Author: SyrinKitty
Description: Twilight ventures out into the mountains to see a once-in-a-lifetime event. Disappointed by her friends not coming with her, Twilight crosses paths with a kindred spirit.All Links after the break!
Google Documents
Common Sky Part 1
Common Sky Part 2
Common Sky Part 3
Common Sky Epilogue
Deviant Art
Common Sky Part 1
Common Sky Part 2
Common Sky Part 3
Common Sky Epilogue
Additional Tags: Twilight Luna Cuddle Shipping Awkwardness
[Shipping][Sad][Slightly Dark]
Description: "As Luna prepares for the Winter Moon Celebration, old, dark memories begin to invade her mind from a time long past. Will she be able to defeat her demons, or will her demons be the one thing that will save her?"Google Documents
Fragments Prologue
Fragments Part 1
Fragments Part 2 (New!)
Deviant Art
Fragments Prologue
Fragments Part 1
Fragments Part 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Twilight Luna Cuddle Shipping Awkwardness
185 comments:
WOOT!! My Luna Commission has been finally used!!! :''3 <3
ReplyDeleteGo read this! It's really good.
ReplyDeleteVery Beautiful pic of Luna There
ReplyDeleteCONFOUND THESE BRONIES!!!
ReplyDeleteMaking Google Docs full and forcing me to actually wait...
Is this story full on shipping or just friendly light hearted shipping?
ReplyDeleteAuthor here. Love and intimacy are strong themes in it, but I this fic doesn't (and wont) contain any physical/sexual themes.
ReplyDeleteCool just he kind of shipping I like. Will be giving it a read then.
ReplyDeletefar too many people viewing the document right now, haha.
ReplyDeleteTwilight/Luna shipping ?
ReplyDeletePROCEED.
Um, I really dislike shipping. Do you guys think I should give it a try, since you are claming it is THAT good? :\
ReplyDeleteWhoa, it gets a bit much towards the end of chapter two there, but I was right with you up until then!
ReplyDeleteNicely written too. Good job :)
Curse you google docs! I want my d'awwwww!
ReplyDeleteGetting into the google docs for this story is HARD!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI never thought it would be a bad thing having a lot of bronies until I can't read a shipping about mai waifu.
By the way, Sethisto, I'm really loving the pre-reader quotes you occasionally use after the first tags. It makes the post feel really legit, haha.
ReplyDeleteGOOGLE DOCS.
ReplyDeleteY U NO LET ME READ PONY
@Narwhals' Bend
ReplyDeleteOi!!!!
She's MAI WAIFU!
Loved it
ReplyDeleteSooooo muucchhhh d'aawwwwww...
ReplyDelete@ZAquanimus
She's totally MAI waifu.
D'awwwwww-ey for sure.
ReplyDeleteVery good! I'm a sucker for Twi and Luna shipping, anyways
ReplyDeleteVery touching and well written. The interactions between the 2 are perfect.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for Part 3!
ReplyDeleteI love this one for sure.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely amazing story, a tear came to my eye when I learned that it wasn't finished.
ReplyDeleteThis fanfic is an amazing one!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd Im not just saying that because Seth used one of my commissions of her Majesty Princess Luna as the image. <3
All of the above.
ReplyDeleteI don't normally read fan fictions. At all. Like, no real interest whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteBut as I do enjoy the company of the pony community, I felt I should at least give few a read. As for this story, I can say that I'm glad I took that chance as I thoroughly and completely enjoyed reading it. The characters feel appropriately in-character, the mindset of both Twilight and Luna are beautifully written complete with their respective flaws included without feeling forced, and the overall flow of the story has a natural feel to it; a calm pace, not overeager to get to its destination.
Truly just a fantastic and must-read. Needless to say, I'm greatly looking forward to the release of the third chapter.
FINALY!!! I've been asking for good TwighxLuna forever and this is the first one that acctualy delivers! Some came close but Common Sky is extremely high quality... You better finish it :P
ReplyDeleteHere is a link to it on /P/chan:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/9166.html
also 3rd part is done but its being edited. should be out tomorrow(Mon. 5/16)
~RSZ
A long and gratuitous round of applause is an order. The characterization, story telling, buildup, all of it is wonderful. If I had to fault you for something, it would be that early on a bit of the descriptions went a bit longer than they needed to. Ultimately, the effect is minimal, and may just be a result of your way of writing (far be it from me to criticize unconventional writing styles). Definitely one of the best reads I've had through this fandom.
ReplyDeleteBravo.
"Nervous? Don't be ridiculous. You're only facing a large crowd of ponies, who will be watching your every move and silently judging you."
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the entire story...
ReplyDeleteJaw -> Floor.
Absolutely beautiful. 5/5 stars
ReplyDeleteAnd it comes to an end. Like a cherry on top, an awe some guitar riff, or a shooting star that cuts across the sky just as your eyes close; you have crafted a PERFECT ending to one of the- No, THE BEST short-story series I have ever had the pleasure of reading. It has been an honor to read this. I'm not religious, but i can only pray that you continue your craft. I know I will be there to have my heart stolen again.
