Author: H.P. Lovecolt
Description: Twilight Sparkle goes to explore the rumours of a Cursed Heath on the outskirts of Ponyville. Unable to find any information about the place, or why it makes her feel so uneasy, she turns to a crazy old pony who tells her the whole tale as to how the Cursed Heath came to be.The Colour From Space
Additional Tags: Lovecraft, Horror, Aliens, First Person
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9 comments:
Huh, not bad but not much deviation from the original story. I was actually thinking earlier today about how "The Colour Out of Space" might be adapted to be an origin story for Pinkie.
ReplyDeleteYog-Sothoth approves.
ReplyDeleteOkay.
ReplyDeleteSo you basically rewrote The Colour Out of Space, wattered it down a little, and threw in ponies? I don't think this is accomplishing what you want it to accomplish. I mean, sure ponies make everything better, but you need to add something more than this for it to work.
Sorry, please try again.
as someone who does not know the original (although i've read some lovecraft stories before) i liked it
ReplyDeletethx for sharing
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh crud I was working on a Lovvecraft crossover, well I guess you beat me to it. As for the story itself, good job. First person story telling bring the lovecraftian feel to this, but you should consider not having such vivid descriptions, try to keep things vague, part of Lovecraft's writing style involves not giving the reader enough details so they will be force to imagine the horrors for them selfs.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem way way too close to the original to the point of being literally a wordswap for it I'm afraid.
ReplyDeleteI am a fan of the Cthulhu Mythos, and "The Colour Out of Space" is my favorite of Lovecraft's stories.
ReplyDeleteAs such, I admire the effort here. I also can say without equivocation that this is not a simple word-swap work.
However, the story reads as a transplanting of the original into Equestria without fully implimenting how the story would change as a result of the setting and the ponies involved. The use of the seasonal festivals was nice, and the choice to use the events of Bridal Gossip as a reason for Twilight Sparkle's investigation was inspired.
But more could have been done with those things, and other elements did not work so well. (I cannot, for instance, imagine the rock-farming Pie family having connections with the Princess. Nor see the pegasi scheduling an early and nasty winter over an area where a farm is in trouble.)
I think the story is a good attempt, but I would recommend that for your next one, you instead try to take the core themes and ideas of the original and spend some time working out how the story would change if our favorite ponies were involved.
You might want to down a shot or something, because I'm gonna have to be harsh on this one.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to get around to this one, and unfortunately, now I wish I hadn't wasted my time. This certainly isn't a simple word-swap... if it were, it would have been more entertaining. This is a greatly condensed version of a story that relies on suspense and slow buildup for its horror. As such, it loses almost all of its impact in the translation.
The story might be fairly decent if it was a totally original story, but since it's a copy of an existing work, you're inviting comparisons that your story doesn't do well in. I would have preferred to read something that took the COoS setup and handled it in a distinctly Equestrian way, like A Study in Rainbows did for its source material.
TL;DR:
One star. Next time, please write your own story instead of cribbing from a master.