDelete
    21. NikitaJune 1, 2011 at 1:31 AM

      :)

      ^ Reply to that please!

      PS: The suspense was great, really felt it.

      ReplyDelete
    22. The Dark GriffonJune 1, 2011 at 4:57 AM

      @Nikita

      ;>

      ReplyDelete
    23. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 1:17 PM

      Oh my word... A NON-SHIPPING Dash fic! A fanfic about Dash without her being bent into a romantic relationship with everything from Pinkie Pie to Soarin' to that apple tree from Over a Barrel! Must... read...

      ReplyDelete

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