ReplyDelete~fan 4 ever
RSZ
P.S. if it seams like I'm gushing, I am. If you think its too much, its not enough. good work Syrin
confound it, its full
ReplyDeleteWhat could have been one of the best fics in the fandom is ruined by that final sentence in the Epilogue. It's just... so out of context, and in such a different tone and style than the rest of the story that it leaves the reader feeling cheated out of a fantastic story.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat a perfect ending!I let my guard down, and WHAM! So great! 5/5!
ReplyDeleteThat was one of the most enjoyable reads in a long time. I'm actually really sad its over. I think you captured what Luna could be like really, really well. Secretly I am hoping you might write an additional chapter at some point (many writers have shown that "The End" doesn't actually have to mean The End), but if not, I will be looking forward to your next endeavour.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do agree with Anonymous above me. That final sentence feels really out of place and doesn't add anything. I'd seriously consider removing it.
After enough complaints, I removed the ending. Sorry it wasn't to everyone's liking. :p
ReplyDeleteI don't see a need to apologize. People have different opinions. To be fair, I probably would be to stubborn to change something like that.
ReplyDeletebest. fanfic. ever. for a while that story about Gilda (junior speedsters forever) was, what i thought, the greatest story in all of equestria. until i read this, that was my favorite. i absolutly loved this story, wouldve loved to read the ending that you cut off apparently judging by some other ponies comments, but none the less this is my favorite story. until that is you make another story ;) 5/5 stars
ReplyDeleteSurpassed Moonbeam as favorite fanfic.
ReplyDeleteThis was...amazing! This is a true story. Great character development, plot was nice and simple, the romance wasn't rushed and taken well and this Luna is just one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteThis fanfic deserves to be loved and cared for. This is art, this is writing, this is the reason why I read this stuff and hope to write just as good as this. Well done, I give you all my praise!.
Wait .. what final sentence are we talking about here? Whats written there fits perfectly as far as I'm concerned.
ReplyDeleteBest MLP fanfic I have ever read, hooves down. Absolutely stellar work, if you'll pardon the pun. I look forward to more from this author.
ReplyDeleteAnd how is this not a 5 star fic? ?!
ReplyDeleteI'm normally against shipping stories, but I found this one to be wholly engaging and believable. Nothing felt rushed or forced and the emotions felt very genuine.
ReplyDeleteI've always been intrigued by Luna as a character and fully connect with Twilight, so seeing them together was interesting. You captured the awkwardness they both (may) have quite well.
I hope to see more work from you. You're a very skilled writer.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete"Against" might be a strong word. "Don't normally partake" is a bit better wording.
I enjoyed this, so much... amazing isn't even a good enough word to describe this. I simply had a great time reading this. The characters fit well, the story was very nice, everything made sense and just fit. Simply put, Thank You.
ReplyDeletethis is now my favorite story. you just made my night. 5/5
ReplyDelete@Narwhals' Bend
ReplyDeleteI almost agree.
What is it about Luna fics that is just so awesome? Amazing work has been posted here, and I think i can safely say that we all hope for more. 5 stars.
Damn this is just so beautiful. Even after the epilogue I still crave more. It would be so awesome if the show were like this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your positive comments! It means a lot to me! <3
ReplyDeleteHere are some author notes I wrote up quickly, in case anyone is wondering. http://syrinkitty.deviantart.com/journal/40642174/
Lovely. This was well-written, the characters were portrayed well, and the romantic side was sweet and satisfying, yet never overbearing to the main focus of the plot.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of sounding like I'm just trying to do a plug for myself, I'm particularly a fan of this story because you did what I originally had wanted to do with my own story, Constellations--use Twilight's knowledge and interest in the night sky as a basis for her and Luna falling in love. My story just didn't develop that way, though, and that's partially because I recognized a proper execution of that emotional connection was beyond my own level of skill. But you've realized this idea beautifully and elegantly in this story, just the way it should be done. Great work! I hope we'll see more stories from you before a decade goes by.
Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh
ReplyDeleteSqueeking. So hard. Right now.
Favorite Pony story, period. Beautiful, wonderful, I loved the way you wrote them, they're so much... Gah! This is simply amazing!
I can't say much more without repeating myself! This is excellent! Hiiiiiiiiiiii!
Enough people have said it. but I'd like to add another
ReplyDelete"Fantastic Read" to your comments. Loved every second of it.
Congratulations. Moar is now full of Twilight X Luna.
ReplyDelete5/5 loved it.
Just loved the story, really sweet and engaging making you feel happy, sad and worried all throughout
ReplyDeleteManly tears where shed with this story...
ReplyDeleteThis was fantastic. Just fantastic. Twilight doesn't get shipped nearly enough I think, and this was done with such skill, such sweetness, such...class, I can't help but love it. Twilight saying "I love you too, Luna" at the end was simply perfect.
ReplyDeleteso much D'AAAWWW. such a perfect story, i admit im a huge shipping fan but this was so much better then any "borderline Clopfic" so sweet. well written and i thought the characters personality was captured perfect. Luna was Exactly like i imagined her to be.
ReplyDeletei will stalk your DA page. i need mroe from you.
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI could clearly hear Twilights voice reading her lines, and instantly fell in love with Lunas character in this.
I'd really love to read more from you, SyrinKitty.
