Author: Silfer
Description: After a miscalculation during one of Doctor Hooves' Time travel trips. The girls find themselves in a new world and in a new body.Adventures in the New World Part 1
Adventures in the New World Part 2
Adventures in the New World Part 3
Adventures in the New World Part 4
Adventures in the New World Part 5 (New!)
Additional Tags: The Pony Gang on Earth
39 kommentaari:
Cool new art.
VastaKustutaTo the author: You might want to polish up on the grammar, I'm seeing a lot of little mistakes with tense. Honestly though, the whole idea of humanized ponies exploring Earth seems like a neat idea, the first two chapters seem very ho-hum so far.
To be honest, I didn't like it.
VastaKustutaMost of it made not much sense, switching between past-tense and present-tense.
Many grammar mistakes too, and not a very good story.
The grammar is absolutely atrocious. I find myself incapable of reading this fic until it goes through a major clean-up.
VastaKustutaGranted I'm OCD, but still.
>grammar
VastaKustutaYep, my complaints have been covered.
Another error I noticed was that Twilight's outfit doesn't seem to include a sweater vest.
VastaKustutaToo many negative comments to want to read....
VastaKustutaBUT
Hey, Author! Streak the fox here, I was wondering if you would like a bit of help. After taking a peak at your story, it does seam you have a bit of an issue with grammar and sentence structure. Therefore, do you want me to help ya out with it?
>seam
VastaKustutaSomehow I can't help but feel that one's weaknesses need to be covered before one's strengths can be offered.
Yes please, I would like to have help with my grammar. You should have seen my first try it was way worse than this. If anyone can help I'll greatly appreciate. I haven't written anything good for awhile now..
VastaKustutanew tardis is awesome, by the way. I just wish it still had the intermeshing tubes at the center, and not the thing it has now. You know; the thing.
VastaKustuta@ Pinkie Pie
VastaKustutaWell, thanks for the honest opinion and sorry that I wasted your time with my sorry attempt of a story.
There are problems with grammar and spelling, but I can ignore that because I have been waiting for so long for someone to make a Ponies on Earth story.
VastaKustutaIs it just me or does that farmer seem a tad suspicious, inviting 6 teenage girls to spend the night at his place like that?
@ at the guy above me..
VastaKustutaMaybe, but who can say no to lost girls.. and if he tried he will answer to two angry tomboys~ // AJ and Dash: *gangs up on me and beats me up for 3 minutes before walking off* // Hahahahahahehehee.. *tooth falls out(
Where is this set exactly? The farmer didn't seem very British to me.
VastaKustutaWho can't wait until the girls figure out that they are omnivores now? This could go so many different ways and all of them are hilarious.
Very nice idea, but the grammar makes it kind of... difficult to read. Don't get me wrong, I think you should continue, but maybe get someone to point out the more obvious recurring grammar mistakes :) what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger! (or a better writer :P)
VastaKustutaYou know with all the fan fics involving humans showing up in Equestria one way or another and with all the humanized pony fan art I am surprised that no one has written a story about the girls travelling to Earth before now.
VastaKustutaAs others have mentioned you need to work on your grammar and sentence structure. I am sure you can find people to help you with that here. Don't dispare just keep working on it and with friends helping you are sure to get better.
You have to Proof read dude, but thats not my only problem with this. Theirs no real development here, even for a short story nothing happens. The idea of bringing the ponies to earth should have much more substance to it then this. Nice first attempted but its not a story, its an idea right now.
VastaKustutaWait... "Allons-y!" is Ten, bowties are Eleven. Which Doctor am I reading? *confused*
VastaKustutaPlease edit your work please...
VastaKustutaAlso, A very entertaining story so far. I will continue reading if you put up more.
Well the concept is, as the Doctor would say, Brilliant.
VastaKustutaThe execution... Like the others have said, the grammar is a bit clunky and, if I may add, it moves REALLY fast. Far too fast really. Each of your "chapters" only spans like 3 pages and so many things have happened so fast it's a little bit crazy. slow down. take time to buid atmosphere, emotion, and personality. Build relationships between the characters. less action, more reaction. all in all, take more time with it, slow down, and add more.
Great concept. Would LOVE to see this continue with better grammar and more work put into it. keep working. :)
A little part of me wanted this to be a follow up from "Timelords and Terror", but the lack of Zecora dashed that hope.