As an almost obsessive reader of shipping, I've seen a lot of crap. But this, this has heart and real thought put into it. Syrin's prose is very engaging and almost professional. Congratulations on an absolutely well done story! I enjoyed every moment of it.
ReplyDeleteD'awwww, what a great story! I get the feeling you're an amateur astronomer yourself. I love Twiluna... it's such a cute ship. I think the scene with the aurora made me fall in love with Luna a little bit too. :)
ReplyDeleteHowever: to quote the Robot Devil, "You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!" Seriously, though, you frequently told us how they were feeling instead of making us feel it too.
Whenever you're about to name someone's emotion, you should think long and hard about describing it instead. Trust me, if Luna's eyes fill with tears or Twilight's face splits in a huge grin, we'll figure out what they're feeling.
I also got tired of them constantly apologizing and promising one another that it was okay. I felt a little bit cheated by that. I think the later repetitions of that conversation could have been replaced with different dialogue that had the same point, but exposed more facets of their characters.
Theme song for the fic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pThDHy1xYpg
P.S. Hey Luna, the Andromeda galaxy actually contains about a trillion stars. ;)
I want to amend that I believe you did a good job on the "feel" thing most of the time -- it only jumped out at me when you didn't.
ReplyDeleteOne more minor but important stylistic note:
Based on your author's notes, you were intending to write in a third-person limited style but periodically switch the viewpoint character. In practice it seemed more like third-person omniscient.
When you switch characters, it flows more easily if you leave a blank line between the paragraphs so we know there's been a switch, and then you should start the new paragraph with an action that clearly indicates the new viewpoint character. There were a few points where the new paragraph started with dialogue and I didn't realize we'd switched until a line or two later.
For example, if I were to open such a paragraph with,
"Luna blinked. 'Why would you even think that?' she demanded."
There's no strong indication that we're not still on Twilight's viewpoint. Instead, I would do something like,
"Luna blinked. She couldn't believe her ears. 'Why would you even think that?' she demanded."
Since we're privy to Luna's thoughts, she's clearly the viewpoint character now.
Yay, criticism!
ReplyDeleteYou make very good points. I think the crux of the problem is that I've spent so much of my damn time the last few years writing academic term papers that sometimes my mind snaps back into the "describe how every character is feeling" perspective, which doesn't actually work when you're writing fiction like this. I think another problem is my interpretations of both Twilight Spakle and Luna themselves: I imagined both to be highly introverted and awkward, and thus have a ton of inner dialogue going on. However, that probably ends up making me write myself into a corner. With Luna constantly apologizing, I was trying to exert just how unsure the non-Nightmare Luna was about herself, but I do agree that went on for a bit too long.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that this is my first genuinely creative project in a while, and that my skill as a writer is still very amateur and fresh. Even re-reading it now I can spot a lot of basic structural problems with individual sentences, which I really should have caught in my first ten read-throughs. I can only improve with time, right? :p
As for the new paragraph thing... I had actually kept that in mind with every new paragraph, as to whether it'd be a scene change or a character-viewpoint change. I'm guessing perhaps that I should have added a more specific signifier to that effect.
This was beautiful. TwiLuna seems to be very difficult to write for some reason, but this just woked. And worked very well if I may say so. Thank you for writing and sharing.
ReplyDelete"I made all that?" Dear god I should hope not! There is something fundamentally wrong with the universe if that was the case.
ReplyDeleteGreat story very well written. The romantic overtones are very subtle and fit in perfectly. Some shipping feels forced, not the case here. Good characterization and in general very eloquent.
@Yuri: I figured that in the land of magical ponies and immortal goddesses that control the sun and the moon, Luna creating galaxies - since M-objects are also a major part of astronomy - wasn't that far removed from (that) reality.
ReplyDeleteAnd as some have guessed... yes, I'm a bit of an astronomer. Not so much anymore since I live in a major urban area now, but I know a little bit. I did of course underestimate the number of stars in Andromeda, but... eh, whatever. (BUT IT'S NOT TECHNICALLY ACCURATE)
i found this to be a really cute story and showed a much softer side to luna that i hope to see in season 2 the "shipping" was a lot more tame then i thought it would be.
ReplyDeleteOw wow, new image! Here's the link in case anyone's wondering where it came from. (Thanks SonicRainboom93 for the gift!)
ReplyDeletehttp://sonicrainboom93.deviantart.com/#/d3glzi4
first off...This has got to be the best FF I've ever Read, The way there Friendship grows is just awesome! There's really no other way to put this than 'A beautiful Friendship'. I know that it ended perfectly, but I want there to be more... Thank you for a good good story that really made my day. And again Thank you.
ReplyDelete@LordOfTheWrongs Listening to that song, Plus Re-Reading the story Nearly made my Heart melt with happyness.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting that.^^,
THIS IS WHY I F*CKIN' LOVE THIS COMMUNITY. Sh*t like this, right here. With most things, you get completely crap fanfiction, as everyone with a keyboard's convinced they're Charles bloody Dickens. With this community, though, nobody posts something unless it's absolute GOLD.
ReplyDelete<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 IF THE WORLD REALLY ENDS TODAY, I HAVE NO REGRETS AFTER READING THIS.
ReplyDeleteNow I ship this :"D
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely fanfiction <3
And then I read one of the most endearing and emotionally tinged light-shipping stories in the fandom. Fuck.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a story, it's an artwork, a masterpiece if you will. You sir have raised the bar far beyond anything I can imagine, and I will definintly be looking out for more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteI think that, in this special case, we need to make a rating higher than a six-star. This was nothing short of immaculate, and it's truly inspiring for budding artists and writers such as myself. Being an (almost) 20 year old brony, I've naturally shied away from the call to write fanfictions for MLP for...obvious reasons, but this literally makes me want to give it a shot. I sincerely thank you, and urge you to write more in the future
ReplyDeleteWow... thank you all for your wonderful comments. They really mean so much to me, as a new writer. So do the criticisms, since they've been helpful and well-meaning as well. Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteI ended up going through the fic and fixing some of the grammar, spelling and redundancy problems. I didn't change the story at all, so you don't need to go through the whole thing again (unless you really want to). As of now I wont really be fixing anything else and I'll just be leaving it as is, so I can work on my brand new story. :)
@SyrinKitty
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS SO FRIGGIN AWESOME
WHY HAD I NOT READ THIS BEFORE
awesome manly tears have been shed tonight, op. One maximum brohoof to your and all your descendants.
Okay, I was floored by this! AMAZING, 6 Stars, I honestly and truly hope/pray/beg you for more stories. Your grasp of the characterization and flow of the narrative is masterful.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the opportunity to read this.
Absolutely amazing. I'd give this seven stars if i could.
ReplyDeleteI don't tend to read shipping fics, but I really enjoyed reading this story. I could go on about all the great aspects of this story, but I'll just sum it up by saying that this was a fantastic on many levels.
ReplyDelete5/5
This story is one of the few that I enjoy rereading. Excellent story!
ReplyDeleteThis was very sweet. Twiluna is quickly becoming my new favorite ship, thanks in no small part to fics like this. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteIf you are thinking about doing more, I'm sure it would be appreciated.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, that this is probably one of the most amazing things I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've ever read anything more awesome and "d'aaaaaaaaaaaaw"-worthy than this
ReplyDeleteSo much awesomeness! More twiluna moar! This was amazing!
ReplyDeleteAmazing...I really hope you continue this relationship in a future work?
ReplyDeleteDelicious.
ReplyDeletethis is perfect... i'm goddamned speechless... 13314/5 stars!
ReplyDeleteThat was so cute. Very well written. I dont have words to express my approval of this, it seems, so I shall have to agree with the person above me.
ReplyDeleteI give it 3,000,000,000,000/5 stars.
My only issue with this is that at the start of part 2 Twilight is cooking scrambled eggs. I thought Word of Faust was that ponies, like their Earth counterparts, are vegetarians and only use eggs for pastries.
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't think you can powder eggs, though I could be wrong.
Other than that, this fic is excellent.
@banjo2E: I think of ponies as ovo-lacto Vegetarians. The fact that they eat eggs at all is an indication of that. Otherwise they'd be straight-up Vegan.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you CAN powder eggs! They were one of the major components of MRE's (rations) for soldiers in World War II, and are still sold today for a variety of reasons, including civilian rations. Just add water!
Thank you for your comments, everyone! I'm surprised to see interest in this fic after so long. :D
A brilliant fic.. I hope you write more :)
ReplyDeleteIve just discovered how wonderful fanfics could be while I wait for the second season of MLP. Then I came across this, and simply melted with love for how well written this was, and feel ashamed to not get into this sooner. Possibly one of the best fanfics written out there (and thats saying ALOT due to how much time the fans pour into thier own)I instantly gave this 5 stars, and adding each story to my fav's list. Very, very well done, Syrin.
ReplyDelete...
ReplyDeleteThis. Just this. End of story. Good day sir.
And I don't think Applejack even said "sugercube" ONCE! THAT IS FREAKING FANTASTIC.
But really, this is absolutely wonderful. I... Ok. WTF. I JUST RAN OUT OF WORDS. OMGWTFFTWBBQ. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN OFTEN. YOU, SIR. JUST. WON. THE. GAME.
There is 3 big problems with this story
ReplyDelete1. It isn't long enough
2. It ends :(
3. It doesn't have a sequel
@ULTRAMARIOX: There will be a sequel! Rejoice!
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful beutiful story, I am glad i took the time to read it. Really Really emotional.
ReplyDeleteI found myself smiling at the end of this story, it was beautiful, thank you Syrin for making such a marvelous story. Can't wait for the sequel, keep up the excellent work ^-^
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely marvelous story! It was so cute, even being the manly man I am caught myself with the biggest grin on my face while reading. I look forward to reading more of your work =]
ReplyDeleteAfter seeing your other fic on ponychan, I just had to know where your TwiLuna ship came from.
ReplyDeleteYou have somehow made Luna even more awkward and adorable than Twilight. How is this possible. Heh, and a version of "Somewhere Only We Know" came on while I was reading this; fits beautifully.
Luna and Twilight are such an obvious ship, it's amazing. You really brought out the depth of emotion in both of them. I loved this entirely.
AHHHH THAT EPILOGUE I WANT MORE!
sooo, part1 of story2 links me to the prologue
ReplyDeletewhile the epilogue links me to part1 which isn't even the end of the story?