VastaKustutaStill a very interesting plot-line here, and i'd love to see the rest.
-Moose
I like the plot thusfar, your descriptions weren't particularly vivid... or to reword that, weren't too descriptive, I think I got down their clothes and general appearance even though ya didn't spend too much time on it, which is good. The grammar... frankly, it's terrible, horrid, I hate it when a good story forces me to reword bits in my head as I read it. If ya'd like, I'm a bit of a grammar savvy person, I could touch it up if ya'd like, in my spare time, as a favor to you and this quite interresting plot. Whatta ya say? And don't mistake my internet grammar for my real grammar; I like screwing with grammar for fun and convenience. If you do want me to touch it up, PM my youtube account and I'll fix it. Also tell me how ya want me to get the updated version to ya, should you choose to accept my offer. And I won't change anything except rewording it to do away with grammar errors, no even minor changes to events or anything, I promise.
VastaKustutaToo generic. I'll keep giving it a shot in hope it gets better, because I need to fill this Doctor Whooves hole untill Traveller updates.
VastaKustutaThe storyline isn't progressing much and the grammar issues are still there. This one needs more work. (And where did the Doctor go?)
VastaKustutathe third part was ok, still not that good.
VastaKustutaWhy does the farmers name suddenly change from fred to frank? I was kind of sad, because i thought it was a good storyline (with them changing into humans) but they're all out of character. And why would they be with the doctor anyway? Expand on this.
@Pinkie Pie
VastaKustutaSorry, I have the worse memory. And if you have any idea that can make this better. Tell me, atleast You spend sometime with your dear Dashie Pinkinama Diane Pie.
Stopped reading at "The girls hanged onto..."
VastaKustutaSorry.
Gah. So much harshness from everyone. I didn't catch the grammar issues but I tend to auto-correct what I read as I go. You'd do well to pair up with a proof reader to help with grammar. You could also try letting you story 'sit' for a day, then going back with a fresh mind to fix errors. The story flowed well, but there should be more conflict soon. The akwardness of being human, physically and socially is ripe for ideas.. and humor.
VastaKustutaThe newer parts are exciting. Just like the characters ^^ I could read this happy little simple story over and over again.
VastaKustutaUm...third chapter was alright. I mean, with a doctor who crossover, I was kinda expecting more....action? Still, it's nice. Hoping things pick up in the next chapter.
VastaKustutaI'm pretty sure there's already been enough criticism here.. but I'm just going to add some suggestions for the future.
VastaKustuta1. Write some more of Spike and other ponies recognising heir disappearance
2. Princess celestia stressing of the begone Elements of harmony
3. um.. a little more action please?
With all due respect, rainboom99
to the anon above me.
VastaKustutathe TARDIS is a time machine... They can get back to the present time Equestria in a snap.
I'm glad some people love my fanfic, I don't how long this go. Spoiler- 3 of the girls will go into 'town' with Fred next time - End Spoiler
Seems interesting. I'll keep reading to see how it goes.
VastaKustutaneed more humanifyied pony fics
VastaKustutaI like it, uploaded in short and sweet chunks!
VastaKustuta@Silfer
VastaKustutaPinkie here. My account not working. Perhaps we could work on this together? I could fix up on the grammar and stuff, and help brainstorm idea
*pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease*
@ Pinkie
VastaKustutaThanks Miss Pie, I will appreciate it. God a google account/e-mail so I can add you to the 'can edit' in the sharing options?
Wow... I swear this is quite a slopy fan fic. Show don't Tell a bit more. I'm still holding out hope that this fic will improve because I'm in love with the driving idea of the Mane Six ending up in The Whoivan Earth. Need a bit more of the Pony's reacting about how earth is. And Earthlings noticing how odd the Pony's seem on some level.
VastaKustutaChapter Four was a good steap forward, but still this fic has a long way to.
Also need a subplot for what Whovian baddie this Fic is going to have. I far as I can say your still just setting up the character's right now for this Fic. Nothing much has really happed.
Best of luck Silfer on the rest of this Fic.
Argh bring out the next part :P
VastaKustutablah blah blah grammar blah blah blah plot.
VastaKustutaAnyway all that aside, all I have to say is that just because something bad always happens when the Doctor goes somewhere, and I mean Always, does not mean something bad has to always happen when the Doctor goes somewhere. btw did i remember to say Always