@Anonymous I've already alerted Seth; he's corrected it. :)
ReplyDeleteA [Slightly Dark] tag? Since when were the tags changeable?
ReplyDeleteI'll be checking this out later. I loved the first story, and I'm excited to see what the next one has in store.
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeletehaha okay, I was just confused.
Thx for that =p
~that anon 2posts above you~
Twilight x Luna...
ReplyDelete...would that be called "Moonlight"?
Oh boy. Either Celestia of 1000 years ago was the most massive bitch I've ever seen, or something major is going on in the background.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming the latter based on the ending, but I suppose you can never be sure about these things.
YES MORE TWILIGHTxLUNA SHIPPING!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is amazing <3 and reading it while listing to "All The Things She Said" by Tatu really makes the story shine even brighter for some odd reason :)
ReplyDeleteOh hell yes. Common Sky was one of my favorite fics and now there's a sequel.
ReplyDeleteCan't say much after just one chapter but the atmosphere is really nice. Dark with sorrow and fear but enough lightness to give some hope that there maybe happy ending for all this.
"Go to hay"?
ReplyDeleteReally?
@Anonymous: They use the phrase "what the hay" in the show, so I figured "go to hay" would be in similar taste.
ReplyDeleteI've gotten yelled at by pre-readers before for not using perfect "Equestrian" word substitutions, so don't blame me. :P
Notice how both Nightmare Moon and Celestia were referring to themselves as "We". I think that the author is going to say that Nightmare is a schism in Luna's mind and Celestia has that same schism. However, between 1000 years ago and then the kind Celestia managed to regain control, yet keep the power. I think Luna will have to find a way to do the same thing, because Nightmare still exists in her mind. Luna just needs to take Nightmare's power while staying in control, and then use that power to fix the schism in her mind. All conjecture mind you, but I think it has validity. I don't usually make predictions on fanfics. Some just force them out of me... Also, they are most definitely in Luna's mind the three doors representing Luna before, during and after Nightmare Moon.
ReplyDeleteOk, this has a very different tone then Common Skies.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure where this fits in your timeline though. Judging by the way Luna acts it seems to be before Lost In the Crowd. Yet... This sounds like its going to be serious, so you'd expect some mention of it in Lost In The Crowd if it happened before that.
@Baree: The timeline for the "series" of my fiction is as follows.
ReplyDelete1. Common Sky (mid-January)
2. Lost In The Crowd (early-August)
3. Fragments (December)
Her "jitteriness" is due to the fact that her Moon Raising Ceremony was set to take place a in a few days, which began bringing up old, bitter memories. Everything else, of course, is yet to be revealed...
Story 2 is good so far, but please make it easier to follow. My timeline is so incomplete here. Pinkie said "hey we gotta go help luna" then sometime later twilight's in this nowhere-land having flashbacks.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: The timeline is meant to be incomplete. Twilight doesn't know how she got there, doesn't know where she is, and she's having these hyper-realistic flashbacks of memories that are and aren't hers. It's a mystery that she'll have to solve!
ReplyDeleteThis touched my heart
ReplyDeleteI do love me some non-chronological storytelling.
ReplyDeleteBRB, watching Reservior Dogs.
I'm afraid that pretty much the only things that I can say about the story so far are:
ReplyDelete1: I enjoyed the prologue and part 1.
2: I didn't notice any mechanical errors.
3: I'm quite intrigued by the plot.
I'm sorry; I know that you'd probably like more detail.
one of the most awsomest most wonderful storys i have read in this fandom yet fan arts of the fan fiction are definately in the works.
ReplyDeleteEvery single D'AAAAAAWWWWW meter I own just broke from chapter two alone. Shit now I need to go to Best Buy,get like 1000 more. Hopefully that'll be enough for at least chapter 3 lol <3
ReplyDeletepossibly the best short story i have ever had the pleasure of reading. Oh yeah more Luna shipping. keep up the good work. 6 billion stars/5
ReplyDeleteA sequel to Common Sky? I thought Luna didn't do much with shooting star wishes.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, onto this:
I felt confused during part 1.. no, no that's a good thing. A very good thing. It wasn't bad confusion... It was kind of like trying to follow the movie Sucker Punch, except chronologically. If you're just as confused as the main character, you're doing something right.
It warrants a read-over in an hour or so, of which I'm giddy thinking about.
Honestly I don't see hardly anything at all to improve on. As it were, I can't wait for pt. 2.
CLIFFHANGERS!!1!! ... 6/5
ReplyDeleteI Grin nearly the WHOLE time reading this , and even tears of dawness overflood me
ReplyDeletegreatly written
>comment on story
ReplyDelete>beg for more
>more story next day
>feels good, bro
WHOA, Celestia was a bitch. That's actually good character development, though (reverse development?); it shows how far she's come in a thousand years.
I like the scene with Rarity, except that Luna's talking about alicorns sounds as though there were more than just her and her sister. I'm just kind of surprised she went with species instead of saying "My sister and I." Weird quibble.
Also, wow, Inception. It's confusing, but not enough to be confounding, just a puzzle to be solved. I absolutely love where this is going, though. Luna is a miserable pile of secrets, and secrets are never good for relationships.
First off, let me just say that I love your style of writing! It is very engaging and holds my attention and leaves me wanting more! I say this because normally I don't like reading. lol
ReplyDeleteNow, about how you could improve it. I honestly think if you just keep on writing like you have been, it won't need improvement! I feel as though I know where the story is going but like I already said I like your STYLE. Your approach. I did catch 1 or 2 grammar mistakes but really, who doesn't mess up here and there. :D
You, my dear, have yourself a fan! And as soon as I get home from work, I'm adding you to my DA watch list! ^_^
I noticed that "Fragments" is tagged as Sad. Can somepony tell me whether or not it has a happy ending? I just read Common Sky and I couldn't bear to have it end bad
ReplyDeleteAnyways, Common Sky was AMAZING! I was grinning the whole time; so much love and greatness, it fills my soul with joy! And Luna's dream is what I think puts the icing on the cake. All that stuff about redemption and fighting your fears... simply wonderful!
"Luna awoke with a start, her eyes wide and her entire body shaking. She immediately felt like she was going to be sick, trying to force air into her lungs with some success. She was back in the Ponyville Library, and it was nearly dawn, the light of the sun beginning to creep up on the frozen winter horizon."
ReplyDeleteBackground music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV6O0XBbT1E
*Checks in again*
ReplyDeleteStill no part 2 to the fragments continuation :/
Still need moar >_> <_<
<3 this story :)
now, the only question left to ask, when does fragments part two come out?
ReplyDeleteoh wow.... this is super great... both stories. Just really really great! this comment will focus on Fragments since it's been a while since I read Common Sky.
ReplyDeleteFragments is really freaking awesome. you are doing a really good job at depicting Luna's struggles with her past, which is always an interesting but delicate topic. However, I am finding the... fragmented nature of the story a bit hard to follow. Of course I know completely of your intentions, it is supposed to be like that. But I was definitely confused at first at the almost inception-like qualities of the story. However this is also a good thing because it lets me experience first-hoof the confusion that the characters are experiencing.
I think a good way to improve in chapter 2 is to more clearly define the boundaries and the transitions from different memories and such. For example, when Rarity drops the teacup, it brings a memory of the therapist dropping the teacup and yadda yadda yadda. However, I didn't know that until that whole memory was over and we were brought back to the Rarity scene and it was then I went "Oh!" So perhaps it could have been something like,
The clattering of the china was all-too familiar. Luna felt a rush as she was brought back a full thousand years......
Maybe something a little less obvious than that but you get the idea. I think if you do this it will make the story a little less disjointed. The sudden transitions can take away from the new scenes sometimes.
Also, I noticed that this was tagged as [sad]. That prevented me from reading this until now. I just want to say that I would like a happy ending. PLEASE focus on the quality of the story first. But if a happy ending works, please do it! It just pains me to see these great characters be in bad situations. I know it affects me more than it should, but whenever I finish a story with a sad ending I feel lost, disconnected. I just want what is best for Twilight and Luna <3
Anyways, this was way longer than expected. I do hope you read it, SyrinKitty, and keep up the good work! peace
Hey everypony.
ReplyDeletePart 2 is being written. I'm being a little stressed out right now due to a vacation I'm planning on going on in a couple of weeks, but I plan on having Part 2 and Part 3 ready before I leave! (It's only a week-long vacation, don't worry)
Thank you for your comments and critiques. They've been very helpful! As a note, the "Sad" tag is there only because this fic will be dealing with some deeply emotional themes.
@Robofet: I definitely read your post! I read every post I get, because all comments and criticisms are important to me! It'll definitely slow down a little in the following chapters. I mostly wanted to establish the WTF-ness of the situation before I began explaining it. Nothing is as it seems, and Twilight doesn't know what to do or what's going on. Things will, of course, be explained in time, and I plan on the "memory sequences" being much less dramatic and rip-you-from-this-world-y. :P
I should hopefully have Part 2 written by this weekend. Stay tuned!
Common sky was awesome and I loved it but Fragment part 1 made my head hurt and I found my self not knowing what the hell was going on half the time
ReplyDeleteSyrinKitty - This was the first piece of fanfic I ever read and I almost regret it knowing that everything that follows will be held to such a high standard. Your ability to balance my expectations of the characters with your own development of them is impressive, and results in dialogue that is natural and fitting. Please continue to keep up the good work, and enjoy your well deserved vacation!
ReplyDeleteFair winds and following seas - Max Vive
Nice, loved this new chapter.
ReplyDeletenew update? YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
ReplyDeleteoh god two of my favorite characters shipped together omg The Equestrian Nazi Party is on the move
ReplyDeleteA realm ruled by princesses (or princes) is a principality. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principality
ReplyDelete@Unknown: I actually didn't know that. Thank you for pointing it out!
ReplyDeleteHeh. Raises more questions then it answers them.
ReplyDeleteI'm also still not sure what tones this story has... it was rather dark in the first chapter. For the most part it was a little lighter this time around, but then at the end it goes dark again.
Well, I'll guess there is nothing to do but wait for chapter 3.
I was searching for this so hard because I wanted to re-read it, and then there's an update and I find out the name and realize it was right under my nose? WTF brain Y U NO NOTICE?
ReplyDeleteMore MORE i can't get enough of this 83
ReplyDeleteDefinitely intrigued, love the characterizations of Luna and Twilight in this fic, just nervous something terrible is going to happen to one of them. I second whoever said this chapter raised more questions than answered which is frustrating! That said, I don't have the patience to wait until the story is complete and thus am eagerly awaiting more.
ReplyDeletesleep is overrated, who needs sleep, i don't...*twitching eye*
ReplyDeleteDammit why do these things always come up this late, very nice story. i might even start to read lost in the crowd, keep up the amazing writing
I don't understand, why is Celestia such a bitch in this story? It seems the characterization for Celestia was a bit exaggerated.
ReplyDeleteGood story.
ReplyDeleteEagerly awaiting Chapter 3.
Holy Cow, Celestia is evil in story 2. I could see Celestia being power hungry and then having some regret after sending her sister away. For all we know, Celestia may not be as carefree as she lets on.
ReplyDeleteThis story seems slightly more believable since that commercial sneak of S2 animation shows that Celestia is able to put on a serious game face.
I just read Common Sky in its entirety and Fragments up to Part 2. I have to say, although I found the entire thing to be very enjoyable, Part 2 of Fragments has to be one of the most engaging, interesting, and compelling fanfics I've read. It uses exactly the right amount of mindscrew, enticingly weird pacing, and subversion of expectation to make me desperately want to know how it all comes together. Thank you for writing this story.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteActually, yeah. Also this. In the interest of being productively critical, "go to hay" was distractingly random and not nearly vitriolic enough for the circumstance. It's basically like saying "go to bed" or something. I think "damn you," despite lacking pony-fication, would be much more appropriate.
Fragments Prologue :
ReplyDelete>“Yes, what with your... mental condition,” scoffed the pink-maned mare
-Ahhh, I see... going for the ''In her past, Celestia was an ass'' kind of Celestia ?
>“Or what, dear sister Luna? You’ll become the ‘Nightmare’ again
-Wait what ?? It's Celestia ''being an ass'' in the present and not in the past ? ...I'm not sure about this...
... This is definitely NOT the most ''interesting'' version of her personality that there is, let's just say that (even some version of ''trollestia'' are better than ''Celestia just being an ass'') ...
>“I REFUSE! I’ll never let a sick mare such as yourself rule even a fraction of Equestria!”
-Wow... I have never seen a version of Celestia draining all the will(interest) to read, that I'm trying to have (since I still remember the quality of the previous story), so quickly and efficiently ?
I don't remember the last time a ''single character'' made that kind of impression on me ?
>These days, it was no longer Nightmare Moon torturing her in her dreams, but her own bitter memories of years long past.
-Soooo... it was a ''dream'' ? Based on ''memories'' ?
...so, did this really happened in a recent past, or is it all from 1000years ago ? (with a Celestia like that, I wouldn't hesitate to help Nightmare Moon/Luna, that's for sure)
What about Celestia's 'personality' that was shown here ? Was it just Luna's ''perception'' of the event or is/was Celestia really like ''that'' ?
-----
Fragments Part 1:
>folding her and looking away
-folding her 'what' ? Missing a word, maybe.
>“Yes... she had me drug that tea of yours. I’m glad you didn’t drink it. I was to take you away to the clinic and have you ‘fixed’
-By Joves ?! I may be repeating myself at this point, but I don't think I can recall ever seeing a version of Celestia being of THAT level of ''ass-itude'' before ?
What's up with that ?
(Seriously, each time ''this'' Celestia comes in the story, I can see my 'interest' evaporate faster than snow in the desert. It's almost fascinating. Almost.)
>a memory within a memory?
-(sigh) Insert ''Inception'' joke #76-b...
>Celestia had been so vicious, so vile, >so contemptuous and tyrannical
-And more, probably less 'politically-correct', words it would seem.
-----
Fragments Part 2:
... Half-interested / half-confused / and half 'mix feelings about the whole Celestia's thing'... It doesn't add up, yes I know. I also doesn't quite know toward which side I'm leaning the most right now ...
So your main complaint is that you don't like Celestia's characterization, is what I'm getting. I mean, I get why you're confused about it, but shouldn't it be obvious by now that I intended this story to be a "how Celestia/Luna were 1000+ years ago" kind of story? Over a thousand years of experiences can do a lot to a sentient being.
ReplyDeleteI'm not writing Celestia as "evil trollestia" without good reason. I promise that it'll be meaningful.
If nothing else, I feel like I need to know exactly what is going on with Bitch!Celestia.
ReplyDeleteCommon Sky was AMAZING! Just the way told the story was awesome! Luna's awkwardness mixed with the feelings of love and friendship, is just great! 5/5
ReplyDeleteFractured is great aswell! Albeit a bit confusing, I'm sure it will all make sense in the end, and It's good to see a different side of Celestia. The way you wrote her to be such a complete ass is wonderful. Can't wait for part 2!
Part 3* sorry.
ReplyDeleteGrr...why did I have to stay up till 4am to read this? Oh ya, Its freaking epic! Confusing as shit with Fractured...but I am confident it will be explained in due time. Good work Syrin!
ReplyDelete@SyrinKitty
ReplyDeleteI 'suppose' it must be the 'way' this ''Evil Trollestia'' is written that give 'this' impression...
It seems to be pushed, maybe just a 'tiny bit' too much... just a sliver more and she will go break the neck of a baby puppy, honestly ?
It's the ''impression'' I get everytime this ''version'' of Celestia start acting... so, it's a tad distracting, I think.
Maybe it's just me.
I can't tell if you're being condescending or not. If so, there's no need for that. I can listen to criticism without my face being shoved into it at full force. Princess Celestia's behaviour will be explained.
ReplyDeleteIf, in the end, you don't like it, that's fine. Just don't be rude about it.
@SyrinKitty
ReplyDeleteCondescending ? No, never.
Simple, neutral, and cold facts, opinions and thoughts. Only that.
Reflect of various impressions... only to wonder and question.
Truly remarkable piece of Fan-Fiction, the writing and use of voccabulary is amazing, and i couldn't stop reading until the end
ReplyDeleteDat Cliffhanger.... Best thing I've read since the last chapter release of past sins, can't wait for the next part.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me your writing more soon? I may go into Luna/Twilight withdrawl
ReplyDeleteQuite an excellent, story if i do say so myself. I really enjoyed the relationship and bonding between twilight and luna, really well paced. I also liked how you eased the reader into the multiple dream sequences until you understood what was happening, but you still don't understand how. I can't wait to read the next chapter!!! If you need anyone to preread, or edit a paper, shoot a message my way and i would be happy to help
ReplyDeleteDAMN YOU! WHY MAKE ME SUFFER WITH CLIFFHANGER?! *ahem* Sorry, my inner Rage came out for a second. Awesome story. There's not much else I can say. The sort of mixed Nightmare Moon and Twilight is a BIG twist, and I now I am suspicious of the possibility of temporary Alicorn...ness. I await Chapter 3 sort-of patiently. *Crawls back into minecraft*
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story so far; does anyone have any idea when part three will be available? It's been a month if I'm reading the timestamps right, and I can't find any other stories the author might have switched to...
ReplyDeleteThis is REALLY good :). One of the best shipping ones I have read. You give the characters so much personality. The only thing I would change is make Twilight stutter a bit less. Keep writing :D
ReplyDeleteconfound these ponies, they drive me to insomnia.
ReplyDeleteSyrinKitty, I just finished reading Common Sky, and it's the first fanfic that I ever read. It was brilliant! Luna and Twilight just works so well. Though I almost regret reading it first, because I kind of feel like everything I read after this will be held to just a high standard.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, keep up the great work.
@BestDefaultName Another epic TwiLuna fic is 'Within and Without' http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/08/story-within-and-without.html . It's really long too XD
ReplyDeleteCommon sky was fantastic and it seemed to fit them perfectly.
ReplyDeleteFragments started off a little disjointed, but it seems to have been written that way on purpose and makes sense given where the story seems to be headed. Can't wait to see what you do with it.
I do have a nitpick: when describing their ascent to the throne room in chapter 2 you used endlessly followed by almost immediately by endless. It felt a little jarring and took me away from the story for a bit. Nothing huge really, just a nitpick that ruined the flow for a bit there.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
Eeeep, It's been about 2 and a half months since the last update. Is there more, does SyrinKitty still exist.
ReplyDeleteI'm scared.
I need my TwiLuna, mare. I NEED IT!
But yeh, fantastical story.
http://syrinkitty.deviantart.com/journal/Official-hiatus-quot-Fragments-quot-retirement-269301422
ReplyDeleteSorry guys. :(
@SyrinKitty
ReplyDeleteShame :/ i liked this one...
Thanks for letting us know thought.
I'm afraid I can't put together the kind of review I'd like to, due to time constraints and more than likely a lack of mental acuity on so little sleep.
ReplyDeleteCommon Sky was interesting, but something was lacking. I could see the connection the two shared, but somehow Twilight didn't seem to be truly Twilight. In thinking back on it, the flow needs work in some sections, and perhaps a bit more showing, rather than telling, would have livened it up. Still, an enjoyable read, so I give you a tip of the hat.
Sad to hear that fragments won't be finished, as I found that one to be very, very intriguing - the weakest part, I think, was Celestia. This is likely partly due to the fact that the various ugly incarnations of her character will never sit right with me; tyrant, full out troll (there's a difference between caprice and malice, after all), or just plain bitch, I disagree with such characterizations.
But I can't help but feel that even without that coloring my perception, she just wasn't believable in that role - something I could put aside until the reasons why were revealed. But then, the motivation given in the short summary of the intended ending did not feel like it was enough. Perhaps if you'd been able to actually write it out, rather than just describe it, it would have been, but as it stands, it doesn't satisfy.
The rest, however - the setting, the fragmentary nature of the storytelling, the plot itself, was excellent - I was definitely left wanting to know exactly what was going on. So on that, I say kudos.
oh for the love of-
ReplyDeleteif I've said it once I have said it 1000 times
confound these cliffhangers, they drive me to drink
@SyrinKitty man. i really liked this. oh well.
ReplyDeletehope that everything works out for you and thank you for putting the final part concept.
this was a great story series.
Thank You.
Love the story, only down side was when it ended.
ReplyDelete